Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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gaiages said:
It's a wedding, it's stressful in and of itself. Some may not think the cake is a big deal, but everything can be a big deal when you've got 20 million things going on at once :p
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See, when I have 20 million things going on at once (or 20 things for that matter) that's precisely when my brain goes into "fuck it, it ain't that important"-mode, so I can focus on getting the critical stuff right.

Miles Quaritch said:
Well we're still having dinner in about an hour when she's done with her mum, so while she's mad, she's not mad enough to pass up food. That means I'll get a talking to and a reminder that I promised every decision would be a joint one so she doesn't feel she's doing everything herself.

So yeah, a fucking talking to. This is what my life has become.
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You give such great dating/relationship advice here I was hoping yours was something of an ideal partnership.

Ray Wonder said:
Imagine someone getting mad at this text,

🤷 pick one it'll be fine because I know you'll pick a good one. 😍😍
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Damn. He's got a point.
 
efyu_lemonardo said:
You give such great dating/relationship advice here I was hoping yours was something of an ideal partnership.
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Maybe I've become cynical, but I don't know if there is such a thing as an ideal or perfect relationship. It takes work. And you have to keep choosing that person again on a daily basis, even on the ones you want to murder them.
 
Looking for some next step advice, fellow GAFers

I am currently going through a messy divorce, no details just got my heart stomped.

Anyway, I'm trying to do a lotta socializing and keep my mind occupied. Been talking to a girl who is friends with a mutual friend for a bit. We've met once briefly, she commented later that I was very handsome, so I asked her to hang out this weekend and get to know each other better. She said that she would love to, so I responded that I was free tonight and Sunday night.

I haven't got a response yet, do I just wait and not seem overly needy or aggressive, or do I just hit her up and ask if we are doing something tonight?

I have been in the same relationship for about 6 years now, so this whole thing is new to me again.
 
Solo said:
Maybe I've become cynical, but I don't know if there is such a thing as an ideal or perfect relationship. It takes work. And you have to keep choosing that person again on a daily basis, even on the ones you want to murder them.
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What is the origin of your tag? Always wanted to know.
 
KyroLen said:
Looking for some next step advice, fellow GAFers

I am currently going through a messy divorce, no details just got my heart stomped.

Anyway, I'm trying to do a lotta socializing and keep my mind occupied. Been talking to a girl who is friends with a mutual friend for a bit. We've met once briefly, she commented later that I was very handsome, so I asked her to hang out this weekend and get to know each other better. She said that she would love to, so I responded that I was free tonight and Sunday night.

I haven't got a response yet, do I just wait and not seem overly needy or aggressive, or do I just hit her up and ask if we are doing something tonight?

I have been in the same relationship for about 6 years now, so this whole thing is new to me again.
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When asking a girl out, be specific. "How about we get dinner, Friday night?" If they're not free, they'll tell you when they are.
 
KyroLen said:
Looking for some next step advice, fellow GAFers

I am currently going through a messy divorce, no details just got my heart stomped.

Anyway, I'm trying to do a lotta socializing and keep my mind occupied. Been talking to a girl who is friends with a mutual friend for a bit. We've met once briefly, she commented later that I was very handsome, so I asked her to hang out this weekend and get to know each other better. She said that she would love to, so I responded that I was free tonight and Sunday night.

I haven't got a response yet, do I just wait and not seem overly needy or aggressive, or do I just hit her up and ask if we are doing something tonight?

I have been in the same relationship for about 6 years now, so this whole thing is new to me again.
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I mean, ball's in her court now. If she wants to go out with you, you'll get a response. If she doesn't respond, then you have an answer and it's time to move on.

Also how long ago was this most recent text, even? Give it a little time, at least.
 
It was a couple days ago, so not long I know.

And yeah it was pretty vague, said something like Friday or Sunday or whenever.

Again, this is all new to me again, so I def suck at this right now.
 
ameratsu said:
Alright I'm gonna come up with some fluffy inane ways of describing my job. Thanks everyone.
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I'm not entirely sure you understand. Do and inane aren't what we're saying. Interesting is what you want.

Miles Quaritch said:
You sonofabitch.

You've been following this the entire time just waiting to bring up emojis? Fucking emojis.
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🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣
 
ZackieChan said:
I'm not entirely sure you understand. Do and inane aren't what we're saying. Interesting is what you want.



🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣
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Yeah the way he took that is almost condenscending of him. It gives me the vibe of "well if they can't understand the INTRICACIES of my job I must make my explanation understandable by a 5 year old", and that is no bueno.

It can be hard to sometimes spin your job in an interesting light though
 
gaiages said:
Yeah the way he took that is almost condenscending of him. It gives me the vibe of "well if they can't understand the INTRICACIES of my job I must make my explanation understandable by a 5 year old", and that is no bueno.

It can be hard to sometimes spin your job in an interesting light though
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Easier to do what I do, and just refuse to talk about work for a while. Granted, I try to pitch myself as the anti-DC crowd, but it always works.

"No. I want to know about you, not where you work."

Speaking of, I had to tell hot lawyer that I had a brunch date tomorrow (with the girl I'm seeing). So much easier being 100% honest and eschewing games. And if my relationship crashes and burns, I'll keep my hands busy with a Nintendo Switch.
 
All my co-workers called me a cold-hearted motherfucker today.

One guy was asking for advice from everyone on whether he should ask his friend out on a date. Right now they're just friends, but I guess he likes her.

I told him "fuck no, if you value the friendship, you wouldn't waste your time. If she doesn't like you, you also end up losing a friend."

Everybody said I was so cold-hearted.

Keep in mind all of my co-workers are Chinese that grew up exclusively in China. I think China has a very unhealthy mind set on relationships. Or is my thinking "too western" for them?

You see, back in my mind, I'm thinking this guy only became friends with the girl because he likes her, but too much of a pussy to ask her out. I could be wrong, but I can't shake the feeling.

Am I a cold-hearted motherfucker, or am I right on the money with my advice?
 
Cow Mengde said:
Am I a cold-hearted motherfucker, or am I right on the money with my advice?
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Everyone likes the idea of romance, but in reality there's a window between meeting someone and then deciding if they want to pursue you as a friend or as a significant other, and he probably didn't make a move in time and he's in the latter space.

It could work, but unless they're good friends and both are 100% honest I doubt it will. If he was being 100% honest he would've asked earlier though.
 
Cow Mengde said:
You see, back in my mind, I'm thinking this guy only became friends with the girl because he likes her, but too much of a pussy to ask her out. I could be wrong, but I can't shake the feeling.

Am I a cold-hearted motherfucker, or am I right on the money with my advice?
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If you're right, and he friended her because he's too much of a pussy to ask her out, he should certainly ask her out. He either gets a date or gets to move on.

If you're wrong and they are genuine friends, he should still ask her out. If things get too weird, the friendship wasn't that strong anyway. At least he won't have a "what if?"
 
I'm only guessing that he became friends with her to get in her pants. I could be wrong of course.

Dating culture is weird in that they do expect some fairy tale romance where the guy does a grand gesture to win the girl's heart. Asking a girl out requires as much effort as asking a girlfriend to marry them. Girls throw temper tantrums in the middle of the street because it makes her seem more childish and lovable.
 
Cow Mengde said:
I'm only guessing that he became friends with her to get in her pants. I could be wrong of course.

Dating culture is weird in that they do expect some fairy tale romance where the guy does a grand gesture to win the girl's heart. Asking a girl out requires as much effort as asking a girlfriend to marry them. Girls throw temper tantrums in the middle of the street because it makes her seem more childish and lovable.
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You are doing it wrong dude. They don't require romance. Just send her a message on tantan they says she's cute and ask her to take a wall in the park. It's more simple out here.
 
gaiages said:
Yeah the way he took that is almost condenscending of him. It gives me the vibe of "well if they can't understand the INTRICACIES of my job I must make my explanation understandable by a 5 year old", and that is no bueno.

It can be hard to sometimes spin your job in an interesting light though
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Certainly didn't mean it like that. I always thought about it as being clear and concise for fear of explaining it poorly. I need to try to instead use it as a jumping off point leading into a fun/spontaneous conversation about something tangentially related but more interesting. This would avoid too much unnecessary detail that serves no purpose.
 
efyu_lemonardo said:
You give such great dating/relationship advice here I was hoping yours was something of an ideal partnership.
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Relationships are a lot of work and they aren't perfect/ideal. There will be arguments, there will be disagreements, there will be moments where you can't stand to look at each other. Relationships are a shit load of work and it's a mutual effort.

