Riiiiight. K, I'll give you the advice you want to hear. You made a huge, huge mistake, so now rectify it.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Riiiiight. K, I'll give you the advice you want to hear. You made a huge, huge mistake, so now rectify it.
waxer
Member
Haha no I was just venting and think it would be a bad idea to actually get back together for the simple fact I have trust issues in that relationship now. Once the seed is planted and all that. Plus the time for visa will be fast approaching and with the thorn pulled now why go through it again.
I just thought your reasoning sucked and thought I should point out why. I do feel much better now, so thanks.
I just thought your reasoning sucked and thought I should point out why. I do feel much better now, so thanks.
Welp, was based on your confusing post.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck. Did I say fuck yet? A couple of days ago I met a pretty cool girl who works out at my gym. Through (awesome!) texting we agreed to work out together yesterday-evening. All went well and I think my bulging biceps impressed her (though she's got more stamina then me). We finished around eight and the gym closes at eleven.
We spent the ENTIRE evening talking. About everything. Politics, weather, her work, my work, our hometowns, favorite cartoons, favorite schoolsubject. She did a hilarious impression of a cute autistic kid, who she adores. She works with mentally disabled kids as a sports coach. We share the exact same humor and there was never a dull moment and we both laughed. A lot. I might even go so far as to say it was one of the awesomest evenings ever. No hyperbole.
So this morning I sent her a text, inviting her to get something to drink, and asked if she had some other impressions for me. Before she responded in five to ten minutes. This time it took a lot longer. And she said she'd love to, had a blast, felt really at ease around me so acting goofy should be no problem. Sounds perfect, right? But (and here it comes
) just to be sure, she could only handle it on a friendly basis. Fuck.
I'm not putting her on a pedestal, I won't be crying in a corner over it (that's done already
) but I can safely say we had PERFECT chemistry. Perhaps she's got a boyfriend, perhaps she's a lesbian, perhaps she's got other reasons to want to stay single. But she was pretty clear. And I'm kinda bummed out
And tonight I'm going dancing with the hot salsa-girl. Who just isn't as cool as the other girl. Fuck
(I'll get over it
)
Can I just say that when typing that, I never even thought of French, at all? Matter of fact, I think French is one of the most fucking beautiful languages in the world. Excuse my Dutch (Dutch is ugly ) Can I say that as a Dutchy?
We spent the ENTIRE evening talking. About everything. Politics, weather, her work, my work, our hometowns, favorite cartoons, favorite schoolsubject. She did a hilarious impression of a cute autistic kid, who she adores. She works with mentally disabled kids as a sports coach. We share the exact same humor and there was never a dull moment and we both laughed. A lot. I might even go so far as to say it was one of the awesomest evenings ever. No hyperbole.
So this morning I sent her a text, inviting her to get something to drink, and asked if she had some other impressions for me. Before she responded in five to ten minutes. This time it took a lot longer. And she said she'd love to, had a blast, felt really at ease around me so acting goofy should be no problem. Sounds perfect, right? But (and here it comes
) just to be sure, she could only handle it on a friendly basis. Fuck.I'm not putting her on a pedestal, I won't be crying in a corner over it (that's done already
) but I can safely say we had PERFECT chemistry. Perhaps she's got a boyfriend, perhaps she's a lesbian, perhaps she's got other reasons to want to stay single. But she was pretty clear. And I'm kinda bummed out And tonight I'm going dancing with the hot salsa-girl. Who just isn't as cool as the other girl. Fuck
(I'll get over it
)Can I just say that when typing that, I never even thought of French, at all? Matter of fact, I think French is one of the most fucking beautiful languages in the world. Excuse my Dutch (Dutch is ugly
) Can I say that as a Dutchy?I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I'm not putting her on a pedestal, I won't be crying in a corner over it (that's done already
I'm sure everyone's gonna jump on me about this like always, but fuck it. You made a friend. Be happy. You guys clicked, had a good time, had a good convo, she agreed to hang out more. What's the issue? Just be friends with her. Get to know her more. Maybe something happens naturally through the course of your friendship, maybe it doesn't, but in the end you haven't lost anything.
Very true.
In this case I agree with you. The way they met and started off, it wasn't anything more than friends yet anyways.
In the case of the dude flirting with the married woman for X number of weeks, with obvious sexual innuendo messages back and forth, etc. It's kinda hard to flip a switch and go from "want to fuck" to "lets just be buds" in that case.
Just my 2 cents. But yeah, in the above case, it sounds like the guy made a solid friend at least, so I wouldn't be down about that, and you never know...maybe she came off a bad breakup a week ago and just needs a little space from guys, but will be open to it later!
HappyBivouac
Member
found myself in a mutually-desired friends with benefits kind of situation.. I've been a relationshippy kind of guy in the past, having semi-recently ended a 4 year thing, but this is pretty damn refreshing. that said i can't help but feel a little wary of possible drama/blowups/undesired feelings happening. any pitfalls I should avoid/etc.? i feel like an inexperienced idiot when it comes to sex without feelings.
and on a scale of 1 to 10 how transparent is my brag post
and on a scale of 1 to 10 how transparent is my brag post
Don't act like you're a couple and don't do couple things, like holding hands or going bowling together
As for bragging, we don't care, we're only happy for anyone who has success.don't see her more than once a week
Cow Mengde
Banned
Not yet, but will do it tomorrow. I actually did something that gave me a HUGE confidence boost.
