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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Z

ZackieChan

Member
kopitarrulez_11 said:
So a girl I'm talking to sent me a snap selfie and I didn't say she looked good I just snapped a selfie of myself. Was she testing me? Just a heads up we aren't dating yet I havent fully asked her out yet but we have hung out about 5 times.
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What?
You're literally making up reasons for her to be upset with you. I think that taking your own selfie shows confidence. I do that shit all the time - it says "you think you're hot? Look at this!"

Ask her on a date now.

Advocatus Diaboli said:
None of this is helping you.

Go to therapy. (I'm in therapy. Everyone should be in therapy.)

This thread is about concrete solutions to discrete problems. Zackie's point stands. If you haven't made any progress in 6 months, that's on you. Set achievable, smaller goals; work towards them. We'd absolutely happy to help with that. But we're not going to indulge passive aggressive commentary (which won't actually make you feel better, anyway).
Click to expand...

Yeah. Mediking, you were here asking advice, I believe, forever ago. Or maybe it was just you lamenting your virginity over and over again. Either way, we are here to help. You mentioned all these older married women at work thinking you're cute. Fuck that. You gotta make some moves, my brother. Read the OP. Read Models. Then come back with questions.
 
K

kopitarrulez_11

Member
ZackieChan said:
What?
You're literally making up reasons for her to be upset with you. I think that taking your own selfie shows confidence. I do that shit all the time - it says "you think you're hot? Look at this!"

Ask her on a date now.
Click to expand...
I did send a selfie back so we are good on that term I'm just trying see if she was trying to see if I'm intrested. I'm all new to this if you can't tell hahahaha
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Mediking said:
I'm totally a huge stud. Women just seem to love me. I can't keep them away from me, y'know?

....

I totally don't have a confidence problem or self-doubt problem when it comes to not being good enough for someone... ha...not me....
Click to expand...

Self depreciation is really unattractive to women, you might have been sabotaging your chances in trying to mask a lack of confidence.
 
V

vypek

Member
always crazy bacon said:
Self depreciation is really unattractive to women, you might have been sabotaging your chances in trying to mask a lack of confidence.
Click to expand...

Yeah, unless you can portray self deprecation in a very comedic way or balance it with some high amounts of confidence, self deprecation is a really unattractive trait in people.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
gaiages said:
Really bro? Really?

I, I don't even know how to respond to this... Like, why would you even think that? People take selfies all the friggin time, why would this selfie be a test over all the others
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Gal really? Women send selfies in that way to guys becuse they are fishing for compliments. In the same way they'll post a picture of themselves looking good but saying "I look so terrible and unattractive today" knowing they'll get loads of compliments from guys and U OK HUN? From women.

Context, not the fact it's a selfie.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
always crazy bacon said:
Gal really? Women send selfies in that way to guys becuse they are fishing for compliments. In the same way they'll post a picture of themselves looking good but saying "I look so terrible and unattractive today" knowing they'll get loads of compliments from guys and U OK HUN? From women.

Context, not the fact it's a selfie.
Click to expand...

But I don't know the context other than like 99% of Snapchat is selfies! :( Then again, I can't tell if the selfie was sent specifically to him, or posted to her... story? Wall? Whatever. so I might have missed something in there... hellofellowkids.jpg

But yeah, I know loads of people (and especially women) do shit like that, it's like my #1 pet peeve. But from the guy's comment it didn't immediately seem like that, it just seemed like he was immediately jumping to an unhealthy mindset of thinking he's being tested for stuff.
 
K

kopitarrulez_11

Member
gaiages said:
But I don't know the context other than like 99% of Snapchat is selfies! :( Then again, I can't tell if the selfie was sent specifically to him, or posted to her... story? Wall? Whatever. so I might have missed something in there... hellofellowkids.jpg

But yeah, I know loads of people (and especially women) do shit like that, it's like my #1 pet peeve. But from the guy's comment it didn't immediately seem like that, it just seemed like he was immediately jumping to an unhealthy mindset of thinking he's being tested for stuff.
Click to expand...
I will add that it was not on the snap story sorry I should of specified that so I'm assuming it was only sent to me
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
You fucked it up my dude.

She's already sent that snap to a dozen other guys who responded properly and passed the test. Move on, hit the gym and better luck next time.
 
L

Leeness

Member
gaiages said:
But I don't know the context other than like 99% of Snapchat is selfies! :( Then again, I can't tell if the selfie was sent specifically to him, or posted to her... story? Wall? Whatever. so I might have missed something in there... hellofellowkids.jpg.
Click to expand...

