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[ZackieChan]

You're demonstrating the point that a relationship/SO can't magically fix you. Are you seeing someone about these issues? They'll only cause trouble in your relationship going forward. Get some help, not for her, but for yourself!

Ditto with Spinluck above. There really isn't anything else we can say at this point. You need to seek professional help.

 

[Rich!]

Watching together is kind of odd.

Im chatting with an actress now and kind of just watching her webseries here and there. To sit and watch with her? #awkward

It's so I can laugh at her

Regardless, plans changed. Will have to do so tomorrow.

 

[Idde]

You're demonstrating the point that a relationship/SO can't magically fix you. Are you seeing someone about these issues? They'll only cause trouble in your relationship going forward. Get some help, not for her, but for yourself.

I managed to get to a point where I was perfectly fine by myself. I'm happily on my own and single. At least the negative moods and tiredness didn't affect somebody else. If I had a crappy day I'd just retreat back in my house. But you're right. This'll cause issues in this relationship or future ones. I also discussed this with her, and yeah, she supported my idea to contact a psychologist.

It just sucks. I worked through quite a bit of stuff to get dates/feel at ease around women, thought I had everything down, and now I have to work on how to be in a relationship...

 

[ZeronosVega]

I managed to get to a point where I was perfectly fine by myself. I'm happily on my own and single. At least the negative moods and tiredness didn't affect somebody else. If I had a crappy day I'd just retreat back in my house. But you're right. This'll cause issues in this relationship or future ones. I also discussed this with her, and yeah, she supported my idea to contact a psychologist.

It just sucks. I worked through quite a bit of stuff to get dates/feel at ease around women, thought I had everything down, and now I have to work on how to be in a relationship...

Having recently (read: a month ago) started receiving treatment for anxiety and depression, which always made me feel tired and in negative moods like you described, the best course of action is to definitely seek help. There's nothing wrong with it and I honestly wish I had seen someone about it years ago, as I knew back then that I was dealing with these issues. It has made a world of difference for me and I hope you're able to work through your issues.

 

[Kurtofan]

What do you tell yourself when you're too scared to talk to someone online (on skype)?

 

[Putosaure]

What do you tell yourself when you're too scared to talk to someone online (on skype)?

"If I don't do something, somebody else will."

That's I would think.

 

[gaiages]

What do you tell yourself when you're too scared to talk to someone online (on skype)?

The worst thing they could do is not respond.

 

[Llyranor]

What do you tell yourself when you're too scared to talk to someone online (on skype)?

Unless you end up with a restraining order or on the sex offender registry, there is nothing you can do that will result in a worse outcome than the situation you are currently in (nothing).

 

[Salamando]

Is it wrong to date a woman with 3 kids with the intention of never being their father figure? Even if she says she's ok with it? It it wrong to make her your girlfriend with the intention of never marrying her? I mean my feelings could change over time, but that's my mind set right now.

If she knows how you feel, and is okay with it, it's not wrong. Some single moms aren't looking for replacement fathers for their kids. If she's lying about being okay with it, that's on her (but if you know she's lying, you can save yourself some drama by dealing with it early).

It's what's in parentheses. I'll ponder this the entire time I'm in China, maybe, but the best analogy I can come up with is this. Ever see Sliders? I feel like everything is really nice but there's just something off that I can't explain, like the Cubs winning the World Series in 2016.

I gotcha. When you mentioned the disparity in how much you like each other, I wondered how much the Brazilian relationship might've fucked you up. You definitely liked her more than the inverse. Maybe you're projecting your displeasure in what you were like then (when you were ignoring bad signs and trying too hard) onto this girl?

Spoiler

God I hope that made sense.

Good luck trying to figure it out.

What do you tell yourself when you're too scared to talk to someone online (on skype)?

 

[Idde]

Having recently (read: a month ago) started receiving treatment for anxiety and depression, which always made me feel tired and in negative moods like you described, the best course of action is to definitely seek help. There's nothing wrong with it and I honestly wish I had seen someone about it years ago, as I knew back then that I was dealing with these issues. It has made a world of difference for me and I hope you're able to work through your issues.

