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[Misha]

Curious for people who try to use "tough love" fairly often: is it mostly reserved for people you care about?


That's pretty much how I am with arguing. For the most part I'm not willing to argue with someone that doesn't matter much to me. Just pointless but for people that matter to me I want to help them improve where I think they could use more perspective

I'd imagine that's the case but not sure

 

[Jobbs]

"Tough love" is mostly bullshit. It's usually just people being mean and angry and judgemental and calling it tough love.

There may be cases where it's appropriate but most times I've seen it used in my life it didn't seem necessary or perhaps even do more harm than good

 

[Vazra]

"Tough love" is mostly bullshit. It's usually just people being mean and angry and judgemental and calling it tough love.

There may be cases where it's appropriate but most times I've seen it used in my life it didn't seem necessary or perhaps even do more harm than good

Agree and sometimes that tough love can simply make people more insecure about themselves. Not everyone will react positively to that and seriously the less some people need is more stress on top of them when sometimes what they want is to be heard or want to hear simple suggestions or words of support.

 

[liliththepale]

Tough love should be what it's called to prefer Gosling over Reynolds. Ew.

Okay, going back to sleep now

 

[SolVanderlyn]

Tough love should be what it's called to prefer Gosling over Reynolds. Ew.

Okay, going back to sleep now

I get them confused all the time.

 

[Misha]

"Tough love" is mostly bullshit. It's usually just people being mean and angry and judgemental and calling it tough love.

There may be cases where it's appropriate but most times I've seen it used in my life it didn't seem necessary or perhaps even do more harm than good

We already had this argument

But to add something new: I think doing it right and wrong is similar to the difference between assertive and aggressive but people often as you said use it as a justification for being more of the aggressive


Rn tho I just asked cause I want to understand

 

[FloatOn]

Curious for people who try to use "tough love" fairly often: is it mostly reserved for people you care about?


That's pretty much how I am with arguing. For the most part I'm not willing to argue with someone that doesn't matter much to me. Just pointless but for people that matter to me I want to help them improve where I think they could use more perspective

I'd imagine that's the case but not sure

For me I pass out "tough love" when two things happen. One is when I care about the person, it may be hard to believe because how I come off sometimes but I absolutely want the best for everyone. The other is when I have been effected by the type of problem the person is experiencing.

In RNH case, it reminded me of my bipolar brother who put my family through hell because he didn't seek medical help as quickly as he should have (he made similar excuses that RNH did). This manifested in anger and irritation but in all honesty I really do want the best for RNH

I'll also add that for me, there was a time shortly before the divorce a couple of my friends sat me down at a lunch and was basically like "what are you doing with your life man? You are working just to work so that you can support your wife, you don't love your job and you aren't pursuing your passions, you need to get your ass back in school and look out for yourself"

At the time I was extremely offended but eventually I realized they were looking out for me and that kick in the ass will always be what I credit for me getting the motivation to finish my degree

 

[Bko]

"Tough love" is mostly bullshit. It's usually just people being mean and angry and judgemental and calling it tough love.

There may be cases where it's appropriate but most times I've seen it used in my life it didn't seem necessary or perhaps even do more harm than good

Preach, sweet brother.

The best change you can achieve is through yourself. Take the positive aspect of your personality that strives to improve your situation and use that hidden strength of yours to fight your negative sides.

 

[RobotNinjaHornets]

On the being banned thing: it's something with an actual consequence. I like talking to you lot and my ability to do that will be somewhat fucked if I get banned. Like, telling me to go is all well and good but nothing will happen if I don't, not really. That's all it is. You might think it's dumb, but it's worth trying at least.

 

[Jobbs]

Tough love should be what it's called to prefer Gosling over Reynolds. Ew.

Okay, going back to sleep now

Maybe when you wake up you'll discover you wrote something that makes no sense

On the being banned thing: it's something with an actual consequence. I like talking to you lot and my ability to do that will be somewhat fucked if I get banned. Like, telling me to go is all well and good but nothing will happen if I don't, not really. That's all it is. You might think it's dumb, but it's worth trying at least.

