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[mocolostrocolos]

Any news on Cazorla transfer?

 

[Salazar]

Facebook muppets are getting restless.

They should install a big screen at Old Trafford that streams comments from MUFC facebook. Remind the players what they're fighting for.

 

[Arnie]

Careful or you'll end up sounding like Arnie.

I don't know what you mean.

Rob Harris ‏@RobHarris
Aquilani has completed move from Liverpool to Fiorentina #lfc
Retweeted by Phil McNulty

For the best, although it's time Liverpool brought some players in.

 

[90TilInfinity]

Any news on Cazorla transfer?

Jamie Sanderson ‏@YoungGunsBlog
Santi Cazorla at the Arsenal training ground this morning to complete move. Met the players. Medical done. Virtually done now.

Should be announced later today.

 

[Wilbur]

Posted?

Fulham summer signing Hugo Rodallega has introduced himself to his new teammates by describing in minute detail his technique for performing oral sex on a woman, according to reports from Craven Cottage.

“We were a little taken aback,” admitted Norwegian defender Brede Hangeland. “The gaffer had just said a few words about how pleased he was to have Hugo on board, and he asked Hugo if he wanted to say anything, and Hugo just stood up and said with a very serious expression that he was excellent at cunnilingus.”

“I think he must have taken our silence for confusion, because he spent the next twenty minutes telling us about cunnilingus and how he thinks it should be done.”

According to Hangeland, Rodallega emphasised the importance of appropriate music to set the mood, such as Get Ready by The Temptations, perhaps accompanied by a sexy dance. This should be followed by something more sensual, like Angel by Massive Attack, or Sex Room by Ludicris, for the cunnilingus itself.

“I like to have a firm, but not over-firm, grasp of her buttocks, and I like to let her know that I find her scent is enticing, by making appreciative noises,” Rodellaga reportedly told his new colleagues, who listened in increasing discomfort as the ex-Wigan man discussed “stamina exercises for the tongue” that they could perform while engaged in other tasks, such as cooking, reading, or playing football.

Rodallega’s former Wigan teammate Ben Watson confirmed to FourFourTwo.com that the Honduran’s preoccupation with cunnilingus is nothing new.

“I’ve never met any of Hugo’s girlfriends,” Watson remarked, “But if he’s half as good at performing cunnilingus as he is at scoring goals then he’d be, well, reasonably good at cunnilingus, I suppose.”

 

[Arnie]

what the fuck

 

[GorillaJu]

New found respect for Hugo. Should have brought him in at Liverpool, apparently Andy Carroll could use a few lessons.

 

[Salazar]

 

[D_prOdigy]

 

[Salazar]

Lindegaard just signed a new four year deal. Good lad.

 

[Wilbur]

Lindegaard just signed a new four year deal. Good lad.

Such a solid back up to have

 

[Hixx]

The part that Wilbury left out of the article is the best.

 

[Arnie]

Lindegaard just signed a new four year deal. Good lad.

Thought he was better than De Gea in the brief flashes I saw of him last season.

 

[Vivalaraza]

Great news that about Anders.

Not better than De Gea IMO. More consistent I guess but De Gea can make saves Lindegaard can't. Great option to have nonetheless.

 

[fadetoblack]

Filippo Carobbio, the guy who has made accusations against Antonio Conte, has been heavily vandalized by Juventinos. Some good lines:

Early Life
At school Carobbio was an unpopular child due to his reputation as the school snitch, it is known that at 7 he successfully accused a fellow schoolgirl of stealing money from the church basket despite her not actually being present at the 'incident', she was later sentenced to death.

He is an FIGC plant extraordinaire, and made up a bunch of lies to plea bargain himself out of a lifetime ban. Not that it would have made much difference, because no one was actually aware that he was a footballer up until that point.

Childish, but I like the last bit. Honestly, NEVER heard of this guy before this.

 

[Wilbur]

Great news that about Anders.

Not better than De Gea IMO. More consistent I guess but De Gea can make saves Lindegaard can't. Great option to have nonetheless.

Yeah, this.

 

[Tc91]

Still can't believe De Gea's save from the Mata freekick. So good.

 

[Kamakazie!]

I really don't understand. They were booing Suarez when he had the ball - that is almost expected now, and he didn't once comment about that. They also booed when the Uruguayan national anthem was being played before the game - that is unacceptable and was what Suarez was commenting on.

I don't really know how I can make my thoughts clearer than that. Why is it okay to boo the national anthem?

is there a video where booing is audible? As I said before, I didn't notice any at the match but I may not have been listening.

 

[Arnie]

Still can't believe De Gea's save from the Mata freekick. So good.

