Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
D
Deleted member 81567
Unconfirmed Member
Thanks chinner, ill buy you lunch
What the duck...
YoYo Switch
Banned
I suppose that was the only logical conclusion to these threads.
Well, you should post more to encourage the guys that need help in this thread.
And while alcohol solves many problems it also tends to cause lots too, so I generally don't suggest it for anyone who needs confidence.
Well the girl that never replied after I gave her my number... I was on earlier and our match percentage is now 99% so I sent her another message and we ended up shooting a lot more messages back and forth, but again it was only small talk.
I guess this is odd for me because I have never had internet conversation with strangers that I eventually wanted to meet. Perhaps she is the same and is hesitant to progress to texting or w/e.
Any advice on how to move forward?
I guess this is odd for me because I have never had internet conversation with strangers that I eventually wanted to meet. Perhaps she is the same and is hesitant to progress to texting or w/e.
Any advice on how to move forward?
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Make the move and ask if she's interested, it's not going to kill you and remember it'll be the same result if she said no so it's just the same as if you didn't ask but she'll be flattered that you did most likely
ToyMachine228
Member
Quoting again to see if someone will give me their take. Right now I'm leaning toward calling her this weekend and seeing if she wants to hang out. I'll leave a voice mail if she doesn't pick up. But if I don't hear back from this, I'll likely be moving on, even though I don't really want to.
If she's not responding to you, she obviously has other things that are more important.
This can include her own problems, or, more likely, another guy (if she's as hot as you say).
Sorry, dude. Probability leans towards you are not really a priority to her. Quit now before you come across as desperate.
ToyMachine228
Member
Oh, there is most definitely another guy. She came out and told me she started "hanging out" with someone else recently right in the beginning when I asked her, but still suggested that we get together. I took this as "I'll give you a chance". I'm just not sure if I should try reaching out again, and if I do now, or a little bit down the road.
Whenever a girl "has a guy" it either means she has a boyfriend and is testing the waters to see if anyone else is better, or it means she's got a list of guys she's considering for boyfriend status.
Time to give it up, man. Whoever he is, she's picked him. Why torture yourself by needing to hear her say he's better?
Hmmm. I've been thinking this is what I need to say, but I'm having trouble being smooth about it.Make the move and ask if she's interested, it's not going to kill you and remember it'll be the same result if she said no so it's just the same as if you didn't ask but she'll be flattered that you did most likely
Like, I would want to mix it in with inviting her to do something in a decently populated activity like a science museum or art walk in downtown metro area. But, the fact that there was no receptiveness when I gave her my number is what is making me hesitant.
ToyMachine228
Member
Because, I am better? And I know that I can establish that by actually getting to hang out with her. It's just getting there that's the problem. Even though she's the one who suggested that we hang out, despite her recently starting to "hang out" with someone. I feel like I am one of those guys who she is willing to test for boyfriend status. All I need to do, is get her to actually hang out, which she's stated she wants to do. I just don't want to over/under do it. I just want to get there and make sure I don't fuck it up.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
After a few go-nowhere dates in the last few months I have my first date that I think could actually turn into something interesting today. Wish me luck!
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
"Hey there "name", I was wondering if you would like to go out and do something with me the next time you are free. I like you a lot and it feels great talking to you and make me smile. I hope you love to do more and see what happens
"There you go, text her that so it's on a fair ground on what she wants to do. She'll be happy to see such a nice flattering message
Good luck my man I wish you all the best! Remember that you're going to have plenty of these so don't worry if it doesn't end the way you like it so just be yourself and relax
If you were the one to contact her last (twice, it sounds like), then the ball's in her court. A third time just makes you look desperate, which is an instant turnoff. So I'd be really careful about contacting her again...
"Hey there "name", I was wondering if you would like to go out and do something with me the next time you are free. I like you a lot and it feels great talking to you and make me smile. I hope you love to do more and see what happens
There you go, text her that so it's on a fair ground on what she wants to do. She'll be happy to see such a nice flattering message
Despite the 20+ messages sent to one another, she still hasn't told me her name (she knows mine) or texted me, so I don't have her number (but she has mine).
But apart from that, that gives me a good idea of how to go about it. Thanks!
Also, Technomancer: GOOD LUUUUUUUCK
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Lunch. When in doubt go with "do you want to grab lunch sometime?"
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Hope it goes well my man. I've got my date in an hour and a half and can't wait to have a nice meal with her and spend the rest of the night talking and then going back to my place.
As another tip, when you plan to go on a date with someone try to avoid making a lot of depth conversation if you are texting on the phone or online. It's much better to do that in person so you have a lot to talk about and having a better conversation doing so
Hope it goes well my man. I've got my date in an hour and a half and can't wait to have a nice meal with her and spend the rest of the night talking and then going back to my place.
