bit of a side note, but "totally not trying to start an arugment, just curious etc etc, not trying to criticize blah blah" triggers me lol. In general, people should just say what they want to say, especially if you're dang well gonna say it anyway. Not specific to politics, but in most things concerning communication. Since it's the dating thread, I'd say it's helpful here as well.
No. TELL her where and when to meet you. Somewhere convenient for you both. If she has an issue with it, she'll have an alternate suggestion. Project confidence!
Alright, do I wait until three days before the date or sooner to tell her ? Because it comes back to another question I had about how often I should text her because the date is a week away
Alright, do I wait until three days before the date or sooner to tell her ? Because it comes back to another question I had about how often I should text her because the date is a week away
You need to be less afraid of making mistakes. Things like "when to tell her where to meet" are easier than figuring out when to go in for the first kiss and such. I can assure you she won't wait around for you to consult GAF on that. Sometimes you just gotta go for it.
When texting, less is more. If you have something to say, by all means text the girl, but save the smalltalk and conversation for in person.
I'd recommend not eating a sit down meal on a first date. It can make conversation hard when you're both stuffing your faces.
My suggestion and a first date that I most typically go with is to meet the girl in a public place near to a coffee shop, preferably not a chain place like Starbucks etc. Also good if the coffee shop has small bites like cakes or donuts. The walk to the coffee shop should take no more than 5 mins, use this time to chat to her and break the ice. (I say meet away from the coffee shop because it can be awkward if you meet in the place and the first things you say to each other are 'what are you ordering? etc.)
When you get to the coffee shop, ask her what she wants, tea, coffee, donut. Order for her and pay (it's unlikely she'll really fight you on this). Chat for 1 - 2 hours and if you like her, suggest a walk at a nearby scenic place if available.
Oh and since you're wondering when to propose this to her, send her a text a few days before the date saying 'Let's meet at the corner of X and Y street at Zpm. There's a nice place nearby'.
Do not phrase it as a question. State what you're doing and if she really has a problem with that plan, she'll let you know.
Thanks guys. Hope something actually happens and I don't get stood up on a date to turn out I was catfished, but like I said. Who cares and its all experience.
I was thinking maybe some mexican or Chinese food because that's what I'm craving but yeah coffee and a talk and hey if we do like each other no reason why we can't go eat something after some coffee.
After my first date, it was my fault that I think it didn't go that well as I had set unrealistic expectations on my date. This time I haven't really texted her that much so to me it seems a bit strange but maybe this how dating works.
Today I went to H&M and got an outfit, just need to buy a belt and an undershirt and I'm good
Thanks guys. Hope something actually happens and I don't get stood up on a date to turn out I was catfished, but like I said. Who cares and its all experience.
I was thinking maybe some mexican or Chinese food because that's what I'm craving but yeah coffee and a talk and hey if we do like each other no reason why we can't go eat something after some coffee.
After my first date, it was my fault that I think it didn't go that well as I had set unrealistic expectations on my date. This time I haven't really texted her that much so to me it seems a bit strange but maybe this how dating works.
Today I went to H&M and got an outfit, just need to buy a belt and an undershirt and I'm good
One last piece of advice, I know this may not be helpful, but try to relax a little. I know you said you're trying not to set unrealistic expectations for this date, but it sounds like you're really thinking about it a lot. Just try to have fun with it. Dating doesn't have to be a super stressful process. Try to treat it like a fun activity.
It's unfortunate that your date was delayed as it can be kind of weird to wait a long time between asking her out and actually meeting as it can be hard to keep the momentum going since you don't want to text too much. It's outside your control though so don't worry about it.
In general, my timeline with tinder dates is:
Chat for 1-2 days on tinder, keep this is as light as possible. Ask her to go on a date at the soonest convenient time. If that happens to be 2 weeks away it kinda sucks but what can you do. The sooner, the better though. Once the details of the date are confirmed, don't text at all until the day before to confirm,
So I've been looking at stuff nearby, maybe instead of coffee. What about frozen yogurt ? Get your yogurt and then you get to choose what you want to put on it like candy and fruit, sounds kinda fun but if it gets cold in the night. Don't know
Chat for 3-5 messages on tinder, keep this is as light as possible. Ask her to go on a date at the soonest convenient time. If that happens to be 2 weeks away it kinda sucks but what can you do. The sooner, the better though. Once the details of the date are confirmed, don't text at all until the day before to confirm,
Should I invite this coworker out, knowing it'll probably create gossip? I know I'll still be at this job for minimum another 2 months. Please advise me datingGAF. I know you're not supposed to crap where you eat but..
