Girl tells me she isn't interested in dating after her last boyfriend was a total dick and just wants to be free for a while. She then procedes to text me back and forth nonstop for six hours about anything and everything, which I know isn't something she usually does with people. She has also done this before, and I know she talks to me more than basically anyone else. Plus she talks to me about stuff that she'll only talk about with her best friend. Does she want me to be her boyfriend without the benefits or something?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
On the Friends list and not in a relationship with.
Pretty much. At least you'll have someone to text with, though. Maybe you could make other girls jealous by texting with her around them.
One girl can lead to many more girls!
It has worked in the past, so good point.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
I'm calling it quits on dating for a long, long while. Too much on my plate, not enough successes.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Damn lol. Added a girl I didn't know on FB and immediately asked her out and she said sure why not (complete with smiley faces if that helps context)
99% sure she will flake (not that I blame her unless she makes really specific plans; I'm a stranger afterall) but that was a pretty cool confidence boost! I gave her my number. Should I also give her days that I'm free?
99% sure she will flake (not that I blame her unless she makes really specific plans; I'm a stranger afterall) but that was a pretty cool confidence boost! I gave her my number. Should I also give her days that I'm free?
I have a perfect opportunity to talk to a girl in one of my classes and need some strategic advice.
She's a tennis player, and I write sports for the student newspaper. I've been assigned to do a preview for an issue next week on an upcoming tennis tournament. Naturally, I'm going to ask if I can meet up with her at her convenience to talk a little bit about the tournament. Perfect in.
The problem I'm having is that I don't want it to feel like a formal interview or anything. I'll be recording while asking questions to get material for my article, but I want work in some time to talk to her off the record (of course). I'm thinking maybe I could ask her to meet me for lunch and we can talk for a bit before getting to the interview, and then I'll ask her to hang out with me some other time and get her number if I don't get it in the course of making arrangements.
Two other things:
1) She's Australian. That's good since there won't be a communication barrier (most of the tennis players are from non-English speaking nations) and I love accents, but I figure she probably gets comments about it all the time. Should I avoid asking her about it?
2) While I was on the school's athletics website researching the team, I was looking at the roster and her profile says her interests include "playing Nintendo." Should I bring this up directly, or steer the conversation in a manner that she volunteers this information herself? I was thinking that, if things go well, I could ask her if she wants to play some games sometime.
What should my game plan be?
She's a tennis player, and I write sports for the student newspaper. I've been assigned to do a preview for an issue next week on an upcoming tennis tournament. Naturally, I'm going to ask if I can meet up with her at her convenience to talk a little bit about the tournament. Perfect in.
The problem I'm having is that I don't want it to feel like a formal interview or anything. I'll be recording while asking questions to get material for my article, but I want work in some time to talk to her off the record (of course). I'm thinking maybe I could ask her to meet me for lunch and we can talk for a bit before getting to the interview, and then I'll ask her to hang out with me some other time and get her number if I don't get it in the course of making arrangements.
Two other things:
1) She's Australian. That's good since there won't be a communication barrier (most of the tennis players are from non-English speaking nations) and I love accents, but I figure she probably gets comments about it all the time. Should I avoid asking her about it?
2) While I was on the school's athletics website researching the team, I was looking at the roster and her profile says her interests include "playing Nintendo." Should I bring this up directly, or steer the conversation in a manner that she volunteers this information herself? I was thinking that, if things go well, I could ask her if she wants to play some games sometime.
What should my game plan be?
I want an outside opinion.
I've been dating a girl for a while, and we've been talking about going to donate blood. On Monday, she asked me "is any day this week past 7pm good for you?". I said "Yup. I have nothing specific planned this week." On Wednesday, she messaged me at about 5pm saying she'd booked an appointment for just after 7. However, I been up late the previous night and desperately needed to sleep so I told her I was too tired. Instead I went home to take a nap.
Were my actions unreasonable? She's pretty upset that I told her I was free all week on Monday, but on Wednesday told her I couldn't go that day. I kind of thought it would be a given that as time goes on my availability would change if we had never set an actual date or time.
