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[Mikeside]

Ohhh you guys... My fucking head.

Cheers to Musha for rescuing me from the overexposure to drum and bass.
Needed some good music in my ear holes

 

[noffles]

I just looked around this room I'm in. The door is locked, so I can't get out. I don't know where my clothes are either, so I can hardly start running away. There's some whips and a breast pump in the bedside drawer. There's a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on the table itself and there's a box of dildos in the corner.

What the fuck

 

[Darren870]

Were it something along the lines of "Aww sorry to hear about that babe! Wanna come over tonight and talk about it...in bed?"

Hahah a little worse. Basically the friends calling the other halfs slags and shit. Or "I never liked him/her lets go out and get f'd"

 

[Rubbish King]

So, last night was fucked up.

Got a phonecall at like, 12am asking if I was busy and whether or not I fancied going down to Piccadilly Institute. Obviously, I took the offer and went down. Haven't been out in ages, so I just went for it. There were 4 of us at first, all guys. Everything was great up until about 2am. Mate wanted to go outside for a smoke with this girl he'd met, so everyone went outside and we got talking. Turns out I went to primary school with this girl, same year and all. 2 other girls from the same year were apparently there too, so she went to get them. As the night went on, me and these girls got to talking and it ended up with me going back to one of their houses, because I said I forgot my housekeys (I hadn't). When we got there, the three of them essentially threw me onto the bed, took my clothes off and tied my arms to the headboard. I thought some kinky shit was going to go down until all three of them started mounting me without putting any rubbers on. At the end of it all, they slipped a pill in my mouth and told me they only wanted me for my sperm. I literally just woke up in the bed and I'm posting this from my phone.

phisheep, can I sue? I have the address and phone number of one of them. What else do I need?

Fuck you

 

[donkey show]

Holy Shit dude, first get yourself tested...fuuck

I'm kinda worried for you right now

As a former STD counselor, I can tell he probably has everything under the sun right now. Sorry, bro.

 

[Rubbish King]

I just looked around this room I'm in. The door is locked, so I can't get out. I don't know where my clothes are either, so I can hardly start running away. There's some whips and a breast pump in the bedside drawer. There's a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on the table itself and there's a box of dildos in the corner.

What the fuck

Fuck you

 

[JonathanEx]

Where was your phone?

 

[daviyoung]

I just looked around this room I'm in. The door is locked, so I can't get out. I don't know where my clothes are either, so I can hardly start running away. There's some whips and a breast pump in the bedside drawer. There's a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on the table itself and there's a box of dildos in the corner.

What the fuck

Use 50 shades with breast pump, take one dildo from box of dildos and take a whip. Use whip with dildo to tie the dildo to one end, then take the book-breast-pump and use it with the whip again to tie it the other end. Then jam the whole lot up your arse. Are you writing the new Leisure Suit Larry game?

 

[f0rk]

Tash have you never been on the internet on April 1st

 

[Deaf Spacker]

Unless noffles posts photographic evidence I'm reluctant to believe him.

 

[noffles]

Where was your phone?

It was on the bedside table. I got woken up by a phonecall from an unknown number, but I didn't answer it in time and they won't answer when I phone them.

 

[Rubbish King]

Tash have you never been on the internet on April 1st

Fuck you

 

[noffles]

theres a blood stain under the bed

 

[Rubbish King]

theres a blood stain under the bed

Fuck you

 

[Jedeye Sniv]

Ohhh you guys... My fucking head.

Cheers to Musha for rescuing me from the overexposure to drum and bass.
Needed some good music in my ear holes

lol

Are you home or still in London? I always find that there is no real rest until you're back in your own bed. Have a nice cuppa and listen to some Tegan and Sara you soppy git.

 

[donkey show]

Where was your phone?

But who was phone?

 

[PJV3]

Box of dildos, or a bag of dicks, which is worse.

 

[noffles]

okay so I kicked down the door and had a look around. found my clothes sitting in a washing basket down the stairs. nobody is in, but there are two little annoying dogs that keep yapping at me. I've taken some food out of the fridge, made myself some food and now I'm on my way out. they can fucking sort the door themselves. they can take my seed, but they're not taking my money.

 

[noffles]

what the fuck I'm in Bristol

 

[phisheep]

I just looked around this room I'm in. The door is locked, so I can't get out. I don't know where my clothes are either, so I can hardly start running away. There's some whips and a breast pump in the bedside drawer. There's a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on the table itself and there's a box of dildos in the corner.

What the fuck

If this is true (and I do stress the "if") then call the police before attempting to escape. The fact (or should I say "fact") that you are locked in will be good grounds for a criminal charge of false imprisonment at least and that will be admissible in a civil court if you then wish to sue.

what the fuck I'm in Bristol

Oops, too late.

