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[ab.aeterno]

That ask don't tell policy can only last for so long. For heteros, their first relationships and sexualities are encouraged and celebrated (for the most part). "Oh why yes Jimmy we'd love to meet your girlfriend!" "My boy is a grown up man now" Heh... I:

#straightprivilege

Yeah, I've made my life quite the little house of cards that way. It gets increasingly harder to have reasons I've found no woman to date, when speaking to extended family and friends.

Really, I'm almost more worried how most of my straight friends will take it, specifically because of the dynamic most of those friendships have. Swear to Christ they enjoy acting gay more than gay people, given the things they say and how they act. But given they act that way to me and I act that way back, I have a terrible fear they'll retroactively misconstrue out from entirely joking (which it always has been) to not -- given how most straight people seem to think gay people must find them attractive.

One of my best friends and I are constantly joking about fucking each other, and we call each other baby and bae. How awkward will it be to admit, yo I actually am gay, to a friend like that? Ugh.

We'll see. I finally have a couple people I feel I can comfortably come out to, so the question is if and when I'll take that step finally.

 

[Rayis]

I honestly feel no pressure to come out to anyone tbh, I feel it's more drama than is worth, I think my general behavior gives it away for the most part tho

 

[Grakl]

lmao

Spoiler

btw did you ever watch the httyd tv show and was it good

I watched part of it and thought it was pretty low quality for the most part, but I'll probably check it out again while waiting for the third movie.

I will mail you some genuine NYC snow once I get it Graks.

Hah, thanks dood. You should really meet me and Lucario when we go back to NYC.

Yeah, I've made my life quite the little house of cards that way. It gets increasingly harder to have reasons I've found no woman to date, when speaking to extended family and friends. *snip*

Damn, that does seem hella awkward.

 

[Kater]

^That Toothless gif is adorable.

GermanGaffers unite!

Time to take over this thread buahahaha

I think I missed something, I really didn't know that you were a GermanGAFfer. Maybe I missed you mentioning it before.

And Damon Benett too, cool. =D

 

[Henchmen21]

It finally snowed here. Not too much but it's better than nothing.

 

[ab.aeterno]

Damn, that does seem hella awkward.

Yeah. Straight guys are weird, y'all.

 

[Dany]

I just saw the Korra series finale. Really loved it, it was so sweet. I only wish that Nick showed it on TV.

 

[garyBig]

^That Toothless gif is adorable.


I think I missed something, I really didn't know that you were a GermanGAFfer. Maybe I missed you mentioning it before.

And Damon Benett too, cool. =D

Ha, it appears I really only stealth-mentioned it when people started boasting about their foreign language skills:

Ha ich komm aus Deutschland pero tuve una clase de español en la escuela

Spoiler

(?)

(Though I do admit even now my brain wants to put you in a spanish-speaking country based on your username alone. But that's our secret weapon. We GermanGaffers lurk in the shadows. Hiding in plain sight. Everything's going according to plan hehe)

 

[Kater]

Ha, it appears I really only stealth-mentioned it when people started boasting their foreign language skills:

(Though I do admit even now my brain wants to put you in a spanish-speaking country based on your username alone. But that's our secret weapon. We GermanGaffers lurk in the shadows. Hiding in plain sight. Everything's going according to plan hehe)

Alles verläuft genau nach Keikaku.

I thought you were also just trying to fool me like Ratsky did.

 

[DOWN]

I know people's own challenges are relative, and sometimes I feel bad for thinking this... But I wonder a lot about what challenge I'd face being straight. My straight, white brother and dad just make me thankful for all the things I have gotten out of being gay, especially coming to terms with the challenges of it.

Not that I've always felt good about it, but I wouldn't change now. It's done too much good for my sense of empathy and observation.

 

[Kevyt]

Same here. I like being bi. Makes life just a little bit more interesting.

It is more interesting! I can't imagine how my life would be being straight, perhaps there would be less drama and that would be... boring. lol

So many beautiful creatures there. Oh, and you forgot about Moose! Majestic species.