I prefer carrot. I'll draw a cool picture of you if you go

I'll also say that self improvement and change can sometimes take "practice", in a manner of speaking. That's been my experience. So you failed this time -- But you tried, so you've gained some XP and you'll succeed one of the next times

 

[liliththepale]

On the being banned thing: it's something with an actual consequence. I like talking to you lot and my ability to do that will be somewhat fucked if I get banned. Like, telling me to go is all well and good but nothing will happen if I don't, not really. That's all it is. You might think it's dumb, but it's worth trying at least.

Treat failure to go through as its own consequence, because it is. You'll beat yourself up and you'll miss getting help again.

Maybe when you wake up you'll discover you wrote something that makes no sense

I know. It doesn't make sense that anyone would prefer Gosling. Maybe I misread you previously.

 

[Misha]

For me I pass out "tough love" when two things happen. One is when I care about the person, it may be hard to believe because how I come off sometimes but I absolutely want the best for everyone. The other is when I have been effected by the type of problem the person is experiencing.

In RNH case, it reminded me of my bipolar brother who put my family through hell because he didn't seek medical help as quickly as he should have (he made similar excuses that RNH did). This manifested in anger and irritation but in all honesty I really do want the best for RNH

I see. Sorta obvious but I just wanted to make sure cause it's nice to be able to see where someone is coming from (and I did hear the thing about your brother before but I wasn't sure if that type of thing would normally apply or not)

Also, something that's worth changing the tone for to be more optimistic: should have isn't really useful since the choice was made and it's not worth being upset over since you can't change it. Instead think more in the lines of could have as in it was a possibility not not the one that happened or better yet "it would have been nice if" as in that was the preferable outcome but it didn't happen so oh well we'll learn from that and do our best to get it right next time. Language can do a lot to improve ones mindset even if it's subtle

 

[Jobbs]

Treat failure to go through as its own consequence, because it is. You'll beat yourself up and you'll miss getting help again.


I know. It doesn't make sense that anyone would prefer Gosling. Maybe I misread you previously.

I don't understand why "tough love" means liking gosling over reynolds. The phrase makes no sense.

I like them both rather a lot but I prefer Gosling

 

[zeemumu]

Who leaves a half full bottle of champagne in a parking structure...


Hmm, seems like I missed something in here.

To me, tough love is a valid strategy at motivating people sometimes, but if it's the only motivation that you know them it becomes the result of a failure get ideas across in a rational and compelling manner. Kinda like trying to brute force everything. It'll work eventually but when you do it all the time it becomes apparent that you don't actually know what you're doing.

 

[Misha]

I don't understand why "tough love" means liking gosling over reynolds. The phrase makes no sense.

I like them both rather a lot but I prefer Gosling

I'm pretty sure she meant more like people who prefer gosling should be given tough love to show them they're delusional. She's probably too tired to say it right

Spoiler

#teamgosling

 

[Jobbs]

Who leaves a half full bottle of champagne in a parking structure...


Hmm, seems like I missed something in here.

To me, tough love is a valid strategy at motivating people sometimes, but if it's the only motivation that you know them it becomes the result of a failure get ideas across in a rational and compelling manner. Kinda like trying to brute force everything. It'll work eventually but when you do it all the time it becomes apparent that you don't actually know what you're doing.

Usually the people who "need tough love" are emotionally fragile or otherwise damaged and creating a negative experience would compound their problems instead of motivate them to do something positive

How about just love without the tough part? That seems best. If you can't help someone with that then yelling at them won't work, they probably need a professional and I assure you the professional isn't going to be yelling at them

She's probably too tired to say it right

which is what I said in the first place =p

 

[zeemumu]

Usually the people who "need tough love" are emotionally fragile or otherwise damaged and creating a negative experience would compound their problems instead of motivate them to do something positive

How about just love without the tough part? That seems best. If you can't help someone with that then yelling at them won't work, they probably need a professional and I assure you the professional isn't going to be yelling at them

Pretty much. There are other methods of helping someone besides shaking them violently and yelling at them. If you can't discern that tough love isn't going to work then you need to do something else.

