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Asian-GAF: We're all the same, like Stormtroopers |OT| |AT|

M

Magik

Member
y2dvd said:
I try to think why is that and I can only assume a little of it has to do with our physical stature. We tend to be smaller than our counterparts. When you're bigger and stronger, it's easier to appear intimidating and aggressive.

I completely agree that it's an unfair misunderstanding. A lot of gal pals won't date Asian guys for being "too polite". Heck, my girl sounded to think the same way but thought I was nice but assertive, so she gave me the pass lol.

I do notice that the first generation or two of Asians that lives in the states are usually more humble, but today's generation are becoming more assertive.
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Physical Stature is definitely a contributor since your typical average male or female tends to be a lot smaller in height and width wise. As an asian male even working out and trying to build a body is difficult as you still tend to look smaller compared to other races. Team #cantbuildachest representing!

Culture is another issue. My parents along with parents from friends and coworkers have always tend to be very similar in that their message to us growing up was to just focus on school and work hard and everything will be fine. For some time it worked as that's how a lot of families grew and prospered but I've noticed now in the last 5-10 years that it doesn't really work anymore and has produced a lot more negative effects and has perpetuated the typical stereotypes.

I remember reading an article a long time ago that said something along the lines that Asians make up a huge percentage of people that go to prestigious schools and institutions to get the credentials to help become the next big VPs, CEOs, or basically any of the really high upper-management positions, but at the end of the day, they only make up a tiny minority. Being simply a hard worker, super polite, risk-adverse just isn't cutting it in todays world.

Another obvious effect I've seen goes back to the stereotyping that was brought up in that Asian men particular are looked as weaker, too polite, non-aggressive etc. Its really true as I can attest to that. I've always grew up being super polite, never tried to really stir things up, non-aggressive and now when I look back on my life, I realize how much that has had held me back in my life in all areas. ie work, social life, relationships, social skills.

Fortunately for my sake, trying to change those types of habits by being essentially more aggressive and less passive has had a greater positive change in my life. Sure there has been some downsides, but that's normal. You'll never know true balance if you don't know both ends of the spectrum.
 
R

Rice-Eater

Member
suzu said:
I dunno what/why we do any of the traditions and my family hasn't really gone into detail about it either. It's unlikely that my generation will continue the traditions, but my family is mostly indifferent. The close relatives' wakes and funerals that I've been to weren't too somber either. I just try to do as much as I can out of respect.
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This is also something I often discuss with my wife, friends, and cousins. Many of us have come to the conclusion that we won't follow most of the traditions when our parents are gone. There are some exceptions and I have no problem with there decision. For now most of us only do it out of respect.

Then comes the issue that if we don't continue these things we will lose our identity. I'm not even sure how to respond to that, but if I have to keep following all those traditions and rules to keep my identity then I guess I'll have to decline. Not that I'm going to let it decide how I identify myself but for those that will use that against me, they can draw there own conclusions because I'm not going to live my life according to how they think I should.
 
C

CapNBritain

Member
Rice-Eater said:
This is also something I often discuss with my wife, friends, and cousins. Many of us have come to the conclusion that we won't follow most of the traditions when our parents are gone. There are some exceptions and I have no problem with there decision. For now most of us only do it out of respect.

Then comes the issue that if we don't continue these things we will lose our identity. I'm not even sure how to respond to that, but if I have to keep following all those traditions and rules to keep my identity then I guess I'll have to decline. Not that I'm going to let it decide how I identify myself but for those that will use that against me, they can draw there own conclusions because I'm not going to live my life according to how they think I should.
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I agree with all of this. And I'm fortunate that my parents, and my fiancee's parents, don't seem to mind. It will be a shame that my kids probably won't learn Chinese (unless they want to), but everything else doesn't matter much to me. This really helps when planning a wedding, as I've seen the kind of stuff people have to go through for the sake of tradition. Craziness from both Asian and non-Asian families.

I think it's the American Dream to be able to pick and choose. Handing out red envelopes and the whole Santa thing are the only "traditions" I can think of wanting to continue. Everything else we will make up as we go along.
 
I

IAmtheFMan

Member
Rainy said:
My parents are the opposite and refrigerate like everything
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It's like an unwritten rule that Korean families have at minimum 2 refrigerators, with an average probably 3.

One for upstairs everyday use. One for overflow storage. And then the one that you don't open lest the smell overtake the house for a week.
 
S

suzu

Member
CapNBritain said:
I think it's the American Dream to be able to pick and choose. Handing out red envelopes and the whole Santa thing are the only "traditions" I can think of wanting to continue. Everything else we will make up as we go along.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'd like to try to continue traditional holidays like Lunar New Year, Winter Solstice, Mid-Autumn/Moon Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, etc. Well, just the fun parts of them. haha
 
C

CapNBritain

Member
suzu said:
Yeah, I'd like to try to continue traditional holidays like Lunar New Year, Winter Solstice, Mid-Autumn/Moon Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, etc. Well, just the fun parts of them. haha
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I have no idea when any of those are and what you are supposed to do during them, despite the fact that I probably did have them when I was growing up. There's some kind of disgusting egg cake/biscuit you eat for one of them, right?
 
