• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

2011 NBA Playoffs |OT| Don't Compare Refs to Cigarettes

Status
Not open for further replies.
T

The Stealth Fox

Junior Member
FrenchMovieTheme said:
lol rose destroyed him like 2 weeks ago. can't wait for the bulls to sweep the hawks in the 2nd round (which will happen)
Click to expand...
Kobe would have good games against prime Shane Battier. Can't stop the chuckers.

Fraud Rose is fraud.
 
B

Black Mamba

Member
The Stealth Fox said:
Kobe would have good games against prime Shane Battier. Can't stop the chuckers.

Fraud Rose is fraud.
Click to expand...


Quoting for because you complimented Kobe. On a night he stunk.

Up is officially down.


Celtics being the best because they swept a crappy team. Gee, I wonder how often that turned out great?

Honestly, and I hate saying this, Miami has looked every so slightly better than every team. Their problem is they can't be behind in the final minute, though.
 
dream

dream

Member
So Khloe gets Lamar on speakerphone so she can prove to her idiot Celebrity All Star brother that Lamar didn't call her big. She explains what he read and Lamar says "she's right, I didn't call her big. I said she's not small. Your sister's not...small. I love your sister for being full-figured."

The idiot Celebrity All Star brother smirks because he knows what's up but Khloe seems to accept that.

Lamar heads out to a meeting with Jeannie Buss and Linda Rambis who both fall all over themselves thanking him for the way he's been playing this season and offering their condolences for him not making the All Star Team. Lamar thanks them and promises to do everything he can to get the sixth man award for them. He tells them how much he appreciates them and their organization and they tell him how sweet he is and how much they love him. That's the entire scene. Seriously.
 
L

LiveFromKyoto

Member
dream said:
Okay, main event time.

Khloe has OCD (not the good Ray Allen kind) and likes to keep a clean home. Lamar, on the other hand, is a total slob. So while Lamar is off on a road trip, Khloe decides to clean up his shit. Khloe starts with Lamar's car and finds a SHAKE WEIGHT. Being a proper lady, Khloe has no idea what it is so her idiot Celebrity All Star brother demonstrates it for her. Khloe notices he is exceptionally skilled at working a Shake Weight and attributes it to all the time he spends alone in his bedroom. The idiot Celebrity All Star brother doesn't like that and suggests that Khloe could spend some time learning how to work out because she is getting flabby.

Lamar and the idiot brother then order pizza and make a mess while eating it. Khloe walks over to the kitchen to give Lamar the papers for his "Miami house" (dun dun dun?) and is appalled by the mess the two of them made. Lamar just grins at her, fully expecting her to clean it up because of her OCD. An angry Khloe refuses to clean up their mess and walks out.

The next day, Khloe returns from doing her grocery shopping and the idiot brother is chilling on the couch, reading a quote from Lamar about Khloe on some web site.

Khloe: "Oh yeah? What does it say?"
Idiot Brother: "It's just saying how he calls you, like, big."
Khloe: "Robert, he doesn't call me big!"
Idiot Brother: "No, it says like Khloe's not small." (with an accompanying shot of the quote)
Khloe: "So when did he call me big? THAT'S NOT WHAT HE MEANT!"

Khloe then explains that she's happy with her weight and proud she hasn't done anything unhealthy to lose weight because her weight doesn't define who she is. You know, things a big girl says to justify her chub. But clearly this is bothering her because she decides to call Lamar and confront him...
Click to expand...

I like how the sequence of events makes this obviously not scripted.
 
S

seattle6418

Member
Black Mamba said:
Quoting for because you complimented Kobe. On a night he stunk.

Up is officially down.


Celtics being the best because they swept a crappy team. Gee, I wonder how often that turned out great?

Honestly, and I hate saying this, Miami has looked every so slightly better than every team. Their problem is they can't be behind in the final minute, though.
Click to expand...

Miami, Thunder and Celtics are all playing better right now.

I "hope" the Lakers can get back to playing good basketball, then things will be fine.

