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[WolfeTone]

How do you folks handle ending things with someone you're seeing?

I wouldn't even use the term 'break up' in this case, because I was only dating this girl casually for about a month and we were both on board with the fact that it was non-exclusive. There were a couple of things about her that we're bugging me so I decided to end it. She fought me on every single point, promising that she would change, she'd be less annoying, let's just give it a break for a week or two and see how we feel etc etc. She said anything and everything to get me not to end it. It fucking sucked having to tell her that I don't see much worth fighting for. I guess she just had more invested in it than me.

I guess bluntly, how do I get to the point where I can end things without feeling like a complete asshole? How to crush people pleasing tendencies?

 

[Spinluck]

At least half of you fuckers are weird in text, going by this thread 😄😄😄

Including me

I already know I'm a weird texter, but it's the good kind of weird.

 

[Prologue]

Would you ask out a girl if she had a boyfriend? In a 4 year grad program. she's a 3rd and I'm a second.


Don't know how serious it is. First noticed her during orientation and can't help but glance at her whenever we cross paths. Girl is incredibly passionate about what she does and just plain bubbly and positive with everything else. Just want to get to know her more.

I guess just keep living my life until they break up while I'm still in school? Its been a year, the feeling hasn't gone away. I just haven't felt like this before, or if I have, not for a long time.

 

[dcelw540]

Would you ask out a girl if she had a boyfriend? In a 4 year grad program. she's a 3rd and I'm a second.


Don't know how serious it is. First noticed her during orientation and can't help but glance at her whenever we cross paths. Girl is incredibly passionate about what she does and just plain bubbly and positive with everything else. Just want to get to know her more.

I guess just keep living my life until they break up while I'm still in school? Its been a year, the feeling hasn't gone away. I just haven't felt like this before, or if I have, not for a long time.

Don't involve yourself in the relationship just wait, if they break up then move in. The most I would do is introduce yourself or just become acquainted so if they break up you're not a complete stranger.

 

[Prologue]

Don't involve yourself in the relationship just wait, if they break up then move in. The most I would do is introduce yourself or just become acquainted so if they break up you're not a complete stranger.

Yeah we talk here and there to begin with. I'm attracted to other people in my own class. Just something about this one.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Would you ask out a girl if she had a boyfriend?

Read this out loud to yourself. Does this sound like a good idea?

 

[gwailo]

How do you folks handle ending things with someone you're seeing?

I wouldn't even use the term 'break up' in this case, because I was only dating this girl casually for about a month and we were both on board with the fact that it was non-exclusive. There were a couple of things about her that we're bugging me so I decided to end it. She fought me on every single point, promising that she would change, she'd be less annoying, let's just give it a break for a week or two and see how we feel etc etc. She said anything and everything to get me not to end it. It fucking sucked having to tell her that I don't see much worth fighting for. I guess she just had more invested in it than me.

I guess bluntly, how do I get to the point where I can end things without feeling like a complete asshole? How to crush people pleasing tendencies?

Text her that you don't think it's going to work out and you don't want to see her any more, delete her contact info, move on.

Prologue, you're in college, quit wasting time crushing on a girl that's in a relationship.

 

[Prologue]

Read this out loud to yourself. Does this sound like a good idea?

Text her that you don't think it's going to work out and you don't want to see her any more, delete her contact info, move on.

Prologue, you're in college, quit wasting time crushing on a girl that's in a relationship.

I'm in a grad program and I've tried!

I've had relationships in the past. Crushes too and I followed through on. But wanting to get to know her is a stronger emotion than I felt with past women. I've dated since orientation and that feeling is still there and its been a year.

 

[Xun]

Weirdest outcome to a date I've ever had, but at the same time I can't say I'm at all surprised. She almost wanted me to be taken back by it, but I wasn't at all shocked to be honest.

She has a long time (girl) partner, and essentially wants a guy/casual boyfriend to go to one of their "parties" which she said I'm more than welcome to go to at anytime. I had a feeling it was something along those lines based on how she was chatting in text, but I still wasn't sure.

I want something casual so I'm intrigued to say the least, but at the same time I'm not entirely sure what to do.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

What do you mean by parties? Like swinger parties?

If they're looking to add you into some sort of poly relationship, those generally don't work well because people will catch feels and one of the partners can end up being left out in the cold.

She specifically said they turned into orgies...

 

[Lulubop]

She specifically said they turned into orgies...

Can I come?

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm in a grad program and I've tried!

I've had relationships in the past. Crushes too and I followed through on. But wanting to get to know her is a stronger emotion than I felt with past women. I've dated since orientation and that feeling is still there and its been a year.

