These thoughts.. these fantasies.. this is like bedtime porn for me.
Forget nifty erotic stories - tell me more about Hannity trying not to break-down on live television. And provide lots of detail. I wanna hear about Hannity's big hot load
.
*Hannity walks in with a big grin on his face, excited for the day*
1 hour later:
Britt Hume: We're ready to make our first swing state call and it's a big one. Florida has been called for President Barak Obama
Hannity: Wait, really? You sure.
Hume: Yes. It has also been called by other networks for the President. This is a big blow to Governor Romney's campaign. He will now need to make up ground with other swing states.
Hannity: I can't believe it. And called this early?
*scrunches face*
We'll just have to see how the rest goes.
30 mins pass
Hume: We're ready to make another call. This one is Virginia and much like Florida, it too we are projecting to go to President Obama
*Hannity with a near emotionless stare*
Hume: Well, let's go to our panel.
*Hannity's phone rings in background telling him of poor internals for Ohio from his buddies and the election is over*
Hume: Sean, it looks like the President will win another term with a lot of electoral votes.
Hannity: You know, I can't believe it. I mean, what does this man have to do til people realize he's destroying America? What will it take? DO I NEED TO PUT MY UNDERWEAR ON MY HEAD AND SCREAM AT YOU PEOPLE BECAUSE I WILL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HE'S A KENYAN COMMUNIST FOR CHRIST'S SAKE
*Hannity sits back down as Laura Ingraham calms him down*
Hume: Let's talk to some of our analysts. Welcome Michelle.
Malkin: Americans R So DUM. GAWD
Hume: Okay, and on to Karl Rove
*sounds of a shotgun being cocked in the background*
Hume: Looks like there's technical difficulties getting Rove here. Let's bring in Dick
Morris: I don't understand. All my internal polling I conducted in the field this week said Obama was going to lose big. There must have been a stunning reversal in the last two days. People must have felt ashamed to not vote for a black person.
*sounds of a crash. A man appears from nowhere comes up behind Hannity. Proceeds to dance Gangham Style on him*
*Hannity turns back*
Hannity: Fuck you Alan.
Colmes: mwahahahahahahaha How does my ass taste, bitch?
*end transmission*