you got ajob? move out
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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you got ajob? move out
Atramental
Banned
Still waiting for a marketing firm to send me an email saying that I'm hired for their summer internship program.
And even if I get that job it won't be enough to live off of but it will at least give me some money so I can pay for gas and go places.
Blue Ninja
Member
Yeah, that sucks. Doesn't really make me feel any better, though.
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
luckyboyceo
Member
Went to a reality show casting with my brother earlier today. The amount of beautiful women there was insane.
I'm not quite ready yet to start pursuing other women, but I struck up some good conversations with a few of them. It literally couldn't have been easier. A bunch of strangers sitting in a room for a few hours, looking for anything to pass the time. Plus, the fact that you're both there automatically gives you some mutual interests.
So yeah, if there are any casting calls in your area, they might be worth going to.
I'm not quite ready yet to start pursuing other women, but I struck up some good conversations with a few of them. It literally couldn't have been easier. A bunch of strangers sitting in a room for a few hours, looking for anything to pass the time. Plus, the fact that you're both there automatically gives you some mutual interests.
So yeah, if there are any casting calls in your area, they might be worth going to.
Trust me, that killed me, but I got over it. She got engaged last summer, and is set to get married to same dude late this summer or early fall. Shit's hilarious to me now. I really couldn't care less. However, I hope she's happy and all goes well, but at the same time, it's none of my concern.
Anyway, you have been pursuing new women, right? It makes sense for her to be trying to find a new man. Plus, it's been six weeks. That's a long enough time for her to have found new dick without you feeling like a chump. If it were six days, then I could understand your frustration.
You were only together half a year. Clearly it wasn't meant to be. Forget her and move on. You weren't together that long anyway. Was she your first GF? Did you lose her virginity to her? What's so special about her?
EDIT
Ya'll have to cherish the "little victories" a lot more. The means sometimes give you just as much of a boost to your confidence as the end does. So what if you don't go on a second date? So what if she doesn't text you back? At least you got somewhere. And for what you did accomplish, think about what you did well. Learn from your mistakes but don't dwell on them.
Since the beginning of this year, I've had a fuck load of dates with a lot of girls. Some I've had second dates with, most I have not. I've made out every single one and have gotten intimate with some of them. Sure, still no GF
(dated this girl for a few weeks, but she ended up being emo as fuck and total flake...ugh....Needless to say I dumped her
Basically, do what you need to do to keep your confidence up. Fuel your ego, fuel that inner pride. Just don't lie to yourself. Be honest with yourself and what you're capable of. Having a job, having hobbies and working out helps A LOT. My confidence is at an all time high, and it definitely shows in my recent escapades with women I've met this year. I never thought I would ever be in a state like this. But I was determined and I made it happen. And guess what, you can to. Seriously, if I could do it, you sure as hell can.
EDIT 2
Always, always, always have backups. It doesn't make you a jerk. It doesn't make you player (maybe it, it does, but fuck it...). As long as you're not committed to someone, you're not hurting anybody. I always have multiple prospects at the same. Not only does it help you keep your options open, in case something falls through, but it's sure fire, automatic confidence booster. What guy wouldn't want multiple women interested in him? Getting attention from one female is great. Getting it from three, four, five, or more is even better. It should make it abundantly clear that you are attractive and that you are desirable. All these girls want to talk to you, want to see you and want to spend time with you.
Just don't bite off more than you can chew. Don't schedule more dates than you can handle, or afford. Oh and be sure not to text the wrong girl either lol.
That's never happened to me...yet
Etrian Oddity
Member
Staying in on the weekend and doing homework and playing games. Feels good man? 
I pity my roommate. Yes, he does bring home different girls... but they're all freshmen girls with single-digit IQs, and he's 23. Once he leaves college, he's screwed because he's such a creeper and so immature he's never going to attract a woman.
I pity my roommate. Yes, he does bring home different girls... but they're all freshmen girls with single-digit IQs, and he's 23. Once he leaves college, he's screwed because he's such a creeper and so immature he's never going to attract a woman.
