Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Need a little insight.. maybe especially from people who have experience with extended online dating.

Half a year ago, I met a girl while I was on vacation. We just had lunch together with some mutual friends... nothing happened, we just met and that's it. However, back in my country I added her to my Facebook and ever since, we have been messaging each other back and forth. We never met again, because she lives on the other side of the world.

Anyway eventually I started flirting a bit. I started having feelings for her and I think she for me as well. A while ago, I told her I really liked her (she didnt respond), but aside from that, we've never talked about our feelings.

However things have escalated (feelings are implied but not explicitly stated) and she is now planning to visit me soon :) This is a big step for her and it has affirmed my conviction that she likes me a lot. Know that neither of us are looking for a one night stand.. quite the contrary. So this is a serious move... already for the price of the plane ticket alone.

But anyway, as our 'relationship' has grown almost completely online, I'm fearing a bit for what will happen when we actually see each other again. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of extended e-dating? Will it be awkward and will we have to start from scratch a bit when we see each other again? Or is the transition to real dating in your experience a smooth one? I have no idea how I, or she will react to this.

Any tips? How would you handle this?

Plus.. writing is so easy.. you get all the time in the world to say something nice. I only hope she will like the real life version of myself as much as my e-version, haha
 
So I haven't posted in this thread in a quite a long time. Figured I would give you all an update of my time in the dating world, and a bit of bad news.

So I met this girl back in the summer through another friend. We hit it off really well and continued to hang out mainly just meeting up after she got off work at a bar, playing ppol, talking, just overall chilling. My birthday came around in September and she said she I should go out for it, I asked if she wanted to join and she said yes. Well we ended up hooking up that night. But, she had other guys she was interested in so I didn't put this any higher than a one night stand. We continued to hang out and while there was no sex again there was cuddling, kissing, that type of thing. Fast forward to Halloween and I noticed another guy at the party and she was sitting on his lap so I put two and two together and figure they have something going on. Later that week we hang out for her birthday and she asks me point blank if I am "wanting something more". I tell her straight up "I know you weren't looking for anything serious, I know you had other guys you were interested in. If your asking me if I want this to go to the next level then yea, it would be nice. But, if your not looking for that I still enjoy your company and we can keep this strictly as friends." (Side note, it felt very empowering for me to say the "keep it as friends" line) Anyway she said she had been sort of dating the guy who at the Halloween party. I told her I had sort of figured that out from how they were acting around each other. She of course pulled the whole "I always seem to go for these douche-y guys and he hasn't even texted me on my birthday. I'll let you know if anything changes." Basically her trying to take the pain out of the stinger she just put on me. But I knew at that moment I was pretty much 99% friend-zoned. Well, fast forward to this past Friday and I go on FB and see a note in the upper right hand corner saying she was in a relationship with some guy I had never seen before. Not even the one who was at her party. So yea, that was my bit of bad news.

Honestly I wasn't looking for anything this semester and I will have no time for anything next semester due to my internship as a student teacher. So yea, that's that. At least I can strike the "One Night Stand" thing off my list now. I look at this all as a learning experience that will simply make me smarter in the dating world. As Jay-Z says "And I'm on to the next one."

Also, final thought, looking back on how quickly she seemed to switch from guy to guy I seriously question if she was worth starting to date anyway. I of course would put my whole self into keeping the relationship interesting and fun, but I have a sneaking suspicion she would get very flaky, very quickly. I think I dodged a bullet with this one TBH.
 
There is this girl in my university that I'm into. But the problem is she "always" walks around surrounded by 2-3 other chicks. Don't get much of an opportunity to talk with her, also haven't seen her making conversation with other guys much. There was this time that me and her were doing an assignment together when her friends walked into lab and started giving us weird looks. It was an uncomfortable situation lol.

So my guess is that she might not be single? How should I approach this? Should I go straight to her and ask if she's single?
 
No, go straight to her and ask her on a date. If she says "yes", most clues point to single.

Her friends could just be clingy people who don't want to "lose" their friend to a boy. That happens. On both sides of the gender isle.

Just ask her out when you get a chance and see what happens. Don't over complicate it, and don't just flat out ask if she's single. That would likely lead to awkwardness.
 
Hey guys, I'm still having some trouble talking to her ever since I realized I like her. For one thing, we sit close and just sometimes I'm worried I'm bothering her. I mean before, we talk to each other naturally because I don't think about her that way. Plus what we talk about small shit during that time and occasionally slip in something more interesting. I'd like to flirt more subtly with her, but fear of bugging her could turn her away.
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

mal-what.gif
 
Well I'm pretty sure it's over with this girl. The girl is amazing but the situation is too complicated. It was finally brought up seriously and...yeah, it's done. This sucks. I have the shittiest luck with dating, relationships, everything. I'm not even that bad at them, I end up fucked before I get out of the gate.
 
