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[jimmypython]

Hi guys, I have a very rookie online dating question. I kinda of already had an answer but just want to hear from gaffers.

I met his girl last Saturday online, got her number and we made plans to meet up this weekend. Learning from past experience, I didn't chat with her via text at all throughout the week except on Wednesday I texted to set up a time for the date (tomorrow). Everything was good and she said she would text me later in the week to confirm a place. Haven't talked to her at all since....I should just wait and not text her right??

She seems pretty cool but I can just continue to talk to other girls online lol...

 

[Astral]

Astral. Are you a prostitute?
Singaporean woman. No.
Astral. Great, thanks for being honest.

Hey Bacon, you're so wrong she said she wasn't and I believe her.

Is that how you figure that conversation will play out?

When she finally told me her age was throwing a tantrum so who knows. She revealed a lot about herself that day. I still wanna know more though.

Are you paying for the sex? Is she trying to trap you by forming a babby ? Do you fuck while the roommate is in the room, since you say they share it ? Many unanswered questions my man.

Not paying for sex. Doesn't want a baby. Doesn't want a relationship. When she texts me she just says she's horny. We fucked in the bathroom. I just don't think she's a prostitute. Maybe I don't know how prostitution works because if she doesn't want a green card or money then idk wtf else she could want.

 

[always crazy bacon]

When she finally told me her age was throwing a tantrum

DING DING DING DING! That's a positive, I only know about Chinese women but truthfully I was going to say be prepared for her to throw a massive fit and shout about how you could accuse her of such a thing. I don't know enough to say that Singaporean women would act the same way when they are called out on something. But you seem to have confirmed similar reactions. Basically the louder they shout, the more offended they are they more that means you've caught them and they are trying to win by shouting the loudest.

The secret job she would not tell you. Prostitute
The "Online" business she didn't give details for. Cam girl
The legitimate job she told you, just for paying taxes and getting benefits and required documentation.

I guarantee somewhere along the line you are being taken advantage of for her benefit.

You drove all that way for a fuck in a bathroom? SMH.

 

[Astral]

Well she told me all that stuff through text so maybe she was shouting at her phone. Idk. It wasn't because I accused her of something. She just brought it up after she was feeling down about something and was saying how she didn't have her life together or some shit. And I didn't know we'd be fucking in a bathroom. Based on what she's told me, i think she's just emotionally unstable. From what she's told me she has social anxiety, might have some separation issues with her aunt, she was dumped by a verbally abusive fiancé, has self esteem issues, little confidence, and gets very attached to men. She's yet to ask for money or tell me to sign up for some site or even brought up the possibility of a relationship. She says she's been legally here for two years and she absolutely does not want a relationship because of her anxiety and her attachment to men (even though she's clearly attached to me). So unless she's really fucking patient I just don't think she's a prostitute.

 

[always crazy bacon]

So what was the secret job?

 

[Ultramantaro1]

Hi guys, I have a very rookie online dating question. I kinda of already had an answer but just want to hear from gaffers.

I met his girl last Saturday online, got her number and we made plans to meet up this weekend. Learning from past experience, I didn't chat with her via text at all throughout the week except on Wednesday I texted to set up a time for the date (tomorrow). Everything was good and she said she would text me later in the week to confirm a place. Haven't talked to her at all since....I should just wait and not text her right??

She seems pretty cool but I can just continue to talk to other girls online lol...

On the day of, send a little 'I'll see you at xpm tonight' and maybe a final 'on my way now, I'll be there in x minutes' right before the date. There's nothing else to say until then. Chat with other girls, you KNOW she's getting a ton of messages from other dudes too.

 

[Astral]

So what was the secret job?

They were all secrets. One was some customer service representative position or something, the other was the restaurant, and the online one was...idk. I just know it involved drawing and designing stuff on a tablet. I saw her doing it one time but she wouldn't say much about it. She quit it soon after I met her.

 

[jimmypython]

On the day of, send a little 'I'll see you at xpm tonight' and maybe a final 'on my way now, I'll be there in x minutes' right before the date. There's nothing else to say until then. Chat with other girls, you KNOW she's getting a ton of messages from other dudes too.

yeah...except she is supposed to tell me where to meet (I don't know much about her area) lol.

I guess I will see what happens. If she doesn't message (which she said she would) then I think I'll just drop her.