This sounds pretty promising. Great to hear it's had such positive effects. Did it affect your lovelife as well? I don't have any real big problems like heavy anxiety or depression anymore, it's just that most of the time a low, general level of anxiety is just there. Taking up energy and sometimes rearing it's ugly head more explicitly. I have an appointment with my general pshysician this thursday. Curious to see what she says. But your post sounded really encouraging, it definitely helped to make the decision. Thanks.

 

[ZeronosVega]

This sounds pretty promising. Great to hear it's had such positive effects. Did it affect your lovelife as well? I don't have any real big problems like heavy anxiety or depression anymore, it's just that most of the time a low, general level of anxiety is just there. Taking up energy and sometimes rearing it's ugly head more explicitly. I have an appointment with my general pshysician this thursday. Curious to see what she says. But your post sounded really encouraging, it definitely helped to make the decision. Thanks.

I'm glad my words have helped you with your decision. This was the best message to wake up and read. Just be honest with your physician, because they cannot do anything unless they know what it is they're trying to treat.

As for my love life, well, there hasn't been much of that since late 2014 where I went on a few dates with a girl I had gone to college with who had moved to my hometown. Haven't really tried much since then. However, I think there would be improvements to dating. I already notice that I'm not getting anxious over simple events and I'm just calmer. Plus, and I didn't know this until recently, that me getting easily irritated (especially as of late and over the stupidest stuff) is a symptom of depression in males. I was put on medication and while I was hesitant at first, my family and I have noticed that I'm not getting upset like I was. So I do think that dealing with these issues will translate to making my dating life easier if I'm not freaking out over simple things.

 

[Jpop]

Met a really cute girl in Union Square today, she goes to an acting conservatory near there.

We chatted for a bit and I got her number before she left.

 

[Denzar]

Introverted girl saga continues.

She came over yesterday, we talked for about 2.5 hours. She understood most of what I told her. We ran out of time because she had to go and see her psychologist. Unfortunately, the conclusion of our conversation wasn't a positive one. She wouldn't want to hear the fact that it would be better if we didn't continue. Hard pressed for time, she left while saying "You will not hear from me anymore. It's up to you. I'll hear from you when you've made a decision". I tried to tell her (in a hurry) that it's a bad idea. It puts pressure on me and she'll live in uncertainty (which can't possibly be good). But she had to go before I could get through to her.

What to do now? Meet up again and tell her that I've made my conclusion? Breaking up is such bullshit.

 

[gaiages]

Introverted girl saga continues.

She came over yesterday, we talked for about 2.5 hours. She understood most of what I told her. We ran out of time because she had to go and see her psychologist. Unfortunately, the conclusion of our conversation wasn't a positive one. She wouldn't want to hear the fact that it would be better if we didn't continue. Hard pressed for time, she left while saying "You will not hear from me anymore. It's up to you. I'll hear from you when you've made a decision". I tried to tell her (in a hurry) that it's a bad idea. It puts pressure on me and she'll live in uncertainty (which can't possibly be good). But she had to go before I could get through to her.

What to do now? Meet up again and tell her that I've made my conclusion? Breaking up is such bullshit.

Either:
A. Send a brief text saying it's over, block, move on.
B. Don't send anything (sounds like you already said your piece), block, move on.

The blocking part is important, she sounds a little crazy tbh. No point in meeting up again, you already did that. If a two and a half conversation about breaking up didn't get through to her, nothing will.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Introverted girl saga continues.

She came over yesterday, we talked for about 2.5 hours. She understood most of what I told her. We ran out of time because she had to go and see her psychologist. Unfortunately, the conclusion of our conversation wasn't a positive one. She wouldn't want to hear the fact that it would be better if we didn't continue. Hard pressed for time, she left while saying "You will not hear from me anymore. It's up to you. I'll hear from you when you've made a decision". I tried to tell her (in a hurry) that it's a bad idea. It puts pressure on me and she'll live in uncertainty (which can't possibly be good). But she had to go before I could get through to her.

What to do now? Meet up again and tell her that I've made my conclusion? Breaking up is such bullshit.

When you break up with someone its not a discussion. You say "I'm breaking up with you because of X, Y, Z or whatever reason (keep it gentle not trying to add i sult to injury) then you leave. It should not take more than 30 minites. 2.5 hours is just ridiculous.