Don't worry, I can't figure out Snapchat for the life of me either. Like...I don't get it, the interface is super ugly, just...what.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
kopitarrulez_11 said:
I will add that it was not on the snap story sorry I should of specified that so I'm assuming it was only sent to me
Click to expand...

Ah okay.

I still don't think jumping to the testing conclusion is the best idea, but I guess you'll see depending on her reactions, just don't overreact to them ;D

Leeness said:
Don't worry, I can't figure out Snapchat for the life of me either. Like...I don't get it, the interface is super ugly, just...what.
Click to expand...

I'm so behind the times. I just got on Instagram recent and everything. Keeping up with the cool kids is a struggle lol
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Mediking said:
I'm totally a huge stud. Women just seem to love me. I can't keep them away from me, y'know?

....

I totally don't have a confidence problem or self-doubt problem when it comes to not being good enough for someone... ha...not me....
Click to expand...

Well if you dont pose a problem or ask for help how exactly can anyone advise you. Lack of self confidence is something that can be worked on but not if you mope about it instead of seeking council.

Leeness said:
Don't worry, I can't figure out Snapchat for the life of me either. Like...I don't get it, the interface is super ugly, just...what.
Click to expand...

I dunno. Interface is pretty simple imo. Just snap interesting things. I went to a basketball game. Snapped that. Went on a hike, take a snap. I find it far more engaging than instagram since its what someone is currently doing
 
L

Leeness

Member
gaiages said:
I'm so behind the times. I just got on Instagram recent and everything. Keeping up with the cool kids is a struggle lol
Click to expand...

I've had an instagram for a couple of years since I took a trip, but it use it pretty basically ("here is my cat", "a nice vista or something").

Gotdatmoney said:
I dunno. Interface is pretty simple imo. Just snap interesting things. I went to a basketball game. Snapped that. Went on a hike, take a snap. I find it far more engaging than instagram since its what someone is currently doing
Click to expand...

It's the swipe right for some things but maybe up for some other things oh you can swipe down and that has something and left is like maybe a chat or friends but idk that really annoys me haha. I don't take any pictures with it, I don't look at other peoples', I only keep it because my sister sends me pictures sometimes. hellofellowkids.jpg
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Leeness said:
It's the swipe right for some things but maybe up for some other things oh you can swipe down and that has something and left is like maybe a chat or friends but idk that really annoys me haha. I don't take any pictures with it, I don't look at other peoples', I only keep it because my sister sends me pictures sometimes. hellofellowkids.jpg
Click to expand...

Ah. Yeah that shit is pretty dumb. If you just stick to snap and send its pretty easy. The filters and settings and stuff are needlessly complex and have gotten worse with each update.

Yeah, if you dont snap and dont look at other peoples it can be kinda pointless. I personally love it though. Snap and Insta are bascically my main social media. I have facebook but I am just the annoying person who only uses it for sports lol
 
P

Peltz

Member
Krauser Kat said:
I am too hyped from my date last night. Time to play it cool.
Click to expand...

Never play it cool. Be hyped. I'm not kidding.

Playing it cool is never a good idea. If your enthusiastic about things, then be enthusiastic about things. Don't be afraid to show it.

This doesn't mean you should buy her flowers and text her every 5 minutes. But when you do chat with her, it's not a bad thing to tell her how much you enjoyed her company and how excited you are to see her again.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
always crazy bacon said:
Communal nudes she sends to lots of guys no doubt. Always amazing me that these girls have a folder of nudes for distribution on thier phones.
Click to expand...

This is . . . I dunno man, you seem overly pessimistic bout this. Like who cares if it's communal? Why even think about that?

LucidMomentum said:
But yeah, Snapchat is basically for nudes and ego stroking.
Click to expand...

Snapchat is social media so yeah there is an aspect of ego. But its also fun to see what people are up to or the cool stuff they are currently doing. You guys make it sound so self absorbed.
 
G

GrizzNKev

Banned
Based on the following things, how confident should I be in a success when I ask this girl out tonight?

At school:
Tuesday - called out to me to wait up for her after walking out of a club meeting. Ended up turning into an hour+ conversation.

At a state conference for our club's organization:
Saturday - Sat next to me for the first half of the day. Invited me to bail with her during a boring speaker, we walked around outside together and talked for a while. Change of venue, she arrived last and the seating was split up. She messaged me to go sit next to her, which I did. At one point the did the "I'm tired" and leaned her head on my shoulder briefly. Talked for a few hours over Facebook chat that night.