Should I invite this coworker out, knowing it'll probably create gossip? I know I'll still be at this job for minimum another 2 months. Please advise me datingGAF. I know you're not supposed to crap where you eat but..
Thoughts on asking the girl that cuts my hair out?
We usually have really good conversations when I see her and while she's obviously in the customer service business and being nice what you're supposed to do, I feel like it could go well.
My suggestion and a first date that I most typically go with is to meet the girl in a public place near to a coffee shop... The walk to the coffee shop should take no more than 5 mins, use this time to chat to her and break the ice. (I say meet away from the coffee shop because it can be awkward if you meet in the place and the first things you say to each other are 'what are you ordering? etc.)
Should I invite this coworker out, knowing it'll probably create gossip? I know I'll still be at this job for minimum another 2 months. Please advise me datingGAF. I know you're not supposed to crap where you eat but..
The closer you're expected to work together, the worse of an idea this is. The worst case scenario isn't the awkwardness following a "no", it's the awkwardness following a bad breakup.
Thoughts on asking the girl that cuts my hair out?
We usually have really good conversations when I see her and while she's obviously in the customer service business and being nice what you're supposed to do, I feel like it could go well.
I can honestly say that reading that literally made my stomach turn. You have to get out of there, man. You have to. That's hell on Earth.
You're being emotionally abused, and it's time for you to become courageous and say "enough is enough." The version of her that you're in love with no longer exists, and you absolutely cannot let your nostalgia for the good times glue you to this demoralizing new version of her for a second longer. All you want is just a glimpse of the girl you fell for, but all you'll get is the girl that tears you down. It's vile.
Right now, she believes she has absolute power over you, and sees you as too weak of a man to ever walk away. That's why she treats you the way she does -- she knows she can get away with it, and that you will keep taking any kick to the gut she pleases. Whether it's your personality, intelligence, actions, or even your weight (my goodness, dude), she clearly enjoys finding new ways to dismantle your self-worth.
It doesn't matter what your personal situation is. No one has a right to misuse a loving partner like that. Moreover, no amount of stress she's dealing with in her own life justifies the treatment you're enduring. You did not enter this relationship to be anyone's punching bag. Work issues, financial issues, staffing issues -- you name it, and it still doesn't excuse calling you fat, idiotic, or any other name in the book.
When a person cares more about the condition of their toilet seat than your feelings, that person doesn't deserve the gift of your love and support. Let that sink in for a second.
Stick around any longer, and she could very well ruin you from the inside out. This is urgent, man. You need to leave as soon as possible.
We got into it today. She started yelling at me for leaving a cup I was about to throw away on the couch. Only reason I didn't throw it away right away was because she came to talk to me. Then out of nowhere she blew up and told me that I don't care about anything and that I don't care about a clean house. Just last Friday I spent four hours cleaning the house with her right before I had to drive 8 hours. Today I told her that I needed to leave and that I can't take the abuse anymore. I changed too much as a person for her just for her to not be happy with me in the end. Sunday night I drove eight hours back, slept a few hours, went to class and slept some more and yesterday I was studying for a test and helped out her for a bit at her daycare and today she was yelling at me for not picking a cup, a pair of socks, and because I left my toothbrush on the sink. I told her that I couldn't do it anymore and that I have too many other things to worry about with school and work. I also told her she needs to find someone that's exactly like her because she doesn't compromise with anything. If I don't do the things she wants me to when she wants me to, she gets upset with me. I work from home and I'm scheduled to work these next two days so I told her I'd stay on the couch and then leave over the weekend. We'll see what happens, I've invested so much into this relationship that it's hard for me to leave.
Edit: The reason for her taking over financial responsibility is because I started going to school full time. I still pay for the AT&T bill, most of our food, the dog food, and the major appliances we got.
