We're Here! We're Queer! The All-Purpose Gay Discussion Thread!

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shintoki said:
Glad I've haven't been the only one thinking that. Even though you put it about 20x more harshly and out of the blue then I would have :lol

Yeah.:lol They make a cute couple. Salva and Rewrite sitting on a tree, KISSING first comes love then comes marriage....

Harsh?? Meh, Im quite blunt about what I say and say it like it is.
 
KibblesBits said:
Here's a question open to all gay men who wish to answer:

Are you effeminate?

No.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?

No.

How hard has your life been?

I could complain about it but what's the point? Somewhere out there someone else has it harder. Oh wait, you mean in terms of being gay? Never really conflicted about it although I do wish more men are more open about the fact that they like other men. Unfortunately the gay 'stigma' prevents them from doing that.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?

Not really. I know what I like but I also don't set my standard so high that it's up in the pedestal. I have had a crush on different types of guys ranging from the muscly types to the normal types.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?

No.

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?

Turn what on/off? Being gay? I don't go out of my way flirting with someone if that's what you meant. Also, I never realized until very recently that guys (and girls) actually check me out. If a guy stare at me like he's really interested and I like the guy, then I will stare back. Otherwise, I'd pretend that I don't notice anything.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?

No hate. However, the reason I like men is because of the kind of traits one normally associated with men: toughness, masculinity, etc. If I want a feminine companion, I'd go for a girl. Plus, I dislike the fact that most people associate gay as being effeminate, flamboyant, and campy when that's not true at all. I just happen to be a guy who likes other guys.
 
Extremely effeminate men irritate me because it comes off as an affectation. If that's truly who you are, fine, but oftentimes I don't think that's the case. That's not to say that I think all homosexuals should walk around acting macho or whatever, but I do think they should refrain from using the phrase, "you go, girl!" and referring to everyone as "girlfriend." That's just obnoxious.
 
KibblesBits said:
Here's a question open to all gay men who wish to answer:

Are you effeminate? Hell no
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy? Nop
How hard has your life been?Not so hard i guess, except i lived my childhood with "people will kill me, i must hide" in the head !

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy? I feel i'll never find someone cause my tastes are too limited yes !

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?I'm trying to !!!!:lol

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?The ?

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?I don't hate them, they just frighten me !

Please, tell me more...
more...
 
Freestyler said:
What the? That's one of my favourite tracks on the album and it describes perfectly the kind of guy I hate - the kind who dresses gay, acts gay but is actually straight. I don't think guys should be allowed to tease us with that… :D

The problem, though, is that it comes off as just another whiny girl calling her ex-boyfriend "gay" with an obviously negative connotation. Moreover, by using the word "gay" in this context, she is perpetuating the stereotype of gay men as self-absorbent, self-serving, flamboyant fops and little else. I also think that the song just sounds awful. =X

julls said:
agreed. and she release some shitty song after 'i kissed a girl' called 'you're so gay' -

oh katy.

lyrics here

silly bitch.

Yes! There we go. <3

And the questionnaire:
Are you effeminate?
Well, I'm certainly not bursting with manliness in the conventional sense, but I don't bat my eyelashes profusely, giggling coyly as I cover my mouth with my hand dangling from my limp wrists, either. I guess the question focuses on stereotypes, and I suppose I don't really conform to one or the other.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
I'm gay, but I don't take any particular pleasure in "acting girly." I think there's a time and a place for it, and being goofy in general can be fun, but I wouldn't say that I like to act girly.

How hard has your life been?
Honestly, I've done pretty well so far. I only really came out this year, but neither my sexuality nor much else has caused me so much pain or stress that I would say that I have had a bad life or something.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
No, not at all. I think love isn't strictly about physical appearances, trite though it may sound. Plus, I'm too interested in intellectual/non-physical things that I don't think I could fall in love with some "super macho guy"--which I presume means someone inclined solely toward the physical. If only Mishima Yukio were still alive: then I could have both! <3

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
Virgin--for better or for worse.
And that will definitely be changing while I'm in Japan, so long as I have any say in the matter. I'll be surrounded by hot guys.
:lol


Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
I don't really know what you mean... My homosexuality? How it manifests itself outwardly in mannerisms and the like? I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but I certainly don't go around talking about "the rack on that bitch" or how I "so wanna bone that chick"; that just sounds piggish. Also, I don't have any interest in women. ;P

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
No hate here. On the other hand, I think some people go out of their respective ways to garner attention and show themselves to the world, which I just tend to find obnoxious.

