DesertEater
Member
Yeah, thats what I think I ll do. Thanks
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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DesertEater
Member
I see what you're saying. I think I ll find out tomorrow since we have a class together.
What I'm wondering about right now is whether that she didn't text because she did not want to be the one who initiates or because she's not really interested.
EDIT: Oh, sorry for the double post.
Etrian Oddity
Member
::facepalm:: lol
pelicansurf
Needs a Holiday on Gallifrey
This reeks of insecurity. You can ask a girl to get ice cream/whatever and not seem desperate. Even though he asked the girl to text him if she wants to hang, they rarely go through with it. They expect the man to make the first move. Sure, there's exceptions, but don't count on those unless you're a stud. If you wait on the girl to text you first you're going to be a very lonely dude.
So yeah, I say text her in a non creepy matter, something short, but to the point. If she agrees, flirt when you meet up.
I'm having the saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame exact thoughts too. I still talk to my other "prospects". I make sure to keep things friendly and not cross the line so that I'm not a cheating asshole.
Current GF is very distant and not really forthcoming about anything.
So I really want to catch up on this thread but I haven't found the time for it just yet. But I do have a sort of question / thoughts that I'd like some opinions on.
I'm at the point where getting dates isn't a problem, or isn't the main problem anyways. I am pretty confident in myself so when something doesn't work out I don't blame myself (I can see what things are my 'problem' or the other person's, but usually it's just that we're not compatible, and I see that clearly). I've played with two different sets of boobs in the last week and got eyefulls of another. I've had sex in the last week.
My problem is that I really want a relationship. I'm 30, moving on 31. I don't feel old but I think I do still have fears about 'limited time', at least on finding someone I'm completely happy with.
And there's the nub. I haven't found a person that I'm very close to 'happy' with, thinking long term. Maybe my standards are too high, maybe they're crazy. There are girls I get along with well, one in particular is a front runner. Problem is she's overweight, but not horribly so, but a little more out of shape than I am right now. She used to be a runner but got injured. Otherwise she's reasonably attractive but pretty much average. Also, she's pretty poor. Also, she's not Asian and I will fully admit to having a 'problem' there...
Realistically I don't think it's unreasonable to expect more. It's just that I haven't met anyone that fits all the bills for me.
Am I crazy to be thinking about long term relationships? Am I crazy to want a full checklist of things in another person (considering I know I'm not a full checklist for a lot of people myself)? Should I do what the girls do and just let my emotions take over and not overthink it?
I'm at the point where getting dates isn't a problem, or isn't the main problem anyways. I am pretty confident in myself so when something doesn't work out I don't blame myself (I can see what things are my 'problem' or the other person's, but usually it's just that we're not compatible, and I see that clearly). I've played with two different sets of boobs in the last week and got eyefulls of another. I've had sex in the last week.
My problem is that I really want a relationship. I'm 30, moving on 31. I don't feel old but I think I do still have fears about 'limited time', at least on finding someone I'm completely happy with.
And there's the nub. I haven't found a person that I'm very close to 'happy' with, thinking long term. Maybe my standards are too high, maybe they're crazy. There are girls I get along with well, one in particular is a front runner. Problem is she's overweight, but not horribly so, but a little more out of shape than I am right now. She used to be a runner but got injured. Otherwise she's reasonably attractive but pretty much average. Also, she's pretty poor. Also, she's not Asian and I will fully admit to having a 'problem' there...
Realistically I don't think it's unreasonable to expect more. It's just that I haven't met anyone that fits all the bills for me.
Am I crazy to be thinking about long term relationships? Am I crazy to want a full checklist of things in another person (considering I know I'm not a full checklist for a lot of people myself)? Should I do what the girls do and just let my emotions take over and not overthink it?
HarryHengst
Member
So you really like the girl, but because she is poor and not as in shape as you are you dont want her? Seeing the state of the American (im guessing you are) economy, i dont think you can blame someone for being poor. And a bit overweight, eh, that can be fixed, especially if she has a history of being active im sure it wont be that hard to get her to join you at the gym or something. So, I would say those two are pretty superficial reasons to reject a girl you admit you really like.
