Girlfriend emotionally cheated on me
- Thread starter Revoh
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Jesus, thanks for the laughs man, goddamn.
OP could contact the dude and scare him out of ever meeting with the girl for real by threatening to show screenshots and chat logs to his wife. Then it would ultimately be a victory where it matters because lady friend is left without either of the two men she likes, and you don't have to actually ruin anyone's lives.
The Faceless Master
Member
do you really want to leave this guy's wife and kid in the dark about how much of a scumbag he is?
jts
...hate me...
I had a relationship ending a little bit like this, although not as bad in a way. Guy was in another country as well.
I didn't "find out" until we had an argument and a break up of sorts, and it was then that I backtracked the signs she was giving out about being in texting cahoots with other guy while we still had a relationship.
She wasn't as deep in it as OP's, but for some weeks after the argument we were trying to fix our relationship (or I was trying to fix it and she was open to it) and I saw she was deep enough in talks with the other guy to be really hurtful. Mind, we were in a relationship not for 10 months but for 5+ years. She eventually flew over there and they probably fucked, when she came back she was stone cold and there was no more room for anything to be fixed. Harsh as hell. That's why story in the OP makes my blood boil.
I didn't "find out" until we had an argument and a break up of sorts, and it was then that I backtracked the signs she was giving out about being in texting cahoots with other guy while we still had a relationship.
She wasn't as deep in it as OP's, but for some weeks after the argument we were trying to fix our relationship (or I was trying to fix it and she was open to it) and I saw she was deep enough in talks with the other guy to be really hurtful. Mind, we were in a relationship not for 10 months but for 5+ years. She eventually flew over there and they probably fucked, when she came back she was stone cold and there was no more room for anything to be fixed. Harsh as hell. That's why story in the OP makes my blood boil.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
3 and 4 are otherworldly.
Delicious Waffles
Member
Who's to say that this married guy hasn't done this to other women but just hasn't been found out yet? His wife should know that he's gotten quite close to this other woman, almost to the point that they were going to have sex. To not say anything and just let this guy skate by is just asking for him to attempt it again with another woman or, once OP breaks it off with his girlfriend, keep it going with her.
stn
Member
OP - trust me on the following. Do not engage her or show her that you're bitter. She's just going to use that against you and justify it in her head that she was right to cheat on you. Kill her with kindness. Just tell her you know, that you think she's a terrible person, and that you wish her luck in life. Then leave and let HER be the one to carry the mental burden of it. You need to leave her with such an impact that she has sleepless nights for the rest of the week.
THAT'S your "revenge", not beating up that scummy husband or recording your argument with the girl for GAF to hear (I'm all for sharing the details post-confrontation but don't make it more of a spectacle than it need be). There is no revenge to be gotten against shitty people, they won't even understand it anyway.
THAT'S your "revenge", not beating up that scummy husband or recording your argument with the girl for GAF to hear (I'm all for sharing the details post-confrontation but don't make it more of a spectacle than it need be). There is no revenge to be gotten against shitty people, they won't even understand it anyway.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I would not be angry with the guy. I always see the new guy/girl as just an archetype for "new dick/pussy". If it was not that person it would have been someone else. GAF seems to be pretty 50/50 about if it's okay to hit on someone who is in a relationship, and that would make sense if you believe in the studies that say that cheating is in 50% of relationships (there seems to be a lot of bullshit on how to interpretate those statistics though).
Of course everything changes when it's a good friend or someone close to you who deceives you and cheats with your partner.
I think another thing is the snooping around someone elses social media/phone/emails/voice mails/letters. That's a dark path. It's extremely dark if you confirm your suspisions. In those cases you are glad, you did the wrong thing. But at what point does "justified snooping" turn into paranoia?
Sometimes what happens is that people are so afraid of cheating that they are scanning every scenario for it. Every new person in your partners life is a threat if they are better than you. more handsome/beautiful or have more money/better education or whatever else it might be. Sometimes this turns into self-fulfilling prophecies as the partner becomes mistrustful or starts playing games.
It's not like I don't get it. I see it every time I go out. People who have girlfriends/boyfriends who go out with their friends and hit on other people. It's sad. Fortunately none of my friends have asked me to cover for them, but I don't think I would want to. I would be angry to be put in that situation.
One of my good friends think I am pathetic for feeling that way about it, though. "It's none of your business, so keep your mouth shut." < I can see the sentiment, but it still brings uncomfortable feelings.
