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[KlotePino]

Hey GAF, I used to creep this thread as a lurker and now I can finally share my little girl problem. About two years ago I met this girl on a party, got to making out and we started hanging out for a couple months afterwards. She actually already landed in my bed about a couple of weeks after I first met her and did pretty much everything except have sex.

I was such a tool at this stuff that I was still taking every text seriously and just in general sweating it too much. After a while I would just go out with her and she'd just go home with random guys which I wasn't exactly too hot on. We never officially had a thing but it still felt humiliating. So I made one foolish love confession telling her how all the random guys didn't love her like I did blabla. That didn't really work out and we pretty much stopped hanging out.

Fastforward to a month ago and I wanted to see her again wondering if she'd changed and not having had any action in a...pretty long time probably helped a little too. We really hit it off again and had a good time but I had pretty much contacted her saying upfront I wasn't gonna make any foolish love confessions again. She stayed over late on night and we made out again but when I went downtown she said she wasn't sure if she wanted that which I first interpreted as a bad thing seeing as that did happen two years ago.

After thinking about it more I was hoping that might actually be a good thing as she might not be so easy about it like she used to be. We did cuddle and the whole thing felt pretty loving. I really want things to work out with her because she's cool but I still can't really tell what's going on with her. She moved away for a while because she wasn't feeling so good about school and having problems with her parents. I feel like she's not the same girl going home with random dudes but I can't really tell.

I wanna give it a serious shot this time and was hoping to ramp up the tempo seeing as it keeps taking 2 weeks for me to get her to meet up again. Sometimes I feel forgets how much fun she had last time you know? Anyway I really want to ramp up the tempo but she's dodging any questions about a potential new meetup. I don't wanna suggest something more than once so now I'm pretty much waiting for her to suggest something but that might still take a while.

One important thing I forgot to mention is that we both pretty much have radiosilence whenever we don't wanna discuss a meetup. I really hated the whole texting game last time I hung out with her and she seemed to feel the same way so there's no fluff when I text her. It's not like I couldn't break that unspoken rule but it's been this way and it might help if it stayed this way. I'd really love to hang out with her a lot over the summer so if GAF has any tips? Sorry for the awful rambling but that's what happens when I talk about girls.

 

[cashman]

To be fair it is this attitude that also contributes to a negative attitude for many in this thread, as its the equivalent of a rich guy claiming 'woe is me! I didn't make a million today i have problems!!'

There are differing degrees of problems, meaning things are more difficult for others. Many times you have good looking folk in this thread posting advice to just be yourself and the women will come in droves! That just aggravates the miserable folk to call bullshit.

Ideally there should be separate threads for the have and have-nots but gaf off-topic is not a forum designed for dating so its consolidated here.

I think it's silly to assume that dating is something limited to "good looking" people. Besides you're not even ugly

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

To be fair it is this attitude that also contributes to a negative attitude for many in this thread, as its the equivalent of a rich guy claiming 'woe is me! I didn't make a million today i have problems!!'

There are differing degrees of problems, meaning things are more difficult for others. Many times you have good looking folk in this thread posting advice to just be yourself and the women will come in droves! That just aggravates the miserable folk to call bullshit.

Ideally there should be separate threads for the have and have-nots but gaf off-topic is not a forum designed for dating so its consolidated here.

"Be yourself" is good advice but it assumes you have the self-confidence of an adult. Even the good looking people are frequently rejected, but if you love yourself and who you are, you're more likely to think that the two of you just aren't a good match rather than taking it as a flat rejection of your entire being. That's the problem Izick has to get over.

I think of people like Lena Dunham on Girls who has, by most standards, a pretty terrible body and not necessarily an attractive face, but she has no problem getting male attention because she has the self-esteem and humor to get naked on TV and not give a fuck.

 

[soundahfekz]

Well then, not to be rude or condescending, but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about with that last part of your post then. If you're just facially ugly, then you can't do shit, besides surgery or something drastic. You can try all the nice clothes and work out, and pretend to be confident, but at the end of the day the ugly person is still ugly. You can dress a pig up, but at the end of the day, it's still a fucking pig.

Dude I dated with no problem at 6'0 270 something lbs for a good while. My highest was 280, and at funny enough at 280 I was the most depressed, low self esteem passive aggressive motherfucker you'd ever wanna see. The difference between 10 pounds at that time? CONFIDENCE and DESIRE to want to become a "better" person overall, for myself and for the sake of dating and relationships.