Please, tell me more...

EDIT: Oh hai thanks, Finn.
Finn said:
Extremely effeminate men irritate me because it comes off as an affectation. If that's truly who you are, fine, but oftentimes I don't think that's the case. That's not to say that I think all homosexuals should walk around acting macho or whatever, but I do think they should refrain from using the phrase, "you go, girl!" and referring to everyone as "girlfriend." That's just obnoxious.

The exception I make is that I call my little brother "baby girl." We often use really cheesy pet names for each other. Love my brother. :lol
 
Finn said:
Extremely effeminate men irritate me because it comes off as an affectation. If that's truly who you are, fine, but oftentimes I don't think that's the case. That's not to say that I think all homosexuals should walk around acting macho or whatever, but I do think they should refrain from using the phrase, "you go, girl!" and referring to everyone as "girlfriend." That's just obnoxious.
That's pretty much it...that and when he wanted to go see "17 Again" because "Zach Effron is sooo cute!" but you wanted to see something else but the only other movie playing at the time was Crank 2 and he's all like "oh my gawd the clip on his tongue makes me dizzy!"...


There was no second date. Turned me off of effeminate guys and Zach Effron altogether.
 
KibblesBits said:
Here's a question open to all gay men who wish to answer:
Are you effeminate?
Not really.
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
No, and technically not a gay guy :D
How hard has your life been?
Not hard at all
Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
No, I feel like I'll never find someone to love for very different reasons.
Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
Used to when I was young and fit! Not so much now. :lol
Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
Umm... what?
Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
I think it is important for me to diffferentiate effeminate from campy. I have no problem with effeminate men, some men are just naturally like that. What bothers me is over the top campy men, who just perpetuate clichés.
 
Are you effeminate?
No. And its not something I am personally into either.
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
Maybe just to be funny?.
How hard has your life been?
Being gay? Nothing compared to many, hell my mother is a lesbian so its not even as if coming out was something to be scared of (though to be honest it was still surprisingly stressful, I cannot imagine how some handle it).
Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
No
Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
:lol
Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
I guess this means how I act? I do not change the way I act depending on audience. (At least I don't think I do, if so its not consciously). Never felt the need to since its not like the way I act fits the sterotype.
Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
No hate, its sometimes annoying that its the stereotype though. Many people think thats what gay is, and only that.
Please, tell me more...
 
KibblesBits said:
Are you effeminate?
To a certain extent, sure why not. I have some more feminine qualities. But no one has ever had a problem with them outside of the, You're really wearing that? Whatever let's rock :lol
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
Not really
How hard has your life been?
Pretty easy, I keep to myself and I get sick pretty easily. So I never had the energy nor patience to really care :lol
Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
Not really, I'm a bit more passive I should say also :lol

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
I have a certain witt about me when I choose to use it that really seems to garner allot of attention. But most of the time...nope

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE!
FORM OF "?"
FORM OF "!"
?!


Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
I see it no different as disliking someone who acts like a thug, or jock. There are certain cliche people fall into that generalize their personality. You're supposed to give everyone a chance...but sometimes if they implore a stereotype which your not to fond off. It's hard to like them.
Myself, I'm kinda neutral to them, No extreme dislikes but I don't really care to hang around them either.

I decided to answer this one
 
Are you effeminate?
No

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
No, I enjoy being gay and straight-acting.

How hard has your life been?
Ups and downs. The pond I have to choose from for possible relationship opportunities really blows.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
Yes and no. I think I'll never find someone to love because I despise flamboyant, super-twinky gay men.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
I've had a lot of sex, but that was before I considered relationships were more important. I have a very... long sexual history, to say the least.

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
What is this question actually asking?

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
Obnoxiousness, and portrays gay men in the wrong light.
 
