Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Tess3ract said:
Well, I couldn't have gone after her when I just broke up, im more frustrated I turned her down at the time because I was with my now exgf because I thought i'd try and fix what was going wrong with it (it couldn't be fixed and we broke up)

I'm just like, why did I waste my time trying to make it work when I could have had this lovely lady
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Hindsight is always 20/20. We can play "what if" all we want, but that won't change the past.

Try not to dwell on it too much. Besides, she's with someone right now, so there's not really much you can do about it anyway. Don't harsh her new relationship buzz by dumping the "we really should've gotten together" speech on her. It's not a good look.
 
Well, I've been single for 3 weeks now. First time I've ever been single out of college so... guess I have to figure out how dating works when you're an adult.

I don't feel like I need to get into a relationship right now or anything, but I feel like I should try not to fall into a rut because if I don't start making an effort to get out there soon I'll probably never start. Not sure if that makes any sense.
 
Tess3ract said:
Is it a bad idea to tell a girl who used to be into you two years ago and you've been intimate with, to say that i regret not dating her when I had the chance? What if she's with some guy for a month now, and you want to also say that you're happy for her and just want her to be happy and wont interfere with your current relationship, but that you just wanted to get it off your chest and level with her.

I don't expect anything, I just want to tell her regardless if she reciprocates or not. I would have gone after her when she was single, but the time between me breaking up with my ex and them getting together was a matter of days.
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If you're still interested in her, I'd lay my cards on the table. You never know. But if she were to come knocking on your door and you'd turn her away, I wouldn't bother.
 
Tess3ract said:
Is it a bad idea to tell a girl who used to be into you two years ago and you've been intimate with, to say that i regret not dating her when I had the chance? What if she's with some guy for a month now, and you want to also say that you're happy for her and just want her to be happy and wont interfere with your current relationship, but that you just wanted to get it off your chest and level with her.

I don't expect anything, I just want to tell her regardless if she reciprocates or not. I would have gone after her when she was single, but the time between me breaking up with my ex and them getting together was a matter of days.
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I would do it as a complement. "I should have dated you when I had the chance" and give a wink and a smile.
 
Finished things with rebound guy. Feeling pretty gutted about it but we wanted different things. Wish I'd known earlier, I was totally falling for him :(

Edit: aaaand I've just lost my job. Best day ever.
 
Xun said:
Yeah, it's definitely something I've got to start up again.

Off-topic but it pisses me how my friend is sometimes. We got in an argument earlier at the pub over art (coincidentally), and he always talks over me as if I'm wrong all the time with anything. He talks as if he knows what he's on about, even if he doesn't.

The amount of bullshit he spouts is unbelievable, and it really doesn't matter what we're on about. He always goes on about how he doesn't know anyone, and how difficult things are for him. When in reality he's the type of guy who just has people constantly come up to him, and here I am just invisible all the time. I'm even putting myself out there more (I've got a more positive mindset now, believe it or not), but the amount of interest people take in me is small.

Whether or not he was joking, he was saying how much he wants female company, and was saying it as if I should feel sorry for him. But considering he's been out with a shitload of girls before, and I haven't, his attitude pisses me off. Even today he was telling me how he went out with some girl yesterday with a few other mates (who I also know), and yet he didn't invite me. Considering I'm good friends with him (despite me talking shit about him), it really fucking hurts.

Anyway, no idea why I'm posting this here, but I just needed to get that out of my system.
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Sorry dude, but that doesnt sound like a good friend - or friend at all - to me, more like a parasite if anything. Hes just useing you to dump emotional waste and sexual frustration.

Even if you confronted him about it, it'd be kinda too late since the roles in your disrepectful friendship have been set. But I'd urge you to do something about it now than later.

Hes probably one of the negative influences dragging you down. I'd stop getting aquainted with him and such people. They dont deserve the attention.
 
Leeness said:
I went on my first date today! :O met him on OKC haha. It was fun.