Darklord said:
Well I'm pretty sure it's over with this girl. The girl is amazing but the situation is too complicated. It was finally brought up seriously and...yeah, it's done. This sucks. I have the shittiest luck with dating, relationships, everything. I'm not even that bad at them, I end up fucked before I get out of the gate.
Click to expand...

Don't try so hard, buddy. The vague attempt at wit was what doomed you. Just be yourself and just do it.

On to the next.
 
Cow Mengde said:
Hey guys, I'm still having some trouble talking to her ever since I realized I like her. For one thing, we sit close and just sometimes I'm worried I'm bothering her. I mean before, we talk to each other naturally because I don't think about her that way. Plus what we talk about small shit during that time and occasionally slip in something more interesting. I'd like to flirt more subtly with her, but fear of bugging her could turn her away.
Click to expand...

Eh.. what? 3 weeks ago you were goin on a date with her and she knew you liked her. You're actin like you traveled back in time.
 
bjb said:
So I asked a page or so back if ignoring my Ex over Thanksgiving was a shitty thing to do. Regardless, she has continued to call, text and email me repeatedly. I have still yet to respond. This morning she sent quite a few more texts:

And my mentality remains the same. If she really wanted to work things out, then why wait months to re-contact me. In addition to still spending time with the person (an old friend of mine) that you betrayed me with post break-up.

Sorry for venting, GAF. Shit is just dumb and confusing. I feel as though the real reason she wants to talk is just to keep tabs on my personal life. Having it both ways with the dude I know she's still hanging around.
Click to expand...

Ignore all that shit. She's not being rational. You will find more happiness without her trust me. It will suck for awhile but your life will get so much better.
 
worldrevolution said:
Eh.. what? 3 weeks ago you were goin on a date with her and she knew you liked her. You're actin like you traveled back in time.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but it wasn't a real date. Especially now we're in the Christmas rush and while we end up spending even more time together, we're also both buried up to our necks with work.
 
Cow Mengde said:
Yeah, but it wasn't a real date. Especially now we're in the Christmas rush and while we end up spending even more time together, we're also both buried up to our necks with work.
Click to expand...

What made it not a real date? Everything seems so roundabout and inconvenient with this relationship and your workplace. Why not focus your attention on someone more viable?
 
Okay, so here is the situation. I was at the club Saturday night. Saw an extremely cute girl started talking to her. She looked bored out of her mind, so I offered to buy her shots. She agreed and I got her some, she was extremely nice and bought me a few shots as well. We talked a lot seemed to have a lot in common and got along well. Later on she goes and does her own thing and I don't care and Do my own thing, she comes then later on comes back to the booth and sits next to me, I ask for her number she gives it to me and tells me to remember to include my name in the text making it seem like she is genuinely interested. Here is where I may have fucked up, I tell her I have to leave and gave her a real sloppy kiss on her cheek. Dunno if I sped things up a lil too much but I was drunk. Texted her saying it was a good night and it was nice to meet her that same night. Still to this day no reply. I added her on FB too which may have been a fuck up, good news she hasn't declined it yet, bad news she hasn't accepted either. I really want a chance of a follow up with this girl and I do not want to text her again as I feel that is a lost cause, if she at least accepts my fb request I could message her to hang out this friday.

I feel like the kiss fucked me over and I did everything else right. And the FB friend request. Thoughts?
 
jaxword said:
Well this is a failure/bomb/cockblock/dating disaster/etc. for the record books.

I managed to screw up a date by USING INCORRECT PRONOUNS.



So I go out with this girl and it's going real great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're having fun and it's going real well. She's a fun girl, big on social issues (lesbian, transgender, sexual minority group politics, etc.) and she really feels strongly. Cool, I respect that, I agree with her on several stances.

Later on we meet up with some friends. One of them is a guy wearing a dress. Cool, I'm down, I shake hands and learn all their names. Everyone's getting along.

So the conversation goes on, we're all making jokes, and dress guy makes a joke to my date. She sort of makes a silly face and goes "Huh? I don't get it." And I go "Haha, I think he meant (expands on the joke a bit)."

Suddenly it goes stone cold silent. She just starts glaring at me. The conversation dies off. I don't quite understand, but the group kind of dissipates.

My date is now still cold and distant, a far cry from the flirty girl 30 mins earlier.

So soon she says she has to go and she goes home grumpy. I still don't quite get it.