But I originally thought of hunky, hairy lumberjacks when I wrote 'bears' to be honest, I didn't mean the wildlife.

Oh, yeah. I meant that too. But I was trying to be funny.

GermanGaffers unite!

Time to take over this thread buahahaha

o.o I don't know... last time Germans tried to take over something it didn't go well.

Spoiler

Kidding, just kidding

German guys... :3 <3

Yeah, I've made my life quite the little house of cards that way. It gets increasingly harder to have reasons I've found no woman to date, when speaking to extended family and friends.

Really, I'm almost more worried how most of my straight friends will take it, specifically because of the dynamic most of those friendships have. Swear to Christ they enjoy acting gay more than gay people, given the things they say and how they act. But given they act that way to me and I act that way back, I have a terrible fear they'll retroactively misconstrue out from entirely joking (which it always has been) to not -- given how most straight people seem to think gay people must find them attractive.

One of my best friends and I are constantly joking about fucking each other, and we call each other baby and bae. How awkward will it be to admit, yo I actually am gay, to a friend like that? Ugh.

We'll see. I finally have a couple people I feel I can comfortably come out to, so the question is if and when I'll take that step finally.

You should definitely find people you're comfortable with and come out to them when you feel the time is right. Yeah straight guys can be weird. I had friends who joked like that too, it was worse when I came out to one my friends, he joked about making out with me even more. It was confusing and awkward. You should come out when you feel comfortable.

I honestly feel no pressure to come out to anyone tbh, I feel it's more drama than is worth, I think my general behavior gives it away for the most part tho

I agree, sometimes the drama isn't worth it. But I'm curious, how does your behavior gives it away?

 

[Henchmen21]

Yeah. Straight guys are weird, y'all.

Yes but the hot ones are fun to look at

Spoiler

among other things

 

[garyBig]

I know people's own challenges are relative, and sometimes I feel bad for thinking this... But I wonder a lot about what challenge I'd face being straight. My straight, white brother and dad just make me thankful for all the things I have gotten out of being gay, especially coming to terms with the challenges of it.

Not that I've always felt good about it, but I wouldn't change now. It's done too much good for my sense of empathy and observation.

My challenges are relatively minor and probly still ahead of me for the most part, bit so much yes. I can only hope I'd have such a strong sense of justice and empathy and human rights. Everyone can benefit from a minority experience. That's why it's so important to teach minority discourse at schools. Everyone should be encouraged to try to see things from a minority's perspective at least once in their lives.

Also, I agree with the others, it would definitely be more boring

o.o I don't know... last time Germans tried to take over something it didn't go well.

It didn't even go well before that. Losing world wars is as german as Bratwürste (yum). And that's a good thing even. lol you have no idea how much fun we are having mocking the condition of our army/Bundeswehr at the moment. They should honestly make a sitcom about it. (urgh german sitcoms, maybe a comedy film instead)

 

[Kater]

It didn't even go well before that. Losing world wars is as german as Bratwürste (youm). And that's a good thing even. lol you have no idea how much fun we are having mocking the condition of our army/Bundeswehr at the moment. They should honestly make a sitcom about it. (urgh german sitcoms, maybe a comedy film instead)

Some German-Austrian collaboration film would be nice. With Moritz Bleibtreu and Josef Hader, possibly. Moritz for the good looks and Hader for the comedy.

<3 Bleibtreu

 

[Blood Diamonds]

I know people's own challenges are relative, and sometimes I feel bad for thinking this... But I wonder a lot about what challenge I'd face being straight. My straight, white brother and dad just make me thankful for all the things I have gotten out of being gay, especially coming to terms with the challenges of it.

Not that I've always felt good about it, but I wouldn't change now. It's done too much good for my sense of empathy and observation.

I feel like that too but I don't feel bad about it. My brother's like 22 and he's already getting married with a girl he fights with a lot, my parents apparently think it's okay and it's none of my business tbh

 

[Kevyt]

It finally snowed here. Not too much but it's better than nothing.