 

[animax]

Well we do know each other for quite Some time now and Its been obvious that there was something between us for a while. Plus we did get drinks earlier that week also. So it wasnt the first time we went out.

Ah, that sounds a bit more reasonable.

Good luck!

 

[radioactivez0r]

Haven't been keeping up with the thread, but re: a couple pages ago and nerdy events, I'd volunteer trivia nights, always a good time even if a bit competitive.

I also thought of those "search the city" scavenger hunts but that's a bit more specific.

 

[Aomber]

LOL! So that chick I met last night with the boyfriend? I added her and her bf on facebook while we were all together in person. She added me back within a couple hours. He not only rejected my request, but blocked me from adding him again.

Just funny that's all, some people get way too salty about their gf getting hit on. Dude should take it easy and take it as a compliment, he's the one that's got her after all

 

[Irnbru]

Whelp, just got dumped
Gave me the good ol' it's not you it's me. She was bawling the whole time too. Made for an awkward af situation. Fuck.

 

[jimmypython]

Whelp, just got dumped
Gave me the good ol' it's not you it's me. She was bawling the whole time too. Made for an awkward af situation. Fuck.

been there...sorry to hear that and I know it sucks! not sure how long you were together but it will all be fine eventually

Stay strong!

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Whelp, just got dumped
Gave me the good ol' it's not you it's me. She was bawling the whole time too. Made for an awkward af situation. Fuck.

Sounds like theatrics to try and elicit sympathy.

 

[Irnbru]

Sounds like theatrics to try and elicit sympathy.

That was my feeling. Who knows. Bye Felicia I guess. Thanks for the words guys.

Andy was two months, so not a about crazy amount of time.

 

[names2hard4you]

Sounds like theatrics to try and elicit sympathy.

This ^ I've gotten the same before. Or the even older excuse in the book "I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now", only to find out a week or two later that they are seeing someone ahaha. I wish people just kept it real when breaking up. I know I do, whenever it happens. It may suck, but who knows, it may actually help the other person to learn something about themselves.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Whelp, just got dumped
Gave me the good ol' it's not you it's me. She was bawling the whole time too. Made for an awkward af situation. Fuck.

Its not you its me line... ah tis a classic lie. Shes proably interested in someone else and extracting herself from the relationship.

New women await you.

 

[chicko1983]

How do you tell if a girl is shy or not interested?

We text but it's pretty much only me who initiates conversation. She is responsive, lots of smileys and emojis etc, but only a couple times has she messaged me first.

Then the couple of times we have been together she seems shy when I try to escalate things e.g. we were chatting amongst a group of us and I went to stand closer to her and she said she needed some water. She came back but wasn't very responsive at all.

 

[Ralemont]

Hi guys, I have a very rookie online dating question. I kinda of already had an answer but just want to hear from gaffers.

I met his girl last Saturday online, got her number and we made plans to meet up this weekend. Learning from past experience, I didn't chat with her via text at all throughout the week except on Wednesday I texted to set up a time for the date (tomorrow). Everything was good and she said she would text me later in the week to confirm a place. Haven't talked to her at all since....I should just wait and not text her right??

She seems pretty cool but I can just continue to talk to other girls online lol...

I would wait for her to text you and keep talking to other girls, yeah. If she needs a reminder that she told you she'd tell you a place then she isn't into you.

 

[gaiages]

How do you tell if a girl is shy or not interested?

We text but it's pretty much only me who initiates conversation. She is responsive, lots of smileys and emojis etc, but only a couple times has she messaged me first.

Then the couple of times we have been together she seems shy when I try to escalate things e.g. we were chatting amongst a group of us and I went to stand closer to her and she said she needed some water. She came back but wasn't very responsive at all.

*points to thread title*

 

[Solo]

How do you tell if a girl is shy or not interested?

We text but it's pretty much only me who initiates conversation. She is responsive, lots of smileys and emojis etc, but only a couple times has she messaged me first.

Then the couple of times we have been together she seems shy when I try to escalate things e.g. we were chatting amongst a group of us and I went to stand closer to her and she said she needed some water. She came back but wasn't very responsive at all.

The same way you tell if any girl is interested - you ask her out.

 

[chicko1983]

*points to thread title*

The same way you tell if any girl is interested - you ask her out.

Honestly, I knew this was the case but was hoping for an easier solution.

Well, I'm gonna man up. My confidence has taken a beating the last couple of years. All the women I'm really keen on have not been as keen on me.

