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[arkhamguy123]

I'm late 20s now, in incredible physical shape, tall, financially secure and stable, and i'm not not gonna say I'm Henry Cavill attractive but I don't think I look like Shrek either, I'd say probably just maybe slightly above average in the face. Anyways, hobbies galore, I have a copious amount of things I'm passionate about that I can discuss at length and do in my free time. Everything your empty platitude dispensing peers will tell you when you're single is ostensibly checked off.

So basically, in my early 20s, I cleaned up like a goddamn janitor. I had zero problem in dating and often would even have sex on the very first date. I remember being younger hearing "dating is hard" and just shrugging and thinking "must be hard for other people". My young stupid smug ass thought himself nigh-invulnerable in the arena of intimacy and romance. Well I got out of 3 year relationship awhile back that was a direct product of this era in my life, (you go through my post history, you'll see what went down), and I immediately moved to just pick myself up from this fall, and get back dating. To my surprise, the months spent trying since she left in November have been explicitly fruitless. Basically zero luck what so ever save for exactly 1 woman last month who I had a very auspicious first date with and felt a strong chemistry I hadn't felt in a long time. Then she offered to go in the backseat of my car to which I accepted, first woman since my ex I had been with in that way, and of course she ended up ending things after a few more dates due to personal concerns/issues on her end. Whatever I respected it, it happens. But still 1 out of god knows how many is not an inspiring batting average.

The common trend is either they have something that is off-putting to me or a dealbreaker and I reject them, or quite frankly, more routinely, they do the rejecting. This comes in the form of an ungodly amount of ghosting. I mean Jesus I'd swear im in a damn haunted mansion with the amount of ghosting I encounter. Obscene. A lot of these is after verbal confirmation of a second date or some explicit expression of interest. Which kind of makes me not trust anything said going forward. The apps have been fruitless, I've tried singles mixers, speed dating, approaching in public, all ultimately fruitless as well. A significant waste of time and money. It seems I'm just not a good fit for anyones standards and preferences and/or I think that of them. The only ones I'm into have so far been doing all the rejecting. Now obviously I've reflected and of course not every single one of these dates among dozens have I just been the epitome of charisma and social skills but the vast majority have essentially been perfectly fine. But no 2nd date. The only thing I can really think of is that currently I'm working as an uber driver while I figure out what I want to do next and I can tell this disgust a lot of women from their face and body language when they find out but I don't think it should be that much of a hinderance?

My friends think I'm putting too much into it and prioritizing dating too much but I'm unconvinced. If you don't put effort into something you won't find what you seek in life. That goes for just about anything for most people. It just seems almost impossible to procure any kind of connection now emotionally or sexually and I feel like I'm the crazy one sometimes cause a lot of my friends don't seem to struggle as much. But I also feel like this can't just be a me thing? I can't open any social media outlet like twitter or reddit without seeing a daily hurricane Katrina level flood of posts going on some diatribe about this exact issue.

 

[YCoCg]

Hey, if you don't click, you don't click, simple. You should know this considering you've been rejecting women too so this isn't some one way thing, maybe you've done something that is off putting for them.

 

[Dr.Guru of Peru]

. The only thing I can really think of is that currently I'm working as an uber driver while I figure out what I want to do next and I can tell this disgust a lot of women from their face and body language when they find out but I don't think it should be that much of a hinderance?

I think you've answered your own question. The older you get, the higher the expectations. It's a bit weird to be in your late 20s and have no idea what you're doing in life.

 

[arkhamguy123]

I think you've answered your own question. The older you get, the higher the expectations. It's a bit weird to be in your late 20s and have no idea what you're doing in life.

Is it? I feel like most of my peers don’t know. And most of my older mentors and friends tell me they didn’t know when they were my age

Regardless, I worked in corporate 9-5s. Tried it for about half a decade or so. Went to college for it. Got my degree for it. Fucking hated it. Couldn’t do it. Most people just stay until they’re 65. This was an unconscionable unthinkable outcome for me. So I quit to never return.

Plus I think judging someone negatively off occupation is a bit shallow but I know I’m in the minority with that radical take

 

[Dr.Guru of Peru]

That's fine, but most women have a greater sense of urgency and are dating to settle down in their mid to late 20s. They really don't want to waste their time with someone who might decide at any time that they want to self actualize by learning yoga in Cambodia.