Date other people. Don't wait for this one. You could end up waiting forever.

 

[gaiages]

I'm in a grad program and I've tried!

I've had relationships in the past. Crushes too and I followed through on. But wanting to get to know her is a stronger emotion than I felt with past women. I've dated since orientation and that feeling is still there and its been a year.

Lol

She's ALREADY IN A REALTIONSHIP. Just let it go bro. Plenty of other eligible women that you don't have to pine after one with a boyfriend already.

If you can't deal with that, then don't talk to her. Don't prepare to "swoop in" or whatever on the off chance her or her bf break up.

 

[Prologue]

Lol

She's ALREADY IN A REALTIONSHIP. Just let it go bro. Plenty of other eligible women that you don't have to pine after one with a boyfriend already.

If you can't deal with that, then don't talk to her. Don't prepare to "swoop in" or whatever on the off chance her or her bf break up.

Date other people. Don't wait for this one. You could end up waiting forever.

Alright alright! Understood.

 

[ZackieChan]

Alright alright! Understood.

Mother fuckers always trying to ice skate uphill 😎

 

[WolfeTone]

Text her that you don't think it's going to work out and you don't want to see her any more, delete her contact info, move on.

I'd do this with someone I'd met once or maybe twice, but if I've seen someone a bunch of times, had sex, sleepovers etc. it just feels a little cold.

 

[Clark W Grizwald]

Ill be careful, so far its been positive. but did you do their guided communication or the Email.

It depends. Lately I just go straight to email. Usually about 3 emails before I exchange phone numbers. 9 times out of 10 you can tell how its going to end up by the emails. If they give one word/ one sentence replies then I don't even bother responding.

 

[Clark W Grizwald]

There are a bunch of reasons why people gain weight. It's not just "yo I wanna put on 50lbs just cause". That said this is not a thread about weight gain or exercising and definitely not about judging people so this line of discussion should end here.

I was referring to dating site profiles where girls say how fit and active they are but when you meet them in person you find out that is FAR from the truth. I wasn't trying to come off like a dick. My aplogies.

 

[dskillzhtown]

I'd do this with someone I'd met once or maybe twice, but if I've seen someone a bunch of times, had sex, sleepovers etc. it just feels a little cold.

You said this in your post - "I wouldn't even use the term 'break up' in this case, because I was only dating this girl casually for about a month and we were both on board with the fact that it was non-exclusive. .

In your mind it was a casual sex relationship and she thought it was or would develop into more. You need to just tell her it's over and block her. She is going to hold on to that dream that you two will be together forever if you don't. I had a similar situation where we didn't even have sex. We went out 4 times, kissed twice, she came to my house twice and I told her I didn't think it was working and she wouldn't get the hint. I kept trying to be nice, but that kept backfiring so I just had to ignore her calls, texts, etc. She finally got the message, I think.

Sometimes you just have to be a jerk or be cold as hell for people to get the message.

 

[gwailo]

It's going to be a similar situation to the poster earlier in the thread that had a three hour talk and didn't even end up breaking it off.

It's been a month, neither party should have that much invested. Just break it off.

 

[WolfeTone]

You said this in your post - "I wouldn't even use the term 'break up' in this case, because I was only dating this girl casually for about a month and we were both on board with the fact that it was non-exclusive. .

In your mind it was a casual sex relationship and she thought it was or would develop into more. You need to just tell her it's over and block her. She is going to hold on to that dream that you two will be together forever if you don't. I had a similar situation where we didn't even have sex. We went out 4 times, kissed twice, she came to my house twice and I told her I didn't think it was working and she wouldn't get the hint. I kept trying to be nice, but that kept backfiring so I just had to ignore her calls, texts, etc. She finally got the message, I think.

Sometimes you just have to be a jerk or be cold as hell for people to get the message.

Yeah I guess I just sensed a level of involvement from her that warranted more than a text dumping. But you're right, that's her problem if she gets over-invested, especially since we agreed to keep things casual initially.

To be fair to her, this girl hasn't messaged me since I broke it off so blocking her doesn't really seem necessary. I'd like to keep things relatively amicable.

Thanks for the advice folks.

 

[AnAnole]

So, a few weeks ago I went out with this girl I met on Bumble. We met at a bar the same day she messaged me and immediately I could tell things were going well. Within 5 minutes she broke the touch barrier with me and she was basically doing everything she could to make me notice her amazing legs, including randomly tugging at the top of her skirt to reveal more of her thigh. We had a lot to talk about and she laughed a lot. I was feeling pretty confident and eventually started massaging her back. We eventually made out for a while at her car. I didn't want to push my luck so I asked what her plans were afterwards. She said she was tired and we agreed to go out again in a few days.

