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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
- Start date
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Think of a date, either movie, dinner, drinks, whatever, and have it ready to go. Then call her, you can text too, but calling is preferred. Ask if she's busy tonight, or tomorrow or whatever day you choose, and if she isn't, ask her out to your predetermined date.luckyboyceo said:
You can also phrase it as "when are you free?" and proceed that way.
If you've talked and she's texting you, ball is in your court now. Go for it! It'll be fun.
I'm going to vent a bit...definitely the most I've written on this forum in a while. Began dating two girls recently...the first (call her M) I met through a softball league, the second (K) is a regular at a bar I frequent.
M is amazing in so many ways and I haven't felt this way in a long time. The problem is she's very hot and cold...sometimes acts interested, sometimes doesn't. I only started with K because M was in a cold phase and hadn't contacted me in days. Then I get a text out of nowhere from M: "Hey I want you to know that I'm sorry for being MIA I've been working and scatter brained. How r u?" I was willing to give up before that, and we hadn't seen each other since I last took her out and kissed her goodnight. We chatted back and forth for a few days, but she was avoiding offers to hang out. I'm not stupid...it definitely felt like she was just not that interested, despite her repeated insistence that she was. I even asked if she was seeing anyone, but she always blamed work or life in general.
Meanwhile, K showed genuine interest right away and made sure we spent time together. I don't feel the same way about her that I do about M, but she's a very different girl and there's definitely some sort of connection. Unlike M though, she's very shy, especially about public affection and won't let me kiss her outside for more than a few seconds...if at all. What's strange is that she mentioned she usually just sleeps with guys and doesn't really date (don't call slut, it's not that many), so while both she and her friends insist that she likes me, I don't understand where the shyness comes from. When I'm seeing someone, I want to feel like they're actually attracted to me!
Now for a story:
11/5 - I talk to M about doing something that night and she invites me out with her friends. Not ideal, but it's something. I meet up with her at a club and what's the first thing she says? "I need you to kiss me!" That really surprised me, but it felt great because I hadn't seen her since the last kiss. After that, we get a drink, meet her friends and dance for a while. She starts giving me some longing looks, so we move over to the wall and start making out. I loved every second. I realize part of it was the alcohol, but she was definitely into it. The rest of the night is basically lots of cuddling and flirting. When I ask what days she's free that week, "any" is her response. Again, surprising...guess we're in the hot phase now.
I call her on 11/8 and she doesn't pick up (not uncommon for her), but she calls back the next day and we have a solid 45-min convo. We agree to drinks on Friday, so I thought things were looking up. I call the next night just to tell her where/when to meet...no answer. Maybe she'll call back or text? Nope. I get to Friday afternoon and still nothing, so I text:
Me - "Let me know about tonight."
Her - "U prob hate me but I am going to have to cancel...I'm sorry" (Second time she's cancelled like this)
Me - "Ok give me a call tomorrow." (Trying not to seem disappointed)
Didn't hear anything until Sunday night. Yep, Sunday.
Her - "Hey" (seriously, one word!?)
Me - "What's up?"
Her - "I haven't been fair to you lately and I am sorry for that...I just know I can't give someone my full attention"
Now it's unclear to me whether the last line is part of the apology, or some sort of break-up cliche, but I'm leaning toward the latter because up until now I've haven't gotten much attention at all. This type of thing isn't appropriate for texting though, so I say back, "If you want to talk, you should call me." No response. I call two hours later because I just want her to tell me straight and get it over with. No answer...again. I give it one last shot on Wednesday and planned to leave a voicemail if she didn't pick up. Yep, you already know what happened.
Me - "Hey, so I'm not really sure what to do right now, and there's some things I wanted to talk about, so call me when you're free."
Nothing since then. I'm perfectly fine with someone telling me they're not interested, because you can't make someone like you...but it's so much worse when that person won't even communicate and leaves you hanging. The upside here is I can focus attention on K and hopefully melt the shyness a bit, but I know that I wanted M way more and sadly I would probably still be interested if she contacted me and still wanted to see me.
M is amazing in so many ways and I haven't felt this way in a long time. The problem is she's very hot and cold...sometimes acts interested, sometimes doesn't. I only started with K because M was in a cold phase and hadn't contacted me in days. Then I get a text out of nowhere from M: "Hey I want you to know that I'm sorry for being MIA I've been working and scatter brained. How r u?" I was willing to give up before that, and we hadn't seen each other since I last took her out and kissed her goodnight. We chatted back and forth for a few days, but she was avoiding offers to hang out. I'm not stupid...it definitely felt like she was just not that interested, despite her repeated insistence that she was. I even asked if she was seeing anyone, but she always blamed work or life in general.