The Asian thing though, if thats your preferred type and you know its going to bother you in non-Asian girls, why even try and date a non-Asian girl?
*edit* about the poor thing, i just noticed this topic: 53% of those w/ bachelor degrees age 25-and-under in the US are jobless/underemployed. So yeah, you can pretty much count on a girl to be poor these days, even if she is college educated.
I don't necessarily disagree with you on all those points. I'm still new to this and I don't know how much I should expect to compromise on what I want.
Why date non-Asians? The same reason as compromising on other things while dating around (money, weight, personalities, interests). It's just one more thing. The whole question is a philosophical one, should I only shoot for the stars or should I settle? I guess I see what you're saying, the Asian thing can't be changed, obviously.
I know a lot of struggling people, but she is exceptionally poor, but I don't blame her, I'm more worried about having to buy her a new car or drive her around always (which I think would be inevitable if we get into a relationship).
Around here there are less Asians. I've / I'm dating some, but this other girl seems to be a very good personality fit. I guess I wonder if the Asian thing is something I can mature beyond. I wasn't always into Asians, and that is purely a physical thing (I'm not enamored with their culture or personalities, or anything like that).
Keep flirting with her! I've broken many friend zones (for the good, and bad) by continuing to edge them on. Also notice if you take whatever subject they're talking about, center it around them even more and spice it up with sexual jokes or tease her.
low-G: First off I'd re-examine why you want a serious relationship so badly. Is it an age thing and "you're supposed to have one by now" etc? Because a relationship won't magically fix everything for you or anyone else. I understand what feeling lonely is like, heck I've spent most of my life feeling like that and not doing anything about it. Getting a girlfriend for that reason alone won't solve much long-term.
obijkenobi
Member
I really like my gf. Her schedule is just nuts though, and I'm not liking the "maybe we'll hang out tonight, I"ll let you know. *Hours later* Oh its 10PM and I'm too tired!" that's been going on. She has legit reasons because of her job and being a single mom, but it is getting old fast.
DesertEater
Member
And I texted her.
She texted back saying "that does sound nice, but i have quite a bit of work to do for school today."
Should I take this as a sign that she's not interested? Or does it just mean that she has quite a bit of work?
She texted back saying "that does sound nice, but i have quite a bit of work to do for school today."
Should I take this as a sign that she's not interested? Or does it just mean that she has quite a bit of work?
give her a couple days, or wait 'til like a friday night or something, when NO ONE has anything going on.
edit: you'll see her in class right? just ask out her for a froyo or beer after class or something man. just keep it casual.
DesertEater
Member
Yeah, I ll see her tomorrow in class. It will be interesting because I don't think that I asked someone with me in class out before.
I ll definitely try to keep it casual.
another scenario: ask her if she needs any help studying. of course, it helps if you're better at the subject than she is so you can tease.
obijkenobi
Member
Oops. Wrong topic. heh
ConradCervantes
Banned
I was walking my girlfriend out to her car the other night after a night in watching movies. I opened the door to let her in, kissed her and started back towards the house. I said good night, as did she, but then she blurted out, "Love you!"
I stopped and turned back towards her. Her face was instantly red, so it was clear that she had no intention of saying the dreaded L word. She said, "No, no, come back!" I went back, chuckling, and said good night to her again after one final kiss.
When she arrived back home she said that it was a mistake that she said that, although since we've begun dating she feels more and more comfortable with me and "not so broken" anymore. I agreed and said not to sweat it. And we left it at that.
I'm just wondering if it were an actual mistake, like when someone says "You too!" to a waiter who tells them to enjoy their food, or if it were indeed a Freudian slip. We haven't been in a relationship very long, only a few months, but stranger things have happened.
I stopped and turned back towards her. Her face was instantly red, so it was clear that she had no intention of saying the dreaded L word. She said, "No, no, come back!" I went back, chuckling, and said good night to her again after one final kiss.
When she arrived back home she said that it was a mistake that she said that, although since we've begun dating she feels more and more comfortable with me and "not so broken" anymore. I agreed and said not to sweat it. And we left it at that.
