Damn, sorry bro
Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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Damn, sorry bro
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Yeah, I knew it at the time(it was the christmas just gone) distance, let the delusions set in. Thanks all.
Congrats! Do keep your expectations in check, but it's always nice to feel good about dates
Congrats! Do keep your expectations in check, but it's always nice to feel good about dates
Thanks! She sent me a text tonight expressing a positive vibe on the date so I'm optimistic and relieved at the same time. The last time I came away this positive about a date, it was a total misread on my part. So I essentially stopped getting my hopes up for the longest time.
I think I have the only help I need. Which is this:
"Fucking up a lot" was meant to include how I was in here.
I know what I have to do. You guys are right about what I have to do. And it is going to hurt like hell, but it is what I have to do. We need to have the talk and say "whatever is going on, I shouldn't be doing it. I need to stop." It doesn't matter what she wants, it doesn't matter if she even has any feelings for me (and right now that could go either way, a large part of me suspects that I am a distraction that makes her feel good about herself), it stops.
I get hurt. But it stops.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yep. While I've seen it most with women (and once even dropped a whole friend group from all their damn petty drama), the single worst person I've seen with grudges and drama and bullshit was my ex (who was male, to clarify to non regulars). 10 year long grudges over the dumbest stuff. Definitely not gender exclusive, though tbh I have mostly male friends now anyway, and it seems better
I've noticed men in general (some women too, but not as many from personal experience) are more willing to air their shit out instead of letting it fester and reach a point where they literally start to hate someone.
There's also less passive aggressiveness, which is the fucking worst. The fucking worst.
No kidding.
I'm not 100% sure I do have it (I'm going for a blood test tomorrow), but considering I feel like absolute shit I believe I do. It's simply too coincidental otherwise.
I can't stop blaming myself for things going south with the girl and it doesn't help I grew way too attached so early on.
It doesn't help I have no idea when the hell I'll even be able to get back out there with dating, especially since mono (if that's what I do have) can be contagious for a long time after suffering with it...
Went on a bit of a strange tinder date yesterday.
Met up with a girl for drinks. Went well enough, had some laughs, told some stories. About an hour into our date the fire alarm goes off and annoyingly stays on so we decide to leave. We step outside and fire trucks are showing up, tons of people have already exited the building which includes some condos. She asks if I want to go back to her place, and I agree as it's nearby and she has a cool dog.
Fast forward a couple hours at her place, we are sitting on her couch making out, and her roommate shows up along with her dog. The roommate's dog runs over, playing with my date's dog, and it seems familiar but I couldn't place it. Shortly thereafter, her roommate appears and after trading introductions her name sounded familiar, but again, couldn't immediately place it. Roommate disappears somewhere. Suddenly a few minutes later when my date and I are playing with both dogs it hit me. I had matched with her roommate as well and talked to her enough to get her number meaning I was talking to both of them simultaneously, but I had only scheduled a date with one. I just called it a night and left because this kind of weirded me out. This is in a 300k+ city where i have like 25 matches total >.>
Met up with a girl for drinks. Went well enough, had some laughs, told some stories. About an hour into our date the fire alarm goes off and annoyingly stays on so we decide to leave. We step outside and fire trucks are showing up, tons of people have already exited the building which includes some condos. She asks if I want to go back to her place, and I agree as it's nearby and she has a cool dog.
Fast forward a couple hours at her place, we are sitting on her couch making out, and her roommate shows up along with her dog. The roommate's dog runs over, playing with my date's dog, and it seems familiar but I couldn't place it. Shortly thereafter, her roommate appears and after trading introductions her name sounded familiar, but again, couldn't immediately place it. Roommate disappears somewhere. Suddenly a few minutes later when my date and I are playing with both dogs it hit me. I had matched with her roommate as well and talked to her enough to get her number meaning I was talking to both of them simultaneously, but I had only scheduled a date with one. I just called it a night and left because this kind of weirded me out. This is in a 300k+ city where i have like 25 matches total >.>
Well this actually kept going and she arrives later today. She gave me her number so I'll prolly see if she wants to do something in a few days so she has time to settle.