Meanwhile, K showed genuine interest right away and made sure we spent time together. I don't feel the same way about her that I do about M, but she's a very different girl and there's definitely some sort of connection. Unlike M though, she's very shy, especially about public affection and won't let me kiss her outside for more than a few seconds...if at all. What's strange is that she mentioned she usually just sleeps with guys and doesn't really date (don't call slut, it's not that many), so while both she and her friends insist that she likes me, I don't understand where the shyness comes from. When I'm seeing someone, I want to feel like they're actually attracted to me!
Now for a story:
11/5 - I talk to M about doing something that night and she invites me out with her friends. Not ideal, but it's something. I meet up with her at a club and what's the first thing she says? "I need you to kiss me!" That really surprised me, but it felt great because I hadn't seen her since the last kiss. After that, we get a drink, meet her friends and dance for a while. She starts giving me some longing looks, so we move over to the wall and start making out. I loved every second. I realize part of it was the alcohol, but she was definitely into it. The rest of the night is basically lots of cuddling and flirting. When I ask what days she's free that week, "any" is her response. Again, surprising...guess we're in the hot phase now.
I call her on 11/8 and she doesn't pick up (not uncommon for her), but she calls back the next day and we have a solid 45-min convo. We agree to drinks on Friday, so I thought things were looking up. I call the next night just to tell her where/when to meet...no answer. Maybe she'll call back or text? Nope. I get to Friday afternoon and still nothing, so I text:
Me - "Let me know about tonight."
Her - "U prob hate me but I am going to have to cancel...I'm sorry" (Second time she's cancelled like this)
Me - "Ok give me a call tomorrow." (Trying not to seem disappointed)
Didn't hear anything until Sunday night. Yep, Sunday.
Her - "Hey" (seriously, one word!?)
Me - "What's up?"
Her - "I haven't been fair to you lately and I am sorry for that...I just know I can't give someone my full attention"
Now it's unclear to me whether the last line is part of the apology, or some sort of break-up cliche, but I'm leaning toward the latter because up until now I've haven't gotten much attention at all. This type of thing isn't appropriate for texting though, so I say back, "If you want to talk, you should call me." No response. I call two hours later because I just want her to tell me straight and get it over with. No answer...again. I give it one last shot on Wednesday and planned to leave a voicemail if she didn't pick up. Yep, you already know what happened.
Me - "Hey, so I'm not really sure what to do right now, and there's some things I wanted to talk about, so call me when you're free."
Nothing since then. I'm perfectly fine with someone telling me they're not interested, because you can't make someone like you...but it's so much worse when that person won't even communicate and leaves you hanging. The upside here is I can focus attention on K and hopefully melt the shyness a bit, but I know that I wanted M way more and sadly I would probably still be interested if she contacted me and still wanted to see me.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
See you on the other side guys.
Hopefully we get to hear each others conquests once GAF comes back online. Good luck and godspeed fellas
Hopefully we get to hear each others conquests once GAF comes back online. Good luck and godspeed fellas
Wishy washy girls are the worst. Generally not worth it, they tend to not change. If it were me I'd stick with K, just ignore M. If she invites you out or whatever, you can choose whether to go or not, but K seems more stable, despite you maybe not liking her as much. I'd rather be in something stable than deal with Jekyll and Hyde. The lack of replying to your texts/calls, and the
Seems to me like "I don't want to be serious" Sounds a little like what I went through over the summer. Chick was really into me some days, then couldn't get a word out of her other days. There's also the issue of her just randomly deleting her social network accounts, and then a week later never responding to a single text of mine again (5 total between her last response and my final one).
scar tissue
Banned
You're not alone dude. I have zero dating experience, and I was pretty pissed about this for the last year. I wasn't sure I wanted to continue living for more than a few years. Planned on finishing my degree (so that I did something worthwhile on this world) and then maybe offing myself.
But lately I've been ignoring girls (on a sexual level) and focused on general social stuff and university, and you know what: I actually feel like my life is worth living for a change.
Compared to where I was only a year ago I've made tremendous progress. I actually know people at university instead of always being the loner in the corner.
I won't lie: I'm not having the time of my life or anything like that, and there's still plenty of awkward situations due to my social anxiety (mostly not greeting people or greeting them at the wrong time, or not knowing what to say to people). In some classes, I'm still the weird guy in the corner.
But sometimes, if only for a day or two, it's like I'm leading a normal life and that feels fucking great.
Hell I even think there is a plausible chance a girl may come to love the new me sometime in the future when I turn my attention back to girls.