Just text her and tell her you are breaking up with her and will be going no contact from this text on. But jesus, from this point on if you want to break up with someone simply do it quickly. No ome is entitled to "closure" or a "full explanation" if you dont think they can handle it.

 

[gwailo]

A 2 1/2 hour discussion to break up with someone you've dated for a month is literally the plot of a Seinfeld episode. C'mon dude.

 

[Denzar]

When you break up with someone its not a discussion. You say "I'm breaking up with you because of X, Y, Z or whatever reason (keep it gentle not trying to add i sult to injury) then you leave. It should not take more than 30 minites. 2.5 hours is just ridiculous.

Just text her and tell her you are breaking up with her and will be going no contact from this text on. But jesus, from this point on if you want to break up with someone simply do it quickly. No ome is entitled to "closure" or a "full explanation" if you dont think they can handle it.

It wasn't a discussion, it was me explaining why. Over and over again. It's hard enough as it is (for me), so I would like for her to understand why. I'm just waaaay too kind and emphatic. Also, I disagree. I think people are entitled to closure.

A 2 1/2 hour discussion to break up with someone you've dated for a month is literally the plot of a Seinfeld episode. C'mon dude.

To you guys, breaking up seems like something frequent, or almost easy. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Haven't had many GF's and I've got a very emphatic personality. I'm seeing a therapist for this shit. I'm learning to set my boundaries, but the process is slow and grueling. I've already made loads of progress but I'm far from my goal it appears.

 

[Jhoan]

Here's my usual cross-posted from the Online-Dating post.

Proactive TL; DR: A reenactment of Ride To Hell: Retribution's hilariously god awful dry hump sex scenes in public, a Captain Oblivious moment, the revenge of blue balls, and the promise to redeem myself on date 3:

So date number 2 last night with stoner girl went pretty well again but the blue balls got their revenge. I relieved it by going to one my good friends' apartment to help him set up his table since he moved to my neighborhood yesterday. I definitely will be seeing her again contrary to my initial thoughts before the date. I feel bad for referring to her as a stoner since she's a really sweet girl so I'll refer to her as kinky Jewish girl going forward.

I feel like something starting to develop between us. I don't want to say girlfriend because that's not the right word I'm looking for but it's definitely a connection since I feel good around her. The second date is always the real first date since the first date is date 0.

Once again she was down for whatever and apologized to me for anything that she might have said while she was high and sick last week which I thought was very thoughtful. Things got a lot more touchy-feely on this date since I sat her on my lap which led to more teasing, kissing of the neck, full on straddling me like the hilariously awful dry hump scenes from Ride To Hell: Retribution, and running my hands along her body.

It got to the point where we were more or less dry humping each other in public complete with dry petting sans heavy make out sessions since she feels self-conscious about making out in public but with a few pecks on the lips. Everything short of tearing our clothes off and having sex which was implied yet again since she told me she was getting wet and once again hinted that we finish watching the first episode of The Getdown since I mentioned that I saw the first episode at the insistence of a friend.

I didn't seal the deal this date since because for some odd reason I didn't think to swipe in with her and get on approaching the train with her. However, she was hinting at future date ideas throughout the date and playfully asked if I was going to take her back to the hotel where I meet my boss at. For Date 3, I'm going to go all in and suggest meeting by her way for Netflix and chill since the sexual tension is off the charts at this point. If I don't hit a home run on the next date, then I'll come back here as GAF Man and retire from online dating for a while. I'm going to follow up with her today.

 

[gwailo]

It wasn't a discussion, it was me explaining why. Over and over again. It's hard enough as it is (for me), so I would like for her to understand why. I'm just waaaay too kind and emphatic. Also, I disagree. I think people are entitled to closure.



To you guys, breaking up seems like something frequent, or almost easy. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Haven't had many GF's and I've got a very emphatic personality. I'm seeing a therapist for this shit. I'm learning to set my boundaries, but the process is slow and grueling. I've already made loads of progress but I'm far from my goal it appears.

The first point I will say is that I wouldn't really consider this breaking up or a girlfriend. You've only been seeing her for about a month and you never seemed all that into her but you're acting like this is a years long relationship. This is the overinvestment we see a lot in this thread and that is why I and the others might come off as flippant to you. It's not healthy emotionally to go "all in" to someone you barely know and it's something we see time and time again.