S

suzu

Member
CapNBritain said:
I have no idea when any of those are and what you are supposed to do during them, despite the fact that I probably did have them when I was growing up. There's some kind of disgusting egg cake/biscuit you eat for one of them, right?
Click to expand...

I don't know the exact dates or all the uhh activities either, but I suppose I can check the internet. Mainly it's just an excuse to eat stuff we don't normally eat. lol

Are you thinking of mooncake? I don't really like the regular kind, but the white ones with green tea filling are nice. I can't really eat much of it though since it's so heavy.
 
V

Valkerionseven

Member
teruterubozu said:
My mom's freezer is FILLED with bread. So is that an Asian mom thing afterall?
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Definitely not asian exclusive lol. I think its an old school person thing cause I see tons of different races parents doing that. I guess it makes the bread last a few days... weeks? longer without getting mouldy?
 
A

ActStriker

Member
CapNBritain said:
I have no idea when any of those are and what you are supposed to do during them, despite the fact that I probably did have them when I was growing up. There's some kind of disgusting egg cake/biscuit you eat for one of them, right?
Click to expand...

Hey man, those egg tarts aren't bad
 
S

Septimus Prime

Member
CapNBritain said:
I have no idea when any of those are and what you are supposed to do during them, despite the fact that I probably did have them when I was growing up. There's some kind of disgusting egg cake/biscuit you eat for one of them, right?
Click to expand...
1. Red envelopes
2. Glutinous rice wrapped in banana leaves (Tsone-tse?)
3. Moon cake (that dry, pasty, gross biscuit)
4. Uh...dragon boats?
 
C

CapNBritain

Member
suzu said:
I don't know the exact dates or all the uhh activities either, but I suppose I can check the internet. Mainly it's just an excuse to eat stuff we don't normally eat. lol

Are you thinking of mooncake? I don't really like the regular kind, but the white ones with green tea filling are nice. I can't really eat much of it though since it's so heavy.
Click to expand...

ActStriker said:
Hey man, those egg tarts aren't bad
Click to expand...

I was referring to these, which are mediocre at best, and downright terrible when they contain egg.

Egg tarts are goddamn delicious.

Septimus Prime said:
1. Red envelopes
2. Glutinous rice wrapped in banana leaves (Tsone-tse?)
3. Moon cake (that dry, pasty, gross biscuit)
4. Uh...dragon boats?
Click to expand...

I thought red envelopes were for any present? We use them for everything. I also thought the glutinous rice thing was just another type of everyday food.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My fiancee and I were talking about a friend of hers when I pointed out that we were using the term FOB (Fresh Off Boat) a lot. It really made me think about whether I was being hateful when I use it.

We use it to describe a specific type of Chinese or Taiwanese person who does only/mainly Chinese or Taiwanese things, eats only/mainly Chinese or Taiwanese food and hangs out with only/mainly Taiwanese and Chinese people. She noted that it was typically due to immigrants who came to America later in life, so they stuck to what they knew. She also made distinctions between the rich/fashionable ones and the poorer ones. Her friend BTW, grew up in America and was therefore not a FOB but was FOBBY due to her current lifestyle.

Although we were speaking negatively about these groups of people, specifically the ones her friend was now spending lots of time with, we determined that the negativity was not due to the definitions we had come up for FOBs. Instead, it was due to cultural attitudes and mannerisms that we saw in people of that group.

This still troubled me, since the attitudes are mostly due to the cultural differences inherent in the our definition we came up with and our own. Plus, there were undoubtedly pressures and obstacles that we don't understand that arose from coming to a country as a teen or adult that could produce attitudes we dislike. And, of course, not all FOBs are the same.

Am I like the ivory-castle "I made it" black guy looking down on black culture? Does that comparison even work when talking about a separate group of people where differences don't stem from economic gaps but cultural norms? Anyone have any thoughts?

Oh, and Happy Early New Year.
 
T

Toki767

Member
CapNBritain said:
I thought red envelopes were for any present? We use them for everything.
Click to expand...

They basically are now I think. Birthdays, New Year, weddings, etc...

Usually married people are supposed to give them to unmarried people too but nowadays it's more older people giving them to younger people.
 
Kite

Kite

Member
jasonng said:
I still don't get why my mother likes to refrigerate bread.
Click to expand...
My parents only do this to mantou, chinese steamed buns. I was skeptical at first cus it sounds dumb, but damn if it doesn't work. It'l last for weeks and when unthawed it tastes about the same. Random pro-tip: freezing those dry 5 spice tofu doesn't change the taste imo and makes it more porous meaning it sucks up more sauces and juices. yum yum
 
W

Warrior_Keoni

Member
Marylander checking in. Dad just made some of these last night, but not an exact look-alike.

tumblr_inline_mgqumm00lT1rbuiod.jpg


Some dim sum places serve these, but not all. Aside from egg tarts, crab claw balls are some of my favorite dishes to order.
 