 

[Aomber]

How do you tell if a girl is shy or not interested?

We text but it's pretty much only me who initiates conversation. She is responsive, lots of smileys and emojis etc, but only a couple times has she messaged me first.

Then the couple of times we have been together she seems shy when I try to escalate things e.g. we were chatting amongst a group of us and I went to stand closer to her and she said she needed some water. She came back but wasn't very responsive at all.

Pretty much what others have said. Ask her out.

As a general rule regarding texts, I wouldn't read into the "who texts first" stuff. Some girls just never text first, or sometimes on the rare occasion. Obviously it's a good thing if they do but if not, I wouldn't worry about it. Hell I have girls who flat out don't respond for several texts (given a good amount of time between them) and I end up dating and/or sleeping with them (don't try that unless you're really certain they're into you)

 

[MadSexual]

So Tinder...

I'm not a guy that gets a lot of matches. I got two, two days apart. One pretty average and believable. The next is pretty hot, but realistic pics, I guess. Both messaged me first with "hi how are you doing??" moments after matching. Obvious fake is obvious, right? (evidently not)

EDIT: Ah, there it is. The last "user" forgot to promptly advertise the cam site.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Got the ol' "I should've said something when we kissed that night, you're good company, sorry I led you on into anything, we'll hang out more, I'm not trying to have anything while i'm here since I'm moving 400 miles away in two months" talk with that one girl and I just had to suck it up, and said I always knew and I feel the same way.

I'm just in a defeatist mood tonight, fellas.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

That was my feeling. Who knows. Bye Felicia I guess. Thanks for the words guys.

Andy was two months, so not a about crazy amount of time.

This ^ I've gotten the same before. Or the even older excuse in the book "I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now", only to find out a week or two later that they are seeing someone ahaha. I wish people just kept it real when breaking up. I know I do, whenever it happens. It may suck, but who knows, it may actually help the other person to learn something about themselves.

Two months and she ends it crazy theatrics? Yeah, she's covering hard. Or maybe she was really invested, in which case you dodged a major bullet. No-one should be that invested after just two months.

 

[Shadowhelper]

This ^ I've gotten the same before. Or the even older excuse in the book "I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now", only to find out a week or two later that they are seeing someone ahaha. I wish people just kept it real when breaking up. I know I do, whenever it happens. It may suck, but who knows, it may actually help the other person to learn something about themselves.

Oh absolutely. If George Clooney hit on them, they wouldn't say, " I don't want to be in a relationship right now."

I've even been out with a girl who said she doesn't want to be in a relationship now, and then seen them later as friends, and coincidentally lost weight, since I only date when I'm in decent or good shape, and then they are very ready to date.

If someone dumps you, or signals they don't wanna proceed, 95% of the time, its simply because they don't like you enough, whatever the reason may be.

Being dumped sucks because it can really hurt your ego. It's happened to me enough times, that I am dreading doing it in my current one, but I am so conflicted and don't have much of a backbone. Hopefully, I'll figure it out soon, and not be of two minds anymore.

Also, it might just be me, but I never got the whole, you have to dump them to their face. I am fine with being dumped by text, and feel fine doing it others. " Please tell me to my face in a long conversation, why I suck!" Heh, no thanks, either way.

Also, even though people might tell bullshit excuses when they breakup, it's not a big deal. Just understand they are bullshit. I don't think it means they are bad people, or should even be brutally honest. In relationships are about being considerate. Brutal honestly and relationships don't usually go well together, in my experience. I mean, do you really need to tell someone, you don't find them physically attractive anymore?

If there was personality clash, I'd be more comfortable telling a person this, but if its something they cannot change, I would probably not tell them, as that would be a bit cruel.

 

[Kurtofan]

how do i ask someone out over a text. I talked to this girl a couple of times and i asker her number a couple of weeks ago and we exchanged it.

Now I want to ask her out, should I just send a text asking her out? or should I try texting a bit more first?

 

[vern]

how do i ask someone out over a text. I talked to this girl a couple of times and i asker her number a couple of weeks ago and we exchanged it.

Now I want to ask her out, should I just send a text asking her out? or should I try texting a bit more first?

Hey long time no see 🙈. Wanna fix that and grab a drink on Saturday?

 

[always crazy bacon]

Oh absolutely. If George Clooney hit on them, they wouldn't say, " I don't want to be in a relationship right now."