As another tip, when you plan to go on a date with someone try to avoid making a lot of depth conversation if you are texting on the phone or online. It's much better to do that in person so you have a lot to talk about and having a better conversation doing so
Yeah, that's another fear is getting all the small talk done online, but then meeting in person and have nothing to talk about because we discussed all the pleasantries. haha
I eat like a dinosaur. Plus, it's like an hour drive where she lives, I was hoping for a longer activity if the drive was going to be that long. Even if we met in the middle (which is what I was thinking for the downtown metro activities).
The Incarnation
Member
Nothing is going to be good if communication between you starts off as shoddy as that.
Out of town next week = bs excuse # 203
That was my first thought, especially when she didn't suggest an alternate meetup timeframe.
I just replied saying that if she's ever free that she can hit me up, so I'll leave the ball in her court for now.
Sounds like it. Reminds me of how it was seemingly impossible to even text message me, let alone meet up, for two weeks just because graduation was coming up :lol
yeah, that's some bogus shit too. If a girl is interested, she should text and chat.
Tell me about it. Graduation was about three weeks ago, not a word in five. Might've thought a bit much about this :lol Anyway, I don't have her number anymore anyway so. Still weird though, like I've said before, she contacted me and said she wanted to see me and she certainly didn't mind being cozy in bed for a few hours that same night
BobsRevenge
I do not avoid women, GAF, but I do deny them my essence.
And it can't be said enough.
i luv you chinner
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Well I am drunk and the date with the red head was nice. Not what I was looking for but at least she like to use me for some fun but I dont know. I m going to see how this night goes as I am surounded by nice chicks. I wish I found someone who had things in common and the only one who did was my fucked up ex. Jesus, I wish I was 100% happy. Such is life in England haha. Damn. I am drunk.
I had 3 dates with a girl and I've decided I'm not that into her. She's real nice and all, just not exactly what I'm looking for. She's pretty easy going (aka not obsessed with me or anything) and it's clear we're still in the 'just going on dates' stage and are not an actual couple.
What would be the best way to handle letting her down easy without just flat out saying "im not into you"?
Note: all we have done is kissed, nothing further. So by Seinfeld rules I already know in-person is not required.
That's hard enough as it is since we live over an hour away.
What would be the best way to handle letting her down easy without just flat out saying "im not into you"?
Note: all we have done is kissed, nothing further. So by Seinfeld rules I already know in-person is not required.
That's hard enough as it is since we live over an hour away.Summary of past two weeks:
1. A couple weeks ago I found out that the co-worker I had really strong feelings for went out with another guy. That same day however I met a woman who was interest in me.
2. At first I was too strong with the woman. I'm studying for the bar exam and so is she. However, I took it slower and she warmed up to me.
3. However I could not take me mind off my co-worker. I really liked her. I eventually told the situation to another co-worker this past Mon. From Tuesday to around Thursday the co-worker I liked was really nice to me.
4. On Thursday I overheard the co-worker say bad things about me and got really mad when she approached me. She said stuff "No I didn't say anything bad about baby" "There is nothing wrong with us".
5. At that point I told her my feelings and I walked her home. I told her I've had feelings for her for a few months. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship but she asked to go hang out with her for shisha(smoke a middle eastern water pipe).
6. I then said something I seriously regret. I told her about the woman at school that I have a chance with but my heart really wanted the co-worker so I chose my heart. Stupid move.
7. After I dropped my co-worker I realize that I had no actual feelings or interest for the other woman so when I arrived at school I told her. She did not want to believe me and told me to embrace what I have now. She even said come back after five or six days and see her. She said we could be friends.
8. I explain the situation to my friend and also my sister. They told me give both women and yourself some space to digest what happen. Thursday was a really bad day for me.
9. On Friday, I had no intention of running into my co-worker but I did. The first time it was on break and we both talked to each other while walking out of the building. She stopped to get coffee and she told me to see you later. Later we were together in a room and she initiated conversations. I didn't try to initiate anything but she was willing to talk to me.
10.Toward the end of the day I told her I'll take her up on that shisha offer.
11. Today I told the story to my therapist. He said what was purpose of telling her about the other woman because in many ways I was being manipulative. I feel bad because that might have cost me a chance with my co-worker. He did however told me so you made a mistake and next time you know better. He also told me to go hang out with my co-worker because although it may never be a dating relationship, i need exposure to relationships. He also said study for the bar!
12. I have not contacted or talked to other woman. I feel sorry that I broke her heart. She seemed to have self esteem issues. I did it because as my friend said the co-worker didn't shut the door entirely but she ever ask you about the other woman you don't want to still be friends with her. Also I don't want that woman to believe that she still has a chance for a relationship when I have no intention or interest with her. I was just using her as a mechanism to get over my co-worker(And failed miserably).