My then fatness was equivalent to your self perceived uglyness, so I don't wanna hear that shit man. Do you look like a toxic avenger? No? well you're good to go then. You probably aren't even "ugly". Very few people are. Dating women is all about the value you place in yourself, Period. It radiates from within you, and they feel where you're at with it the moment you are in contact with them. A man with no confidence is a leech waiting to suck all the lifeblood and independence out of a woman he's set his eyes on. That's how it is perceived and that's how it is likely to go, so they bail.

Yes all the other shit helps. Immensely depending on what you're lacking. Yes I have way more women attracted to me after losing significant weight than I did when I was knocking on the door of 300. The point is that even at my worst, my confidence partially compensated for the unsightly shape I was in, and I totally subscribe to the idea that it is the enhanced confidence from said weight loss that has contributed to being sought after more than it is the fact that I became more physically attractive.

Spoiler

It's a trap, retreat, retreat!!!

Indeed. You should retreat for your own good

Why are you still here? If your conclusion is you're too unattractive to find any dates and we can't convince you otherwise, there is nothing further to discuss, right? This thread isn't titled "How much does attractiveness matter while dating?" or "Pity party-age" so you don't belong here. Your posts do more harm than good wasting everyone's time and dragging already depressed gaffers into your quagmire of self-pity. Either listen to masud's advice and step up to the plate or as prologue suggested GTFO.

Don't make him feel unwelcome man, where he's coming from is a dark place with a lot of pent up frustration, trust me I know. Sometimes dating age is the only place guys have been able to talk about these things, so while tough love is def a good thing at a certain point, they have to be able to let all that out too!

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

soundahfekz, the fact you have referenced looking like Bart Simpson AND a toxic avenger in your past few posts in this thread automatically makes you a good guy in my book. Thanks for your input, it is much appreciated.

As I said in a previous post, I seem to hit a glass ceiling with every girl I meet through these online dating sites. The few that I do get to speak to and get friendly with always seem to lose interest and like was mentioned before, its due to the girl:guy ratio and the unfortunate fact that there will ALWAYS be another guy who is better looking, better suited and more desirable just a few clicks away. The nature of the beast.

I don't want to be branded with the negative Nancy outlook which seems to be popular in this thread at the moment. I am definitely one of those guys who does not have a great physique or pretty boy looks. My hair isn't awful but its not as thick as it was and I'm not getting any younger, I'm 29 in 3 months. Since March this year I have got a new well paid job, been working out more, started cycling to improve my fitness, I've met up with about 6 girls from these online sites and nothing has come from any of them. 4 of them were one date and nothing more. I had repeat dates with 2, both of which have lost interest too. There has been flirting, kissing, etc, its not like I'm sat with my hands in my pockets. I just cant seem to sustain the interest needed to create a foundation for a long term relationship. It always feels like I don't hit the mark of expectation in real life. I use good pics of myself online (which aren't really that great I hasten to add) which definitely give a better impression of my looks than in real life. Maybe this is my mistake? But if I use worse pics, I'm surely going to find it even harder to get chatting to girls. It really is a pain in the ass.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

"Be yourself" is good advice but it assumes you have the self-confidence of an adult. Even the good looking people are frequently rejected, but if you love yourself and who you are, you're more likely to think that the two of you just aren't a good match rather than taking it as a flat rejection of your entire being. That's the problem Izick has to get over.

I think of people like Lena Dunham on Girls who has, by most standards, a pretty terrible body and not necessarily an attractive face, but she has no problem getting male attention because she has the self-esteem and humor to get naked on TV and not give a fuck.

Please. Some of us have dealt with enough rejection to last multiple lifetimes and eventually you gotta do some objective inward viewing. There was a time where I ignored the negative remarks people would say to me and couldn't see what they were talking about. It was only until I decided to turn things around that I realized just how bad things had gotten. Unfortunately even with all the improvements I've made in my life it's still not enough to make up for some things.

Anyways to illustrate my point this last weekend I met a girl IRL who I had only texted and spoken on the phone with. She had seen a picture or two of me but pictures aren't always real life representations. But she acted on way over those mediums and then when she see's me in person it's a total 180, almost like you could feel the disappointment. Not a big deal once in a while perhaps but this has happened a lot to me by people in general. I'm trying not to post in this thread too much because it's easy to get sucked into the debate but I feel like I need to show that whatever negativity I seem to be bringing here is not all internal.