Wow awkward. I have a semi similar story. A girl I was seeing, her friend came over and they were playing around on tinder. She (the friend) matches with a guy - who walks in the door five mins later. She matched with her flat mate. It was awkward and they never went out.
Date last night went excellently. I never laughed so much on a date before, and she said it was the first date ever that she actually enjoyed. Went for the old hug and peck on the cheek at the end and she turned it into a kiss. I'm looking forward to seeing her again.
Dang man, you should have stuck around and had more fun if she didn't recognize you
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Perhaps double the fun if she did
lame, but couldn't resist
What's she looking for?
Trouble explaining IT? Have you ever done a work experience outline for a job application? Use something from that.
"I manage 5,000 computers for a school district in a small suburb". "I work in a skyscraper, maintaining computers for 500 employees at a financial company. I specialize in hardware". I deploy software such as "insert recognizeable names here".
Or even simplify it from there. "I create website content make sure that those company websites function." "I make sure that everyone can send email."
You don't have to explain computer science to them. Most people can understand broad concepts like "manage", "maintain", "fix", etc.
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To the people who hate the gym but want to get their body moving:
The gym is a strange form of discipline where the typical activities aren't classically "fun". And you sort of learn to appreciate it, as you force yourself to go and start to get better. You eventually end up addicted to the way you feel (better, stronger) and your ability to complete the movements which result in those feelings. you are pretty much shortcutting your reward response.
It's totally ok if you don't like it. There are many ways to move. Don't be the person who lays $50 per month, to use the treadmill.
If you wanna walk or run, go walk or run. Buy the right gear, to keep you doing it through most weather. You can take different routes each time. You can drive somewhere special and do your walk or run, there.
There are lots of ways to exercise, with just your body. You can go out into a field/park/backyard/etc and do any numbered of varied bodyweight exercises, yoga, martial arts, etc.
Having a partner or team, for any of it, can be great. But, finding individual partners to start with you, can be tough. Try to find someone who is already well into it. They will be exponentially less likely to flake on you. Could be a friend. Could an associate. Could be a random at the gym. Strike up a convo, get to the point.
"I manage 5,000 computers for a school district in a small suburb". "I work in a skyscraper, maintaining computers for 500 employees at a financial company. I specialize in hardware". I deploy software such as "insert recognizeable names here".
Or even simplify it from there. "I create website content make sure that those company websites function." "I make sure that everyone can send email."
You don't have to explain computer science to them. Most people can understand broad concepts like "manage", "maintain", "fix", etc.
-----------
To the people who hate the gym but want to get their body moving:
The gym is a strange form of discipline where the typical activities aren't classically "fun". And you sort of learn to appreciate it, as you force yourself to go and start to get better. You eventually end up addicted to the way you feel (better, stronger) and your ability to complete the movements which result in those feelings. you are pretty much shortcutting your reward response.
It's totally ok if you don't like it. There are many ways to move. Don't be the person who lays $50 per month, to use the treadmill.
If you wanna walk or run, go walk or run. Buy the right gear, to keep you doing it through most weather. You can take different routes each time. You can drive somewhere special and do your walk or run, there.
There are lots of ways to exercise, with just your body. You can go out into a field/park/backyard/etc and do any numbered of varied bodyweight exercises, yoga, martial arts, etc.
Having a partner or team, for any of it, can be great. But, finding individual partners to start with you, can be tough. Try to find someone who is already well into it. They will be exponentially less likely to flake on you. Could be a friend. Could an associate. Could be a random at the gym. Strike up a convo, get to the point.
ZackieChan
Member
You fucked up big time. Who cares about the roommate, unless you were planning to try to get down with both. You were doing so well, too...
No clue. I should check her okc again
Messofanego
Banned
This is brilliant haha! Why not just roll with it next time the other girl recognises you at their place? If there even is a second date.
Blackquill
Member
As you guys said some weeks ago, Tinder changes its algorithm after you delete your account and make a new one so my profil will have a better visibility. Well thing is that I have even less matches than before, only one for a week, weeeeeeelp
Krauser Kat
Member
You got done Dirty.
So im back in this dating thing.