I've been dating a girl for a while, and we've been talking about going to donate blood. On Monday, she asked me "is any day this week past 7pm good for you?". I said "Yup. I have nothing specific planned this week." On Wednesday, she messaged me at about 5pm saying she'd booked an appointment for just after 7. However, I been up late the previous night and desperately needed to sleep so I told her I was too tired. Instead I went home to take a nap.
Were my actions unreasonable? She's pretty upset that I told her I was free all week on Monday, but on Wednesday told her I couldn't go that day. I kind of thought it would be a given that as time goes on my availability would change if we had never set an actual date or time.
A) She gave you pretty short notice... 2 hrs to prepare for it?
B) As long as you explain the situation to her in a fair and understanding manner, not in a defensive way, she should accept it and move on. If she doesn't, she's being the unreasonable one.
Arjen
Member
It was pretty short notice, but you needed to sleep at 7pm? I get why she would be a little pissed/ confused
Gucci Messiah
Banned
If I were in her shoes I'd feel like you blew me off. Just explain the situation, hopefully she'll realize it wasn't that big of a deal.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Just swallow it and apologize. It'll be the first of many to come.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
hawkshockey11
Banned
Ok I usually don't bother coming here for stupid crap but I am pretty perplexed here. I ran into a girl I knew from high school today and we talked for a good while and then I went on with my day. She just messaged me saying "hey, do you want to hang out this weekend?" and I said sure and then I pitched an idea.
She replied and then I asked her for her number and she didn't give them. She replied after but not with her number. It seems like she lost all interest somehow and yet I didn't say anything to scare her away. The only thing that I can think is that I implied that I wanted to do the thing I pitched with my friends so she may think I have no romantic interest in her. How do I salvage GAF?
She replied and then I asked her for her number and she didn't give them. She replied after but not with her number. It seems like she lost all interest somehow and yet I didn't say anything to scare her away. The only thing that I can think is that I implied that I wanted to do the thing I pitched with my friends so she may think I have no romantic interest in her. How do I salvage GAF?
Ask her if she wants to grab some lunch with you on Friday/Saturday/Sunday (whichever day works for you), and set up an actual time to meet somewhere.
That is if she doesn't seem interested in what you previously pitched.
You can get her number at the end of the date if things go well.
That is if she doesn't seem interested in what you previously pitched.
You can get her number at the end of the date if things go well.
You are being kinda vague, not sure how to interpret her responses.
How did her replies change? What was your idea that you proposed?
Hey gaf, I really wanted to not come here and ask for advice cause of the GAF-Man stigma. lol
Seriously however, met this girl at a department store and hit it off, had about 45 min- hour conversation and I told her I would like to go out with her.
She seemed really interested and when I had to go she didn't want me to leave.
Got her number.
When I got around to it, bout 2 hours later i text her my number. I called her later that night, no answer.
Next morning she texts me sorry left my phone at work., Im like no problem that ok
Send bout 5 texts back and forth(couldn't tak I was at work) discussing what we can do when we hang out. She says that she just started a new job and she still is working at her old job at the same time.
Its now increasingly hard to het a hold of her, I haven't called since the first time cause she is always apparently at work.
I only reply to her texts, except twice where I texted 2 times in a row. It is almost hours in between texts.
Texted her tonight, finally texted me back texted a conversation starter to eventually try and see if we could move it over to the phone, nope no response.
So, i'm thinking of just waiting for her to call me, I've made it know i'm interested and took initiative numerous times. She said she has off work on sun. Is she just super busy or not interested. I'm thinking of just falling back to wait for her to contact me.
Seriously however, met this girl at a department store and hit it off, had about 45 min- hour conversation and I told her I would like to go out with her.
She seemed really interested and when I had to go she didn't want me to leave.
Got her number.
When I got around to it, bout 2 hours later i text her my number. I called her later that night, no answer.
Next morning she texts me sorry left my phone at work., Im like no problem that ok
Send bout 5 texts back and forth(couldn't tak I was at work) discussing what we can do when we hang out. She says that she just started a new job and she still is working at her old job at the same time.
Its now increasingly hard to het a hold of her, I haven't called since the first time cause she is always apparently at work.