 

[soundahfekz]

soundahfekz, the fact you have referenced looking like Bart Simpson AND a toxic avenger in your past few posts in this thread automatically makes you a good guy in my book. Thanks for your input, it is much appreciated.

As I said in a previous post, I seem to hit a glass ceiling with every girl I meet through these online dating sites. The few that I do get to speak to and get friendly with always seem to lose interest and like was mentioned before, its due to the girl:guy ratio and the unfortunate fact that there will ALWAYS be another guy who is better looking, better suited and more desirable just a few clicks away. The nature of the beast.

I don't want to be branded with the negative Nancy outlook which seems to be popular in this thread at the moment. I am definitely one of those guys who does not have a great physique or pretty boy looks. My hair isn't awful but its not as thick as it was and I'm not getting any younger, I'm 29 in 3 months. Since March this year I have got a new well paid job, been working out more, started cycling to improve my fitness, I've met up with about 6 girls from these online sites and nothing has come from any of them. 4 of them were one date and nothing more. I had repeat dates with 2, both of which have lost interest too. There has been flirting, kissing, etc, its not like I'm sat with my hands in my pockets. I just cant seem to sustain the interest needed to create a foundation for a long term relationship. It always feels like I don't hit the mark of expectation in real life. I use good pics of myself online (which aren't really that great I hasten to add) which definitely give a better impression of my looks than in real life. Maybe this is my mistake? But if I use worse pics, I'm surely going to find it even harder to get chatting to girls. It really is a pain in the ass.

That's because the goal of any interaction should never directly be a relationship. It has to come naturally, or at least it should from a mutual standpoint. When you're introduced to a guy (assuming that you're not bi here for all intensive purposes), let's say, a friend of a friend or you end up chatting with some random guy at a party, do you instantly say, "I sure hope we can become friends for life"?

Attraction to a woman obviously plays a role making a bit of a difference in the above example, but the point is the conditions for a relationship are something that are vetted over several interactions, just like establishing a long lasting friendship would be. She should need to qualify as much as you need to qualify for her!

Your photos vs real life have nothing to do with it im sure, unless you're using the myspace angle and are like +100 lbs more than what the angle revealed.

You say you just landed a well paying job. Man, you just acquired a severe advantage over a lot of the men you feel you're competing against! Here's the time to play around with your character and redefine what it means to be Bucket if Bucket isn't happy with himself.

Start following style blogs, make sure your clothing game is right
Force your self to do interesting things you normally wouldnt (give yourself something to talk about). Go out, hit an amusement park, see a play, join a beer pong tournament, whatever!
Work out at least 3-5 times a week. not only does this shape you up, but it literally remedies depression.
Find something to become passionate about if you don't have that already.

Most of all, online dating has its advantages, but for guys that need to develop confidence it can perpetually hinder them in confidence and social development because of how flaky and specific the experience can be. start flapping that jaw in real life man, talk to the lady at the counter who rings up your food, ask her how her day was, make a joke if you see something someone did that was funny in your head. Get yourself prepared to be more engaging so that when dating opportunities arise your conversation can be more interesting and instinctual.

 

[Sub_Level]

Question time! And yeah, I'm probably overthinking stuff.

Met up with a girl through a friend she had asked to help her move stuff. So we did and I thought that during the move she was at least a little receptive to me (and I think her mom thought I was cool too). So over facebook (and in person) I invited her to a BBQ I'm having for the Fourth. She said she worked that night but that if she got out early enough she'd stop by. I gave her my number, still don't have hers.

I'm also probably gonna have people over later this weekend, should I invite her to that as well since she might not make the bbq? Or does that look desperate? I only have an inkling that she might like me...nothing more, really. She laughed at my jokes and actually responded to my invite but the way I figure you don't really know for sure until you go in for the kiss.

 

[FO-totality]

Question time! And yeah, I'm probably overthinking stuff.

Met up with a girl through a friend she had asked to help her move stuff. So we did and I thought that during the move she was at least a little receptive to me (and I think her mom thought I was cool too). So over facebook (and in person) I invited her to a BBQ I'm having for the Fourth. She said she worked that night but that if she got out early enough she'd stop by. I gave her my number, still don't have hers.