I think bumble knows when you swipe. If you are swiping daily it puts you to the top of the list in some people. Like i got no matches for 2 days, I swiped some. Then i woke up to 6 or 7 matches that i could say if was interested in talking to or not. (bumble premium is kind of worth it)
I started up bumble on wednesday. I have been on 2 dates from it. I have a date tonight and a date tomorrow and one on friday. 5 girls in one week, i might have a problem (what am i doing). The second date i went on was promising. Excited to see her again.
Girls on OKC are not as cute as Bumble and way way more picky and less likely to meet up so i tend to use that less.
I think i might cancel one of these dates to have some down time. I have too much shit going on.
I guess I should have included in my story that I wasn't super into her. I'm not sure how much longer I would have stayed even without her roommate's arrival.
Got asked out on a date on Tinder. What are the odds. Short conversation and she just asks " wanna grab a beer in the near future?". Said yes, and we set a date and time and haven't talked since. It's refreshing to find someone that doesn't beat around the bush and just goes for it. She scored some points with that one.
you should wait until the date before giving her any points.
Sure, I understand. I'm not easily swayed, btw. But like I said, I was impressed by how direct she was. I like that.
Count Dookkake
Member
Some recent experiences have prompted me to reiterate some long-term strategy for the youngbloods:
Sometimes a girl will reject you. There is no need to go scorched earth on her however it went down. If she was nice about it, then remain friendly. Be a friend. This has several benefits.
This does not mean to sit around with a big crush. Live your life, try other people, but having a cute friend will never harm you, and it may end up paying off in unexpected ways.
Sometimes a girl will reject you. There is no need to go scorched earth on her however it went down. If she was nice about it, then remain friendly. Be a friend. This has several benefits.
By not freaking out, you don't look like a loser or a creep. Word gets around, good or bad.
- A new friend has other friends. By being cool, you will meet them.
- Sometimes, over time, friends may re-evaluate your meaning to them and you will find yourself in their bed. I have lost track of how many times this has happened to me.
This does not mean to sit around with a big crush. Live your life, try other people, but having a cute friend will never harm you, and it may end up paying off in unexpected ways.
LucidMomentum
Member
Yep yep. I try not to burn bridges, well at least I don't nowadays. I can think of a couple relationships that ended in a poor manner and they don't speak to me anymore, but all the others have been amicable at least.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You shouldn't go scorched earth on pretty much anything euther way. It literally only ever gets you in trouble
We wouldnt even have a thread if the average poster here found this easy to do
I agree with the principle here but I wouldn't even ride a friendship unless I actually wanted it. Keeping cute friends is a positive as well as not scorching your social network but generally speaking, if you are interested in someone romantically I would find it difficult to believe that most people can turn on the friend switch in moments (I can but that's not really the point). Whenever we read "but we're still friends" here what it normally means is "I really like her still but she said no so I'm lurking in the shadows loke a chump". I think it's valuable to be able to guage when you actually wanna friendship and when you just need to dip out because you're too invested.
I would agree with this.
Krauser Kat
Member
Scorching the earth is childs play. I have made so many friends that have stuck with me over the past year of people that i fucked and decided it wasnt right.
"be a good person" shouldnt be that hard but some people find it difficult.
"be a good person" shouldnt be that hard but some people find it difficult.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
I would add another tip to the Count's list - One I admit to not having always successfully followed myself.
Try not to take anything personally, it'll make the dating experience SO much easier for yourself.
By this I mean: not only don't go scorched earth, also don't be too hard on yourself (no one is worth harming your self image over).
Try not to take anything personally, it'll make the dating experience SO much easier for yourself.
By this I mean: not only don't go scorched earth, also don't be too hard on yourself (no one is worth harming your self image over).
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yep. Called it. My Breakup Barometer is flawless.
Anyway, I'm over this. I celebrated last night with a friend and her fiancé, and then another friend called, mentioned that his boyfriend proposed, and they joined us too. Glad my other friend and her husband didn't show up. Meanwhile, I'm exhausted from being defined by my (lack of) relationships. Really, please stop asking me. I don't want to talk about it.
