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[vern]

I'm not even trying to be a jerk to the local girls. I meet, and I do my best to have fun. While I didn't run into any bad dates, my encounters aren't very interesting. Oh and just to be shallow, so many Chinese girls are sticks. I like a little T&A on my girls. This isn't the only reason of course.

I tried tinder hoping to find more westernized girls. Not much luck there. Forget matches, I can't even find girls in the area. If they do show up, I get 1 or 2 profiles. I have set tinder to search in a much wider range; all the way to 100 miles which Hong Kong is within. I barely get matches on tinder. Though to be fair, maybe not everyone is interested in traveling 80 miles for a guy/girl.

I love fucking with you guys on WeChat back then cause the matches keep rolling in. Yet at the end of the day, those are nothing more than bragging numbers.



Yeah, I would, but everyone thinks I'm a cold hearted monster after I told him it was a bad idea. Like I said, Chinese people view relationships a little differently.

Can't find you in my wechat contacts but I'll send you the thick girls I've been seeing. I don't like rail thin either. Been seeing a couple dimes with big ol butts and tiny waists. They are out there. Just gotta put yourself out there too. Send me a wecaht

 

[Cow Mengde]

Can't find you in my wechat contacts but I'll send you the thick girls I've been seeing. I don't like rail thin either. Been seeing a couple dimes with big ol butts and tiny waists. They are out there. Just gotta put yourself out there too. Send me a wecaht

Nothing too crazy, Vern. I just mean that I like girls with some shapes on her body, too.

Also, I think part of the reason I can't find too many Westernized girls here is that they tend to go more for Western guys. Let's face it, these apps are looks first. They might see me, but they're not going to know I'm a more Westernized Chinese guy compared to the others.

 

[names2hard4you]

Nothing too crazy, Vern. I just mean that I like girls with some shapes on her body, too.

Also, I think part of the reason I can't find too many Westernized girls here is that they tend to go more for Western guys. Let's face it, these apps are looks first. They might see me, but they're not going to know I'm a more Westernized Chinese guy compared to the others.

That's what the bio is for right?

 

[Cow Mengde]

That's what the bio is for right?

Out of all the girls I've met, only 1 girl read my profile. I know because she started by talking to me in English. Seriously, you guys over estimate how many people read profiles.

Other girls accused me of faking it. Something like "Zhon B" or some shit like that.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Out of all the girls I've met, only 1 girl read my profile. I know because she started by talking to me in English. Seriously, you guys over estimate how many people read profiles.

Other girls accused me of faking it. Something like "Zhon B" or some shit like that.

Wouldnt you be able to show your a westerner within like 2 messages? Shouldn't that be pretty obvioua given you speech and like "hey I was raised here look at this pic of my hometown"?

I dunno. It feels like something that would be mighty easy to prove. (Not that this is an interview and you should have to prove anything)

 

[Cow Mengde]

Wouldnt you be able to show your a westerner within like 2 messages? Shouldn't that be pretty obvioua given you speech and like "hey I was raised here look at this pic of my hometown"?

I dunno. It feels like something that would be mighty easy to prove. (Not that this is an interview and you should have to prove anything)

I can prove it within 2 messages. Just that people don't read my profile. When I bring it up (because my Chinese is shitty) they're like, oh, you're not Chinese? Even though my profile clearly says I'm Chinese, just that I grew up else where. It's the first sentence. I probably end up attracting the wrong kind of girls because they don't read it.

 

[vern]

I can prove it within 2 messages. Just that people don't read my profile. When I bring it up (because my Chinese is shitty) they're like, oh, you're not Chinese? Even though my profile clearly says I'm Chinese, just that I grew up else where. It's the first sentence. I probably end up attracting the wrong kind of girls because they don't read it.

我是美国人。我不太会中文。我在找美丽的小姑娘帮我学习。也可以约会！

Use that.