I check my messages, and a friend who was in the group is texting me.

Shady1:dude
Shady1:dude
Shady1:wtf
jax_ice:yo what's going on, Sheila totally
Shady1:Dude what the fuck were you thinking
jax_ice:ditched me
jax_ice:me?? what did I do
jax_ice:she was totally hkappy an hour ago now she left angry
jax_ice:after we saw you guys
Shady1:holy fuck dude
Shady1:you screwed up
Shady1:you called her a he
jax_ice:what?????
Shady1:you don't use male pronouns fopr transgender people
jax_ice:what did I do wrong
Shady1:you said he
Shady1:Sheila introduced you to her as a she
Shady1:man you know how she really takes that seriously
jax_ice:...
jax_ice:ah fuck
Shady1:yeah man you screwd up
Shady1:sorry man your not getting laid tonight
jax_ice:ewfawtgaerh



So the lesson here is that if your date is really big on social issues and uses extremely specific pronouns,
1. Don't assume it's a crossdresser
2. MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION AND KEEP NOTES AS TO WHICH ONES TO USE or else you'll be going home and playing Assassin's Creed 3 to work off the frustration.
Click to expand...

ilToQiPjuJXfc.gif
 
Moussi said:
Okay, so here is the situation. I was at the club Saturday night. Saw an extremely cute girl started talking to her. She looked bored out of her mind, so I offered to buy her shots. She agreed and I got her some, she was extremely nice and bought me a few shots as well. We talked a lot seemed to have a lot in common and got along well. Later on she goes and does her own thing and I don't care and Do my own thing, she comes then later on comes back to the booth and sits next to me, I ask for her number she gives it to me and tells me to remember to include my name in the text making it seem like she is genuinely interested. Here is where I may have fucked up, I tell her I have to leave and gave her a real sloppy kiss on her cheek. Dunno if I sped things up a lil too much but I was drunk. Texted her saying it was a good night and it was nice to meet her that same night. Still to this day no reply. I added her on FB too which may have been a fuck up, good news she hasn't declined it yet, bad news she hasn't accepted either. I really want a chance of a follow up with this girl and I do not want to text her again as I feel that is a lost cause, if she at least accepts my fb request I could message her to hang out this friday.

I feel like the kiss fucked me over and I did everything else right. And the FB friend request. Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Don't think too much about these things, if she didn't respond to your text then just forget about her and move on to the next girl.
 
I have another date planned, for this Friday. Real cute girl I met a few days ago.

I'm not sure if me and the other girl I went out with are going to work out, as much as I like her. Still trying to figure it out. Shooting in the dark here, we'll see what happens. Excited for Friday, I think we click pretty well. :)
 
Well, I have a 2,5 page, 1298 word long OT4 draft now. It looks a lot shorter in here than I expected.

Are we going with check yo self before you wreck yo self? :P Otherwise "Dont Worry, Be Happy" is pretty fitting :)
 
Minamu said:
Well, I have a 2,5 page, 1298 word long OT4 draft now. It looks a lot shorter in here than I expected.

Are we going with check yo self before you wreck yo self? :P Otherwise "Dont Worry, Be Happy" is pretty fitting :)
Click to expand...

Something like "your happiness begins with you" might be a more eloquent way of putting it.
 
I kind of like that, loona. Yeah anything that implies that you should seek happiness from within before looking for it from without.
 
I think I give up on this whole dating thing. There's a reason why I'm 23 and I've never gone on a date or gotten laid. I'm short and ugly, and there's no way to be confident in yourself when you have zero attractive features.
 
Hey everyone, bit of a lurker here, stepping out a little for some advice.

So I'm of the mind that I need to speak to the girl I'm interested in, to clear the air a little bit between us. The gist of the relationship (if this is relevant to the advice I'm asking for, or even if this encourages some other advice, cool) was that we were roommates, got close, and we got especially close in the week of her moving out. (Her moving out had nothing to do with me.) We also started arguing more in that last week of being roommates, and the next week or two after she moved out. Now things are basically up in the air. I'm 90% she was into me, now it's possible she's moved on. (It's been an up and down and awkward two or so months since our big argument)

Anywho, so now I feel like I'm in the right frame of mind to clear the air about things, and to apologize for some things (namely, getting pretty angry), and I'm trying to go for good timing here. I know it doesn't necessarily increase my chances of a mutual response (I'm sure she's mostly made up her mind by now), but I just want to come to her comfortably and properly. I could just do it over the phone, maybe tonight or tomorrow night. Or in person. She's in DC and I'm a bit outside of it, and my only real option is to drive (as much as I hate driving in DC, which she knows) to meet her. She's usually fairly tired from work and trying to meet up with her during the work week might be inconvenient, so that could push things back to the weekend. I could always just ask like tomorrow or Saturday and let her decide, for example.