That's good. Too much snow can be troublesome. At least now you can get more into the Christmas spirit with some snow.

My challenges are relatively minor and probly still ahead of me for the most part, bit so much yes. I can only hope I'd have such a strong sense of justice and empathy and human rights. Everyone can benefit from a minority experience. That's why it's so important to teach minority discourse at schools. Everyone should be encouraged to try to see things from a minority's perspective at least once in their lives.

Also, I agree with the others, it would definitely be more boring



It didn't even go well before that. Losing world wars is as german as Bratwürste (yum). And that's a good thing even. lol you have no idea how much fun we are having mocking the condition of our army/Bundeswehr at the moment. They should honestly make a sitcom about it. (urgh german sitcoms, maybe a comedy film instead)

Germany is a peaceful and friendly country, I don't think you guys need a large army. Also, I believe there's a law that prevents the German army from getting too big, isn't there?

Some German-Austrian collaboration film would be nice. With Moritz Bleibtreu and Josef Hader, possibly. Moritz for the good looks and Hader for the comedy.

<3 Bleibtreu

I will have to Google them, but I'm sure they're good-looking.

 

[Kater]

I will have to Google them, but I'm sure they're good-looking.

Well, Hader was really good-looking when he was younger, but age took his toll on him. He's still a real charmer though, which is also an attractive attribute so he can make up for all the wrinkles and loose skin.

That was him when he was young:

 

[Kevyt]

Well, Hader was really good-looking when he was younger, but age took his toll on him. He's still a real charmer though, which is also an attractive attribute so he can make up for all the wrinkles and loose skin.

That was him when he was young:

Hmmm... I agree, he looks like a charmer!

I would love to see a sitcom or comedy film with guys like Manuel Neuer, and Valentin Schweiger:

And Fassbender of course

 

[Mr_Zombie]

Yeah, I've made my life quite the little house of cards that way. It gets increasingly harder to have reasons I've found no woman to date, when speaking to extended family and friends.

It's easy when you're an IT guy and spend all your time behind PC. A friend of mine once said: "If you're in your late 20s and don't have a girlfriend it means you're either gay or an IT guy"

Really, I'm almost more worried how most of my straight friends will take it, specifically because of the dynamic most of those friendships have. Swear to Christ they enjoy acting gay more than gay people, given the things they say and how they act. But given they act that way to me and I act that way back, I have a terrible fear they'll retroactively misconstrue out from entirely joking (which it always has been) to not -- given how most straight people seem to think gay people must find them attractive.

I can relate. My straight friends act gayer than my gay friends: all that sweet talking, ass/nipple grabbing, duck faces and all. It's all for fun, but still, it may make coming out even more difficult (or at least weirder).

 

[Henchmen21]

First two pics: Yes
Last two pics: No

 

[HylianTom]

Wow. Yum!

Has anyone decided to make a gay porn parody of the "Too Many Cooks" video yet? The title writes itself..

And regarding the "acting gay" topic.. young men confuse me. My gaydar is so damn nonfunctional when it comes to guys under a certain age.

 

[Kevyt]

First two pics: Yes
Last two pics: No

I love how Neuer grabs the ball in that picture. The debris that's flying around as he's splashing into the ground. He's a really good goalkeeper.

Wow. Yum!

Has anyone decided to make a gay porn parody of the "Too Many Cooks" video yet? The title writes itself..

And regarding the "acting gay" topic.. young men confuse me. My gaydar is so damn nonfunctional when it comes to guys under a certain age.

I can already see it... the video itself is funny. Something with a gay porn spin would be hilarious.

Yeah young guys are confusing. Kids these days... >.>

 

[Henchmen21]

Wow. Yum!

Has anyone decided to make a gay porn parody of the "Too Many Cooks" video yet? The title writes itself..

And regarding the "acting gay" topic.. young men confuse me. My gaydar is so damn nonfunctional when it comes to guys under a certain age.

Same. About the second part. You can never have Too Many of the other thing.