Just a shame one scrub will come out of the Bulls - Hawks series and take a spot in the conference finals. It should be Celtics and Heat there.

As for the west, hopefully things get back to reality and only the Grizz upset the Spurzzz.
 
B

Black Mamba

Member
Now that CP3 has turned in another great performance, I'm going to say something should have said 2 months ago.


Chris Paul is the best PG since Magic Johnson. And I believed that before this series.

dIEHARD gonna be mad when he reads this, but it's true.


Miami, Thunder and Celtics are all playing better right now
Click to expand...

Playing harder, yes. But even though the Thunder are up 3-0, they have played terrible. Denver has simply outcrapped em. Boston got a crap series so it's impossible to know what's going on.
 
S

SamuraiX-

Member
masud said:
Seriously? The Celtics? lols
Click to expand...

Yeah.

You know. The Senior Sunday Group that just swept you guys? It only happened this afternoon. Surely you can't be that forgetful.

Here, maybe you need a reminder:
phpV2jyRq_thumb_SweepBoston.jpg
 
D

Darkman M

Member
Black Mamba said:
Now that CP3 has turned in another great performance, I'm going to say something should have said 2 months ago.


Chris Paul is the best PG since Magic Johnson. And I believed that before this series.

dIEHARD gonna be mad when he reads this, but it's true.




Playing harder, yes. But even though the Thunder are up 3-0, they have played terrible. Denver has simply outcrapped em. Boston got a crap series so it's impossible to know what's going on.
Click to expand...
It was written
 
dream

dream

Member
When Lamar and Jamie get home, the place is a mess and Lamar figures Khloe just left shit everywhere to get back at him. Unfortunately, Khloe didn't consider the fact that Lamar is a slob who thrives on living in filth and this mess doesn't bother him at all.

Khloe decides to step her game up and, along with her bestie, she formulates a plan to screw
crank
the mess up. The girl takes all of Lamar's toiletries and dumps that shit everywhere. She dips a tampon in cranberry juice and leaves it in the toilet for Lamar to discover.

Khloe's "house manager" (????) tells her she has a call -- it's her mother (whom she affectionately calls "Satan"). She tells Khloe she's unhappy with the way she's been portraying herself in the media as of late and wants to take a meeting to discuss what Khloe is doing to the Kardashian brand. Khloe is confused and asks "Satan" to elaborate. "Satan" tells her she feels like Khloe doesn't care and she wishes Khloe wouldn't talk about "how many cookies she's eating."

Khloe: "Are you saying I'm fat and I'm fucking up your shit?"
Satan: "Not...not exactly in those words, Khloe."
Khloe: "MOM! WHAT THE FUCK! HONESTLY! I'M TOO FUCKING FAT ALL THE TIME I'M TOO FUCKING THIS I'M TOO FUCKING THAT! DO YOU WANT ME TO GET PREGNANT (???) DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE WEIGHT? YOU SAY THINGS THAT ARE SO FUCKING MEAN AND IT'S HURTFUL SO SORRY THAT I'M RUINING YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BRAND I'M SO SORRY I'LL GO BE BULIMIC AND ANOREXIC THANK YOU BYE."

Khloe hangs up on her mother and I start to understand why she calls her "Satan."
 
B

Black Mamba

Member
dream said:
words that would make my head hurt should i read them
Click to expand...


Dream, dude. There's got to be something better to do than watch that show. Come on, now. Another TV show? Wanking it? Jumping off a bridge? Something has to be a time better spent than watching Khloe and Lamar.

Kidd, Nash, Payton? CP3 needs a few more seasons of solid play, but yeah, he'll finish right there (or higher).
Click to expand...

Kidd can't shoot and Nash can't defend. Of course those 3 have had better careers. I'm just talking about as an individual talent.

If I had to pick 1 PG at his peak since Magic, I'd take CP3 just over The Glove.
 
