Just got into my first relationship as a 29 year old and that's basically how it went for me.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Just got into my first relationship as a 29 year old and that's basically how it went for me.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
That would be easier for someone who is young. For an older person too many "eventuallys" have already passed.
Heh. I don't know why you think im making this up. Alot of girls don't give a guy a chance. One quick look and they've decided already. No amount of game is going to change that.
You guys don't get it. Guys have tried and tried and females keep turning them down for stupid reasons thats explained in the youtube link. Manning up is useless.
And nobody said anything about not being happy with themselves.
Devolution
Member
And plenty of people in this very thread have or are in relationships Kung Fu so what does that tell you about the ever elusive female hmm?
Hi GAF.
I posted yesterday or the day before about my girlfriend saying she was in a funk and asking it it may be due to her birth control. She broke up with me today. She broke up with me, took one of our dogs, grabbed clothes out of the closet and walked out the door. We have been together for almost four years. She said she would be back on Sunday to talk about it. I cried like a baby the whole time. She said it was me and not her and that we wanted different things. I just wanted her. One year ago I moved 400 miles away from my home to be with her. I started a business here and now I am sitting here alone in the house we shared while she is going to see her family. I don't know what to do. We have four months of our lease left and I have a business here. I think I am going to have to shut everything down an move home. I am so goddamed embarrassed. My sister is coming to be with me but she won't be here until very late tonight. I'm just sad GAF, I was planning on marrying her. For now I am smoking a spliff and hugging my dog wishing I was back home with my real friends. In the back of my mind I am telling myself she will come back on Sunday and want to be with me but I know that is probably not true. I told so many people I was going to marry her.
I posted yesterday or the day before about my girlfriend saying she was in a funk and asking it it may be due to her birth control. She broke up with me today. She broke up with me, took one of our dogs, grabbed clothes out of the closet and walked out the door. We have been together for almost four years. She said she would be back on Sunday to talk about it. I cried like a baby the whole time. She said it was me and not her and that we wanted different things. I just wanted her. One year ago I moved 400 miles away from my home to be with her. I started a business here and now I am sitting here alone in the house we shared while she is going to see her family. I don't know what to do. We have four months of our lease left and I have a business here. I think I am going to have to shut everything down an move home. I am so goddamed embarrassed. My sister is coming to be with me but she won't be here until very late tonight. I'm just sad GAF, I was planning on marrying her. For now I am smoking a spliff and hugging my dog wishing I was back home with my real friends. In the back of my mind I am telling myself she will come back on Sunday and want to be with me but I know that is probably not true. I told so many people I was going to marry her.
why do you act like loneliness is only exclusive to guys? you think girls are immune to the same problems you're mentioning in this thread?
protip: they aren't.
I'll preface by saying I haven't kept up with the discussion, and this is just one study I read a few years ago and I'm not gonna bother searching for it now, but I did see a study that showed that "love shy" women have it easier in the dating world than men and are more likely to get married. Maybe somebody knows what study I'm talking about, I may have even originally seen it posted here.
Devolution
Member
She at least owes you an explanation.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Man, that is pretty brutal.
It is pretty sudden, but hopefully everything will be made clear when she returns to explain things.
My only advise is to wallow in your misery for some time, get high, eat pizza/icecream, and just let it all out. Just try not to ruin your life, because you will most likely get over this eventually - as unlikely as that might sound right now.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
My goodness, take some responsibility for goodness sake. There are men out there who are overweight, not good looking and are STILL doing great with women because unlike you, they actually go out there and be themselves and refuse to give up with the whole 'woe is me, ho hum' mentality. They don't blame an entire gender for their own issues. Quit being so weak about this. My goodness its ridiculous.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Jermaine Dupri got Janet Jackson. Harden the fuck up.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
The whole "average schmucks can't get 10s" thing isn't true... exceptionally attractive girls don't just come in one variety, and if it seems like they do you need to question whether its all of them, or just the ones you pick.