Lmao I have no emotions, and I didn't fully realise and appreciate that girls are somewhat emotional. How do I be more affectionate and empathetic?
I feel more akin to a cold and calculated person. I'm more of an advice giver etc than someone who can provide 'woo woo words'. :\ My girl said how she's not feeling so well, I gave advice, and she said 'I don't want advice, I want empathy!' Well shiit... that backfired on me hard.
Help?
edit: shit, she hasn't replied to any of my messages since her last message either.
So I've been looking at stuff nearby, maybe instead of coffee. What about frozen yogurt ? Get your yogurt and then you get to choose what you want to put on it like candy and fruit, sounds kinda fun but if it gets cold in the night. Don't know
Lmao I have no emotions, and I didn't fully realise and appreciate that girls are somewhat emotional. How do I be more affectionate and empathetic?
I feel more akin to a cold and calculated person. I'm more of an advice giver etc than someone who can provide 'woo woo words'. : My girl said how she's not feeling so well, I gave advice, and she said 'I don't want advice, I want empathy!' Well shiit... that backfired on me hard.
Help?
edit: shit, she hasn't replied to any of my messages since her last message either.
I think a lot of ppl don't understand what empathy is.
Empathy is essentially caring about other people and their lives/situations/feelings, and that can manifest in a lot of different ways. When she told you she was sick, did you feel anything for her (typically "that sucks" or something nicer)? Giving advice on how to feel better ("get plenty of rest!") is a common way to show empathy in that situation. If you instead were like "oh well if you hadn't of done x you wouldn't have gotten sick" that is decidedly not empathic.
Also, she's sick dude. She's probably not going to be quick to respond to texts.
The fact that you reacted this way to what seems like a small comment (unless she completely went off on you) makes me think you should look at your behavior and figure out why you reacted the way you did... Because you most likely overreacted.
I think a lot of ppl don't understand what empathy is.
Empathy is essentially caring about other people and their lives/situations/feelings, and that can manifest in a lot of different ways. When she told you she was sick, did you feel anything for her (typically "that sucks" or something nicer)? Giving advice on how to feel better ("get plenty of rest!") is a common way to show empathy in that situation. If you instead were like "oh well if you hadn't of done x you wouldn't have gotten sick" that is decidedly not empathic.
Also, she's sick dude. She's probably not going to be quick to respond to texts.
The fact that you reacted this way to what seems like a small comment (unless she completely went off on you) makes me think you should look at your behavior and figure out why you reacted the way you did... Because you most likely overreacted.
That sucks, but don't stay because you've invested so much into the relationship. Better to get out now then continue being miserable trying to fix things.
Kinda random but does anyone know that comic where these two people are are at a restaurant on a date and then the guy says he likes anime and the girl kinda freaks out?
Kinda random but does anyone know that comic where these two people are are at a restaurant on a date and then the guy says he likes anime and the girl kinda freaks out?
Guys I probably shouldn't be trying to get other dates, right ? or is it fine ? Still have that one date for next week but two others popped up, better to wait and take my time ?
Guys I probably shouldn't be trying to get other dates, right ? or is it fine ? Still have that one date for next week but two others popped up, better to wait and take my time ?
Had an amazing date today, we went to the Tate museum, spent the entire day walking around and talking, taking lots of pics, teasing each other and it was a lot of fun. We're not rushing anything, but it ended with a hug and a kiss and we've been messaging since the date ended. Silly things like certain pieces of art that we both liked, some we didn't, bits about conversations we overheard.
It feels really good, we're getting on well and things are flowing in a really relaxed and laid back way. There were times we didn't talk at all and it didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward, we'd look at each other and smile and that was enough for us to know we were both having a good time.
That's it. I know there's nothing here asking for advice, so I do hope it's OK to post this update.
Meeting once a week isn't that bad. If you both want to make it work, it'll work.
If you want to take the girl out on a ______ date, ask the girl out on a ______ date! That blank can be filled with anything - dinner, lunch, museum, circus... If she's into it, she'll agree, if she isn't (but is into you), she'll suggest something different.
Meeting once a week isn't that bad. If you both want to make it work, it'll work.