Her best friend treats me like a brother and she wants to help me when I told her that I'm interested in her friend. Yesterday, something happened that gave me a lot of doubt on my chances of success. Mainly that she does still have contact with her ex, and they've known each other for 10 years. So you can see how that would completely deflate my hope. I figured they might still have strong feelings for each other. I asked her for advice and found out what I was competing against. Turns out I was leagues above that guy, but she recommended I take it slowly so as not to scare her friend off. I was gonna use the direct approach had I not been advised by her.
Originally, my confidence on a scale of 0-10 was around 3, it fell to 0 after finding out she still has contact with her ex. After the talk, my confidence went up to 6.
She held me back so she can soften her up first.
I'd say they setup some nice rules here...listen closely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V1ymoKPTAk
ToLateToLove
Member
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me! There are girls i'm interested in but still not in love.. it kinda sucks.
There are girls i'm interested in but still not in love.. it kinda sucks.Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Damn, my social life is still about as active as an 80 year old's. I guess I have trouble "fitting in".
Count Dookkake
Member
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
I think you are putting the cart before the horse.
You don't need to be in love to date. You say you are interested, so go out and see what happens.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This doesn't make any fucking sense.Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
Buddy, slow down.
You're not going to be in love with someone before you date them. That feeling is just infatuation, the "crush".
You'll fall in love with the right person while you're dating her.
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
At your age it's too late to love.
MoGamesXNA
Unconfirmed Member
Well my date last weekend didn't go as poorly as I thought. She's coming around this Saturday night for a Walking Dead session
Her best friend said that to you? You are already dead. Never tell the best friend. NEVER!!!
Sanky Panky
Banned
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
People at 12 should not be out there looking for love... you are set for a crash landing with your desperate search for "love'. Look for shared passion with someone. At this age, you don't even know what love is.
Just saw this on boston.com. A 22 yr old guy from Hyannis, MA was recently dumped by his girlfriend just won $30M lottery jackpot. I bet he feels pretty good.
Boston.com story
Although this guy was pretty lucky, I wouldn't advocate anyone to start playing the lottery.
Boston.com story
Although this guy was pretty lucky, I wouldn't advocate anyone to start playing the lottery.
Perspicacity
Banned
Guys, new here. I have one problem, I haven't been in love in over 10 years.. and I'm only 22 soon to be 23 years old. What is wrong with me!
Don't ever try to date someone you're already in love with, shit just doesn't work that way. Go out their and just meet people
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Sounds fun! I marathoned the first two seasons earlier this week.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Success!
Thanks for the help and encouragements guys. I'll still be back for more advice.
Thanks for the help and encouragements guys. I'll still be back for more advice.
Good luck, remember don't push for anything too hard. You still gotta work with her if it doesn't pan out in a good way.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Oh definitely. The best friend warned me the same thing. Told me to take it slowly.
So my friend replied to the chick's text to check if she wants to hang out. To provide context, I asked her if she has any plans this weekend and she said friends and study for mid terms which I read into saying that she's busy this weekend.
EDIT: She replied... and she's down to hang out.
It looks like it's going to be pool in a place of her choosing; a nice place. Holy crap! My friend pulled it off. My first date in over a year. Wow! I'm ecstatic. I'm going to have to go to the barbershop and pretty myself up.
On Monday, I'm getting a girl that's in another one of my classes' number. I was thinking about too much earlier when I walked her to the subway station.
Oh and the chick from OKC hasn't responded to my message (it's been about 2 days since I sent it; she's probably busy since she's a nurse/grad student).
EDIT: She replied... and she's down to hang out.
It looks like it's going to be pool in a place of her choosing; a nice place. Holy crap! My friend pulled it off. My first date in over a year. Wow! I'm ecstatic. I'm going to have to go to the barbershop and pretty myself up.
On Monday, I'm getting a girl that's in another one of my classes' number. I was thinking about too much earlier when I walked her to the subway station.
Oh and the chick from OKC hasn't responded to my message (it's been about 2 days since I sent it; she's probably busy since she's a nurse/grad student).
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
So would you admit that all the planning and worrying nonsense from before was pointless? That a path of action was the better option?
Very much a point worth remembering.
Not worth it to over-think everything and get worried about nothing.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Sorry, can't say I completely agree. Yes, I know worrying and doing nothing wasn't going to get me anywhere, but there were genuine issues to work out first. Working it out helped boost my confidence to ask her. I really don't know if I would have had the guts to ask her out today had those issues still remained in my mind. Even if she said yes without me working out those issues, I might still have to worry for a while. Trust me guys, there were some issues that had me really worried and might have even got me to completely dropped this.
I completely agree that if you're asking a girl out at a bar or some random place, then throw all your thoughts out the windows, but my situation was different.