 

[Xiao Hu]

我是美国人。我不太会中文。我在找美丽的小姑娘帮我学习。也可以约会！

Use that.

That's so adorable haha :3

 

[Cow Mengde]

我是美国人。我不太会中文。我在找美丽的小姑娘帮我学习。也可以约会！

Use that.

LMAO!

Be honest with me, are my standards too high?

1. I like someone I can talk to, and get along with very well. Someone I really click with.
2. Actually gets me.
3. Doesn't smoke.
4. Actually appreciates my sense of humor. Or at least groan if my joke falls flat.

 

[vern]

LMAO!

Be honest with me, are my standards too high?

1. I like someone I can talk to, and get along with very well. Someone I really click with.
2. Actually gets me.
3. Doesn't smoke.
4. Actually appreciates my sense of humor. Or at least groan if my joke falls flat.

No .. but it takes dating to actually find someone that matches. You already gave up. Date a bunch til you find one that clicks. Don't just say they all suck and give up.

 

[Cow Mengde]

No .. but it takes dating to actually find someone that matches. You already gave up. Date a bunch til you find one that clicks. Don't just say they all suck and give up.

Yeah you're right. It's so fucking exhausting sometimes.

I also can't believe this thread is revolving around me now. Here I thought I was just coming to see if my dating advice was right. Now it looks like I'm the guy that's lost.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

LMAO!

Be honest with me, are my standards too high?

1. I like someone I can talk to, and get along with very well. Someone I really click with.
2. Actually gets me.
3. Doesn't smoke.
4. Actually appreciates my sense of humor. Or at least groan if my joke falls flat.

You think you can find all of that out after 1 or 2 dates (besides smoking obviously)?

How many "people" have you met that just get you immediately?

 

[amanset]

You think you can find all of that out after 1 or 2 dates (besides smoking obviously)?

How many "people" have you met that just get you immediately?

Yeah, "actually gets me" can take a LONG time to kick in. Frankly that's why I've ended up falling for my friends (or at least in my peer group) way too often.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Yeah, "actually gets me" can take a LONG time to kick in. Frankly that's why I've ended up falling for my friends (or at least in my peer group) way too often.

You know, you're both right about that. I guess it's more of a "don't look at me like I'm from another planet" kind of thing, and not necessarily get me within a date or two.

What you just brought up, I think at least I see why my co-worker might have feeling for his friend.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Yeah, "actually gets me" can take a LONG time to kick in. Frankly that's why I've ended up falling for my friends (or at least in my peer group) way too often.

I dunno, there probably had to be some semblemce of attraction from the jump. If you arent attracted to someone, all the time in tbe world isn't gonna make you take that jump.

We all have friends who we would wanna try it out and see if it works but meh, I can't invest in a friend who has made zero investment in me. Just feels like wasted time vs all the people out there who actually want to click up.

You know, you're both right about that. I guess it's more of a "don't look at me like I'm from another planet" kind of thing, and not necessarily get me within a date or two.

What you just brought up, I think at least I see why my co-worker might have feeling for his friend.

I dunno, the first few dates are just getting to know each other. It's more than likely there wont be any real romantic connection in most of these dates. Shrug, that's just the game. Only need 1 W to change everything. No real reason to quit or feel discouraged. Just keep going and do entertainimg things in the mean time. Make yourself interesting.

I'm pretty much a believer in not mixing work and relationships. For personal friemdships as long as your cool with that shit ending then just ask for what you want. If you value the friendship a lot then sit down and shut up basically. Can't have your cake and eat it.

 

[gaiages]

Yep. Called it. My Breakup Barometer is flawless.

Anyway, I'm over this. I celebrated last night with a friend and her fiancé, and then another friend called, mentioned that his boyfriend proposed, and they joined us too. Glad my other friend and her husband didn't show up. Meanwhile, I'm exhausted from being defined by my (lack of) relationships. Really, please stop asking me. I don't want to talk about it.