I've had a few occasions where insanely beautiful girls have asked me to dance and/or openly flirted with me, but because they were so pretty I got intimidated and blew it.
I've had a few occasions where insanely beautiful girls have asked me to dance and/or openly flirted with me, but because they were so pretty I got intimidated and blew it.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I bet all of us have an accurate mental image of Kung Fu Grip based on his whining.
That's why you're not getting girls, bro. You're a pathetic cliché. It's not the ladies' fault for not wanting to get with a loser.
That's why you're not getting girls, bro. You're a pathetic cliché. It's not the ladies' fault for not wanting to get with a loser.
Devolution
Member
It wouldn't surprise me if it is indeed harder and many men have my sympathy up until they start generalizing all women as this or that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR CLUBHOUSE
Dude, again your lack of experience is showing. Sure there's a lot of shallow guys and girls out there, but all but the most shallow people value a WHOLE LOT more than physical traits. Hottest girl I've ever known / dated needs a guy to be charitable, doing shit with his life. She got real serious with a guy that wasn't as physically attractive as me (he was still decent looking), because of how he was outside of physical traits (creative cooker, for one thing).
Not saying people shouldn't go for as much physical attraction as they can. Fitness, style, grooming, everything you can do, go for it, because it's actually some of the easiest stuff. Definitely no such thing as 'leagues'. You really believe the girls you think are hot every other GAFfer would agree are the hottest girls?
I have seen way too many really bad lookin guys with smoking hot girlfriends that didn't have money, exceptional personalities, or anything else going for them to believe any of that stuff anymore. I've seen the proof.
Furthermore I'm going to say when it comes to reasonably fit / same aged people, 90% of everyone are completely interchangeable attractiveness-wise. It comes down to preferences.
Tired of all this defeatist bullshit. If I can pull off the stuff I have, and seen the things I've seen, surely the rest of you can too.
Whatever scene you're dating around in it sounds really toxic to you. At the very least I suggest you take a break from there, unless you're happy with it.
Come on Minamu. You honestly believe that?
Devolution
Member
Given the couples I've seen yes. People can overcome what others consider ugly in other ways, be it money, confidence, etc. Plus attraction is so subjective. Being with a fun and interesting guy trumps other things for me. It's that way with a lot of women despite the debbie downers in this thread saying otherwise.
Howard Ballou
Member
Yup. You like what you like.
Yes I do. Not that long ago, I didn't believe it for a second. But that has all changed. I know that some of the things that I and cubsfan23 say seem like mumbo jumbo make-believe magic, for it used to feel like that for me too when I first started listening. But it's so true, all of it.
I mean, personally it never has ever worked for me, so I personally don't believe it, but if it's working out for you then I'm not going to hate, so good for you.
Devolution
Member
It's probably working for him because he's not letting himself be limited by nonsense.
Your beliefs are really important. I used to think phrases like 'you gotta believe' were bullshit. I really did, probably more than you.
Every single thing I believed, and I worked on believing, and I took REAL ACTION in correcting in my life (not just thinking about it), every single one of those things has come true. You not only can't give up. There are a lot of things I know in myself that I will NEVER give up (like fitness), it's just clear to me now. You have to know that no matter how many times, no matter how much it takes you will succeed, and then you will, after you've kept doing it over and over again and every small perceived failure you put behind you and keep going. That's how ANYTHING is done.
For me, just starting to believe in anything kind of came on randomly & out of desperation. But once one thing fell into place so did another and another, now it's just most everything, constantly. And I know the few things I'm still struggling with (unrelated to dating FWIW) are still mental blocks.
My brother weighs 370-380 pounds and has a girlfriend that's way less than half his weight. They just moved in together last month.
My other brother? Every time he loses a girlfriend, he gets a new one a month later. They don't care that he lives with his mom or dad. In fact, he's planning on being a house husband, and his last GF straight up told him he wouldn't be allowed to work, she was going to be bringing home the paycheck. He wants that type of relationship, women that want it find him.
