Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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I wasn't saying the back-to-back ones counted. At any rate, your options are to wait or to move on. Unless you have strong feelings for the girl, the latter is probably a better option.

Wait, how many dates have you been on with her, if you don't mind me asking?
 
JokerOfSpades said:
I wasn't saying the back-to-back ones counted. At any rate, your options are to wait or to move on. Unless you have strong feelings for the girl, the latter is probably a better option.

Wait, how many dates have you been on with her, if you don't mind me asking?
Click to expand...

3 that were just us. 2 that were with some other people. 2 or 3 things that were larger groups.

Any way, she responded to me.
Turns out it's not 'people'. It's one other guy that I've met once before but I was under the impression that she had stopped seeing him.

And back story, she broke up with a boyfriend of 6 years last year, and another guy that she was pretty into about 2 months ago. So she's saying that she's just gotten over these tough breakups and she's not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet.

And, I would say that I do have pretty strong feelings for her. She's a real sweet girl, and I've felt much differently about her than previous girlfriends. It's very easy for me to just be myself around her and have silly fun conversations etc.
This is probably because I've been very close friends with her for quite a while.
 
Wormdundee said:
3 that were just us. 2 that were with some other people. 2 or 3 things that were larger groups.

Any way, she responded to me.
Turns out it's not 'people'. It's one other guy that I've met once before but I was under the impression that she had stopped seeing him.

And back story, she broke up with a boyfriend of 6 years last year, and another guy that she was pretty into about 2 months ago. So she's saying that she's just gotten over these tough breakups and she's not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet.

And, I would say that I do have pretty strong feelings for her. She's a real sweet girl, and I've felt much differently about her than previous girlfriends. It's very easy for me to just be myself around her and have silly fun conversations etc.
This is probably because I've been very close friends with her for quite a while.
Click to expand...

Oh. Well, in that case...

I'm going to say stick with it if you want to. If it were her I were giving advice to, on the other hand, I would tell her that she'd have to make up her mind soon, or she'll be left with neither. If you aren't ready to be exclusive, don't start dating. Because eventually people will expect some sort of commitment, and whether they think it's them or whether they think it's her, they're going to be confused as to why it hasn't gone anywhere. And if you want to be in a relationship, sometimes you have to roll with the punches. If you let them dizzy you every time, you'll only be knocked back down that much faster, until you give up.
 
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
 
Wormdundee said:
3 that were just us. 2 that were with some other people. 2 or 3 things that were larger groups.

Any way, she responded to me.
Turns out it's not 'people'. It's one other guy that I've met once before but I was under the impression that she had stopped seeing him.

And back story, she broke up with a boyfriend of 6 years last year, and another guy that she was pretty into about 2 months ago. So she's saying that she's just gotten over these tough breakups and she's not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet.

And, I would say that I do have pretty strong feelings for her. She's a real sweet girl, and I've felt much differently about her than previous girlfriends. It's very easy for me to just be myself around her and have silly fun conversations etc.
This is probably because I've been very close friends with her for quite a while.
Click to expand...

Sounds complicated, not worth it.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

lol I got nothing. This made my night.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

Damn. I... damn. Hm.


Damn.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.
Click to expand...
Yes, for situations like that I would have personally asked her to introduce herself, maybe complimented on the dress or something. Nothing wrong with getting to know the person(s) you're around.

Even so, that stuff happens around transpersons sometimes (usually around cis people), and they do take it badly (getting it wrong is like slapping them in the face, so to speak), but I dunno, I feel like someone should have said something and allowed there to be an apology. One of my friends would have understood if it was them...
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

Haha that's the best, total checkmate; but honestly, I think you messed up, be they were both uptight about it. They should have told you why they got angry, and allowed you to apologize.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

I couldn't even laugh at this. Wow. Damn.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

You dodged a bullet. Sounds Sheila is no fun.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...
Lol.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

I could actually see myself easily making this mistake. Hell, when it comes to my closest friends, I sometime forget their names, so I couldn't imagine trying to remember not to use the incorrect pronoun.
 