The thought of telling the same stories and engaging in the same first date banter at the same places I've been to dozens of times -- no really, I walk around this city and half the places I see trigger an "Oh, that's where I went with her," with all the hers being different -- is maddening, draining, time consuming, and expensive.

I'm out. I've resolved to be happy for other people in my life, and I'm embracing third wheel status for the foreseeable future.

I'm unsubbing from this thread and the other one. Best of luck, guys/gals. Just listen to Miles, gaiages, Gotdatmoney, ZackieChan, vern, and the other regulars: their shit is on point.

Noooooo ;-;

Thanks, guys. Incidentally, the girl and I actually talked things through and we're continuing onward. I'd ordinarily post about this, but to be honest, I'm really wondering if storybooking my life when I don't actually need advice is inadvertently contributing to looking for problems to address when they don't actually exist. So I won't. I'm satisfied, and that's enough.

And I'll provide advice, but maybe less frequently.

Lesson: complaining on GAF always works, especially for rare drops in games.

Yaaaaay

 

[always crazy bacon]

Nothing too crazy, Vern. I just mean that I like girls with some shapes on her body, too.

Also, I think part of the reason I can't find too many Westernized girls here is that they tend to go more for Western guys. Let's face it, these apps are looks first. They might see me, but they're not going to know I'm a more Westernized Chinese guy compared to the others.

I assumed you were western, seems not. The local Chinese girls, they go for actual western guys and if your angle is "hey I'm just like a westerner becuse I lived abroad for X number of years" it's the same as when Hong Kongese or Singaporeans try to buddy up with be just because they are "like" totally English too really.

You come across to me, just based on these last few posts as an insecure try-hard with masked with arrogance becuse you are "different". I'm beginning to think your colleagues may be right about you even though you are painting them as the bad guys.

You're trying to use Tinder in China and wondering why your matches are so low? Damn! are you that unaware that you need Facebook for Tinder and it's blocked in China. Get on Momo or whatever the kids in China are using now.

 

[vern]

I assumed you were western, seems not. The local Chinese girls, they go for actual western guys and if your angle is "hey I'm just like a westerner becuse I lived abroad for X number of years" it's the same as when Hong Kongese or Singaporeans try to buddy up with be just because they are "like" totally English too really.

You come across to me, just based on these last few posts as an insecure try-hard with masked with arrogance becuse you are "different". I'm beginning to think your colleagues may be right about you even though you are painting them as the bad guys.

You're trying to use Tinder in China and wondering why your matches are so low? Damn! are you that unaware that you need Facebook for Tinder and it's blocked in China. Get on Momo or whatever the kids in China are using now.

He's in Guangzhou so he's near enough to Hong Kong plus there are lots of "western" types of Chinese girls on tinder in the big cities. Tinder isn't a bad thing to be using based on the kinds of girls he's after. But yea.. not Momo, Tantan is where it's at these days.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Hey man, I know it's disheartening to keep starting over and having your friends getting engaged/married, but don't give up. Have you thought about shaking things up with dates to keep things fresh?

Do you always default to coffee/dinner for the first date? Hit up museums instead, do walking tours (you're city based right?), look up stuff that doesn't cost a lot but keeps the conversation from going back to the same old shit. You'll have to talk about it eventually, but it doesn't have to be on the first date.

Everyone hits a rut, but that doesn't mean you give up and start to feel sorry for yourself. You're better than being a third fucking wheel and feeling happy for others, don't bring that garbage in here and don't internalise it either.

Dropping truth like always, Miles. Anyway, I admit it-- you're exactly right. And like I posted, my girl and I are working things through, so I don't need a first date reprieve quite yet. On the other hand, you're correct about doing something different for first (and subsequent) dates.

I elected not to live-blog my issues, but one of ours WAS the evolution of dates to Netflix and Chilling and how we needed to do what you're suggesting. So, thank you!

 

[Llyranor]

I'm beginning to think your colleagues may be right about you even though you are painting them as the bad guys.