Oh and if any of you other GayGAFers besides me enjoy really romantic, well-done gay films, check out Shelter. It's just amazing. Hot, HOT actors who are straight-acting, and a well-defined, multi-layered and real romantic tale.

Did I mention hot, HOT actors?? It won a ton of awards, too, and is considered as a landmark in gay cinema.
 
Are you effeminate?
No. I'm all man in case you heard otherwise.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
Gay, yes. Girly, no. Gay, yes.

How hard has your life been?
Not overwhelmingly difficult in terms of my sexuality. No one knows that I'm gay unless I had already told them. The only difficult part is the fact that I'm still in love with someone who used to be my best friend. Things went down hill because I couldn't control my damn angst and I did some regrettable things.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
Sure, the muscular guys are attractive, but I don't really like that too much. To be honest, I find normal guys attractive, so my answer would be no.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
LOL no

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
wut I'm no automaton, baby. I'm all man.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
I don't hate them, but I'm not attracted to them. I prefer masculinity. If I wanted to date someone who acted like a girl, I would do so with someone skilled at it (i.e. an actual female)
 
Are you effeminate?
Nope. People don't usually guess.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
Prefer to act like myself. Yup, I'm gay.

How hard has your life been?
Pretty easy, as far as the gay part goes. Stayed closeted through grade school and high school (both Catholic schools), came out in college, settled into a boring home life pretty soon afterward.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
Moot. I'm happily taken, 13 yrs.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
Not sure about the "hot shit" part, but I do get laid all the time. :D

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
By "it," do you mean flamboyance? Or do you men gayness?
The gay is always on!

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
No hate here. But if I were suddenly single again (god, I'd be lost), this would not be where my tastes are directed.
 
Are you effeminate?
Yes i am. effeminate voice, effeminate manner and effeminate build.

Effeminate pride for ever! fuck the haters

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
um.......... i'm sorta like Niles from Frasier i guess.

How hard has your life been?
not that hard. I've found straight guys tend to like me. I'm non threatening and kinda funny.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
I'm not holding out any hope.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
not at all

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
It's usually turned off.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
you want the truth? its homophobia for homos. Gay guys hate effeminate men because they blame us for all the slurs they have to put up with.

Kinda pathetic if you ask me. they'll bitch about homophobia without the slightest notion that they're committing the same bigotry towards members of the gay community.
 
Are you effeminate?

Not really, no, but I'm hardly masculine, either.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?

In my mannerisms, no, I basically act like a regular person. I spend an inordinate amount of time playing with my hair and thinking about shoes, though. ;)

How hard has your life been?

It's been frustrating and disappointing, but not because of my sexuality.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?

I don't really agree that "most" gay men want that -- a portion, of course, but I'd wager plenty are just looking for a Regular Guy&#8482; to connect with on a physical and emotional level. Nonetheless, I would be surprised if I ever end up allowing myself to fall in love with someone and be in an actual relationship. Change does not come easy to me.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?

Good Lord, no. I'm a 30+ year old virgin.

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?

Like everyone else, I'm not really sure what you mean. Being gay? That's always on. I'm constantly looking and longing, but never acting on it.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?

I know some gay men that are like this and I don't hate them, they're actually very nice people, but the behavior itself is quite irritating, and it would be on a girl or a straight guy. I don't take any issue with the fact that it may be (or, some cases, may not be) a part of you, so long as they can grasp that it's loud, catty, grating and obnoxious. I'm not fond of an exaggerated, self-aggrandizing personality on anyone.

As far as likes/dislikes in a general sense, I enjoy some mild femininity in a guy, soft, cute features, and a light, silly way about them, without being full-on girly. Big, muscled-up beefcakes don't do anything for me because I find them to be harsh and intimidating.
 
ZephyrFate said:
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
No, I enjoy being gay and straight-acting.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
Obnoxiousness, and portrays gay men in the wrong light.
Anybody using self-loathing terms like "straight-acting" shouldn't be talking about what "portrays gay men in the wrong light."

I'm not effeminate, but I'm all for people being who they are, and gays defining themselves by "not being like those gays" sucks.
 