Vermillion
Banned
Staying in on the weekend and doing homework and playing games. Feels good man?
I pity my roommate. Yes, he does bring home different girls... but they're all freshmen girls with single-digit IQs, and he's 23. Once he leaves college, he's screwed because he's such a creeper and so immature he's never going to attract a woman.
He moves to bars and gets dumb girls - he'll be fine.
Is it just me or do girls ( and men too sometimes) see single noncommited men weak or stupid?, some girls don't have any respect for men who don't have a girlfriend yet, but act completly different towards married guys or guys with girlfriends, I don't know why but it looks like they see those guys more mature or some shit.
We single ones still have more money
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
Staying in on the weekend and doing homework and playing games. Feels good man?
I pity my roommate. Yes, he does bring home different girls... but they're all freshmen girls with single-digit IQs, and he's 23. Once he leaves college, he's screwed because he's such a creeper and so immature he's never going to attract a woman.
Why the pretentious attitude? You sound jealous tbh
MisterNugNug
Member
Is it a show set in Seattle!?!?!?!
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
You sound jealous.Staying in on the weekend and doing homework and playing games. Feels good man?
I pity my roommate. Yes, he does bring home different girls... but they're all freshmen girls with single-digit IQs, and he's 23. Once he leaves college, he's screwed because he's such a creeper and so immature he's never going to attract a woman.
He'll have no trouble to keep finding girls who just want a hookup after college.
pelicansurf
Needs a Holiday on Gallifrey
They act that way because they know that those men can entertain/handle a woman; not saying that you can't, but the girls I've been around think there has to be something wrong with men who've been single/not hooking up for a long time, because if there wasn't something wrong, they wouldn't be single. This is obviously something I've noticed from personal experiences and doesn't apply to 100% of girls.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I came to a realization today.
I. Have. No. Swag. Yes, I can talk to girls socially, but it only goes so far, like arms-length conversations. Second I try to be more personable or ask slightly more personal questions, I seize up.
Frustrating.
I. Have. No. Swag. Yes, I can talk to girls socially, but it only goes so far, like arms-length conversations. Second I try to be more personable or ask slightly more personal questions, I seize up.
Frustrating.
Etrian Oddity
Member
More annoyed by the stupidity and obnoxiousness of the girls he brings back than jealous of him.
And he probably will have trouble because he wants to date an intelligent/mature girl, but he's never succeeded in getting one past a first date, let alone actually convincing one to have sex with him. So he's basically stuck with young and dumb girls which he can pull, but wants a grown-up girlfriend. Basically he doesn't understand.
::edit::
It's the "what what you can't have" attitude so many girls have. Also see: social proofing.
luckyboyceo
Member
Not sure man, but probably not. It was for MTV's Real World. Doubt they'd set it in Seattle but it's a possibility.
You sure it's not just the setting?
I straight up can't talk to women any further than small talk when I'm at a bar/club, but in a classroom, date, casual setting I'm a whiz. Maybe you're the same way?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
More annoyed by the stupidity and obnoxiousness of the girls he brings back than jealous of him.
And he probably will have trouble because he wants to date an intelligent/mature girl, but he's never succeeded in getting one past a first date, let alone actually convincing one to have sex with him. So he's basically stuck with young and dumb girls which he can pull, but wants a grown-up girlfriend. Basically he doesn't understand.
Are you telling me that if you could have meaningless hookups with random women you would say no? There's nothing wrong with holding out for the ideal woman, but getting some experience under your belt doesn't hurt.
I know one guy who dated many girls during college, probably at the same time too. Sure he could be exaggerating but I've seen how he acts around women and he does know how to get their attention. You wouldn't think a guy like that would settle down, but he found a steady girlfriend a couple years back and they're getting married next year.
If the perfect girl walked up to you and said hi, would you know what to say? Do you know how to make her laugh, how to impress her, or do you expect her to be so intelligent and intuitive that she knows exactly how great you are without ever saying a word?