Really, you guys have specific targets for dating? I guess some people have their favorites. For the record, I'm Chinese and I just asked a (Eastern) European girl out.
Cow Mengde
Banned
No but after 7 relationships with Filipinas it just doesn't work out. I might be lucky and meet a more European type Filipina but I'm just not that optimistic. I just want to meet the "right one" but that will come with time, patience.
In a way, I guess we're switched around. I'm Asian and she's European. What was the problem you had with the Filipina women that prevented success? I want to hear them so I can keep them in mind. I doubt it'll ever come up, but doesn't hurt to know.
ToLateToLove
Member
Ok, I like this girl. I write on her facebook every now and then but she's bad at answerig back. But fuck that, I'm going to try my fucking hardest to get her interest.... sure I might be drunk atm but I really need this chick!!!!
It's like you're intentionally doing things that are against the advice in this thread as a joke.
You're very aggressive at being passive-aggressive.
Cow Mengde
Banned
That makes me look aggressive...
Moving out on your own will go a long way towards building your confidence too. You'll be out on your own, you'll have a job making money that you've earned, you'll probably meet all kinds of new people, etc.
Improve your personal state of being and a date will come along in time. You'll magnetically attract one just by the natural course of living your life.
The longest relationship of my life came about that way (granted I hadn't moved out, but my confidence and sense of self was an all time high and I was simply living my life, and it just happened).
Improve your personal state of being and a date will come along in time. You'll magnetically attract one just by the natural course of living your life.
The longest relationship of my life came about that way (granted I hadn't moved out, but my confidence and sense of self was an all time high and I was simply living my life, and it just happened).
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
I am so frustrated by my inhibition, anger, depression. I'll attempt to talk with this mid-twenties woman in the IOP we attend, instead of brooding like an angst-ridden motherfucker.
I have zero expectations. I'll update this tomorrow.
I have zero expectations. I'll update this tomorrow.
angst-ridden motherfucker
heh just described 100% of GAF... and 90% of the net
Perspicacity
Banned
Just had a loooong talk with the ex. I think she sorta convinced me to step back and deal with my own shit before trying to bring new girls into my life. Blah
Oh boy, I have my first date in over a year on Saturday at 6pm with the chick that I initiated conversation with and "picked up" at Comic Con; I'm kind of nervous anticipating it. We're playing pool at the chick's neighborhood which I've never been to. She seems to be really excited saying that she has to prepare and what not. My came through for me by playing the role of Romeo for a bit in order to land myself the date. I'm keeping my expectations very low; whatever happens, happens (I've never made out with a chick before though but I know the 90/10 rule as well as several ways/moments to go for it). I need to relax and not think about it. My mother told me to think of it as if I was going to meet up to talk with her. I'm going to have to shave the armpits seeing as I sweat excessively from there from anxiety; completely sanitize myself and clip all the nails. My biggest fear is that I'm going to smell like BO when I take off my jacket.
I know this is purely subjective and comes down to individual preference, but does anybody think I should pay for the stuff or go Dutch? My friend told me he pays half; my brother told me he pays for the whole thing; my mother told me it's typically guys that would pay for her stuff. I don't know what to do especially since I don't a lot of dough; something like 80 something bucks in the wallet and another 80 something bucks in the debit card. I'm not planning on blowing all of it on one date seeing as I have to go to the barbershop later today as well as buy subway fare and gum. I was thinking if we go bar hopping, then I'll buy her a drink or two.
I have a few more questions for you guys. How do you calm yourself down before the date? What techniques do you use? Lastly, when playing pool, how do you find the excuse to touch your date? Would it be when she's using the stick or teach her how to hold the stick? Thank you so much guys (please don't ignore my post). I'm going to go out, have fun, and get to know a new area in the process as well as focus on the chick.
I know this is purely subjective and comes down to individual preference, but does anybody think I should pay for the stuff or go Dutch? My friend told me he pays half; my brother told me he pays for the whole thing; my mother told me it's typically guys that would pay for her stuff. I don't know what to do especially since I don't a lot of dough; something like 80 something bucks in the wallet and another 80 something bucks in the debit card. I'm not planning on blowing all of it on one date seeing as I have to go to the barbershop later today as well as buy subway fare and gum. I was thinking if we go bar hopping, then I'll buy her a drink or two.
I have a few more questions for you guys. How do you calm yourself down before the date? What techniques do you use? Lastly, when playing pool, how do you find the excuse to touch your date? Would it be when she's using the stick or teach her how to hold the stick? Thank you so much guys (please don't ignore my post). I'm going to go out, have fun, and get to know a new area in the process as well as focus on the chick.
No techniques, just focus in having a good time and showing her a good time as well.
Enjoy the butterflies.
As for finding excuses to touch her playing pool, you could just jokingly nudge her (lightly, of course) if she is beating you or something.
Again, your focus is on havin a good time. She'll be having a good time if you are relaxed and enjoying the evening.
Enjoy the butterflies.
As for finding excuses to touch her playing pool, you could just jokingly nudge her (lightly, of course) if she is beating you or something.
Again, your focus is on havin a good time. She'll be having a good time if you are relaxed and enjoying the evening.
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