Was about to bring that up. Properly ridiculous save.

Need a pot noodle and a glass of orange to wake my brain up.

 

[GorillaJu]

Speaking of GKs I'd love the rumors about Liverpool signing Butland to be true. Going to be a fantastic keeper – no doubts about that

 

[Wilbur]

Some more Manchester United Facebook page quotes

saf...please slut my penis....please

In old days ppl had farms- now we hav procesd food.we can do same by goin 4 th big player.no more tryin 2 cook 4rm our own farm wit bad crop

inough is inough!25 yrs isnt a jk!siralex nd his pal gigs must b forced 2 retire,they must b banned!alex is abusin d record of coachingrules

sir fergunson: please, control ur orgasms

nothing less than three points is good enough but id settle for a draw

buy ronaldo and messi den well win carling cup

miky phelan the rapist shortshorts man

Always be yourself, unless you can be Bebe then be Bebe

IF WE SIGN VANPERSIE I WILL JIZZ MY PANTS INTO NILE RIVER

 

[Hixx]

I like the processed food one.

 

[Vivalaraza]

I like the processed food one.

Me too.

It's actually a good point too.

 

[Carbonox]

:lol

Always be yourself, unless you can be Bebe then be Bebe

This I can get behind.

 

[Arnie]

They've got to be a joke, surely.

 

[Vivalaraza]

I think most of them are.

Not sure which I'd rather. It would be kinda sad if they aren't genuine. But then it's kinda sad if they are.

 

[Willkiller]

Some fake, some real.

Let's play....."MAN U FACEBOOK CALL MY BLUFF"

 

[Wilbur]

I do wish we had Queiroz back instead of miky phelan the rapist shortshorts man

 

[Arnie]

I do wish we had Queiroz back instead of miky phelan the rapist shortshorts man

My mate went to school with Phelan's daughter, said she was a right munter.

For some reason I just typed 'shortshorts' to see if my spellcheck would accept it.

 

[Fry]

Some more Manchester United Facebook page quotes

IF WE SIGN VANPERSIE I WILL JIZZ MY PANTS INTO NILE RIVER

This one is you!

 

[Vivalaraza]

Fergie says no more signings.

"we worked hard this summer to add to the squad, we've brought in two excellent young players to add to an already fantastic squad, we'll get a reaction to losing the league, no doubt about that. Thats the great thing about this club, we always respond. I'm delighted with my squad, it's got great balance between youth and experience, with having Paul Scholes available from the start of the season this year that will make a huge difference, the transfer market is closed for us now and i couldn't be happier with who we've signed, we've answered our critiics, no question about that"

"we're done. Arsenal chose to make our interest in RVP public but the prices are astronomical. Our supporters like to see us bring through our own players anyhow. Whats the point of giving Petrucci a new deal if we're going to go out and buy a midfielder who isn't any better, we looked around and ultimately we all kept coming back to Petrucci. As for Left back, we are happy with Blackett's progress, Robbie Brady could play there and if need be Nani could play in there"

Spoiler

Made up. But I believed it all until I got to the line about Nani. Scary. Expecting to here something like this over the next week or two.

 

[Arnie]

This one is you!

True story, the Nile River's source is located 34 metres below Wilbury's bedroom, and he's developed a winch system to lower himself down to it, for jizzing into it, and whatnot.

 

[Wilbur]

This one is you!

I'll jizz my pants into the river if we don't spend millions on an almost 30 year old one season wonder

Fergie says no more signings.

Spoiler

Made up. But I believed it all until I got to the line about Nani. Scary. Expecting to here something like this over the next week or two.

I fucking believed it too haha, got the lingo Fergie uses down well.

 

[Arnie]

Apparently Allen's a done deal, very reputable source who delivers the team news every week said it's been agreed at £12.5m, with performance based rises taking it up to £15m. Contract has been agreed for a while, £40k a week.

 

[LegoArmo]

Allen played pretty well for Team GB. Could be a bit more exciting than I thought, just thought he did the simple things well, but that ball for Sturridge was sexy.

 

[Arnie]

Allen played pretty well for Team GB. Could be a bit more exciting than I thought, just thought he did the simple things well, but that ball for Sturridge was sexy.

The ball for Sturridge was by Cleverley, if I remember correctly. In fact I'm thinking of the chip against UAE, not the goal against Uruguay. That was a lovely little ball, and pretty much scored the goal himself.

But I agree, he's a lovely little player, very good at keeping the game moving with a sublime passing range, decent tackler (which is good because he can deputise for Lucas in that holding role), and he's got good pace on him. The midfield is vital for the way Rodgers wants to play, and Allen was central to how well it worked at Swansea. Hope this also means Gerrard can be pushed into the attacking midfield position.

