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[Schwarzbier]

Having sex with other people is a break from most established relationship patterns as far as I know. Also, just because you try to start pursuing other people does not mean the tie is now superficial unless the relationship was defined by exclusive sex rather than emotional bonds.

I've never taken a "break", but if my girl started to have a discussion with that word in it I'd probably just break up with her right then. If it's an excuse to go have sex with somebody else without "officially" leaving the relationship I want no part of it.

Also, OP, you are a hero.

 

[RoninChaos]

Thanks man. It's complicated. I've been in touch with my ex a few times over the year in a bid to keep things out of the courts in case things don't go well. Sometimes she'll agree to send her up to stay with me for a week, but she'll always backpedal. I've been working on getting legal representation from the state, but getting appointed an attorney for family matters is much more difficult than for criminal matters. To answer the question, she ran off and I'm still struggling.

I forgot to mention that I haven't been able to even attempt contact for 8 months out of the year because I was ordered not to be in contact with the "victim". I have talked to my daughter a hand full of times, but she's only 2 so she can't really communicate, and she's distractible.

My mother flew down to Georgia back in July while I still couldn't contact my ex and was able to visit with her for two nights in a hotel room. She even snuck a FaceTime with me. The hardest part was that she didn't seem to recognize me and it had only been 5 months at that point.

This Christmas, I sent her a bunch of things, including a photo book of Christmas lights in Somerville (where we lived) and kids books about Boston with hips to jog her memory.

Skull face, where is she in georgia? Depending on the county, you may do better if you're able to lawyer up here.

 

[Bandit1]

Also, OP, you are a hero.

http://youtu.be/-DSVDcw6iW8


Back against the wall and odds
With the strength of a will and a cause
Your pursuits are called outstanding
You're emotionally complex
Against the grain of dystopic claims
Not the thoughts your actions entertain
And you, have proved, to be
A real human being
And a real hero

 

[Skullface]

Skull face, where is she in georgia? Depending on the county, you may do better if you're able to lawyer up here.

She's just outside Savannah if my geography isn't failing me.

 

[Foxy Fox 39]

I thought you were the grammar king? Surely 33 pages is nothing

Lol. Gaf never forgets.

 

[NeOak]

Lol. Gaf never forgets.

Indeed.

Now go and read.

 

[Veelk]

I've never taken a "break", but if my girl started to have a discussion with that word in it I'd probably just break up with her right then. If it's an excuse to go have sex with somebody else without "officially" leaving the relationship I want no part of it.

Also, OP, you are a hero.

Well, everyone's different. Really, the easy resolution to this debate is this: OP, when you and your girlfriend were on break, was it agreed (or did you atleast assume that) both you and she had freedom to pursue others sexually?

If so, then that's case closed.

 

[bomma_man]

why do people read the OP, or maybe the first page, then respond, ignoring the fact that the thread is 36 pages long. either read the thread or don't bother replying.

 

[HardRojo]

I'm in my house now. I was with my lady friend, we met each other years ago and we always had some sexual tension between us. She lives near a bar so we went there after the movie and had a few drinks, it started to rain so we went to her apartment. Anyways, the sex was bad, I wasn't even that hard but she is cool and wants to try it again.

The husband sent me a message on Whatsapp saying "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted, I understand you're upset, I've never intended to act upon it, you broke my family, bla bla bla" and a few more things, I might post the screenshot tomorrow.
Which I said "I'm not happy. I haven't broken your family, you did. I'm not the bad guy from the movie. You both crossed the line. I'm only letting your wife know the truth"

I'm off to bed now

OP you did good. No sé de qué país eres pero bien hecho, que se joda el esposo y ya no le respondas.
About that girl you are seeing now, don't force yourself to having sex with her if you don't feel like it yet, give it some time if necessary.

 

[Trey]

Do we have a Mandrake style summary on tap?

 

[NoctisVsStar]

OP you did good. No sé de qué país eres pero bien hecho, que se joda el esposo y ya no le respondas.
About that girl you are seeing now, don't force yourself to having sex with her if you don't feel like it yet, give it some time if necessary.

Sino me equivoco de Paraguay fellow Spanish gaffer

 

[Prologue]

Give OP tag!

 

[NolbertoS]

Sino me equivoco de Paraguay fellow Spanish gaffer

I thought he was from Argentina. Could've sworn he said the dude's brother met his ex in Buenos Aires.