Questions:
1. When should I bring up the hanging out part with my co-worker? I was thinking Wed. saying something like "are you still up for hanging out?" NOTE: It was spur of the moment so I never set up a certain day to hang out with her just the weekend. I was planning to tell let's hang out Friday after work.
2. What do I do about the other woman.? I feel bad that I broke her heart but I can't see any good in stringing her along. Also if I still have a chance however feint with my co-worker I don't want that to be an issue.
3. Do I have any chance left with my co-worker? If not at least I can still be friends with her. It till hurts though.
IN CONCLUSION
I was manipulative and messed up really bad. Now I might have lost a chance at who I want to have a relationship with while using someone else and then crushing her heart.
I feel awful.
Need advice
1. A couple weeks ago I found out that the co-worker I had really strong feelings for went out with another guy. That same day however I met a woman who was interest in me.
2. At first I was too strong with the woman. I'm studying for the bar exam and so is she. However, I took it slower and she warmed up to me.
3. However I could not take me mind off my co-worker. I really liked her. I eventually told the situation to another co-worker this past Mon. From Tuesday to around Thursday the co-worker I liked was really nice to me.
4. On Thursday I overheard the co-worker say bad things about me and got really mad when she approached me. She said stuff "No I didn't say anything bad about baby" "There is nothing wrong with us".
5. At that point I told her my feelings and I walked her home. I told her I've had feelings for her for a few months. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship but she asked to go hang out with her for shisha(smoke a middle eastern water pipe).
6. I then said something I seriously regret. I told her about the woman at school that I have a chance with but my heart really wanted the co-worker so I chose my heart. Stupid move.
7. After I dropped my co-worker I realize that I had no actual feelings or interest for the other woman so when I arrived at school I told her. She did not want to believe me and told me to embrace what I have now. She even said come back after five or six days and see her. She said we could be friends.
8. I explain the situation to my friend and also my sister. They told me give both women and yourself some space to digest what happen. Thursday was a really bad day for me.
9. On Friday, I had no intention of running into my co-worker but I did. The first time it was on break and we both talked to each other while walking out of the building. She stopped to get coffee and she told me to see you later. Later we were together in a room and she initiated conversations. I didn't try to initiate anything but she was willing to talk to me.
10.Toward the end of the day I told her I'll take her up on that shisha offer.
11. Today I told the story to my therapist. He said what was purpose of telling her about the other woman because in many ways I was being manipulative. I feel bad because that might have cost me a chance with my co-worker. He did however told me so you made a mistake and next time you know better. He also told me to go hang out with my co-worker because although it may never be a dating relationship, i need exposure to relationships. He also said study for the bar!
12. I have not contacted or talked to other woman. I feel sorry that I broke her heart. She seemed to have self esteem issues. I did it because as my friend said the co-worker didn't shut the door entirely but she ever ask you about the other woman you don't want to still be friends with her. Also I don't want that woman to believe that she still has a chance for a relationship when I have no intention or interest with her. I was just using her as a mechanism to get over my co-worker(And failed miserably).
Questions:
1. When should I bring up the hanging out part with my co-worker? I was thinking Wed. saying something like "are you still up for hanging out?" NOTE: It was spur of the moment so I never set up a certain day to hang out with her just the weekend. I was planning to tell let's hang out Friday after work.
2. What do I do about the other woman.? I feel bad that I broke her heart but I can't see any good in stringing her along. Also if I still have a chance however feint with my co-worker I don't want that to be an issue.
3. Do I have any chance left with my co-worker? If not at least I can still be friends with her. It till hurts though.
IN CONCLUSION
I was manipulative and messed up really bad. Now I might have lost a chance at who I want to have a relationship with while using someone else and then crushing her heart.
I feel awful.
Need advice
An alright night.
Some insanely cute girl stood next to me in the bar, and asked if I was getting a drink... I should've spoke more with her, but I never know what to say "so do you come here often?" I dunno. I suck at this.
I only ever seem to feel more able to do something the more I drink, but even then I'm pathetic at it.
I did have a small conversation with some girl at the bus stop as I was going home, but nothing special.
Sorry if I'm not making much sense, I've had a bit to drink.
Some insanely cute girl stood next to me in the bar, and asked if I was getting a drink... I should've spoke more with her, but I never know what to say "so do you come here often?" I dunno. I suck at this.
I only ever seem to feel more able to do something the more I drink, but even then I'm pathetic at it.
I did have a small conversation with some girl at the bus stop as I was going home, but nothing special.
