Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Because you love her.
Forgiveness is very powerful. Calm down, try to think as straight as you possibly can, and talk to her. Meet her somewhere that isn't at that house, as you seem to have a lot of negative associations with it. Just her, as well. Nobody else should be involved.
If you can find it in your heart to believe her when she tells you she is sorry, then forgive her and work through this together. Anything that you two work through as a team will make you so much stronger in the long run, but at the same time do not become a doormat for her. It sounds as though she understands what she did, so just let her know that what she did was extremely hurtful to you but because you love her and do ultimately want to be with her that you are up to the task of working through this difficult period.
The best thing for you right now is to calm down, and really just speak with her when you feel you are ready. DO NOT confront the guy, because that will not help anything AT ALL.
Smelly Tramp
Member
like i said man, i can't confront the guy anyway. he's not from there or where i'm from. i'd hurt her flatmate because he invited this "mate" over and let it happen. and he's a cheating idiot as well that's much younger and doesn't understand the gravity of a proper relationship.
i'll give it time, you know what they say, time's a healer.
Grant me strength, GAF. You know that "You are now thinking about her. What's her name?" image that floats around the internet?
Well, my "her" broke up with her boyfriend today, about a week or so after I told her how I feel.
Possible coincidence, of course, but we've had a long-standing...thing. We're close. I don't want to speculate on her motives, but my instincts say that it's related.
I don't think I'm asking for advice or anything, as it seems obvious that all I can do is not do anything until she approaches me...but goodness gracious my brain's firing on all cylinders.
And this the day after I resolved not to think about it and let whatever happens happen.
Well, my "her" broke up with her boyfriend today, about a week or so after I told her how I feel.
Possible coincidence, of course, but we've had a long-standing...thing. We're close. I don't want to speculate on her motives, but my instincts say that it's related.
I don't think I'm asking for advice or anything, as it seems obvious that all I can do is not do anything until she approaches me...but goodness gracious my brain's firing on all cylinders.
And this the day after I resolved not to think about it and let whatever happens happen.
*looks at avatar* Sniff her butt, you know you want to.
Never heard of this...
I can't find the screengrab that I'm thinking of, but it's a 4chan thread, with this image:
and the text
"What's her name?"
And it being a 4chan screengrab, the replies were all Emily.
Hypereides
Member
Its the alcohol. Alcohol contains some depressive chemicals which cause bad consciousness, guilt, regret and so forth. Its normal to feel down after some heavy drinking.
But keep doing what youre doing. Going out with no intentions is a good way to expand your horizons. I'd recomend - if youre up for it - for you to bring your guitar with you when its sunny weather, go to the inner city or a park, relax on a bench, practice and get inspired while just meditating in peace in an open space. It'll clear your mind and break your comfort zone/threshold even further. It should be good for you.
I do it myself, but replace the guitar with a sketchbook and pencil and its practically the same thing.
So I have been seeing a girl for a month or so, but today my previous girlfriend brought me some stuff that I had left at her place and hadn't bothered going back to get after we broke up.
The thing is she sprayed the perfume she wore on our first few dates on/in the bag, is this a "thing" some girls do when they give stuff back to their ex and what does it mean? Is she still interested? It made me think about her and us back then that's for sure.
The thing is she sprayed the perfume she wore on our first few dates on/in the bag, is this a "thing" some girls do when they give stuff back to their ex and what does it mean? Is she still interested? It made me think about her and us back then that's for sure.
Are you sure she actually sprayed it ON/IN the bag and didn't just spray it on herself or something and the bag was right near her?
Based on everything you said your girlfriend sounds rather manipulative. It's one thing to engage in devious acts, but then to try and pass the blame onto others? That's not the sign of a compassionate partner. A healthy relationship even.
That being said, it's possible she's just using you for emotional support, yet seeking out other guys for physical needs / attention. Being so far away in a new place, and from one's significant other not only puts a strain on the relationship, but may also lesson any morale barriers she has towards your relationship.
You say her friends are poisoning her. While there may be some validity to that via their influence, the reality is she still made the choices. Trust has been fractured, and repairing it will take time. But the distance will only make it harder. No matter what route you choose, there's bound to be a lot of uncertainty moving forward.
Well when I saw her today she wasn't wearing any perfume and I know she only wore this particular perfume on dates/special occasions and she knows I really like it. It smells too strong for it to have been accidentally sprayed on, but I might be wrong...
Basically she's saying "Remember me?".
Hypereides
Member
Sounds like shes thinking of you. But I think more in a nostalgic memories kind of way. But its still pretty vague to determine anything.
What did you do...to deserve exile that is?
electricshake
Member
Just been told by the guy I'm seeing that I'm basically his rebound. Fuck.
Use his toothbrush to polish the toilet.
Hypereides
Member
Or/and fuck around with his apartment. Rewind the clocks. Rearrange things. Throw out his coffee and put canister back in the cabinet. Take away all the toilet paper. Etc. Etc.
Create the ultimate mind fuck, well, thats if you wanna go that way.
Fill the coffee canister with soil from outside.
Hypereides
Member
And replace the lightbulbs with broken ones.
I like where this thread is going, we could go on like this.
You've done this before.
electricshake
Member
Ha thanks for the advice guys! Dunno whether to end it now before I get in too deep or just go with it and see what happens.
Smelly Tramp
Member
I know man. I know. She didn't use to be like this. She was a sweet girl, would never dream of doing anything like this, was loyal to me, loved me, wasn't manipulative at all.