 

[natureboy46]

Apparently Allen's a done deal, very reputable source who delivers the team news every week said it's been agreed at £12.5m, with performance based rises taking it up to £15m. Contract has been agreed for a while, £40k a week.

Much will be made of the fee but really it's the wages that are the story. 40k a week is next to nothing in the prem.

If Joe Cole is on 100k a week (could possibly be more I guess) then his 'free' transfer cost the club close to 21 million over 4 years.

 

[Yen]

Think Allen and Lucas will be a fantastic partnership.

 

[caramac]

(Y)

Prince William is not impressed.

Looks like he just sharted tbf.

The guy sat in front confirms this.

 

[bjaelke]

Much will be made of the fee but really it's the wages that are the story. 40k a week is next to nothing in the prem.

We're still paying part of Aquilani's wages for the next two years. It's important to keep that in mind as Allen is set to replace him in the squad.

 

[Arnie]

Much will be made of the fee but really it's the wages that are the story. 40k a week is next to nothing in the prem.

If Joe Cole is on 100k a week (could possibly be more I guess) then his 'free' transfer cost the club close to 21 million over 4 years.

Exactly. Not to mention we've cleared off a ton of deadwood from the wage bill already, a season without Aquilani will pay for Allen, and even if Aquilani stayed there's no guarantee that he'd have featured much.

Seeing Joe Cole go down injured last night was terrifying. I really hope we sell him, although at this point which club are stupid enough to match his wages?

Think Allen and Lucas will be a fantastic partnership.

Yep, we just need to sort out who's the preferred starter at the front of the three. Gerrard and Shelvey, probably, just a shame we missed out on Gylfi.

We're still paying part of Aquilani's wages for the next two years. It's important to keep that in mind as Allen is set to replace him in the squad.

Oh god. I didn't know this, where did you hear it? What a mess.

 

[Vivalaraza]

Premierleague have announced an U-21 competition which starts in a few weeks. Group stages and then knock out. Designed to bridge the gap between the academy and first team. This sounds great.

 

[bjaelke]

Oh god. I didn't know this, where did you hear it? What a mess.

The transfer fee the Reds will receive is around £5.5m, but they will have to make some contribution towards the player’s wages as he still had two years to run on high earning contract at Anfield, and refused to take a big pay cut in order to move.

http://www.kopsource.com/alberto-aquilani-seals-fiorentina-switch/

 

[Vivalaraza]

Is what Morsel said about Dalglish taking his severance pay true? If so that means Liverpool spent £16m alone on changing management this summer.

Take Allen and Borini into account and the outlay is edging towards £40m.

 

[Arnie]

Premierleague have announced an U-21 competition which starts in a few weeks. Group stages and then knock out. Designed to bridge the gap between the academy and first team. This sounds great.

Just saw that, great news. More of this needed.

http://www.kopsource.com/alberto-aquilani-seals-fiorentina-switch/

Shit.

Is what Morsel said about Dalglish taking his severance pay true? If so that means Liverpool spent £16m alone on changing management this summer.

Don't know where he got it from.

All I heard from various sources on Twitter is, imminently after he left, that he'd refused it.

 

[Slizz]

US Women play in 10 minutes

 

[Arnie]

US Women play in 10 minutes

Will watch for that babe in your avatar, what's her name and where does she play?

 

[Slizz]

Will watch for that babe in your avatar, what's her name and where does she play?

Alex Morgan. Plays up top CF/ST. Her and Abby Wambach the other striker kinda float around wherever.

 

[GorillaJu]

Is what Morsel said about Dalglish taking his severance pay true? If so that means Liverpool spent £16m alone on changing management this summer.

Take Allen and Borini into account and the outlay is edging towards £40m.

Kenny Dalglish has left his job as Liverpool manager
IT SPREAD around social networking sites to the point that it was regarded as fact.

“Kenny Dalglish has asked that the £8million compensation owed to him after his sacking be put towards new Liverpool signings. Amazing gesture,” was tweeted and retweeted.

Angry phone calls were fielded at the Echo yesterday demanding to know why the story hadn’t made it into print.

The simple reason is it’s not true. The exact terms of Dalglish’s severance package remain confidential but he rightly walked away with a generous pay-off and the figure was agreed by all parties involved.

From James Pearce at the Liverpool Echo.

Indeed we've dropped a lot of money on extraordinary circumstances. People who slate the owners for a lack of investment should remember how much they've had to shell out to restructure the management.

 

[dc89]

I love the MUFC Facebook;

wazza sumtimes 2 shy. Fuck da opposition lyk yu fuck da stripper!