... Well, you are testing my limits.
"Exotic" might not be a compliment towards people
- Thread starter Messofanego
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... Well, you are testing my limits.
Getting to know a stranger that you're likely not going to meet again.
Sounds more like cat calling. And we all know that's awful.
May I remind you how uncomfortable it makes people when strangers tell them to smile? It's quite the same. Most people don't like having your personal feelings thrown at them just so you can feel better. World doesn't work that way.
The reasons behind your telling me the bolded statement is enormously presumptious on your part, but I cannot be annoyed, because it's the same sentiment I would have said to you had I known your gender. A poster says "I cannot think of any situation where its a compliment" and you write "exactly, it's creepy" in agreement with the sentiment, but I'm the one who needs a condescending reminder that women are not hiveminds (or rather, that one person does not speak for all)? Please.
RockTurtle
Member
everyone is a stranger until you get to know them. if we were on a first date it would be part of the conversation. how else would i find out your interests likes dislikes unless i bring up different content and subjects?
it's just basic human interaction. If i tell you my viewpoints on gentrification it's because i want to know if you agree or disagree, i'm taking the risk in offending you to determine if we are compatible or where we stand on things.
how do i know what your limits are on what you find funny unless i make jokes to go up to my own limits? if you are more sensitive than me i won't know unless you let me know, or until i make a joke right?
The Elite
BOSS
I would have no problem being called exotic.
It's going to be a mixed bag of people who like it and people who don't.
That's fine.
Those who find it offensive are the few that perplex me.
Yes, of course it could be taken that way.
But my point was we're constantly testing the limits of people as we get to know them, and by doing this we learn how they react and which people will be our friends etc...
I probably should have explained myself better, sorry.
Brianimaniac
Banned
The problem with this is that I like to represent myself honestly. I'm quick to apologize when I mean it, but I would never do it simply because "it'll be better received". If I try to compliment someone and they take it poorly because they have a different context for that word or are overly sensitive, that's an unfortunate social situation, but I would not apologize. If that ends our interaction and the other person comes away thinking I'm an asshole, I'm fine with that. Some people just aren't going to get along, and that's life.
I'm a guy and I don't like being called exotic. And how do you not see how "you're pretty for a black girl" is offensive? Nobody wants to have themselves be relegated to a race standard or have their whole race slanted like that.
You could just say "I don't care" instead of writing all that.
victreeb3l
Member
When I think of exotic, I think of jungles and shit.
I personally wouldnt care if I was called exotic. I've never heard anyone use it negatively. I didnt even think that was possible.
I personally wouldnt care if I was called exotic. I've never heard anyone use it negatively. I didnt even think that was possible.
You could have just said "I don't give a fuck" and got the same point across with less words.
Edit: Beaten?
RockTurtle
Member
there's a big difference between saying what i bolded and using a word which has different meanings for different people. you are taking an extreme example and trying to equate it to the word.
and as a guy i have been called exotic plenty of times and liked it. my own mother calls me that!
I can understand how someone could feel they were being singled out in a negative way by the word, I think it's important to try to understand this too.
Well, surely you're aware that your desire to avoid compliments is somewhat unusual (if I am understanding your position correctly and I apologize if I am not.) Many people enjoy receiving compliments and if someone wasn't aware of your preference than it would only occur after the damage is done before they learn otherwise.
Likewise with the use of exotic as a compliment. If they are from somewhere that considers it a positive and use it towards someone that does not then it is understandable where the misintent originated. I do not think that because some places the word carries unflattering connotations means that it should not be used just as I wouldn't champion never complimenting anyone because some people do not like compliments. In both circumstances, good intentions were the motivator and the actions themselves would be enjoyed in other contexts. Of course, once a person makes their preferences known they should be treated in the respectful manner that person desires.
EVERYONE owes you, must be nice.
I wasn't talking to you though.....
I was also seeing some parallels here; "you should welcome comments like this, it's a compliment"
QuicheFontaine
Member
Well, exotic doesn't mean pretty. It means...exotic, which I pointed out earlier is basically "unusual" with the connotation that the unusual facet/feature is pleasing. In contrast to "weird".
God Dayumm
Banned
Exotic always sounded to me like you're fucking ugly except for one grace that makes you weirdly attractive. Like a "I have the weirdest boner right now" type of thing. Good thing I've never been called that.
I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, I was letting you know I'm a woman so to show that it's a clear example of women having different opinions about things. The example was for everyone. I'm sure you're quite informed, I've seen you post before.
The first thing you break out on a date is to tell the girl how exotic she looks? Why not just say beautiful? And let's not pretend that most people handing out compliments are on dates. The circumstances are totally different, 75% of the time.
Getting to know someone humorous side and opinions has little to do with how they feel about being handed out compliments although they're strangers to you.
