Byakuya769
Member
Hahahaha. Fuck.
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"Simping" |OT| or Where Dating and Depression Meet
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MisterNegative
Banned
Yeah, this guy gets it.
The erection part is a bit extreme but yeah. Be sharp, be swift.
undrtakr900
Member
Ah okay I get what you're saying, thanks for the advice, I'll take this as a lesson learned.
xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
Well, my current plan is to not respond at all, which usually I'm not a fan of, but I feel as though everything within my power has been done to allow her the chance to explain her actions, with her responses being continuously ambiguous and vague when repeatedly given the chance to explain how she feels about me, I feel as though this is justified.
My phone plan is through Sprint, and I should look into it. It probably would be best to just block her.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
I've been really having the urge to email this girl who broke things off with me earlier this year. To reestablish contact and see if maybe her mind has changed. A month or two ago I sent her one that she didn't respond to and she hasn't contacted me at all since like June. She herself was very much an introvert and was still in depression over her father's death last year. We only went as far as kissing and I had known her for 2 and a half years. She wanted to be friends and I didn't. I know the usual protocol is to "save dignity and break off all contact" but I also feel that if I understand the odds of us getting close again are slim that I'm not doing anything wrong. What do you guys think?
SeaOfMadness
Member
One more thing. I've come to learn: There is no such thing as "mixed signals." That's bullshit. If she likes you, you'll know. There's nothing mixed about it. If you ever find yourself perplexed by these so-called mixed signals, (i.e. "hmm sometimes she seems like she really likes me and others, she seems indifferent. that's weird"), just drop it, right then and there.
Unless she's playing games (in which case, you don't want someone who plays games, do you?), "mixed" means "not interested". I don't care how hot she is, how awesome she is to be around, how amazing she looks in that outfit, you will save yourself an awful lot of grief if you are indifferent back to her. Women tend to make definitive moves when they think they are going to lose you to someone else *when they like you*. When they're not that interested, they just don't put in the effort.. because why would they?
Can a girl who is indifferent at first grow to really have feelings for you? Yeah, in the movies. But rarely otherwise. And like I said, in these rare cases, she won't let you get too far if she really does feel for you. You just have to take the leap of faith that she'd do that. Most people can't, I don't dispute that, but you'll be better of if you can. So that means, leave her alone.
Unless she's playing games (in which case, you don't want someone who plays games, do you?), "mixed" means "not interested". I don't care how hot she is, how awesome she is to be around, how amazing she looks in that outfit, you will save yourself an awful lot of grief if you are indifferent back to her. Women tend to make definitive moves when they think they are going to lose you to someone else *when they like you*. When they're not that interested, they just don't put in the effort.. because why would they?
Can a girl who is indifferent at first grow to really have feelings for you? Yeah, in the movies. But rarely otherwise. And like I said, in these rare cases, she won't let you get too far if she really does feel for you. You just have to take the leap of faith that she'd do that. Most people can't, I don't dispute that, but you'll be better of if you can. So that means, leave her alone.
SeaOfMadness
Member
This is what I meant by it being "hard". It shouldn't be this hard. She's either playing games with you, or flat out just not interested in you in that way. Treat her like just another girl that *you* aren't interested in, and it'll be a lot easier in the long run.
It's like a game of chicken, and 99% of the time, the girl will be the one who loses.
xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
Is this referring to in general? Or are you replying specifically to where my situation is at?
I mean, I'm not even interested in being friends at all with her at this point, that's why I'm choosing to completely remove her from my life.
SeaOfMadness
Member
Yeah was more general, but in your case, you're doing the right thing. You don't have to completely ignore her, but if that helps, that's fine.
In general when you act indifferent to someone who is also acting indifferent (or sending "mixed signals") the girl usually makes the first move. And if she doesn't, you know how she feels.
No girl who really likes a guy will let him get away that easily, unless of course she doesn't actually like him.xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
Yeah was more general, but in your case, you're doing the right thing. You don't have to completely ignore her, but if that helps, that's fine.
In general when you act indifferent to someone who is also acting indifferent (or sending "mixed signals") the girl usually makes the first move. And if she doesn't, you know how she feels.
Gotcha. Thanks, I appreciate your point of view on this, very insightful.
She doesn't want to be with you.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
You're right, and reading that sentence put me into a heavy depression for like 10 minutes. But I'm good now. I didn't send her anything either
I'm so glad to have found this thread last night. Let me tell you my story.
This girl, whom I had a previous date before which went well, came this week to my city. We had been making plans to meet each other again and I was hinting that I liked her. Things like inviting her to see twilight, telling her that I wanted to see her and how attractive she was to me.
She followed this by saying that she really wanted to see me as well and that she was really glad that I found her attractive, so I was really looking forward to meet her again.