The same colleagues who give off 'no means yes with a little convincing' rapey vibes?

 

[ZackieChan]

The same colleagues who gives off 'no means yes with a little convincing' rapey vibes?

The whole workplace is fucked

 

[Cow Mengde]

You come across to me, just based on these last few posts as an insecure try-hard with masked with arrogance becuse you are "different". I'm beginning to think your colleagues may be right about you even though you are painting them as the bad guys.

Where did that come from? I wasn't trying to be a jerk to my co-workers. I just told him how I felt since he asked for advice. I really don't understand their dating practices. I didn't demonize them. I made the post because I thought maybe I was too harsh. I actually ended up feeling more miserable to see the poor guy fail.

I kept my Chinese name and never had an English name. Hell, even my GAF account name is a play on Chinese words.

You're trying to use Tinder in China and wondering why your matches are so low? Damn! are you that unaware that you need Facebook for Tinder and it's blocked in China. Get on Momo or whatever the kids in China are using now.

I am aware of that. I turn on my VPN when I use Tinder.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

You come across to me, just based on these last few posts as an insecure try-hard with masked with arrogance becuse you are "different". I'm beginning to think your colleagues may be right about you even though you are painting them as the bad guys.

Naw, based on the story he was describing no fucking way are the co workers correct. He "could" very well be a dick but how you are tyimg those stories together to reach that conclusion is a massive reach bruh. Come on.

I mught agree with you on insecure (hey that's basically common place here) I dont know where arrogant or try hard comes from. He has actually been receptive to everything that hasbeem suggested.

 

[amanset]

I dunno, there probably had to be some semblemce of attraction from the jump. If you arent attracted to someone, all the time in tbe world isn't gonna make you take that jump.

We all have friends who we would wanna try it out and see if it works but meh, I can't invest in a friend who has made zero investment in me. Just feels like wasted time vs all the people out there who actually want to click up.

Oh yeah, totally. There needs the attraction there as well, but I have attractive friends that I don't fancy, mainly because of the other stuff.

In other news, I think I am about to go meet someone to go do the right thing.

 

[Cow Mengde]

I mught agree with you on insecure (hey that's basically common place here) .

Last relationship did end in disaster, so yes, I know I have my insecurities. A couple of years ago, I almost made a huge mistake. I came to Dating Gaf for advice. I eventually took the advice, and walked away pretty unscathed.

And for the record, I want to look for more Westernized girls because I do communicate better in English. I've only been to second grade in China. It's not a requirement per-say. It's not like you can go up to her and ask: "Hey, are you westernized?" My sense of humor, pop-culture, and a lot of stuff is American. That's all I know growing up. It's not a requirement, and I'm open to any possibility.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Last relationship did end in disaster, so yes, I know I have my insecurities. A couple of years ago, I almost made a huge mistake. I came to Dating Gaf for advice. I eventually took the advice, and walked away pretty unscathed.

And for the record, I want to look for more Westernized girls because I do communicate better in English. I've only been to second grade in China. It's not a requirement per-say. It's not like you can go up to her and ask: "Hey, are you westernized?" My sense of humor, pop-culture, and a lot of stuff is American. That's all I know growing up. It's not a requirement, and I'm open to any possibility.

Hey man I gotchu. I frankly dont think you said anyhing wrong. (Well maybe dont talk about how all the girls a toothpicks or w/e, yes that is openly shallow and it's fine to want that but like no one here really needs/wants to know) I don't know anything about China but I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to find someone more culturally similar to you. Just dont close doors as you said.

Otherwise yeah, take Vern's advice. He clearly knows his shit.

 

[always crazy bacon]

The same colleagues who give off 'no means yes with a little convincing' rapey vibes?

It's China and you only have nuibi's side of the story. Of course they are going to be influenced by the big gesture romantic things in popular culture.

 

[Salamando]

Kind of interesting story time? Okay, not that interesting...