I, too, think that the label of "straight-acting" is counterproductive: the term implies that being heterosexual or acting as such is more desirable than being homosexual, turning "straight-acting" into some sort of self-deprecating ideal for which we all must strive. Despite being of a non-heterosexual orientation, standing out from the norm in any way--particularly in regard to our sexuality--is considered ignoble to some extent.

On the other hand, I do see where people are coming from in their usage of the word. While I identify as homosexual, and although homosexuality is a part of my identity, I do not define myself by my sexual orientation. In other words, I do not want to be known as "so-and-so's gay friend"; I want to be "so-and-so's friend" or what have you. Like it or not, there remains a stigma about being gay in many people's minds, and revealing one's homosexuality to another person often resurrects a number of stereotypical characteristics and rumored qualities that the other person will unconsciously associate with the speaker, regardless of whether or not they may actually apply. Regrettable though it may be, it seems that in publicizing one's homosexuality in any way, one loses control over how he is perceived by the outside.

I simply abstain from using the term "straight-acting" and leave it at that. I do not take strong offense when someone uses it, nor do I feel any attachment to "straight-acting" men. I just like who I like.
 
Dear GayGaf, I admit my knowledge of the gay world is really limited so please excuse my ignorance in the following questions, I've just always wondered.

What do you guys think of women? Do you just have absolutely no interest in pussy what so ever? (I've spent about 5 minutes trying to rephrase this question to not sound so stupid, to no avail)
I can say a guy's a good looking guy. But when I notice it, it's in a self-conscious "he's better looking or better built, I'm a bit envious" kind of way. I don't get a "I need him in me/vice versa" feeling. Is that sort of how you guys feel toward attractive women?

Dumb question, I know.
 
Since we are doing questions:

Do you like wrestling?
Edit:Everything i know about the gay community is thanks to GayGAF. Love you guys

And Orioto... so what do i have to do to get that Fatal Fury HD art done? :D
 
Patriots7 said:
Dear GayGaf, I admit my knowledge of the gay world is really limited so please excuse my ignorance in the following questions, I've just always wondered.

What do you guys think of women? Do you just have absolutely no interest in pussy what so ever? (I've spent about 5 minutes trying to rephrase this question to not sound so stupid, to no avail)
I can say a guy's a good looking guy. But when I notice it, it's in a self-conscious "he's better looking or better built, I'm a bit envious" kind of way. I don't get a "I need him in me/vice versa" feeling. Is that sort of how you guys feel toward attractive women?

Dumb question, I know.

You need not feel bad: questioning is how we learn. ;) I hope this thread can help bridge the gap between Gay-ming Age and the rest of GAF.

I have, as you put it, "absolutely no interest in pussy whatsoever." There are people of less discerning sexualities, if you will, who maintain at least some interest in people of other genders. I suppose I have an "appreciation" of attractive women, in that I can acknowledge a woman's beauty and be impressed from what I presume to be an aesthetic perspective, but I have no sexual attraction to the woman in question. Moreover, because I am not competing with these women for the affection of homosexual men, there is no secondary reaction of self-consciousness, either.

Hope that helps!
 
Patriots7 said:
Dear GayGaf, I admit my knowledge of the gay world is really limited so please excuse my ignorance in the following questions, I've just always wondered.

What do you guys think of women? Do you just have absolutely no interest in pussy what so ever? (I've spent about 5 minutes trying to rephrase this question to not sound so stupid, to no avail)
I can say a guy's a good looking guy. But when I notice it, it's in a self-conscious "he's better looking or better built, I'm a bit envious" kind of way. I don't get a "I need him in me/vice versa" feeling. Is that sort of how you guys feel toward attractive women?

Dumb question, I know.
Not dumb at all. Pussy is just disgusting imo.

Also, I can acknowledge that a woman is "attractive" or fits the mold of "beauty", but I'll probably still have no desire to plow her.
 
Patriots7 said:
Dear GayGaf, I admit my knowledge of the gay world is really limited so please excuse my ignorance in the following questions, I've just always wondered.

