I can tolerate a bit of crazy, but that princess/queen menatility is an instant no-go. I used to skip any online profiles that had a phrase like "I'm looking for someone to treat me like the princess that I am". Uh, no, honey. You're looking for a spineless sugar daddy, not a boyfriend.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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But can you really say you love her if you wouldn't do every single thing she said?
Like eat her poop?
for future reference, with online dating. Do you basically have to get it right within the first 5 text messages? I'm a complete newbie when it comes to this but this girl made the initial approach after seeing my profile, i accepted her "invitation" which then gives her my mobile no. and she messaged me almost immediately. We exchanged a few innocent messages (like i would normally with any girl) but it was dead within 10 minutes
clearly i have done something wrong here? I'm guessing there is no time for small talk and you basically have to get straight to the point compared to other times where i kind of ease into it which normally works
clearly i have done something wrong here? I'm guessing there is no time for small talk and you basically have to get straight to the point compared to other times where i kind of ease into it which normally works
Here's a nice article about why some random men have ghosted women, with fun sidebars about vagina lifts because that's what women need or something: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a51249/why-did-he-ghost-me/
It's interesting to see, because frankly with most of those reasons, you really wouldn't want the ghoster telling you that straight up, but yet a lot of people want to know why they're ghosted. In essence, ignorance is bliss.
Jey_16, to answer your question, yes and no, it depends on how you're engaging the other person. I recommend the Online Dating thread for tips and advice about upping your messaging game.
It's interesting to see, because frankly with most of those reasons, you really wouldn't want the ghoster telling you that straight up, but yet a lot of people want to know why they're ghosted. In essence, ignorance is bliss.
Jey_16, to answer your question, yes and no, it depends on how you're engaging the other person. I recommend the Online Dating thread for tips and advice about upping your messaging game.
Nothing "clearly" really. Depends on the context and frequency. Some back and forths go slow on the exchange rate, some fast. People have lives so don't assume too much, but the short version is you should know within a few exchanges, whether they be coming slow or fast, on if you click or not and have something set up.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
What were your innocent messages?
I'm sure they were innocent -- which means you didn't do anything wrong -- but the point isn't to gain a texting buddy, after all.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah, you wanna paste in the messages, redacted if necessary?
I'm no expert in Indian matrimonial websites...two things immediately stuck out to me.
1) You spent too long talking about the website itself. Saying you signed up for premium...they try to scam you..."they actually call you?"...it's just boring, and the scam talk creates negativity. Mentioning that her profile was awesome is a good move, and should easily segue into a question about something particular you enjoyed in her profile.
2) In the 5 messages you sent, only one contained any question for her, and that was the "How was your day?" (which isn't the most exciting or original question to ask). Your response could've been better too - it's just you talking about yourself. She's talking about an experience, ask her about it. "How was it being phoneless for a day?" or even "Oh wow, how'd you find a place for lunch without being able to yelp it, lol?"
Hey, so, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to post a question like this and it's not entirely relevant to the exact topic of this thread. It's the closest thing I could think of.
Basically, I started college recently and I guess I forgot how to make friends? Like up to this point in my life I never really wanted to talk to people but all of a sudden I want to have close friends now to message with and whatever.
How do I introduce myself to someone just passing by them somewhere? It's weird. I always feel the loss of drive of mine to get to know need people when I actually get out there GAF. I'm really confused at this point in my life but one thing I'm pretty sure about is I could use some stronger social connections. So any advice would be really appreciated.
Basically, I started college recently and I guess I forgot how to make friends? Like up to this point in my life I never really wanted to talk to people but all of a sudden I want to have close friends now to message with and whatever.
How do I introduce myself to someone just passing by them somewhere? It's weird. I always feel the loss of drive of mine to get to know need people when I actually get out there GAF. I'm really confused at this point in my life but one thing I'm pretty sure about is I could use some stronger social connections. So any advice would be really appreciated.
Join a club based on your hobbies/interests.
Introduce yourself to classmates. See a student sitting near you? Hey, I'm Choomp. How are you? You already have a thing in common - the class. Go from there. So what do you think of the teacher? Did you notice his wig, haha? What program are you in? Do you have an study groups? Check out my Arnold impression. Etc etc
Meetup.com is supposed to be good to meet groups/friends too.
Here's how I made my closest friends in college:
- Roommates / Floormmates. Just talking/interacting/getting food with people from my floor. They would bring people over, I'd meet new people.
- Class. Ask people for help, talk to people, work in groups. This will not only help your social life, but your grades.
- Clubs/Volunteering. College is amazing to find people of like-interests. Find a club you like. Find something that interests you. It's much easier to get along with people that like things that you also like.
- Job. Work, in general, is one of the best places to meet people. You're forced to interact with each other and friendships just naturally occur.
Benzychenz
Member
Flakey tinder girls are the worst.
Was messaging one girl who seemed super keen, and we were gonna have a little lunch date but I needed to get my work roster the next day, so I told her my off days and she just never replied again lol.