 

[garyBig]

Some German-Austrian collaboration film would be nice. With Moritz Bleibtreu and Josef Hader, possibly. Moritz for the good looks and Hader for the comedy.

<3 Bleibtreu

They just need to hire someone like Diane Kruger to focus all humourous energy into a satirical version of Von der Leyen. The army (haha) of soldier roles may then be cast on looks alone I think we have a real hit on our hands here

 

[Kevyt]

They just need to hire someone like Diane Kruger to focus all humourous energy into a satirical version of Von der Leyen. The army (haha) of soldier roles may then be cast on looks alone I think we have a real hit on our hands here

Someone should start writing a script.

 

[Grizzo]

Yeah, unrequited feelings are hard. Trust me, I understand all too well. We're all here pulling for you!

Aaw, I feel for you man. I have been in a similar situation. "just a friend." respect that and try to move on.

In my case however, a few months later he asked if I wanted to move in with him. I respectfully declined. Housing together with your crush is not a good idea.

You speak German, Ratsky? Hab ich gar nicht gewusst! ;

It's such a long way off though and my budget is very tight. ;_;

Thank you for the offer though. Maybe some other time. LGBTQIABC OT get-together would be fun too. ^^


Ouch... Yeah, that sounds really awkward and painful. But hey, don't let that dishearten you.

Thank you so much you guys. I felt embarrassed by my post a few hours after having posted it. But hey, that's what too much drinking can do for you, right?

I ended up going home with another guy, so the night ended on a nice note at least. Pwah, anyway, you're right I gotta move on and let things happen as they should. On to the next one!

That's the book that you talked about before, right? Didn't you mention that you will also get it translated? I'd like to read that, I can't do dating. It's like Mathematics to me, really complicated and I don't really see much of a point in it. >->

Haha yeah it might get translated so I'll tell you more about it once it's finished! We're halfway through it. Should be done by February (but it's not coming out until much later, like September).

I hope it'll help you or at the very least make you laugh (it's not that serious it's full of jokes)

 

[CornBurrito]

One of my best friends and I are constantly joking about fucking each other, and we call each other baby and bae. How awkward will it be to admit, yo I actually am gay, to a friend like that? Ugh.

Oh jeez. That's a tough situation. Sorry dude.

 

[RM8]

 

[daripad]

I can't communicate with this guy I was chatting with because he doesn't have credit on his phone and has no internet at home &#128546; So I sent him a message basically saying have a nice day and do your best today just so he knows that I'm there. Was it a right thing to do or was it cheesy?

 

[Grakl]

I can't communicate with this guy I was chatting with because he doesn't have credit on his phone and has no internet at home &#128546; So I sent him a message basically saying have a nice day and do your best today just so he knows that I'm there. Was it a right thing to do or was it cheesy?

I think that's sweet, nothing wrong with it.

 

[Kater]

Valentin Schweiger

Correction: It's Til Schweiger. And please no, he is not a good fit for comedy films.

Spoiler

He's kinda sexy though.

They just need to hire someone like Diane Kruger to focus all humourous energy into a satirical version of Von der Leyen. The army (haha) of soldier roles may then be cast on looks alone I think we have a real hit on our hands here

I don't know that much about Von der Leyen besides that she is some German politician. :s
What has she done to deserve some satire based on her person?

Thank you so much you guys. I felt embarrassed by my post a few hours after having posted it. But hey, that's what too much drinking can do for you, right?

I ended up going home with another guy, so the night ended on a nice note at least. Pwah, anyway, you're right I gotta move on and let things happen as they should. On to the next one!

There was nothing wrong with your post. Well, the typos were a real pain.

Spoiler

Kidding, of course. :3

Glad you found someone else to share the night with, Grizzo.

Haha yeah it might get translated so I'll tell you more about it once it's finished! We're halfway through it. Should be done by February (but it's not coming out until much later, like September).

I hope it'll help you or at the very least make you laugh (it's not that serious it's full of jokes)

Which languages will it be translated to, just English? That'd be fine with me too. But I would really like to see your book here in my local Thalia. I want to tell everyone that I know the author, haha.