I think you need to be more proactive in relationships as a whole. It's pretty obvious that this one was going nowhere fast, but you kept at it. There's a mindset that "oh maybe they'll change" but this is rarely the case. It's ok to end things after a couple of dates. It's actually more beneficial, as seen here since you weren't happy and only really giving this girl false hope or a sense that this was going to turn into something more serious.

TBH this is the sort of thing you should be speaking with your therapist about instead of asking strangers on an internet forum and then getting salty at the responses. And I would reckon they would also say that a 2 1/2 "break up" discussion with someone you've went out on a few dates with is pretty absurd.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Here's my usual cross-posted from the Online-Dating post.

Your next date should be more reminiscent of Hot Coffee.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

It wasn't a discussion, it was me explaining why. Over and over again. It's hard enough as it is (for me), so I would lik.for her to understand why. I'm just waaaay too kind and emphatic. Also, I disagree. I think people are entitled to closure.

2.5hrs of talking related to a break up is a discussion. It doesn't matter how you try to play it off. That's what it is. And the idea that people are entitled to closure is the exact reason why you are still here asking us for how to break up after your method didnt work so miss me with the attitude.

In case you dont know what I'm talking about

To you guys, breaking up seems like something frequent, or almost easy. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Haven't had many GF's and I've got a very emphatic personality. I'm seeing a therapist for this shit. I'm learning to set my boundaries, but the process is slow and grueling. I've already made loads of progress but I'm far from my goal it appears.

The bolded is attitude. No one here likes breaking up. No one is sitting here saying breaking up is easy and it doesn't suck or make you feel bad. It does but you arent the only emphatic person to ever exist. Don't hit us with this you're an angel and we just have no heart crap. (And yes that is what you are doing)

At some point "you" have to fucking be able to say enough is enough. This is your girlfriend of a month, you cant seriously expect us to walk you through this delicately. People in this thread all have had these issues before so we arent saying this bluntly because "hey fuck other people, gotta get mine always", we're saying it because it works.

/rant over

 

[gaiages]

It wasn't a discussion, it was me explaining why. Over and over again. It's hard enough as it is (for me), so I would like for her to understand why. I'm just waaaay too kind and emphatic. Also, I disagree. I think people are entitled to closure.



To you guys, breaking up seems like something frequent, or almost easy. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Haven't had many GF's and I've got a very emphatic personality. I'm seeing a therapist for this shit. I'm learning to set my boundaries, but the process is slow and grueling. I've already made loads of progress but I'm far from my goal it appears.

You think none of us have ever had a hard breakup, or felt bad about something? Come the hell on. At this point you're just dragging shit along, and making it worse for all parties involved. Break ups suck (though I mean it's only a month, so that's barely a relationship in the first place), you just have to rip the band aid and go through with it.

But don't just assume that we all have it so much easier than you. Saying "woe is me you all don't understand" is the worst thing you can do to yourself, because you're cutting yourself off from being able to grow and change, or at least see another perspective.

I'm probably overreacting a bit but man that's one of my biggest pet peeves, sorry Denzar.

2.5hrs of talking related to a break up is a discussion. It doesn't matter how you try to play it off. That's what it is. And the idea that people are entitled to closure is the exact reason why you are still here asking us for how to break up after your method didnt work so miss me with the attitude.

In case you dont know what I'm talking about



The bolded is attitude. No one here likes breaking up. No one is sitting here saying breaking up is easy and it doesn't suck or make you feel bad. It does but you arent the only emphatic person to ever exist. Don't hit us with this you're an angel and we just have no heart crap. (And yes that is what you are doing)

At some point "you" have to fucking be able to say enough is enough. This is your girlfriend of a month, you cant seriously expect us to walk you through this delicately. People in this thread all have had these issues before so we arent saying this bluntly because "hey fuck other people, gotta get mine always", we're saying it because it works.

/rant over

❤❤

 

[Jhoan]

Your next date should be more reminiscent of Hot Coffee.

Okay that got a good laugh out of me. Hot Coffee and chill sounds like a great date idea so I'll make a note of it. Although I would replace coffee with tea since I'm not a fan of coffee at all.