But shit happened with the person she was staying with so I offered my place for she and her friend to stay. This way I could spend more time with her.
But yesterday when we all went out to lunch this guy shows up and it was really obvious that they were dating, despite her efforts to hide/downplay it. Fortunately I was with one of my friends and since he couldn't lunch with us I made up an excuse and left with him.
She still had her shit in my place so I was thinking of talking to her about it and how it was not cool of her not telling me that she already had a dick. But she showed up with him and I didn't go forward with it.
Since that I haven't talked to her but 30 min ago she sent me this text:
"hey, so after gaining courage I wanted to ask... what happened?".
I am in no hurry to reply to this, it already made me happy enough because it means I have the chance to say the stuff that I couldn't yesterday. I am thinking about calling her and be super straight to the point. Is this a good idea?
This girl, whom I had a previous date before which went well, came this week to my city. We had been making plans to meet each other again and I was hinting that I liked her. Things like inviting her to see twilight, telling her that I wanted to see her and how attractive she was to me.
She followed this by saying that she really wanted to see me as well and that she was really glad that I found her attractive, so I was really looking forward to meet her again.
But shit happened with the person she was staying with so I offered my place for she and her friend to stay. This way I could spend more time with her.
But yesterday when we all went out to lunch this guy shows up and it was really obvious that they were dating, despite her efforts to hide/downplay it. Fortunately I was with one of my friends and since he couldn't lunch with us I made up an excuse and left with him.
She still had her shit in my place so I was thinking of talking to her about it and how it was not cool of her not telling me that she already had a dick. But she showed up with him and I didn't go forward with it.
Since that I haven't talked to her but 30 min ago she sent me this text:
"hey, so after gaining courage I wanted to ask... what happened?
". I am in no hurry to reply to this, it already made me happy enough because it means I have the chance to say the stuff that I couldn't yesterday. I am thinking about calling her and be super straight to the point. Is this a good idea?
SilentProtagonist
Member
Baraka in the White House
2-Terms of Kombat
I'm so glad to have found this thread last night. Let me tell you my story.
This girl, whom I had a previous date before which went well, came this week to my city. We had been making plans to meet each other again and I was hinting that I liked her. Things like inviting her to see twilight, telling her that I wanted to see her and how attractive she was to me.
She followed this by saying that she really wanted to see me as well and that she was really glad that I found her attractive, so I was really looking forward to meet her again.
But shit happened with the person she was staying with so I offered my place for she and her friend to stay. This way I could spend more time with her.
But yesterday when we all went out to lunch this guy shows up and it was really obvious that they were dating, despite her efforts to hide/downplay it. Fortunately I was with one of my friends and since he couldn't lunch with us I made up an excuse and left with him.
She still had her shit in my place so I was thinking of talking to her about it and how it was not cool of her not telling me that she already had a dick. But she showed up with him and I didn't go forward with it.
Since that I haven't talked to her but 30 min ago she sent me this text:
"hey, so after gaining courage I wanted to ask... what happened?
I am in no hurry to reply to this, it already made me happy enough because it means I have the chance to say the stuff that I couldn't yesterday. I am thinking about calling her and be super straight to the point. Is this a good idea?
Wait for her to come back and talk face-to-face.
I'm so glad to have found this thread last night. Let me tell you my story.
This girl, whom I had a previous date before which went well, came this week to my city. We had been making plans to meet each other again and I was hinting that I liked her. Things like inviting her to see twilight, telling her that I wanted to see her and how attractive she was to me.
She followed this by saying that she really wanted to see me as well and that she was really glad that I found her attractive, so I was really looking forward to meet her again.
But shit happened with the person she was staying with so I offered my place for she and her friend to stay. This way I could spend more time with her.
But yesterday when we all went out to lunch this guy shows up and it was really obvious that they were dating, despite her efforts to hide/downplay it. Fortunately I was with one of my friends and since he couldn't lunch with us I made up an excuse and left with him.
She still had her shit in my place so I was thinking of talking to her about it and how it was not cool of her not telling me that she already had a dick. But she showed up with him and I didn't go forward with it.
Since that I haven't talked to her but 30 min ago she sent me this text:
"hey, so after gaining courage I wanted to ask... what happened?
I am in no hurry to reply to this, it already made me happy enough because it means I have the chance to say the stuff that I couldn't yesterday. I am thinking about calling her and be super straight to the point. Is this a good idea?
Dont call her. Just txt her saying you dont appreciate being strung along since its pretty obvious that she already has a BF.
In your situation, I think its better to be straight up honest
You're right, and reading that sentence put me into a heavy depression for like 10 minutes. But I'm good now. I didn't send her anything either
Good stuff. Sorry to be harsh.
xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
I haven't heard anything else from her, and I've definitely been tempted to get back to her, but so far I've still kept myself from responding.
