A very good friend of mine is cheating on her husband and I don't know what to do...

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I love GAF sometime, one thread "mind yo biz" next thread detective GAF comes out in full force to ruin someone.

OT: I think you should talk to her, see what the deal is... It MIGHT be an open relationship, then again it might not be. Also, it might not be worth it to get involved as much as that might suck.If you can't help the situation leave it alone, and distance yourself from it.
 
Trust the people saying "mind your own business"

If he finds out somehow and asks you about just act dumb, he or she cannot prove you ever knew anything.
 
She is about to go through a tough time. If you ever wanted to do sexual things with her, now is the time to get in on it. Because she's gonna be looking real ruff once her husband finds out and divorce happens.
 
the husband deserves to know. tell him. there is no reason to cheat. if you're unhappy or out of love, you tell her SO.
 
With the rates of cheating, it's time as a society we stop pretending. Either curb universal expectations that monogamy is important for every relationship as so many are simply not going to adhere, or create new ways and systems for relationships.

This is just being realistic.

Edit: probably it's own topic. Sorry.
 
ThisWreckage said:
That's not what is happening in this thread. Obviously people are saying "don't interfere" because they wouldn't want to be told either. In short, they prefer to live in the dark.
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People are saying don't interfere because he has nothing to gain from it and he doesn't have concrete proof.

cartoon_soldier said:
I have got concrete proof.
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and it is ...

YoungHav said:
OP you sound jealous.
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That's kind of my take on it. Either he had feelings for this person at one time, which has turned into distaste because he is disappointed in her or he has some kind of warped morality that compels him.
 
cartoon_soldier said:
I am leaving work and the US and going back to India this December. I realized it was not possible for me to continue working with these two people knowing what was going on and instead of trying to find a new job while on Green Card processing, I could go home and look after our family business.
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What? You're letting this affect decisions regarding your own life?

I personally wouldn't say anything but if you and the husband are as close as you think you are then maybe you should tell him.
 
ThisWreckage said:
This doesn't invalidate what I said. If the husband wants to believe her in that scenario even though he took the time to forewarn him then the cheater and the willful moron should be left alone to their own devices.
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Doesn't seem to me like the guy even has any proof she's cheating. Sure, he should go ahead and tell the husband, as long as he isn't surprised when it inevitably blows up in his face.

cartoon_soldier said:
I have got concrete proof.
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Concrete? Such as?
 
Zabka said:
Spreading lies about you? Get that high paying job in India and scorch the earth behind you.
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I'm starting to wonder if I'm just going crazy here. The woman is possibly spreading lies about OP in the workplace just because he might suspect something, but some people are still like "lol itz nun your biz, stay out of it." Depending on what OP does have proof on, it might not be a bad idea to nuke the site from orbit before going to India.
 
krypt0nian said:
With the rates of cheating, it's time as a society we stop pretending. Either curb universal expectations that monogamy is important for every relationship as so many are simply not going to adhere, or create new ways and systems for relationships.

This is just being realistic.
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So the realistic solution is to educate society on relationships rather than talk to the wife or husband?
 
cartoon_soldier said:
I have got concrete proof.
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Then that's all you need if it can't be argued against. Let him make up his mind after seeing it. Clearly she is in the wrong and there is nothing negative about the husband it seems. He and the kids should be the ones that come out on top in this. Especially if she tries to leave him and wants money, the kids, etc.
 
I'd want to be told, myself.

Putting myself in the husband's shoes, if you knew about this, and had concrete proof, I'd want you to tell me. But hey, that's me, I'm not him, etc.

Talking to the wife will accomplish absolutely nothing.

Do what you think is right.

And I find that the odds of them having an open relationship are highly unlikely.
 
She sounds like an asshole. Get proof and present it to the husband. If you confront her first, she's not going to tell him and will only start erasing the texts and being more secretive. She will also expect that you're going to tell her husband which means she's going to start flinging tons of shit to try and discredit you. Tell the husband before she can do any of that.
 
Don't be a snitch.

What if u were hanging out with some chick (or even cheating) and some rat told your SO.

Snitches need to fuck off and get a life
 
Why does it seem like whenever a "What should I do GAF?" thread is posted, these are always the results?

- OP posts a problem, what should I do GAF?
- GAF gives advice
- OP quotes posts and responds to them, explaining his/her decision
- OP doesn't listen to GAF and then does what he/she wanted/didn't want to do from the beginning
 
Ah, the "mind your own business" chorus. How badass.

Tell the guy, OP. Your co-worker is already setting fire to the vows that she made, so why not add a little gasoline to the flames?
 
A friend is supposed to level with you and have your back when things get hairy. A person that looks the other way is no friend at all. In fact, if a friend of mine knew that a hypothetical wife of mine was cheating and looked the other way that would be a borderline unforgivable sin in my eyes.
 
I'd talk to her about it. If she is unrepentant or continues to lie about it drop the bomb on the husband right before you leave the country. Then you won't have to be a part of the drama.
 