I'm also probably gonna have people over later this weekend, should I invite her to that as well since she might not make the bbq? Or does that look desperate? I only have an inkling that she might like me...nothing more, really. She laughed at my jokes and actually responded to my invite but the way I figure you don't really know for sure until you go in for the kiss.

My instinct would be to invite her, but just keep as nonchalant as you can. I don't think it looks desperate, per-say, depending on how you word your invite.

 

[PigSpeakers]

boy, ann frank sure had it easy compared to you.

Man, Anne Frank was HOT. Any y'all into some Anne Frank? Get on my level.

 

[soundahfekz]

Question time! And yeah, I'm probably overthinking stuff.

Met up with a girl through a friend she had asked to help her move stuff. So we did and I thought that during the move she was at least a little receptive to me (and I think her mom thought I was cool too). So over facebook (and in person) I invited her to a BBQ I'm having for the Fourth. She said she worked that night but that if she got out early enough she'd stop by. I gave her my number, still don't have hers.

I'm also probably gonna have people over later this weekend, should I invite her to that as well since she might not make the bbq? Or does that look desperate? I only have an inkling that she might like me...nothing more, really. She laughed at my jokes and actually responded to my invite but the way I figure you don't really know for sure until you go in for the kiss.

Stop thinking about it so much. Invite her and don't think twice about it if she doesn't show up. What do you have to lose? You had enough confidence to make the move Credit yourself for that. Don't agonize over what you can't control!

 

[Ashodin]

Cool guys I'm back in the game!

 

[MTE]

Went on a date last night - went well. We'd met for lunch before, but this was our first "date". We went to dinner, and then for a walk to a nearby park. We sat for a short while, and chatted. The night had been doing well, she was smiling, laughing at my jokes. I'm horrible at reading signs, so when we hit a lull in the conversation, I just went for a kiss. Just reached over and lightly held her chin and turned her head. It worked

Oh, and for those that worries about being known on GAF or dating sites by people they know "IRL", I suggest just letting go. Is it such a big deal for someone to know that you're looking for a girl? Is the stigma of being inexperienced in dating reason enough to not go for what could be a huge advantage? What's the worst that could happen?
I'm positive people I know in the real world have found me on dating sites, but that's because they're there too.

Yes, that's me in my avatar. And yes, if you know me in real life, I don't care.

 

[Raitosaito]

Question time! And yeah, I'm probably overthinking stuff.

Met up with a girl through a friend she had asked to help her move stuff. So we did and I thought that during the move she was at least a little receptive to me (and I think her mom thought I was cool too). So over facebook (and in person) I invited her to a BBQ I'm having for the Fourth. She said she worked that night but that if she got out early enough she'd stop by. I gave her my number, still don't have hers.

I'm also probably gonna have people over later this weekend, should I invite her to that as well since she might not make the bbq? Or does that look desperate? I only have an inkling that she might like me...nothing more, really. She laughed at my jokes and actually responded to my invite but the way I figure you don't really know for sure until you go in for the kiss.

If she's not more physical it's hard to tell if she likes you, but I'll lean more with no. (Only way to be sure is with light touching, like with hugs and hi-five) And even if she does, the fact that you gave her your number seems needy which can turn girls off.

But I'm also going to be more confusing and say I am probably over analyzing.

Edit: I have a question for GAF.

So GAF, I feel like my game is strong except for one area, and that seems to be with the girl's friends. Whenever the girl invites me to a friend's party or some kind of gathering all the guys are automatically not receptive to anything I say are do, and the women kind of herd around each other and give a stare if I want to engage in conversation. Happened quite a few times because everyone feels like I'm intruding on some habitual social gathering. I then proceed to hear a few days later from the girl that her friends find me weird, and in a few weeks uses that to completely break everything off.

It's just so strange to me that you can be having fun with someone for months and one thing is usually used as an excuse. I have an easy time finding women, terrible time getting into their little club.

What do I do?

 

[NeOak]

Spoiler

It's a trap, retreat, retreat!!!

Anyway, some of you may be happy (relieved?) to know I'm setting up some therapy soon. I dunno if I'll have money for long term but we'll see. Maybe one day I will be normal enough to post in here properly. Cheers all, and thanks for posting at me when I whined, it helped push me to try talking to someone.

Excellent news! It's a great step you're taking by doing a different thing compared to your previous attempts.

I know that you won't believe this, but you're actually "normal enough": you already were by the time you posted.

Good Luck!

