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[Timedog]

So yeah, I got a Christmas package from my folks filled with a framed picture of my niece (cool), some peanut brittle (cool, i guess?), and long awful looking knee high gym socks that I'm never ever going to wear (???). It was the typical gift from my mom who once bought me a bright orange and blue striped polo shirt with a...faux denim collar? Yeah, I don't really know what's going on with either of my parents, although I love them greatly. They're both kind of weird and my dad looks like black Hulk Hogan.

Anyways, lets cut to the chase--the gym sock. I'm not gonna fucking wear these gym socks, and they're too big for my girlfriend I think, plus my girlfriend has been out of town for over a week. Hmmmm, given my unique circumstances, I wonder what a small tubular absorbent cloth receptacle might be useful for...

Yes, I jizzed all over the money. Happened about 10 minutes ago. I just so happened to pick out the 1 out of 4 socks containing the money, and I just happened not to notice it until hot gribbis was sputtering uncontrollably out of my sock-philandering chowderspout. This begs question*: what the fuck do I do now?

1) let it dry and pretend like nothing happened, since money is gross anyway? (ewwwww)
2) attempt to very carefully wash it somehow without ripping it?
3) ???
4) Profit


*

Spoiler

no, it doesn't actually beg the question

 

[MrDaravon]

How much money?

Also what the fuck.

 

[Menelaus]

Spend it at a strip club

 

[BertramCooper]

 

[MadmanUK]

Black hulk hogan? Need pics!!!

 

[Horse Armour]

How much was it?

P.S: How does Devo feel about you vicariously subjugating women by watching pornography?

 

[Nevasleep]

Parents are probably drug dealers.

 

[EVOL 100%]

Was expecting an heartwarming story, not.. this

 

[Darklord]

You were meant to blow the money, not blow on the money.

 

[Unknown One]

Wash it in the washing machine. It might turn the money into a hard brick, but you should be able to use it and get rid of it.

 

[JohnDoe]

Yes, I jizzed all over the money. Happened about 10 minutes ago. I just so happened to pick out the 1 out of 4 socks containing the money, and I just happened not to notice it until hot gribbis was sputtering uncontrollably out of my sock-philandering chowderspout. This begs question*: what the fuck do I do now?

LMAO

Let it dry and buy a fleshlight with the money so this won't happen to you again.

 

[meltingparappa]

Better than a bar of soap in a sock.

 

[Bururian]

I'm sure that money has had worse things on it.

Or not.

 

[Rhaegar]

Quite the money shot.

 

[deejay8595]

They're both kind of weird and my dad looks like black Hulk Hogan.

Please post pics on here or PM me..PLEASEEEE! LOLOL!

 

[ffdgh]

...ewwwwww

 

[Metalmurphy]

How did you not notice prior?



How much money was it anyway?

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

Aside from the particular sort of sock, this story pretty much played out as I imagined it would from the thread title.

Thumbs up!

Can you just wash the money in cold water as you would with a blood stain on clothes?

http://ask.metafilter.com/30129/removing-semen-stains

 

[Drkirby]

Its money, the stuff is fine. Just take it to the bank, they can deal with it.

 

[The Elite]

Let it dry. I'm sure the cash has been through much worse anyways.

Also, people really jizz in socks?

 

[FalsettoVibe]

Was expecting an heartwarming story, not.. this

Same here. Also, how do you pick up a sock and relieve yourself in it, not knowing there was something in it? Wouldn't you have felt that as soon as you picked it up?

 

[Combichristoffersen]

Pics of your black Hulk Hogan dad stat.

 

[JohnDoe]

Same here. Also, how do you pick up a sock and relieve yourself in it, not knowing there was something in it?

Gym socks are really long.

 

[x-Lundz-x]

GAF never ceases to amaze me.

 

[Timedog]

How did you not notice prior?

It's a long sock, and once I was finishing I folded the length of the sock in such a way that it might soak up more of the gribbis. When folding I noticed some that felt paper-like and pulled it out.

I am almost 30 years old.

 

[Skiesofwonder]

So basically a scorpion or some other vile creature could have been in that sock while you were doing the deed, and you wouldn't have even known!

Protip: check the holes you put your dick in.

 

[Aguirre]

whose to say you are the first to cum on that money?

 

[Hanmik]

coins or dollar bills..?

 

[friskykillface]

haha wow. just woke up reading about this

didn't expect op to be timedog, idk man, just leave it alone for a couple days i guess.

 

[Timedog]

now after thinking about this, there's almost certainly dudes out there who jizz all over all their money, knowing how many people are going to touch it. Or maybe even do worse.

FUCK.

 

[Hawkian]

I am almost 30 years old.

This was a nice touch

 

[Hanmik]

now after thinking about this, there's almost certainly dudes out there who jizz all over all their money, knowing how many people are going to touch it. Or maybe even do worse.

FUCK.

 

[Giard]

Can't stop laughing.

If only they were polymer bills, you could've washed them off... Can't you at least wipe it off with a wet tissue?

 

[Slayer-33]

What the fuck?! LOL

No one commented on this yet?

 

[shuri]

Just how much money did they give you? How come you didnt feel the money bundle weighting down the sock?

 

[EVOL 100%]

It's a long sock, and once I was finishing I folded the length of the sock in such a way that it might soak up more of the gribbis. When folding I noticed some that felt paper-like and pulled it out.

I am almost 30 years old.

I lost it.

 

[Bossun]

I always thought using a sock was kind of a myth, some kinda urban legend.

Who does that anyway? Apart from Timedog who is using knee high socks, which made me jealous.

 

[goodfella]

Tissue paper not good enought for you?

 

[Phat Michael]

need to see black hulk hogan. you cant drop a bomb like that without pics.

 

[Blackace]

Get package from parents hurries to masturbate... Sounds normal

 

[atomsk]

Black hulk hogan? Need pics!!!

Spoiler

there aren't any clearer pictures of Daring Gigas I could find

 

[PartTimeWarrior]

I will now think twice before I stick that crisp 20$ bill into my mouth

 

[Foliorum Viridum]

Blatantly a made up story.

If you're gonna lie on the internet don't use a popular urban legend. Heard this story so many times.

 

[Koomaster]

I'll take the money.

 

[Combichristoffersen]

Were you looking at the pic of your niece while jacking it?

 

[Timedog]

Blatantly a made up story.

If you're gonna lie on the internet don't use a popular urban legend. Heard this story so many times.

lulwut

 

[The Elite]

So basically a scorpion or some other vile creature could have been in that sock while you were doing the deed, and you wouldn't have even known!

Protip: check the holes you put your dick in.

This doesn't just apply to socks.

 

[Volimar]

Get package from parents hurries to masturbate... Sounds normal

Peanut brittle is a known sexual stimulant.




Everybody think of that next time you're at grandma's.

 

[Foliorum Viridum]

lulwut

Great post.

I look forward to your next thread about you testing your local fast food and finding semen in it.

 

[I'm an expert]

So basically a scorpion or some other vile creature could have been in that sock while you were doing the deed, and you wouldn't have even known!

Protip: check the holes you put your dick in.

http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/278783

best part..

wow u now hold a record for most insects fucked
#252 - On 03/24/2010 at 4:09pm by abcnonamecba


@252: Spiders aren't insects...

This isn't an original story or anything, but "knowing" timedog it probably happened. Or didn't. Meh either way.