Stick with K. Don't be so available for M-- She seems to take advantage when she wants attention.
Now my turn. Had a date with a girl last saturday that I thought went really well. Walked around and grabbed a drink at a bar on the way towards the restaurant we were going to. Talked all the way there, had dinner, few more drinks, pretty buzzed by the time we were going to the movie. Horror movie, so about 5 minutes in she was practically in my lap. Drove out to a lake nearby and made out a bit and then headed off back to get the other car to go our separate ways for the night, kiss goodnight and all that, fun times.
Fast forward to today, been texting the past few days, set up a date for tonight. Decided on Dave and Buster's, drinks, games, food, and there was a theatre nearby as a backup incase things got boring at D&B.
We get in, play a couple of games, she doesn't seem too pleased, even in the text saying she was on her way... "I dunno how much fun im gonna be but we can give it a go"
I got cocky and let her tie air hockey at 6-6, then of course I knocked in my own puck. We chuckled... went off to grab dinner. Had a great conversation, work stories, friend stories, dating site hijinx, among other things. From the texting she's had a rough week at work, although who doesn't, but anyway... she kind of cut the date right after dinner saying she wasn't really feeling it. (and had to work tomorrow). It was like 9:45 when she said this... hadn't had any drinks or anything, and the night was over. Walked her to her car, kissed her again, and walked back to my car. Kind of a waste of a night... I wish she would have just cancelled if she was just gonna mope around a bit. At least hopefully it was just work stuff.
In any case, still talking to a few other girls trying to get dates set up. Thought I had one for tonight, but the girl is being like shockwave's "M" and not responding, so I'm just gonna let her do her own thing, if she gets back in touch with me, cool, if not, whatever.
Fast forward to today, been texting the past few days, set up a date for tonight. Decided on Dave and Buster's, drinks, games, food, and there was a theatre nearby as a backup incase things got boring at D&B.
We get in, play a couple of games, she doesn't seem too pleased, even in the text saying she was on her way... "I dunno how much fun im gonna be but we can give it a go"
I got cocky and let her tie air hockey at 6-6, then of course I knocked in my own puck. We chuckled... went off to grab dinner. Had a great conversation, work stories, friend stories, dating site hijinx, among other things. From the texting she's had a rough week at work, although who doesn't, but anyway... she kind of cut the date right after dinner saying she wasn't really feeling it. (and had to work tomorrow). It was like 9:45 when she said this... hadn't had any drinks or anything, and the night was over. Walked her to her car, kissed her again, and walked back to my car. Kind of a waste of a night... I wish she would have just cancelled if she was just gonna mope around a bit. At least hopefully it was just work stuff.
In any case, still talking to a few other girls trying to get dates set up. Thought I had one for tonight, but the girl is being like shockwave's "M" and not responding, so I'm just gonna let her do her own thing, if she gets back in touch with me, cool, if not, whatever.
SpartanForce
Member
sex. but yeah, take off your libido and see if you even will have the will to say good morning to a girl.
OK GAF, I'm unsure how to proceed....
So, she's a girl from my office (Yeah, yeah, ok...).
We never really spoke much for ages (We've both worked there for over 2 years) but would sometimes say Hi and chat a little. When I first met her I thought of her as out of my league. Plus, she had a BF.
So recently, we've chatted in the office a little more, here and there. Nothing consistent. We chat on Facebook sometimes, always me saying Hi, but she keeps the conversation going.
2 weeks ago we're on an office trip, and I'm getting on the bus and she invites me to sit beside her (I'm giving off that "I don't know where to sit vibe). We chat for the hour or so bus ride, and again on the way back. This last week, we'll meet eachother in the hall and have a 20 minute conversaion once or twice... So thursday she emails me off her own bat, wanting to just chat throughout the day. I continue it the next, and decide to ask her out.
As I'm inexperienced in such things, and unsure of myself, I ask her to "join me for a round of mini-golf" on the weekend. She says that she can't commit to it then, and to text her on the day and gives me her number. So I text her this morning, and she says she can't as she's got a cold, and it hurts to speak. Another text clarified that she looks/sounds fine, but wants to get ahead of a nasty cold.
I suppose my question is, do I try again? What's the probability that she realised my intentions and bailed? If she weren't from my office, I'd probably just make my intentions clear and ask her out again, but I don't want to make it weird.
OK, so I know it's probably going to be weird because we work in the same place. I'd like some advice despite that, as I've decided I'd like to pursue it regardless...
So, she's a girl from my office (Yeah, yeah, ok...).
We never really spoke much for ages (We've both worked there for over 2 years) but would sometimes say Hi and chat a little. When I first met her I thought of her as out of my league. Plus, she had a BF.