Sunday - Sat together for everything again. Invited to bail for another half hour or so, which we did. Sat together at dinner, after which she noted catching herself being more open with me than she normally would be. Talked for several hours over Facebook again that night.

Miscellaneous:
- She calls me Kev instead of Kevin.
- I haven't reciprocated her apparent level of interest because the last time something like this happened I was dead wrong and it got messy.
- She was hit on by another guy during the conference, but at Sunday's dinner she very deliberately showed me all of her Facebook conversations from the weekend and told me she was trying to ignore the guy so he'd leave her alone.

How is it looking? Have I waited too long or given her the wrong message by not making a move right away?
 
L

LucidMomentum

Member
GrizzNKev said:
How is it looking? Have I waited too long or given her the wrong message by not making a move right away?
Click to expand...

Just ask her out already.

You won't know for sure until you do, but it seems she likes you.

Bread said:
it's very immature of you to get excited over a nude female body, grow up.
Click to expand...

But I like cute butts.

always crazy bacon said:
Stock image nudes at that. It's not the 80's anymore millions of nudes on the internet now. Are guys still that thirsty?
Click to expand...

What. If a girl sends me nudes that's a-ok by me. Dunnow if that's being thirsty.

There's something special about someone sending them to you versus just looking at porn on the internet. Cleary you understand that distinction.
 
C

Count Dookkake

Member
always crazy bacon said:
Stock image nudes at that. It's not the 80's anymore millions of nudes on the internet now. Are guys still that thirsty?
Click to expand...

Ok. I get that you have some angle here, but you do realize that some of us know people in the real world? Like we've met someone in meatspace and then exchange social media info? Who is talking about getting pics from strangers? I haven't fallen for that since the days of AOL and it happened exactly once. I don't need to touch a hot stove more than that.

In general, if you have a sermon you'd like to deliver, it works best if the post you respond to bears some similarity to the thing you are talking about.
 
D

Disxo

Member
Snapchat is just made to post neat stuff you do on a daily basis(Ego stuff). I dont use it for nudes, none I know do.
 
P

Peltz

Member
GrizzNKev said:
Based on the following things, how confident should I be in a success when I ask this girl out tonight?

At school:
Tuesday - called out to me to wait up for her after walking out of a club meeting. Ended up turning into an hour+ conversation.

At a state conference for our club's organization:
Saturday - Sat next to me for the first half of the day. Invited me to bail with her during a boring speaker, we walked around outside together and talked for a while. Change of venue, she arrived last and the seating was split up. She messaged me to go sit next to her, which I did. At one point the did the "I'm tired" and leaned her head on my shoulder briefly. Talked for a few hours over Facebook chat that night.

Sunday - Sat together for everything again. Invited to bail for another half hour or so, which we did. Sat together at dinner, after which she noted catching herself being more open with me than she normally would be. Talked for several hours over Facebook again that night.

Miscellaneous:
- She calls me Kev instead of Kevin.
- I haven't reciprocated her apparent level of interest because the last time something like this happened I was dead wrong and it got messy.
- She was hit on by another guy during the conference, but at Sunday's dinner she very deliberately showed me all of her Facebook conversations from the weekend and told me she was trying to ignore the guy so he'd leave her alone.

How is it looking? Have I waited too long or given her the wrong message by not making a move right away?
Click to expand...

You're missing the point. If you need to ask whether you should feel confident, you already have the wrong mindset. Your thought process should instead be:

"I'm going to ask this girl out and who gives a fuck if she says no." Stop being afraid of rejection. Just fucking ask already. You mentioning her calling you Kev instead of Kevin or whether she is being open with you is honestly dumb and not anything GAF can interpret for you.

If you want to know whether a girl likes you, don't ask us. Just find out from the girl directly.
 
A

AdanVC

Member
Well, last night the girl I meet from tinder and had a big crush on said she needs some time off because it's tired and not ready for a relationship. She felt she's too inmature to hold a relationship properly despite being 20 years old, I'm 26. The worst thing is that this is the second time she said this... the first time was 2 months ago because of the very same reason: "being tired and busy as heck with school to the point of being obsessed with it and not having time for anything else" Not having time not even for herself. I respected her decision and all fine, it was honestly a big relief to me because I was anxious all the time trying to chat with her only so she ghosted me... but then she call me back again crying the next day saying she regret her decision and wanted to come back with me. I made the mistake of saying "ok" and apparently all went fine... but only for a week or so. We went out, we kissed lots, all that nice jazz. All went downhill from there, she begin ghosting me again to the point of deleting her facebook profile several times without explanation and when she finally had the amability to answer my messages, she only said "sorry I'm crazy mad with school! I had to delete my fb for some days to not get distracted!" I was trying to understand but also my patience was running out, getting even more anxious just by thinking about her to the point of not getting stuff done at work and at home.