G

giri

Member
dream said:
When Lamar and Jamie get home, the place is a mess and Lamar figures Khloe just left shit everywhere to get back at him. Unfortunately, Khloe didn't consider the fact that Lamar is a slob who thrives on living in filth and this mess doesn't bother him at all.

Khloe decides to step her game up and, along with her bestie, she formulates a plan to screw
crank
the mess up. The girl takes all of Lamar's toiletries and dumps that shit everywhere. She dips a tampon in cranberry juice and leaves it in the toilet for Lamar to discover.

Khloe's "house manager" (????) tells her she has a call -- it's her mother (whom she affectionately calls "Satan"). She tells Khloe she's unhappy with the way she's been portraying herself in the media as of late and wants to take a meeting to discuss what Khloe is doing to the Kardashian brand. Khloe is confused and asks "Satan" to elaborate. "Satan" tells her she feels like Khloe doesn't care and she wishes Khloe wouldn't talk about "how many cookies she's eating."

Khloe: "Are you saying I'm fat and I'm fucking up your shit?"
Satan: "Not...not exactly in those words, Khloe."
Khloe: "MOM! WHAT THE FUCK! HONESTLY! I'M TOO FUCKING FAT ALL THE TIME I'M TOO FUCKING THIS I'M TOO FUCKING THAT! DO YOU WANT ME TO GET PREGNANT (???) DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE WEIGHT? YOU SAY THINGS THAT ARE SO FUCKING MEAN AND IT'S HURTFUL SO SORRY THAT I'M RUINING YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BRAND I'M SO SORRY I'LL GO BE BULIMIC AND ANOREXIC THANK YOU BYE."

Khloe hangs up on her mother and I start to understand why she calls her "Satan."
Click to expand...
To be fair, Khloe's as much a manipulative cunt as her mother.


Black Mamba said:
Dream, dude. There's got to be something better to do than watch that show. Come on, now. Another TV show? Wanking it? Jumping off a bridge? Something has to be a time better spent than watching Khloe and Lamar.
Click to expand...

i would totally watch the show :(
 
N

Nelo Ice

Banned
M

masud

Banned
SamuraiX- said:
Yeah.

You know. The Senior Sunday Group that just swept you guys? It only happened this afternoon. Surely you can't be that forgetful.

Here, maybe you need a reminder:
phpV2jyRq_thumb_SweepBoston.jpg
Click to expand...
Yeah I did need a reminder because I didnt even watch the game. Im sorry am I supposed to be sad about a series that I called a sweep from jump (when I thought the knicks would be at full stength)? The celtics looked like crap against us. They almost lost to a team with jarred jeffries and anthony carter getting major burn (twice). The heat gon get in that ass in the 2nd round...
 
B

Black Mamba

Member
KEVIN DING
Kobe said it is foot that hurts and is swollen besides ankle, but he said he has played through so many such injuries he expects to again.
Click to expand...


KEVIN DING
After joking, "I don't know what you're talking about" in reference to crutches, Kobe did use them to go from locker room to team bus.
Click to expand...


He'll play. banged up. Might be best for him to sit. Team might get going on offense without him.
 
dream

dream

Member
The Kardashian Klan heads out to a launch party for their newest venture, the GlamPak SillyBandz, little rubber friendship bracelets for kids. The 3 sisters are thrilled at being able to see each other after being apart for an unspecified amount of time and try to catch up at the launch party. Unfortunately, just as they're getting into a rhythm, "Satan" arrives with her own BFF/assistant. Khloe says "hi gorgeous!" and blows a series of puckery kisses to her mother's BFF/assistant while giving her mom the cold shoulder. Mama is in disbelief, forcing a smile and asking "are you ignoring me? You're ignoring me." Khloe tells her "you and I aren't really friends at the moment" and "Satan" responds, "we are friends and you can't ignore me at an event." In response, Khloe grabs her 3 sisters for a "menage-a-hug." Khloe's mother, in turn, points out she's wearing Kim and Kourtney's GlamPak SillyBandz and removes Khloe's, leaving it on Khloe's shoulder because "I don't want to wear it anymore." I need a cigarette.