So recently, we've chatted in the office a little more, here and there. Nothing consistent. We chat on Facebook sometimes, always me saying Hi, but she keeps the conversation going.
2 weeks ago we're on an office trip, and I'm getting on the bus and she invites me to sit beside her (I'm giving off that "I don't know where to sit vibe). We chat for the hour or so bus ride, and again on the way back. This last week, we'll meet eachother in the hall and have a 20 minute conversaion once or twice... So thursday she emails me off her own bat, wanting to just chat throughout the day. I continue it the next, and decide to ask her out.
As I'm inexperienced in such things, and unsure of myself, I ask her to "join me for a round of mini-golf" on the weekend. She says that she can't commit to it then, and to text her on the day and gives me her number. So I text her this morning, and she says she can't as she's got a cold, and it hurts to speak. Another text clarified that she looks/sounds fine, but wants to get ahead of a nasty cold.
I suppose my question is, do I try again? What's the probability that she realised my intentions and bailed? If she weren't from my office, I'd probably just make my intentions clear and ask her out again, but I don't want to make it weird.
OK, so I know it's probably going to be weird because we work in the same place. I'd like some advice despite that, as I've decided I'd like to pursue it regardless...
TheSchwab_7
Member
Had a buddy of mine and this girl I casually talk to over last night. Just watched some netflix late last night. My buddy left, so it was just me and this girl. Being the incredibly handsome and charismatic guy I am, made a move and made out with her on my couch. I had no plans of having sex and I don't want a relationship with her either. Things were going good in the beginning, then as things got heavier, my ex girlfriend popped into my head and yeah.... definitely not a good idea to do stuff with another girl when you're still in love. Oh well, lesson learned.
SpartanForce
Member
oh, wtf. Girl was to go on a date with me today, I call her, she was at lunch and said she would call back. She didn't. I should have stopped there, but no, I go to msn in the evening and try to talk, she don't even respond to why she didn't return the call.
fuck her, jesus. fucking bipolar. I made it clear that was a date and she said yes.
I don't understand women. Sometimes I have so much rage against them - its like they are from another planet or something.
fuck her, jesus. fucking bipolar. I made it clear that was a date and she said yes.
I don't understand women. Sometimes I have so much rage against them - its like they are from another planet or something.
luckyboyceo
Member
Don't sweat it, sounds like she was just being moody. Based off your first date, and even parts of the second it sounds like she's obviously in to you. I would imagine she'll reach out to you soon if she hasn't already. Stay the course.
I would pump the brakes a little. Don't ask her again and see how she acts towards you at work. If things go well and you feel the need to ask her again in a couple weeks then that's fine, but definitely not anything soon. There's a very real chance she was legitimately sick (it is November after all), so I wouldn't take it too personal.
Time wise, how far removed are you from your ex? I recall your situation a bit but the GAF downtime has made my memory cloudy. Be proud that you were able to pull her at least.
TheSchwab_7
Member
About 3 weeks now. Some good days, some bad. Even when things are going good during the day, there's always that certain something that reminds me of a time we had together which sucks, but I'm trying to be more optimistic now. Also, nights really suck. Gets pretty lonely sometimes.
RedHerring
Neo Member
Based on your post it sounds to me like you might be a bit passive. Have you slept with either of these girls? I wonder if M might be more receptive if you would be more assertive. Being completely passive and constantly waiting on her to tell you to kiss her is unattractive and boring. Instead of depending on her to make the moves, set something up and assert your desire to sleep with her. Tell her with confidence, and then do it. Don't beat around the bush. Tell her you want to fuck her, and if she goes cold after you've done that, or gets spooked, then cut her off, and tell her, since she was just using you. I'm suspicious because of her behaviour at the club, getting you to kiss her in front of her friends. That sounds like her showing off or trying to make someone jealous.
With K if she's shy and more consistent then you're fine to take things slower.
No biggie, carry on. She's not worth your time.
soundahfekz
Member
To me it sounds like you never had sex with M, which is clearly what her intentions were. She wants a good fuck. Maybe more at some point, but for now it's clear. As men, we have to remember that women like sex also, and that the idea of initiating towards that shouldn't be so foreign or taboo when the indicators are clearly there that you miss out on it.
Next time you see "M" at a party, take her somewhere get it done! Don't catch feelings afterward either. Her hot and cold random pop ups are very likely to mean she's letting someone else have a piece too.
Don't force yourself to be interested in K either.