Which is why I'm so devastated and this is a shock right now. It all started about 3 months ago, when my flatmate broke up with his girlfriend (her flatmate). Everyone in her flat was single, they'd all go out and meet guys/girls and she'd either stay in or go out with them and end up getting ditched by them.
She resents me for it, but I've done nothing wrong. Is it a mistake that I prioritised studying for my final year exams for my uni degree over her? I don't think so. Was only for a month.
Her problem is that she's gullible and easily manipulated by others. All her life she's wanted to fit in, have a stable group of friends. She's such a fool. Makes me so sad.
Not worth your time.
"You're not in a damn chatroom. Don't treat the threads as such."
I don't know. I thought I would just continue losing weight until I no longer looked like a bloated sack.
Same here. I have a few more adjustments to make to my lifestyle though.
shanshan310
Member
Let her know you're feeling all of this. Let her know how much she fucked up, and then talk through it. It may take time, but if you truly still want to be with her you can work things out.
she sounds like a weak person. not worth your time.
Smelly Tramp
Member
yeh... usually in these situations people think things like, oh the guy wasn't manly enough, he must have been a doormat. or he was shit in bed.
it's never been like that for me. never been a doormat, have always done what i want, and the sex strangely got better in those 3 months, she even said this to me and told her friends the very same thing!
it's like there's no legitimate reason...that's what's puzzling me....
shanshan310
Member
You said you've been together over 2 years? Maybe she became restless, or realised that she may be missing out on the 'partying'/'dating' stage of her life while with you (these are things I've heard from other people before). The only way to really know is to ask her though. You've been together a long time. Even though she's treated you horribly I'm going to go against the grain and say give it more time before letting her go. Talk it through with her, make sure you both understand each other before you make a decision. I think you'd be worse off in the long run if you just dropped her without fully knowing what happened.
Smelly Tramp
Member
agreed, i won't drop her just yet. she's been such a good girl in the past though, before me she only ever had 3 guys, and they were people she knew and not randoms. she's never had a one night stand, she finds the whole idea revolting, so i cant understand the whole dating scene thing.
she's been having a tough time at work lately (again out of my hands) and when she gets stressed or depressed, she gets self-destructive. she's a complete commitment phobe as well, this is the longest relationship she's ever had, i'm the love of her life, and she's scared because she's 21. she's hitting the fucking switch cause she's shit scared of what will happen if we stay together. like that guy above said, she is such a weak person.
Zomba13
Member
Got back from my second date with OKC girl around an hourish ago. It went really well. We met up at 10:20 in the morning and walked around the bay and went bowling and played in the arcade and had pizza and ice cream and walked some more and enjoyed the day and bought bubbles and blew bubbles. Spent the day until just before 5pm with her and after she hugged me goodbye I asked if I get goodbye kiss and she kissed me on the cheek.
I'll either be seeing her again Friday or if not then I'll be seeing her some time after on or after the 4th of June because she's got a family reunion thing next week. I should probably kiss her or something next time right?
I'll either be seeing her again Friday or if not then I'll be seeing her some time after on or after the 4th of June because she's got a family reunion thing next week. I should probably kiss her or something next time right?
Asking for a kiss is so passive. If you don't step your game up and become more aggressive, there's a strong probability she will get bored. As a guy, it's your job to step on the gas. It's her job to tap on the brakes.
Ok, so I just found out I had a message on Facebook from some guy about my ex fiancee. I got it May 13th and this is what it said: "If you want to know what *****s been doing behind your back get ahold of me. If you tell her that I contacted you, youll never know what shes been doing. I'm not causing trouble but its not fair to you."
Um, guys. What the fuck? Me and her have been broken up over 2 months now.
Fml.
Um, guys. What the fuck? Me and her have been broken up over 2 months now.
Fml.
ThingontheFloor
Member
Too late now, but you should've taken the initiative to at least kiss her on the cheek without having to ask for one. You're unable to gauge if she was just doing it so it wouldn't be awkward if she declined. Chances are, if things were already going well on the date, it would've gone fine.
So yeah, kiss her next time for sure. On the lips. Do it.
Attackthebase
Member
Yes, you should aim to kiss her the next time you see her. Don't be so passive and ask for one too. I remember my first date with summer girl, and I simply kissed her on the cheek before she left. Be a tad more aggressive, and you should profit. It sounds like she's into you, so you should be safe if you time it right.
I expect to hear your success story on June 5th. ;-D
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Smelly Tramp
Member
She said some horrible things to me, things i can't repeat. Just know they were justification for this. Broke up with her man, deleted her number, deleted her off facebook. Deleted all her friends and family off facebook.
Clean fucking break.
Oh God, I'm an absolute mess right now.
Clean fucking break.
Oh God, I'm an absolute mess right now.
Sanky Panky
Banned
You held her up on a pedestal for long, but she's a different person. You did nothing wrong, and be glad you'll be able to move on and find someone mature that enhances your life, WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. She was NOT that person, and be glad it is done sooner than later. Go out there and enjoy what you have been missing.
Good job on deleting her out of everything. It's the first step needed in a break-up.
Attackthebase
Member
You took a strong first step. Many in your situation would have been unable to break up with their significant other, delete them from Facebook and erase her number. Proud of you, bro.
Hang in there, Gaf will help you in your time of need.
Be strong buddy. Like you said earlier, time will help make it all alright. Listen to some music that gets you happy, pick up a book, watch an entire season of some new tv show that you've never seen before. Do something that takes your mind off of her and how much it hurts, okay? Keep yourself occupied, and give yourself time. Things will get better.
probably dave the misunderstood bro trying to do his thing
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