But if you're in Bristol get on a number X1 or 353 bus and come and see me.

 

[noffles]

this is what I can see right now. how the fuck do I get home they hid my wallet.

 

[Kentpaul]

Sniff the dildos while you fap

 

[BGBW]

Goes to show how many of you haven't played Luigi's Mansion 2. Noffles is just reciting the plot from the forth mansion.

 

[f0rk]

That's the 5th image when googling Bristol Hilton

 

[moka]

All this funny shit seems to go down on the 1st of April. ^.-

 

[phisheep]

this is what I can see right now. how the fuck do I get home they hid my wallet.

Maybe get back in the damn house and find your damn wallet?

EDIT: Bit of a giveaway there noffles, if they'd taken your wallet you'd say they had taken it or stolen it - you wouldn't know they had hidden it.

 

[noffles]

That's the 5th image when googling Bristol Hilton

Uhhh.

UHHH.

APRIL FOOLS.

 

[Hot Coldman]

Hey guys you'll never believe it but my penis just exploded

This is going to make proposing to Musha awkward!!!1

 

[SKINNER!]

Hey guys you'll never believe it but my penis just exploded

This is going to make proposing to Musha awkward!!!1

1/10 Please try harder Hot Coldman. See me after class.

Hmm, that's weird. My last council tax direct debit payment was back in February. I don't recall cancelling it. Better call those guys up.

 

[Rubbish King]

this is what I can see right now. how the fuck do I get home they hid my wallet.

I HATE YOU

Why would you lie about such a thing you cunt!

 

[JonathanEx]

I thought the mobile was a giveaway - who'd kidnap, take clothes and leave a phone? And under the circumstances, the phone would have been placed there - hence the question on that.

(Oh, and a smartphone lasting until past noon the next day? Truly impossible.)

I mean, when I lock people in my dildo dungeon, I make sure to deal with outside world contact.

 

[daviyoung]

The biggest giveaway was the username

 

[PJV3]

I thought the mobile was a giveaway - who'd kidnap, take clothes and leave a phone? And under the circumstances, the phone would have been placed there.

I mean, when I lock people in my dildo dungeon, I make sure to deal with contact.

When I saw the Hilton I thought he was an Escort suffering from Amnesia.

 

[JonathanEx]

The biggest giveaway was the username

What, winner of Best Newcomer Award at the 2013 Troll-ies?

 

[noffles]

when do i accept my tag

 

[Hot Coldman]

when do i accept my tag

I think you already have it.

 

[noffles]

What's all this talk about being a permanent junior?

 

[Deaf Spacker]

1/10 Please try harder Hot Coldman. See me after class.

Hmm, that's weird. My last council tax direct debit payment was back in February. I don't recall cancelling it. Better call those guys up.

If you pay by direct debit don't you pay over ten months not twelve?

 

[BGBW]

Now that only admins can give out tags they are getting rarer and rarer.

 

[Rubbish King]

What's all this talk about being a permanent junior?

The paperwork has been submitted, unlucky chap

 

[noffles]

The paperwork has been submitted, unlucky chap

I was only 9 days from immunity too.

 

[SKINNER!]

If you pay by direct debit don't you pay over ten months not twelve?

Oh really? Wasn't aware of that. Sweet! Tried calling them but the lines are closed.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

I was only 9 days from immunity too.

Immunity? Clearly you've never heard of blame space.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

Oh really? Wasn't aware of that. Sweet! Tried calling them but the lines are closed.

Don't take my word for it though, have you got any paperwork that you can check?

 

[runlikehell]

You all know that April Fool's jokes aren't supposed to be told after midday?

Edit: in before no fun allowed.

 

[Rubbish King]

You all know that April Fool's jokes aren't supposed to be told after midday?

Edit: in before no fun allowed.

I do


Noffles doesnt.

 

[noffles]

Immunity? Clearly you've never heard of blame space.

Isn't he the turtle fella?

 

[Musha_Soturi]

Ohhh you guys... My fucking head.

Cheers to Musha for rescuing me from the overexposure to drum and bass.
Needed some good music in my ear holes

Anytime dude, was a good night. You got back to your mate's ok then?

Hey guys you'll never believe it but my penis just exploded

This is going to make proposing to Musha awkward!!!1

Oh my god! I don't know what to say! This is all just so unexpected! I, well of course my answer is ye.........

Oh wait, I hate racists. So no.

 

[Jackben]

Too bad Noffles you were so close to being a member.

 

[noffles]

Too bad Noffles you were so close to being a member.

I'm confused.