The thought of telling the same stories and engaging in the same first date banter at the same places I've been to dozens of times -- no really, I walk around this city and half the places I see trigger an "Oh, that's where I went with her," with all the hers being different -- is maddening, draining, time consuming, and expensive.
I'm out. I've resolved to be happy for other people in my life, and I'm embracing third wheel status for the foreseeable future.
I'm unsubbing from this thread and the other one. Best of luck, guys/gals. Just listen to Miles, gaiages, Gotdatmoney, ZackieChan, vern, and the other regulars: their shit is on point.
I met a nice polyamorous woman last week and we're trying to set up a second date in the near future. She seems to be a bit flakey or at least hard to pin down to an exact time and day until the last minute which is something common with poly people I've noticed, but still a little frustrating. If get the sense that my time is not being respected I'll walk away from it, but I'm looking forward to getting to know her more on our next date.
Reading the dating threads over the years you've been a great contributor and have given so much sage wisdom to the posters here. You'll be missed.
I get wanting to take a break for a while. The dating world can be exhausting.
Reading the dating threads over the years you've been a great contributor and have given so much sage wisdom to the posters here. You'll be missed.
I get wanting to take a break for a while. The dating world can be exhausting.
davidnic
Member
Hey, first time posting on this thread.
Just want to ask a question I match a girl last year on tinder we talked and suggested we meet for coffee while I in town, she agree but too busy meet the weekend so I tried again when I in town again it didn't work. I almost gave up.
But then I ask for her number she gave it to me and chatted for a bit she has a high end job so sometimes she doesn't really talk so we have not really talk for 6 months. I am going to her city in a couple of days for 3-4 days so how do bring up I want to met her?
Just want to ask a question I match a girl last year on tinder we talked and suggested we meet for coffee while I in town, she agree but too busy meet the weekend so I tried again when I in town again it didn't work. I almost gave up.
But then I ask for her number she gave it to me and chatted for a bit she has a high end job so sometimes she doesn't really talk so we have not really talk for 6 months. I am going to her city in a couple of days for 3-4 days so how do bring up I want to met her?
"Long time no see! I'll be in town on the 18th and staying for a few days, how about finally grabbing that coffee we talked about 6 months ago? ☕️✌️
Count Dookkake
Member
Oh boy.
So because of her "high end job" she can't speak to you for months at a time? Fishy. Also, how far apart do you live?
I suspect it does not matter how you ask her; the result will be the same.
Most likely you are right... can't hurt for him to send out one message just to ask though.
davidnic
Member
We liver 1200 km's (745miles) away from each other.
I think she has pretty busy social life too but I agree with you I am not holding my breath.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Put your efforts into finding other woman rather that putting your hopes on this one where nothing has happened in 6 months.
Or he can just ask if she's up for it and then he will have a girl to hang out with in a new town for a few days. If she ignores him then he wasted 10 seconds writing a message.
I always swipe like mad when I'm in a new town, which is pretty much always. Great way to find out the area, meet cute girls, and have no strings attached relations.
But yea if he is hoping to get a gf out of it he should probably not get his hopes up, you are right.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Normally I would say move on dont bother but 1200km is never gonna be a real relationship anyway so why not flash that "I'm gonna be in town for a few days, if you got some time on wed or thurs night (example obvi) lets click up".
Just pose it as an invite. And then actually go do cool shit those days regardless.
davidnic
Member
message sent, lets see if she replies..
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Thanks, guys. Incidentally, the girl and I actually talked things through and we're continuing onward. I'd ordinarily post about this, but to be honest, I'm really wondering if storybooking my life when I don't actually need advice is inadvertently contributing to looking for problems to address when they don't actually exist. So I won't. I'm satisfied, and that's enough.
And I'll provide advice, but maybe less frequently.
Lesson: complaining on GAF always works, especially for rare drops in games.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Shit kicked off between her and her mum on Sunday. Lots of shouting and pent up frustrations coming to the surface. Her mum keeps trying to do things because she feels guilty about not contributing financially and so she literally took over the seating arrangements.
Not a good idea with all the bullshit.
I thought about trying to calm them down but I just kept my head down because fuck getting in the middle of a mother/daughter argument. I didn't need that to fuck my day up. Shit was intense.