Anyway, have another girl lined up that seems to want to go bowling next week, but we'll see if it pans out when the time comes around.
I've gotta say though, after getting some good photos up I'm getting a lot more matches, and a lot more actually replying too.
Was messaging one girl who seemed super keen, and we were gonna have a little lunch date but I needed to get my work roster the next day, so I told her my off days and she just never replied again lol.
Anyway, have another girl lined up that seems to want to go bowling next week, but we'll see if it pans out when the time comes around.
I've gotta say though, after getting some good photos up I'm getting a lot more matches, and a lot more actually replying too.
Sickboy007
Member
Are you still meeting the 420 erry day girl?
Benzychenz
Member
Yeah should be, but it won't be until the weekend after this one. She said she'll take me somewhere nice for lunch if I drive up to her place (~1 hour).
In other news, that girl that's keen for bowling seems super keen and we've been messaging for the past couple hours, so I think that one's a lock. Then I've been messaging another girl that has gotten super flirty and sent me her number and wants to get drinks Saturday night.
I have never had so much success on Tinder, feels strange.
chicko1983
Member
Any men in here go out with women who make a lot more than them? I have no problems with women being paid what they deserve, but I'm paid well and are now intimidated by a women I like who is paid a lot more than me (found out from one of her friends). Not stealth bragging but I've never gone out with someone who makes 20% more than me but is younger.
I mean neither me nor my girlfriend is making a lot, but she makes a good 30% more than me. It doesn't affect much at all, as we both buy our own shit and neither is very demanding when it comes to physical goods. If anything, it makes things easier because she can buy her own jewelry and shoes.
Sickboy007
Member
Nice going! New pictures definitely helped.
If you're able to pay for yourself, it shouldn't matter. Like, at all. 21st century!
Reave
Member
Did her friend casually tell you about her salary without warning, or did you ask? I'm kind of curious about that. I'm assuming it isn't the latter, since you seem a little taken aback. If that's the case, I'm surprised that her friend would feel the need to tell you something like that. She really need to check her friends about that. It's not cool.
As for your actual question, I'd recommend that you try looking at it from another point-of-view to avoid that feeling of intimidation and inferiority. I think it's a matter of looking at them from a success-based standpoint than a monetary standpoint.
I, for one, like dating successful women. That doesn't just mean that they have high incomes, but that they know what they want in life, work hard, and reap the benefits. Whether or not the reap more benefits than I reap isn't the point. It's knowing that I'm with a driven and successful woman. At no point do I compare their success with mine. It's not a competition. It's just dating.
Now, if you're dating someone (and this goes for men and women) that likes to brag to you about their riches ad nauseum, that's a different story. That, too, has happened to me before, and it's incredibly obnoxious. In my case, she would gloat about how she could go in and pay cash for any car she wants, and wanted a man that could afford to keep up with her splurging. It was ridiculous, and that's when one ought to pull the plug.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Yeah, you guys hit it right on the head. She is about the "finer things" and is looking for a sugar daddy or atleast "taken care of". We have gone out about 8 times, she won't even suggest she leave the tip or buy some damned popcorn. I am used to a girl saying, "let me get that" or "the drink are on me this time" or something to ateast make it appear they aren't just in for the $$$. Shit like that let's me know where her mind is and the insanity is so bizarre that I cannot deal at all.
Unless one of them is jobless, salary differences really shouldn't matter that much. Unless you feel the same if you meet men younger than you that make more? If so, then it seems like an overall inferiority issue... Which, you should try and work on, because money shouldn't be a measure of anyone's worth.
don't you dare start possible grumpers that will go "too bad society says different"
chicko1983
Member
Unless one of them is jobless, salary differences really shouldn't matter that much. Unless you feel the same if you meet men younger than you that make more? If so, then it seems like an overall inferiority issue... Which, you should try and work on, because money shouldn't be a measure of anyone's worth.
don't you dare start possible grumpers that will go "too bad society says different"
The salary came up as me and her friend (who I work with) were talking about not having pay rises for the last couple of years. The woman who I like has just moved jobs and got a massive pay jump, so her friend told me the salary when I asked what "a massive" pay rise is. We are all in the same industry so talking about salaries did not seem out of place at the time.
The woman I like is smart and successful. Probably why I am attracted to her. But maybe that is why I am intimidated also, i tend to think my salary reflects my intelligence, ability at my job and success. If she thinks the same, then maybe I don't interest her.
We have texted a few times, and she seems reciprocal in her texts although I have been the one who initiates the conversation. She also sent me an individual email from a group email chat asking what's up but not much else. I wanted to ask her out the next time I meet her, but now I don't know.
I suppose it is a bit of an inferiority complex on my behalf too.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Is it a good idea to reestablish contact with a girl you haven't talked to for a while on OkCupid? Stopped talking to her because I thought she was being flakey, but she's attractive and shares my interests so why not, I'm jobless and on welfare (got a lot saved up though) so it's not like I have anything better to do
Sure go for it, but be prepared for the possibility that she may not be interested. How long ago did you talk to her?