It might not be illegal to cheat, but to me it's a bit like if you're stealing or destroying property or doing other stupid deceitful shit - I don't wanna be a part of it or know about it. I don't even wanna see it, and if you're a friend you should not let me see that shit.
Also, sometimes when snooping someones phone to confirm a suspision it can get bad - Sometimes people are just flirting with others without the intention of meeting someone. There is a fine line between your girlfriend being like "
" at the end of conversations with a guy who wants to meet up and fuck, and actually agreeing to doing it.
I personally think flirting can be healthy. It's just about taking it to a place where you actually mean to cheat on someone. Sometimes people just want to feel validated by someone else than the person who they are together with. I think it actually can strengthen relationships. Particularly for women - they get to still feel desired without having to let go of someone they love. For some men it seems more complicated, as some men seem to be all about the sex, and not giving much shit about flirting or shit like that. for them, the sexual lay is the validation. It's not even about the woman.
Of course everything changes when it's a good friend or someone close to you who deceives you and cheats with your partner.
I think another thing is the snooping around someone elses social media/phone/emails/voice mails/letters. That's a dark path. It's extremely dark if you confirm your suspisions. In those cases you are glad, you did the wrong thing. But at what point does "justified snooping" turn into paranoia?
Sometimes what happens is that people are so afraid of cheating that they are scanning every scenario for it. Every new person in your partners life is a threat if they are better than you. more handsome/beautiful or have more money/better education or whatever else it might be. Sometimes this turns into self-fulfilling prophecies as the partner becomes mistrustful or starts playing games.
It's not like I don't get it. I see it every time I go out. People who have girlfriends/boyfriends who go out with their friends and hit on other people. It's sad. Fortunately none of my friends have asked me to cover for them, but I don't think I would want to. I would be angry to be put in that situation.
One of my good friends think I am pathetic for feeling that way about it, though. "It's none of your business, so keep your mouth shut." < I can see the sentiment, but it still brings uncomfortable feelings.
It might not be illegal to cheat, but to me it's a bit like if you're stealing or destroying property or doing other stupid deceitful shit - I don't wanna be a part of it or know about it. I don't even wanna see it, and if you're a friend you should not let me see that shit.
Also, sometimes when snooping someones phone to confirm a suspision it can get bad - Sometimes people are just flirting with others without the intention of meeting someone. There is a fine line between your girlfriend being like "
" at the end of conversations with a guy who wants to meet up and fuck, and actually agreeing to doing it.I personally think flirting can be healthy. It's just about taking it to a place where you actually mean to cheat on someone. Sometimes people just want to feel validated by someone else than the person who they are together with. I think it actually can strengthen relationships. Particularly for women - they get to still feel desired without having to let go of someone they love. For some men it seems more complicated, as some men seem to be all about the sex, and not giving much shit about flirting or shit like that. for them, the sexual lay is the validation. It's not even about the woman.
It's definitely a terrible thing but, the the end, the guy is being unfaithful to both his wife and kid. I don't think keeping a scumbag dad around is going to be beneficial to his kid's future growth and maturity into a decent human being. If anything, the kid might learn how to successfully manipulate people by watching his pops.
I was in an abusive situation where my stepdad physically abused myself and mother. He beat us black and blue. I knew it was wrong, but subconsciously had that ingrained in my system. When I started dating my first girlfriend in high school, I punched her after an argument. I was horrified at what I had done, and immediately started counseling. I will always live with that guilt, and would hate for anyone else to do the same.
Ether_Snake
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The thing is, the other man has a wife. She really is entitled to know about this situation. He's surrendered his right to marital privacy at this point.
NoctisVsStar
Member
it's the canon route aka good ending.
It's in spanish and I'm really not in the mood to translate it right now.
I could copy paste it here, if someone wants to translate it to english, be my guest.
So you think that you should split up marriages with children over some flirty texts and facebook chat?
He doesn't even know if the details he has are for the correct woman.
Break up with her + tell the dude's wife about it. Don't do anything else, you don't want to have any further problems due to that bitch.
Who knows if he's fucking other chicks on the side too. What if he gives his wife an STD? The wife and kid deserve better.
OP you are lucky to have figured this out early. Be happy that this relationship is over.
Who knows if he's fucking other chicks on the side too. What if he gives his wife an STD? The wife and kid deserve better.
OP you are lucky to have figured this out early. Be happy that this relationship is over.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
No, the scumbag cheating husband is involved and needs to burn for his actions. His wife needs to know that she's together with someone who likes to flirt and fuck other women.
More power to op for telling the wife the truth.