And a good laugh is as good as a good advice, it's better than nothing.

I can't communicate with this guy I was chatting with because he doesn't have credit on his phone and has no internet at home &#128546; So I sent him a message basically saying have a nice day and do your best today just so he knows that I'm there. Was it a right thing to do or was it cheesy?

That's really sweet, I think. I'm sure he will be happy about it. &#128521;

 

[Grakl]

Birthday coming up, I already wish I was younger. Ugh lol

 

[daripad]

I think that's sweet, nothing wrong with it.

That's really sweet, I think. I'm sure he will be happy about it. &#128521;

Thanks guys, I was worried but now I can go on.

Birthday coming up, I already wish I was younger. Ugh lol

lol you're still young.

 

[kurona_bright]

what else did you smash into the ground

Nothing. I haven't worked up the nerve to actually tell my roommates at college, and I'm sorta overweight and not fit so I haven't worked up the nerve to approach anybody.

I hadn't told anyone. One parent found out by accident and confronted me, then told the other. I have the cliche conservative religious family, so you can imagine it wasn't exactly well received.

Fuck, it's been a long time and it still hurts to think about that day too much. But, like you, they still love me enough to support me, and never considered kicking me out or sending me to some pray the gay away camp, so in that sense, I was lucky. We get by on a policy of don't ask don't tell for now and not talk about it.

My parents' religion factored into that mess of a day, to be honest. :/
It doesn't hurt for me to think about it most of the time - but some stuff happened last year at college and I broke down into ugly tears so I'm pretty sure I'm just repressing it. Never going to forget that day, anyways.

 

[alvmew]

I can't communicate with this guy I was chatting with because he doesn't have credit on his phone and has no internet at home &#128546; So I sent him a message basically saying have a nice day and do your best today just so he knows that I'm there. Was it a right thing to do or was it cheesy?

That's adorable. I wish I got messages from guys like that <3


How's everyone's day going GayGAF?

Spoiler

I call it that out of habit, so no need to yell bi erasure at me. Lol

At my new job, there is a holiday lunch today but it's at red lobster and I'm super allergic, so I got to pick a different place to get food from that the firm paid for (cheesecake factory yummmmm) and now I get to just hold down the fort at the office for a good hour or two and do nothing while they go eat. Woo hoo!

 

[Crayons]

I emailed a guy on craigslist who is married and more than twice my age.

Bad idea, right?

 

[Grakl]

I emailed a guy on craigslist who is married and more than twice my age.

Bad idea, right?

Yes.

lol you're still young.

Still can't shake dis feeling.

 

[DOWN]

I emailed a guy on craigslist who is married and more than twice my age.

Bad idea, right?

Depends on what you were looking for on Craigslist.

Spoiler

a sexy pension or a treadmill?

 

[alvmew]

I emailed a guy on craigslist who is married and more than twice my age.

Bad idea, right?

Yeah. Lol. They can be good fun, but the married thing is kind of ehhh

I've actually slept with two guys like that, but for both I didn't know they were married going into it or else I would've said no.

Spoiler

Probably.

 

[Kater]

Birthday coming up, I already wish I was younger. Ugh lol

How old are you again?

 

[Haly]

He's like 2,

Spoiler

in dragon years.

 

[Crayons]

Yeah. Lol. They can be good fun, but the married thing is kind of ehhh

I've actually slept with two guys like that, but for both I didn't know they were married going into it or else I would've said no.

Spoiler

Probably.

Depends on what you were looking for on Craigslist.

Spoiler

a sexy pension or a treadmill?

Yes.

Yeah.. I just relieved myself and realized how many things could go wrong

Hormones are a helluva drug

 

[Kater]

He's like 2,

Spoiler

in dragon years.

How much is that in human years?

 

[Grakl]

How much is that in human years?

I'm turning 20 in a couple weeks.