Last night I saw her online on whatsapp and I send her a message and it's when she said her final words. Saying that there's no reason to continue together if she cannot be with me because she is always mad busy. I should add that she was always depressed and despite my maximum effort of supporting her, she kept being all sad and depressed and that honestly was draining my life out of my pores because I also suffer from depression and anxiety so I'm kinda glad it's all over with her. Supposedly, we're still going to stay in touch just like another random contact on your friend list to talk every now and then but ha! We barely talked now, what makes us think we're going to talk later on? I swear I have the worst luck with girls. The worst thing is that I stopped talking to several nice and kind girls I recently meet from Tinder just to stick with this one and now nothing, nobody... all lonely again since I don't even have friends to talk about this. I'm done with Tinder and chatting and meeting girls online.
 
A

animax

Member
GrizzNKev said:
Based on the following things, how confident should I be in a success when I ask this girl out tonight?
Click to expand...

Doesn't matter what we think, ask her out and find out! Don't delay any longer, she has already (seemingly) given you plenty of opportunities.

If she says no, at least then you can stop wasting your time and move on.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
AdanVC said:
Well, last night the girl I meet from tinder and had a big crush on said she needs some time off because it's tired and not ready for a relationship. She felt she's too inmature to hold a relationship properly despite being 20 years old, I'm 26. The worst thing is that this is the second time she said this... the first time was 2 months ago because of the very same reason: "being tired and busy as heck with school to the point of being obsessed with it and not having time for anything else" Not having time not even for herself. I respected her decision and all fine, it was honestly a big relief to me because I was anxious all the time trying to chat with her only so she ghosted me... but then she call me back again crying the next day saying she regret her decision and wanted to come back with me. I made the mistake of saying "ok" and apparently all went fine... but only for a week or so. We went out, we kissed lots, all that nice jazz. All went downhill from there, she begin ghosting me again to the point of deleting her facebook profile several times without explanation and when she finally had the amability to answer my messages, she only said "sorry I'm crazy mad with school! I had to delete my fb for some days to not get distracted!" I was trying to understand but also my patience was running out, getting even more anxious just by thinking about her to the point of not getting stuff done at work and at home.

Last night I saw her online on whatsapp and I send her a message and it's when she said her final words. Saying that there's no reason to continue together if she cannot be with me because she is always mad busy. I should add that she was always depressed and despite my maximum effort of supporting her, she kept being all sad and depressed and that honestly was draining my life out of my pores because I also suffer from depression and anxiety so I'm kinda glad it's all over with her. Supposedly, we're still going to stay in touch just like another random contact on your friend list to talk every now and then but ha! We barely talked now, what makes us think we're going to talk later on? I swear I have the worst luck with girls. The worst thing is that I stopped talking to several nice and kind girls I recently meet from Tinder just to stick with this one and now nothing, nobody... all lonely again since I don't even have friends to talk about this. I'm done with Tinder and chatting and meeting girls online.
Click to expand...

I don't understand how one bad experience would swear you off Tinder, especially as you said you were talking to other people before this one and they didn't seem bad at all.

But, this is a good lesson here. You got overinvested in a flaky person, and put all your eggs in one hole filled basket. Now you know to not get so involved with someone that doesn't respect your time or your feelings.
 
P

Peltz

Member
AdanVC said:
Well, last night the girl I meet from tinder and had a big crush on said she needs some time off because it's tired and not ready for a relationship. She felt she's too inmature to hold a relationship properly despite being 20 years old, I'm 26. The worst thing is that this is the second time she said this... the first time was 2 months ago because of the very same reason: "being tired and busy as heck with school to the point of being obsessed with it and not having time for anything else" Not having time not even for herself. I respected her decision and all fine, it was honestly a big relief to me because I was anxious all the time trying to chat with her only so she ghosted me... but then she call me back again crying the next day saying she regret her decision and wanted to come back with me. I made the mistake of saying "ok" and apparently all went fine... but only for a week or so. We went out, we kissed lots, all that nice jazz. All went downhill from there, she begin ghosting me again to the point of deleting her facebook profile several times without explanation and when she finally had the amability to answer my messages, she only said "sorry I'm crazy mad with school! I had to delete my fb for some days to not get distracted!" I was trying to understand but also my patience was running out, getting even more anxious just by thinking about her to the point of not getting stuff done at work and at home.