Wormdundee said:
3 that were just us. 2 that were with some other people. 2 or 3 things that were larger groups.

Any way, she responded to me.
Turns out it's not 'people'. It's one other guy that I've met once before but I was under the impression that she had stopped seeing him.

And back story, she broke up with a boyfriend of 6 years last year, and another guy that she was pretty into about 2 months ago. So she's saying that she's just gotten over these tough breakups and she's not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet.

And, I would say that I do have pretty strong feelings for her. She's a real sweet girl, and I've felt much differently about her than previous girlfriends. It's very easy for me to just be myself around her and have silly fun conversations etc.
This is probably because I've been very close friends with her for quite a while.
Click to expand...

After 3 weeks you'd sorta expect to have "the talk" about exclusivity. I certainly wouldn't just assume you're exclusive after that amount of time. Question for you though - are you sleeping together? For me that's sorta the defining line. I don't want to sleep with a girl I'm dating who's going out with other guys. No thanks. Bottom line - you need to decide if you're OK with not dating exclusively, or she needs to decide that she likes you enough to stop dating other people and see where it goes. As Joker mentions, if she really does see a future with you (even if it's just a few more dates) she wouldn't WANT to see other people. It sounds like she's taking it casual and you're not - being on different pages about this may be the death of this relationship. One of you is going to need to change your opinion about it.

jaxword said:
snip
Click to expand...

Honest mistake. It happens. You put your foot in your mouth, happens to me all the time. If she (and her friend) isn't willing to put it aside as an honest mistake then she really isn't someone you want to be hanging around with. It's not like you told some disparaging joke about transgenders or said something really mean about them. Seriously - she needs to get over herself (both of them).

If you really like this girl then call her up and apologize. Tell her it was an honest mistake. Then apologize to the friend next time you see her. That's all you're really on the hook for in this case.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...
you dont want to be trapped in a relationship with somebody like that. she did you a favor.
 
RedNalgene said:
After 3 weeks you'd sorta expect to have "the talk" about exclusivity. I certainly wouldn't just assume you're exclusive after that amount of time. Question for you though - are you sleeping together? For me that's sorta the defining line. I don't want to sleep with a girl I'm dating who's going out with other guys. No thanks. Bottom line - you need to decide if you're OK with not dating exclusively, or she needs to decide that she likes you enough to stop dating other people and see where it goes. As Joker mentions, if she really does see a future with you (even if it's just a few more dates) she wouldn't WANT to see other people. It sounds like she's taking it casual and you're not - being on different pages about this may be the death of this relationship. One of you is going to need to change your opinion about it.
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If they have been dating for 3 weeks and he thought it was starting to get serious i'm pretty sure they are probably having sex.
 
So I was hanging out with my friend again last night and I set up her Xbox Live and we just chilled out at her place for awhile before heading out to the comic shop again then we went back to my place and played some fighting games and watched a few shows before I drove her back to her place.

She said we should make this a regular thing so I am assuming that is pretty much the a ok to ask her out?
 
^ Perhaps. She might just be really comfortable hanging out with you, but go ahead and ask if you want to. If that's where your head is, do it.
 
wwm0nkey said:
So I was hanging out with my friend again last night and I set up her Xbox Live and we just chilled out at her place for awhile before heading out to the comic shop again then we went back to my place and played some fighting games and watched a few shows before I drove her back to her place.

She said we should make this a regular thing so I am assuming that is pretty much the a ok to ask her out?
Click to expand...

Or she is your friend (as you wrote) and she wants to play Xbox with you more often. Maybe test the waters a bit more, in case she's absolutely not on your track.
 
JokerOfSpades said:
Well, you should be going with friends, natch.