 

[Denzar]

The first point I will say is that I wouldn't really consider this breaking up or a girlfriend. You've only been seeing her for about a month and you never seemed all that into her but you're acting like this is a years long relationship. This is the overinvestment we see a lot in this thread and that is why I and the others might come off as flippant to you. It's not healthy emotionally to go "all in" to someone you barely know and it's something we see time and time again.

I think you need to be more proactive in relationships as a whole. It's pretty obvious that this one was going nowhere fast, but you kept at it. There's a mindset that "oh maybe they'll change" but this is rarely the case. It's ok to end things after a couple of dates. It's actually more beneficial, as seen here since you weren't happy and only really giving this girl false hope or a sense that this was going to turn into something more serious.

TBH this is the sort of thing you should be speaking with your therapist about instead of asking strangers on an internet forum and then getting salty at the responses. And I would reckon they would also say that a 2 1/2 "break up" discussion with someone you've went out on a few dates with is pretty absurd.

Talked to my therapist about this. Tons actually. No conclusive answers there, unfortunately. Which makes me question my therapist, but that's a different story. I'm seeing her again next monday.

It only went downhill the last week. I had the idea that I was keeping my distance and not going all in actually. But hey, got to keep working on that too I guess. Appears it was not the case. The way she acts also didn't really make it that easy to not "overinvest". I did my best, but failed again. Only not as hard as the last time.

2.5hrs of talking related to a break up is a discussion. It doesn't matter how you try to play it off. That's what it is. And the idea that people are entitled to closure is the exact reason why you are still here asking us for how to break up after your method didnt work so miss me with the attitude.

In case you dont know what I'm talking about



The bolded is attitude. No one here likes breaking up. No one is sitting here saying breaking up is easy and it doesn't suck or make you feel bad. It does but you arent the only emphatic person to ever exist. Don't hit us with this you're an angel and we just have no heart crap. (And yes that is what you are doing)

At some point "you" have to fucking be able to say enough is enough. This is your girlfriend of a month, you cant seriously expect us to walk you through this delicately. People in this thread all have had these issues before so we arent saying this bluntly because "hey fuck other people, gotta get mine always", we're saying it because it works.

/rant over

You think none of us have ever had a hard breakup, or felt bad about something? Come the hell on. At this point you're just dragging shit along, and making it worse for all parties involved. Break ups suck (though I mean it's only a month, so that's barely a relationship in the first place), you just have to rip the band aid and go through with it.

But don't just assume that we all have it so much easier than you. Saying "woe is me you all don't understand" is the worst thing you can do to yourself, because you're cutting yourself off from being able to grow and change, or at least see another perspective.

I'm probably overreacting a bit but man that's one of my biggest pet peeves, sorry Denzar.



❤❤

Didn't mean to come of with a 'tude or condescending, my bad. I've got a loooong history of setting my own self interest aside for someone else. It's the way I was raised (or not raised, depends on how you look at things). So, the advice you dudes gave me, to someone with my background, seems really, really harsh. You can call me a pussy, but it doesn't matter. I'm just learning to be more in control, to set my boundaries. To say, enough is enough. I'm not saying you dudes are heartless, that wasn't what I wanted to achieve. It just seems clear what you guys would do, while In my head, I'm going back and forth time and time again. Am I not the one who's wrong? Poor girl, etc... Basically, shit like breakups tear me apart to the point where I doubt every fiber of my existence.

Basically, it doesn't fucking matter. I'll end it, I've had enough of feeling like a piece of overthinking shit because I'm writing myself off for someone else's happiness once again. Lesson learned. Again.

It's alright dudes. Appreciate every word, I just wish it didn't come across as if I was trying to tell you guys that you are a bunch of heartless twats. Love XOXO

 

[Spinluck]

Well, I got a message from a girl I went on a date with about 3-4 years on OKCupid. The timing for this is sort of crazy, and I'm not sure if I'm in the right state of mind to see anyone because I don't want to use anyone as a rebound.

Anyway, I told her that I can take her out Friday and that I'll even pick her up. It's clear that she's into in me, but I'm not sure how much I like her. She's nice, but idk... I guess I can see how things go on the date before getting cold feet.