The next morning I told her I had a great time and she said she did as well, but when I asked her if she was free in the next few days, she said she had to take car of some work stuff but she would be available next weekend. OK, I believed her, but then she started giving very terse replies whenever I messaged her, as if she suddenly wasn't interested in me anymore. In fact, she didn't even reply when I asked her if she still wanted to do anything the following weekend. I figured I had been ghosted. Oh well, time to move on. That was like 2 weeks ago.

Today, she randomly messaged me out of the blue and now she's desperate to see me again. Since the chemistry seemed so great on the first date, I kind of want to go out with her again, but I'm weary of possible headcases. Oh, she's gorgeous, so that's probably a huge factor in me not just blowing her off. I'm so conflicted.

 

[Llyranor]

Well, her other plans probably fell through. Up to you to decide if you're okay with her ignoring you for 2 weeks and the likelihood of that happening again.

 

[bluethree]

Go ahead and have fun but with no expectations. I wouldn't completely give up on someone who did that but I'd be weary, and she wouldn't be someone I'd expect something serious out of. And continue dating other girls yourself, of course (and prioritize the ones who are better at giving you their time).

 

[Lulubop]

So, a few weeks ago I went out with this girl I met on Bumble. We met at a bar the same day she messaged me and immediately I could tell things were going well. Within 5 minutes she broke the touch barrier with me and she was basically doing everything she could to make me notice her amazing legs, including randomly tugging at the top of her skirt to reveal more of her thigh. We had a lot to talk about and she laughed a lot. I was feeling pretty confident and eventually started massaging her back. We eventually made out for a while at her car. I didn't want to push my luck so I asked what her plans were afterwards. She said she was tired and we agreed to go out again in a few days.

The next morning I told her I had a great time and she said she did as well, but when I asked her if she was free in the next few days, she said she had to take car of some work stuff but she would be available next weekend. OK, I believed her, but then she started giving very terse replies whenever I messaged her, as if she suddenly wasn't interested in me anymore. In fact, she didn't even reply when I asked her if she still wanted to do anything the following weekend. I figured I had been ghosted. Oh well, time to move on. That was like 2 weeks ago.

Today, she randomly messaged me out of the blue and now she's desperate to see me again. Since the chemistry seemed so great on the first date, I kind of want to go out with her again, but I'm weary of possible headcases. Oh, she's gorgeous, so that's probably a huge factor in me not just blowing her off. I'm so conflicted.

Probably just looking for some action. If that's ok with you, then go get it homie.

 

[Armadilo]

I'm just going to give up trying to get a girlfriend, just seems like I have awful luck as the girls that I ask on a date all have boyfriends.

Maybe the time will come when somebody wants to go out, but I'll just go back to what I was usually doing .... Kicks rock and walks away

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm just going to give up trying to get a girlfriend, just seems like I have awful luck as the girls that I ask on a date all have boyfriends.

Maybe the time will come when somebody wants to go out, but I'll just go back to what I was usually doing .... Kicks rock and walks away

That's the spirit!

The girls on online dating don't have boyfriends, btw. Try that again. Don't get so discouraged. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

 

[Kieli]

I'm just going to give up trying to get a girlfriend, just seems like I have awful luck as the girls that I ask on a date all have boyfriends.

Maybe the time will come when somebody wants to go out, but I'll just go back to what I was usually doing .... Kicks rock and walks away

Girls tell me they have boyfriends within the 30 seconds of first-time conversation as if they're afraid I'll like them. >.<

 

[Armadilo]

That's the spirit!

The girls on online dating don't have boyfriends, btw. Try that again. Don't get so discouraged. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

I'll try again later, I feel desperate. So that's why I need to stop trying. I was trying but it seemed nobody was interested. From the two dates that I had planned turned to nothing as they cancelled on me and they stopped texting me. I thought I was doing it right by not over texting them, just a normal chat but even then nothing happened.

I need to figure myself out. I'm tired of feeling desperate. I don't want that mentality of feeling like I'm not good enough for them. I Will try again later and maybe I will have something figured out. Who knows..

-I deleted the dating apps and I feel like that was something for the better, no thread this time

 

[Valkerionseven]

That's the spirit!

The girls on online dating don't have boyfriends, btw. Try that again. Don't get so discouraged. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

Not the ones here...