 

[Always-honest]

I'm in my house now. I was with my lady friend, we met each other years ago and we always had some sexual tension between us. She lives near a bar so we went there after the movie and had a few drinks, it started to rain so we went to her apartment. Anyways, the sex was bad, I wasn't even that hard but she is cool and wants to try it again.

The husband sent me a message on Whatsapp saying "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted, I understand you're upset, I've never intended to act upon it, you broke my family, bla bla bla" and a few more things, I might post the screenshot tomorrow.
Which I said "I'm not happy. I haven't broken your family, you did. I'm not the bad guy from the movie. You both crossed the line. I'm only letting your wife know the truth"

I'm off to bed now

Well done.

 

[New002]

I'm in my house now. I was with my lady friend, we met each other years ago and we always had some sexual tension between us. She lives near a bar so we went there after the movie and had a few drinks, it started to rain so we went to her apartment. Anyways, the sex was bad, I wasn't even that hard but she is cool and wants to try it again.

The husband sent me a message on Whatsapp saying "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted, I understand you're upset, I've never intended to act upon it, you broke my family, bla bla bla" and a few more things, I might post the screenshot tomorrow.
Which I said "I'm not happy. I haven't broken your family, you did. I'm not the bad guy from the movie. You both crossed the line. I'm only letting your wife know the truth"

I'm off to bed now

For some reason that part slayed me.

 

[f0nz0]

OP is definitely feeling himself a bit too much, at this point. All he needed to do was ditch the girl. The rest is petty revenge.

I'm right here.. Everyone thinking op is some kind of hero... I don't know man... The Internet.. Relationships.. Everyone is an expert at how to handle things..

 

[Schwarzbier]

Well, everyone's different. Really, the easy resolution to this debate is this: OP, when you and your girlfriend were on break, was it agreed (or did you atleast assume that) both you and she had freedom to pursue others sexually?

If so, then that's case closed.

Oh, absolutely, if it's agreed upon and both parties are fine with it then by all means, it's all good, I just know for me that would never work.

 

[IdreamofHIME]

Doesn't matter how many guys she's really banging behind your back, if youre reading her private conversations then it's time to leave. You don't trust her.

 

[Skullface]

Doesn't matter how many guys she's really banging behind your back, if youre reading her private conversations then it's time to leave. You don't trust her.

There's a sad truth to this.

 

[Chairmanchuck]

Doesn't matter how many guys she's really banging behind your back, if youre reading her private conversations then it's time to leave. You don't trust her.

I still dont get this. I mean my gf can look at all the private convos I have and I can do the same. That doesnt mean I dont trust her.

Not that I need to, but I do not have anything to hide, so I never see why people make a big deal out of that.

 

[Always-honest]

There's a sad truth to this.

Well, i have a friend who does this all the time because he's paranoid and insecure as fuck.
Basicly ruining relationships with that behaviour.

Having said that, the last time he was spot on.

 

[Savitar]

I'm in my house now. I was with my lady friend, we met each other years ago and we always had some sexual tension between us. She lives near a bar so we went there after the movie and had a few drinks, it started to rain so we went to her apartment. Anyways, the sex was bad, I wasn't even that hard but she is cool and wants to try it again.

The husband sent me a message on Whatsapp saying "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted, I understand you're upset, I've never intended to act upon it, you broke my family, bla bla bla" and a few more things, I might post the screenshot tomorrow.
Which I said "I'm not happy. I haven't broken your family, you did. I'm not the bad guy from the movie. You both crossed the line. I'm only letting your wife know the truth"

I'm off to bed now

*Applauds*

 

[davepoobond]

I still dont get this. I mean my gf can look at all the private convos I have and I can do the same. That doesnt mean I dont trust her.

Not that I need to, but I do not have anything to hide, so I never see why people make a big deal out of that.

Real trust is not having access to those things and the same result happening.


laying all to bare is the cheapest way to attain that trust and as a result lessens the sanctity of it

 

[Kane1345]

Amazing thread, just caught up. OP with the amazing response to husband and ex too, you did good mate

 

[Tadaima]

OP, I believe what you said about your penis but this is starting to sound too good to be true.

 

[MindGamingMantis]

Break up with her. Ruin the guy's marriage and her career.

#win

 

[NIGHT-]

Story is starting to sound fake. Was entertaining though

 

[Dead Man]

You said you had a gun right? Why are you being so soft? You should have replied "Don't start none, won't be none. If u mad you can come see me. Ask that triflin ho what my address is. Btw, when you finally fuck her tell me how my dick tastes.