 

[UFRA]

Question time! And yeah, I'm probably overthinking stuff.

Met up with a girl through a friend she had asked to help her move stuff. So we did and I thought that during the move she was at least a little receptive to me (and I think her mom thought I was cool too). So over facebook (and in person) I invited her to a BBQ I'm having for the Fourth. She said she worked that night but that if she got out early enough she'd stop by. I gave her my number, still don't have hers.

I'm also probably gonna have people over later this weekend, should I invite her to that as well since she might not make the bbq? Or does that look desperate? I only have an inkling that she might like me...nothing more, really. She laughed at my jokes and actually responded to my invite but the way I figure you don't really know for sure until you go in for the kiss.

I think you're safe either way. So just do what you feel most comfortable with.

If she IS interested in you...

...and you DONT invite her to the weekend thing...even if she can't make the BBQ, she'll want to try and get with you some other time and will make it known.

...or you DO invite her to the weekend thing...she'll breathe a sigh of relief because she couldn't make it to the BBQ easily and now she can just pass that up and make it for sure on the weekend.

If she's NOT interested in you...

...and you DONT invite her to the weekend thing...no harm done, and she'll make an excuse that she couldn't make it to the BBQ and you'll never hear from her again.

...or you DO invite her to the weekend thing...she'll just make another excuse to miss that and you'll never hear from her again.

I'm bored and I just exhausted all possibilities for you.

 

[Johnlenham]

Dude, look back in this thread about a guy named Combine. He had the same issue both in in real life and in this thread for a long time and got banned. We're not here to hate on you, the last thing I would ever want to is spout hate on another human being. Tough love, maybe, but surely you can see that your attitude isn't helping matters.

Just step out of the thread and relax, reflect, meditate, go on a hike, and maybe sleep it off before you step even farther into a bad situation. I'm not hating on you, man, but go clear your head and reflect, okay?

He is actually the reason OT1 existed.
Pretty sure he got banned for a YEAR to sort his life out, came back into OT3 and got banned again for just repeating the cycle.

 

[Hypereides]

Edit: I have a question for GAF.

So GAF, I feel like my game is strong except for one area, and that seems to be with the girl's friends. Whenever the girl invites me to a friend's party or some kind of gathering all the guys are automatically not receptive to anything I say are do, and the women kind of herd around each other and give a stare if I want to engage in conversation. Happened quite a few times because everyone feels like I'm intruding on some habitual social gathering. I then proceed to hear a few days later from the girl that her friends find me weird, and in a few weeks uses that to completely break everything off.

It's just so strange to me that you can be having fun with someone for months and one thing is usually used as an excuse. I have an easy time finding women, terrible time getting into their little club.

What do I do?

Just be natural and calm about it.

I have a similiar story when the girl Im seeing atm, recently invited me over to a Bbq thing with her friends (male & female) at her dorms location.

I just naturally and politely introduced myself to all of them by handshake as soon as I met them. Sat down and slowly started to get to know them. Dont force a conversation if its unfit for the situation. Its also/always better if they initiate the conversation or dialogue too.

Avoid awkwardness by staring. Just be cool and laid back and people should get drawn to you.

Just show some good, respectfull mannerisms and etiquette towards her female friends and it should get you far.

If one of her male friends starts to get snappy or sarcastic calmly play it back and/or throw back some sarcastic comment at them. Show them youre not taking disrespectfull behaviour from them. But be confident and relaxed about it.

I liked her female friends, but her male friends were teenage sarcastic dorks. Too immature in my opinion. Managed to put one of them in his place for good when he started to get too sarcastic and disrespectfull.

 

[Klyka]

Man, I hope all you "ugly" bros just wake up one day and stop giving a fuck about women and just live your lives.
Women are just people. How many people do you pass by every day on the street and not give a fuck about? Now tell me why you should give a fuck about all these women who have absolutely no impact on your life.
Live and enjoy, you don't need to force meeting people, you do automatically. And if you don't, who gives a fuck, it's your life, not "yours + someone else".

 

[jaxword]

So I just screwed up big time with a girl who, for once, I was really into...and was so EPICALLY friendzoned that my friends were pitying me on the way home. It was that bad.

However, I'm not looking for sympathy. I am going to start reading over the past 10 pages and start giving advice, because my methods of coping with my own pain is to help others with theirs.

Time to do a few hours of reading posts and offering helpful advice.