If you do resume contact, ask for a meeting in real life fairly quickly. Don't waste time messaging on OKC forever.
This is the biggest reason I've just stopped tinder altogether lately. Since it's popularity surge, there are tons of people that download it just to see who likes them. They'll talk; they'll organize a meetup, but they will never actually follow through.
It's annoying.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Yeah, trying my best to find another one. Kinda stupid leaving my last one recently without anything else lined up, but I grew to hate it with a passion.
I last talked to her a couple of months ago, she said she was 'busy because of university' when I last asked her to meet up. Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't even bother.
Yeah, don't bother. If someone is "too busy" 99% of the time it's a BS excuse, especially for a college student.
People have been doing that sort of thing since the days of AOL chatrooms. That's why you spend a lot of time before you ask them out and you keep the first date simple. I used to meet up for a drink and if they flaked, I would finish my beer and call it a day.
People have been doing that sort of thing since the days of AOL chatrooms. That's why you spend a lot of time before you ask them out and you keep the first date simple. I used to meet up for a drink and if they flaked, I would finish my beer and call it a day.
Think you mean "That's why you don't spend a lot of time before you ask them out". Also good advice to avoid overinvesting in a relationship before it is one.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Is this a matter of you building it up in your head and reality not matching your expectations?
Messofanego
Banned
Yeah, have come across that line and instantly cringe every time, then click off the profile.
Hey guys.. gym etiquette in regards to talking to women? I've always been the type to not talk to anyone (guy/gal) while in the gym unless necessary. I'm there to get in and get out lol. If someone happens to strike up a convo with me, I'll gladly talk to them of course and hold the conversation for awhile. Now there's a girl I see quite often at my gym. Any tips with that? I would strike up a convo if by coincidence we were walking in/out at the same time. Don't really want to bug her while she's working out though....
Miles Quaritch
Member
Do you view people who earn less than you as less intelligent? And just ask her, if she says no, you move on and find someone else. You're wasting time and investing far too much thought into this.
Maybe, maybe not my best luck for my first ever tinder date . I believe I maybe put too much effort into this date, first ever date.
Just to end of feeling disappointed.
Yes its my first ever date and probably shouldn't of put that much effort, however I believe eventually somebody will love it.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
What exactly went wrong? Did you just not click or was there something you didn't like about her?
How much effort are we talking here? A first date should be pretty simple, like drinks or a casual meal somewhere.
If you can grab her on the way in or out, go for it, otherwise leave her be. Talking while she's actively working out is a no-no, and her rest periods will likely be too short for any real conversation.
...How much effort did you put into a walk-and-talk?
Anyway, a lack of effort likely wasn't the problem, just your waves of ideal date fantasy crashing against the shores of reality leaving you underwhelmed. Or maybe there just wasn't anything between you two. It happens.
Messofanego
Banned
Only after the workout and if she's not wearing headphones. She's like you, she wants to work out and that's it. But afterwards, she might be game.
Miles Quaritch
Member
What were you expectations? What was the level of effort you put in? As in what did you do that makes you feel you did too much?
You're being too vague.
So Gaf, been doing some smallish talks with a cute girl roughly my age (32) that works in a small souvenir shop in town. She told me of an expo she was going to a few weeks ago and I asked her how'd it went and she said it went fine. I asked how she is doing and so on, not much but better than nothing.
But right now I don't know if I should stop talking to her all together since it seems that when you google her name she is married to a guy that is 18 years older than her. Always my luck to find married women :/
But right now I don't know if I should stop talking to her all together since it seems that when you google her name she is married to a guy that is 18 years older than her. Always my luck to find married women :/
Miles Quaritch
Member
You didn't notice the ring when you were talking to her? Are you sure it's the same woman?
ZackieChan
Member
Cool story bro. Keep looking for new women to date. It's all you can do.
That is his way.
Welcome to dating. It won't always work out. But that's part of the fun! Now you've broken the seal, you can date more and be less scared and invested with each one. Keep going!
She had several rings on her fingers and it's a bit hard to stare at her ring finger while I'm talking to her. I'm sure it's the same woman since her last name is unique and the other person lives 100k away and is 42 years old and is I think unmarried
Yeah I know, it's a bad habit but I really don't want to make a fool out of myself and ask her out only to get rejected immediately because she is married.
Sickboy007
Member
Small update on the girl I'm seeing. She's out of the city for a seminar, but we're still texting each other to sleep every night. My default right now is 'I want her to feel loved' and she seems to be responding well. She'll be back in the weekend, and we'll have dinner on Sunday. I hope to smang but I won't rush it.
I know it's boring stuff but I wanted to share since last time I was still in panic mode.
I know it's boring stuff but I wanted to share since last time I was still in panic mode.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
She'd think of it as a compliment.
If you think she's an interesting person and would make a good friend, keep talking to her. It doesn't have to be "available or nothing" when it comes to engaging women in conversation.
Being rejected because she's married sounds a lot less painful than being rejected because of your looks or personality. At least you can walk away saying 'oh well, at least it's not me'.
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