Then, be sure to play the area - don't try to talk too much if it's too loud, for example. Don't buy anyone drinks as an attempt to get laid. Make your move very quickly. You wait, and chances are some other guy will come up to her first. Even if she doesn't like them, some guys will talk to her forever and your chance will be ruined. Finally, have fun!

EDIT: What Devo said. I never seem to follow that advice myself because I'm more confident when drunk, but the ups come with the downs. If you want a real conversation, do not get hammered. Because unless you're really lucky (God do I know people like that - my friend blacked out and had sex), it won't work out.
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So you just walk up to a cute girl and strike up a conversation? What do you say to start the convo?
 
stn said:
^ Perhaps. She might just be really comfortable hanging out with you, but go ahead and ask if you want to. If that's where your head is, do it.
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Well next weekend or the weekend after she is staying over for three days so I will probably ask then.
 
Anticitizen One said:
So you just walk up to a cute girl and strike up a conversation? What do you say to start the convo?
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Hi, what's going on? Having a good time? Been drinking all night? What's happening for the rest of the evening/weekend? What have you been up to during the past week? What are you drinking there? There are so many escapism questions you can ask.
 
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:

And my mentality remains the same. If she really wanted to work things out, then why wait months to re-contact me. In addition to still spending time with the person (an old friend of mine) that you betrayed me with post break-up.

Sorry for venting, GAF. Shit is just dumb and confusing. I feel as though the real reason she wants to talk is just to keep tabs on my personal life. Having it both ways with the dude I know she's still hanging around.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:
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You're doing fine, don't respond to her texts/calls and just forget about her.
 
Wormdundee said:
For reals guys. I need advice on that conversation. I don't know what to do.
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the girl did nothing wrong and you need to not text her. its pretty needy to call somebody out for this when you are not even officially exclusive. The only exception is if you 2 agreed to not to see anybody else while you two get to know each other.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:
Click to expand...

Jeez that must be annoying. Don't say anything.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:
Click to expand...


Just talk to her jesus. :/
 
Cubsfan23 said:
the girl did nothing wrong and you need to not text her. its pretty needy to call somebody out for this when you are not even officially exclusive. The only exception is if you 2 agreed to not to see anybody else while you two get to know each other.
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Doesn't matter, we're fine now. Discussion needed to be had in some form any way, albeit this was certainly not the best form. She still wants to see me, we're on the same page here, and I'll stick with it for now.
I don't think it's relevant but there isn't really a 'get to know each other' phase. We've known each other for years already.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:

Whitney_Text.jpg

Whitney_Text_2.jpg


And my mentality remains the same. If she really wanted to work things out, then why wait months to re-contact me. In addition to still spending time with the person (an old friend of mine) that you betrayed me with post break-up.

Sorry for venting, GAF. Shit is just dumb and confusing. I feel as though the real reason she wants to talk is just to keep tabs on my personal life. Having it both ways with the dude I know she's still hanging around.
Click to expand...

My limited experience has taught me to never try to rationalize anyones behavior, especially a women's. If you're in a happy place now, don't even bother. You already walked that road before. Ultimately, its your decision though.
 
JokerOfSpades said:
What Minamu said. Also, you can make statements as well! Guess what they're drinking, guess where they're from... etc.
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I guessed what a girl did for work recently. She was the better looking half of a pair of blonde twins and I was like "so what do you do for a living? Driving factory trucks?" and she laughed so hard. But no, she was flipping burgers with her sister at *local burger joint*. Defences dropped for good, and I saw her again this Friday and got a big hug before I had to leave again.

Edit: I haven't been able to find the time to form an OT4 this weekend but tomorrow maybe. I've been writing a school report for about 9 hours straight now and it's almost 6am now. Time for sleep :)
 
DONT TALK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!! Block her number and delete those texts and that picture. Fuck that. Giving it time means you're giving her time and chances are she is not worth it anymore. If she really wanted to work things out, she wouldn't be playing games. You're ending the games by not playing.
 