What do you guys think of women? Do you just have absolutely no interest in pussy what so ever? (I've spent about 5 minutes trying to rephrase this question to not sound so stupid, to no avail)
I can say a guy's a good looking guy. But when I notice it, it's in a self-conscious "he's better looking or better built, I'm a bit envious" kind of way. I don't get a "I need him in me/vice versa" feeling. Is that sort of how you guys feel toward attractive women?

Dumb question, I know.

I can find women attractive, even have a crush of sorts, like many men have man-crushes. Bat for Lashes singer Natasha Khan is very attractive to me, but it's not something I would act on. I'm not interested in sex with women, period.

Everyone's sexuality is different on many levels, I have a "straight" friend who identifies himself as such, but he is attracted to men sexually, just not romantically. It lead to some interesting times as a teenager, :lol, but obviously things would never work with him because he's looking for a relationship with a woman.
 
rex64 said:
I don't get all this effeminate/girly guy hate. :(

I like being girly whenever I can :)
I constantly have to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with gay guys being very effeminate, cause yes, I admit I can get annoyed by it on a weak moment. Same with very butch lesbians. I sometimes even think something along the lines of "Jesus, just act normal", but then I'm getting in the same territory of the bigots who hate gays in general, which would be very hypocritical of me.

It's always an initial reaction with complete strangers though, cause once I start talking with an effiminate gay or butch lesbian for more than 10 seconds all those prejudices disappear cause WHO THE FUCK CARES how you speak or what you look like if you're a nice person. It's just their initial appearance that triggers this bad reaction from me. I also often have to correct my straight girl friends who "don't see the point in having a very boy-like girlfriend as a lesbian. Why not just get a boyfriend!". Then I remind them that down south things are still very different + if their assumption was true they themselves should be attracted to the butch girl, which they never are, obviously. :)

I mean, I'm positive that I have some effeminate characteristics, and I am sure as hell not doing it on purpose. So again, if it's more about who you are than just an act, who are we to criticize people for it? It's too bad that even gays or lesbians (who are not the "norm" according to many people and society) can have a limited capacity of empathy for people who correspond even less with that norm.
 
BearGAF, represent!!! Crab Shaker has joined the party.

Gay pride parades are about FUN. We all know most masculine gay guys exist and are the hottest, but in reality, at this point in society, we are nothing without our femmie sisters. 40 years ago, it was the trannies and the queens that resisted cops then started doing line kicks, not the "straight acting" guys who were in line waiting to show their id to cops with no resistance. I would never fall in love with a tranny but my god do I respect those bitches.

In the same respect, the pride parades serves that purpose: If you so chose, you could take the most extreme forms of homosexuality and exist within an accepting community. They are the ones who had to fight for gay rights in general and are now the ones that let you throw a mixer where people are shocked to find out you're gay when someone tells them but aren't offended by it. Edit: SoulDriver hits it on the head.

Now, since the thread has clearly turned toward the depressing with that questionnaire that my eyes glaze over trying to read...

shintoki said:
Clean shave, or gruff?
-Face?
-Chest?
Type of body?
Style, Like em in suits? normal clothes? Grunge/Hipster? Preppy? Thug? nothing? etc
Equal partnership, or do you like to be in command/submissive?

Or to sum up all the questions...Bear or Twink? :lol

I am a bear. But in the same original idea of being a bear, I try my best to not discriminate against anyone for their looks. If you're handsome, you're fucking handsome and I want you, GRRRR.

But probably the hottest thing ever to me would be a big musclebear. Love suits, but normal clothes are fine. Not into any of the other subcultures, though as I said wouldn't discriminate if they were hot but were thuggish. Equal partnership.

In that context, I've recently started dating a nice little chaser boy :). Here's a pic, let me know if you think he's cute or not. At NYC Pride this past weekend:
2qitwk6.jpg

If you can't tell by my description, I'm the hairy latino guy on the right.
 
PhoenixDark said:
What's the interracial dating scene like in the gay community? I don't think I've ever seen an interracial gay couple (irl)


Damn and to think about it, I haven't either. :lol
 
mckmas8808 said:
Damn and to think about it, I haven't either. :lol
I see gay interracial couples all the time. They're some of the best ones.