I only reply to her texts, except twice where I texted 2 times in a row. It is almost hours in between texts.
Texted her tonight, finally texted me back texted a conversation starter to eventually try and see if we could move it over to the phone, nope no response.
So, i'm thinking of just waiting for her to call me, I've made it know i'm interested and took initiative numerous times. She said she has off work on sun. Is she just super busy or not interested. I'm thinking of just falling back to wait for her to contact me.
Just sounds super busy, to me.
Let her try to call you now, but it sounds like you guys have a free day to spend together for Sunday.
Plan for that, and let her know where to meet you.
I've said it a billion times but a simple lunch is a classic first date that you absolutely cannot go wrong with. If it goes well, and you're both still free, take her somewhere else interesting if she wants to as well.
Good luck man.
Let her try to call you now, but it sounds like you guys have a free day to spend together for Sunday.
Plan for that, and let her know where to meet you.
I've said it a billion times but a simple lunch is a classic first date that you absolutely cannot go wrong with. If it goes well, and you're both still free, take her somewhere else interesting if she wants to as well.
Good luck man.
She's busy and has lost interest.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Fall back son. In the meantime try to get with other girls
Omegasquash
Member
Kick it and keep this one on the slow burn. Don't be afraid to respond, but don't go balls out on the aggressive either. Look for and make plans with other people. You're busy too, y'know.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Go back to the store and wait for her to get off then follow her to the parking lot and confront her honestly.
Make sure you ask like, a thousand questions. At the end of your tirade offer her a bouquet of flowers you made sure to buy earlier in the evening and offer to carry her home.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Save the flowers for the second date!!!
He's already done goofed, he needs to show her he's ready to marry her.
Hey guys this is a long story but I will try to make it as short as possible, In March I got out of a seven year relationship (because my girlfriend changed a lot during those years). So between all of this I met a girl that was pretty awesome, not my type at all but we clicked right from the beginning. We share a lot of common interests especially music and movies and political views etc. We started talking a lot on the phone (4 to 5 hours daily) so I started liking her more and from just liking her on the personal level I started liking her physically. She was graduating in May so I thought I should ask her out since it was probable I wouldn't see her again after graduating, since I graduate in December. She flat out said no and that she was not interested but two days later she's calling me again asking me to go to her apartment to share some music, so Im kinda confused at this point but agreed on going. I arrived at her apartment at 10 pm and left at 5 in the morning, nothing happened but technically it was a date we were alone in her room just talking and having fun. So we kept talking on the phone on a on and off basis.
On June she took a month long trip to Europe but before she got on the airplane she texted me saying that she was gonna miss me a lot and other stuff. After the trip we still talked but mostly on facebook or txt, I went out once with my ex to have some closure and she tagged me on a picture she took that day and the girl told me she saw something weird on my profile referring to the picture that I was tagged with my ex gf and asked if I had gone out with her and I explained. So we didn't talk for weeks but she left me posts on my fb wall of music videos and stuff and sent random txt or fb msgs asking if I was available at 2 or 3 am which I ignored. We went with a few friends to see a soccer game and I decided I was gonna act normally with her because I felt she was just fucking me up or playing me or something, that day we almost didnt talk and she later called me asking if I was ok and why I didnt talk to her and I explained why I did it and said that she couldn't tell me how to act with her but that she was bummed.
So fast forward a few months and we start talking on the phone yet again including a 7 hour conversation from 10pm till 5 am ( I know wtf I hate talking on the phone but with her is fucking awesome conversation just flows) So we talked for another 4 or 5 days 3 or 4 hours each day.