I'm just wondering if it were an actual mistake, like when someone says "You too!" to a waiter who tells them to enjoy their food, or if it were indeed a Freudian slip. We haven't been in a relationship very long, only a few months, but stranger things have happened.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I wouldn't put too much thought into it. It was probably just a reactionary thing with being on a date and all.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Americans put way too much thought in that word.
Just enjoy your time, it was most likely a slip.
Just enjoy your time, it was most likely a slip.
hawkshockey11
Banned
ConradCervantes
Banned
You're right, we should adopt other ways of showing affection. Like bumping forearms or something.
So i have a dilemma, girl i wanted to go out with 6 month ago was busy with some other guy so we never hooked up (we both wanted to). Now she has been dumped like i told her dumb ass when we first met, now she is all on my balls and i am kinda in the middle of seeing someone. so i agreed to hangout with her tonight but looking at it now i think that's a bad call.
SO should i blow her off tell her I'm busy or just go with it and brush her off if she advances?
SO should i blow her off tell her I'm busy or just go with it and brush her off if she advances?
i'd say raincheck. evaluate what you want from both these women and pursue the one you want.
think why she got dumped. maybe she'll be the same kind of girl to you, you then dump her and you end up with nothing? just think it over dude
Sickboy007
Member
I'm kinda tempted to write something but i'm drunk and also i don't want to sound like a 15 year old crybaby. I already know the right answer and it's GET THE FUCK OVER IT YOU MOTHERFUCkER ITS BEEN YEARSSZ
Sickboy007
Member
Positivity and confidence
luckyboyceo
Member
Don't settle. You may eventually determine some of the prerequisites you have right now are unnecessary, but until then keep trucking along until you meet that person that fulfills your requirements.
I would however, argue that you can be more open or welcoming of things. Think of women as food (bare with me here). You might really enjoy yourself some mexican food (or in your case, chinese food), but you don't want to let that limit your options, so that you miss out on the nice italian restaurant that just opened up down the street. You might find that the chicken alfredo actually tastes better than the kung pao chicken. You never know till you try.
With that said, move to Seattle if you want Asian women. No really, I'm not kidding, I'll show you.
She very well could be telling the truth, but I'm a firm believer that if someone wants to see someone, they'll make time for them regardless.
My hunch is that it's a sign of disinterest, but feel it out in class tomorrow. Just be casual and see what happens. Ask her again (in person) at the end of this week if you feel like you're getting good vibes.
Spill it. I made a drunk crybaby post the other night and I'm actually really glad I did. Got a lot of great advice.
Had a first date with a girl last night that went pretty well, and I see she is on AIM now (we've chatted there previously, so it's not like this would be completely new). Should I talk to her now or just wait until tomorrow/another day? Or I guess the better question is: Would it really matter if I messaged/talked to her in some form now or later?
hawkshockey11
Banned
I have noticed there are a lot of break-ups recently. Should we have a separate thread made for that as to not clutter up what is supposed to be a thread for dating?
Vermillion
Banned
Nah. When people break up, they're going to come right back here. And they'll explain why anyways - because they broke up. A separate thread is superfluous.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Gaf do you believe in "the one"? The more and more I go on dates with girls, I question whether fate, destiny, and all the stuff I believed in was true. Maybe I'm just on a cold streak, but the older I get the less and less idealistic I become about love. I still think "the one" is out there, but fuck road getting there is brutal.
shanshan310
Member
"The one" feels like a silly concept to me. The goal shouldn't be to find the perfect partner, of whom only one could possibly exist (maybe none exists), the goal should be to find a person who makes you happy, and who you can make happy. The goal should be to marry your best friend. If "the one" simply means "the one you want to marry and spend your life with", then absolutely it exists. But "the one" as in, the only person you could ever fit perfectly, nah.
If the date went well, why wouldn't you talk to her on AIM? Its pretty casual, I don't think there are any rules about waiting before you chat online. Doesn't really matter. If you wanna talk to her go ahead.