Yep nights after a break up are the worse. Try to fill that void with activities and time spent with friends. It gets better that's for sure.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Something I greatly dislike about myself is that there are periods in my life (several such periods have happened during this year's semesters) where, deep down, I'm so frustrated and sad with females that I ignore opportunities even when I recognize them.
It's not that this results in pessimistic or antagonist behavior to girls--in fact, ironically I'll establish fantastic rapport with girls, and sometimes my friends will playfully jab about why I did not pursue even when she was showing signs of interest. I don't know, though... most of the time, what is universally considered "sexual interest" to most guys ends up just platonic interest with me, and I decide there's no point pursuing.
I just hate hitting these ruts. It's likely depression.
It's not that this results in pessimistic or antagonist behavior to girls--in fact, ironically I'll establish fantastic rapport with girls, and sometimes my friends will playfully jab about why I did not pursue even when she was showing signs of interest. I don't know, though... most of the time, what is universally considered "sexual interest" to most guys ends up just platonic interest with me, and I decide there's no point pursuing.
I just hate hitting these ruts. It's likely depression.
RedHerring
Neo Member
This guy gets it. Take control of the situation rather than let yourself be at the mercy of this girl.
Text from M today:
"Hi...R u free today? I'm in the city and owe u a chat"
I responded, but I think the tone of my text was a bit harsh because she didn't respond. Dammit...
I only started with both recently, so sorry to say nothing passed first base. Trust me when I say I've been as aggressive as possible without sounding strange. I kissed her goodnight on the first date, and then after two weeks of dodging me, this club thing happened. She just said it as soon as we saw each other...I haven't been waiting for anything. You may have a point about about bringing up sleeping together though...she keeps talking about her busy life, so maybe she just wants something casual.
If we ever get to have the chat, maybe I can find out.
"Hi...R u free today? I'm in the city and owe u a chat"
I responded, but I think the tone of my text was a bit harsh because she didn't respond. Dammit...
I only started with both recently, so sorry to say nothing passed first base. Trust me when I say I've been as aggressive as possible without sounding strange. I kissed her goodnight on the first date, and then after two weeks of dodging me, this club thing happened. She just said it as soon as we saw each other...I haven't been waiting for anything. You may have a point about about bringing up sleeping together though...she keeps talking about her busy life, so maybe she just wants something casual.
If we ever get to have the chat, maybe I can find out.
ThanksVision
Member
I know what you mean. Me and this girl can be so happy when we're with each other, but she 's so on and off. Sometimes (primarily during school) she just seems indifferent to any feelings. But then other days it's really apparent. It's really aggravating.
Like me or don't like me! Haha.
Like me or don't like me! Haha.
TheVampire
Banned
I think this girl is really into me?
-She sees me on a dating site but tracks me down on facebook and adds me there
-We send a few messages to each other and she gives me her phone number
-I call her for the first time last night for a chat which goes well
-After the call she sends me another message saying it was nice chatting and if I want to meet up on Tuesday
-She sees me on a dating site but tracks me down on facebook and adds me there
-We send a few messages to each other and she gives me her phone number
-I call her for the first time last night for a chat which goes well
-After the call she sends me another message saying it was nice chatting and if I want to meet up on Tuesday
no she hates you and obviously wants to hook up with you because she isn't interested in you
Atramental
Banned
Vampire, that girl wants your cookies and dick.
luckyboyceo
Member
Just got back from my date with the girl in my class and it went incredibly well. She was laughing the whole time and it's actually pretty ridiculous how many things we have in common. She's gorgeous too, which helps.
Found out that she took 2 busses from campus to meet up with me. Obviously I gave her a ride back but I looked at it as a sign that she clearly wanted to go out enough to where she went out of her way to get there. No kiss but that wasn't really the plan. I tend to go for the kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date (which we made plans for) so I'll give that a go next time around.
Thanks to everyone in this thread that helped me out with this situation. I normally tend to take my time with women/dating and had you guys not convinced me to sack up I probably would have never asked her out. Very glad I did.
Found out that she took 2 busses from campus to meet up with me. Obviously I gave her a ride back but I looked at it as a sign that she clearly wanted to go out enough to where she went out of her way to get there. No kiss but that wasn't really the plan. I tend to go for the kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date (which we made plans for) so I'll give that a go next time around.
Thanks to everyone in this thread that helped me out with this situation. I normally tend to take my time with women/dating and had you guys not convinced me to sack up I probably would have never asked her out. Very glad I did.
TheVampire
Banned
Just spoke to her just then for a second time and aranged a date for Tuesday.
I got a good feeling about this one after all my other dates this year fizzled.
Gonna meet up and get something to eat then I'll suggest going on a walk and hope something happens.