Whether it goes any further than that or not...at least I won't die having never been on a date before. Woo.
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First date ever? Good on you. I remember when I had my first true date a few years back. It was before I started to grow out of my shell. Oh my, so much has changed since those days.

I am encountering a serious problem, I realized this last night and more so in the cock-blocking thread. I tend to have a serious problem people assuming I'm gay because of my personality and etiquette. This assumption of my sexuality has easily become my biggest pet peeve.
 
Xun said:
Yeah, it's definitely something I've got to start up again.

Off-topic but it pisses me how my friend is sometimes. We got in an argument earlier at the pub over art (coincidentally), and he always talks over me as if I'm wrong all the time with anything. He talks as if he knows what he's on about, even if he doesn't.

The amount of bullshit he spouts is unbelievable, and it really doesn't matter what we're on about. He always goes on about how he doesn't know anyone, and how difficult things are for him. When in reality he's the type of guy who just has people constantly come up to him, and here I am just invisible all the time. I'm even putting myself out there more (I've got a more positive mindset now, believe it or not), but the amount of interest people take in me is small.

Whether or not he was joking, he was saying how much he wants female company, and was saying it as if I should feel sorry for him. But considering he's been out with a shitload of girls before, and I haven't, his attitude pisses me off. Even today he was telling me how he went out with some girl yesterday with a few other mates (who I also know), and yet he didn't invite me. Considering I'm good friends with him (despite me talking shit about him), it really fucking hurts.

Anyway, no idea why I'm posting this here, but I just needed to get that out of my system.
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That's not a friend, he's a vampire in your life and you need to proverbially stake him in the heart and get rid of him.
 
birdcity said:
That's not a friend, he's a vampire in your life and you need to proverbially stake him in the heart and get rid of him.
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What this man says x1000. Fuck this "friend" of yours, he's using you. Cease hanging out, do things socially without him, and work on your game. Shed that negative weight.
 
Anyone have any advice on juggling multiple girls that you are talking to/dating? I have this problem with having multiple interested girls but ultimately only focus on one, really narrowing my available pool. I don't know why but I feel bad talking to others even though I'm not in an actual romantic relationship with any of them.
 
Redux said:
Fuck, why do girls get so vicious & wont text back when you don't remember something so small and unimportant..
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It's the small things that are important. It shows that you pay attention to them, and that you care about what they say on a day-to-day basis, not just the big things. To an extent, I sympathize.
 
JokerOfSpades said:
It's the small things that are important. It shows that you pay attention to them, and that you care about what they say on a day-to-day basis, not just the big things. To an extent, I sympathize.
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Very true. And when you finally do remember, try to joke around the situation it just crumbles on you.

Woman are good at making you feel bad >:/
 
Leeness said:
I went on my first date today! :O met him on OKC haha. It was fun.

Whether it goes any further than that or not...at least I won't die having never been on a date before. Woo.
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ibeJuAv4Gel5Ub.gif
 
Etrian Oddity said:
Lame, all my new coworkers are in relationships. Not only am I the odd man out, but (more disturbing) I'm the only one who actually pays attention to the pretty females passing by the storefront windows.

It seems so easy to find a girl who likes you. I wonder what I'm doing wrong. :\
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First, many people feel this way. You're not as alone as you think, even if they people you spend time around make you feel otherwise.

Ask yourself these things, and make sure each one is in order before moving to the next one:

1. Are you happy with yourself aside from not having a girlfriend?
- solutions: forget about putting effort into dating for now, and focus on improving your life, hobbies, and health. Of course, an opportunity might arise while you're doing this - don't pass it up.

2. Do you convey this happiness and confidence by the way you speak, walk, and dress?
- solutions: practice speaking more authoritatively, get rid of "uh's", go to the gym (squats and deadlifts will improve your posture immensely - I get compliments on my posture sometimes), and figure out a style that fits you, both literally and figuratively.