Glorified G

I think I see what you did there.

 

[GorillaJu]

Still think you should have gone to husband and threatened to tell his wife so he just cuts off communication with your ex and you kick her to the curb as well. A person's family is a precious thing and not something to toy with and its really not important to go teaching lessons to people in some misguided interest that they'll be better people in the future (when you won't know them anyway).

 

[Doomshroom]

Awsome job OP i know it feels bad i had a GF cheat on my and i did the exact thing you did.

Spoiler

i did the opposite and cried alot

 

[Dilly]

Still think you should have gone to husband and threatened to tell his wife so he just cuts off communication with your ex and you kick her to the curb as well. A person's family is a precious thing and not something to toy with and its really not important to go teaching lessons to people in some misguided interest that they'll be better people in the future (when you won't know them anyway).

The husband obviously didn't think it was precious enough to keep it in his pants. It boggles my mind that some people think it's OP's fault that his family is now in pieces.

 

[IsntChrisL]

Still think you should have gone to husband and threatened to tell his wife so he just cuts off communication with your ex and you kick her to the curb as well. A person's family is a precious thing and not something to toy with and its really not important to go teaching lessons to people in some misguided interest that they'll be better people in the future (when you won't know them anyway).

It's more like he emphasizes with the guy's wife because she was in the same spot but didn't know it was going on. Most people would want to know about this kind of shit.

 

[GorillaJu]

The husband obviously didn't think it was precious enough to keep it in his pants. It boggles my mind that some people think it's OP's fault that his family is now in pieces.

As far as we all know he did keep it in his pants. Yes the reason given for him not showing up is that he was sick, but it's entirely possible he just decided to back out because it was wrong, and gave her the scarf anyway because he had already bought it in advance.

It's more like he emphasizes with the guy's wife because she was in the same spot but didn't know it was going on. Most people would want to know about this kind of shit.

We all can empathize with both OP and the wife, but he is due some minimal human empathy as well. As far as OP is aware, he never cheated on his wife and any assumption that he did is weighted with too heavy of circumstances to make it a worthwhile basis for action.

I guess I just don't see the value of revenge or punitive action. Better to find a solution that allows OP to walk away from gf on the moral high ground but doesn't irreversibly damage another person's family.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

The husband actually believes you broke up his family. Jesus Christ. I hope you didn't try to argue with him OP, I don't really think a guy like that can be convinced.

 

[kmax]

I'm in my house now. I was with my lady friend, we met each other years ago and we always had some sexual tension between us. She lives near a bar so we went there after the movie and had a few drinks, it started to rain so we went to her apartment. Anyways, the sex was bad, I wasn't even that hard but she is cool and wants to try it again.

The husband sent me a message on Whatsapp saying "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted, I understand you're upset, I've never intended to act upon it, you broke my family, bla bla bla" and a few more things, I might post the screenshot tomorrow.
Which I said "I'm not happy. I haven't broken your family, you did. I'm not the bad guy from the movie. You both crossed the line. I'm only letting your wife know the truth"

I'm off to bed now

 

[norinrad]

If someone had some tangible evidence, I would have loved to have known sooner rather than later in my case. Everyone is different though... "None of your business" is probably always the safest bet.

Hell, that's the stance I took when I found out my brother was cheating on his wife. I just thought he was a dirtbag for a few months. Now they're getting a divorce, my sister in law has a new boyfriend, and the four of them go on double dates together. I just don't get life sometimes...

Sorry to hear about your troubles man, it sucks and totally not your fault, your girl will see that in the long run and what her mother did to you..

Happened to a guy whos two daughters were taking away by the mother as she moved in with the new guy. he didn't see them for years, they were by then teens. The only reason why their mother came clean was when she had cancer and with one step closer to hell. The older daughter was some what level headed but the younger one became quite radical and hated the mother for what she did. Anyway I really hope things work out for you. I can't imagine life without my little hero. Good luck man.

 

[Joel Was Right]

I read a dramatic break-up story not long ago. It was incredibly calculated.

The other man was married and so when he caught him, he forced him to break off contact with his gf - let her know its 'finished'. If he failed to do that, his wife would know about his affair. He agreed and the gf was heartbroken. She resented him.

She is then confronted by her boyfriend and he breaks up with her, to compound the misery. He then goes to the wife and exposes the husband to further hurt him.