Anyway, I need context. Give me a cliff notes version

 

[FloatOn]

I see. Sorta obvious but I just wanted to make sure cause it's nice to be able to see where someone is coming from (and I did hear the thing about your brother before but I wasn't sure if that type of thing would normally apply or not)

Also, something that's worth changing the tone for to be more optimistic: should have isn't really useful since the choice was made and it's not worth being upset over since you can't change it. Instead think more in the lines of could have as in it was a possibility not not the one that happened or better yet "it would have been nice if" as in that was the preferable outcome but it didn't happen so oh well we'll learn from that and do our best to get it right next time. Language can do a lot to improve ones mindset even if it's subtle

yeah, I'm working on this. and it's doubly true due to the binary nature of communication on the internet. all we have is words on the page and so intent isn't exactly obvious.

if you people don't see a change in the way I communicate in the next little bit feel free to call me out on it.

Usually the people who "need tough love" are emotionally fragile or otherwise damaged and creating a negative experience would compound their problems instead of motivate them to do something positive

How about just love without the tough part? That seems best. If you can't help someone with that then yelling at them won't work, they probably need a professional and I assure you the professional isn't going to be yelling at them

I'll also add that for me, there was a time shortly before the divorce a couple of my friends sat me down at a lunch and was basically like "what are you doing with your life man? You are working just to work so that you can support your wife, you don't love your job and you aren't pursuing your passions, you need to get your ass back in school and look out for yourself"

At the time I was extremely offended but eventually I realized they were looking out for me and that kick in the ass will always be what I credit for me getting the motivation to finish my degree

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

This quote from The West Wing seems apt.

Leo McGarry: This guy's walkin' down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.

 

[Misha]

yeah, I'm working on this. and it's doubly true due to the binary nature of communication on the internet. all we have is words on the page and so intent isn't exactly obvious.

if you people don't see a change in the way I communicate in the next little bit feel free to call me out on it.

I had cognitive behavioral therapy which helped a decent bit. It was more for internal negativity though


That thing you responded to jobbs with reminded me that interventions fit this kind of thing spot on. Tho i don't know if they work well

I do have a friend though that was playing games too often because he was streaming and constantly wanted to provide more entertainment. He missed some meals and stuff because of it and all of our friends told him that we were worried about him. Specifically I told him that he needs to be more selfish since his self care should always come first

 

[AcridMeat]

Going to be listening to the Turbo Kid OST all day while working from home.

Fuck it's so good.

 

[zeemumu]

I had cognitive behavioral therapy which helped a decent bit. It was more for internal negativity though


That thing you responded to jobbs with reminded me that interventions fit this kind of thing spot on. Tho i don't know if they work well

I do have a friend though that was playing games too often because he was streaming and constantly wanted to provide more entertainment. He missed some meals and stuff because of it and all of our friends told him that we were worried about him. Specifically I told him that he needs to be more selfish since his self care should always come first

It's always weird when you tell someone to be more selfish but it's pretty much true on those cases. I had a lot of problems with putting myself last to a self destructive level.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

this was before I began my presentation.
inb4 desaster. "I've made a huge mistake"

Presentations... have changed...

 

[SystemBug]

omg trabs is sooo cute.

and yeah tough love. it can work if done right.

also reynolds. in terms of looks. and i guess likeability as well

 

[Misha]

It's always weird when you tell someone to be more selfish but it's pretty much true on those cases. I had a lot of problems with putting myself last to a self destructive level.

There came a point where I realized that the people I was willing to defer to didn't have my best interest in mind. It crushed me but it allowed me to take care of myself better

 

[FloatOn]

Going to be listening to the Turbo Kid OST all day while working from home.

Fuck it's so good.

I love that movie and you're right the soundtrack is so good.

also Apple is a hottie

I want a sexy

Spoiler

robot

friend to ride bike with

 

[AcridMeat]

She's incredibly cute in that movie.

