We're Here! We're Queer! The All-Purpose Gay Discussion Thread!

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jgwhiteus said:
I've never been a fan of the "straight-acting" label either, because it doesn't mean anything. How many heterosexual people are there in the world again? 5-6 billion? "I act like a straight person . . . you know, like those 5-6 billion straight people, who all behave in the same way." It's as nonsensical as "I'm very Asian-acting" or "I'm very human-acting". The only thing that's truly "straight acting" is being attracted to and/or having sex with a member of the opposite sex.
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I think that given that society at large is predominantly masculine heteronormative that often terms like "straight-acting" is just a way of saying for lack of a better word, non-aberrant. In my personal experience being cynical of why some gay men portray themselves as possessing effeminate qualities leads one to terms such as "straight-acting."
 
CurseoftheGods said:
My current BF has found Jesus and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I want to kill myself.
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how long has that been going on?

my boyfriend and i cant wait longer than 3 days to release some sexual tension. i would die if he all of a sudden didn't want to have sex anymore.
 
btkadams said:
how long has that been going on?

my boyfriend and i cant wait longer than 3 days to release some sexual tension. i would die if he all of a sudden didn't want to have sex anymore.
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So... your relationship is just about sex, then? :P
 
btkadams said:
lol i said id die, i wouldnt break up with him geez.

id just hate to have to resort to whacking off.
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I feel like if my boyfriend didn't want to have sex anymore I'd just resort to getting off through making out.

Of course, I guess I just get off easily when I'm with a guy. I pretty much only need to make out with him to get to the orgasm point.
 
jgwhiteus said:
I've never been a fan of the "straight-acting" label either, because it doesn't mean anything. How many heterosexual people are there in the world again? 5-6 billion? "I act like a straight person . . . you know, like those 5-6 billion straight people, who all behave in the same way." It's as nonsensical as "I'm very Asian-acting" or "I'm very human-acting". The only thing that's truly "straight acting" is being attracted to and/or having sex with a member of the opposite sex.

I know some people just use it as shorthand for a certain set of masculine characteristics (having a deep voice, taking an interest in sports, etc.) and don't mean anything by it, but I think people get annoyed because it gets used sometimes by insecure guys as a defense mechanism to separate themselves from their own sexuality, and they're really insistent on how they're not like other gay people. They also bring some value judgment into it - about how being "straight" is so much superior to being "gay" - and frankly, a lot of times they put on as much affectation in trying to fit the "straight acting" label as people do who are purposely trying to be effeminate and campy - like lots of use of the word "dude" and "brah" or something.
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Yeah, that's pretty much the core of it for me. That and the implication of a monolithic (and undesirable) "gay-acting."
 
ZephyrFate said:
I feel like if my boyfriend didn't want to have sex anymore I'd just resort to getting off through making out.

Of course, I guess I just get off easily when I'm with a guy. I pretty much only need to make out with him to get to the orgasm point.
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i can never really get to orgasm by making out. i sure get hard though!
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Happy stories, this is what I like to hear. :) You two make a nice couple, Crab.
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:)

CurseoftheGods said:
Crab Shaker is pretty cute, btw. Totally my type.
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Sorry to hear about your loss. Nice bear flag as avatar, rarity to see such around here.

btkadams said:
i can never really get to orgasm by making out. i sure get hard though!
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Really? I can....Though I'm not sure that's what I'd always want to do.
 
Crab Shaker said:
Really? I can....Though I'm not sure that's what I'd always want to do.
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wtf am i really that much of a freak? tell me someone else needs more than that haha.

so you guys are saying you can cum from just making out and no touch to your doodle?
 
FoneBone said:
Yeah, that's pretty much the core of it for me.
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For the record, I don't use the term to cover my insecurity or to impose some inferiority between the sexualities, or to even distance myself from other gays.

It's a colloquialism that helps to describe how I act. Basically, if you were to meet me and if you never knew I was gay beforehand you would not know at first sight nor, even, after several days/months/years of knowing me. I'd have to tell you, or someone else would, for you to find out that I'm gay. That's just how I am.
 
btkadams said:
wtf am i really that much of a freak? tell me someone else needs more than that haha.

so you guys are saying you can cum from just making out and no touch to your doodle?
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Oh no, I make out and touch my weiner. That's what I meant.
 
My previous post was " :lol " in response to CurseoftheGods' post. I thought it was a joke. :/

But since it's clearly not, I'm truly sorry for you CotG, because that much suck big time. For you and him.
 
ZephyrFate said:
For the record, I don't use the term to cover my insecurity or to impose some inferiority between the sexualities, or to even distance myself from other gays.
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When you're implying that effeminate gays "feel the need to act different because [they're] gay", and assert that they "portray gays in a bad light" and that "flamboyant twinks" keep you from dating, yeah, I'm dubious that you're not trying to distance yourself.