Being a sociopath is worse than cheating...
WINK
1. He wouldn't be splitting up their marriage. He would be the one informing the wife that her husband was planning to have sex with his girlfriend, among other things, as he said in the OP.
2. I'm operating under the assumption that when the OP says he messaged the man's wife, he did indeed send it to the correct person.
But the guy didn't show. He made an excuse that he was sick and flaked.
Always-honest
Banned
Yes, as long as you have some sort of way of releasing the anger somehwere. Just keeping it inside can't be healthy.
There are plenty of Spanish-speaking Gaffers.
Moff
Member
that guy is a huge asshole
I wonder if he really was sick or if he got cold feet and didn't want to physically cheat (yet) on his wife.
by telling the wife you are definitely shifting all responsibility to her.
is she going to forgive him for "only" cheating "emotionally" on her, as you put it? because her kid would suffer otherwise?
you want to hurt him of course, he deserves hurt, but his wife?
sure, I would want to know. but it's hard to make that decision for others. I had people tell me they would not want to know.
I wonder if he really was sick or if he got cold feet and didn't want to physically cheat (yet) on his wife.
by telling the wife you are definitely shifting all responsibility to her.
is she going to forgive him for "only" cheating "emotionally" on her, as you put it? because her kid would suffer otherwise?
you want to hurt him of course, he deserves hurt, but his wife?
sure, I would want to know. but it's hard to make that decision for others. I had people tell me they would not want to know.
You'll have earned it.
I recall reading that you don't really need to "release your anger", and that at some point it actually becomes a habit to get unreasonably angry because of minuscule stuff.
EmptySpace
Banned
do it.
don't be "gracious" and all that bullshit. they ruined your life and you just walk away? fuck that. there's no flying spaghetti monster who will punish them at the end of the day.
Also when you confront her, don't give her a long-winded farewell and please don't make it dramatic. Just tell her you know what's up and that you're done cause you ain't having none of that shit.
She will either: A. cry in "guilt", B. hurl low-blows at you as to why she did it, or C. be reasonable (unlikely). Just remember to keep your cool and be cold to anything she says. She's dead to you after all. Good luck.
Good for telling the wife. Whether she does anything or not, at least she's not in the dark.
She will either: A. cry in "guilt", B. hurl low-blows at you as to why she did it, or C. be reasonable (unlikely). Just remember to keep your cool and be cold to anything she says. She's dead to you after all. Good luck.
Good for telling the wife. Whether she does anything or not, at least she's not in the dark.
Don't walk, run.
Dont even give an explanation, she'll know.
Delicious Waffles
Member
Who's to say he hasn't done it before and who's to say he won't go through with it once OP ends his relationship?
SymbiantXenos
Member
The husband has probably alreadut cheated countless times in the past.
Leopard doesn't change their spots and all that.
Agreed. Behuhuhu the rub hive, OP.
Dump her and move on, the longer you spend your energy on this shit, the more you emotionally destroy yourself. Take it from someone who made that mistake twice and now still gets miserable thinking about that shit instead of moving on and enjoying how great his life has become ever since.
Tell his wife though, no one deserves to be cheated on.
Or in short:
Tell his wife though, no one deserves to be cheated on.
Or in short:
without knowing 100% of this other guys life or story? (not that such a thing is possible)
Always-honest
Banned
Well i'm a person who always tries to keep his cool and not get angry towards other people. And while it's probably not unhealthy in a physical way, it sure helps releasing it on a boxing bag or something. It's of little use to keep feeling angry for too long. Situations like this can cause a lot of stress.
NoctisVsStar
Member
de que partes eres? no le de tanta mente a esa chamaca simplemente la dejas y le dices a la mujer del tipo lo que paso.
Spanish gaf is everywhere.
Ninja Scooter
Member
Just break up with her and move on. All this talk of revenge plots and trying to tell his wife will just involve you in a bigger mess and make you seem like a bitter tool. Move on and do better. Leave all that shit behind.
Message the guy through her account and tell him that you're the boyfriend and you know he has a wife and a kid and that this is just a warning, but it would be wise of him to tread lightly. And he should think very deeply about his family and if he wants to keep them he won't risk having an affair again.
Then take the girlfriend out for a nice dinner and after you order just sit there and stare at her and start quoting their conversations. Keep going till the food gets there and then enjoy your meal.
Then take the girlfriend out for a nice dinner and after you order just sit there and stare at her and start quoting their conversations. Keep going till the food gets there and then enjoy your meal.
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