3. Are you exposing yourself to new people?
- solutions: Use your friends to make new friends, or find new friends. Online dating works for me because I'm a good writer. But your strengths might be different. Put yourself in an environment where you can showcase your talents and skills.
 
I told her basically what I wanted to with fewer words and she reacted exactly how I knew she would. She didn't mind, and said that even if you had asked me out at the time, you were living in another state than me, that requires a compromise on both people. I said pretty much the same thing and that I've been through that before myself so I couldn't put her to that.

I am going to be in the same state, hopefully for a while now, so maybe it wont work out with them (she's dating a guy she's known as long as me for the second time, and he has a kid something she said she'd never do) and based on how well we mesh and like each other, I think it'll happen....eventually.

There's this other girl who was my old coworker who's single for a while now who likes me a lot who I really wanna hang out with and maybe casually bang but I'm keeping all my cards open at this point.
 
I envy people who have never had a long term relationship, and or have it end. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble, anymore.
 
Branson said:
I envy people who have never had a long term relationship, and or have it end. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble, anymore.
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Depends on how you look at it. Some times its worth while. But personally it bares too much risk. Most likely alot of people will appreciate having such a relationship. Ive tried and respect people who are strictly to monogamous relationships, but Ive experienced negative results on my end. Been there. done that.

Besides that, its a great opportunity to find out who you really are and what youre into.

Im quite happy having an open relationship. It brings minimal consequences of getting hurt emotionally, while still being grateful for having a mutual understanding for one another. You can still care for one another, in a different way.
 
ugh after so many failed dates in the last weeks i ask myself a questions.
why am i drawn to crazy chicks, i had a gf who was very healthy for me but i quit it. i could get back with her but i do not want to. Im trying to get myself with women who are weird, crazy or not worth the hunt and yet im knowingly keep on trying. Most times i just fail, some times i make out, but honestly its not worth it. I always thought realising something makes the change, but appearantly not here.
not whining here, im just bothered with my brain.

had another date with a girl ive been trying with for a long time now and we had the third date in over 6 months now. turned out she wanted to hang out an evening to see how it goes. now i ask myself out loud on the way home with her if its the direction to the friendzone or testing it out for other reasons, she didnt know but it feld for me into the first category. This made me walk her home almost all the way and dropping such great lines like "you know with every step i literally do i walk closer into the friendzone".

So, yeah, Im not even really nagging here, I just wanted to state that constantly dating and getting reactions like this makes it harder to retain a high ego. Next date.. sunday, gotta do something for my precious esteem today to prepare.
 
I was hanging out with my old fling I mentioned and we went out and ran into my ex-coworker because she works there, and hugged her and chatted with both girls.

I text her saying it was nice randomly seeing you! and she goes "ha ha yeah I was really was you look good tess3ract"

DTF or DTF?
 
Tess3ract said:
I was hanging out with my old fling I mentioned and we went out and ran into my ex-coworker because she works there, and hugged her and chatted with both girls.

I text her saying it was nice randomly seeing you! and she goes "ha ha yeah I was really was you look good tess3ract"

DTF or DTF?
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She both.
 
Tess3ract said:
I hope so, i've wanted her for years, she's a hottie. plus jew noses make me mellllllllt
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Get on that then, bro. Be like, I like your nose, lets fuck.

But seriously. Talk to her more. The worst she could say is "no".

On another topic.

My sex crazed ex fiancee sent another message through draw something. I dont give a fuck really so I'm just seeing what kind of game shes playing here, she put "Dont make fun of my awesome drawing :) lol". This is hilarious. She has no idea that I know she cheated on me with multiple guys. hmmmm.

Im kind of drunk now so I'm rambling. lol
 
Redux said:
My brother's theory is to fish for a "friendzone", dip in fully, and slowly flirt his way out and blossom.
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Seems scummy as fuck. Something about that either screams a lack of confidence or a really strange sense of over-confidence. I can't really put my finger on it.

Be direct. You waste less time on putting yourself into the friendzone and trying to emotionally gamble your way out.
 