I would suggest keep dating, but listen to your friends and not prioritize it at this point. Focus on yourself and figure out where you're headed in life.

 

[arkhamguy123]

That's fine, but most women have a greater sense of urgency and are dating to settle down in their late 20s. They really don't want to waste their time with someone who might decide at any time that they want to self actualize by learning yoga in Cambodia.

I would suggest keep dating, but listen to your friends and not prioritize it at this point. Focus on yourself and figure out where you're headed in life.

This is fair

 

[NecrosaroIII]

Regardless, I worked in corporate 9-5s. Tried it for about half a decade or so. Went to college for it. Got my degree for it. Fucking hated it. Couldn’t do it. Most people just stay until they’re 65. This was an unconscionable unthinkable outcome for me. So I quit to never return.

i went through that phase, except i stuck with it.

You made the right decision

 

[arkhamguy123]

i went through that phase, except i stuck with it.

You made the right decision

And I’ve been tremendously happier ever since. When I was still with the ex it was a slam dunk but now apparently occupation may or may not be holding me back from women I like so :/

 

[SlimySnake]

Don’t tell them you are driving an Uber. Make something up. If your goal is just to get laid then just lie through your teeth. If you are a hoping to find a wife out of these broads then continue telling the truth and eventually someone will not hold it against you.

Try this on the next 5 dates and see if you get a second date.

 

[Trunx81]

Be interesting.
And try to date out of your comfort zone: Most people tend to toxic people because they seem interesting first, but they carry issues around like Sisyphus his stone. If you feel attracted to those, approach differently.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

I think you've answered your own question. The older you get, the higher the expectations. It's a bit weird to be in your late 20s and have no idea what you're doing in life.

This. Contrary to what lunatics will tell you most women in late 20s also got out of long relationship they probably thought will lead to marriage and family. So they are even more intently looking for these things now, time to play and fool around, “experiment”, is over and what you have right now is very clear list of pros and cons for everyone they can date.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Don’t tell them you are driving an Uber. Make something up. If your goal is just to get laid then just lie through your teeth. If you are a hoping to find a wife out of these broads then continue telling the truth and eventually someone will not hold it against you.

Try this on the next 5 dates and see if you get a second date.

A/B test, I like it.

Listen to this man OP, guy got game.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Don’t tell them you are driving an Uber. Make something up. If your goal is just to get laid then just lie through your teeth. If you are a hoping to find a wife out of these broads then continue telling the truth and eventually someone will not hold it against you.

Try this on the next 5 dates and see if you get a second date.

Holy shit this is actually super astute.

Who knew your dating takes would be as sound as your graphical fidelity takes. So basically if I’m on a date and I only see physical attraction; “oh yeah I work at *insert socially acceptable job here*”

If I’m on a date and connection is just palpable and i think it’s girlfriend material; “ya know honestly right now I’m just driving Uber until I figure out what I’m passionate about” and hope that she doesn’t have a repulsed/negative response?

 

[Roufianos]

I had a long relationship from 22-27 and yea, dating was definitely way harder on the other side of it.

Expectations etc are way higher, nobody wants to enter a waste of time relationship in their late 20s or early 30s.

Just got to stick in there, I think I went on 10 or so different dates before I met my current GF. All of them went pretty well but obviously didn't go anywhere, try not to take it personally. I guess it needs to be basically feel perfect for the woman., going great isn't enough.

 

[*Nightwing]

Don’t tell them you are driving an Uber. Make something up. If your goal is just to get laid then just lie through your teeth. If you are a hoping to find a wife out of these broads then continue telling the truth and eventually someone will not hold it against you.

Try this on the next 5 dates and see if you get a second date.

A/B test, I like it.

Listen to this man OP, guy got game.

This.

Focus on getting your dick wet, switch to hookup apps, tell them what they want to hear, everything else will eventually fall into place


…then change thread title to:

Is modern dating supposed to be this *hard*?​

 

[Toots]

Maybe don't listen to the pua / andrew tates in the thread who tell you that lying to women and flaunting your money to get laid equals to having game. Lying and spending money isn't being charming, it's being lame and everyone can do it. Making a pretty woman you just met want to suck your dick in the bar bathroom without paying for it is much harder though.