Look, I don't dispute that a shitload of gays exaggerate their effeminacy to fit in, but I can't see how you're not implying that gays deviating from "heterosexual" (ie masculine) behavior are setting "normal" gays (ie, you) back.
 
btkadams said:
how long has that been going on?

my boyfriend and i cant wait longer than 3 days to release some sexual tension. i would die if he all of a sudden didn't want to have sex anymore.
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We've been dating for three years, and he went Yusuf Islam on me last week. I really hope it's just a phase. I'm not giving up yet.
 
FoneBone said:
When you're implying that effeminate gays "feel the need to act different because [they're] gay", and assert that they "portray gays in a bad light" and that "flamboyant twinks" keep you from dating, yeah, I'm dubious that you're not trying to distance yourself.

Look, I don't dispute that a shitload of gays exaggerate their effeminacy to fit in, but I can't see how you're not implying that gays deviating from heterosexual behavior are setting "normal" gays (ie, you) back.
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I'm implying that there's no reason to be flamboyant and self-aggrandizing just because you can and I know far too many gays who do it 'just because', even if it annoys me and others I know. I meet nothing but effeminate gay men all the time and yeah, it's annoying because I don't want to date effeminate or flamboyant men because I do not identify myself that way. The only reason effeminate gays portray us 'in a bad light' is that the media consistently identifies gays with that particularly vocal minority and thus the rest of society puts us all under the same umbrella even if we don't act that way.

Anyways, opinions are like assholes etc. etc. Stop trying to change mine. I'm no different a gay than the rest of you, so stop making it seem like I'm committing fallacies or whatnot.
 
ZephyrFate said:
I meet nothing but effeminate gay men all the time
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I don't know what your situation is, but odds are that you're way off track with the sort of places where you're looking.

ZephyrFate said:
media consistently identifies gays with that particularly vocal minority and thus the rest of society puts us all under the same umbrella even if we don't act that way.
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Now this I don't dispute. Don't get me started on reality TV.
 
i watched milk again last night. my bf hadn't seen it. what a fantastic movie. great acting, great story, and so so sad. it would be heartbreaking enough if it wasn't a true story, the fact that it is really pushes it over the edge. if any of you haven't seen it i really recommend watching it.
 
I'm not way off track, that's just all there is in Eugene, Oregon. :lol

It's not like I'm really looking for a relationship right now, anyways. I'm pretty content with being single. :D
 
Of course, I could just be missing out on the closeted men around here. You'd think that by college you'd just come out already...

*shrugs*
 
Okay now I have a question.

There's this pair of twins that I've met and gotten to know well recently. My question is, how do you know when someone is into you? I'm still a total noob to all this, and it feels like I'm getting mixed signals...
 
Skittleguy said:
Okay now I have a question.

There's this pair of twins that I've met and gotten to know well recently. My question is, how do you know when someone is into you? I'm still a total noob to all this, and it feels like I'm getting mixed signals...
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1) Confront one twin. Tell him you're into him, etc. If he's gay, see 2. If not, see 3.

2) Go for it!

3) Claim you thought you were talking to the other twin--oops! Apologize profusely for the mix-up and start from 1 with the other twin.

Serious answer: I have no idea. =/
 
Are you effeminate?
Nope.
Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
Just sometimes, with close gay friends joking around.
How hard has your life been?
Not as difficult as I envisioned before I came out of the closet (seven years ago). My parents adopted a "don't tell us, don't care" attitude about the whole thing and saved me some trouble.
Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
Not for that reason, no.
Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
No :lol
Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
It's really up to the circumstances (partner, # of times with the guy etc.) Definitely versatile though.
Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
No hate whatsoever.
Please, tell me more...
 
Are you effeminate? Can be!

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy? Not girly, guess I have my moments, same as anyone - gay or straight.

How hard has your life been? Fine, no complaints... Ask me in 60 years when I'm old, queer and ALONE and haha might give you a different answer.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy? I think everyone has a fantasy of some sorts, straight or gay, but that's a fantasy - it's not real and people know it. Nah, I'm happily in a relationship.

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time? Hehe, I wish.

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time? Eh? Confused.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men? I don't hate them, but, they do bloody annoy me for some reason. I also get annoyed at those who are so obviously trying hard to be straight. Just looks daft!
 
Saint10118 said:
I think that given that society at large is predominantly masculine heteronormative that often terms like "straight-acting" is just a way of saying for lack of a better word, non-aberrant. In my personal experience being cynical of why some gay men portray themselves as possessing effeminate qualities leads one to terms such as "straight-acting."
Click to expand...

It could just be the circles I've gone in (despite being bi and having had several boyfriends, I don't have much experience in the wider gay community), but I don't think I've ever met a gay person I wouldn't describe as "straight acting." Is the stereotype bunk, or are my experiences just anomalous?
 