Z

Zhao_Yun

Member
Didn't know that we had a thread for Asian-GAF here so hi everyone!
I am a Cantonese-Chinese born and raised in Germany. I feel like I have some Vietnamese roots as well, since my parents were both born and raised in Vietnam despite being ethnically Chinese. It's one of the reasons why I love Vietnamese food!

CapNBritain said:
Egg tarts are goddamn delicious.
Click to expand...

Yes, they are awesome. I'd wish I had some of those now. It's really hard to get them here in Germany since the Asian community isn't that big outside of certain cities. Really hard to find a decent restaurant for Dim Sum as well :/

I thought red envelopes were for any present? We use them for everything. I also thought the glutinous rice thing was just another type of everyday food.
Click to expand...

I might be wring but I think originally they were only used for new years but my family uses them for money presents as well :p
 
J

jasonng

Member
CapNBritain said:
My fiancee and I were talking about a friend of hers when I pointed out that we were using the term FOB (Fresh Off Boat) a lot. It really made me think about whether I was being hateful when I use it.

We use it to describe a specific type of Chinese or Taiwanese person who does only/mainly Chinese or Taiwanese things, eats only/mainly Chinese or Taiwanese food and hangs out with only/mainly Taiwanese and Chinese people. She noted that it was typically due to immigrants who came to America later in life, so they stuck to what they knew. She also made distinctions between the rich/fashionable ones and the poorer ones. Her friend BTW, grew up in America and was therefore not a FOB but was FOBBY due to her current lifestyle.

Although we were speaking negatively about these groups of people, specifically the ones her friend was now spending lots of time with, we determined that the negativity was not due to the definitions we had come up for FOBs. Instead, it was due to cultural attitudes and mannerisms that we saw in people of that group.

This still troubled me, since the attitudes are mostly due to the cultural differences inherent in the our definition we came up with and our own. Plus, there were undoubtedly pressures and obstacles that we don't understand that arose from coming to a country as a teen or adult that could produce attitudes we dislike. And, of course, not all FOBs are the same.

Am I like the ivory-castle "I made it" black guy looking down on black culture? Does that comparison even work when talking about a separate group of people where differences don't stem from economic gaps but cultural norms? Anyone have any thoughts?

Oh, and Happy Early New Year.
Click to expand...

I grew up using Fob as a derogatory slang. It was targeted towards Fujianese people because they were often the majority that would immigrated over. That wasn't necessarily true and I didn't notice at the time. What I didn't realize was that I wasn't using it to describe other Asians who were also immigrants, just Fujianese people. And like you I noticed that I was really using Fob to describe their mannerisms.

I've stopped using the term since. I don't think you're looking down on other Asians if you were to describe someone fobby. You're really pointing out rude behavior despite cultural differences.
 
I

IAmtheFMan

Member
I know this was discussed a ways back when it was premiering, but did Asian-GAF watch Marco Polo? What were people's impressions?

To be honest, I'm in the middle of the second episode and it's not grabbing me. Plus I'm already seeing a lot of the same tropes of Western depictions of Asian settings and it's bothering me already.
 
R

Rainy

Banned
Happy New Years to you Asian-GAF! I still have over 8 hours until 2015 myself.

2014 was a good year but hoping 2015 is better!
 
Y

YesNOnoNOYes

Member
Happy new year!!!

💃🎇🎆🎉🎊✨✴❇🌺🌸🌻🌼🌌❤💃
 
M

MissDeviling

Member
Do you guys like your egg tarts crusts that are flaky or non-flaky? I like them non-flaky, personally, though the flaky ones are more traditional.

Also HNY!
 
S

Slermy

Member
Hello Asian GAF! I'm only half, but it looks like I can still relate to some of these things.

Zhao_Yun said:
I might be wring but I think originally they were only used for new years but my family uses them for money presents as well :p
Click to expand...

Growing up we also used these year round, and my spouse's family (also Asian) does too.
 
C

CapNBritain

Member
jasonng said:
I grew up using Fob as a derogatory slang. It was targeted towards Fujianese people because they were often the majority that would immigrated over. That wasn't necessarily true and I didn't notice at the time. What I didn't realize was that I wasn't using it to describe other Asians who were also immigrants, just Fujianese people. And like you I noticed that I was really using Fob to describe their mannerisms.

I've stopped using the term since. I don't think you're looking down on other Asians if you were to describe someone fobby. You're really pointing out rude behavior despite cultural differences.
Click to expand...

I think we only use it for Chinese/Taiwanese people. Now that I think about it, I'd feel guilty about using it for any other Asian and wouldn't even think about using it for a non-Asian. Maybe it's because I'm Taiwanese, so I feel like I can? Or maybe because like you said, it's really describing a set of mannerisms and beliefs that are really associated with those groups in my mind.

And Happy (late) New Year!
 
C

clav

Member
backslashbunny said:
Thanks, same to you!

See I missed a discussion about mooncakes D:.



DEAR EVERYONE. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR MOONCAKES, PLEASE SEND ALL YOUR LOTUS / BLACK SESAME MOONCAKES TO ME.

Also duck yolk nomnomnomnomnom.
Click to expand...

Even if the mooncakes are tainted with gutter oil?
 
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