If the date went well, why wouldn't you talk to her on AIM? Its pretty casual, I don't think there are any rules about waiting before you chat online. Doesn't really matter. If you wanna talk to her go ahead.
luckyboyceo
Member
Why would you? What do you stand to gain by messaging her right now?
If she contacts you, that's another story, but don't reach out. Instead, save whatever it was that you were going to say to her for your next in person interaction. Trust me, you don't want to over communicate at this stage.
Pretty much agree with Joker on this one. I don't think it's necessary.
Unfortunately, more often than not, part of dating is the inevitable break up, so this is a good place to come for that. I do agree with you though, there have been an influx of breakups recently (both of us included). No worries, that just means the wave will be turning soon and we'll all be showered with copious amounts of women. Preferably Hawaiian Tropic models.
I believe in multiple "ones" per se.
Religious beliefs aside, I do believe that there are certain people on this earth that we're capable of connecting with better than anyone else. Call it fate, luck, whatever you want, but I think it's the truth. I do however think that pursuit of "the one" can be detrimental to one's well-being. I think you need to try and fail a couple times in order to know exactly what you're looking for. As hard as it is, it's healthy. If you're out there constantly looking for "the one" you're going to set yourself up for failure and probably miss out on some great experiences/people. So while yes, I do believe there are "ones" out there for everyone, I don't think we should spend our entire lives looking for them.
HarryHengst
Member
"The one" is something that romantic comedies tells us we should strive for, but which is completely unrealistic to expect. You need to find someone who you can stand not only today and tomorrow, but in ten years time, or in twenty years time. And that might even be a person which takes a bit more work to find that connection with, while people you have an instant connection with might be unsuitable for you in the end.
You both have a good point. I didn't contact her at all yesterday/last night. Might contact her later today though. It's toward the end of the semester and she's working on preparing for finals (like nearly everyone and their mother is), but perhaps I can see about meeting her for lunch or something later this week.
obijkenobi
Member
Well, back on the market! Long story short, she wasn't ready to date. She is a single mom with two kids and she literally said she felt guilty when she spent time away from them when she wasn't working and kept blowing me off. I understand the kids come first, but if a girl can't spare 2-3 hours a week for me, and feels guilty when she does, she has no business dating me or anyone else.
I ain't even mad, just disappointed cause we had amazing chemistry, but thems the breaks. I didn't burn any bridges with other girls I was talking to, so I feel optimistic
I ain't even mad, just disappointed cause we had amazing chemistry, but thems the breaks. I didn't burn any bridges with other girls I was talking to, so I feel optimistic
While I'm not one of those 'being in a relationship will fix everything' people, I don't even have THAT much to fix, I don't think the 'want to be in a relationship' stuff makes much sense, considering I get to play the field now, I don't have obligations to support anyone in distress, and I'm getting plenty of whatever I need. It's the perceived danger of eventually losing these things that invokes worry. I think another side might be in wanting everything I get from a wide selection of people in one person.
Thank you, I do think you're right.
I love that analogy, so bad but so good. I am sampling the local cuisines, no doubt.
Could be worse though for Asians, I'm an east coaster and there's ample numbers in Philly, Washington DC, and Baltimore. I haven't come close to 'tapping out' the local population on OKCupid, even.
I ran into pretty much the same thing recently, except it was her own mental issues rather than her kid that pulled her off the market. Two girls I know that I've really liked and they're both taking a break. I don't believe there's anything shifty going on, but I suppose there always could be. Still, while I'm moving on too, it's kinda nice to have some girls I really liked and seemed to like me on the back burner for some possible pop up months or years in the future when they get their heads on right.
I feel like we're talking about The Matrix for some reason. lol
People assume their 'soul mate' -- if such a thing exists -- is someone who has a very similar personality to them and/or shares very similar interests. However, it could be two contrasting personalities that just happen to be complementary of each other.
A kind of extreme example would be a woman/man who has self-esteem and confidence issues. It may not benefit them in any way to have a partner who is also in a similar boat. It may even bring them further down as they are not only bearing their burdens, but those of their partner as well. A person the exact opposite of that, who is very confident and out-going, but at the same time, considerate and very understanding, might benefit them in the long run.