Don't tell women you're a uber driver. Don't lie to them about work, just omit stuff. Tell them you're in between jobs, talk about your old career and how you aspired to more and quit. It is quite a courageous decision, make them understand so. What's more important is to show them that you're not financially insecure any way you want (having a date in a somewhat fancy place, doing activities during a date, concert, museum, rooftop party with an entry fee, etc.).

Also people change a lot from one dating app to the other. In France for example tinder is full of start up minded morons and gold diggers, but others app have much more interesting people in it. Choose the app that is right for you.

And lastly women can be more promiscuous in their 20s than in their 30s. It's not a rule, but often women kind of settle down with age, so you might have to date them a few time before they let you hit their backwalls. Don't worry, they still like wild sex like their younger selves, but they choose who they do it with a little bit more.

 

[daffyduck]

I doubt they’d like “In between jobs”. And if they don't like Uber driver, that just tells you how shallow they are, and that they are doing you a favour by going away.

 

[Mr Reasonable]

You probably want to work out what you want here. Someone to have sex with or a relationship?

Because if the other person is looking for a relationship, one that actually has long term potential then there's a good chance they're going to realise a date with someone who hasn't planned beyond wanting to fuck them (in the back of a car they use for work) might not be a good match.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Tbh, if you look at the order of things you have revealed about yourself: I am hot! I'm tall! I'm in great shape! Why don't women like me? Comes before "my life isn't really organised at the moment." It rather suggests that you're prioritising something shorter term, surface level, or more immediate.

And at your age, things have moved on a bit for women, many will be thinking about if they want to have children and be thinking bigger picture. In that sense it's maybe not so shallow to consider what a potential partner does for a job. That's without even getting into thinking about the hours I imagine an Uber driver has to work. Will you ever be free on Friday and Saturday nights, etc.

If you do want to have a relationship, it might be worth considering how to present yourself, do you have a plan? Ambitions, etc. the classic where do you see yourself in 5 years. Opting out of the corporate job is one thing, but perhaps you need to present what you are, not what you aren't, if you see what I mean. You're presenting here as someone who thinks of Uber as a temporary situation, but if you don't tell us what you're going to be when this period ends, does it sound compelling to just hope that you're going to find your calling and that it'll be a success, or is there a big chance you'll be living in your parents' basement forever?

If you say "I'll never be wealthy, but I want to be happy and I plan to do it by..." then that sounds like you're going somewhere. If you're saying "I am an Uber driver right now, but it's only temporary, something will come up" That seems rather less compelling. IMO.

 

[EviLore]

Don’t tell them you are driving an Uber. Make something up. If your goal is just to get laid then just lie through your teeth. If you are a hoping to find a wife out of these broads then continue telling the truth and eventually someone will not hold it against you.

Try this on the next 5 dates and see if you get a second date.

 

[Toots]

If you want to know how it goes when one of those dudes manage to keep the lie running for years check this out.

 

[EviLore]

If you want to know how it goes when one of those dudes manage to keep the lie running for years check this out.

Crazy that he was granted parole after all that. Will add L'adversaire to my watch list.

 

[Bring Back Scalebound]

As a person that has been alive for 27 years, and has been completely and forever invisible to women romantically and sexually (Despite trying in every possible way for years), and who's only success with women is them thinking I'm a fun and nice friend, reading this I can't stop myself from doing this:

It just genuinely annoys me.

 

[Peter303]

Rather than saying you drive an uber, just say you work in logistics and leave it at that.

 

[thefool]

Yes.

Have you not noticed the hordes of single people in their 30's? It's also obvious where the problem lies, you can go to any dating app, men are more than willing to go out with anyone.

One of the features of clown world is that we do not talk about the obvious. Our world right now is a cult that is carefully constructed to deny reality. The result is a generation of frustrated and lonely men and women.

 

[Mistake]

My problem is usually finding the right time to meet. You talk for three days and it's like "I'm wasting my time if we finally date and there's no spark." I wish people were more receptive to just grabbing a coffee, especially when it's already established you both have similar interests. I spoke with one girl for a week, everything seemed fine, tried to arrange a hangout and got ghosted

 

[AJUMP23]

You don't seem to want a relationship, you want to have sex. Good on the women for seeing through your shallowness.