Acquaintances with this girl, run into her at a NYE party. We play a boardgame of some kind, she mentions how my girlfriend is already perfect enough, obviously fishing for the status of me and the girl I showed up with (just a friend). She got drunk, told the entire party about how she touched her friend's ex's penis after they had broken up. Awkward as fuck. Girl's already in a relationship, is poly, and that's not something I'm interested in. Non-starter.

Saturday, I re-enable my OKC profile, she finds it. Asks if I had a girlfriend. Mentions its been awhile since she saw me. Apparently she was too drunk to remember NYE. Begins to talk at length about how suicidal work is making her. Literal, contemplating ending it suicide. For as few conversations we've had, that's quite the responsibility to give me. I direct her to help lines. Use dinner as excuse to end conversation, she talks at length about acid reflux and how hearing about me eating a late dinner was making her queasy. I don't respond.

Today - Recount this tale to my therapist. She has suicide training, I wanted suggestions on how to respond in the future. Based on some of the things the girl said, we agreed it was more likely she just wanted attention. Not ten feet out of my therapist's office I run into one of our mutual friends. It's unlikely she heard me complain about the girl for 30 minutes, but it was possible enough that I broke into a light sweat. Fuck her if she eavesdropped on my therapy.

 

[jessicar]

Kind of interesting story time? Okay, not that interesting...

Acquaintances with this girl, run into her at a NYE party. We play a boardgame of some kind, she mentions how my girlfriend is already perfect enough, obviously fishing for the status of me and the girl I showed up with (just a friend). She got drunk, told the entire party about how she touched her friend's ex's penis after they had broken up. Awkward as fuck. Girl's already in a relationship, is poly, and that's not something I'm interested in. Non-starter.

Saturday, I re-enable my OKC profile, she finds it. Asks if I had a girlfriend. Mentions its been awhile since she saw me. Apparently she was too drunk to remember NYE. Begins to talk at length about how suicidal work is making her. Literal, contemplating ending it suicide. For as few conversations we've had, that's quite the responsibility to give me. I direct her to help lines. Use dinner as excuse to end conversation, she talks at length about acid reflux and how hearing about me eating a late dinner was making her queasy. I don't respond.

Today - Recount this tale to my therapist. She has suicide training, I wanted suggestions on how to respond in the future. Based on some of the things the girl said, we agreed it was more likely she just wanted attention. Not ten feet out of my therapist's office I run into one of our mutual friends. It's unlikely she heard me complain about the girl for 30 minutes, but it was possible enough that I broke into a light sweat. Fuck her if she eavesdropped on my therapy.

Looks like this girl wanted you to be her therapist... What did you decide to do with her? Are you going to ignore her? I have a situation similar to this with a guy from work and it creeps me out.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Kind of interesting story time? Okay, not that interesting...

She doesn't sound like someone that's fun to be around and seems pretty desperate for companionship. I'd just ghost her if possible.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Kind of interesting story time? Okay, not that interesting...

Never speak to this girl again unless in person and cut it short if that ever happens.

Looks like this girl wanted you to be her therapist... What did you decide to do with her? Are you going to ignore her? I have a situation similar to this with a guy from work and it creeps me out.

Try to be strictly professional with dude. Avoid otherwise.

All yall "I wanna date my coworker, this is how you come across to the btw".

I need to establish boundaries so I don't become an emotional dumping ground, but I'm not sure how to do that without sounding like a dick. Our social circles have enough overlap that ignoring her isn't an option.

Ignoring is always an option. You dont need to engage if you do not wish to.

 

[Salamando]

Looks like this girl wanted you to be her therapist... What did you decide to do with her? Are you going to ignore her? I have a situation similar to this with a guy from work and it creeps me out.

I won't be dating her, that's for damn sure. I need to establish boundaries so I don't become an emotional dumping ground, but I'm not sure how to do that without sounding like a dick. Our social circles have enough overlap that ignoring her isn't an option. That doesn't mean I'm going to reach out to her and start conversations, though.