 

[Llyranor]

Didn't mean to come of with a 'tude or condescending, my bad. I've got a loooong history of setting my own self interest aside for someone else. It's the way I was raised (or not raised, depends on how you look at things). So, the advice you dudes gave me, to someone with my background, seems really, really harsh. You can call me a pussy, but it doesn't matter. I'm just learning to be more in control, to set my boundaries. To say, enough is enough. I'm not saying you dudes are heartless, that wasn't what I wanted to achieve. It just seems clear what you guys would do, while In my head, I'm going back and forth time and time again. Am I not the one who's wrong? Poor girl, etc... Basically, shit like breakups tear me apart to the point where I doubt every fiber of my existence.

Basically, it doesn't fucking matter. I'll end it, I've had enough of feeling like a piece of overthinking shit because I'm writing myself off for someone else's happiness once again. Lesson learned. Again.

It's alright dudes. Appreciate every word, I just wish it didn't come across as if I was trying to tell you guys that you are a bunch of heartless twats. Love XOXO

There is no easy way to break up with someone who doesn't want to be dumped. The method is ultimately not that important, it is the being dumped that will hurt them.

So if you are adamant on ending it, just DO IT. Do you think you are doing her or her feelings a kind favor by wasting 2.5 hrs of her time and giving her false hope that maybe she convinced you not to break up? If the break-up talk doesn't end up with a break-up, it is false hope. Plain and simple. Your heart is in the right place, but there is no way to let her down easy. So do it as quickly as possible so that she can actually move on.

 

[Denzar]

There is no easy way to break up with someone who doesn't want to be dumped. The method is ultimately not that important, it is the being dumped that will hurt them.

So if you are adamant on ending it, just DO IT. Do you think you are doing her or her feelings a kind favor by wasting 2.5 hrs of her time and giving her false hope that maybe she convinced you not to break up? If the break-up talk doesn't end up with a break-up, it is false hope. Plain and simple. Your heart is in the right place, but there is no way to let her down easy. So do it as quickly as possible so that she can actually move on.

I know that. I do. But she kept talking into me, I guess. And by the time I was totally fed up (see above) she ran off. Now I'm forced to text it to her.

 

[Megalosaro]

What's the reccomendation on pregame limits when meeting a girl on a double date? In order to loosen up?

 

[gaiages]

What's the reccomendation on pregame limits when meeting a girl on a double date? In order to loosen up?

Only you know your tolerances, but just being buzzed and not tipsy/drunk is probably best. But really only do it if you absolutely need it, far too easy to mess it up imo

 

[ZackieChan]

I never drink before a date. If a date showed up smelling of alcohol, I'd peace right out. Loosen up by going on more dates and getting more comfortable with it.

 

[ameratsu]

What's the reccomendation on pregame limits when meeting a girl on a double date? In order to loosen up?

I once had a date immediately after attending a going away party for my boss. Do not recommend, I agree with gaiages that it's far too easy to mess up.

I went on a tirade against bronies at one point and I don't even remember why.

 

[urge26]

What's the reccomendation on pregame limits when meeting a girl on a double date? In order to loosen up?

If you need it setup a date for drinks, get there about 15 minutes early and don't go past half a pint. I had a date show up about 90 minutes late and was 3-4 pints deep and needless to say it was a trainwreck (both me being nicely toasted and her being able to show up on time). I think after that I made the decision not to have drinks to calm my nerves.

 

[Denzar]

Broke it off with introverted girl yesterday (finally). She was pissed. Damn. Feel like the weight of the world fell off my shoulders.

Thanks for the harsh but helpful words, GAF!

 

[Lulubop]

I usually get a good buzz going before a date, most to save money. NYC is expensive fam

 

[urge26]

I usually get a good buzz going before a date, most to save money. NYC is expensive fam

I can't imagine how much it costs to date in NYC.... yikes.

 

[gaiages]

Broke it off with introverted girl yesterday (finally). She was pissed. Damn. Feel like the weight of the world fell off my shoulders.

Thanks for the harsh but helpful words, GAF!

Yay!

 

[GK86]

I can't imagine how much it costs to date in NYC.... yikes.

Not much if you are smart.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

I had my second date last night with the girl I used to work with. It was really fun. We saw Just Breathe, which I probably wouldn't have done if I looked up the movie beforehand lol. She enjoyed it though and wants to see me again, so its all good.