We went with some friends to a concert and after the concert we got stuck in traffic and the girl and I kept talking and we were like in our own little world ignoring everyone in the car for maybe two hours. An asshole friend of mine( who was in the car) later tells me hey wtf is going on with you and **** and I told him that I liked her and he told me that she liked me too or thats what it looked like when we were in the car. The little asshole goes on and tells her the same thing he told me and she called me asking me if I thought something weird happened in the car, I told her no but that asshole friend told me that something strange happened. So the conversation gets deeper and I tell her that I like her a lot and that we share a lot of things and we can have nice conversations and stuff and she tells me the same thing: that shes not interested. I asked her why she was talking with me so much if she wasnt interested and she told me she didnt know why, but that she enjoyed it because we had a lot of things in common. I asked her if she had done that in the past with someone else and she said no. So we didnt talk in two weeks but she started calling me again and spent hours on the phone yet again, we went to a party at a friends house and we got pretty drunk and she was all touchy and flirty with me (way above normal) but again nothing happened because my confidence levels have gone to shit thanks to how confused I am with the whole situation. And right after that we keep talking on the phone or txt almost every other day.
Any opinions or thoughts on this would help me understand a little better, a few girl friends I have told, always tell me she likes you but theres something else or up because no one talks so much with another person just to say they are not interested
tl;dr I like this girl a lot she says that shes not interested but keeps calling me at late hours to talk for 3 hours plus almost every day
On June she took a month long trip to Europe but before she got on the airplane she texted me saying that she was gonna miss me a lot and other stuff. After the trip we still talked but mostly on facebook or txt, I went out once with my ex to have some closure and she tagged me on a picture she took that day and the girl told me she saw something weird on my profile referring to the picture that I was tagged with my ex gf and asked if I had gone out with her and I explained. So we didn't talk for weeks but she left me posts on my fb wall of music videos and stuff and sent random txt or fb msgs asking if I was available at 2 or 3 am which I ignored. We went with a few friends to see a soccer game and I decided I was gonna act normally with her because I felt she was just fucking me up or playing me or something, that day we almost didnt talk and she later called me asking if I was ok and why I didnt talk to her and I explained why I did it and said that she couldn't tell me how to act with her but that she was bummed.
So fast forward a few months and we start talking on the phone yet again including a 7 hour conversation from 10pm till 5 am ( I know wtf I hate talking on the phone but with her is fucking awesome conversation just flows) So we talked for another 4 or 5 days 3 or 4 hours each day.
We went with some friends to a concert and after the concert we got stuck in traffic and the girl and I kept talking and we were like in our own little world ignoring everyone in the car for maybe two hours. An asshole friend of mine( who was in the car) later tells me hey wtf is going on with you and **** and I told him that I liked her and he told me that she liked me too or thats what it looked like when we were in the car. The little asshole goes on and tells her the same thing he told me and she called me asking me if I thought something weird happened in the car, I told her no but that asshole friend told me that something strange happened. So the conversation gets deeper and I tell her that I like her a lot and that we share a lot of things and we can have nice conversations and stuff and she tells me the same thing: that shes not interested. I asked her why she was talking with me so much if she wasnt interested and she told me she didnt know why, but that she enjoyed it because we had a lot of things in common. I asked her if she had done that in the past with someone else and she said no. So we didnt talk in two weeks but she started calling me again and spent hours on the phone yet again, we went to a party at a friends house and we got pretty drunk and she was all touchy and flirty with me (way above normal) but again nothing happened because my confidence levels have gone to shit thanks to how confused I am with the whole situation. And right after that we keep talking on the phone or txt almost every other day.
Any opinions or thoughts on this would help me understand a little better, a few girl friends I have told, always tell me she likes you but theres something else or up because no one talks so much with another person just to say they are not interested
tl;dr I like this girl a lot she says that shes not interested but keeps calling me at late hours to talk for 3 hours plus almost every day
I've been in like two similar-ish situations. Find someone who is willing to give you the time of day. Otherwise, dude she's your friend. Whether she's confused or not I can't say for sure, but you've already been up front with her twice and she sorta blew you off (and not in a good way). Move on.
Omegasquash
Member
You're filling a void for her, she's not filling a void for you. This much talking and time...there's a relationship level time being spent, here. And while I hope I'm not taking this quote out of context, it still stood out to me.
If she's asking you what's up with you being in a photo on FB with another girl and it's not "Hey, I know that's your ex...is everything OK?" then something else is up there too. But, she says she's not interested, so find yourself another date or something. Maybe it'll spur her into action, but don't let that be your goal. Clear your head, talk to other women, go on dates....if this girl isn't interested in you past friendship, she'll be supportive. If not, she's possessive.