She doesn't sound like someone that's fun to be around and seems pretty desperate for companionship. I'd just ghost her if possible.

She already has a boyfriend, whom she lives with. She is Poly amorous, but I thought that meant you can have romantic love for multiple people, not that you need the attention of multiple people. That might just be ignorance on my part.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

it's very unlikely this other person heard you talking about her. Door was closed (I bloody well hope), so it's a non issue, don't fret about it.

As for the suicide risk/attention seeker. It's not your responsibility to be one she can dump all her bullshit onto. Tell her to seek professional help and block her. You don't need that kind of all consuming negativity in your life, it's just going to eat away at you.

Make it clear why you can't be the one she unloads her garbage onto. She needs to learn how to respect boundaries and not just lay that kind of crap on the someone she met three fucking weeks ago.

 

[jessicar]

Try to be strictly professional with dude. Avoid otherwise.

He is in my social group work-wise, I can't avoid him without coming across rude. With how he's spoke in the past, I feel if I ignored him/was rude, the situation would become a lot more drastic. Any other advice? How do you let a dude with depression and many other weird problems down?

I won't be dating her, that's for damn sure. I need to establish boundaries so I don't become an emotional dumping ground, but I'm not sure how to do that without sounding like a dick. Our social circles have enough overlap that ignoring her isn't an option. That doesn't mean I'm going to reach out to her and start conversations, though.

I hate being horrible to people, so we are in the same situation. I feel like if I confronted him that I don't want to talk to him, he would get over emotional - and if I flat out ignore him, he'll take it the wrong way and my friends will think I'm being rude. Have you spoken to her since you saw your therapist?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

He is in my social group work-wise, I can't avoid him without coming across rude. With how he's spoke in the past, I feel if I ignored him/was rude, the situation would become a lot more drastic. Any other advice? How do you let a dude with depression and many other weird problems down?

Is he openly hitting on you or? This is your work place and you have a right to comfort so if it is getting to a point where you are not feeling okay being there go to HR. If this is your work social group the others should have an idea of this behaviour correct? Perhaps see if this is common behaviour with him towards the other cowkrkers? I dunno. That's tough. It's easy as a guy to brush this off I suppose.

Mainly though do not let it go on if you arent comfortable.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I hate being horrible to people, so we are in the same situation. I feel like if I confronted him that I don't want to talk to him, he would get over emotional - and if I flat out ignore him, he'll take it the wrong way and my friends will think I'm being rude. Have you spoken to her since you saw your therapist?

Telling someone what their issues are and why you don't want to talk them any more isn't being horrible or mean. Sometimes you're left with no choice, not to mention telling someone what their issues are can serve as a much needed kick up the ass so they start to work on them.

 

[jessicar]

Is he openly hitting on you or? ...

He is inappropriate at work - there have been many instances that he will actually wait 2/3 hours till I finish my shift so that he can give me a lift. I have declined but he'll stay regardless, pretend he's doing overtime, etc. If I was to report him to HR, where would be the best place to find out if I would have confidentiality or not? I'm scared that if I reported him, he'd be investigated, then I'd probably have to tell my social group that I reported him. It's likely he would be fired, or suspended, I don't want this coming back on me.

I am aware he has done this before with another female colleague, she has since left anyway.

Telling someone what their issues are and why you don't want to talk them any more isn't being horrible or mean. Sometimes you're left with no choice, not to mention telling someone what their issues are can serve as a much needed kick up the ass so they start to work on them.

I understand that. I am usually able to confront people. However, he is not mentally stable to the degree of the average person. I'm worried because I live with just my sister and he is aware of where I live. I'm not saying he'd hurt me to that extreme, it's still something that I need to be cautious of. Someone who is talking regularly about killing themselves is definitely not in the right mind to be called out by someone he believes he's in some kind of twisted relationship with.

Is there any way I can detach myself politely from this 'friend'?