I think you did well enough. I don't agree with Midnights' interpretation of your action. There's nothing wrong with ending a one-sided relationship.
SeaOfMadness
Member
you've made it clear, I think, how you feel about her, so its her move to reach out to you if she's interested in pursuing a relationship.
it doesn't seem like that's what she wants, so you have to let it go. Date someone else in the meantime. Nothing attracts chicks more than a guy who is in demand
Definitely don't waste your time dwelling on what could have been. It'll only lead to misery
SeaOfMadness
Member
yeah, the only possible reason for wanting to remain friends with someone you have feelings for, but who has no interest in you that way, should be because you truly think of them as a friend and have no interest yourself (anymore) of being anything but friends. You can use them for dating advice from a girls point of view.
of course, it's extremely difficult to do this if you still have feelings so the best move is usually to suck it up and distance yourself. If you keep thinking in the back of your mind that deep down she has feelings for you and if you can just stay friends long enough, she'll realize that, you are setting yourself up for misery.
like I said, if this was really the case, you'd know it. It should not be that hard to tell.
if you absolutely must remain friends, you should damn well be dating other girls at the same time.
xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
you've made it clear, I think, how you feel about her, so its her move to reach out to you if she's interested in pursuing a relationship.
it doesn't seem like that's what she wants, so you have to let it go. Date someone else in the meantime. Nothing attracts chicks more than a guy who is in demand
Definitely don't waste your time dwelling on what could have been. It'll only lead to misery
Thanks, much appreciated.
CommonSense
Banned
agreed 100%. A good rule to live by is if she hasn't shown interest by the third time you've hung out you can either up your friend count or get the fuck out...because she isn't interested.
Now....you can play childish games like be mean to her or ignore her, but at this point it will only work for a short time.
I'm married to a woman who earned it. I wasn't the best guy in school, lots of women...beers...etc....and she kept hanging around..picking up the pieces when I was broken...So I would say the converse is true for women....crazy ain't it?
You're characterizing his actions very unfairly here. I don't see anything wrong with what he did.
Sometimes you have to bail. It has nothing to do with demands, ultimatums, or whatever you want to call it, at least not in the traditional context of those words. There can come a point where remaining friends with someone is just unhealthy for a person's psyche. You can tell him that's not a good look, and I'd agree... if this is a recurring phenomenon. If he's cutting every single girl he knows out of his life, that might be a problem. But even the best of us have to cut someone loose every now and then.
undrtakr900
Member
Thanks for the feedback, I feel better. And I'm pretty sure she knew what she was doing she's always has guys all over her, one customer even gave her a poem he wrote. I'm just glad its over and hopefully never hear from her again.
Thanks, that was exactly my thoughts. I tried the whole "convince myself she's just a friend" before since we had to work together, but since she left/got another job its no reason to stay "friends".
Funny you mention that because she has a gorgeous sister who currently works at my job and we started talking with heavy flirting. At one point she even came over and straight asked me "Am I your girlfriend" and I said something like "Of course you are.." but never followed up or did anything because--like I said before--I'm extremely depressed. Since then its been sorta awkward between us with forced conversations as we try to be just friends.
Anyways, during that time they(simp+sister) would talk about me while at home, then [sister] would come back to work saying [simp] told her "I had a girlfriend" or that "I was still flirting with her" basically cock-blocking me. Its like she doesn't want me, but doesn't want me to be with anyone else. Then [simp] would randomly call me at work(after not talking for months) just to say "I heard you've been flirting with my sister" with pseudo-jealously and started being extremely flirty with me again. Once I started flirting back, she would blow me off again and I would fall for it every time.
Just glad that's over now.
undrtakr900
Member
I couldn't really "get the fuck out" because [at the time] I still worked with her. I stopped texting her but I still had to deal with her on the job.
I would always try to ignore her, but she knew exactly what to say to start my simping again.
That scenario happens with women also, I asked a girl I know why she's marrying a guy she's not into and she said: "He was always there for her and she doesn't really have anything else going on". I would hate that and would only want to be with someone if they felt the same way.
Yes, exactly this. It got to a point where she was dictating my mood, if we were talking/flirting i would be happy but when she would ignore me I would go into a somber state. And no, I don't cut out every girl that doesn't like me, I just cut back on talking/flirting, this is the only girl I shut out completely.
SeaOfMadness
Member
If you read my story, I was in a similar situation. I also worked with my crush and couldn't avoid her if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I did everything I could think of to "accidentally" be where she was. It was pathetic. In her case, she really didn't have any idea how strongly I felt about her or what she was doing to me. I was just her friend. The fact that she was dating other guys while I knew her should have clued me in, but I was very naive to say the least.