Lamar gets home and sees the ubermess Khloe left for him. He looks at the kitchen sink and wretches at what he discovers.

Lamar: "Are those pubic hairs?"
Idiot Brother: "Those aren't puny hairs, bro."
Lamar: "PUBIC."
Idiot Brother: "why you touching it bro?"

Lamar finds the tampon in the toilet and FISHES IT OUT WITH HIS BARE HANDS TO EXAMINE IT before flushing it.

Khloe has some time to kill after her launch party and, remembering she has a photo shoot later in the week, she decides to go work out. At Richard Simmons' gym.

I am watching a montage of Richard Simmons teaching a class that Khloe and her BFF/assistant are participating in.

Fuck me.
 
N

Nelo Ice

Banned
Black Mamba said:
He'll play. banged up. Might be best for him to sit. Team might get going on offense without him.
Click to expand...

i kinda want him to sit if it could be serious since id rather have him rest 1 game than risk losing him for the rest of the playoffs
 
E

exarkun

Member
The Stealth Fox said:
Advanced metrics show that I only troll 50% of the time.
Click to expand...

First time you made me laugh in a while, thought you were losing your touch.

And CP3 is on a whole nother level. Though to say he is the best pg in the playoffs is saying alot, cause Kidd turned back the clock for two games against a decent defense.

That, and Landry has been playing well against the Lakers for this team. When he was in Houston there were questions about his defense and propensity to shoot the J with other options open, but he's been playing good all around ball lately.

Finally, for the lakers fans, just cause I'm nice, I'm gonna say this game isn't all that bad of a loss. Laker's played concentrated good basketball for two games (excusing a certain PF) and its just hard to keep that kind of concentration up. Look at the Celtics. They haven't played nearly as clean for most of the series, its just that the Knicks turned into Melo+gimpy Stat+really bad scrubs. On that note, the Knicks are terribad.
 
dream

dream

Member
Lamar is so soft. When Khloe gets home, he tells her what he discovered in the toilet and tells her he had to touch it to figure out what it was and he's done. He knows she's not messy. He knows she's neat because she's his baby and he loves her so very much.

Khloe: "I'm not neat. I'm messy! I'm messy like my baby! I love you so much I want to be just like you!"

I think that means the war is over.

The next day, Khloe and Lamar head out to a studio for their photo shoot. They ask for a shot of Lamar with his arms around her waist and Khloe vetoes it because she thinks it will make her look pregnant (wouldn't his arms hide her stomach?). Lamar tries to tell her she looks wonderful but she doesn't want to hear it and tells him she doesn't even want to see the pictures until they've been Photoshopped. Lamar gets all QB and says "dats yo head, dats yo head girl."

They get home later that night and Lamar tries to comfort her by being all grabby and touchy. She tells him not to touch her thighs and walks into the kitchen to discover plates of food Lamar left out. Khloe explodes and tells Lamar she can't live like this. Lamar tells her it's just because he's used to having a maid which sets Khloe off because now she thinks Lamar married her so he'd have free maid service. Khloe slumps down in the corner and breaks down. Lamar apologizes and tells her he'll clean the kitchen but Khloe tells him "it's not about the kitchen, it's about me being SO FUCKING FAT!"

Lamar sits down on the floor and cradles Khloe gently and lets her get it all out of her system. Being soft and understanding, Lamar knows exactly what to say -- nothing at all. He holds Khloe and lets her vent and vent and vent. Finally, he tells her she can't listen to what everybody says about her. He doesn't listen to what everyone says. "They tell me I have a little dick but I don't care."

He then tells her how beautiful she is and asks her to smile. Having been comforted and reassured, she manages to find her smile and gives Lamar a gentle, loving kiss. She tells him she loves him and not to clean because he can't clean like she does. Lamar tells her he's going to try anyway. Then he farts. Khloe tries to crawl away from the stench as the episode comes to a close.

I'm going to go pound nails in my skull.
 