Masked Man said:
Aw, you two are cute together! :D Also, I'm not usually into the whole "bear" thing, but you're pretty cute yourself.
Thanks! We have very similar interests, and he's a crazy nerd too! Though in his own respect. Where I'm more technology he's more movies/books/100 gigs of mostly soundtrack music.

Also, this goes to Cosmic Bus as I really posted the photo for you and should have mentioned it. I met him online. We spoke for like, a week, pretty intensely. He actually lives about 2.5 hours away from me, but if things progress and the dates keep going as well as they have, then that might change eventually. I met him at one of the most beautiful places to fall in love lol -- Grand Central.
 
FoneBone said:
Anybody using self-loathing terms like "straight-acting" shouldn't be talking about what "portrays gay men in the wrong light."

I'm not effeminate, but I'm all for people being who they are, and gays defining themselves by "not being like those gays" sucks.
So much anger associated with language these days. Many people would call me straight acting. It's not out of self loathing, it's not an act I maintain to appear straight, I just act like a straight person in many situations. Worry about how you view yourself, not how others view themselves.

Patriots7 said:
Dear GayGaf, I admit my knowledge of the gay world is really limited so please excuse my ignorance in the following questions, I've just always wondered.

What do you guys think of women? Do you just have absolutely no interest in pussy what so ever? (I've spent about 5 minutes trying to rephrase this question to not sound so stupid, to no avail)
I can say a guy's a good looking guy. But when I notice it, it's in a self-conscious "he's better looking or better built, I'm a bit envious" kind of way. I don't get a "I need him in me/vice versa" feeling. Is that sort of how you guys feel toward attractive women?

Dumb question, I know.
Not dumb. I personally quite like the pussy, obviously, but the reactions of my gay friends ranges from mild disinterest, to outright fear and disgust. So I'd say each person is different. As for women as a whole, amongst macho gay men there can be a bit of misogyny, but on the whole they are pretty well accepted.

Fersis said:
Since we are doing questions:

Do you like wrestling?
Edit:Everything i know about the gay community is thanks to GayGAF. Love you guys

And Orioto... so what do i have to do to get that Fatal Fury HD art done? :D
Wrestling died after the Attitude Era. Spandex does not really interest me, but the charisma of the wrestlers from that period was immense. RIP wrestling, I barely knew you.
 
What do you guys consider as being effeminate?

If you sound like a girl then I'd say you're effeminate. I don't see how saying a guy is cute makes you girly or effeminate, as someone has mentioned in this thread. You like men. You're going to find men attractive, and you should be allowed to express that.

And do you guys think that watching shows, movies or listening to music geared towards women makes you gay?
 
I feel the need here to make a post to clarify my feelings on this whole femme/campy thing that seems to be bubbling. While I am most often attracted to very masculine men, I like feminine men, I have been attracted to a couple in the past, and will probably be attracted to others in the future. What I can't stand, is the air kissing, angel wings, catty, snide remarks, acting like a prima donna, and the general spitefulness that indicates a lack of self esteem. That stuff I hate. Mainly because there are quite often nice people hidden under all the bitching they do.
 
idahoblue said:
I just act like a straight person in many situations.
But that's my point; even creating this idea that "straight people" are supposed to act a certain way, and gay people another, is bullshit.
 
FoneBone said:
But that's my point; even creating this idea that "straight people" are supposed to act a certain way, and gay people another, is bullshit.
Indeed, but the point is that I am not choosing to act that way, nor am I saying it's better or worse, it is just my natural action in most situations. I don't think straight or gay people should act in certain ways, but while there is a perception that they do, if you notice that your actions align with one of those norms it can be a convenient label to avoid exposition.
 
idahoblue said:
Indeed, but the point is that I am not choosing to act that way, nor am I saying it's better or worse, it is just my natural action in most situations. I don't think straight or gay people should act in certain ways, but while there is a perception that they do, if you notice that your actions align with one of those norms it can be a convenient label to avoid exposition.
A convenient label, maybe, but also a very counterproductive one.
 