There is a specific dating app here in Japan that lets you list and look for people who are married/dating someone lol. Along with singles too obviously, but yeah.... haha.

I too need to get on the dating app train. I have tinder and the above mentioned one, but never actually looked at them or through them to see my actual matches. In the case of Tinder its mostly women looking for foreigner friends to look cool or teach them English. I have on my profile for that to look somewhere else lol. Still got a few matches but never messaged them. One of my friends has a ton of luck with Tinder though, at the same time shes blonde and British so the dudes come clamoring for her haha.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'll try again later, I feel desperate. So that's why I need to stop trying. I was trying but it seemed nobody was interested. From the two dates that I had planned turned to nothing as they cancelled on me and they stopped texting me. I thought I was doing it right by not over texting them, just a normal chat but even then nothing happened.

I need to figure myself out. I'm tired of feeling desperate. I don't want that mentality of feeling like I'm not good enough for them. I Will try again later and maybe I will have something figured out. Who knows..

-I deleted the dating apps and I feel like that was something for the better, no thread this time

Do you have good photos on your profiles? I know from your past thread that you hate smiling - maybe you're giving off a weird vibe. Take the hoodie off!

 

[gaiages]

Girls tell me they have boyfriends within the 30 seconds of first-time conversation as if they're afraid I'll like them. >.<

For whatever reason some guys think that a girl so much as saying "hi" is a sign of attraction, and get upset when she has a bf or not looking, it's probably just a preemptive "lemme make sure this guy ain't trying to get in my pants"

For a good example, search for the "Did I just get dated?" thread and the responses >·>

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Girls tell me they have boyfriends within the 30 seconds of first-time conversation as if they're afraid I'll like them. >.<

That's great imo. Then you don't have to waste any time.

I went to the bar last month, noticed it was this girls birthday (classic birthday ribbon) and started talking. Probably 1 minute in she's like "sorry I have a bf". And I'm like "oh that's cool" and I'm on my way.

Do you really wanna spend time on somethimg that is goimg no where? If all you want is friendship you just ignore the comment. Not like that info should change your approach if its genuine.

It's literally win win.

 

[kingkaiser]

Girls tell me they have boyfriends within the 30 seconds of first-time conversation as if they're afraid I'll like them. >.<

Story of my fucking life. It's like a curse. At least I am not alone... ;-)

 

[jadedm17]

Today's events :

- Mom sends picture of beautiful woman who looks exactly like Jennifer Lawrence and asks what I think.
- Evades the topic of how she met young woman and discusses giving her my FB.
- Learn young woman is daughter if mother's friend, met at the Trump rally
- Try to educate my mom on the last 24 hours of Trump and NY Times/Miss America/etc
- Fight with mom, teach her nothing even though her granddaughter is 15.

I'm sick of dating and I'm sick of this position America has found itself.

Thanks for listening.

Spoiler

Do I go out with Jennifer Lawrence's twin who supports Trump? Florida is as backward as they say.

 

[Spinluck]

Personally, I wouldn't date anyone I met at a Trump rally.

Sex? Maybe, yes.

 

[diaspora]

Personally, I wouldn't date anyone I met at a Trump rally.

Sex? Maybe, yes.

Fixed.

Spoiler

For me anyway.

 

[WolfeTone]

Today's events :

- Mom sends picture of beautiful woman who looks exactly like Jennifer Lawrence and asks what I think.
- Evades the topic of how she met young woman and discusses giving her my FB.
- Learn young woman is daughter if mother's friend, met at the Trump rally
- Try to educate my mom on the last 24 hours of Trump and NY Times/Miss America/etc
- Fight with mom, teach her nothing even though her granddaughter is 15.

I'm sick of dating and I'm sick of this position America has found itself.

Thanks for listening.

Spoiler

Do I go out with Jennifer Lawrence's twin who supports Trump? Florida is as backward as they say.

Personally I'd never go on a date with one of my mother's friends' daughters. My mom's friends are crazy.

I hear of this happening a lot, 'oh I sat next to this lady on the bus and she showed me a photo of her daughter and gave me her number for you'. But I've never actually heard of someone going through with it and meeting the person.

Have any of you Dating Age Gafers ever tried it? Seems like it could be so awkward.

 

[ZeronosVega]

- Learn young woman is daughter if mother's friend, met at the Trump rally

Nope Nope Nope.

 

[Lucian Cat]

Watched his band play last night and fangirled hard. I'd seen them a bunch of times before but this time was more fun.

