This morning for some reason I got into a conversation with my mom about a topic we've been avoiding for two years. It's almost five years since I came out to her and her response is still the same. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to be happy and persue something meaningful with whoever I loved. She quickly catched on and said; "well I hope you are behaving well and I do not ever want to see you with another men. If you do, you can forget that you ever had a mother. I gave birth to a man, not a ****" Along with some other terrible things. I'm still trying to get over my mom's words. I would never say that to my children if I was a parent. I had hoped that after all this time she would have changed. She says she will never approve of that lifestyle and I should not waste my time convincing her otherwise. I've engaged in so many arguments and discussions with other people, who by definition are homophobic, some include very devoted conservative Christians. It feels as uf they're more understanding than my mother, at least that's my own impression. They may go on about " love the sinner hate the sin" and so on but their words have never been painful. Not as painful as my mother's words. I feel like I am unable to engage in a meaningful discussion with my mother hoping to make her understand, the same way I've done with my fellow conservative Christian friends. I feel terrible, although it was a short exchange of words. I only said to her that it was unfair. I started to listen to music feeling enraged and sad. I'm unable ti shake off this feeling. I am unable to reason with my mother after all this time. It is very disappointing. I'm literally shaking, but maybe it's the effect of the coffee I had. One thing is true; I'm stressed and this isn't good for my acne, lol.