 

[Nester99]

Women value occupation as it’s the primary function of “providing”

You need a career, Uber might as well be fast food

 

[NeoIkaruGAF]

I'm late 20s now, in incredible physical shape, tall, financially secure and stable, and i'm not not gonna say I'm Henry Cavill attractive but I don't think I look like Shrek either, I'd say probably just maybe slightly above average in the face. Anyways, hobbies galore, I have a copious amount of things I'm passionate about that I can discuss at length and do in my free time. Everything your empty platitude dispensing peers will tell you when you're single is ostensibly checked off.

And yet you’re like “I’m an Uber driver” and they go, “Oh.”

Remember all that stuff like “just be yourself”, “you just need to be clean and in good shape”, “just don’t be poor” and all those fail-proof life hacks that will get you any woman 9 times out of 10? I do.

When I think about my personal experiences with women, especially those I’ve had after turning 30, I‘m often reminded of a bio flick I saw about this man: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Petrucciani

This man was born with a genetic disease that made his bones extremely fragile. As in, he was a pianist, and once he broke a finger just playing the piano. He wasn’t attractive, not even unconventionally so, no debate there. As an adult, he was as tall as a child. And yet, this man married twice, and had a third significant other that for all intent and purposes was his third wife. He started introducing his would-be second wife as his new wife when he barely knew her, and dumped his first wife, who he was still married to at the time, on the phone. Creepy, right? And yet, the new girl didn’t run away, ghost him, or call the cops on him. No, she ended up marrying him instead.

There is no recipe, my friends. Sure, if you look like young Brad Pitt you will enjoy success, and have a lot of choice. If you have lots of moolah, you will as well. But if you lack that certain vibe, whatever “objective” quality everyone (including you) really thinks you have guarantees nothing. After all, women are hard-wired to get the best available option, while men are usually less picky. Even a hopeless woman, if one random guy shows interest in her, will very often think that she isn’t that bad after all, and that she can have much better. It’s not often that she’ll settle for the first poor bloke who‘s made a move on her in years. The female ego is just a different beast.

Only thing you can do is keep trying if you care that much, or just allow it to happen while you’re busy with other things, if that’s meant to happen. Whether a woman falls for you or not IS personal, of course, but there’s nothing objective about it. When people make excuses to ghost or dump you, those are often just excuses to explain their decision to others - and, mostly, to themselves. People on the bottom rung of society. People with incurable diseases. The worst of criminals. Cripples. Name a supposedly undesirable category of people - most of them are currently getting more action than most of us in here. And you shouldn’t, just because you’re an Uber driver? That’s not the reason, so you really have no reason to lie about that (but I do think, omitting that detail or telling a half truth about it may get you more chances, yeah. People can be shallow).

 

[EviLore]

Only around 60% of men have a biological child. If you're in the stage of life where women are looking for a provider for a future family, lacking career prospects can drop you squarely into that 40% pool, doomed to let down your thousands of generations of ancestors who got you to this point in time. Figure out a career plan.

 

[Northeastmonk]

I know a lady in her early 30’s who is marrying a guy in his late 50’s. It’s all about compatibility and how much you can provide for the woman. If you can’t provide for them then wtf are you doing for them? I’ve seen women use men just because their SO was being an ass. It just doesn’t last long. My whole point is you’ve got to have something to offer the woman. My step father once told me that women are nesters. What’s your nest like?

I dated a lot in high school. I had like 15 girlfriends and an abortion with one of them. I wasn’t exactly the most fit type of guy. I was nice and I wanted to listen to girls. My 20’s I didn’t exactly do the right thing. I sought out women 18-65. I was a trashy dude and made questionable decisions. It’s nothing I’m proud of. Now I’m married with two kids. I’ve messaged old girlfriends and apologized for causing them any emotional problems. Anyway, that’s my two cents.

 

[Mistake]

One tip I'd like to add is try to keep as genuine as possible. Hard as hell online, but women can smell it a mile away

 

[Bloobs]

YES

 

[AJUMP23]

Do you tell these women you are an elite poster on a video game message board?

 

[violence]

Go find feminist point of view relationship advice. They’re the most fertile people on earth and should know exactly what to tell you to seduce a female.