No matter how smart and mature you are, humans have the same base desires and emotions. And frankly, they're all a little more complex than the first impression. I think you're selling those dumb obnoxious girls a little short, and part of it is due to jealousy. "If I acted that way I could pull those girls", you think. But you won't, because you're "better than them". But are you really? Or are you afraid that you can't?
Vermillion
Banned
Apparently I have accidental swag. When I was in high school, I attracted girls when I wasn't trying. Also first semester of college.
...Maybe I should stop trying, or something.
Atramental
Banned
Being carefree is what it is all about.
It's amazing how quickly my outlook on life can change when I realize, "Holy shit, I'm taking life waaay too seriously. It's a party and I'm treating it like it's this "A to B" thing. I need to let loose and not give a shit. Haha!"
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I dunno, maybe. I can talk in class fine, with friends of friends fine, it's new people when I begin freezing up. I mean, here's the thing, this girl worked in the shop I was in (to get ice cream cause it was nearby), and I talked to her fine, but when I wanted to actually like have a proper conversation, I just... froze. Small talk, ordering, whatever, it's fine, but actually trying. I dunno, ugh. Plus, no one else was there, just me and a couple of my buddies who were still trying to decide what to get.
I felt pretty down about that. She was gorgeous, something about her. But I'm building this up in my head too much, I gotta let it go. Stuff like this becomes toxic if you let it root in your mind.
More annoyed by the stupidity and obnoxiousness of the girls he brings back than jealous of him.
And he probably will have trouble because he wants to date an intelligent/mature girl, but he's never succeeded in getting one past a first date, let alone actually convincing one to have sex with him. So he's basically stuck with young and dumb girls which he can pull, but wants a grown-up girlfriend. Basically he doesn't understand.
::edit::
It's the "what what you can't have" attitude so many girls have. Also see: social proofing.
Why do you give a rats ass about him in the first place? If you didn't care, you wouldn't be thinking or talking about him. I mean, how does his lifestyle have any direct effect on you?
Yeah, like others have said, you're jealous.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
What's wrong with being jealous?
I know how this feels, the problem is that by the time I realize that a girl is attracted to me I end up doing something incredibly stupid or it's too late and they move on because I'm oblivious as fuck.
luckyboyceo
Member
Would you consider yourself a pretty good conversationalist normally? Or is it something you struggle with?
If so, come up with a couple of obscure questions in your head that you can save for situations you don't have anything to say in. Stuff like, "if you could go on a date with one celebrity who would it be?" or, "you can have one food item on an island with you, what do you bring?" I always use things like these on first dates and they end up leading into other stories, etc.
I agree though, you're probably over-thinking it. Just chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. It's good that you can diagnose your communication issues though, helps you learn for the future.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I think I'm a decent conversationalist. Hell, sometimes you can't get me to shut up, I just keep going and going. It's just initiating conversation that's an issue. In class, I can have pretty good conversations with people around me after a week or two of adjusting to new people.
I had to sit and think about whether or not this was a serious post.
Unless the envious thoughts are motivating you to improve yourself, being pissed off at someone else doesn't serve any purpose. Misplaced anger and self pity don't do a damn thing. Fuck that noise. If you're unsatisfied, do something about it.
He should be more concerned about his own life and not the stupid stuff his roommate does
I honestly think isn't that big of deal...he needs to get over it.
Anyway, a while ago (I think it was in my thread, Dating-age 2), I said that if getting a girl was that hard, our species would cease to exist. There are stupid, ugly and crazy ass people, that somehow, managed to attract someone of the opposite sex and have kids with them. Knowing that, you have to admit that maybe some of you are making this whole thing a little more complicated than it really is. Seriously, do the following:
- Get a job
- Acquire skills and hobbies
- Work out/ eat a balanced diet
You will see a big change in your life. I've accomplished all three, and with that, my confidence went up and so did my ability to talk to women. Having a job gives the means (money) to go out and do stuff. Plus, it's nice being able to show that you are actually productive. Having skills and hobbies makes you interesting. You'll have a references for conversations as well things to do with others. Working out and eating right will make you look and feel better, that's no secret.