 

[CornBurrito]

lol. Spent half an hour trying to figure out a really simply coding problem and forgot the solution I needed was just using "+="

Also I wish I had a BF. I think I'll enter the dating world once I finish college this semester. But in the mean time I need to seriously put some real work into fixing my emaciated skeleton look.

 

[Kater]

I'm turning 20 in a couple weeks.

Old man.

Spoiler

I'm 23, old tomcat but hey, life's still good to me.

lol. Spent half an hour trying to figure out a really simply coding problem and forgot the solution I needed was just using "+="

Also I wish I had a BF. I think I'll enter the dating world once I finish college this semester. But in the mean time I need to seriously put some real work into fixing my emaciated skeleton look.

Eat more Pizza, yo.

Also, wishing you good luck on your search for a partner.

 

[CornBurrito]

Eat more Pizza, yo.

Also, wishing you good luck on your search for a partner.

Thanks. Thing is I eat fattening shit when I do eat, like bread/pizza etc... I guess I just don't actually eat much over the course of the day. Gotta maybe just bring some high calorie snack like nuts with me and make myself eat them all day. And maybe drink more milk.

Also a question for umop: do you think games like COOT are kind of harmful in that they perpetuate unrealistic romantic dreams? Ie. straight jock just happens to be gay and in love with you, best friend ends up falling for you and being gay/bi despite seeming straight for years and years, etc...?

 

[garyBig]

Correction:
I don't know that much about Von der Leyen besides that she is some German politician. :s
What has she done to deserve some satire based on her person?

Ms Ursula von der Leyen is our current Verteidugungsministerin (Minister of Defence), so she's in control of the military. In other words she is the Bundeswehr. She previously held the position of Minister for Family Affairs and fittiingly this woman has seven (!) children.

So she's like the workaholic SuperMum of the Bundeswehr. She's the strict and determined while warm and loving mother trying to keep her wild bunch of 180,000 kids together while the house is collapsing around her (most of their equipment is not really working, to replace it they buy new stuff that isn't working either and it's a running joke that a majority of their helicopters are not in any shape to fly; add to this ongoing downsizing and lack of direction or things to do ^^).

Now all of this goes perfectly together with her constant wish to reform the army and her campaigns to make the BW a more attractive, inclusive and 'family-friendly' employer (says mum of 7). Part of that is also to equip the quarters with flatscreens, mini fridges and wardrobes with mirrors (lol).

So, in (satirical) effect, she's Michael Bluth aka the one who keeps the straight face while she's trying to keep them all together and making the army softer and, dare I say, gayer (next up: whirlpools for all soldiers!^^).
-
But wait, plot-twist, now North Korea declares war against Germany b/c not only everyone at NATO and their mothers think that this is one easy army to defeat. Can WonderWoman SuperMum Von der friggin Leyen keep her bunch of inhumanly good looking and good-hearted but slightly incompetent party-and-wellness-soldiers together in the face of this mighty enemy? Will her hair make it through? Will the outsiders form together to become the underdogs this crisis calls for? Will they free North Korea, save Sony Pictures and the world and eventually find the cake? (Of course they will!)

You see, it's the perfect family comedy film. It's 'Cheaper by the Dozen' and 'Cool Runnings' combined. It's also a thousand other films.
Oh and it also very much reminds me of 'Enlisted' which should NOT have been cancelled (damn that was such a good show! now i'm sad again haha)

How can this shit NOT make money?

 

[Kevyt]

Ms Ursula von der Leyen is our current Verteidugungsministerin (Minister of Defence), so she's in control of the military. In other words she IS the Bundeswehr. She previously held the position of Minister for Family Affairs and fittiingly she has seven (!) children.

So she's like the workaholic SuperMum of the Bundeswehr. She's the strict and determined while warm and loving mother trying to keep her wild bunch of 180,000 kids together while the house is collapsing around her (most of their equipment is not really working, to replace it they buy new stuff that isn't working either and it's a running joke that a majority of their helicopters are not in any shape to fly; add to this ongoing downsizing and lack of direction or things to do ^^).