Sounds like in your case, there were games being played and that sucks. But in the end, you want to be with someone who wants to be with you and feels the same as you do. The only way to know that is to give them a chance to prove that to you. And that requires distance and indifference in these situations.
If I had stopped trying to always be with her and been less "interested", I would have really gotten the hint since I doubt she would have done the same for me. I would have realized she just wasn't that interested beyond having someone to hang out with on occasion. But I kept thinking "there was still a chance". What a waste.
Thought I'd update with "thirst". Because some people are determined to lay down in advance. (and also to keep it light-hearted)
www.complex.com/tech/2012/09/100-thirstiest-comments-on-instagram/
www.complex.com/tech/2012/09/100-thirstiest-comments-on-instagram/
Anticitizen One
Banned
yea I used to have a real bad tendency to simp and it got me nowhere. I just don't understand what I have to do to get girls to be sexually attracted to me though.
I think the issue is girls are into Wolverine and I look and act too much like Cyclops.
I think the issue is girls are into Wolverine and I look and act too much like Cyclops.
Oh man these are so fucking terrible. Who says this kind of shit?
Parallax
best seen in the classic "Shadow of the Beast"
whats even worse is that people say this shit to women out loud in public like its going to work.
SeaOfMadness
Member
Some have it easier than others
The best thing is to be confident in yourself, but of course you have to take care of yourself too. There's someone out there for everyone, but you're going to increase your chances dramtically if you smell good, look fit, have a good job, are well-groomed, etc...
It all changed for me when I started working out. I put on 15 lbs of muscle and my self-confidence went way up. Had no problem getting dates after that.
I used to simp back when I was a teen, but eventually, upon seeing that it wasn't working, I decided that ass wasn't worth my self-respect.
Don't let that get you down. Cyclops got Emma and Jean. He was winning.
Also, what SeaofMadness said. Confidence is really important. It's what I struggle with myself (I have some real social anxiety).
Don't let that get you down. Cyclops got Emma and Jean. He was winning.
Also, what SeaofMadness said. Confidence is really important. It's what I struggle with myself (I have some real social anxiety).
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
These are blatantly trolling. I must admit I laughed to some of them.
airmangataosenai
Member
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Nothing simp about that. It's hilarious.
So much respect for you, wonderful story.
OpinionatedCyborg
Member
these are hilarious and awesome
Goddamn, got to use them all!
Thanks for the advice, I didn't know when she would return and since I didn't want to wait that long I ended up calling her. I explained that she could have told me that she was already with someone and before she could say something I went forward and told everything I felt for her.
She told me that he wasn't nothing to her, that it was just a friend with benefits, which was really disappointing to hear because she could have turned to me if she was feeling that needy. I guess I should have been more aggressive towards her.
I also asked if she thought we could have something together and after dodging that question with the fact that she takes a while to develop feelings for another person she said that she didn't want to say yes or no because she didn't want me to be down.
I still don't understand why she didn't just said no lol. I've been trying to avoid talking to her but it's kinda hard since I like talking to her. At least I can move on with my life.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Holy crap those girls don't give a fuck. Yummmm
Hm, I'm not sure I've ever done this. I'm very affectionate and express my emotions consistently and passionately (e.g. I tell my girlfriends I love them constantly). Does this count?
I have been "picked up" by most girls I've dated, rather than the other way around, and have thus far always been the one to break it off -- in other words, the power dynamic in my relationships has almost always favored me. If I'm reading this correctly, "simping" is less about expression of emotion or seeming "lovey dovey" and more about abdicating all power in a relationship so that the significant other will remain with you.
Is that approximately correct?
I have been "picked up" by most girls I've dated, rather than the other way around, and have thus far always been the one to break it off -- in other words, the power dynamic in my relationships has almost always favored me. If I'm reading this correctly, "simping" is less about expression of emotion or seeming "lovey dovey" and more about abdicating all power in a relationship so that the significant other will remain with you.
Is that approximately correct?
This is the hardest point for me to get past.
SeaOfMadness
Member
I interpret it as someone who is being used either knowingly or unknowingly by the target of their affections/feelings. It has the characteristics of a one-sided relationship where one side (the poor sap) is way more interested than the other side (who may or may not be aware that any of this is going on).
It usually starts with a mutual friendship, but grows into something more for one of the people involved. This isn't about dating. That's a different set of issues.
Of course, it could all be solved quickly by asking up front, "Hey I'm really starting to like you as more than a friend and I'd love to take you to dinner/movie/coffee/etc.." The response to this will answer a thousand questions. But no one ever does this because they don't want to jeopardize the friendship or they feel like it's not necessary because "I know she's totally into me to"
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