Screaming_Gremlin
My QB is a Dick and my coach is a Nutt
An update on my horrible adventure through Marvel's Ultimate universe. I have completed Loeb's 3rd volume of the Ultimates, as well as Ultimatum. They were just as horrible as I was warned. Actually, even with that warning, I still had trouble believing how stupid those stories were.
Loeb seems to love having random shit happen with absolutely zero explanation about what is happening. Captain America goes through an entire issue dressed up as Black Panther and once he finally reveals himself, just says he doesn't have time to explain right now. But they never reference it again. Later when he is injured, he shows up Hel (or some place like that) and fights alongside Thor who is there trying to bring Valkyrie back to life. Thor asks him how he is there, Cap doesn't know, and they never mention it again.
Other random garbage, Magneto tell Mystique that he has huge plans for her once he wipes out humanity, but then never actually says what those plans are. Why the hell did the Blob eat Wasp? It had never even been hinted at that he was a cannibal. Just a fat guy who liked to eat... and pretend to be female on the internet. Also Carol Danvers went from wearing a military uniform in every scene, to being the only person in the Ultimate universe to wear a 616 SHIELD uniform. She apparently also took the time to get implants larger than her head.
Loeb's stupid excuse to turn Thor back into 616 Thor was eye-rolling. Now that they actually know for sure that he is a god, he apparently has no reason to hide his speech (thou and thee). Only made worse by the fact that they decided to start drawing Mjolnir in the 616 style.
Why was Valkyrie even in this book? She had been established as nothing more than a superhero groupie during earlier Ultimate's books. Then all of a sudden she has powers and they don't even bother to explain it. To make it worse, she is a worthless character whose sole purpose is to give Loeb something to jerk off to. I am fairly certain her only lines through the whole book was about how hot Thor is and how much she wants to have more sex with him.
The final fight with Magneto was terrible. It's a good thing they fought him in a room with 360 degrees worth of windows, as each hero gets a chance to break through that glass with a shitty one liner before getting beat up. Wolverine dies from stuff that shouldn't have killed him (although I guess that explains most characters who died). Magneto apparently decides he had it all wrong after finding out humans created mutants (not sure why he would really care, since they are still more "evolved". And we find out Wanda and Pietro apparently even more into mutant superiority than Magneto, even though there hadn't been any clues about that before.
I realize Loeb had some really bad family issues going on with the death of his kid at the time, but how the hell did no Marvel editor at any point step in and try to course correct what was going on? Or did everyone just relapse into the worst parts of 90s "extreme' and just say to hell with it. Either way, I really have to congratulate him on killing an entire line of comics. I can't imagine what it would have been like had I actually got into comics due to the Ultimate line after the original X-men and Spider-man movies came out. It probably would have driven me from the medium.
I think the only positive thing that came from the entire event was that I really liked the Requiem issue where Jameson finally acknowledges that Spider-Man was a hero.
I have started up on Millar's Avenger series now, which is maximum Millar. I finally know where that terrible Red Skull throwing a baby out the window comic that gets posted here came from. The sad thing, I actually think I welcome it after reading Loeb's garbage. I know the whole Ultimate universe never recovered, but I am interested to see what Bendis, Ellis, and later Hickman manage anyway.
Loeb seems to love having random shit happen with absolutely zero explanation about what is happening. Captain America goes through an entire issue dressed up as Black Panther and once he finally reveals himself, just says he doesn't have time to explain right now. But they never reference it again. Later when he is injured, he shows up Hel (or some place like that) and fights alongside Thor who is there trying to bring Valkyrie back to life. Thor asks him how he is there, Cap doesn't know, and they never mention it again.
Other random garbage, Magneto tell Mystique that he has huge plans for her once he wipes out humanity, but then never actually says what those plans are. Why the hell did the Blob eat Wasp? It had never even been hinted at that he was a cannibal. Just a fat guy who liked to eat... and pretend to be female on the internet. Also Carol Danvers went from wearing a military uniform in every scene, to being the only person in the Ultimate universe to wear a 616 SHIELD uniform. She apparently also took the time to get implants larger than her head.
Loeb's stupid excuse to turn Thor back into 616 Thor was eye-rolling. Now that they actually know for sure that he is a god, he apparently has no reason to hide his speech (thou and thee). Only made worse by the fact that they decided to start drawing Mjolnir in the 616 style.
Why was Valkyrie even in this book? She had been established as nothing more than a superhero groupie during earlier Ultimate's books. Then all of a sudden she has powers and they don't even bother to explain it. To make it worse, she is a worthless character whose sole purpose is to give Loeb something to jerk off to. I am fairly certain her only lines through the whole book was about how hot Thor is and how much she wants to have more sex with him.
The final fight with Magneto was terrible. It's a good thing they fought him in a room with 360 degrees worth of windows, as each hero gets a chance to break through that glass with a shitty one liner before getting beat up. Wolverine dies from stuff that shouldn't have killed him (although I guess that explains most characters who died). Magneto apparently decides he had it all wrong after finding out humans created mutants (not sure why he would really care, since they are still more "evolved". And we find out Wanda and Pietro apparently even more into mutant superiority than Magneto, even though there hadn't been any clues about that before.
I realize Loeb had some really bad family issues going on with the death of his kid at the time, but how the hell did no Marvel editor at any point step in and try to course correct what was going on? Or did everyone just relapse into the worst parts of 90s "extreme' and just say to hell with it. Either way, I really have to congratulate him on killing an entire line of comics. I can't imagine what it would have been like had I actually got into comics due to the Ultimate line after the original X-men and Spider-man movies came out. It probably would have driven me from the medium.
I think the only positive thing that came from the entire event was that I really liked the Requiem issue where Jameson finally acknowledges that Spider-Man was a hero.
I have started up on Millar's Avenger series now, which is maximum Millar. I finally know where that terrible Red Skull throwing a baby out the window comic that gets posted here came from. The sad thing, I actually think I welcome it after reading Loeb's garbage. I know the whole Ultimate universe never recovered, but I am interested to see what Bendis, Ellis, and later Hickman manage anyway.