Flaboere said:
Haha that's the best, total checkmate; but honestly, I think you messed up, be they were both uptight about it. They should have told you why they got angry, and allowed you to apologize.
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Yeah, I guess I just don't know the proper lingo for the transsexual culture yet.


Perspicacity said:
I doubt it was just the once with the pronouns.
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I think the issue was that he was actually a male to female transgender, not a transvestite.



DominoKid said:
damn...

like...

damn.

ah well what can you do. everyone has their hot button. sounds like an honest mistake though.
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I want this as my epitaph:
MTTI7.png
 
jaxword said:
I think the issue was that he was actually a male to female transgender, not a transvestite
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Err, yes it sounds like she is trans-female yet you're still getting it wrong despite now knowing the difference. To be honest if you had just owned up to the mistake and apologized to the girls you could have mended this, but it seems like you don't really give a fuck so better luck in the future I suppose.
 
Gaf, I used to be with this girl around two years ago, but it didn't work out. She said we should still be friends, and at first I was cool with it, but after 3 months I distanced myself and decided it would be better to just stop with all of that shit and forget about the whole thing. Still had feelings for her for a while but managed to get over the whole thing. I seen her sometimes after that (somewhat mutual group of friends) but we never conversed much...got along fine though. A couple of nights ago I had a dream about her. Nothing sexual...we were just chillin out. Had these dreams about 3 nights in a row. And now, after a year and a half of being over her, I now miss her. Like...wtf. I'm starting to think if it woulf of been better to just stay friends with her. She has a boyfriend now too, so I'm not going to call her, but I doubt that would be the best thing to do even if she was single. I'm not really asking anything here, and sorry for the wall of text, but I just wanted to share this...horrible feeling.
 
Perspicacity said:
Err, yes it sounds like she is trans-female yet you're still getting it wrong despite now knowing the difference. To be honest if you had just owned up to the mistake and apologized to the girls you could have mended this, but it seems like you don't really give a fuck so better luck in the future I suppose.
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I know NOW, I was "educated" on the proper terminology for conversation literally via text last night. It's not really giving a fuck or not, it's that this is really a whole new world for me to learn, all these terms and re-learning what's right and not right.

I don't claim to be a genius, able to instantly learn a new language within 24 hours.
 
wbsmcs said:
Gaf, I used to be with this girl around two years ago, but it didn't work out. She said we should still be friends, and at first I was cool with it, but after 3 months I distanced myself and decided it would be better to just stop with all of that shit and forget about the whole thing. Still had feelings for her for a while but managed to get over the whole thing. I seen her sometimes after that (somewhat mutual group of friends) but we never conversed much...got along fine though. A couple of nights ago I had a dream about her. Nothing sexual...we were just chillin out. Had these dreams about 3 nights in a row. And now, after a year and a half of being over her, I now miss her. Like...wtf. I'm starting to think if it woulf of been better to just stay friends with her. She has a boyfriend now too, so I'm not going to call her, but I doubt that would be the best thing to do even if she was single. I'm not really asking anything here, and sorry for the wall of text, but I just wanted to share this...horrible feeling.
Click to expand...

It's been around 8 months when something similar happened with me to a girl I was friends with (although we had only dated a few times and never went past kissing) My experience with girls is really limited but I think it's best to move on and try to be strong enough to stay positive. As for whether or not it would've been better to stay friends, who knows. There's a lot of factors in life. If you were friends and had feelings for her, then making those feelings known seems like it was the best thing you could've done rather than drag out something unnatural where seeing her hook up with a guy while you were friends would've really stung. So I don't think you should regret not going the friend route.

When you meet a great gal again or really immerse yourself in a task those feelings should subside. Videogames have helped me pass the time, along with working out, wasting time on the internet, and working towards getting into a proper 4-year university where I know there will be more opportunities with girls than my current situation. Like any depression, the triggers (in your case, a girl) can resurface every now and again (even a year and a half later). You just gotta keep your mind occupied. And I'm sorry, I know this is all tried and generic advice but I honestly went from really sad to optimistic about life with it.