My friend and I said "I want oooone" at the same time.

 

[Ceallach]

OMG, getting sent on a fucking goose chase looking for my new command.

 

[Misha]

At the end of every episode of jimmy neutron, why did we need to know that monkeys mane was Paul?

 

[SolVanderlyn]

At the end of every episode of jimmy neutron, why did we need to know that monkeys mane was Paul?

Weirdest eyecatch ever

 

[zeemumu]

At the end of every episode of jimmy neutron, why did we need to know that monkeys mane was Paul?

What did Axel do in Twisted Metal 2 that warranted his father strapping him into a two wheeled torture device?

 

[WhereAreMahDragonz]

I take this stuff serious.

I prodded the fuck out of em.

She did, and it helped

But then again I'm used to / actually do shit when faced with tough love and I know not everyone is like that so

 

[Misha]

What did Axel do in Twisted Metal 2 that warranted his father strapping him into a two wheeled torture device?

Wat

 

[zeemumu]

Wat

.

 

[trab pu kcip]

I have a kitten. It doesn't exactly give kisses but it does stare intently and sometimes rubs its face on me.

it also jumps on the table and bats the pen when I'm trying to make a grocery list

WHY U DO DIZ TO ME

Presentations... have changed...

lol

 

[Vazra]

Tekken family is the worst. Didn't Heihachi throw his son into a Volcano? Like Hot Damn.

 

[Numb]

Tekken family is the worst. Didn't Heihachi throw his son into a Volcano? Like Hot Damn.

Yes

You mean the best?

 

[SystemBug]

Tekken family is the worst. Didn't Heihachi throw his son into a Volcano? Like Hot Damn.

"tough love"

 

[Vazra]

"tough love"

9 games (counting tag 1 and 2) and the family continues fighting each other. Seems accurate.

 

[Funky Papa]

Going to be listening to the Turbo Kid OST all day while working from home.

Fuck it's so good.

Yes.

Also, Laurence Leboeuf is 2 cyote.

 

[RobotNinjaHornets]

Tekken family is the worst. Didn't Heihachi throw his son into a Volcano? Like Hot Damn.

Was that meant to be a pun?

 

[Funky Papa]

Friendly reminder that fighting games' stories are laughable garbage and fans who take them to heart are best ignored.

Edit: Fuuuuck you Acrid. Now I'm on a LeMatos binge.

 

[Vazra]

Was that meant to be a pun?

Not really.

Friendly reminder that fighting games' stories are laughable garbage and fans who take them to heart are best ignored.

I enjoy having laughs over the dumb shit that happens in fighters. I mean DOA4 has a fight over a damn cabbage.

 

[AcridMeat]

Friendly reminder that fighting games' stories are laughable garbage and fans who take them to heart are best ignored.

Edit: Fuuuuck you Acrid. Now I'm on a LeMatos binge.

I've been listening to the OST since I woke up 2 hours ago.

 

[Funky Papa]

Not really.



I enjoy having laughs over the dumb shit that happens in fighters. I mean DOA4 has a fight over a damn cabbage.

Oh man, that DOA4 video. I did not remember clipping being that awful.

 

[Granadier]

RIP

I said dont die god damnit!

 

[zeemumu]

Still working on a way to change my amazon echo alarm to the overture from phantom of the opera.

 

[Granadier]

Nope. The last time I gave RNH tough love grenadier and vaz flipped out and I think I was even told I was being put on ignore

Your's was directly attacking RNH for his personal difficulties and also saying that depression/social anxiety are not legitimate things because you should "stop doing that" rather than seek help. Then you went on to defend that those problems aren't legitimate. This is why I ignored you and you received the backlash.

Holly's what more of a cattle prod in the ass to get his shit together and seek help. Brutal, but for the sake of him going to the doctor.

 

[Misha]

Still working on a way to change my amazon echo alarm to the overture from phantom of the opera.

Best alarm song is always I got you babe

 

[zeemumu]

Best alarm song is always I got you babe

But nothing says "wake the fuck up" like that organ in the overture