Why did he play them both? To cause friction between the cheating pair so they wouldn't themselves form a relationship post-break up.

 

[Dilly]

As far as we all know he did keep it in his pants. Yes the reason given for him not showing up is that he was sick, but it's entirely possible he just decided to back out because it was wrong, and gave her the scarf anyway because he had already bought it in advance.



We all can empathize with both OP and the wife, but he is due some minimal human empathy as well. As far as OP is aware, he never cheated on his wife and any assumption that he did is weighted with too heavy of circumstances to make it a worthwhile basis for action.

I guess I just don't see the value of revenge or punitive action. Better to find a solution that allows OP to walk away from gf on the moral high ground but doesn't irreversibly damage another person's family.

Uhm, weren't there pictures and sex messages? That shit qualifies as cheating for me.

 

[Rocket Scientist]

Why did he play them both? To cause friction between the cheating pair so they wouldn't themselves form a relationship post-break up.

Genius.

 

[Revoh]

Good morning GAF.
I think I need to clarify some things before this thread is properly closed.
Look, some people don't believe what I've posted here these days, that's OK.
But why would I lie about this? I don't even post on GAF that much. If you read my first post you'll read I just needed to vent and I did and I thank all of you for reading me and giving me support.

As for my lady friend, like I said I know her for a very long time and I know she likes me, she literally said that to me a few times but I've never made any moves towards her because I respected my SO. My ex even know her and there were times when my ex would be going out with her friends at night and I'd the same thing with my lady friend and hers friends and that's it. It never escalated more than that. Also, she's the only person I talk about my life, including my relationship. So, what happens when you put two people on a bar, drinks, talking about a relationship that ended for good and having her place one block away. Give me a break. I'm not a bad guy.

As for me being badass and shit, I'm not. I never think of myself like that. In fact, I said to myself a bunch of times I'm the opposite of that, sometimes I feel like I'm the biggest loser in the world. I remember saying to my ex on Saturday night that I wanted my old life back. I want to forget she exists. I want to think all this time was just a dream. A lot of good things happened to me this year. My ex made me feel things I didn't know I could feel, I discovered a bunch of cool things with her, life was at one point spectacular but like I said to her I'd rather have my old life for a few months playing video games and living a "boring" but stable life. At least I didn't suffer like this around that time.

Have a good day, GAF.

 

[iamcool388]

As far as we all know he did keep it in his pants. Yes the reason given for him not showing up is that he was sick, but it's entirely possible he just decided to back out because it was wrong, and gave her the scarf anyway because he had already bought it in advance.



We all can empathize with both OP and the wife, but he is due some minimal human empathy as well. As far as OP is aware, he never cheated on his wife and any assumption that he did is weighted with too heavy of circumstances to make it a worthwhile basis for action.

I guess I just don't see the value of revenge or punitive action. Better to find a solution that allows OP to walk away from gf on the moral high ground but doesn't irreversibly damage another person's family.

In the matter of whether what the husband did qualifies as cheating, neither your nor anyone else's opinion matters. The only person whose opinion matters is the wife, and now she has the evidence and the information she needs to form an opinion.

If she sees things your way, then no harm done. If she sees it the way of most other people... isn't it better that she know and then make an informed decision about her life?

I am not arrogant enough to abrogate someone's decision making with a view that I am a better judge of whats good for them than they themselves. Neither should you.

 

[xam3l]

You don't have to feel like shit OP. I believe most of people here had his good share of bad relationships and most of them didn't handle the thing the way you did.

So yeah... you are a badass. For all its worth use gaf as an escape to take a few laughs and feel good about yourself.

 

[etrain911]

Quick update; I'm drunk and about to get laid. See you tomorrow GAF. The husband messaged me

There goes my hero....watch him as he goes. There goes my hero....he's ordinary....

Edit: Now you have a taste of what can happen and what can be. All you have to do is find someone who respects you the way you deserve to be respected, and you've taken a good first step by not allowing yourself to be treated the way you were.

 

[witchedwiz]

A significant other with no loyalty is worthless, drop her. That part is a no brainer, but exposing the guy to his wife is up for debate. I'd expose him just because I'd want someone to do the same for me instead of leaving me in the dark being cheated on. Tell her, show proof if you can, then leave it up to her and move on with your life.

