You're getting dates with it. That's the only experience that matters. Are you seriously second-guessing your app choice, even though it's paying off?
Saw it before the edit...he can't get dates, doesn't know why.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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ZackieChan
Member
A change of scenery will probably do wonders for your mental health and dating game. I say do it!
Has he read the OP?
chicko1983
Member
Yeah, except the first time I met this girl there was great conversation. I got her number even. The more I have grown to like her, the less I seem to be able to say around her. I actually now feel "pressure" when around her, whereas I enjoyed speaking to her when I didn't think I liked her this much. It's annoying.
We have stuff in common but not heaps. I'm actually attracted to her because of her intelligence and independence. She doesn't follow the crowd. Tells people they are wrong, when they are. And she has a great sense of humour.
I have her number and I reckon if I asked her out, she'd say yes. However, I'm not sure it would be a great time. Hence I don't want to ask her at the moment.
I'm not expecting answers in this thread. Just venting.
OrangeGrayBlue
Member
Ah, then yeah, I guess my suggestions don't apply. For what it's worth I think some amount of what you're experiencing is totally normal.
Salamando said:
Basically, yeah.
ZackieChan said:
Not until reading this post admittedly. That said, and I may have skimmed over the pertinent information, I didn't see what in the OP would have been particularly applicable. edit- I guess I should add that, to the best ability of my own self-examination, I'm a guy worth dating. And I really don't think I'm one of those people who is totally deluded about the type of person they are.
2nd edit- To be perfectly honest, I think I'm just having trouble adjusting back into single life (in the original post, I mentioned that I got out of a pretty long relationship about 6 weeks ago). A few disheartening encounters shouldn't get under my skin the way they have been. Which isn't to say that I'm not in a position to be dating, I just think I'm having trouble accepting rejection, having not had to deal with it for so long.
ZackieChan
Member
Better get used to it, homey. It's part of the game. But the rewards for playing can be sweet.
OrangeGrayBlue
Member
Right. I'm just in that turbulent phase of getting back into the swing of things. Probably shouldn't have posted.
Lol, it's fine if you post. If you're getting into the swing of things, feel free to ask questions.
Just don't date because you *need* someone in your life, date because you *want* someone in your life.
IIRC it was a wall of text post about how online dating sucks because he got ghosted a couple of times, no one responds to messages, etc etc.
I was gonna reply before he edited it that he's putting way too much thought, time, and effort into it. People can almost smell the desperation from those types of profiles and you will get zero results.
Night, I agree with Zackie that a move might be good for you. I think you probably associate a lot of places where you are living now with your ex ("oh there's that Taco Bell where we used to get chalupas" and the like). Anyway, good on you for getting out there a bit.
I was gonna reply before he edited it that he's putting way too much thought, time, and effort into it. People can almost smell the desperation from those types of profiles and you will get zero results.
Night, I agree with Zackie that a move might be good for you. I think you probably associate a lot of places where you are living now with your ex ("oh there's that Taco Bell where we used to get chalupas" and the like). Anyway, good on you for getting out there a bit.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Maybe go on a trip or something. 6 weeks is not that much time. Perhaps you need to get back to seeig how much fun you can have single and learning you can enjoy stuff on your own before you start dating again. I don't mean this as my normal snarky self either.
I think you may just need some time to put stuff in perspective before you start looking again.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Not really, you have to find them out yourself, but since there is a work connection, breaking it off (if it comes to that) might be very awkward.
It's a third-hand connection, not really worried about that. We seem to have more in common than I'd expect people 13 years apart to have, though.
Just that I never heard of the app before but decided to try it out
ZackieChan
Member
The point is that you should chill a bit
Yeah going to just see what happens, everybody has an opinion on how to do things. Have to figure out by myself. Just have a good time
Liquid_015
Gold Member
I don't know what to make of any of this (stated my case earlier in the thread around page 15):-
- After dinner, I was commuting home via the metro. I ran into person X with person Y (both of which I know). The next day, she messages me (asks what I was doing and that she likes the tshirt I wore since we bought it together) and we talk over the weekend non-stop. As the conversations spills over to Sunday, she asks me to dinner and drinks - in which I agree.