I'm fortunate that most of my best introductions with strangers has come from very polite introductions, (conversations depending on the situation. If I'm waiting on the bus, they're gonna talk to me about it, or crack a joke about the weather to get a conversation going, etc) because every time someone has bombarded me with a compliment to start talking, eventually the interaction fizzles out after they realize I'm a person and not an object.
Dude Abides
Banned
Me too. I like to tell women I meet "nice tits." If they can't take a compliment and don't want to be my friend, well that's their loss.
I beg your pardon?
N7Slayer24
Banned
Maybe you're just so uncommonly good looking that people have trouble coming up with the right adjective to describe you.
I guess the most that people could come up with is "exotic".
I think it is something of a 'backhanded compliment'.
Like, "you aren't white BUT still pretty, wow!".
DR2K
Banned
What I'm saying is that you have to reach pretty far to take "you're pretty for a whatever" from being called exotic.
I get it a lot being Jordanian and Armenian in Texas.
"Uncommonly good looking"Maybe you're just so uncommonly good looking that people have trouble coming up with the right adjective to describe you.
I guess the most that people could come up with is "exotic".
QuicheFontaine
Member
It's not though!
Edit:
I don't see how your self esteem can plummet from that, unless your self esteem is tied to a desire to look "usual".
My apologies for the snippy reply, then. I've seen that sort of statement used in a condescending manner on these sorts of threads, so I was too quick to read it in that way.
The funny part is that I agree with you: the word sounds creepy in most instances. Commenting on some celebrity on TV, no, but to a real person you are talking to in real life? Always struck me as a word that white dudes with an Asian fetish would use.
The irony is that the word is used more frequently when in a larger population and it's not the scarcity of the people in question. In fact it's the opposite which makes the use of the word more absurd.
I never thought about the scenario you presented though. That is interesting to hear.
Brianimaniac
Banned
To say what I said with less words would be "I'm not apologizing for having a different perspective on a word".
You're implying I have no empathy, and that's not the truth. It wasn't all that long ago that I called something "retarded" on another board and had a friend tell me that another poster's sister suffered from a mental disability, and even though that person never said anything to me, I felt terrible about it, apologized for being an idiot, and haven't used that word since. That wasn't a matter of people having a different perspective on something, it was me being a thoughtless person and saying a terrible thing.
I will apologize for something like that in a second, and the apology will be sincere. I will not apologize when I'm complementing someone with a word and they take it differently than I'm intending it.
Is that not okay? Some people just don't consider themselves exotic. Or even different.
At the bolded, would you say I'm... exotic?
No but really cut that out.I enjoy compliments when the situation is appropriate. I've been told I have a cute smile by cashiers at the movies, been flattered by very nice men who talk to me first and reserve their opinions until they've complimented me on something very personal (like my intelligence or that I was adorable for being weird), I've been given compliments that matter, that are effective and lift my spirit when I was down.
That's a world different from majority of the time where it's not nice and I'm subjected to cat calls and aggressive behavior. Just yesterday a guy told me I was a girl out of his dreams and despite my clear discomfort, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, he was singing at me.
Was I suppose to feel complimented by that?
Why the fuck is a stranger under the impression this is appropriate?
Well, I can neither speak for your looks or the intention of the people who say it to you, however your avatar reminded me that I would certainly call Cumberbatch exotic looking and have heard him described the same. Given his large female fan base, I would certainly say they are meaning it as a positive.
RockTurtle
Member
Because where i am from, from the times i have used it, it was taken as a positive compliment by the people i said it to. and if they are fine with it, then i can use it with them. and now we are friends. now i know you are the type of person who only accepts a specific list of compliments, and wont use them with you. I might not use the word with you. I might not use it ever, but it is a part of my vocabulary and one that is common from where i am from (i won't touch the 75% thing cause that's just a random number methinks)
i understand that where you come from you have different mannerisms and certain etiquette that you don't find appealing, but that doesn't mean what's normal for you is normal for me. or what you find appealing is the universal constant.
If i had gone through my usual mannerisms (that have resulted in friendships) and they failed on you, that doesn't mean they are flawed. it means you and i are not on the same plane. I know my intentions and if you misunderstood then that's a shame. i will try my best to apologize and make a better case for my intentions, which you don't have to accept. but that's just the lay of the land. a missed relationship. oh well c'est la vie.
too bad ishibear, we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend, we are not compatible :C (let's split the check 50/50)
In other words you don't give a fuck.
N7Slayer24
Banned
I don't think it's the same is being called "weird". More like out of the ordinary, not every day, or foreign?
I think people call you that because your appearance stands out, not because you're "not white". TBH regarding how you described yourself, the first word that came to my mind was "exotic".
I can sort of see how that would make you uncomfortable, but there's no ill intent behind the words.
At the bolded, would you say I'm... exotic?