Or I can just keep trying to do something with her, and let her say no or yes, but I feel like it's dragging out and also been hard to deal with. She's usually been saying she can't, and freely telling me why (never involving another guy, besides one having a birthday celebration), and implying she would've otherwise.

And if it helps, I'd describe her personality as passive (rather than agressive) and shy (rather than outgoing).
 
maxxpower said:
Well that picture makes me look better than I actually do in real life, I'm pretty sure it's the lighting. I don't really like to shave because I look like a 14 year old when I'm clean shaven and my skin gets irritated as fuck, but thanks for the advice.



I'm 5'7".
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That's a workable height. Just go for girls shorter than you.
 
maxxpower said:
Well that picture makes me look better than I actually do in real life, I'm pretty sure it's the lighting. I don't really like to shave because I look like a 14 year old when I'm clean shaven and my skin gets irritated as fuck, but thanks for the advice.



I'm 5'7".
Click to expand...

Dude, you aren't ugly in the slightest. Trim your beard up a bit, style your hair, and get some good looking/fitting clothes on you and you'll be good to go.

Also, destroy that defeatist attitude. It will literally get you nowhere faster than if you actually were ugly.
 
nocturnedelight said:
Hey everyone, bit of a lurker here, stepping out a little for some advice.

So I'm of the mind that I need to speak to the girl I'm interested in, to clear the air a little bit between us. The gist of the relationship (if this is relevant to the advice I'm asking for, or even if this encourages some other advice, cool) was that we were roommates, got close, and we got especially close in the week of her moving out. (Her moving out had nothing to do with me.) We also started arguing more in that last week of being roommates, and the next week or two after she moved out. Now things are basically up in the air. I'm 90% she was into me, now it's possible she's moved on. (It's been an up and down and awkward two or so months since our big argument)

Anywho, so now I feel like I'm in the right frame of mind to clear the air about things, and to apologize for some things (namely, getting pretty angry), and I'm trying to go for good timing here. I know it doesn't necessarily increase my chances of a mutual response (I'm sure she's mostly made up her mind by now), but I just want to come to her comfortably and properly. I could just do it over the phone, maybe tonight or tomorrow night. Or in person. She's in DC and I'm a bit outside of it, and my only real option is to drive (as much as I hate driving in DC, which she knows) to meet her. She's usually fairly tired from work and trying to meet up with her during the work week might be inconvenient, so that could push things back to the weekend. I could always just ask like tomorrow or Saturday and let her decide, for example.

Or I can just keep trying to do something with her, and let her say no or yes, but I feel like it's dragging out and also been hard to deal with. She's usually been saying she can't, and freely telling me why (never involving another guy, besides one having a birthday celebration), and implying she would've otherwise.

And if it helps, I'd describe her personality as passive (rather than agressive) and shy (rather than outgoing).
Click to expand...

Is the metro not an option for you? If she works in DC, perhaps try asking her to join you for happy hour.
 
Howard Ballou said:
Is the metro not an option for you? If she works in DC, perhaps try asking her to join you for happy hour.
Click to expand...

I actually prefer the metro, but was thinking more so that her house isn't actually close to one, which I guess doesn't really matter for happy hour. I've asked her once before about getting happy hour around there, which was after she moved but before the arguing got bad, and she said she couldn't make it back in time from work.
 
maxxpower said:
I think I give up on this whole dating thing. There's a reason why I'm 23 and I've never gone on a date or gotten laid. I'm short and ugly, and there's no way to be confident in yourself when you have zero attractive features.
Click to expand...

You are definitely not ugly! But such a low opinion of yourself is definitely unattractive. You need to learn to love yourself!

Also 5'7 isn't too bad, plenty of women out there (myself included) who aren't that fussed about guys being tall. I honestly couldn't care less how tall a guy is, there are way more important things than height. Plus it's easier to kiss shorter guys, no need to stand on my tiptoes!
 
BurnOutBrighter said:
Oh come on, he was just explaining that it was a guy wearing a dress, so we'd know it was a transgender person.
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As he learned there's a big fucking difference between "a guy wearing a dress" and a transgender person. Further to that - he's since referred to her as both "he" and "it" outside the context of the story.

I don't think Jax is intentionally being malicious with his usage at all, but he had an opportunity to amend his behavior and perhaps get another shot but with this girl but it seems like it will slip him by.
 
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