It's not a situation you'll want to be in when you do find an SO. I speak from experience.
Well, you specifically asked her several times and she said she's not interested. Sounds like she just wants a friend. Maybe, given a long time, she'll grow to the idea of dating you, but certainly on her own time and not by you pressuring her.
The touchy flirty part can be disregarded, as she was drinking. Don't get overexcited about that.
If she shot you down multiple times now, I guess you have to decide if you want to keep spending that kind of time talking with her and keep her as a friend, or move on.
There's nothing wrong with having her as a friend, as long as you can accept that. As long as you're romantically interested in her, that will keep coming to the surface and exposing itself to her, until it could ultimately destroy the friendship if she still doesn't want it and keeps feeling pressured by you.
OK, so in a few hours I'm gonna go clubbing with some friends. It's been such a long time since I last did it, as I never actually enjoyed it. Also, I can't manage to speak or hit on any girl, I don't know how to begin. I don't think tonight will be any different, but whatever...
Atramental
Banned
Having fun should be your only goal for tonight. Don't stress yourself out with trying to hit on girls.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Yeah keep expectations low when going to a club. Most girls are either there with their BFs, only went to dance with their friends and no one else, or very obese. Basically your biggest chance is to dance with your friends and hope a girl comes to you and asks to dance.
I always go with zero expectations, I already know that no girl will be interested in me, no matter the context. So yeah, I'll try to have fun with my friends and that's it.
Atramental
Banned
Ah. Here's another problem.
This is a very self defeating belief to have about yourself. Our beliefs about ourselves alter our dispositions and our actions and therefore alter other people's perceptions of ourselves.
I bet with a belief like this you probably appear to be very meek and reserved when you are around girls.
Modify this belief to something of the effect of, "There's got to be some decent girls out there that are interested in me. They just haven't found me yet and perhaps tonight they will."
I think you're right, but then I'll just end disappointed when it doesn't happen. I wish I wasn't so shy and freaked out around women, and that I was more interesting to talk to.
SpectreFire
Member
Well. My date flaked out on me tonight, midway as we were confirming where to meet up.
Yeaaah, maybe I should just stop dating for a while.
Yeaaah, maybe I should just stop dating for a while.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Some girls love shy awkward guys!! Especially if said person is in a place that juxtaposes him. That is how I dated my first girlfriend.
jadedm17
Member
Pretty much. Confidence is key, in who or whatever you are. I learned this from my cousin growing up : He was a big guy (tall and round) but had confidence and personality like a goddamn rockstar. Always had a beautiful girl around his arm, and now is married to one.
Thinking back to all the points in my life - acne, sarcastic, jaded, shy, outgoing, fat, not-as-fat, etc. - its funny to think about no matter where I was there was a girl attracted to that.
Its not that hard to believe considering I love "flaws" like girls that snore, and awkward girls. The idea here is no matter what you are just own up to it and someone will love the shit out of you for it.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I finally gathered the courage to ask the cute girl I've been eyeballing out. I've never had a female not turn me down and it shouldn't shock anyone that I was, of course, shot down yet again. I took it with good humor and laughed it off but half an hour later I felt like shit and, several hours later, I still do. Oh well...
hawkshockey11
Banned
Set courses for another one. Best way to make rejection not hurt.
grap3fruitman
Banned
It's rare that I meet women, so it'll be a while, possibly a few years before it happens again. Even then, should I find someone that is willing to go on a single date, I wouldn't know what to do as I've never dated before. But this has all been said in done in the various dating threads already so there's no real point in going over it again.
Honestly, is there anything Math-GAF can't help with?
Cow Mengde
Banned
I can't believe I'm back in this thread and this time I honestly need real help. When I posted the other posts, I never revealed that fact that my fears stem from me liking another co-worker, so having her think there's something going on between me and someone else doesn't help. Though it didn't matter too much then, since I thought I had a snowball's chance in hell with her.
Today, I found out that my status has upgraded to snowball's chance in mid-spring-sorta-getting-close-to-summer. To clarify, she broke up with her boyfriend. She didn't tell me this to suggest anything, we were just talking about something unrelated and just brought up that she needed to get her stuff back from him.