 

[Vermillion]

So I just screwed up big time with a girl and was so EPICALLY friendzoned that my friends were pitying me on the way home. It was that bad.

However, I'm not looking for sympathy. I am going to start reading over the past 10 pages and start giving advice, because my methods of coping with my own pain is to help others with theirs.

Time to do a few hours of reading posts and offering helpful advice.

Same, dude.

 

[ZombieFred]

You know, I am going to stick to casual online dating and only go out to bars for social occasions when drinking. I am happy with myself and got no worry that I will find the right one. I am just going to enjoy more time for myself and improve my skills in some areas

 

[Messofanego]

I'll just leave this here as advice for anyone who's written a love confession email (I have), hate or rambling messages bearing your soul out to someone who might not be receptive:

Write it, then Delete it

It's from one of my favorite movies. It's a very therapeutic exercise.

 

[hawkshockey11]

I'll just leave this here as advice for anyone who's written a love confession email (I have), hate or rambling messages bearing your soul out to someone who might not be receptive:

Write it, then Delete it

It's from one of my favorite movies. It's a very therapeutic exercise.

I have a nice solid collection of things I am glad I did not send. It is even embarrassing to read them myself now so I can't imagine what I would feel if I sent them.

 

[gofreak]

I'll just leave this here as advice for anyone who's written a love confession email (I have), hate or rambling messages bearing your soul out to someone who might not be receptive:

Write it, then Delete it

It's from one of my favorite movies. It's a very therapeutic exercise.

Ha. I'll have to remember this one.

I feel even dumber about my situation looking back on an earlier chat I had with this guy...he said straight up when I asked him if he was a good guy 'i hope i am. you have to judge. still getting on track, was in a relationship that broke 4 months ago'.

Still getting on track indeed...I was probably coming on strong ANYWAY, but in these circumstances it would have had a multiplier effect. I just forgot all about those comments given how intimate and free he was in our time together.

I have not contacted him since the last messages on Saturday, but man, I've been tempted on occasion. And now tempted again to just reach out and apologise and tell him I get it now :\ But I won't.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I think it's silly to assume that dating is something limited to "good looking" people. Besides you're not even ugly

Dude you're gonna be fine. Seriously, I dunno how I expected you to look but now I've seen, I'm surprised you have trouble with women at all. If you ever want a brain transplant you can swap with me if you want, lol.

To the guy that was complaining about a girl totally 180ing on him, I know that feel. Met a girl Friday and haven't had a text since. And yes you can sense the disappointment, she didn't even try to hide it and was yawning most of the time!!

 

[Danielsan]

Anyone have experience dating someone who is quite outgoing and loves to party pretty much every weekend, when you yourself really aren't the type to go out every single weekend? Thus far we seem to be a decent match, but I honestly feel like I'm captain boring compared to her.

 

[Tenks]

What I hate the most is when people always ask, "So do you have a girlfriend?" "How are the girls up at [my college]?" "How's it going with the girls?"

Like come on; you know, I know, let's not fool ourselves here.

Tell them you've recently acquired the nickname cunt destroyer and they had to soundproof your dorm room

 

[Slayer-33]

.

Holy shit lol

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Holy shit lol

Tenks always gave me that feel of a guy who will say or do anything on the internet but is timid as hell IRL.

Wasn't he the one who was giving advice back in the old thread to pull your junk out when you meet a girl?

 

[Xun]

If the word is now banned, why not just get it filtered?

Anyway Kinggi, you look good man. Just smile!

 

[Minamu]

If the word is now banned, why not just get it filtered?

Anyway Kinggi, you look good man. Just smile!

You too Me too.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Start following style blogs, make sure your clothing game is right
Force your self to do interesting things you normally wouldnt (give yourself something to talk about). Go out, hit an amusement park, see a play, join a beer pong tournament, whatever!
Work out at least 3-5 times a week. not only does this shape you up, but it literally remedies depression.
Find something to become passionate about if you don't have that already.

THIS.

I started doing this more regularly last week and then I had one of my most successful/fun weekends ever. I have no doubt that on some subconscious level this boosted confidence and carried over into every interaction I had between Thursday and Sunday.

Now I just have to keep it up.

 

[Argyle]

I feel this pain, completely. After a break for the first half of 2011 I have been trying online dating for around about a year. It has been totally useless, I have no trouble talking to women, online or offline. I share your problem of basically not being handsome. I seem to have fallen from the ugly tree. I send women messages and 1 of 3 things happen.