As I'm on my phone, a couple quick ones: don't overanalyze things, as always. If sometimes things don't go perfectly, don't assume it's because of you or the end of you two. She, or you, could just be having a shitty day. Don't get jealous. She should still have her own life, as should you. Thats perfectly normal. And a last one: enjoy it
Btw, how come 'not so soon'?
BoobPhysics101
Banned
Fuck you Karina, I'm sorry
Cpt.Underpants
Member
So I decided to post this short story here in this thread, maybe it'll help with reducing this painful feeling in my chest, no its not a heart attack. Sincere apologies in advance if this is the wrong place to put it. I jut really need to get this off my chest
Past:
I've had this huge crush on this girl since high school, I was 16 at the time. I really really like her to bits. I'm an extremely shy guy and quite dense back then. I had numerous pathetic attempts to try to ummm, woo her? Like giving her a silver necklace with a pendant of two hearts intertwined during her birthday and gave her 3 or 1 (I think) rose during valentines day and etc.
My intentions were quite obvious but I just could not "read" her at all. I really have no clue how to start. But I managed to get her number thanks to a friend. It took me a couple of hours deciding whether to call her. I was really nervous when I was dialing her number because my hands were all shaky and sweaty. She answered and we had a really fun conversation, lasting up until 5-6 in the morning (3-4 hrs chit chat), but we both still managed to get into class on time. We both smiled when I made eye contact with her. And this late night phone calls kept on going just as long she's not busy with her studies and I'm not holding her up if she's doing something important, I usually ask her permission first if she's busy before I decide to call her.
I was her partner during a group dance competition(Prom), our group bested the other competitors much to our delight. During this PROM event, where we ask a special someone to dance on the floor with this love song playing in the background, I manage to awkwardly ask here, thanks to the behest on the entire class, she agreed but she was a quite uncomfortable judging from her body language, though she did thank me for asking her out on a dance via mobile phone. (uh huh I know right). And as always I've never struck an actual conversation with her, Face to Face. Days, months past and still nothing. We graduated I congratulated her and vice versa, yeah, via mobile phone again.
Eventually she moved to her mother in the US and I ended up in Scotland, I've had barely any communication with her not to mention seeing her at all, spanning 1-2 years I think (I lived in Scotland for 4 years.)
Present:
So here I am, now 21 (decided to stay single because she is the only one) and a lot has changed myself included. I managed to get rid a bit of my shyness and be a lot more observant, thanks to some college friends in Scotland (I just took their advice). I decided to take a months vacation back in my home country after I graduated from college and was surprised knowing she was here as well for a while now after I asked her older sister how was she. An old friend came by and told me that she's already been taken by someone else. I have no idea when this happened, but I pretended to ignore it. I really wanted to hear it from her, so I got her number (thanks to a friend) text her asking if she's available during Sunday and she was. We met, awkwardly complimented each other, took her to a Italian pizza house in the mall, talked and giggled quite a lot and eating at the same time. I took her to the cinema to watch Paranormal Activity 3, scared me and she got slightly scared as well.
After the movies, I wanted to take her home but she was insistent that I don't have to literally accompany to her house. So I agreed with her. Since my uncle lives nearby a couple of kilometers from her house, I'll be dropped off earlier than her. And while we were riding the car I whispered to her ear asking, "Do you have a boyfriend"? and she said "yes", her "yes" answer kept echoing on my head I couldn't hear her talk for a few seconds, much to my dismay. It felt as if something punch me in the chest. I went silent for a few seconds and strangely kept nodding. I think she noticed I was quite taken back from her answer. And here I was arriving at my destination she kissed me in the cheek and I kissed her cheek as well (i missed). Said my goodbyes and vice versa (its my last night of my vacation). She then sent me a text message after I arrived home, thanking me and telling me I was very late in attempting to win her heart.
And that's pretty much it, there's just regret and I know I have only to blame myself for being too slow at this. It feels really hard, the idea of moving on (if that's even possible). Her face, its as if its branded in my brain. Is moving on (stay single for the rest of my life, my own definition of moving on) the best option or just wait?
Many thanks to my high school/drinking buddies, even though their no gaffer.
Past:
I've had this huge crush on this girl since high school, I was 16 at the time. I really really like her to bits. I'm an extremely shy guy and quite dense back then. I had numerous pathetic attempts to try to ummm, woo her? Like giving her a silver necklace with a pendant of two hearts intertwined during her birthday and gave her 3 or 1 (I think) rose during valentines day and etc.