You could message her, but even if she does answer back positively, why not start fresh with another great girl out there. No emotional or historic pretenses.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:

Whitney_Text.jpg

Whitney_Text_2.jpg


And my mentality remains the same. If she really wanted to work things out, then why wait months to re-contact me. In addition to still spending time with the person (an old friend of mine) that you betrayed me with post break-up.

Sorry for venting, GAF. Shit is just dumb and confusing. I feel as though the real reason she wants to talk is just to keep tabs on my personal life. Having it both ways with the dude I know she's still hanging around.
Click to expand...

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=39989333&postcount=12954

The problem sounds familiar. I looked back at the situation you posted about and dude...f this girl. You are doing the right thing. Do not communicate with her. I mean, she cheated on you with your friend right? To hell with her.
 
Not a dating question but a general getting-out-and-being-social question, since I know I need work in that area. A former co-worker invited me to come see her boyfriend's band play at a local bar. We aren't close friends but we had talked several times when we worked together, and when she left a few weeks ago she told me she wanted to hang out sometime. I've never been to an event like this and she'll be the only person I know there. I just have the general worries about going to an unfamiliar place (a bar), surrounded by people I don't know (probably drinking, which I don't). I'm worried I'll seem like the odd man out among her circle of friends who all know each other. But I'm telling myself it'll be good to go and do something new and meet new people. Anything I should keep in mind or try to do to make it a not-bad time?
 
faceless007 said:
Not a dating question but a general getting-out-and-being-social question, since I know I need work in that area. A former co-worker invited me to come see her boyfriend's band play at a local bar. We aren't close friends but we had talked several times when we worked together, and when she left a few weeks ago she told me she wanted to hang out sometime. I've never been to an event like this and she'll be the only person I know there. I just have the general worries about going to an unfamiliar place (a bar), surrounded by people I don't know (probably drinking, which I don't). I'm worried I'll seem like the odd man out among her circle of friends who all know each other. But I'm telling myself it'll be good to go and do something new and meet new people. Anything I should keep in mind or try to do to make it a not-bad time?
Click to expand...
Go expecting the absolute worst scenarios, if you have the time, lie in bed at night and try to imagine said scenarios into a mind film.

Do this a few times, and you'll be excellent for whatever you get at the local bar, also it sounds kinda like she's going to use you to make her rockstr bf jealous. So maybe don't drink, just pretend you're at a science experiment.

Also using paragraphs.
 
faceless007 said:
Not a dating question but a general getting-out-and-being-social question, since I know I need work in that area. A former co-worker invited me to come see her boyfriend's band play at a local bar. We aren't close friends but we had talked several times when we worked together, and when she left a few weeks ago she told me she wanted to hang out sometime. I've never been to an event like this and she'll be the only person I know there. I just have the general worries about going to an unfamiliar place (a bar), surrounded by people I don't know (probably drinking, which I don't). I'm worried I'll seem like the odd man out among her circle of friends who all know each other. But I'm telling myself it'll be good to go and do something new and meet new people. Anything I should keep in mind or try to do to make it a not-bad time?
Click to expand...

Your social anxiety is revealing itself, I have it too. You have to break the way you're thinking. Everything about this event that is negative is in your head and you're overthinking way too much. For instance because you're around people you don't know doesn't mean that they will judge you negatively just because they don't know you and you're 'intruding (this is in your head)' into their space. Ask yourself how do I know what they are thinking?

Maybe it will go good and maybe it won't but you don't even know what kind of people will be there, so take a risk. Don't project or think about what you're going to do or what is going to happen. These are all part of the safety mechanisms you've developed over the years. Biased thoughts will make you rationalise yourself out of going. Try not to think about yourself, think about your surroundings both the people around you and if you can't focus on that then just the environment you are in. As you dwell on yourself, you begin to criticise yourself rather than enjoying social company.
 
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