Long story short, her mum has taken a step back and the seating arrangements are mostly done. I thought about using the opportunity to try and make the case for not inviting the cunts, but yeah, I didn't need my day fucked up.
It's been less tense since the blowout though, one of those things that had to happen. I'm just glad I wasn't the one on the receiving end because I know I contributed to the stress.
Not a good idea with all the bullshit.
I thought about trying to calm them down but I just kept my head down because fuck getting in the middle of a mother/daughter argument. I didn't need that to fuck my day up. Shit was intense.
Long story short, her mum has taken a step back and the seating arrangements are mostly done. I thought about using the opportunity to try and make the case for not inviting the cunts, but yeah, I didn't need my day fucked up.
It's been less tense since the blowout though, one of those things that had to happen. I'm just glad I wasn't the one on the receiving end because I know I contributed to the stress.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Hey man, I know it's disheartening to keep starting over and having your friends getting engaged/married, but don't give up. Have you thought about shaking things up with dates to keep things fresh?
Do you always default to coffee/dinner for the first date? Hit up museums instead, do walking tours (you're city based right?), look up stuff that doesn't cost a lot but keeps the conversation from going back to the same old shit. You'll have to talk about it eventually, but it doesn't have to be on the first date.
Everyone hits a rut, but that doesn't mean you give up and start to feel sorry for yourself. You're better than being a third fucking wheel and feeling happy for others, don't bring that garbage in here and don't internalise it either.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Well, the guy got sibling zoned.
"I think of you like a brother."
Co-workers are all don't give up, and pursue her. She just needs a little convincing.
I just kept my mouth shut. Partly because I realize I do feel a little lonely inside. Here is a poor guy who is rejected, while I have no trouble asking out girls, none of them feels right. I don't want to hookup. Trust me, I like sex just as much as any guy. I do want someone I can give a shit about. I don't feel good about being right on the money with my advice. I don't even know what to do with myself.
"I think of you like a brother."
Co-workers are all don't give up, and pursue her. She just needs a little convincing.
I just kept my mouth shut. Partly because I realize I do feel a little lonely inside. Here is a poor guy who is rejected, while I have no trouble asking out girls, none of them feels right. I don't want to hookup. Trust me, I like sex just as much as any guy. I do want someone I can give a shit about. I don't feel good about being right on the money with my advice. I don't even know what to do with myself.
You should keep looking for girls. Try tinder, there is s decent amount of "westernized" girls on there in Guangzhou. Seems Chinese girls aren't doing it for you at all. Also maybe hit Hong Kong on the weekends, better selection out there since again you are against the average Chinese girl. It's only a 3 hour train and you are bound to have fun with or without finding a date. I don't what else to tell you man. Get back to the USA and date Americans again? I meet so many awesome Chinese chicks, interesting, talented, beautiful... that's what makes it so hard to settle on just one for me. And yet you can't find one worth your time. Strange times.
Miles Quaritch
Member
"She needs a little convincing"...
Jesus Christ. You should pull your coworker aside and tell him not to listen to them because they are clearly cunts who are trying to amuse themselves.
Jesus Christ. You should pull your coworker aside and tell him not to listen to them because they are clearly cunts who are trying to amuse themselves.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe you should start a new thread?
Cow Mengde
Banned
I'm not even trying to be a jerk to the local girls. I meet, and I do my best to have fun. While I didn't run into any bad dates, my encounters aren't very interesting. Oh and just to be shallow, so many Chinese girls are sticks. I like a little T&A on my girls. This isn't the only reason of course.
I tried tinder hoping to find more westernized girls. Not much luck there. Forget matches, I can't even find girls in the area. If they do show up, I get 1 or 2 profiles. I have set tinder to search in a much wider range; all the way to 100 miles which Hong Kong is within. I barely get matches on tinder. Though to be fair, maybe not everyone is interested in traveling 80 miles for a guy/girl.
I love fucking with you guys on WeChat back then cause the matches keep rolling in. Yet at the end of the day, those are nothing more than bragging numbers.
Yeah, I would, but everyone thinks I'm a cold hearted monster after I told him it was a bad idea. Like I said, Chinese people view relationships a little differently.
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