It's really not that hard. The hardest part is the initial step and starting out. But once you get in a good routine and things are in place, maintaining everything is pretty simple. You just have to get into the mindset of wanting to do it and knowing that you're capable. And that, right there, is the pure essence of what confidence is. Once you master that, getting a female's attention and making yourself desirable will be a lot easier.
If someone like me could do it, anyone can. Seriously. I never thought in a million years I'd ever be the way I am today. One day, I just woke up and told myself that I was sick of who I was. Since then, I've worked hard every day to reinvent myself and make myself a better person. I still have a long way to go, but I'm satisfied with what progress I've made.
However, don't be get caught up in comparing yourself to others. Hell, don't even compare yourself to others in this thread. Just do your thing and do what you think is right for you. Just adhere to the general tips that people give. Ultimately, every situation is different. You have to play it by ear and go with the flow. Just do your best. That's all you can do.
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
Just wanted to say good post haha pretty much how I feel
Just let her go, man. Not for her sake but for you. You guys got close during a very emotional period she was going through but it sounds like she wasn't really ever into you in that way. You don't want to hear this but you can't entertain yourself with the thought of emailing out of the blue months or years from now. You have to move on.
Shit sucks. I feel for you.
Pollux
Member
Well, GAF. After 4 years I think it might be coming to an end. I just feel it. She's on vacation with her family for the next week and were going to "evaluate" when she gets back.
She said she doesn't know if shes in love with me anymore, but she still loves me. Says she's 25 and is afraid she might miss out on going out and having fun. Even though she's never done any of that stuff, even before I met her.
Fuck this shit. I feel so powerless and it's messing me up. She's my best friend, literally, and I dont want to lose her. Any advice to get her to fall back on love with me?
She said she doesn't know if shes in love with me anymore, but she still loves me. Says she's 25 and is afraid she might miss out on going out and having fun. Even though she's never done any of that stuff, even before I met her.
Fuck this shit. I feel so powerless and it's messing me up. She's my best friend, literally, and I dont want to lose her. Any advice to get her to fall back on love with me?
Equus Bellator Apex
Junior Member
nvm
Blue Ninja
Member
I've scheduled some dates, yeah, but no real 'pursuin', I just don't feel up to it right now. Maybe it's cultural differences, but over here, six weeks isn't considered "a long time", so yeah, I do feel like a chump.
Yeah, she was my first. I dunno, she was just special because we both had to go through a lot of shit before we actually ended up together. I had to fight for her and now it feels like it was all for nothing.
Devolution
Member
If she's unsure your best bet is to let her go unless you want to guilt trip her into staying with you thus making you both miserable in the end.
shanshan310
Member
If I act differently its only because with guys who are already in a relationship I don't have to worry about them hitting on me, whereas sometimes with single guys I do. Generally I don't' treat people any differently though, but I don't think girls who do are doing it because they think single men are dumb. I certainly don't see a connection between the two.
Its not, but its far more common for women to have several suitors.
If someone says they're not sure if they love you, they don't love you anymore and aren't sure how to say it without hurting you. After 4 years, unfortunately I think its over. If she is ever to fall back in love with you its only after she realizes she's lost something. So let her go. Its no guarantee and in fact, don't bet on her getting feelings back. So get dating!
I read what you wrote while at work (was on break!). Fuck that shit, move on.
tearsofash
Member
I'm about to graduate college, should I just go all out and ask everyone I've ever thought of asking out in hopes of catching a catch/finding a find? Not like I have much to lose.
shanshan310
Member
You're kidding right?
The amount of "I met this chick but I'm kinda also seeing these other chicks"/ "Don't worry I've got a back up date" posts I've seen in this thread make me think its quite the opposite, especially when I see this replicated among most of the men I know, but none of the women.
Nope.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Do you have a plan for your life in the coming months, like are you going anywhere for employment or anything? And are you looking for something substantial or just a fling sort-of thing. I'm hesitant to suggest anything major or anything if you're leaving, but if its not something big and you want to get practice and experience in the whole thing, more power to ya.
