The point of that phrase is that the opposite will make you seem like a desperate creep that will fall for the first girl that gives attention. You don't want to give off that vibe. Speaking of vibe, would you post a pic of yourself? I only ask because you say that people seem to ignore you or not want anything to do with you. You must be saying something with the way you carry yourself.
If you don't want to post the pic for some advice, simply work on things like posture, take care of yourself better, smile and be friendly with others. Eye contact by itself can be creepy, so don't expect to magically have connections with others with this.
I don't know if I'd post a picture, but I do know that I feel I look unnatural and 'stiff' in pictures that have been taken of me even when I am not posing or expecting a picture. I have a unibrow, too. Would that really stop people chatting to me, though?
One of the reasons I've never believed in these self help motivating speeches is because you listen to them and you get hyped up and confident feeling good. Then you actually step out into the real world and you still have to face reality. All the time I gotta deal with either rejection or the cold shoulder. My so called "friends" even though I wouldn't go that far joking about how girls don't want to be with me and so on. I don't let it get to me too much but it's still the reality of my situation.
You sound much like me. My reality is what I experience when I go out the front door. There's a reason I am a lonely man, or perhaps many reasons. I am who I am. Clearly people are not attracted to me, perhaps because of my looks and lack of social development. I don't know.
I even had a woman tell me to "Fucking move" simply because I passed by in front of her as she was leaving the store! A customer. That absolutely crushed my confidence, and I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. I didn't retaliate, but I watched on and saw her shaking her head as she continued out.
My work friend tells me that there's no women suited to me in my workplace, or even the area I live in! Then where are they?! In imaginary mythical land?
While I'm not much of a fan of Eastern philosophies, one thing I do like out of Lao Tzu for instance is the saying that the one that is most true to the Tao of Nature (path of nature or enlightenment) is the one that does not care.
Stop caring about your negative thoughts, what might have been or what is, and forget how people feel about you. Forget it now and forever.
Are relationships and dating tiring? It can be, but forget the emphasis and biological drive. Forget about the way society may be like today or the expectations you have to prove.
Since it's Spring/Summer, I recommend this: Get at least 2-3 hours of Sunlight a day, more positive people will need less. This means actually going out and doing something outdoors even if it's just biking or walking or whatever. You'll feel better and the world will feel more open. Negative thinking may lead to various forms of depression and sunlight will counteract that somewhat.
Then start to self-improve, but not because you want to be more attractive but because this is life and you'll have wasted it by being that nobody retail guy that does nothing that nobody else notices. Being someone requires effort else we are all just mindless drones in an uncaring machine.
Work out because it improves your life and try walking/jogging/running daily depending on your fitness level. Bring more organization into your life by dressing well, cleaning up, and keeping things tidy in your life. A messy habit brings a messy life. Ultimately, this is all to learn one thing. Discipline.
Look at all the times in your life where you're playing games, listening to music or otherwise killing time and letting your life pass by without notice. Decrease that. Yes, there's something to be said about having hobbies but since you only live once, make room for trying a variety of things and doing only the most enjoyable of those.
Start multi-tasking. One less game a year can translate into 4-5 significant works by the worlds greatest men from which you can learn from, and you can read these on the way to work, sitting on the can, eating dinner, etc. My favorite is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I suggest reading that.
Once you have that discipline and self-worth down, your confidence will flow from it and that will help you through pretty much everything life can throw at you. You don't have to be a jerk or a player, but try to be virtuous and when I mean that I mean the Roman concept of virtue, from the root virs "of men".
Aspire to be great and proudly claim what you're good at. Treat all other people and things in life as equal to you or lesser but never greater. Never bow or scrape to anyone regardless of their position of power or threats and never sit in silence where you can speak your mind.
Once you are done growing up to being in active control of your own life, all the things you want in terms of sociability will be yours to take simply because everyone else will be too lazy to have done what you just did.
Assemble a circle of good friends or people you can talk to. This thread can be helpful to that but nothing beats one on one interaction, since we evolved for that.
I like the sound of this, but I'd have to adopt the mindset of "I am such a great person, I enjoy my own company, even though others don't enjoy my company." "That girl that just ignored me missed out on a great guy."
If I was a man that had had relationships, and had a woman/women express interest in me and enjoy being with me, I'd find that so much easier. I'd be able to refer to those experiences with women in my mind, and know that any woman that rejects me missed out on somebody that has showed other women a great time.
I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three.
They have not missed out on anything.
I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.
I think people say this because when a girl is giving off signals that she's interested, it's honestly pretty easy to move things forward with her (90% of the time, you still have to be the one to initiate, though). The thing is, you have to make yourself attractive first. A lot of things factor in to your overall attractiveness (god-given looks, clothes, body, confidence, humor, height, etc.). Some of these things you can't change (I'm relatively short, for example) so you just have to make up for this by working on the other things. Also, girls differ on what they find attractive so don't get too down on yourself if some girls don't pay attention to you
I don't initiate conversation because women's behaviour around me is awkward or equivalent to holding a trash can lid up in front of her face with the words 'Don't talk to me' written on it.
I'm about to run out the door to class, but real quickly you are absolutely right about the bolded part. Things do not just fall into place. Some people have it come to them easier than others, but nobody gets to the top in any endeavor without a serious fucking work ethic.
I think where you're going wrong is not with recognizing this fact, but by being so pessimistic and dismissive of what it means. Yes, media and popular culture do emphasize some pretty unrealistic ideas of what makes someone a success, and a lot of people do buy into that bullshit, but you have to understand that most people are walking around with some kind of story, burden, experience, or general feeling of unease that makes them look outside of their lives for support or an escape.
Everyone is vulnerable in some way, and recognizing that is the first step to opening yourself up to a more fulfilling social experience with others. You can be someone who others turn to for that escape. If you make someone laugh when they're having a run of the mill day, you will stand out. If you make a small effort to be a little bit more fun to be around than the average person, even if you aren't feeling particularly great yourself, then you will be noticed. The healthy relationships with women are simply a byproduct of this attitude.
There is a lot of stupid bullshit out there, but if you think you're the first person to recognize that fact, then you are delusional. Believe it or not there are some really smart people out there who also see the world for what it is but don't wallow in self pity over it.
Again, great post. I will try to take what you say on board.
That's because you keep telling yourself it's bullshit. It's as easy as that. Like he said, it's all mind set. Like with so many others, it wouldn't do you any harm to see some new perspectives on this stuff.
Edit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIX6V_Cpyq8
This was me almost a year ago, to the day. Your argument is invalid
I'd love a new perspective on this. Perhaps then I'd feel like I can get on with my life.
I could indulge entirely in other activities, I guess. Forget women, focus on enjoying myself doing my own thing. But to do that I'd have to be comfortable with the reality that I've always been a loner, and the thought of being alone forever, while I look on at the happy couples and attractive women around my place of work. I don't know if I can get over that barrier.
Sounds like a nice date to me instead.