J

jordan0386

Member
Finally, he tells her she can't listen to what everybody says about her. He doesn't listen to what everyone says. "They tell me I have a little dick but I don't care."
Click to expand...

He didnt say that and let it get edited in. No way, no how.
 
P

punkypine

Member
SamuraiX- said:
How the fuck does one move "fairly well" when you're on crutches?

da fuck?
Click to expand...
probably just a precaution. my guess is that the doctor/trainers had him walk around a bit, said he'll probably be alright but to keep weight off of it, so he could either get a wheelchair, hop on one foot, or use crutches
 
dream

dream

Member
Yes, Lamar really said that. Lamar also really farted.

I know how this shit sounds but I'm really not exaggerating or embellishing any of it. This is your sixth man of the year, Lamar Odom.
 
D

diehard

Fleer
Black Mamba said:
Now that CP3 has turned in another great performance, I'm going to say something should have said 2 months ago.


Chris Paul is the best PG since Magic Johnson. And I believed that before this series.

dIEHARD gonna be mad when he reads this, but it's true.
Click to expand...
why would i be mad about something dumb that is said in here, it happens constantly.
 
B

Black Mamba

Member
numble said:
It's getting more and more theatrical. Just look at Bron's chalk throwing and the stupid fake pictures he did before every game last year. And this year's dunk contest.

The way things are headed, predictions about the NBA in 2044 were right:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEqp3tN7muE
Click to expand...

eh, it's just medical sense, not theatrics. Foot swollen, don't put pressure on it. Ankle turned, immobilize it with the boot. Getting a wheelchair for a shoulder injury is not the same time as turning an ankle and then taking smart steps to minimize problems.

The media's portrayal is the problem.
 
dream

dream

Member
Look, this is a league where Dwyane Wade threatens to sit out when he has headaches and Amare Stoudemire gets an achy back when he showboats during warmups and uses it to hold the media hostage with countless "Will Amare 'Willis Reed' Stoudemire play or not?" stories over the next few days. If someone gets badly injured and returns to the game, they are a hero and should be celebrated as such.
 
S

snack

Member
Magic Johnson : There's Michael Jordan, and then there is the rest of us.

Jerry Sloan : He (Jordan) should be remembered as the greatest player who ever played the game.

Chuck Daly : Jordan is so good he is literally embarrassing the league.

Kobe Bryant : I dont think it is fair when they compare guys like me and Bron to Jordan because he is the greatest.

Scottie Pippen: When you talk about Michael Jordan you are talking about the greatest basketball player we have ever seen.
 
H

Herpes Reasons

Banned
snack said:
Magic Johnson : There's Michael Jordan, and then there is the rest of us.

Jerry Sloan : He (Jordan) should be remembered as the greatest player who ever played the game.

Chuck Daly : Jordan is so good he is literally embarrassing the league.

Kobe Bryant : I dont think it is fair when they compare guys like me and Bron to Jordan because he is the greatest.

Scottie Pippen: When you talk about Michael Jordan you are talking about the greatest basketball player we have ever seen.
Click to expand...
you put michael in the 80's and i guarantee you he wouldn't even sniff top 10 greatest ever.
let's add another factor, you take out pippen and add another top 50 of all time and surely jordan again wouldn't sniff top 10 of all time.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

  • Locked
2011 NBA Playoffs |OT2| Love Jesus or I'll cut you
399 400 401 402 403
20K
514K
Blackace replied
2013-14 NBA Oct-Nov Season |OT| They can't hide the championship banners Forever
376 377 378 379 380
19K
631K
reilo replied
  • Locked
Official 2011 MLB Thread v.2: The Mets are terrible.
400 401 402 403 404
20K
607K
Enron replied
  • Locked
Kobe Bryant slinging homophobic slur during nationally televised NBA game
58 59 60 61 62
3K
124K
Rorschach replied
  • Locked
2011 NBA Mar |OT| Now listening to the Stan Van Gundy mixtape
415 416 417 418 419
21K
497K
Zeke replied
Top Bottom