I enjoy compliments when the situation is appropriate. I've been told I have a cute smile by cashiers at the movies, been flattered by very nice men who talk to me first and reserve their opinions until they've complimented me on something very personal (like my intelligence or that I was adorable for being weird), I've been given compliments that matter, that are effective and lift my spirit when I was down.
That's a world different from majority of the time where it's not nice and I'm subjected to cat calls and aggressive behavior. Just yesterday a guy told me I was a girl out of his dreams and despite my clear discomfort, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, he was singing at me.
Was I suppose to feel complimented by that?
Why the fuck is a stranger under the impression this is appropriate?
That is certainly inappropriate. I was not sure your meaning in your prior posts but I understand now. I certainly know women receive far more inappropriate attention-just didn't make the connection that you were referencing that before with your statements on compliments being a selfish announcement of the individuals feelings.
Likewise, I would agree that exotic can be used in inappropriate circumstances. I was not aware of its varied use in other places and how it sometimes is presented as a backhand compliment to some people. As I have said, I've never seen or heard it used before as a replacement of "you look good for an X minority." I do still think that in some circumstances it is a compliment, however, and that its use is not always meant or even received as an insult.
Brianimaniac
Banned
How foolish of me to baselessly assume I was having a discussion with a literate person. I sincerely apologize.
I personally find it very egotistical.
Basically, it only matters what I feel, not what anyone else feels.
You are bound to offend someone at some point in time, specially if you are from another culture or radical different upbringings or dozens other scenarios, so you can only expect at least the courtesy of explaining why it was offensive for a particular individual, never use it again with that particular individual or at large in some cases, and move on.
For "exotic", it's clearly a case by case basis. Not everyone is ok with it, but not everyone is against it either.
I wonder are any of the people doing this realizing it yet? Telling someone you don't think they should care is quite cold.
It's okay.
I don't personally see it as bad depending on the circumstances, but if strangers do it to someone they're just meeting, it's like calling someone strangely sexy and that's creepy you know? But yeah I mean just talking about someone to another person is one thing (like talking about a celebrity because they're never gonna hear you haha) but saying it directly to that person is creepy.
I'm sure your wife means no harm btw.
victreeb3l
Member
I guess if people are creepy about it, then sure. But the word isnt inherently negative.
I dont think thats the case. I mean white guys / girls get called exotic by other white people too. I always felt it meant they look different / unique from other people where they are. It doesnt always have to be about race, it often is used to describe someones fashion styles as well.
QuicheFontaine
Member
People are different though. If you look different, you look different. I don't see how that's arguable.
I'm a white guy, and when I went to India people wanted to get photos with me, because in that place I was I was different. It wouldn't matter if I didn't consider myself different, I was, and it was plain to see. Maybe some of them thought I looked weird, maybe some thought I looked exotic - I know which one I would prefer them to think.
And look, of course I subscribe to the notion that we're all the same on the inside, but people aren't colourblind. As for the idea that we should never call each other exotic, I think it's fine to appreciate differences and it's fine to be complementary. If I thought someone who looked different to me was weird-looking, I'd keep my mouth shut because that's rude to say.
Brianimaniac
Banned
I don't mean to post this to contradict you, but I couldn't help but look to see what kinds of words people use to describe him, and I came across this:
"Benedict is this sort of beautiful, exotic creature. Hes never going to play an ordinary man, cause he couldnt. Thats not what hes like, but he will tell the stories of great men."
Steven Moffat
I thought this was an interesting example to bring up because it's outside the contexts a lot of us are discussing. It's a straight white man talking about another straight white man.
I think it's a bit more. Being social requires more than one person and in order to help build empathy between the parties, you should be able to understand where someone is coming from. Intent is the difference between ignorance and malice I think.
I accept the difference in culture and my goal is not to tell you you're wrong or anything, simply to add perspective and help you understand why it's uncomfortable for some where you're used to the opposite.
Did you just reduce this whole conversation to a date? I know you're joking but that's pretty hurtful. I'm engaging in fruitful conversation with you and you turn it into a joke about our compatibility. Please don't do that.
I'm quite sensitive so while I may be over reacting, I'm not gonna pretend I'm okay with this.
Thank you for listening.
I agree, I think it's getting a little ridiculous at this point.
jhmtehgamr20xx
Banned
I don't think it's an insult. I've been called "exotic" at times and have called other people exotic. It carries the same meaning as calling a Ferrari or Lamborghini exotic; it's meant as a compliment of sexiness and appeal.
Truly, I do not understand the sexy person who is called "exotic" and somehow takes complete offense to it.
Truly, I do not understand the sexy person who is called "exotic" and somehow takes complete offense to it.
I don't think it's ridiculous that people will be offended by this word.
What is ridiculous is using the fact that some people will be offended to try to suggest everyone should stop using it.
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