My intentions were quite obvious but I just could not "read" her at all. I really have no clue how to start. But I managed to get her number thanks to a friend. It took me a couple of hours deciding whether to call her. I was really nervous when I was dialing her number because my hands were all shaky and sweaty. She answered and we had a really fun conversation, lasting up until 5-6 in the morning (3-4 hrs chit chat), but we both still managed to get into class on time. We both smiled when I made eye contact with her. And this late night phone calls kept on going just as long she's not busy with her studies and I'm not holding her up if she's doing something important, I usually ask her permission first if she's busy before I decide to call her.
I was her partner during a group dance competition(Prom), our group bested the other competitors much to our delight. During this PROM event, where we ask a special someone to dance on the floor with this love song playing in the background, I manage to awkwardly ask here, thanks to the behest on the entire class, she agreed but she was a quite uncomfortable judging from her body language, though she did thank me for asking her out on a dance via mobile phone. (uh huh I know right). And as always I've never struck an actual conversation with her, Face to Face. Days, months past and still nothing. We graduated I congratulated her and vice versa, yeah, via mobile phone again.
Eventually she moved to her mother in the US and I ended up in Scotland, I've had barely any communication with her not to mention seeing her at all, spanning 1-2 years I think (I lived in Scotland for 4 years.)
Present:
So here I am, now 21 (decided to stay single because she is the only one) and a lot has changed myself included. I managed to get rid a bit of my shyness and be a lot more observant, thanks to some college friends in Scotland (I just took their advice). I decided to take a months vacation back in my home country after I graduated from college and was surprised knowing she was here as well for a while now after I asked her older sister how was she. An old friend came by and told me that she's already been taken by someone else. I have no idea when this happened, but I pretended to ignore it. I really wanted to hear it from her, so I got her number (thanks to a friend) text her asking if she's available during Sunday and she was. We met, awkwardly complimented each other, took her to a Italian pizza house in the mall, talked and giggled quite a lot and eating at the same time. I took her to the cinema to watch Paranormal Activity 3, scared me and she got slightly scared as well.
After the movies, I wanted to take her home but she was insistent that I don't have to literally accompany to her house. So I agreed with her. Since my uncle lives nearby a couple of kilometers from her house, I'll be dropped off earlier than her. And while we were riding the car I whispered to her ear asking, "Do you have a boyfriend"? and she said "yes", her "yes" answer kept echoing on my head I couldn't hear her talk for a few seconds, much to my dismay. It felt as if something punch me in the chest. I went silent for a few seconds and strangely kept nodding. I think she noticed I was quite taken back from her answer. And here I was arriving at my destination she kissed me in the cheek and I kissed her cheek as well (i missed). Said my goodbyes and vice versa (its my last night of my vacation). She then sent me a text message after I arrived home, thanking me and telling me I was very late in attempting to win her heart.
And that's pretty much it, there's just regret and I know I have only to blame myself for being too slow at this. It feels really hard, the idea of moving on (if that's even possible). Her face, its as if its branded in my brain. Is moving on (stay single for the rest of my life, my own definition of moving on) the best option or just wait?
Many thanks to my high school/drinking buddies, even though their no gaffer.
Be gentle GAF
Sounds great, good job
Had two nice confidence boosts Friday night. Met a random girl from a course I'm done with now and she remembered both my name and where we had met before so it was nice knowing I'm rememberable and stand out
Also teased a girl I've seen on and off for a year while partying, because she was seemingly buying herself six shots at the bar. We don't know each other at all yet two minutes later she came up from behind on the dance floor and gave me a fairly sexual hug and wanted to dance for a while. Nothing happened of course, for she found a cute rastafarian girl Too damn passive out of cowardice, but every step counts.CherryWoodFuton
Member
Smoke, drink, party til you can't move and get her out your head. There's plenty more girls out there dude.
Who the fuck cares? No, seriously.
Let me put it in gaming terms for you. Chasing women is a bit like a game of Capture the Flag; if she's hot, chances are that other guys have noticed and someone is already tapping that ass. Your job is to become the one tapping that ass on the regular. You shouldn't get confrontational or critical of her current boyfriend but you still gotta make moves. If she sees that you could offer her more than the guy she's currently seeing, she probably won't care about already having a boyfriend either.
And move on. Assuming you follow our advice, you'll read your previous post in a few years and laugh at how ridiculous it is. She's the one and only? C'mon son.
Sounds to me like she's telling you, you could've had her if you had had the guts to take her. I'd take pride in that. But you REALLY need to let her go, and go out and find another woman. Staying single because you're waiting for this particular one to become available (which she might never ever become, nor is that a guarantee that you still have a shot at her) is a bad idea on a truly grand scale. Come on, the odds of a teenage crush lasting forever are not in your favor. You're 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. You're gonna hate yourself when you're older if you're gonna stay single on purpose during your prime. And if you find someone interesting later on, you'll not know what to do, unless you practice your ass off now.