Solo isn't far off, you have to wake up every day and say this is the person I want to be with and the other person has to do the same too. It's easy for that feeling to be chipped away at until you don't feel anything, hate the way they smell, look and breathe and just want out. So yeah, relationships are a lot of fucking work. Ideal relationships are only that on the surface. Start to pay more attention and you see cracks in even the most ;perfect' of relationships. Don't believe anyone who says they never argue. They argue, a lot, they just know how to get past those and move forward together.

That's really one of the most important aspect of a relationship. Knowing how to deal with the mundane shit of every day life together, how to deal with and accept someone's quirks and weird habits and then accepting yours. Can't always live in that euphoric 'honeymoon' phase where it's all regular sex, sunshine and happiness.

Ray Wonder said:
Imagine someone getting mad at this text,

🤷 pick one it'll be fine because I know you'll pick a good one. 😍😍
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Even if it this does make it better. Fuck emojis.

ZackieChan said:
🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣
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You too? How's growing out your hair coming?

Y'all pushing me to become a cunt with these emojis.
 
My best relationships where the ones where we could talk no matter what, even if we were angry at each other so there was never room for huge misunderstandings to develop. I can understand that part.

Not looking forward to hating my partner's guts but I guess it's inevitable if you stay together long enough.

Is there any part of the coupling process that isn't exhausting? Dating, living together, marriage, children.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Block her for fuck sake. Why don't you already have her blocked to stop shit like this from happening?

Oh, good luck with the date.
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Cos I'm a tool who goes against his own best instincts. I deleted her number and facebook soon after the breakup. After a few months she friend requested me again and I thought "what's the worst that could happen". In fairness we never really talked anyway until she started getting very friendly again recently. It's not a "fuck my life" situation. I'm pretty much over it, just something I found odd.
 
Regarding my earlier posts, for those that remember.

I ended up in the same position again, said something I shouldn't have, the response was not what was expected and now shit is way more complex than it was in the first place.

And I feel shit because I compromised my values, because I am weak, and what happened afterwards.
 
efyu_lemonardo said:
My best relationships where the ones where we could talk no matter what, even if we were angry at each other so there was never room for huge misunderstandings to develop. I can understand that part.

Not looking forward to hating my partner's guts but I guess it's inevitable if you stay together long enough.

Is there any part of the coupling process that isn't exhausting? Dating, living together, marriage, children.
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Not to become a clichéd cunt, but anything worth having in life takes effort. You can't walk into a perfect relationship nor will you enter a relationship that never has it low points. There will be moments of stress that wear you down, but how you handle them is entirely up to you and how much you value the relationship.

Wedding planning is probably easy for some, I just don't like all the bullshit that comes attached. Cunts literally licking their lips over how much they intend to gouge us when they find out we're getting married, all the stupid shit that makes no sense to me like having a hundred fucking invitation templates and then there's shit like cake tasting and seating arrangements.

I'm pretty straight talking for the most part, so when I have to sit and listen to shit about people not getting on with each other and having to make sure they aren't seated together, my mind immediately goes to fuck the cunts who don't get along, just invite the ones that do so we don't have to sit down and spend hours talking about where the fuck every miserable cunt coming for a free meal is going to sit. This isn't supposed to be about making sure they have a good day, fuck those cunts, but it's not that simple...

I need to stop talking about this wedding in here. I keep going off.

Booser said:
Cos I'm a tool who goes against his own best instincts. I deleted her number and facebook soon after the breakup. After a few months she friend requested me again and I thought "what's the worst that could happen". In fairness we never really talked anyway until she started getting very friendly again recently. It's not a "fuck my life" situation. I'm pretty much over it, just something I found odd.
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She's feeling lonely and probably remembering how well you treated her in comparison to how she's being treated now (assuming you weren't a cunt). You should block her, don't be weak willed or come up with stupid excuses.

You need to block her to bring about finality with the relationship and leave it in the past. You're moving on, there's no need for connections to the past.

amanset said:
Regarding my earlier posts, for those that remember.

I ended up in the same position again, said something I shouldn't have, the response was not what was expected and now shit is way more complex than it was in the first place.

And I feel shit because I compromised my values, because I am weak, and what happened afterwards.
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Quality vague posting bro.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Quality vague posting bro.
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Because I am a bit ashamed.

Short form: I'm now the other guy, something I never wanted to be.

And we are yet to talk about it, so I don't know if I'm an accidental other guy or a "there's something there" other guy. Both of which are bad for different reasons.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Not to become a clichéd cunt, but anything worth having in life takes effort. You can't walk into a perfect relationship nor will you enter a relationship that never has it low points. There will be moments of stress that wear you down, but how you handle them is entirely up to you and how much you value the relationship.