Sorry if I'm not making much sense, I've had a bit to drink.
Devolution
Member
Wrong thread.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
hahaha holy shit!
Devolution
Member
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Oh boy.
Masturbate, and then read through this post and let us know if you still feel the same way.
You're making a lot of sense and you're having solid progress, I can tell. Not so long ago, you never went out in the first place, right?
As for having something to say, talk about WHATEVER. An example from my evening is a group of three girls. We were having a silly open sets competition (which I'm against with all my heart) and we approached this group with the honest intent of asking for a light. After getting said light from one of the girls, we kept the conversation going by simply asking them questions. Not the regular stuff mind you, but about how their night was going, whether or not they were having fun tonight, what did they do last night (Midsummer's eve, so valid question) and so on. From there it was easy to keep it going since they kept giving us new material to ask about or tease them for. What Brent says is so true, keep it light and fun, be a conduit for them to escape from their boring normal lives. Everything below happened because of this.In said group, there was this very attractive and tall semi blonde girl (20 years old, we found out). We discovered that we were both interested in her but she took a liking to me apparently so I kept the conversation going about all kinds of things. It's honestly a blur right now because I ended up hanging out with her for at least two hours. We ended up on the dancefloor together and things turned sexual pretty fast so I knew I could spin her around to face me so I could kiss her. Up until then, I had no real clue whether or not she was single or interested in me but since we kept kissing for the rest of the night, I suppose she liked it xD 20 minutes to closing, she drops the bomb though. She had already arranged for a lift home so she couldn't come home with me. I didn't mind at all, but that was apparently code talk for hooking up on the club toilet instead. So we did, and it was awful :lol Achievement unlocked I guess but geez, public toilet with less than 2 square meters of space and lots of drunks outside wondering wtf was going on is not optimal xD So the chances of ever hearing from her again feel minimal to be honest. But alas, I'm not bothered by it right now
I had a great time in general and would've had even if that had not happened. I have seen this girl around a few times before and I've been curious about her ever since so it's more than nice to know that I could attract someone so clearly "out of my league" if you believe in such things. God knows, that's something I've needed to see with my own eyes for a LONG time.Edit: I have to mention, on Thursday I got to hear the Skrillex remix of Avicii's Levels, which is a rare occasion downtown. And tonight I got to hear both The Reptile Mortal Kombat remix and First of the Year. I was ecstatic!
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Got back home and now feel a bit down because I am A) Drunk and B) the date was nice but she wasn't really what I thought she would be and not the person I need. I shouldn't complain if I had a fun time last night with a random girl but I still feel a bit cold inside like if things are a bit pointless because I've not found the right person for me. Silly I know, it's a matter of time and I should know all this when I give advice and try to help people out. A drunk Gareth is a random mood Gareth!
Focus on your bar exam. String along the relationship with the girl taking the bar exam until it's over. Keep her happy and her mood stable. She doesn't need love triangle bullshit when she's at the very end of her education. After it's over dump her if you're still not interested in her.
What about my co-worker? She actually is the one I'm to hang out with.
Little story to laugh at here.
So, was in my buddies dorm during the day just hanging out when this girl that went to a party with us the night before comes in. She spots me, comes over and sits in my lap. She's really pretty, half black half Puerto Rican.
Anyways, my friend finding it really amusing turns around and says," Let's talk about what is going on here." So, for the next hour I am stuck while she talks about how hot I am and how she wants to fuck me.
Now my buddy was getting a real kick out of this as were our other friends in the room. Me I am hung-over from the night before not really paying attention.
So the girl leaves, but comes back later in the night when we are all drinking. Sits in the chair with me. The entire night she either has her hands up my shirt rubbing my chest and back, or massaging my thighs. All the while telling me the things she'd do to me if we were alone.
Now I don't know why, but for some reason I felt as if I was the butt of a joke the entire time. In hindsight I was just an oblivious idiot.
So, was in my buddies dorm during the day just hanging out when this girl that went to a party with us the night before comes in. She spots me, comes over and sits in my lap. She's really pretty, half black half Puerto Rican.
Anyways, my friend finding it really amusing turns around and says," Let's talk about what is going on here." So, for the next hour I am stuck while she talks about how hot I am and how she wants to fuck me.
Now my buddy was getting a real kick out of this as were our other friends in the room. Me I am hung-over from the night before not really paying attention.
So the girl leaves, but comes back later in the night when we are all drinking. Sits in the chair with me. The entire night she either has her hands up my shirt rubbing my chest and back, or massaging my thighs. All the while telling me the things she'd do to me if we were alone.
Now I don't know why, but for some reason I felt as if I was the butt of a joke the entire time. In hindsight I was just an oblivious idiot.
- Status