Branson said:
Get on that then, bro. Be like, I like your nose, lets fuck.

But seriously. Talk to her more. The worst she could say is "no".

On another topic.

My sex crazed ex fiancee sent another message through draw something. I dont give a fuck really so I'm just seeing what kind of game shes playing here, she put "Dont make fun of my awesome drawing :) lol". This is hilarious. She has no idea that I know she cheated on me with multiple guys. hmmmm.

Im kind of drunk now so I'm rambling. lol
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Did you answer her?
 
I don't know if it's just the come down from the drugs the night before, or the hangover, but last night I witnessed how truly shit single life is.

Got with 2 girls, didn't get their digits, didn't actually want to either, they were so slutty. On a normal night the average single guy would consider getting off with 2 birds a success, but I just think what the fuck is the point?

All the girls in this city are such "party girls" as well, really don't want to go out with any of them. I think I honestly just prefer being in a relationship...*sighs*
 
Smelly Tramp said:
I don't know if it's just the come down from the drugs the night before, or the hangover, but last night I witnessed how truly shit single life is.

Got with 2 girls, didn't get their digits, didn't actually want to either, they were so slutty. On a normal night the average single guy would consider getting off with 2 birds a success, but I just think what the fuck is the point?

All the girls in this city are such "party girls" as well, really don't want to go out with any of them. I think I honestly just prefer being in a relationship...*sighs*
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Just stop going to parties like that. You can meet better women on campus daily, and you know they're going to be somewhat smarter than the average bar hopper since they're studying.

Seriously; I'm ugly as hell but I get dates just by asking out girls I see in the quad. Sure, I get shot down all the time, but who cares, life's too short to mope over a loss.

I'm assuming you're a student here, but even if you're not, there's more "intellectual" ways to meet women. Try taking classes, like yoga, cooking, hell even book clubs. It may not get you the dream woman but it'll at least give you more opportunities.
 
Branson said:
I envy people who have never had a long term relationship, and or have it end. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble, anymore.
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Why? :( Its the best thing ever.


highluxury said:
Im quite happy having an open relationship. It brings minimal consequences of getting hurt emotionally, while still being grateful for having a mutual understanding for one another. You can still care for one another, in a different way.
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I know it works for a lot of people, but something like this wouldn't work for me. Open relationships seem like they would produce a lot of unnecessary drama and potential for hurt. Once you let other people into your relationship it seems like the relationship loses value. I dunno.
 
Branson said:
Get on that then, bro. Be like, I like your nose, lets fuck.

But seriously. Talk to her more. The worst she could say is "no".
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I have been talking to her on fb and it seems to be going well, I just want to spend time with her before I go "yo, i really like you"

shanshan310 said:
Why? :( Its the best thing ever.


I know it works for a lot of people, but something like this wouldn't work for me. Open relationships seem like they would produce a lot of unnecessary drama and potential for hurt. Once you let other people into your relationship it seems like the relationship loses value. I dunno.
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I can't do open relationships either because I value sex as something intimate you do with a person, like it isn't special, everyone has sex. But "sharing" your SO with others isn't something I can be okay with.
 
Meet this girl for the first time yesterday. Been chatting to her online and text for a few weeks. She texted me like 2 hours before we were meant to meet saying she really didn't feel like going into the city(she's like 45 mins drive from it) I thought she was flaking but we switched it to just going to the movies which is a lot closer. It was fine, though a bit awkward. She's pretty shy in person so it might have been best that we weren't at a bar or having dinner. I'm good at conversations when the other person is, I'm kinda bad when they don't say much.

I went in for a kiss at the end on the night and got the cheek at the very last second so it was a half lip kiss. lol. Not sure if it's because she was shy, wasn't expecting a cheek kiss or didn't want too(though from her texts she'd have wanted it). Maybe next time to break up the shyness we'll do something in a group so it can take the 1 on 1 pressure off a bit until she(and I guess me as well a bit) can feel more comfortable.