- Another instance, we were having dinner the same week, and we were talking about partying and meeting people. I said something along the long the lines of "not interested in meeting females at the club since it doesn't amount to anything serious". Then she asks what I was looking for in a female... in which I avoided the question but answered it later. Of course, I am naturally inclined to ask the same, but she simply said she would answer it another time.
- Over time, she's been messaging me and has become more receptive compared to the past - even as she's with her friends traveling.
- Please note, I have known her for quite some time. We have been going out for dinners, drinks, outdoor activities, theaters, shopping, and just simply hanging out.
- Already told her how I felt a month or so ago, and the instances I mentioned above is after the fact that I told how I felt about her. Her response at the time:she isn't sure what she wants, wants to know me better, been single for quite some time.
- And yes, she's still receptive to go out (please see above).
- After dinner, I was commuting home via the metro. I ran into person X with person Y (both of which I know). The next day, she messages me (asks what I was doing and that she likes the tshirt I wore since we bought it together) and we talk over the weekend non-stop. As the conversations spills over to Sunday, she asks me to dinner and drinks - in which I agree.
- Another instance, we were having dinner the same week, and we were talking about partying and meeting people. I said something along the long the lines of "not interested in meeting females at the club since it doesn't amount to anything serious". Then she asks what I was looking for in a female... in which I avoided the question but answered it later. Of course, I am naturally inclined to ask the same, but she simply said she would answer it another time.
- Over time, she's been messaging me and has become more receptive compared to the past - even as she's with her friends traveling.
- Please note, I have known her for quite some time. We have been going out for dinners, drinks, outdoor activities, theaters, shopping, and just simply hanging out.
- Already told her how I felt a month or so ago, and the instances I mentioned above is after the fact that I told how I felt about her. Her response at the time:she isn't sure what she wants, wants to know me better, been single for quite some time.
- And yes, she's still receptive to go out (please see above).
Eh, I think once you get into your late 20's, the whole age thing starts to matter less and less. A lot of people kind of flip a switch once they are around 25 or so and that's when being a "real" adult begins.
I would say to maybe look out to make sure she isn't looking for someone to take care her (the "princess" syndrome), someone younger that she thinks she can manipulate, and/or someone that will get into a serious relationship/marriage right away. I definitely ran into a lot of all types of women 35+ like that when I was dating. But just make a date and get to know her from something other than texting, which ends up telling you really very little about the person.
Have you been on an actual date with her or is it "hanging out"? I think she is fine with the relationship as it is. Essentially you are acting like a boyfriend but she is not having to put in the effort to be your girlfriend. She is getting the attention and self esteem boost but having the out that she can always say "we're just friends". If you want something more from it, the connection really isn't there IMO. The whole "I need to know you more" is a huge red flag for me. To be blunt, if you want a girlfriend/relationship and she doesn't, it's time to move on. She's either indecisive/flaky or just straight up manipulating you.
BTW are you paying for these pseudo-dates?
Liquid_015
Gold Member
Yeah, I've been on numerous dates so to speak i.e., grabbing dinner, drinks, movies, and etc... Just this past week (as mentioned in my original post), she said she got socks for her guy friends and she told me to pick a pair (although I suppose it doesn't mean much).
Could you elaborate more on the red flag pertaining to the "she wants to know me more"?
Well, in terms of payment, we would alternate each time we meet up for dinner. For example, I would pay the first time and the next time she would either offer to pay, or pay for the bill. But of course, I've been paying for majority of the dinners which I don't mind.
ZackieChan
Member
Those don't sound like dates.
It's a phrase a lot of women use in online dating when they want to brush someone off without hurting their feelings/creating drama.
She knows you well enough to hang out with you and have you pay for things, but not enough to date you? Seems suspect to me. Like I said, you're being a boyfriend without actually being in a relationship. You should have cut things off after you admitted you wanted more and she gave you that BS answer. Don't be the "nice guy" that waits around forever waiting to do or say that one oh so special thing that eventually wins her heart. That shit only happens in movies.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. 😓 I get it through, but it's hard not to be jealous.