 

[Bloobs]

Do you tell these women you are an elite poster on a video game message board?

Only Top G's like DeepEnigma ManaByte and GHG

 

[TintoConCasera]

Good luck OP, I gave up on dating some time ago and couldn't be happier, although I have a few just-for-sex friends so that helps with the loneliness.

No way of forming a family tho, although in this day and age, I'd rather not.

 

[arkhamguy123]

You probably want to work out what you want here. Someone to have sex with or a relationship?

Because if the other person is looking for a relationship, one that actually has long term potential then there's a good chance they're going to realise a date with someone who hasn't planned beyond wanting to fuck them (in the back of a car they use for work) might not be a good match.

Entirely her idea and prerogative and we hung out again. She saw me as a serious bf candidate but ended having to pass for a pretty specific personal reason unrelated to me

Tbh, if you look at the order of things you have revealed about yourself: I am hot! I'm tall! I'm in great shape! Why don't women like me? Comes before "my life isn't really organised at the moment." It rather suggests that you're prioritising something shorter term, surface level, or more immediate.

I wouldn’t call myself hot lol. And if you read more carefully it’s more about the difficulty of seemingly good first dates going nowhere and filters and preferences leading to a lot of social mismatches

If you do want to have a relationship, it might be worth considering how to present yourself, do you have a plan? Ambitions, etc. the classic where do you see yourself in 5 years. Opting out of the corporate job is one thing, but perhaps you need to present what you are, not what you aren't, if you see what I mean. You're presenting here as someone who thinks of Uber as a temporary situation, but if you don't tell us what you're going to be when this period ends, does it sound compelling to just hope that you're going to find your calling and that it'll be a success, or is there a big chance you'll be living in your parents' basement forever?

I’ve been financially independent for the past 6 years and counting and have my own place in a nice apartment complex that I pay for with my work on uber. I’m also stacked in the savings and Roth IRA department

 

[arkhamguy123]

You don't seem to want a relationship, you want to have sex. Good on the women for seeing through your shallowness.

Literally right in my post I outline how the girl I really liked was leading to the next gf but she ended up having to decline

 

[arkhamguy123]

Women value occupation as it’s the primary function of “providing”

You need a career, Uber might as well be fast food

You don’t do $1000 a week from 30 hours or less in fast food though

The earnings pay me as much or more than some “real jobs” I’ve worked it’s just not as miserable and not 40,50,60+ hours a week. It’s basically all social stigma that I think makes it undesirable in a potential partners eyes. Which you’ve demonstrated with the fast food line

 

[Hrk69]

That's basically my experience

 

[arkhamguy123]

And yet you’re like “I’m an Uber driver” and they go, “Oh.”

Lol basically exactly how it goes down

To the point where me and all my friends joke about it now with memes and what not. ie like “my dates when I tell them I’m an Uber driver” then some hyperbolic meme to accompany that

 

[arkhamguy123]

That's basically my experience

Got on FB dating recently as a sort of Hail Mary and I had a lot of friends recommend it

They might as well rename that shit to “single-moms-R-us”

 

[arkhamguy123]

Only around 60% of men have a biological child. If you're in the stage of life where women are looking for a provider for a future family, lacking career prospects can drop you squarely into that 40% pool, doomed to let down your thousands of generations of ancestors who got you to this point in time. Figure out a career plan.

But EvilLore I’m actually not miserable and happy for a change doing Uber and it perfectly adequately pays for all my shit and hobbies and gives me financial securityyyy

I ain’t sayin I’ll do it forever of course but right now it’s a very comfortable stepping stone. Yet I hear stuff like this from people and it stresses me out because I feel myself getting entrapped into grind/hustle mindsets of “this is a waste of time you piece of shit you need MORE! IMMEDIATELY! Go go go! Grind more! What are you doing on Uber? You need a new life plan NOW”

 

[AJUMP23]

Literally right in my post I outline how the girl I really liked was leading to the next gf but she ended up having to decline

Your second paragraph is more revealing, where you talk about how you look and that you should be desired for being good looking. Looks matter but not as much to women as they do to men.

 

[arkhamguy123]

Your second paragraph is more revealing, where you talk about how you look and that you should be desired for being good looking. Looks matter but not as much to women as they do to men.