We have the Brad Pitt rule here. If she would not say to him what she said to you, then it's 99.99% untruthful.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Hey long time no see 🙈. Wanna fix that and grab a drink on Saturday?

Dating Age |OT7| We're all dating Vern

 

[vern]

Dating Age |OT7| We're all dating Vern

This shit isn't that complicated.

 

[names2hard4you]

Put an emoji or two in there and you got yourself a date. Listen to my words.

 

[vegohead]

So a girl's flirting with you and probably wants to have sex with you. Clearly you know what's going to happen, because I just told you. As far as the other girl, you didn't ask her out. You cowardly asked her to study, which is something friends ask other friends, and then alluded to fucking anime. (Which, thankfully, you realized. So, kudos for that.)

Do not study with her. Do not be her friend unless you want to be her friend. Don't text her. You can talk to her in person and ask her to grab a drink.

Welp, you were right about the first girl. Things have been going really well with her. Also, I found out the girl in my class has a bf so this worked itself out. I'm happy to finally be dating someone who has their life together. Feel so good right now

 

[Ogodei]

Think i might've met a girl i've been messaging on OKCupid last night at a board game meetup. Stupid me didn't put two and two together, similar appearance and same first name, though she seemed like she was at the meetup with a guy (who she knew very well), and the OKC girl didn't mention boardgames at all on her profile, while meetup girl seemed like a regular at this thing.

Then i messaged her (as part of a general conversation without mentioning it) after i woke up this morning before my brain put two and two together. I wonder...

 

[robox]

how do you deal with a girl who says "i miss you"

when i've been doing my own thing (ie, got nobody) that it doesn't bother me in the least that i'm away. at least that's maybe how i think.
or as another interpretation of the scenario, that they're more smitten about me than i am about them.



i prob just need to man up and drop them if i can't be what they want....

 

[Salamando]

how do you deal with a girl who says "i miss you"

when i've been doing my own thing (ie, got nobody) that it doesn't bother me in the least that i'm away. at least that's maybe how i think.
or as another interpretation of the scenario, that they're more smitten about me than i am about them.



i prob just need to man up and drop them if i can't be what they want....

Is this girl an ex, or are you a couple and one of you is travelling? I don't understand what that second paragraph is saying.

 

[Ghostshark]

I'm really sad about the state of online dating behavior for females. I met my lovely (physically, but more importantly personality) girl I've been seeing through OkCupid, and she was telling me horror stories about dick picks, harassment, and other awful shit. Our first date was at a dive bar at 12am, which was safe for her due to being friends with the staff.

She was nervous about the date, but she was unfortunately given super strong shots by her well meaning bartender friend, so she was super wasted. I talked her into letting me take her home in a lyft, and apparently the "spark" happened when I didn't try anything. I grabbed onto her to keep her up, helped her inside her house, gave her a kiss on the forehead with a hug, and wished her goodnight, to her surprise. Do that many people try to take advantage of a super drunk girl? I don't think I could sleep at night if I did that.

She texts me a lot, and I love talking with her. My friend tries to tell me to "try and slow her texting," but I like talking, so screw that.

Date 3 is happening next weekend, she's inviting me over for dinner and movie bingeing. She noticed my lack of dating experience and asked how many people I went out with total, which is 3 first dates total with no relationships, so she laughed, informing me "you kiss me date 3." I'm super lucky since she's coaching me how do date her as I date her, haha.

 

[gaiages]

Do that many people try to take advantage of a super drunk girl? I don't think I could sleep at night if I did that.

Not as many as it seems, but all it takes is one mishap to ruin any feeling of safety, really.

Anyway, congrats on the lady, hope it keeps going well

 

[jimmypython]

So she texted back and now I am just back from the coffee date. We walked around and chatted for around 1.5 hrs. Didn't lead to dinner etc tho. Short and sweet I would say.

Too soon for me to pass any judgement... So we will see if she wants to meet again.

I have another date with another girl lined up soon so I'm at a "I don't really care" kinda mood lol.

 

[Ogodei]

Quite like the new photo, i look like a stock photo model for a young professional (aside from having a bit of stubble), finally got an agreeable facial expression, and a tiny bit of GIMP-ing edited out the few visible zits i had at the time. So now i'm back in the bumble game.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Quite like the new photo, i look like a stock photo model for a young professional (aside from having a bit of stubble), finally got an agreeable facial expression, and a tiny bit of GIMP-ing edited out the few visible zits i had at the time. So now i'm back in the bumble game.