 

[Llyranor]

If you don't want to be confrontational, be unhelpful as a emotional dumping ground. Don't give any useful advice or acknowledge any specifics about their situation aside from telling them to see a therapist. (And helplines perhaps). "Well, that sucks. It sounds like you should talk to a therapist" "I see. Did you mention all that to your therapist?" "Based on what you just told me, a therapist would be able to give you some pretty useful advice" "I don't know what to say to that. I know a guy who went through something similar, and his therapist really helped him out" "Wow, that must be rough. I'd talk to a therapist if I were you" etc

So you can thus give mock-sympathy without being hostile, all while being useless in terms of what they want (attention). Them seeing a therapist is the best thing they could be doing, so just keep repeatedly pointing that out without any other insight.

Edit: do not accept his lifts ever. Setting barriers outside of work is extremely important, and your other coworkers will not fault you for that

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Go to HR. That's what they're there for.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

He is inappropriate at work - there have been many instances that he will actually wait 2/3 hours till I finish my shift so that he can give me a lift. I have declined but he'll stay regardless, pretend he's doing overtime, etc. If I was to report him to HR, where would be the best place to find out if I would have confidentiality or not? I'm scared that if I reported him, he'd be investigated, then I'd probably have to tell my social group that I reported him. It's likely he would be fired, or suspended, I don't want this coming back on me.

I am aware he has done this before with another female colleague, she has since left anyway.

Yeah you need to report that to HR immediately and ask you remain confidential. The reality is it is going to come back to you however because it seems like you are one of the only woman he interacts with at work. That said if your work social group are actually your friends they should already be aware of this behaviour. Not to sound cold here but if they do not understand your situation they are not really your friends. This is fucking stalkerish behaviour that should not be tolerated.

And please, for your own safety do not accept any rides from this pwrson going forward under any circumstamce.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I understand that. I am usually able to confront people. However, he is not mentally stable to the degree of the average person. I'm worried because I live with just my sister and he is aware of where I live. I'm not saying he'd hurt me to that extreme, it's still something that I need to be cautious of. Someone who is talking regularly about killing themselves is definitely not in the right mind to be called out by someone he believes he's in some kind of twisted relationship with.

Is there any way I can detach myself politely from this 'friend'?

If it's at the point where you're fearing for your safety, you need to consider calling the cops or taking out a restraining order. It sounds extreme, but you don't owe this person anything and your safety and the safety of your sister is paramount. If he's convinced himself you're both in a relationship, it's no longer time to treat him with kid gloves. He's a threat and that needs to be addressed immediately.

Alternatives are going to HR (as mentioned) if you feel it hasn't reached that point yet and letting a few key personnel in your office know that you're worried he might do something so they can keep a closer on you and him.

Other than that, establishing firm boundaries and not engaging with anything he says or does. If he doesn't get the message, it's yet more evidence for HR to either reprimand or fire him.

Keep the cops/restraining order in mind too.

 

[jessicar]

Yeah you need to report that to HR immediately....

If it's at the point where you're fearing for your safety, you need to consider calling the cops or taking out a restraining order...

I thought about a restraining order. I'm unsure about how it works in other countries, however, in the UK, you have to have evidence that can be presented to police/court that this particular person is harassing you in a threatening manor. I don't know how I would acquire this since majority of the harassment takes place during work. Would I have to rely on personal statements from other people - do you think?

I'm hesitant but I do need to think about mine and my sister's safety. I'll probably check out the confidentiality agreement within HR. Thanks for all your help though guys.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

How do you guys prevent yourself from getting too caught up or sucked into an emotional whirlwind during the honeymoon period of a new relationship? Me and the girl have amazing chemistry and we seem to be pretty gaga over each other, but we also both think we're moving way too fast and are trying to slow it down, even though that's really... hard.