My Problem:
1. I'm worried it's too soon. No idea when they broke up, but the fact that I just found out, and the fact that we recently got rid of a creepy co-worker that also had the hots for her makes me hesitate. I mean, she's finally free of him, and I don't want to take his place in making her uncomfortable if she rejects me. I can say with confidence that I'm not a creeper, nor does she think I'm one, but still feel like it's not the right time. She probably only broke up with her boyfriend recently since I've been working here about 8 months now and she mentioned her boyfriend (again during an unrelated conversation) so I'm worried it's too soon?
2. I may be too nice and end up in the friend zone or worse... Though the friend zone thing may be me over thinking it simply because I treat everyone in the office well; male or female. I also didn't befriend her because I wanted anything from her. I only recently started to fall for her in the past month or so. Before, it was just me doing whatever simply because I have free time and get an excuse to stretch my legs and run around while looking like I'm working hard. I think she knows I have a pretty good reputation with people around the place so I may be safe but...
3. I said friend zone or worse, meaning she might see me as a younger brother (she's 2 years older than me). We have a lot in common. Even something as inconsequential as how we see our drinks is exactly the same. I'm worried us sharing so many things in common that she sees me as a brother. Is that even a problem?
Possible Hints On My Success
While I'm not confident at all about my chances, I can confidently say she likes me to a certain extent. I want some thoughts from more experienced people to tell me if these events are signs that I have a chance, or if I'm going straight to friend zone.
1. As I said, we have a lot in common. She knows it, I know it. We talk all the time and we crack jokes and laugh a lot. It may be small talk, but we learned a lot about each other. Again, that's how I know we have a lot in common. The drink thing, for example, was something I could worry about if I do ask her out because of how weird I am, but turns out it wouldn't be an issue at all. I only found out yesterday.
2. On her birthday, I got her gifts. Pretty mundane, but useful stuff for her. Her female friends got her stuff like nail polish and clothing accessories. She kept playing with my gift. She liked and laugh at my gift as I expected, but I didn't expect her to be playing with my gift the most. I know because my gift made sounds.
3. Three months back, a film crew came to film a commercial in our office. People either got out of the way, or watched at the sidelines. I was out of the building with a customer, and when I got back, she waved towards me to come stand with her to watch. She has close female friends and she didn't crowd with them, but instead stood by herself until I came back into the building.
So that's my story. Right now, I guess I need advise on what to do and if it's too soon. My gut feeling tells me it's too soon, but I don't trust my laughably meager experience in this area. I'm thinking doing a little more to steer out of friend zone first. It would also help me build my confidence. My confidence on a scale of 1-10 is 2. It would definitely help if experienced GAF can give me some thoughts on the events I posted.
Thanks.
Today, I found out that my status has upgraded to snowball's chance in mid-spring-sorta-getting-close-to-summer. To clarify, she broke up with her boyfriend. She didn't tell me this to suggest anything, we were just talking about something unrelated and just brought up that she needed to get her stuff back from him.
My Problem:
1. I'm worried it's too soon. No idea when they broke up, but the fact that I just found out, and the fact that we recently got rid of a creepy co-worker that also had the hots for her makes me hesitate. I mean, she's finally free of him, and I don't want to take his place in making her uncomfortable if she rejects me. I can say with confidence that I'm not a creeper, nor does she think I'm one, but still feel like it's not the right time. She probably only broke up with her boyfriend recently since I've been working here about 8 months now and she mentioned her boyfriend (again during an unrelated conversation) so I'm worried it's too soon?
2. I may be too nice and end up in the friend zone or worse... Though the friend zone thing may be me over thinking it simply because I treat everyone in the office well; male or female. I also didn't befriend her because I wanted anything from her. I only recently started to fall for her in the past month or so. Before, it was just me doing whatever simply because I have free time and get an excuse to stretch my legs and run around while looking like I'm working hard. I think she knows I have a pretty good reputation with people around the place so I may be safe but...