FoneBone said:
A convenient label, maybe, but also a very counterproductive one.
Perhaps, it depends on who you use it with, and the context they place on it. My standard answer for most of these things is "I act like me, I am me, I am attracted to who I'm attracted too". But those are not very useful descriptors for anyone beside myself. So I also use commonly understood terms to help others relate. I can see how the pigeon-holing can bother you, it used to drive me up the wall when I would identify as Bi, but now I think it can serve a purpose in the right context.
 
I'm so glad I got this conversation going.

And let's add more fuel to the fire.
PhoenixDark:

I've rarely seen a real interracial couple of interest amongst men. It's usually about sex, status or power and generally in that order. Generally speaking it's an oddity even in some metro areas where you would expect more dating between different types.

I've had so many of my alternate sexuality friends... most especially males, say things like, "I could never date a ____!" Or, "I've never been attracted to ____. I don't know why, and I don't really care."

Needless to say I don't associate with those types.
 
CurseoftheGods said:
My current BF has found Jesus and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I want to kill myself.
These are the big problems! While FoneBone and I have been rearranging the deck chairs, the Titanic sex life of CurseoftheGods has been cursed by God and has sunk.
 
Crab Shaker said:
I met him online. We spoke for like, a week, pretty intensely. He actually lives about 2.5 hours away from me, but if things progress and the dates keep going as well as they have, then that might change eventually.

Happy stories, this is what I like to hear. :) You two make a nice couple, Crab.

CurseoftheGods said:
My current BF has found Jesus and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I want to kill myself.

Heh, well good luck with that situation. Maybe he'll come to understand, like some of us, that the two can cohabitate.
 
FoneBone said:
Anybody using self-loathing terms like "straight-acting" shouldn't be talking about what "portrays gay men in the wrong light."

I'm not effeminate, but I'm all for people being who they are, and gays defining themselves by "not being like those gays" sucks.
I know, I'm just mired in self-loathing.

No, really, I mean that I act like all my other guy friends (most of whom are straight), and therefore I don't feel the need to act any different because I'm gay. How I act can be likened to that of a straight man, going by society's labeling.

I don't understand the need or urge to act incredibly effeminate if you're a guy.
 
I've never been a fan of the "straight-acting" label either, because it doesn't mean anything. How many heterosexual people are there in the world again? 5-6 billion? "I act like a straight person . . . you know, like those 5-6 billion straight people, who all behave in the same way." It's as nonsensical as "I'm very Asian-acting" or "I'm very human-acting". The only thing that's truly "straight acting" is being attracted to and/or having sex with a member of the opposite sex.

I know some people just use it as shorthand for a certain set of masculine characteristics (having a deep voice, taking an interest in sports, etc.) and don't mean anything by it, but I think people get annoyed because it gets used sometimes by insecure guys as a defense mechanism to separate themselves from their own sexuality, and they're really insistent on how they're not like other gay people. They also bring some value judgment into it - about how being "straight" is so much superior to being "gay" - and frankly, a lot of times they put on as much affectation in trying to fit the "straight acting" label as people do who are purposely trying to be effeminate and campy - like lots of use of the word "dude" and "brah" or something.

In response to the question on interracial couples, I've seen plenty of "real" interracial couples who are genuinely in love with one another as equal partners, etc. Sadly, even those couples sometimes get accused of having racial or ethnic fetishes instead of genuinely being attracted to their partner. But you know what? It's not so different from straight interracial couples. You hear plenty of comments about Caucasian men who are paired with Asian women, etc.

And I think there are many couples, gay and straight, interracial or not, who are in relationships that are about "sex, status or power and generally in that order". Not everyone is fortunate to be in a loving marriage of equals.
 
CurseoftheGods said:
My current BF has found Jesus and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I want to kill myself.
I honestly can't think of something that would be more catastrophic to a relationship and hopefully will amount to a momentary identity crisis.

Actually... now that I think about it my BF (is it still BF if you've been together for almost 9 years?) at point went through some weird phase where he wanted to become a monk with the same result as you described, however about 5 days of baby batter stored up killed that desire. Here's hoping that it works out as well for you.
 
The reason people use the term "straight-acting" is because it is a simple way of conveying something which other people will instantly understand.

You could probably make the exact same arguement for the term "effeminate". Who says that only women are supposed to possess those traits? etc etc
 
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