1. They look at my profile and dont reply to me.

2. We chat, she's really interested, she adds my facebook so gets to see more of my pictures and losses interest.

3. We chat, we swap facebooks, she continues to be interested until we meet in real life, then barely hear from them again.

One quick tip IMHO - I would stop doing the bolded.

Maybe everyone else uses Facebook differently but I really only use it with people I know in real life. No, exchanging emails on a dating site does not mean you know them in real life. Save it until you go out on a date (or two or three).

 

[~Kinggi~]

Dude you're gonna be fine. Seriously, I dunno how I expected you to look but now I've seen, I'm surprised you have trouble with women at all. If you ever want a brain transplant you can swap with me if you want, lol.

I feel ugly though most times, mainly cause ive lived my whole life overweight and never took pride in my looks. I was a "nerd" in school and was a social outcast. I dont think im ever gonna like how i look. Plus girls dont actively approach me, and i do smile a lot in public, so i feel there must still be something wrong.

 

[Tansut]

Anyone have experience dating someone who is quite outgoing and loves to party pretty much every weekend, when you yourself really aren't the type to go out every single weekend? Thus far we seem to be a decent match, but I honestly feel like I'm captain boring compared to her.

This is pretty much how I discovered I had a drinking problem, or more accurately that I can't handle a lot of booze very well at all.

I mean I like to go out and have a good time and the occasional party, but she liked to go out a couple times a week, easy. It was kind of exhausting after awhile, and whenever we did spend a night in I kind of relished it.

But all that is totally my own instance and I'm not saying it's going to turn out like that for you at all. Really, if you're able to keep up and both are having fun together, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you really were that boring I doubt she'd bother in the first place.

Now to my own slight problem..

Is there anyway to adjust your friends list on Facebook without blocking people? My ex just stays right there in the middle of my IM list all day everyday, offline or on, because I guess Facebook keeps the people you talk/talked to the most up there.

It's led me to checking her profile every so often (because I'm a glutton for punishment) and a new pic today hit me a little hard. Nothing major, but just seeing a new picture of her is...yeah. I'd rather not defriend her, because eventually someday I'd like to maybe be friends with her, but I can't keep tempting myself to look at her stuff.

Thoughts, GAF?

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I feel ugly though most times, mainly cause ive lived my whole life overweight and never took pride in my looks. I was a "nerd" in school and was a social outcast. I dont think im ever gonna like how i look. Plus girls dont actively approach me, and i do smile a lot in public, so i feel there must still be something wrong.

That's fair enough, I'm not going to argue or tell you how that's wrong, etc because I often get told the same thing and feel exactly the same. I don't like the way I look and it is that negative outlook which has stopped me getting anywhere with girls since about 2009 really. I mean I haven't had a serious relationship for 2 years, and even that only lasted a few months. Its a horrible snow ball effect because the longer I go without finding someone who finds me attractive, the more convinced I am that I'm not good looking. As I've mentioned recently, online dating does you NO favors when you're dealing with this issue because you could look incredible there would STILL be a guy who looks better than you just a few clicks away because that's the nature of the beast. If there was a phrase I would say that describes the attitude of online dating, I would say it is 'Easy come, easy go'. You could get chatting with a girl one day and everything's going well, 5 days later all contact could have stopped, she's moved on to the next and you both never speak again. It's just so extreme and bizarre.

 

[~Kinggi~]

That's fair enough, I'm not going to argue or tell you how that's wrong, etc because I often get told the same thing and feel exactly the same. I don't like the way I look and it is that negative outlook which has stopped me getting anywhere with girls since about 2009 really. I mean I haven't had a serious relationship for 2 years, and even that only lasted a few months. Its a horrible snow ball effect because the longer I go without finding someone who finds me attractive, the more convinced I am that I'm not good looking. As I've mentioned recently, online dating does you NO favors when you're dealing with this issue because you could look incredible there would STILL be a guy who looks better than you just a few clicks away because that's the nature of the beast. If there was a phrase I would say that describes the attitude of online dating, I would say it is 'Easy come, easy go'. You could get chatting with a girl one day and everything's going well, 5 days later all contact could have stopped, she's moved on to the next and you both never speak again. It's just so extreme and bizarre.

