electricshake
Member
Just ask her if she wants to go out for a drink or coffee.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Just ask her if she wants to go out for a drink or coffee.
If she's shy then a movie date is perfect, I disagree that movies are bad for a first date. It's really painful for a shy person, male or female, to sit in front of someone head on and have to talk about yourself or listen for a whole night. A dark theater can be her comfort zone and she won't feel like you're someone who wants to make her feel uncomfortable.
Just text her and say "Lets go see XYZ on XYZday", then close your eyes and enjoy the adrenaline rush I'm sure you'll get waiting for the response. "OMG, is she gonna tell me to fuck off?!"
CrushDance
Banned
Fuck you, lol.
Here's the sad part though guys. Like I said earlier, we talked about a lot of things and I gauged what she's seen...and she's seen everything this summer. By herself. So have I. I wanted to ask her to TDKR. The other option was asking her over to my place, but I think that'd send the wrong message(I want to take that part slow myself) and I too am woefully shy about bringing a girl into my room. O_O
I like the library idea though. Would work nicely I think. There is nothing wrong with that right? I just don't see it as "romantic" though. Neither of us drinks as well.
maquiladora
Member
Is there any theaters nearby that show older movies? Back to the Future, Goonies etc. something fun?
If you go with the library option, you're not just going to say "well seeya" when you're done in the library, you can walk and talk as you leave to go somewhere else, somewhere for food or a coffee, or if she is getting a bus/train, then walk with her back to there and talk on the way.
CrushDance
Banned
I probably would, haha. j/k. I guess this is just about spending time together and getting to know one another. We're not "dating" yet or anything right? So it shouldn't matter too much?
I'll get back to you guys when I'm back from work. Thanks for the advice all!
SleepyJohn11
Member
Another weekend together:
Friday night, I cooked us some dinner and spent the night watching another movie. Yesterday, we just attended a mutual friend's Beach BBQ, but we ending bailing out to go exploring the beach. That was when we started holding hands in public.
I'm still in disbelief on how it just happened and how casually it happened. But yeah: "Don't over-think and enjoy the moment". This is just all new to me.
Friday night, I cooked us some dinner and spent the night watching another movie. Yesterday, we just attended a mutual friend's Beach BBQ, but we ending bailing out to go exploring the beach. That was when we started holding hands in public.
I'm still in disbelief on how it just happened and how casually it happened. But yeah: "Don't over-think and enjoy the moment". This is just all new to me.
windowlurker
Banned
I personally don't wear any shirts with text on them. I am not 17 anymore, wearing ironic tshirts, and band shirts.
maquiladora
Member
T shirts. Serious business.
I'm sure the people at the old folks' home find you very non-threatening.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Told you guys I was gonna crack! Contacted Robin today. We're talking again.
You sound proud of the fact that you cracked.
(first breakup never takes)
bitizenbon
Banned
How do I stop myself from having feelings for/wanting to get intimate with my female roommate?
wormstrangler
Banned
bitizenbon
Banned
We're both single, but I am not sure if she is into me. There have been many hints pointed out by friends regarding the possibility of a mutual attraction, and I myself don't see that being far-fetched, but I am just not sure if it's worth making our AMAZING friendship awkward.
You answered yourself. If you believe that having something with her will make things awkward, don't it. I mean, she lives with you, you'll see her almost every day.
wormstrangler
Banned
Don't friends make the best partners?
I've had 2 flings/relationships from house mates. One ended badly but the other is still going and turned into a nice relationship.
Not so bad odds really.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Agreed...there's a certain age where that stuff starts looking just plain silly, imo.
I think you should watch "When Harry Met Sally"...
Honestly, for me it's hard to see myself not taking a chance on a friend anymore. I have 2 best friends (who are guys). I have a lot of other friends, but in the end, most of them will come and go due to life circumstances. As much as I think friendship is a wonderful thing, risking one single friendship to see if there's something more there isn't that terrible. The fear of losing something we have is much greater than the actual disappointment of losing it.
The fact that you live together gives me a little pause, but I don't know, man. If you dig her, I would say go for it.
To follow up on my story from last night, does anyone have any experience with/advice for contacting girls that are from out of town? I was happy to receive a text from her this morning -- the fact that she did so implies her sober self is interested like her inebriated self was. She goes to school 5+ hours away from me, so I have no desire to attempt to build a "relationship" somehow. But it'd be nice to keep the option of meeting her again open, in case I end up near her school at some point or she visits my city again.
So I had a good date with a girl from okcupid today. She seemed to enjoy herself and I certainly did. How long is a solid wait before I ask to set up a second date? I talked to her a bit after the date, just telling her I enjoyed it, and have pretty much not said anything else to give her some space. What do you guys think?
bitizenbon
Banned
We met at the beginning of the year in college, and then we instantly became great friends that started going out to eat together and doing things together all the time. Eventually, we decided to move in with each other in a 2 bedroom because our other housing plans weren't working out for the summer.
I like her a lot and I'm hella physically attracted to her. I can't see myself being in a serious relationship, so a pretend one would be satisfying, because there would be no commitment and no pressure. I also wouldn't mind a fling with her, as I think it could be very passionate and an amazing experience for both of us.