3. I said friend zone or worse, meaning she might see me as a younger brother (she's 2 years older than me). We have a lot in common. Even something as inconsequential as how we see our drinks is exactly the same. I'm worried us sharing so many things in common that she sees me as a brother. Is that even a problem?
Possible Hints On My Success
While I'm not confident at all about my chances, I can confidently say she likes me to a certain extent. I want some thoughts from more experienced people to tell me if these events are signs that I have a chance, or if I'm going straight to friend zone.
1. As I said, we have a lot in common. She knows it, I know it. We talk all the time and we crack jokes and laugh a lot. It may be small talk, but we learned a lot about each other. Again, that's how I know we have a lot in common. The drink thing, for example, was something I could worry about if I do ask her out because of how weird I am, but turns out it wouldn't be an issue at all. I only found out yesterday.
2. On her birthday, I got her gifts. Pretty mundane, but useful stuff for her. Her female friends got her stuff like nail polish and clothing accessories. She kept playing with my gift. She liked and laugh at my gift as I expected, but I didn't expect her to be playing with my gift the most. I know because my gift made sounds.
3. Three months back, a film crew came to film a commercial in our office. People either got out of the way, or watched at the sidelines. I was out of the building with a customer, and when I got back, she waved towards me to come stand with her to watch. She has close female friends and she didn't crowd with them, but instead stood by herself until I came back into the building.
So that's my story. Right now, I guess I need advise on what to do and if it's too soon. My gut feeling tells me it's too soon, but I don't trust my laughably meager experience in this area. I'm thinking doing a little more to steer out of friend zone first. It would also help me build my confidence. My confidence on a scale of 1-10 is 2. It would definitely help if experienced GAF can give me some thoughts on the events I posted.
Thanks.
Ok, first of all you need to chill out! You are over-analyzing everything.
Your #1 concern is on the right track. It IS too soon to pounce heavily, especially if it was a long term relationship. This however does not mean you should just ignore her. It just means take it SLOW. If you pounce on her and push for the relationship (no matter how "right" it may feel at the time) it could ultimately fail because she's not done with the coping period of being done with the ex.
The #2 concern is a bunch of wish-wash over-analyzing rubbish. Stop thinking about it. Be yourself. Simple as that. If you start to analyze yourself to the point of worrying about how she perceives your work reputation, kindness levels, etc. then you will ultimately screw up. Just continue what you're doing now, because that's worked so far, right?
Concern #3, again is worrying over nothing. A 2 year age gap being a concern is nothing. Hell it's totally normal for today's standards. My girlfriend is 13 years older than me, THIRTEEN. Viewing you as a brother has nothing to do with age, but only comes with how you 'click' with her. You can't really control that. If she ever says "you're like a brother to me!" then you know you're friend-zoned. But don't sit there thinking that a 2 year age gap will cause brotherly thoughts of you.
As for your 3 hints of interest from her...
They're good things, yes. Pay attention to more specific things she does around you though. Women do shit that's less obvious, but can mean really big things when they're interested in someone. Picking on you, playing with her hair when she talks to you, getting nervous around you, staring at you, etc. You can google this stuff for a nice list. Every woman does it differently.
All I can stress is take it easy, and slow. You never want to rush into things with someone that just got out of a relationship. Add the fact that you two are co-workers and it also makes things a little more tricky. Sometimes people form special bonds with co-workers that are strictly friendly, no matter how special they seem. You just have to take it one step at a time and see what happens. Currently, my girlfriend now is a co-worker of mine. I was really good 'friends' with her for about 1.5 years, and then finally around the same time we both realized we were actually into each other. We've been dating ever since, and it's been fantastic.
Just roll with it. I guess the next step to take is to see if she wants to do something very casual with you outside of work. Don't make it a serious date though. Keep it fun and casual. Show her what spending time with you is like outside of work. Go from there.
Edit: to make it seem less "date-like" you can think of something that you could do alone, and invite her along. Example: Let's say you both loved cars...You could say, "hey I'm going to so-and-so car show tomorrow afternoon. I know you're into cars too, interested in joining me?" This seems like you had independent plans that you are adding her to, so it seems less threatening. If you say, "hey would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night" it seems much more date-like and could scare her, being fresh out of a relationship.
- Status