ToxicAdam said:
and it is ...
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How about just being able to tell the husband all the lies she told him, e.g. her Husband was invited to have some drinks with us after work. He didn't show up and she told the 4 people from work present it was because he was tired. Eventually that night, after everybody left the two people in question remained behind. Next Monday at Poker, I found out that he didn't come because she told him that one of our clients was joining us for drinks.

What? You're letting this affect decisions regarding your own life?
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It's a decision I had to eventually make, just making it sooner. I am happy with the outcome in that way.
 
Mammoth Jones said:
This is why I'm not friends with my coworkers.

So here's the thing, OP: Is telling the husband worth your job? Because that's what's on the line. You insert yourself in someone else's intimate business like that and it's a coworker you don't think she isn't gonna do everything she can to get you fired? You don't think the dude she's fucking who's ALSO a coworker wouldn't do the same?

Look, I understand the "do the right thing by the husband" talk on GAF. But in the real world there can be real consequences to doing that.

So think it through. Personally? Cheating isn't a crime and I"m not obligated to get involved. And I wouldn't. Because no matter what happens I'm gonna be the bad guy. To everyone involved. Including the husband. She'll tell him you're just jealous and have been trying to get in her panties. She'll lie. And he WILL believe it. He has to. You think he just gonna let his marriage be flipped upside down on your word?

Now consider your job. This is your paper, your bread, how you pay the bills. Can you AFFORD this type of complication? Can you risk it? I can't. I wouldn't let anything fuck with my ability to make my bread.
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Listen to this man OP. Who do you think the husband will believe? You or the wife? And after he believes her, she will make your life miserable at work. The only correct way to tell him is to send him the "concrete" evidence that you have anonymously. You know nothing about their relationship to judge.
 
ThisWreckage said:
A friend is supposed to level with you and have your back when things get hairy. A person that looks the other way is no friend at all. In fact, if a friend of mine knew that a hypothetical wife of mine was cheating and looked the other way that would be a borderline unforgivable sin in my eyes.
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The husband in this story is not a friend, just an acquaintance.

cartoon_soldier said:
How about just being able to tell the husband all the lies she told him, e.g. her Husband was invited to have some drinks with us after work. He didn't show up and she told the 4 people from work present it was because he was tired. Eventually that night, after everybody left the two people in question remained behind. Next Monday at Poker, I found out that he didn't come because she told him that one of our clients was joining us for drinks.
.
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This is still not concrete proof. This is just evidence that she is a shitty wife.
 
maomaoIYP said:
Listen to this man OP. Who do you think the husband will believe? You or the wife? And after he believes her, she will make your life miserable at work. The only correct way to tell him is to send him the "concrete" evidence that you have anonymously. You know nothing about their relationship to judge.
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Agreed, I don't know how the husband will take it. If she can spread lies about me at work, god knows what she has already told her husband.
 
Regardless of her being vindictive towards you, she's also putting the husband at risk for STDs. You should tell him.
 
Only way I see this working out is he telling the husband, husband tells wife.

Wife makes a sub story that she turned down his advances and now he is getting revenge. HR fires him to avoid problems.

seen similar shit happen before. That is why I keep coworkers at aquiantence level.
 
boutdown said:
Why does it seem like whenever a "What should I do GAF?" thread is posted, these are always the results?

- OP posts a problem, what should I do GAF?
- GAF gives advice
- OP quotes posts and responds to them, explaining his/her decision
- OP doesn't listen to GAF and the does what he/she wanted to do from the beginning
Click to expand...


People just want validation. "Does anybody else ... ?"

I am still in the "tell him anon" camp. I would want to be told, a stranger, a co-worker ... for fuck's sake tell me if I'm being cheated on.
 
I support the anonymous telling. If you're are moving out of the country anyways, fuck this lady and tell her husband. Send him the proof and move away, everyone none the wiser and you clear of the issue. I'd want to be told so I could divorce her ass as far as possible. Be a good guy.
 
ToxicAdam said:
He does not have concrete proof.
Doesn't have an active relationship with the husband.
Has absolutely nothing to gain from passing along this information.


So, why even expose yourself to this situation and the incredible drama it could cause if you have one foot out the door already? There is only bad that can come from him inserting himself into it (as is already the case with all the bad-mouthing he is currently receiving).
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- Investigate some, by asking her whats up. Asking around, if you really care that much. Find concrete proof.

- I care about many people I do not know. If you got hurt right now I would give a shit about you .

- Possibly helping someone is gain enough for me.
 
boutdown said:
Why does it seem like whenever a "What should I do GAF?" thread is posted, these are always the results?

- OP posts a problem, what should I do GAF?
- GAF gives advice
- OP quotes posts and responds to them, explaining his/her decision
- OP doesn't listen to GAF and the does what he/she wanted to do from the beginning
Click to expand...

Probably, but it is good to see people's thought process. And in replying to posts it does help clear up my thought process too.

Right now we have got people who want me to stay out, some want me to use concrete proof and tell her husband, some want me to confront her first. I really am not sure, what I will do in the end.
 
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