Now all of this goes perfectly together with her constant wish to reform the army and her campaigns to make the BW a more attractive, inclusive and 'family-friendly' employer (says mum of 7). Part of that is also to equip the quarters with flatscreens, mini fridges and wardrobes with mirrors (lol).

So, in (satirical) effect, she's Michael Bluth aka the one who keeps the straight face while she's trying to keep them all together and making the army softer and, dare I say, gayer (next up: whirlpools for all soldiers!^^).
-
But wait, plot-twist, now North Korea declares war against Germany b/c not only everyone at NATO and their mothers think that this is one easy army to defeat. Can WonderWoman SuperMum Von der friggin Leyen keep her bunch of inhumanly good looking and good-hearted but slightly incompetent party-and-wellness-soldiers together in the face of this mighty enemy? Will her hair make it through? Will the outsiders form to become the underdogs this crisis calls for? Will they free North Korea, save Sony Pictures and the world and eventually find the cake? (Of course they will!)

You see, it's the perfect family comedy film. It's 'Cheaper by the Dozen' and 'Cool Runnings' combined. It's also a thousand other films.
Oh and it also very much reminds me of 'Enlisted' which should NOT have been cancelled (damn that was such a good show! now i'm sad again haha)

This could be a very interesting comedy film. Who would play Ms Ursula von der Leyen? Seems like a good comedian would be fit for the role.

 

[Kater]

Thanks. Thing is I eat fattening shit when I do eat, like bread/pizza etc... I guess I just don't actually eat much over the course of the day. Gotta maybe just bring some high calorie snack like nuts with me and make myself eat them all day. And maybe drink more milk.

Milk is not the only source of protein and fat. I believe you could try out the Asian cuisine and get better results with that.

Where will you look for guys, just online? Or will you go out a bit to bars or whatever. Me, I had better chances at bars with guys. The online thing never worked out for me, because the guys there all had too high expectations (adonis belts, tan, etc).

Ms Ursula von der Leyen is our current Verteidugungsministerin (Minister of Defence), so she's in control of the military. In other words she IS the Bundeswehr. She previously held the position of Minister for Family Affairs and fittiingly she has seven (!) children.

So she's like the workaholic SuperMum of the Bundeswehr. She's the strict and determined while warm and loving mother trying to keep her wild bunch of 180,000 kids together while the house is collapsing around her (most of their equipment is not really working, to replace it they buy new stuff that isn't working either and it's a running joke that a majority of their helicopters are not in any shape to fly; add to this ongoing downsizing and lack of direction or things to do ^^).

Now all of this goes perfectly together with her constant wish to reform the army and her campaigns to make the BW a more attractive, inclusive and 'family-friendly' employer (says mum of 7). Part of that is also to equip the quarters with flatscreens, mini fridges and wardrobes with mirrors (lol).

So, in (satirical) effect, she's Michael Bluth aka the one who keeps the straight face while she's trying to keep them all together and making the army softer and, dare I say, gayer (next up: whirlpools for all soldiers!^^).
-
But wait, plot-twist, now North Korea declares war against Germany b/c not only everyone at NATO and their mothers think that this is one easy army to defeat. Can WonderWoman SuperMum Von der friggin Leyen keep her bunch of inhumanly good looking and good-hearted but slightly incompetent party-and-wellness-soldiers together in the face of this mighty enemy? Will her hair make it through? Will the outsiders form together to become the underdogs this crisis calls for? Will they free North Korea, save Sony Pictures and the world and eventually find the cake? (Of course they will!)

You see, it's the perfect family comedy film. It's 'Cheaper by the Dozen' and 'Cool Runnings' combined. It's also a thousand other films.
Oh and it also very much reminds me of 'Enlisted' which should NOT have been cancelled (damn that was such a good show! now i'm sad again haha)

How can this shit NOT make money?

I laughed way too much reading through your post. That's hilarious. Oh, and I possibly didn't mention it but I'm Austrian and I know mostly just about the Austrian politicians. I know a little bit about Merkel, the CDU and the NPD but that's about it when it comes to German politics.