Yeah online dating is fucking ridiculous, especially in my area. Honestly i want to stop using it, hasnt gotten me anywhere, but i also dont see me getting anywhere out in public either. You can tell most of the attractive ones are all basically "for sale" looking for high earner that can take them around the world and travel everywhere and go out. Its understandable too cause these girls are probably making a nice living off these sites. Im totally fucked.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Online dating is a last and final resort.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Yeah online dating is fucking ridiculous, especially in my area. Honestly i want to stop using it, hasnt gotten me anywhere, but i also dont see me getting anywhere out in public either. You can tell most of the attractive ones are all basically "for sale" looking for high earner that can take them around the world and travel everywhere and go out. Its understandable too cause these girls are probably making a nice living off these sites. Im totally fucked.

You should first knock off the ridiculous assumptions and judgments of others.

I have had successful relationships with the people I'd consider among the hottest people in my area, and they were all great people who liked me for who I was, not how much I made or what I earned or necessarily how I looked.

If there's ever an assumption to make, it's that attractive women love men with confidence that are actually funny. And making assumptions of everyone's real-life behavior by their posts, it's not unreasonable to come to conclusions about why some people here are failing and why others are succeeding.

 

[Xun]

You too Me too.

Indeed, ha.

Online dating is a last and final resort.

...is that you in your avatar?

You look good man!

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I have had successful relationships with the people I'd consider among the hottest people in my area, and they were all great people who liked me for who I was, not how much I made or what I earned or necessarily how I looked.

That's great and I'm pleased that you don't have any self confidence issues. However, on the flip side, I've met girls that I'd consider hot from my area and I've been put on the scrap heap after getting on really well for weeks before online and via phone conversations purely because I didn't meet expectations in the appearance department..

As for online dating being a last resort, I'd totally agree with that. I've recently changed jobs and still getting to know people socially and a lot of my good friends have been away this year due to university.. I've tried it out as a last resort, its a great way of getting to know genuine people, its just tough to meet genuine people for all the types of people that Kinggi mentioned.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

That's great and I'm pleased that you don't have any self confidence issues. However, on the flip side, I've met girls that I'd consider hot from my area and I've been put on the scrap heap after getting on really well for weeks before online and via phone conversations purely because I didn't meet expectations in the appearance department..

Well of course there's always the idea that you shouldn't be dating outside of your league. I was just speaking in context of Kinggi making assumptions about what the attractive girls are after.

I also have plenty of self-confidence issues that occasionally come out and it's always a Bad Time. Lessons learned and I am much better at not letting my thoughts become my own hurdle to success anymore.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Well of course there's always the idea that you shouldn't be dating outside of your league. I was just speaking in context of Kinggi making assumptions about what the attractive girls are after.

I also have plenty of self-confidence issues that occasionally come out and it's always a Bad Time. Lessons learned and I am much better at not letting my thoughts become my own hurdle to success anymore.

Problem here is mixed messages. Got guys in the thread saying be confident and you will take over the world and then someone else saying stay within your means.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Problem here is mixed messages. Got guys in the thread saying be confident and you will take over the world and then someone else saying stay within your means.

It's unbelievable that that's actually what you're seeing in this thread.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Well of course there's always the idea that you shouldn't be dating outside of your league. I was just speaking in context of Kinggi making assumptions about what the attractive girls are after.

I also have plenty of self-confidence issues that occasionally come out and it's always a Bad Time. Lessons learned and I am much better at not letting my thoughts become my own hurdle to success anymore.

I don't even bother messaging the girls I would assume to be 'out of my league'.

 

[Vermillion]

There's no such thing as "out of your league."

Let the ladies figure out why they won't fuck you - don't do it for them. And don't go for anything less than what you want.

However, be certain that you don't let good opportunities pass you by just because your standards are too high (in case you have that problem).

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

There's no such thing as "out of your league."

Let the ladies figure out why they won't fuck you - don't do it for them. And don't go for anything less than what you want.

However, be certain that you don't let good opportunities pass you by just because your standards are too high (in case you have that problem).

Yeah, I agree. Gotta try or you will never know.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Oh I've tried and its left me in a right mess lol being dropped like a stone or ignored is enough to bring down anyone's self confidence. If I was paid a fiver for every girl I've messaged who visited my profile and never replied, I'd be a very wealthy man by now. I agree with you've got to give it a shot now and again, but there comes a point where enough is enough

 

[bjb]

MiDNiGHTS is that you in your avatar?

If so, what the hell man...