It is a romantic concept as you said. In truth, it would be nice really just to know you can trust someone enough that you can completely open up. The inner-self tends to be so guarded. it is a defensive mechanism because being completely naked not only to your deep thoughts, but also your weaknesses, leaves you vulnerable. Perhaps manipulated and taken advantage of. I feel the true essence of such a relationship is to be able to stand naked in front of each other without fear. To be yourself. To be able let loose all inhibitions.
It's a pity I find the real world so materialistic and shallow that I never truly feel I can trust anyone enough to be that open.
CoffeeJanitor
Member
Girl in my history class is giving me a ton of signs and trying to make excuses to spend time with me and shit, what do gaf? I suck at this
Make a move. Ask her if she wants to get some coffee after class. Arrange a study thing for finals. It is all open.
stop saying you suck at this
AdventureRacing
Member
What kind of a question is this? You don't have to do anything she is doing everything. Just accept her offers and spend some time with her and she if you like her. If you do like her just ask her to do something with you one time (get a coffee have lunch whatever).
krameriffic
Member
Self deprecation is not attractive unless you are very good at making sarcastic quips.
Etrian Oddity
Member
don't get friendzoned. :l
for all you know she may just be friendly and doesn't realize she's flirting (lord knows I've met far too many of those girls this past academic year)
CoffeeJanitor
Member
Eh if I'm friendzoned that's fine. She's been making the moves not me
For a good part of a semester I was talking to a girl in class. Usually passing papers to each other so we wouldn't disturb the teacher. I knew she had a boyfriend but she was good company anyway, especially in that class. Anywho, she was absent for a while and when she came back I asked her what was up. Told me she was pregnant. Week later she starts distancing her self from me and after that, moved her seat completely.
Whats up with that? lol I guess this is more about the mind of a women rather than dating advice.
Whats up with that? lol I guess this is more about the mind of a women rather than dating advice.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Gaf theres a cute girl in my room....we work together in the summer...but itll be our last summer working together....idk if shes interested but im going for it oh god
thestopsign
Member
Posted this in Dr. Eggman's thread, but I figured I should post it here. Not really sure what I want out of you guys, but since I typed it out, I might as well hear some comments.
I'm in a situation with a girl that I'm just not 100% sure. We work together in loose terms, we are planning/running a program at college which requires us to be pretty close. We get along extremely well, and she sometimes makes little offhand remarks like "we should do a group run together", on the surface this isn't aimed just at me because we are almost always in a group, but she knows I'm the only serious runner in the group. I sometimes catch her straight up staring at me, and while she isn't a very flirty person, her texts have the "heyy" thing going on and she isn't afraid of contact with me/she initiates it a lot of the time even if it's not suggestive at all. A lot of this could just be my personal bias though. She has also started to wait for me after our meetings finish because we live in the same dorm, so we walk back together/alone. Basically the only time I'm alone with her.
I basically can just wait until after our program is done and ask her out, which would negate the whole "dipping pen in the company ink" thing, and it would also save me the hassle of asking her out when we only have two weeks of school before going home for the summer.
I'm in a situation with a girl that I'm just not 100% sure. We work together in loose terms, we are planning/running a program at college which requires us to be pretty close. We get along extremely well, and she sometimes makes little offhand remarks like "we should do a group run together", on the surface this isn't aimed just at me because we are almost always in a group, but she knows I'm the only serious runner in the group. I sometimes catch her straight up staring at me, and while she isn't a very flirty person, her texts have the "heyy" thing going on and she isn't afraid of contact with me/she initiates it a lot of the time even if it's not suggestive at all. A lot of this could just be my personal bias though. She has also started to wait for me after our meetings finish because we live in the same dorm, so we walk back together/alone. Basically the only time I'm alone with her.
I basically can just wait until after our program is done and ask her out, which would negate the whole "dipping pen in the company ink" thing, and it would also save me the hassle of asking her out when we only have two weeks of school before going home for the summer.
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