Funny thing is that I sort of mentioned how what she has done so far makes my experiences seem so minute while she was massaging my head and performing acupressure lol
Ugh, I'll just aee how it pans out. She's a great person, so i don't really want to let go of something that could be more if I actually try. I just have to get rid of my honest insecurities, but that will be hard because I've been one to compare myself to people.
I guess what matters is that we both know there's something that makes us work together well.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Two of my good friends dated each other before. They broke up and moved on, but I'm still friends with both of them (we just don't hang out with all three of us anymore). If one of them had come to me with the idea of dating the other, I wouldn't say no. I'm not their parent. And while I only heard of the circumstances of their break-up from one of them, I didn't take sides.
I think in your case, if you dated and then broke up, you just wouldn't see the friend anymore, but retain your best friend.
Liquid_015
Gold Member
so what exactly are they?To be precise, I don't always pay for everything but I do make an effort to pay. I'm not sure what to do, as I've invested quite a lot into this.
Although I am not sure what she does outside of her free time, or who she hangs out with... but why would she always say yes when I initiate an activity? From my perspective, most females would have fucked me the hell off a long time ago.
Unless emplied specifically as dates or a way to get to know each other on a romantic level it seems like it's just spending time together as any two or three+ friends would be doing.
I don't really know your situation, but that's what I've taken away from Zack's comment.
Liquid_015
Gold Member
I suppose its been 5 or so months since we met, but I guess it's subjective depending on our respective definition of dating. I would have thought that spending time together would be considered dating much more so than just "being friends". It fucking hurts though - i'm not sure what to do or how to proceed. I mean sometimes I get the feelings it's getting intimate, but sometimes I am not sure what to think.
For example, she didn't have to message me that she's on her way to the hotel, or that she just finished packing late into the night, and etc...
after reading your situation, it sounds like you're messing up.
From what I'm seeing in this, you're committing yourself to just a friendship and it seems one sided.. Understand that you need to move on. Nothing, besides your time and money, is going to come out of the relationship that you currently have.
I also suggest you just tone everything down when it comes to contacting her. I'm not saying ghost her, but you have to let her know that you aren't seeing anything coming from the relationship. If she respects that, she'll be just a friend, if not, you have another reason to phase her out.
She likes the attention and you paying for things but she doesn't like you in a romantic way. If she was really your friend, it would concern her that you feel the way you do and she doesn't, and she definitely would stop having you pay for your "dates". You keep going down this path and you'll have fun picking out socks for her guy friends (wtf?) and getting heartache and blue balls while you pine away for her with an empty wallet.
That's nothing in the realm of intimate. It's dumbass small talk because she's needy and is bored and wants the attention.
You've known her for 5 months but she says she needs to know you more to date you? Come on, dude.
She's playing you. She doesn't care about your feelings. Just stop talking to her. She'll find someone else to toy with soon enough.
To be precise, I don't always pay for everything but I do make an effort to pay. I'm not sure what to do, as I've invested quite a lot into this.
Although I am not sure what she does outside of her free time, or who she hangs out with... but why would she always say yes when I initiate an activity? From my perspective, most females would have fucked me the hell off a long time ago.
Unfortunately your investment means nothing. Some girls like having guys around like that. If she was into you you'd know. The whole "she wants to get to know you better" bothers me though, she knows you're interested but is dangling that. Move on unless you can handle being just friends and going dutch on everything. But I'm guessing this has hurt enough you don't want to be around her in that way.
Liquid_015
Gold Member
I suppose it's just me being stubborn and not willing to let go. I mean I usually have a gut feeling when a girl simply wants the attention, but somehow I don't get that "type" of vibe from her.
Sad truth is no matter how much you 'invest' in a relationship the other person can drop you in a hot minute if there's isn't a deep emotional connection. So dump her and move on. When you find someone who's right for you, you'll click almost immediately, and won't have to worry about this shit.
To be precise, I don't always pay for everything but I do make an effort to pay. I'm not sure what to do, as I've invested quite a lot into this.
Although I am not sure what she does outside of her free time, or who she hangs out with... but why would she always say yes when I initiate an activity? From my perspective, most females would have fucked me the hell off a long time ago.
If you've been "dating" for 5 months and haven't kissed or made out yet, you need to bail.
Gives me an opportunity to post this video. Not to be taken 100% seriously.