Completely erroneous

A. I never said I should be desired for being good looking. I put that information out there because the obvious question would be “well are you ugly?” And wanted to establish that was likely not the primary issue

B. Women care almost solely about looks. At least initially. A metric ton of my close lady friends have more or less confirmed this and as an Uber driver im privy to a gargantuan amount of behind the scenes with women. Let’s just say don’t drive Uber if you’re a hopeless romantic and you think being funny/smart/sweet moves the needle a ton in the early phase

 

[Hudo]

Play World of WarCraft. Achieve a high item level => Easy sex.

 

[EviLore]

But EvilLore I’m actually not miserable and happy for a change doing Uber and it perfectly adequately pays for all my shit and hobbies and gives me financial securityyyy

I ain’t sayin I’ll do it forever of course but right now it’s a very comfortable stepping stone. Yet I heard stuff like this from people and it stresses me out because I feel myself getting entrapped into grind/hustle mindsets of “this is a waste of time you piece of shit you need MORE! IMMEDIATELY! Go go go! Grind more! What are you doing on Uber? You need a new life plan NOW”

That's fair, not trying to dunk on you. You have time. And it's great that you have your finances sorted out, genuinely. But from a woman's perspective, the career angle is the dealbreaker. All it takes it something you're working towards though, even an early plan, for some women to take a chance on you if they like the rest, and it sounds like you have the rest sorted out pretty well. So come up with an idea of a plan and lead with that rather than the Uber work.

First dates work through heuristics. As a man looking for a LTR, you're looking for shortcuts to determine: is she healthy, is she kind, is she emotionally stable, is she honest, is she loyal? We're hard wired for this to determine a good female mate. Women are looking for: does he have the ability to provide, is he willing to share resources, is he high status, competent/skilled, a leader, is his trajectory on the way up, does he see me as high value, is he strong, is he genuine, is he a serial killer/con artist/psycho?

The Uber work is doing well for you, but as a first date heuristic it's like a girl telling you she's an exotic dancer with a coke habit and undiagnosed BPD. Even if she seems amazing, you'll probably not call her back if you're looking for a stable LTR that leads somewhere.

 

[AJUMP23]

Completely erroneous

A. I never said I should be desired for being good looking. I put that information out there because the obvious question would be “well are you ugly?” And wanted to establish that was likely not the primary issue

B. Women care almost solely about looks. At least initially. A metric ton of my close lady friends have more or less confirmed this and as an Uber driver im privy to a gargantuan amount of behind the scenes with women. Let’s just say don’t drive Uber if you’re a hopeless romantic and you think being funny/smart/sweet moves the needle a ton in the early phase

You don't want to solve your issues, you want to defend your perspective and be told you are right, for what you think. I will help you.

You are write, women do not get you and you are a gift to the species.

 

[arkhamguy123]

You don't want to solve your issues, you want to defend your perspective and be told you are right, for what you think. I will help you.

You are write, women do not get you and you are a gift to the species.

Oh cmon man

I don’t think disagreeing with you literally calling me shallow = “I just want the hear I’m never wrong and always right”

I’ve responded receptively to other critiques and tips in this very thread

 

[arkhamguy123]

That's fair, not trying to dunk on you. You have time. And it's great that you have your finances sorted out, genuinely. But from a woman's perspective, the career angle is the dealbreaker. All it takes it something you're working towards though, even an early plan, for some women to take a chance on you if they like the rest, and it sounds like you have the rest sorted out pretty well. So come up with an idea of a plan and lead with that rather than the Uber work.

First dates work through heuristics. As a man looking for a LTR, you're looking for shortcuts to determine: is she healthy, is she kind, is she emotionally stable, is she honest, is she loyal? We're hard wired for this to determine a good female mate. Women are looking for: does he have the ability to provide, is he willing to share resources, is he high status, competent/skilled, a leader, is his trajectory on the way up, does he see me as high value, is he strong, is he genuine, is he a serial killer/con artist/psycho?

The Uber work is doing well for you, but as a first date heuristic it's like a girl telling you she's an exotic dancer with a coke habit and undiagnosed BPD. Even if she seems amazing, you'll probably not call her back if you're looking for a stable LTR that leads somewhere.

Valid