 

[Jotthah]

I have a date tommorrow! i just want to share my excitement and worries with someone.

I'm coming out of a 4 year relationship which ended right as i was going to propose....first date after 4 month of being on my own and i am really happy for myself.

Soo gaf what worries me is...i know my date because she knows a friend of mine. Im 28 and shes 30. Thats not a problem for me im just afraid of not being adequate for her..
We are texting on and off because of work schedules. Im working late and night and shes on the early shift constantly so texting never gets going

I dont really know what im expecting. Im just nervous as all hell.

 

[Mahonay]

I have a date tommorrow! i just want to share my excitement and worries with someone.

I'm coming out of a 4 year relationship which ended right as i was going to propose....first date after 4 month of being on my own and i am really happy for myself.

Soo gaf what worries me is...i know my date because she knows a friend of mine. Im 28 and shes 30. Thats not a problem for me im just afraid of not being adequate for her..
We are texting on and off because of work schedules. Im working late and night and shes on the early shift constantly so texting never gets going

I dont really know what im expecting. Im just nervous as all hell.

2 years is literally nothing. Don't worry, you'll be good dude. Just go in relaxed and have a good time.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I can't imagine how much it costs to date in NYC.... yikes.

I've been to NYC. Small coffees are $2, just like everywhere else.

 

[Mahonay]

I've been to NYC. Small coffees are $2, just like everywhere else.

As someone who lives here, there are definitely a lot of places where it's $3-$4 for a small coffee around the city. But finding a $2 coffee isn't that hard either. Just depends where you go. Prices vary a lot in NYC.

I can't imagine how much it costs to date in NYC.... yikes.

Not expensive if you don't act like an idiot and try to be a big shot to impress. Did it once with one girl and never again.

 

[Jotthah]

2 years is literally nothing. Don't worry, you'll be good dude. Just go in relaxed and have a good time.

Thank you maho.
We're going to grab a couple of drinks. Probably just grab some to go and enjoy them on the riverbed. I do have backup plans ready (a dinner and a flea market after dark) but simple seems right right now.

Sorry for phrasing im not a native english speaker

 

[gwailo]

Simple and cheap is good. You can always do more if you're getting along, but there's no reason to blow a bunch of money on someone you don't know and may find out within the first few minutes that the date isn't going to go anywhere.

 

[Mahonay]

Simple and cheap is good. You can always do more if you're getting along, but there's no reason to blow a bunch of money on someone you don't know and may find out within the first few minutes that the date isn't going to go anywhere.

The last time I blew a ton of money on taking a girl out places it did go places for about a month and I still regret it greatly.

 

[ZackieChan]

I spent $160 on a first date dinner with a girl I had been chatting with for a few weeks. Huge mistake. Never again. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard lessons.

 

[gwailo]

I had someone say to me during the date that she wasn't 100% interested in me but she came out because she could at least get a meal out of it. I had the waiter split the check and never had a dinner for a first date ever again. Especially if you're doing online dating where it's a numbers game, it's silly to spend a ton of money on first dates. If it disappoints someone, they're probably not the type of person you want to go out with anyway.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yep. That's why I always grab coffee these days. If there's any attraction or chemistry, I ask if they want to grab lunch or something. If we are touchy feely, I ask if they want to go see a movie or sing karaoke.

 

[SeanC]

Yeah, I always limit a first get together to just coffee or maybe drinks (and usually split the bill unless I'm really, really digging her). Follow up dinner, if it goes to that, maybe a small restaurant at most.

Speaking of, the girl I was (am?) chatting with that flaked on our coffee last week hasn't really put forth an initiative to follow up. She was very apologetic and all and we texted here and there but it's been pretty quiet since Sunday (she does have time to go online and update her dating profile apparently, though, because I get notifications when a Fav adds a pic or changes something).

I'll text her one last time tonight and mention giving it another go to meet up, but that'll be it. It's do or die at that point.

 

[Spinluck]

So I found out I work at 6am tomorrow and asked her if she's cool if I reschedule the date, she seemed pretty cool about it. I can't stand flaking so I wanted to make sure she knew I wasn't ditching her or anything. Still not sure how I feel about this date, last time we went out I left with a serious case of blue balls and we never really got around to a second date.

Ah well. Hoping for a good time at least.