Good luck fella, keep us informed.

 

[robox]

Is this girl an ex, or are you a couple and one of you is travelling? I don't understand what that second paragraph is saying.

girl(s) i dated, while travelling.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

girl(s) i dated, while travelling.

Tell them you're not interested, if that's too direct then just ignore the messages or block them.

From your post it doesn't sound like you're interested in maintaining these connections, so sever them. You don't need to waste time on pleasantries, what's the point if you're not interested in seeing them again?

 

[Mediking]

Ever looked back on a crush from the past and think... "Not anymore."?

Ran into a childhood crush yesterday. My feelings are almost totally gone but there's still a small fire there. Lol

 

[Ogodei]

Ever looked back on a crush from the past and think... "Not anymore."?

Ran into a childhood crush yesterday. My feelings are almost totally gone but there's still a small fire there. Lol

You're nostalgic for your own feelings, especially if it was a crush that never went anywhere so you never really got to intimately know the person in question. Just like going back to watch Space Jam and remembering that it always kind of sucked, but you still feel the ghost of 7-year-old-you's hype for it.

 

[Ghostshark]

Well, she baked me surprised brownies, and told me I'm the most gentlemanly nice person she has dated. My Dad, always concerned about my lack of a relationship at near 30, claims that the comment was a bad sign. I'm thinking that she likes me, and while I appreciate the advice, I'm not taking any from him at this point.

Also got feedback from a female friend is that I am too nice and should never try to get the check or open doors because it's "sexist." We do have a thing where we dash to the door to race to open it for the other person first, which I think is endearing myself. I also got the advice that I shouldn't let her text me as much, despite enjoying it immensely. Any of you guys get horrible advice from friends or loved ones?

 

[gaiages]

Well, she baked me surprised brownies, and told me I'm the most gentlemanly nice person she has dated. My Dad, always concerned about my lack of a relationship at near 30, claims that the comment was a bad sign. I'm thinking that she likes me, and while I appreciate the advice, I'm not taking any from him at this point.

Also got feedback from a female friend is that I am too nice and should never try to get the check or open doors because it's "sexist." We do have a thing where we dash to the door to race to open it for the other person first, which I think is endearing myself. I also got the advice that I shouldn't let her text me as much, despite enjoying it immensely. Any of you guys get horrible advice from friends or loved ones?

lol all the time. Even though my SO and I have been in a relationship for two years, I still get stupid ass advice from time to time, about what we're doing wrong. Uh, sorry, I think we're doing alright if we're still together

It's good that you know the difference between advice that's good and bad for your situation though. Everyone's different, after all!

 

[ZackieChan]

Well, she baked me surprised brownies, and told me I'm the most gentlemanly nice person she has dated. My Dad, always concerned about my lack of a relationship at near 30, claims that the comment was a bad sign. I'm thinking that she likes me, and while I appreciate the advice, I'm not taking any from him at this point.

Also got feedback from a female friend is that I am too nice and should never try to get the check or open doors because it's "sexist." We do have a thing where we dash to the door to race to open it for the other person first, which I think is endearing myself. I also got the advice that I shouldn't let her text me as much, despite enjoying it immensely. Any of you guys get horrible advice from friends or loved ones?

I think that being too nice can be a turn off. I'm generally nice, but not friend nice.

Ever looked back on a crush from the past and think... "Not anymore."?

Ran into a childhood crush yesterday. My feelings are almost totally gone but there's still a small fire there. Lol

You've been coming to this thread for at least 6 months now, haven't you? Been on a date/asked anyone out yet?

 

[Reave]

Well, she baked me surprised brownies, and told me I'm the most gentlemanly nice person she has dated. My Dad, always concerned about my lack of a relationship at near 30, claims that the comment was a bad sign. I'm thinking that she likes me, and while I appreciate the advice, I'm not taking any from him at this point.

I think the concern about being too nice is that some women might not see enough layers to a man's personality (beyond the kindness) to see true compatibility.

Many women like a guy with complexities that they can uncover, observe, interpret, and react to. It's almost like food to them. In keeping with the theme, if a restaurant only has one entree and nothing else, they may eventually grow bored of the same old meal and start to believe that there's a better restaurant with more to offer elsewhere. So, while being an incredibly nice guy isn't a bad thing at all, try to consider whether there's other sides of yourself that you can introduce to your dynamic together that will pleasantly surprise her just as much, if not more.