We're both very overly analytical about every move we make, lol.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I thought about a restraining order. I'm unsure about how it works in other countries, however, in the UK, you have to have evidence that can be presented to police/court that this particular person is harassing you in a threatening manor. I don't know how I would acquire this since majority of the harassment takes place during work. Would I have to rely on personal statements from other people - do you think?

I'm hesitant but I do need to think about mine and my sister's safety. I'll probably check out the confidentiality agreement within HR. Thanks for all your help though guys.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/d...iscrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Hope that helps. If you have anyone at work who knows about his behaviour, you can ask them support your restraining order. You don't deserve to live with this stress and fear for any longer than you have to.

How do you guys prevent yourself from getting too caught up or sucked into an emotional whirlwind during the honeymoon period of a new relationship? Me and the girl have amazing chemistry and we seem to be pretty gaga over each other, but we also both think we're moving way too fast and are trying to slow it down, even though that's really... hard.

We're both very overly analytical about every move we make, lol.

By keeping in mind that I'm still getting to know the person and I shouldn't get too invested until I have a better idea of who they are and what they are like when things hit the first roadblock/you're doing boring shit like hanging out and watching a movie without having sex or random everyday shit.

 

[gaiages]

I thought about a restraining order. I'm unsure about how it works in other countries, however, in the UK, you have to have evidence that can be presented to police/court that this particular person is harassing you in a threatening manor. I don't know how I would acquire this since majority of the harassment takes place during work. Would I have to rely on personal statements from other people - do you think?

I'm hesitant but I do need to think about mine and my sister's safety. I'll probably check out the confidentiality agreement within HR. Thanks for all your help though guys.

Yeah you really need to do something, anything really. If you're legit fearing for your safety it's time to talk to HR. If they don't help or won't keep it confidential, there may be other avenues. I don't know much about the stuff in UK that's available, though.

HR could always phone up that other lady he was harassing too, if it helps.

And as Miles said, if you're ousted from your work friend group because you wouldn't let an emotionally unstable creepster harass you, those assholes weren't friends at all.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Jesus, there are days where I think I'm bad at dating and then I realize I'm never going to be as much of a creep as jessicar's creeper.

Don't be that guy.

 

[jessicar]

How do you guys prevent yourself from getting too caught up or sucked into an emotional whirlwind during the honeymoon period of a new relationship? .

You have to remind yourself that the honeymoon period does not always equal love, it's purely lust. It's not something to base your relationship on. I would say just step it down a notch. You don't need to constantly be together, nor do you need to constantly be talking/texting one another. I know it's easy to get caught up with being with someone a lot during the honeymoon period. Take a step back. Enjoy space and free time still, and your honeymoon period will last longer - and help love develop.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/d...iscrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Honestly, thank you. I'm going to check this out and see if there is anything here that can help with my situation.

HR could always phone up that other lady he was harassing too, if it helps.

And as Miles said, if you're ousted from your work friend group because you wouldn't let an emotionally unstable creepster harass you, those assholes weren't friends at all.

Thanks for the advice, I didn't think, but the other woman may defiantly be able to help my situation if I report it to HR or the police.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

How do you guys prevent yourself from getting too caught up or sucked into an emotional whirlwind during the honeymoon period of a new relationship? Me and the girl have amazing chemistry and we seem to be pretty gaga over each other, but we also both think we're moving way too fast and are trying to slow it down, even though that's really... hard.

We're both very overly analytical about every move we make, lol.

Eh what do you consider moving fast?

 

[always crazy bacon]

How do you guys prevent yourself from getting too caught up or sucked into an emotional whirlwind during the honeymoon period of a new relationship? Me and the girl have amazing chemistry and we seem to be pretty gaga over each other, but we also both think we're moving way too fast and are trying to slow it down, even though that's really... hard.

We're both very overly analytical about every move we make, lol.

Take a day off from contacting each other.

 

[amanset]

And I know no one really cares what I say here.

But things were said. The right thing was done. Moving on. I'm going to hurt like hell for a while but it starts now.

Sorry.