Wedding planning is probably easy for some, I just don't like all the bullshit that comes attached. Cunts literally licking their lips over how much they intend to gouge us when they find out we're getting married, all the stupid shit that makes no sense to me like having a hundred fucking invitation templates and then there's shit like cake tasting and seating arrangements.

I'm pretty straight talking for the most part, so when I have to sit and listen to shit about people not getting on with each other and having to make sure they aren't seated together, my mind immediately goes to fuck the cunts who don't get along, just invite the ones that do so we don't have to sit down and spend hours talking about where the fuck every miserable cunt coming for a free meal is going to sit. This isn't supposed to be about making sure they have a good day, fuck those cunts, but it's not that simple...

I need to stop talking about this wedding in here. I keep going off.
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I can't believe some people have the time, stamina and will to keep up these "friendships" with people that can't get along with other people. My GF has some of these kinds of friends too, I tell her wtf why are you even having out with people that cause drama. And she's like "well they're my friends". I would never take that shit. Then again there's way less drama among guys so I guess I have it easier, but thank fuck none of my friend circles are like that.

Like last midsummer she was supposed to hang out with a friend, but then that friend invited another mutual friend. All good so far. Then my GFs other friends ask if they can join, but then the mutual friend won't come anymore because she doesn't like the other friends (she explained the reason but I could barely comprehend it, and even less why someone would keep a grudge for that 3+ years). It pains me to say "girls, eh?" because I hate generalizing among sexes, but honestly I have never heard of this kinds of things among guys.
 
amanset said:
Because I am a bit ashamed.

Short form: I'm now the other guy, something I never wanted to be.

And we are yet to talk about it, so I don't know if I'm an accidental other guy or a "there's something there" other guy. Both of which are bad for different reasons.
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Still being vague. I'm afraid to say anything more though due to lack of empathy.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
Still being vague. I'm afraid to say anything more though due to lack of empathy.
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I deserve that.

ETA:
Apologies to everyone for the previous discussion regarding empathy. I did read the replies but eventually backed out as, frankly, I had fucked up what I was trying to say. Somewhere, deep down, I had some kind of point, but it was presented in an incredibly bad way which insulted half the people in the thread, which was never my intention.

I seem to be fucking up a lot right now.
 
I've heard more than one so called "relationship coach/expert" claim that men and women are, on certain emotional levels, highly different, to the point it's not clear we're made for spending our lives together as a couple.

Some of it seems to ring true on occasion. There are indeed types of conflict I've never experienced with a member of the same sex that have come up with both partners as well as platonic friends of the opposite sex. As a man, men make more sense to me in general and the opposite must be true for women.
Nature is slightly cruel when it comes to gender differences. Sexual relations are a good example because even on a purely technical level we're so different.
 
That's a lot of sympathy baiting there.

Listen, either post what's wrong so we can offer some advice or don't post. I'm sure that's seen as me coming across as an asshole, but what the fuck else can anyone say?

You post as vaguely as possible and then you start trying to seek sympathy while still being just as vague.

And yes, you are fucking up. What are you going to do about it?

Jokab said:
I can't believe some people have the time, stamina and will to keep up these "friendships" with people that can't get along with other people. My GF has some of these kinds of friends too, I tell her wtf why are you even having out with people that cause drama. And she's like "well they're my friends". I would never take that shit. Then again there's way less drama among guys so I guess I have it easier, but thank fuck none of my friend circles are like that.

Like last midsummer she was supposed to hang out with a friend, but then that friend invited another mutual friend. All good so far. Then my GFs other friends ask if they can join, but then the mutual friend won't come anymore because she doesn't like the other friends (she explained the reason but I could barely comprehend it, and even less why someone would keep a grudge for that 3+ years). It pains me to say "girls, eh?" because I hate generalizing among sexes, but honestly I have never heard of this kinds of things among guys.
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Yeah, I'm not going to chalk it up to any one thing in particular. I've had male friends who held stupid grudges and I've had female friends who were just as straight forward as I usually am. It's not 100 per cent gender exclusive from what I've experienced, just comes down circumstances and how people deal with the drama in their lives.

I always advocate process and move on, there's no point to wallowing in shit but some people can't help themselves. They need drama. To validate their existence, to distract them from other shitty things in their lives or they just happen to be cunts who thrive on it.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
That's a lot of sympathy baiting there.