Anyway, went ok overall but I need to be a bit more confidence still. Her shyness seemed to bring out mine which I really wasn't expecting.
 
Darklord said:
Meet this girl for the first time yesterday. Been chatting to her online and text for a few weeks. She texted me like 2 hours before we were meant to meet saying she really didn't feel like going into the city(she's like 45 mins drive from it) I thought she was flaking but we switched it to just going to the movies which is a lot closer. It was fine, though a bit awkward. She's pretty shy in person so it might have been best that we weren't at a bar or having dinner. I'm good at conversations when the other person is, I'm kinda bad when they don't say much.

I went in for a kiss at the end on the night and got the cheek at the very last second so it was a half lip kiss. lol. Not sure if it's because she was shy, wasn't expecting a cheek kiss or didn't want too(though from her texts she'd have wanted it). Maybe next time to break up the shyness we'll do something in a group so it can take the 1 on 1 pressure off a bit until she(and I guess me as well a bit) can feel more comfortable.

Anyway, went ok overall but I need to be a bit more confidence still. Her shyness seemed to bring out mine which I really wasn't expecting.
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Movies are pretty much always going to be awkward for a first date anyway. Do something activity based. The whole walk and an ice cream somewhere nice sound like good first dates.
 
wormstrangler said:
Movies are pretty much always going to be awkward for a first date anyway. Do something activity based. The whole walk and an ice cream somewhere nice sound like good first dates.
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Well it was the only thing I could think of that was close on a freezing cold, rainy night and I didn't want to cancel.
 
ianp622 said:
Can't an invitation to your place be seen as too direct for a first date?
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She was kinda nervous at meeting up so I didn't want to be too direct. I mean awkwardness aside it went well I think. Nothing bad happened, I didn't say anything dumb, she seemed fine, the kiss at the end would have made you cringe but fuck it I wasn't leaving without at least trying. I need to relax more, get more confidence. For some reason it seems like some days I have unbreakable confidence and other days I fall back to my shy self.
 
Branson said:
She actually just text me that she'll get the money to me today. I told her I'd like to do it outside of work and she said that would be no problem. Going to tell her I know about her cheating on me.
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I wouldn't even bother. Just get the money and run never to speak to her again.
 
Branson said:
She actually just text me that she'll get the money to me today. I told her I'd like to do it outside of work and she said that would be no problem. Going to tell her I know about her cheating on me.
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If you're thinking that will be a way of getting back at her it won't work. It will just cause unnecessary drama and more pain for you. Best to just get it over as quickly as possible and forget about her.
 
Here's a question I've been wondering about that probably relates to a lot of different things: Is it likely that women can pick up when you're not that into them, even if you're pretty subtle and you're the kind of amiable person that's sorta into everyone?

Also, is it possible that a lot of less attractive girls are also mental cases of some kind? I seem to have the best relationships with girls who are the most attractive, but I also have been wondering if it's a reflection of my own interest in them.

Finally, I'm still feeling like I'm too shallow and I'm on the brink of just only bothering with girls I think are super hot and spending the rest of my time in my own interests // with friends...


Not bragging, but the point is there isn't THAT MANY attractive girls and I might get a date with one on a many monthly basis, rather than more regularly. I feel like 1%-5% of women appeal to me at all, depending on where I am. I guess I shouldn't get into the perceived rarity thing, but I think I may be too shallow.
 
How would I look like the bad guy? I don't want to get back at her. She couldn't do any more to hurt me than she already has. I was just going to say that "I know what you did behind my back last fall", or something like that. Nothing she's going to say or do will make it hurt more than it has.

You guys seriously wouldn't say you knew if you had the chance? Thats a long and fucked up thing to do to someone to NOT say that you at least know.

So another thing, she's trying to keep her image up, a week after our break up she put a new picture up and some guy jokingly said it looked slutty and she erased their convo on the pic.

Actually I'm going to see if she brings it up first. I doubt it though.
 
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