If someone likes you, they're gonna like you. The relationship I've never seen hold up is where one partner is constantly riding the pity train that don't make no stops. Thinking someone owes you physical contact seems pretty.. something.
My other brother? Every time he loses a girlfriend, he gets a new one a month later. They don't care that he lives with his mom or dad. In fact, he's planning on being a house husband, and his last GF straight up told him he wouldn't be allowed to work, she was going to be bringing home the paycheck. He wants that type of relationship, women that want it find him.
If someone likes you, they're gonna like you. The relationship I've never seen hold up is where one partner is constantly riding the pity train that don't make no stops. Thinking someone owes you physical contact seems pretty.. something.
Thanks for the advice. I'm considering just leaving with my sister tomorrow and heading back home. She said she wanted to talk on Sunday but I'm not sure I want to be here... I might just leave and come back in a week to get my stuff. I work from home so that's not really an issue. I talked to one of my best friends for a while and I'm not sure if I would be willing to get back with her. This is essentially the second time this has happended to me with her.
ThisWreckage
Banned
You've got to get a rise out of women or you're toast. I'm not saying that you need to be a total dick, but you've got to pick on them playfully or be critical when they do or say something stupid or you're toast. It's like a challenge that goes off in their heads or something.
I agree with this, at least in most cases (the part about being toast otherwise), and even in the cases where maybe it doesn't matter so much I think it'll still spice stuff up. It's a hard thing to quantify, but it does establish your merit somehow, psychologically, and it usually only comes when you feel good about yourself and you're relaxed.
Be a challenge, not a pushover.
She's a human, you don't have to treat every stupid thing she says as if it has any merit.
You know, I got a protip early on that really helped me. I will share it with you.
Make a list of 5 things you like about yourself, write them down on paper then say them to yourself in the mirror every day. Then add 1 more every week. It can be anything, not just physical traits.
I said from the start I liked my nose and my chin and my hands and honestly I didn't get that far but thinking about myself that way really helped me in the long run.
It is as simple as this --> It is not working for you because you do not believe it. NOT the other way around. I've said it a million times, I used to be just like you man. The difference is that you're not willing to believe something new. It's understandable and human and all that, but it's also precisely why you are stuck at where you are. You are creating your own life every moment of every day, both with your actions AND your thoughts. Staying there is very comfy and cozy but it is possible to create something new!
Absolutely correct
First off, you need to stop talking like that. That is one of the major reasons why you are not seeing any girls in your life. Say the opposite and it will become your new reality and truth.
I think that's fairly normal.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
You wont until you stop seeing yourself as ugly.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Talking like what? Should I say that I'm handsome to myself? How's that going to help? I mean, even if I convinced myself of that, it's not going to change the way others perceive me.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
Glorified G
Member
You have no idea how other people perceive you.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
People perceive you the way you perceive yourself.
Yes, obviously I'm very desirable and wanted. And handsome to boot. That's why I'm alone on A Friday night.
Go out?
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
With your attitude its no surprise youre home on Friday.
ThisWreckage
Banned
An attitude can only take one but so far. Let's be reasonable here. There are way too many variables to blame this all on his attitude. Luck plays a part in all aspects in life, for one.
Devolution
Member
Keep up with them self-fulfilling prophecies and wonder why you don't get anywhere.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
"You will eventually become what you think. And you can't think one thing and become something else. If you allow yourself to think negative worried, fearful thoughts, then you will become a negative, worried, fearful person. You cannot think defeat and expect victory. You can't think poverty, and expect wealth. You can't think the worst, and expect the best."
You make your own value. Want to be desired and wanted? Make yourself valuable. No one has ever advertised a car saying, "Hey, this clunker is sure is a piece of shit!" or a diner saying "we make the most disgusting sandwich in town!"
Want people to want what you have to offer? Then advertise yourself to be of worth for once.
ThisWreckage
Banned
In other words, lie.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
In other words, don't call yourself shit.
Well, what if that's how I honestly feel about myself though?
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