Listen, either post what's wrong so we can offer some advice or don't post. I'm sure that's seen as me coming across as an asshole, but what the fuck else can anyone say?

You post as vaguely as possible and then you start trying to seek sympathy while still being just as vague.

And yes, you are fucking up. What are you going to do about it?
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Vaguebooking, we call it
 
Miles Quaritch said:
That's a lot of sympathy baiting there.

Listen, either post what's wrong so we can offer some advice or don't post. I'm sure that's seen as me coming across as an asshole, but what the fuck else can anyone say?

You post as vaguely as possible and then you start trying to seek sympathy while still being just as vague.

And yes, you are fucking up. What are you going to do about it?



Yeah, I'm not going to chalk it up to any one thing in particular. I've had male friends who held stupid grudges and I've had female friends who were just as straight forward as I usually am. It's not 100 per cent gender exclusive from what I've experienced, just comes down circumstances and how people deal with the drama in their lives.

I always advocate process and move on, there's no point to wallowing in shit but some people can't help themselves. They need drama. To validate their existence, to distract them from other shitty things in their lives or they just happen to be cunts who thrive on it.
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Yep. While I've seen it most with women (and once even dropped a whole friend group from all their damn petty drama), the single worst person I've seen with grudges and drama and bullshit was my ex (who was male, to clarify to non regulars). 10 year long grudges over the dumbest stuff. Definitely not gender exclusive, though tbh I have mostly male friends now anyway, and it seems better :p
 
Getting over that girl would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't feel like absolute shit right now.

I can't get my mind off of her, and I feel too shit to preoccupy my time with anything else.

It doesn't help that when I tried to go to the doctors yesterday (to get tested for mono) I was thwarted by the snow.

Ughh.
 
Xun said:
Getting over that girl would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't feel like absolute shit right now.

I can't get my mind off of her, and I feel too shit to preoccupy my time with anything else.

It doesn't help that when I tried to go to the doctors yesterday I was thwarted by the snow.

Ughh.
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Exercise, eat and sleep well, fix up stuff around the house, work on a neglected skill. Anything that makes you feel better about yourself can help in this situation.
Meet with friends or family for starters.
 
I have a quick stupid question for anyone. If you ask someone out and they reply "I'm pretty tied up with college work till christmas".

Would you take that to be a rejection and mean they dont want to go out with you at all, or would you ask them out again after christmas.
 
Calabi said:
I have a quick stupid question for anyone. If you ask someone out and they reply "I'm pretty tied up with college work till christmas".

Would you take that to be a rejection and mean they dont want to go out with you at all, or would you ask them out again after christmas.
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LOL? Come on. It's not even subtle.

Move on man.
 
Calabi said:
I have a quick stupid question for anyone. If you ask someone out and they reply "I'm pretty tied up with college work till christmas".

Would you take that to be a rejection and mean they dont want to go out with you at all, or would you ask them out again after christmas.
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Dude Christmas is 11 months from now

Unless you meant she said that last year

But either way yeah that's a pretty blunt rejection
 
Guys..I just had a great first date with a wonderful girl and I just wanted share it. After a shitty 2016 and getting a stomach virus on the first of this year, stuff is finally turn around for me. The cynical side of me is telling me to keep expectations in check and I am but damn does it feel great to click with someone.
 
Calabi said:
I have a quick stupid question for anyone. If you ask someone out and they reply "I'm pretty tied up with college work till christmas".

Would you take that to be a rejection and mean they dont want to go out with you at all, or would you ask them out again after christmas.
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Christmas this year? That's a busy schedule.
move on, they would've asked you otherwise
 
Pretty sure things are over with the girl I'm seeing. Brunch date, movie at my place, bailed immediately after due to headache and apologized for being lame. No plans to see each other again. Oh well: it was only a month. Not exactly broken up over this turn of events. Things felt off, anyway.

I think I'm temporarily over dating, though. Best of luck, guys/gals. It's nice to see success stories in this thread, even if they devolve into wedding planning nightmares.
 
efyu_lemonardo said:
Exercise, eat and sleep well, fix up stuff around the house, work on a neglected skill. Anything that makes you feel better about yourself can help in this situation.
Meet with friends or family for starters.
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I've edited my post, but chances are what I have is mono considering she had it.

So plenty of sleep certainly shouldn't be a problem...
 
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