ZephyrFate said:
I'm implying that there's no reason to be flamboyant and self-aggrandizing just because you can and I know far too many gays who do it 'just because', even if it annoys me and others I know. I meet nothing but effeminate gay men all the time and yeah, it's annoying because I don't want to date effeminate or flamboyant men because I do not identify myself that way. The only reason effeminate gays portray us 'in a bad light' is that the media consistently identifies gays with that particularly vocal minority and thus the rest of society puts us all under the same umbrella even if we don't act that way.

Anyways, opinions are like assholes etc. etc. Stop trying to change mine. I'm no different a gay than the rest of you, so stop making it seem like I'm committing fallacies or whatnot.
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Excuse me why are you thrusting the burden of others' embarrassment (intolerance?) onto the shoulders of people acting harmless?
 
Amibguous Cad said:
It could just be the circles I've gone in (despite being bi and having had several boyfriends, I don't have much experience in the wider gay community), but I don't think I've ever met a gay person I wouldn't describe as "straight acting." Is the stereotype bunk, or are my experiences just anomalous?
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It's bad luck man. Masculine gay/bisexual men are quite abundant, the big problem is that the vast majority of them won't ever come out of the closet and will keep living straight lifes </3.
 
orioto said:
I can't tell that on the internet !!!
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:lol

mhmhm is getting hot in here...
*Takes shirt off*
Wut about now?
 
Straight Ally here, I'm a gal who grew up in a house full of doods, because of that I have a kinda wacky gender identity at times which makes me very supportive of people who who proudly show that gender and sexuality isn't binary but a lovely spectrum, and we do so much harm trying to enforce that binary on people who don't fit into either of the 2 "roles" "properly". I live in Vancouver, which is pretty LGBT friendly thankfully (I highly recommend visiting here) and I'm always learning new stuff about the community, it's great!. So I salute you!
 
orioto said:
I hope you're hotter than edge !
And pics or it didn't happen !
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Dude, you CANT be hotter than EDGE!!!
 
I'm not sure what to think when people tell me that they're surprised I'm gay because I act quite straight. I think I am the most campiest gay of them all.
 
I mean, my favourite movies include The Devil Wears Prada and Kinky Boots, my favourite musicians include Britney Spears, ABBA and Radiohead, and my favourite TV shows include Desperate Housewives.
 
Just want to say....Curseofthegods....WOOF!


oH YEAH

Are you effeminate?
Far from it.

Do you like to act girly and are a gay guy?
I'm not good at impersonating it.

How hard has your life been?
Great supportive family. Good work experiences. Not hard thankfully.

Do you feel like you'll never find someone to love because most gay men have some fantasy about a super macho guy?
I found my super macho guy 13 years ago come September. ;)

Do you feel like you're hot shit and get laid all the time?
He makes me feel that way, and hell yes.

Do you turn it off and on or is it active all the time?
Turn what on? Being gay? Nope, 24/7.

Why the hate for effeminate, flamboyant or campy men?
Don't think I'd date someone that was, but love being around them! When I first came out I had to get over an innate lack of comfort with really queeny guys. That was my internal homophobia talking. I lived and learned better.
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proposition said:
I mean, my favourite movies include The Devil Wears Prada and Kinky Boots, my favourite musicians include Britney Spears, ABBA and Radiohead, and my favourite TV shows include Desperate Housewives.
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I think it's understandable since the ammount of queer straight men keeps rising. Gaydar will no longer be useful in a couple of years. :|
 
Lelielle said:
Straight Ally here, I'm a gal who grew up in a house full of doods, because of that I have a kinda wacky gender identity at times which makes me very supportive of people who who proudly show that gender and sexuality isn't binary but a lovely spectrum, and we do so much harm trying to enforce that binary on people who don't fit into either of the 2 "roles" "properly". I live in Vancouver, which is pretty LGBT friendly thankfully (I highly recommend visiting here) and I'm always learning new stuff about the community, it's great!. So I salute you!
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Woo allies.

I saw a speaker at an anti-prop 8 rally say something like, "There are many straight politicians that I love, but none that I trust." Fuck that shit. We're not big enough to be exclusionary; the only way to win is to get a bunch of straight people on our side. Not to mention that it's pretty despicable to resort to essentialist politics. I dislike the notion that someone's opinions or support is invalid because of something immutable in their character.

Garcia said:
It's bad luck man. Masculine gay/bisexual men are quite abundant, the big problem is that the vast majority of them won't ever come out of the closet and will keep living straight lifes </3.
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Sounds about right. My boyfriends to date have been met online, and have been psuedo-closeted to closeted.
 
CurseoftheGods said:
My current BF has found Jesus and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I want to kill myself.
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CurseoftheGods
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(I only just noticed the irony)
 
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