Last night I saw her online on whatsapp and I send her a message and it's when she said her final words. Saying that there's no reason to continue together if she cannot be with me because she is always mad busy. I should add that she was always depressed and despite my maximum effort of supporting her, she kept being all sad and depressed and that honestly was draining my life out of my pores because I also suffer from depression and anxiety so I'm kinda glad it's all over with her. Supposedly, we're still going to stay in touch just like another random contact on your friend list to talk every now and then but ha! We barely talked now, what makes us think we're going to talk later on? I swear I have the worst luck with girls. The worst thing is that I stopped talking to several nice and kind girls I recently meet from Tinder just to stick with this one and now nothing, nobody... all lonely again since I don't even have friends to talk about this. I'm done with Tinder and chatting and meeting girls online.
Click to expand...

Dude you need to read this article.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Communal nudes huh?

As the only soon to be married dating gaf regular, I'm realistically the only poster who can be trusted to assess such material and inform you of the most appropriate response.

So PM me. Like right now. IMMEDIATELY YOU CUNTS.

Ahem

At your earliest convenience.
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
Peltz said:
Dude you need to read this article.
Click to expand...

I love this article. They are not enthused with being with you, dont try and force it. Just let it flow and move on. Its not your fault, keep doing what you think works.


Opinion. If someone is spending 2-3 days between text in a modern world are they just ignoring you or busy.

Riding the line between excited to text someone after a first and not looking too needy is all in the perception of the person receiving the text, within reason.

I wait until after work to send my first after date texts now.

Peltz said:
Never play it cool. Be hyped. I'm not kidding.

Playing it cool is never a good idea. If your enthusiastic about things, then be enthusiastic about things. Don't be afraid to show it.

This doesn't mean you should buy her flowers and text her every 5 minutes. But when you do chat with her, it's not a bad thing to tell her how much you enjoyed her company and how excited you are to see her again.
Click to expand...

What i meant was to not act a little crazy and think its a done deal. Basically keep my expectations in check.
 
P

PersonAndStuff

Member
Occasionally I spend several hours browsing OkCupid profiles, strenuously searching for an opening message in the ether. Then I find one. A commonality, a witty comment, something to be said. Then I don't send it and go to sleep.
 
Z

ZackieChan

Member
PersonAndStuff said:
Occasionally I spend several hours browsing OkCupid profiles, strenuously searching for an opening message in the ether. Then I find one. A commonality, a witty comment, something to be said. Then I don't send it and go to sleep.
Click to expand...
Hours of browsing to finally find one person? You're too Goddamned picky. You should send like 5-10 messages a day. It's a numbers game.

AdanVC said:
Well, last night the girl I meet from tinder and had a big crush on said she needs some time off because it's tired and not ready for a relationship. I'm done with Tinder and chatting and meeting girls online.
Click to expand...

First, as Giages said, you're putting everything on a flaky person. You need to be using Tinder, etc. MORE, not less. Have multiple girls you're taking with.
Second, it isn't ghosting if she messages you the next day.
Third, you already didn't want to deal with her, so I don't see why this is so upsetting. I don't think it's about her, but more about you thinking you're going to be alone. Spread yourself far and wide, online and offline, to avoid this. Also, make your life an awesome one, that doesn't need a woman in it to be great. Then a woman will augment the awesomeness, rather than be a substitute for it.

Bread said:
it's very immature of you to get excited over a nude female body, grow up.
Click to expand...

Nudes are cool, communal or not. Get out of her with this "a grown man shouldn't be excited about a naked body" nonsense.
 
L

Leeness

Member
This is a weird conversation....

The "worst" pictures I've ever taken are for work out comparisons in undies, or comparing bras and getting opinions from people. :/
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
PersonAndStuff said:
Occasionally I spend several hours browsing OkCupid profiles, strenuously searching for an opening message in the ether. Then I find one. A commonality, a witty comment, something to be said. Then I don't send it and go to sleep.
Click to expand...

Or maybe just start messaging more people, even if you don't find a commonality?
 
L

Leeness

Member
LucidMomentum said:
I thought you meant worst as in not attractive, not as in risqué.

My b.

How are things going with coworker friend?
Click to expand...

Well, that too, but I mean, that's a given. Haha.

Things are fine with coworker acquaintance/friend, thanks for asking. We've been texting a bit, but just in the past couple of days.
 
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