This. Sad truth

 

[Ingeniero]

Good morning GAF.
I think I need to clarify some things before this thread is properly closed.
Look, some people don't believe what I've posted here these days, that's OK.
But why would I lie about this? I don't even post on GAF that much. If you read my first post you'll read I just needed to vent and I did and I thank all of you for reading me and giving me support.

As for my lady friend, like I said I know her for a very long time and I know she likes me, she literally said that to me a few times but I've never made any moves towards her because I respected my SO. My ex even know her and there were times when my ex would be going out with her friends at night and I'd the same thing with my lady friend and hers friends and that's it. It never escalated more than that. Also, she's the only person I talk about my life, including my relationship. So, what happens when you put two people on a bar, drinks, talking about a relationship that ended for good and having her place one block away. Give me a break. I'm not a bad guy.

As for me being badass and shit, I'm not. I never think of myself like that. In fact, I said to myself a bunch of times I'm the opposite of that, sometimes I feel like I'm the biggest loser in the world. I remember saying to my ex on Saturday night that I wanted my old life back. I want to forget she exists. I want to think all this time was just a dream. A lot of good things happened to me this year. My ex made me feel things I didn't know I could feel, I discovered a bunch of cool things with her, life was at one point spectacular but like I said to her I'd rather have my old life for a few months playing video games and living a "boring" but stable life. At least I didn't suffer like this around that time.

Have a good day, GAF.

Wait, what about the husband's text? What did he say?
We need closure.

 

[Dunlop]

Husband could also have been the "wife" responding asking for the logs (he had plenty of advanced warning) , then sent the text about his family being wrecked to get you to drop it.

But short of driving to their house, there is no way you would ever know

 

[Revoh]

Wait, what about the husband's text? What did he say?
We need closure.

First text from him

hola Revoh, lo q querías hacer ya lo lograste. Espero seas feliz... esto q paso con *novia* jamás lo había hecho.. no soy gatero ni nada por el estilo.. me subí al mambo poq estamos lejos y lo veía imposible.. entiendo tu calentura, pero sabe q t cargaste una familia q era feliz con sus fisuras, pero en eso estábamos trabajando.. no se que ganaste con toda esta gilada. Jamás la vi en persona

My response

Hola *Esposo*. No estoy feliz. Para nada. No, mentira, no era imposible, vos venís al país cada tanto. *Novia* destrozo nuestra relación y vos la tuya. Yo no soy el malo de la película acá, ustedes se pasaron de la raya. Yo solamente mostré la verdad. Yo no gano nada amigo, yo perdí también. Y creeme que perdí mucho también. Saludos

I've received this text from him just minutes ago. I won't answer him anymore. I've nothing left to say.

Yo fui al país una vez en mi vida, y casi voy es verdad.. pero no fue así.. yo no creo q seas el malo d la película, pero no tenias la necesidad de hacer esto, eso digo.. desde ya de mi parte te pido disculpas por enroscarme con tu mujer, como t dije, nunca lo hice ni lo busque.. se dio y me hago cargo de q no lo detuve. Ya lo estoy pagando ni t imaginas como

This thread is done.

 

[Maddocks]

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

 

[neorej]

First text from him


My response


I've received this text from him just minutes ago. I won't answer him anymore. I've nothing left to say.


This thread is done.

Google Translate:

First text from him
hello Revoh, q what you wanted to do and you did it. I hope you're happy ... this step q * girlfriend * never had .. I am not crawlspace or anything like that .. I got the mambo p or q are far and saw it impossible .. I understand your warmth, but you know you carried qt one q family was happy with cracks, but that we were working .. which can not win with all this gilada. I never saw her in person
my response
Hi * Spouse *. I'm not happy. Not at all. No lie, it was not impossible, you come to the country every so often. * Girlfriend * blight our relationship and you yours. I'm not the bad guy here, you are over the line. I only showed the truth. I gain nothing friend, I lost too. And believe me I lost a lot too. regards
I've Received this text from him just minutes ago. I will not answer him anymore. I've nothing left to say.
I went to the country once in my life, and almost'll be true .. but it was not .. I do not think q d be bad movie, but you did not have the need to do this, so I say .. from now on my part I apologize for curl up with your wife, as t said, I never did nor find .. he and I deal with q did not stop him. I'm already paying or t imagine how
This thread is done.

Seems closure enough to me. You did good Revoh.

 

[Joel Was Right]

She didn't merely cheat on you 'emotionally'. What she did is called cheating. Period. There is no distinction.