I like her a lot and I'm hella physically attracted to her. I can't see myself being in a serious relationship, so a pretend one would be satisfying, because there would be no commitment and no pressure. I also wouldn't mind a fling with her, as I think it could be very passionate and an amazing experience for both of us.
Wat. A pretend one? If you're not into the idea of an actual relationship with this girl, don't bother. High chance you'll make the living situation awkward.
maybe a day or two... but don't wait too long. Just say something like, "I had an awesome time and would love to go out with you again. How about.... " and say your plans.
One thing to keep in mind with online dating is that girls usually have other dates lined up and will keep doing so until they have a good feeling about one of them. If you wait too long, she may find a connection with some other guy.
Have fun being hurt again.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I actually don't care as much this time. I figured out how to control my obsessions over one girl. Don't be monogamous with one girl unless we are officially an exclusive couple. I used to put all my effort into one girl at a time and wouldn't even think about other girls, even if we've just had one date.
I'm turning into an octopus, stretching as many tentacles out as I can. I'm getting a number about every few days.
I currently have three dates lined up. Including the Victorville girl, which is this weekend. She and I had a two hour conversation yesterday.
This is helping me a lot. Instead of putting all of my effort into one girl and overdoing it, I can spread myself out properly and not obsess over one of them.
If things get serious with one and we become exclusive, then I'll cut contact with the others and give her my attention.
Regarding the ex, she's in the same group as the others. Starting over again.
In total, I'm talking to about five girls right now, well, six if you include an unsolicited message I got earlier today from an attractive local girl that I haven't returned yet.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Huh?
SlipperySlope
Banned
If your advise is to not date due to my issues, well, I've tried the no dating thing for like six years. Know what it got me? Nothing. My issues are deep, I know that. But I don't think anything can ever really fix me, so why not try to find a girl who can accept me for who I am?
SlipperySlope, Im glad you are getting back out there. This is good and is the beginning of the healing process. That said, this sounds more like a desperate attempt to get over her. Like a drowing person flailing around. I doubt you are comfortable being on your own and you are trying to fill the void. (In other words, rebound).
Judging from your previous posts, I just don't think it is possible that you are over your ex and don't feel any feelings for her.
You really do need to go No Contact. If not, I don't care how many women in the world you are talking to, you are still going to be hurt when she throws it back in your face that she is dating someone else, or at the very least, still doesn't want to be with you.
But godspeed dude, I hope you feel better.
Right, so why talk to the ex? She clearly didn't because she ended it.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Because it isn't fair to the girl. I am not saying to be single forever but you need to work on YOU. Seriously. You dating a woman before you fix these issues is quite selfish IMO.
Vermillion
Banned
Then, either you destroy her throughout the relationship or go into a deep depression and commit suicide after it ends. Or both.
Your life.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
"I can't fix my problems, so I'll just throw them on someone else and let them deal with it. If they can't handle it, we weren't meant to be together!"
It was a long term, meaningful relationship.
whenever i read something by slipperyslope or the combine clones, i always really question if they're actually being truthful or just distorting the facts. they always have some kind of warped view of reality where they're the unquestionably broken, all girls hate them and they're in constant pity mode.
SlipperySlope
Banned
I say things how I see them.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Do you honestly think that it isn't incredibly selfish to try and date somebody even with having the issues you currently do? And no, just because she is willing to (if she is) put up with it doesn't make it right.
Vermillion
Banned
Right, one that she was able to walk away from.
Really, who doesn't depend on others? Who doesn't need these things? No one. I'm not excusing extremely weak behavior that is self-destructive, but the concept that people are completely free from social needs is spurious. You only ever hear that sort of talk from people whose social needs are being met (they're in a relationship or they're dating around / sleeping around / or something to that extent).
There is a point where you're happy with yourself & your life & how you are doing socially when not in a relationship, and that is stability. I don't think isolating one's self is good for anyone, just don't jump into a relationship and don't lead people on.
If someone can come up and say they haven't had sex in a year and haven't hugged a person and barely talked with anyone during all that time and they're happy I'd be willing to listen to them, it'd be interesting.
There is a point where you're happy with yourself & your life & how you are doing socially when not in a relationship, and that is stability. I don't think isolating one's self is good for anyone, just don't jump into a relationship and don't lead people on.
If someone can come up and say they haven't had sex in a year and haven't hugged a person and barely talked with anyone during all that time and they're happy I'd be willing to listen to them, it'd be interesting.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Nobody is saying that he should become a recluse and block himself off from society. What many of us are arguing is that he has many issues which he is aware of and has also made us aware of. Nobody is perfect but there are certain issues that are more problematic especially in a relationship than others. Rage, depression, obsessive behavior, low self esteem. These are all issues that simply make it almost unbearable for two people to get to know one another.
Pretty much.
Denial of the ability to be fixed is the biggest problem.
You can't get help if you don't seek it...
It's hard to know how crazy he really is or if he's just venting.
For once I agree with you
Vermillion
Banned
Nope, he admits he's not well. He also admits he believes a girl will cure him. Hence.
He sounds more like someone that needs to get out there and get grounded to reality by actually & connecting talking to people. That's my take anyways.
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