If you want to take the girl out on a ______ date, ask the girl out on a ______ date! That blank can be filled with anything - dinner, lunch, museum, circus... If she's into it, she'll agree, if she isn't (but is into you), she'll suggest something different.
Just that it's not the same girl, another one. Just that next week my only day off is filled with that date. But thought maybe I should still make time for this other girl so I just thought a lunch date would work and the week after this upcoming one, I'll see what happens
The girl I thought was ghosting me got back to me and said she suddenly received an e-mail from her ex (who ghosted her after 8 years) and it kind of left her in the mood to not see anyone. Could be BS, but it sucks either way. Seriously the best 1st date I had all year and we have so much in common. Oh well.
Last weekend, I ended up going out with the girl I met at the first POTUS debate, and she falls into the category 98% of my dates do: "she's nice, but." Except, instead of turning it into a marathon date and leading her on, I broke it off after two hours and hung out with my best friend and her friend.
However, herein lies a problem that I don't know how to deal with: I like my best friend's friend. We've hung out together, just the three of us, a few times. My best friend's told me before that she wouldn't set me up with anyone because she'd never want to take "sides," and I've always respected that . . . and yet, the friend gave me her number, and we've been texting and making some tentative plans, along with getting to know each other. And we've got a lot in common. The questionable factor is whether there's any sexual attraction on her part; I simply don't know.
When it comes down to it, I value my friendship more than anything else. And I'd even be friends with the other girl too. (In fact, barring anything else, we are already.)
Anyway, I'm not a complete idiot: if I want to make a move, I know that I ought to float the idea to my best friend first. But I don't want to do that until I've got some idea it'd be well-received. Ordinarily? I wouldn't care; I'm not shy. But this situation calls for some delicacy, I guess. On the other hand, if I knew she weren't interested at all, everything would be fine and I'd happily move along entirely. Just a weird, complicated situation all around.
Just that it's not the same girl, another one. Just that next week my only day off is filled with that date. But thought maybe I should still make time for this other girl so I just thought a lunch date would work and the week after this upcoming one, I'll see what happens
Point remains - if you want to ask her out on a lunch date, ask her out on a lunch date. If she can't, oh well. You wouldn't have had a date anyway if you never asked.
And when we suggest you date multiple people, it carries with it the assumption that you have the time to.
I've been talking to the Chinese girl that I know for a bit and I'm still trying to get a feel on how she is.
We met up after a night class and talked for quite a bit. She low-key invited me out to am event with her in Oakland that covered African American Film, but I had to decline because I'm going to be out of town.
Here's the problems that I'm having. She's graduated and really, REALLY well traveled and experienced in a ton of things. Conversation flows, but she can run laps around me in terms of knowledge, so sometimes, I'm on my toes when speaking to her. I'm still coming along with finishing up school and trying to branch out and do different things.
I'm not easily intimidated, but she makes my general life experience feel so insignificant, though I have a great amount for my age.
Along with that, I have a hard time figuring her out and her intentions. She's single and she's inviting me out to various activities, but I am not sure because she just seems like a really great person in general.
Anyways, we wrapped up the time and she insisted that i add her on Facebook and got hasty because I didn't accept her friend request immediately. After that, we ended up chatting in the parking lot and talking about how her dad suggested that I shouldn't work on her car for her. She wants me to because she trusts me, but we got into it on how much she should pay me.
I told her that she doesn't have to pay me much because I can get work done fairly fast and painless, but she insisted that she pay me more because it didn't seem fair at all. I stopped resisting and said okay.
Anyways, I don't really know what to think. She's a great person to be around, but I don't know if she's communicating what I think she is. Also, I can't help but be somewhat jealous of her accomplishments and experience in life.
Point remains - if you want to ask her out on a lunch date, ask her out on a lunch date. If she can't, oh well. You wouldn't have had a date anyway if you never asked.
And when we suggest you date multiple people, it carries with it the assumption that you have the time to.
Had an amazing date today, we went to the Tate museum, spent the entire day walking around and talking, taking lots of pics, teasing each other and it was a lot of fun. We're not rushing anything, but it ended with a hug and a kiss and we've been messaging since the date ended. Silly things like certain pieces of art that we both liked, some we didn't, bits about conversations we overheard.