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
Well most of Neogaf is a sausagefest so it makes sense you don't hear a lot of women stories
SpectreFire
Member
I've got two dates this week.
One was originally scheduled for today, but cancelled because she caught the flu. We might be up for Monday if she gets better by then. I initially wasn't that keen on her because she was 18, but after talking to her more, I really like her, plus she's pretty damn attractive.
The other one is with someone my age, doesn't seem as interesting as the first, but might light up in person.
I still feel bound by my dating history and have this sense that neither of these two are going to work out for some inexplicable reason. It's awful and I realize I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't help it. It's just a bit frustrating if anything.
On the plus side, Avengers is coming out this week! HYPE. Also, I told my lesbian friend that if both dates flatline, we're going out to town and picking up cute ladies the old fashioned way.
One was originally scheduled for today, but cancelled because she caught the flu. We might be up for Monday if she gets better by then. I initially wasn't that keen on her because she was 18, but after talking to her more, I really like her, plus she's pretty damn attractive.
The other one is with someone my age, doesn't seem as interesting as the first, but might light up in person.
I still feel bound by my dating history and have this sense that neither of these two are going to work out for some inexplicable reason. It's awful and I realize I shouldn't feel that way, but I can't help it. It's just a bit frustrating if anything.
On the plus side, Avengers is coming out this week! HYPE. Also, I told my lesbian friend that if both dates flatline, we're going out to town and picking up cute ladies the old fashioned way.
Up....Dizzle.
*scratches head*
I'm not even really sure what the tipping point was but at some point in the week after that post I basically decided that we aren't on the same wavelength. That's the best way I can describe it. Our interactions just didn't sit right with me. Plus it coincided with one of my down weeks emotionally (I'm an inwardly moody person).
She says I just disappeared on her. It probably looked and felt that way, even if I didn't intend to but could you blame me? Playing cat and mouse gets old lol so of course I stopped texting her and stopped asking her to hang out.
Whatevs. Beach time and music time is only two weeks away.
I swear it's easier to just get laid than to actually snag a chick you like as a person.
*scratches head*
I'm not even really sure what the tipping point was but at some point in the week after that post I basically decided that we aren't on the same wavelength. That's the best way I can describe it. Our interactions just didn't sit right with me. Plus it coincided with one of my down weeks emotionally (I'm an inwardly moody person).
She says I just disappeared on her. It probably looked and felt that way, even if I didn't intend to but could you blame me? Playing cat and mouse gets old lol so of course I stopped texting her and stopped asking her to hang out.
Whatevs. Beach time and music time is only two weeks away.
I swear it's easier to just get laid than to actually snag a chick you like as a person.
StalkerUKCG
Banned
Devo advice is best advice.
I remember when me and my ex broke, she said all the unsure if shes still in love with me crap but we tried it for a few more months and shit went down hill FAST.
Beyond miserable its going to make you both feel trapped.
I understand around now your going to be thinking "but i love her" but honestly love is not that hard to come by.
You were absolutely right on this one. Scary how spot on this was
Old feelings gone and things are looking really good with my current girl. She's a catch. Thanks for the awesome advice man!Feelings are fucking weird sometimes.
CAW
Member
Been seeing a woman for about a month. Things are going good and I should be happy and take everything for what it is, but I seem to over-analyze a lot and have high expectations. I also seem to always rush into strong feelings way too quickly and then feel like shit because I can tell I feel more involved then the person I'm seeing.
Any tips on how to be cool and not always be like this in relaitonships?
Any tips on how to be cool and not always be like this in relaitonships?
let her go
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
I'll reply properly in a bit. Just wanted to collate the replies
Count Dookkake
Member
The bolded sentences don't work the way you seem to think that they do.
That she has not done that stuff prior to your relationship, does not mean that she could not be thinking about a more "fun" life, whatever she means by that. People can change and people can bury their desires for a seemingly "safe" or "appropriate" life or partner. However, this tends to fall apart at some point.
Like Lord Humongus says "Walk away."
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