Biological imperative, 'rites of passage', adventure, companionship.
It's easier to understand women if you've ever been clinically depressed or bi-polar.
I really don't understand how guys can live like this. I know having the courage to go after women is hard but this seems like it's so much harder.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
I feel sorry for him, I know this feeling. I'd rather be in his position though, 21 is a great age. Wish I was 21 again and not nearing 30. Could be worse Cpt.Underpants.
Don't feel regret, don't blame yourself here because you did the best you could. If there's a lesson there about acting learn it. It's pointless to worry about past decisions and how they affect you know unless they're a pattern that needs broken, and that change only starts now anyways.
Waiting is never an option. Even if you were dating her and she wasn't your 'girlfriend' yet, I'd suggest still keeping your options open, and TRYING to date other girls. At the extreme you stay friends with her while dating other girls and if she becomes available play your hand, and if you find someone else you like, great.
BoobPhysics101
Banned
Sounds great, good job
Had two nice confidence boosts Friday night. Met a random girl from a course I'm done with now and she remembered both my name and where we had met before so it was nice knowing I'm rememberable and stand out
Sounds good, I suggest you start going the distance and trying to finish the job! Remember, all you gotta do is ask for a hangout and see where it goes.
Next time bring a towel
Ughhhhhhh hahahaha, I've earned my red wings before but I don't mind waiting to avoid the Red Horror.
Boozeroony
Member
I concur.
TurboLibre
Member
Sorry to hear that man, I can really relate to a story like that. Truth is though you did the best you could. You made moves and she just reacted coldly, and I guess, sat around waiting for you to continue pursuing her. There has to be give and take, and if all she's doing is taking she wasn't worth your time to begin with. Let her be someone elses problem.
That was sort of a dick move on her part. And her heart isn't something you're supposed to win. If she actually said that, I say good riddance.
The Shadow
Member
luckyboyceo
Member
Cpt.Underpants, listen to this man. This is spot on.
You're fooling yourself if you think she's the only one out there for you, especially at your age. Life isn't a scene from The Notebook. I understand you feel like you can't move on, and that makes sense if this is the only girl you've ever had feelings for in your life, but trust us, you can and WILL move on.
It's going to take some time, but the best thing to do now would be to distance yourself from her as hard as that sounds. You're not going to do yourself any favors by trying to maintain any sort of relationship with her, trust me I've been there. Use this as a learning experience and next time know that you can't just wait around forever. You need to be more assertive and take control of the situation early on.
You'll make it man, just hang in there. Best of luck!
TheSchwab_7
Member
Weighed myself today. I've lost 15 pounds since being dumped. Yeah, this can't be healthy.
Man, I'm clueless and even more fucking confused. On the one hand, I feel like I should be more proactive in trying to find girlfriends. On the other hand, I feel that such an aim is misguided and useless considering the deep issues I'm trying to resolve. Then on the other hand, I'm trying to figure out if my desire for such social company and interactions is just me searching for some kind of validation, which if that's the case, then it would be the worst possible reason for me to do it because then it'd be like a drug propping up myself when I should be getting validation from within.
Then comes the part where I just don't have no idea what to do to meet girls. Over the past year I've driven places around here and gone to some bars, but I never really meet anyone. There's one bar where I know regulars, but they stay within that sub-category of people you just know from the bar. People have suggested things like dance classes but I can't find any locally. And I'm super annoyed that all the meetup groups so far that I've joined only seem to be holding happy hour events which coincide with me being at work (never mind I can't drink alcohol).
Oh well, on the bright side my therapist has me doing activities to feel better about myself, so maybe if this works, I won't be thinking about these things too much. Sure I'll still be a 30+ year old virgin, but at least I'll be able to tell myself that I'm still cool....somehow.
Then comes the part where I just don't have no idea what to do to meet girls. Over the past year I've driven places around here and gone to some bars, but I never really meet anyone. There's one bar where I know regulars, but they stay within that sub-category of people you just know from the bar. People have suggested things like dance classes but I can't find any locally. And I'm super annoyed that all the meetup groups so far that I've joined only seem to be holding happy hour events which coincide with me being at work (never mind I can't drink alcohol).
Oh well, on the bright side my therapist has me doing activities to feel better about myself, so maybe if this works, I won't be thinking about these things too much. Sure I'll still be a 30+ year old virgin, but at least I'll be able to tell myself that I'm still cool....somehow.
This should be in the OP. This is the mindset every guy needs to have.
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