ZackieChan
Member
Have you kissed her after these 5 months of "dates"? If there's romantic attraction, physical stuff follows pretty soon. You should know after the first date if there's something there. Sounds like there isn't. Stop being stubborn and move on. It's possible that this will make her realize that she digs you, but most likely she'll just fade away and find another guy. You'll be better off, believe me.
Liquid_015
Gold Member
That's true -- the mutual attraction should be natural.
Yeah we haven't kissed at all. But hey, I suppose you're right. I'll have to see how it goes from here on out. I think I've done enough for one person, and I should probably jump ships at this point.
radioactivez0r
Member
How did nobody see this!?!?
ZackieChan
Member
You're still in denial.
There's no "probably" about it. Either accept that you're just friends or cut contact.
I think so too. Even if nothing advances with this girl, I still felt alive again, for the first time in forever. This is a beautiful city with wonderful night life, so much potential.
And for the first time in a while, I met someone and wasn't thinking about my ex, or comparing every little thing to her. Felt so liberating
ZackieChan
Member
Keep going!
I know the answer to this is almost certainly gonna be "no", but - if you came across as a bit needy/chasing with one girl would there be any way to recover that? Part of the problem with the girl I mentioned before is that I came across as a bit too eager I think...she's one of the few girls I've met that really thinks and sees things the way I do (at least that's the impression I got from one date) and I just got a little too excited about that.
Don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes up here, but I'm thinking of sending a light text in a month or two and if she responds positively to that put the ball in her court for a meet.
The good news is that I won't be lacking for options as my Tinder matches have gotten higher. Having a good profile really helps - and I've changed my approach for openers which has led to more quality conversations.
Don't worry, I'm not getting my hopes up here, but I'm thinking of sending a light text in a month or two and if she responds positively to that put the ball in her court for a meet.
The good news is that I won't be lacking for options as my Tinder matches have gotten higher. Having a good profile really helps - and I've changed my approach for openers which has led to more quality conversations.
Except the ball is already in her court. If she was interested you wouldn't be thinking about planning some text a month from now just to get her attention.
You gotta move on, bang them Tinder ladies.
Yeah you're probably right, just it was such a good date and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt since she said she had a really bad breakup where the guy disappeared on her. First time I've had a hard time accepting something like this, but it's probably for the best.
I know what you mean. I had a good rapport with a girl and she went silent on me. Texted one last time about a date and never heard back. I also know she just got out of a breakup from a long-term thing so maybe she was hesitant, but I can't assume everything about her.
I even, like you, was thinking "well...maybe one more text" but then just said "no...if she was into it, she'd be into it. Simple as that." The "one more text" thing is the downfall of many. It's the modern-day version of that scene from Swingers where Mike is constantly leaving messages on a machine.
Well in my case, it's not an assumption, she specifically cited the breakup. Could be something else, but yeah.
One thing's for sure though - my attitude on ghosting has changed a bit. I can't control or get upset about other's actions, and I can see how some situations might warrant it (ie the guy getting a little pushy and the girl worrying about a nasty response), but it's not something I'd like doing myself, and the few times I've done it I've felt pretty bad about it. Gonna be upfront unless the girl is crazy or can't take a hint.
One thing's for sure though - my attitude on ghosting has changed a bit. I can't control or get upset about other's actions, and I can see how some situations might warrant it (ie the guy getting a little pushy and the girl worrying about a nasty response), but it's not something I'd like doing myself, and the few times I've done it I've felt pretty bad about it. Gonna be upfront unless the girl is crazy or can't take a hint.
names2hard4you
Member
Alright folks, about to meet the date. Wish me luck!
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm just avoiding this by giving my number to girls instead of putting them on the spot and getting a pity number. I just go on with life and if they were genuinely interested when we were "hitting it off," they'll respond. It keeps from wasting time.
Exactly - when I give out my contact info on Tinder I'm the first to do it. Typically on websites I ask for the date first before giving my info though.
I've had a couple of instances years ago where I just handed a girl my number and it led to dates. (I mainly just use online dating these days though).
I've had a couple of instances years ago where I just handed a girl my number and it led to dates. (I mainly just use online dating these days though).
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