It feels really good, we're getting on well and things are flowing in a really relaxed and laid back way. There were times we didn't talk at all and it didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward, we'd look at each other and smile and that was enough for us to know we were both having a good time.
That's it. I know there's nothing here asking for advice, so I do hope it's OK to post this update.
I've been talking to the Chinese girl that I know for a bit and I'm still trying to get a feel on how she is.
We met up after a night class and talked for quite a bit. She low-key invited me out to am event with her in Oakland that covered African American Film, but I had to decline because I'm going to be out of town.
Here's the problems that I'm having. She's graduated and really, REALLY well traveled and experienced in a ton of things. Conversation flows, but she can run laps around me in terms of knowledge, so sometimes, I'm on my toes when speaking to her. I'm still coming along with finishing up school and trying to branch out and do different things.
I'm not easily intimidated, but she makes my general life experience feel so insignificant, though I have a great amount for my age.
Along with that, I have a hard time figuring her out and her intentions. She's single and she's inviting me out to various activities, but I am not sure because she just seems like a really great person in general.
Anyways, we wrapped up the time and she insisted that i add her on Facebook and got hasty because I didn't accept her friend request immediately. After that, we ended up chatting in the parking lot and talking about how her dad suggested that I shouldn't work on her car for her. She wants me to because she trusts me, but we got into it on how much she should pay me.
I told her that she doesn't have to pay me much because I can get work done fairly fast and painless, but she insisted that she pay me more because it didn't seem fair at all. I stopped resisting and said okay.
Anyways, I don't really know what to think. She's a great person to be around, but I don't know if she's communicating what I think she is. Also, I can't help but be somewhat jealous of her accomplishments and experience in life.
Same here, it's stupid. Meeting new people here in the countryside can be a real bitch and Tinder sure ain't helping. Glad to see I'm not the only one with the issue, at least. :lol
My matches also seem to have dried up completely, where I'd usually get a few per week, I think it's been two weeks since I've had a match.
Went on a three hour drive with a women from work who is hot and young and it was a great conversation for the entire car ride. In the words of Seinfeld, there were no awkward pauses. I know she is younger and has a boyfriend and so I am not attracted to her. There is no pressure when I am around her.
I was just then at the pub with a girl I like, is my age and single. Not as physically attractive as the girl from work, but definitely the type of girl I like. So I was with her and I can't think of what to say and I clamped up. It doesn't help she is shy also. I had a quick two minute chat about nothing. Then it was awkward silence and some smiling between her and me and then I just went back to the group of friends at the pub.
I'm putting myself under too much pressure with this girl!
Went on a three hour drive with a women from work who is hot and young and it was a great conversation for the entire car ride. In the words of Seinfeld, there were no awkward pauses. I know she is younger and has a boyfriend and so I am not attracted to her. There is no pressure when I am around her.
I was just then at the pub with a girl I like, is my age and single. Not as physically attractive as the girl from work, but definitely the type of girl I like. So I was with her and I can't think of what to say and I clamped up. It doesn't help she is shy also. I had a quick two minute chat about nothing. Then it was awkward silence and some smiling between her and me and then I just went back to the group of friends at the pub.
I'm putting myself under too much pressure with this girl!
Maybe, at the heart of it, you and she just don't have much in common and this awkwardness you experience with her is evidence of that rather than of you putting pressure on yourself? I found myself doing more or less the same thing tonight until I pulled myself out of the situation for a second and thought to myself, "Why are you interested in this girl?" The best answer I could come up with was that I was attracted to her physically and was desperately hoping for the connection to extend beyond that but, ultimately, there's just not a lot there to justify my interest in her.
Well well well... met up with a girl and her friends from tinder. We had some drinks in down town Louisville, went to Taco Bell, and then I took them back to her house. She invited me in for a little bit and we all talked and they started passing out. She walked me outside and we kissed for a bit. This girl is something else! She's gorgeous and extremely funny.
I know it's a bit irrational to say, but I'm really considering relocating here. Louisville alone seems to have so many opportunities for me, and I've been needing to get away from Arkansas for a while now. Overall a very wonderful night that has helped push me back into reality.