We're not at the stage of saying we're in a relationship yet but we're exclusive and it's implied. I'm happy.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Still exploring things with my friend's friend (Legally Blonde). We went out for a drink -- and just one, oddly enough -- last night; she excused herself to let her dog out; and we parted ways. This was, I guess, our first proper "date," unless you count dinner at her place last weekend, which occurred while we were still friends.

She asked what I was doing this weekend. "Something with you," I replied. I've got to be flexible because of her work schedule, so I'm figuring out what I'd like to do and will be ready to suggest some options. We're also going to the ballet the week after next, which is . . . kinda planning for the future, but I haven't bought tickets yet, since she was supposed to confirm when some other friends of hers were going.

The weirdest thing is that, this entire week, my friend has been relatively nonresponsive. We usually text every single day. It's been more intermittent. She's claimed she's been sick, but I honestly don't know if there's something else going on. But we're going to the theatre tomorrow night, so I guess I'll find out.

 

[jadedm17]

...

Have any of you Dating Age Gafers ever tried it? Seems like it could be so awkward.

If the risk is a little awkwardness and the rewards anywhere from a new friend to a life-long partner then I'll absolutely give it a try; I'm 29, single and would love to settle down, so I'm not ruling out any possible avenue of finding "the one". Work romances - for example - are fine at non-serious jobs (such as serving tables, like I do) or places you can leave or have no real interaction with said person.

This is of course of the mindset of honesty, communication and relationship-oriented : If you're just looking to hook up or lie then definitely do not date in the same circle of family friends.

Nope Nope Nope.

Google Jennifer Lawrence. You now what she looks like.
(Admittedly Florida is full of well-meaning misguided beautiful young woman; I work with at least a dozen of them.)

 

[Watevaman]

Watched his band play last night and fangirled hard. I'd seen them a bunch of times before but this time was more fun.

We're not at the stage of saying we're in a relationship yet but we're exclusive and it's implied. I'm happy.

I imagine being involved with someone in the band makes the show much more intense, both emotionally and physically. Glad things are going well!

 

[gwailo]

If the risk is a little awkwardness and the rewards anywhere from a new friend to a life-long partner then I'll absolutely give it a try; I'm 29, single and would love to settle down, so I'm not ruling out any possible avenue of finding "the one". Work romances - for example - are fine at non-serious jobs (such as serving tables, like I do) or places you can leave or have no real interaction with said person.

This is of course of the mindset of honesty, communication and relationship-oriented : If you're just looking to hook up or lie then definitely do not date in the same circle of family friends.



Google Jennifer Lawrence. You now what she looks like.
(Admittedly Florida is full of well-meaning misguided beautiful young woman; I work with at least a dozen of them.)

There's plenty of good looking women who don't believe in bat shit crazy philosophies. Obviously this is a big issue for you; I wouldn't waste your time. Even if you want casual sex, she may be a conservative and want you to propose before you can start holding hands.

 

[Llyranor]

Well-meaning misguided lmao

 

[ZeronosVega]

Google Jennifer Lawrence. You now what she looks like.
(Admittedly Florida is full of well-meaning misguided beautiful young woman; I work with at least a dozen of them.)

I know who Jennifer Lawrence is and she is indeed quite beautiful. However, beauty cannot cover up a rotten set of values for long. And I'm well aware about Florida and the southeastern U.S.. I'm Tallahassee-born and reside in South Georgia just 30 minutes from Florida's border. That sort of thing is, sadly, quite prevalent. I've met a number of women that I found attractive until I realized they were hyper conservative which would clash with my liberal self.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Google Jennifer Lawrence. You now what she looks like.
(Admittedly Florida is full of well-meaning misguided beautiful young woman; I work with at least a dozen of them.)

You sound ridiculous saying this for reference. For someone claiming there are lots of "misguided" pretty girls out there it's funny that you are completely unaware of how obnoxious this comes across as.

Anytime I read a story about girls not knowing what they want or not being smart enough to reach their own conclusions I throw up a little. Please, instead of trying to save these girls from themselves, save us from having to read this garbage.

 

[M52B28]

That's great imo. Then you don't have to waste any time.

Do you really wanna spend time on somethimg that is goimg no where? If all you want is friendship you just ignore the comment. Not like that info should change your approach if its genuine.

It's literally win win.

.

Gets potential problems out of the way.

 

[M52B28]

It's safe for me to mention that whatever's there is not there anymore, right?

Earlier this month, I mentioned a girl that came on strong and asked me out to do activities with her randomly. She asked for my number, added me to Facebook later that week and we would meet up after night class to talk more.

Sadly, I had to cut down her advancements and invitations apart from our small meetups due to various things going on in life, but I instated that I'd love to do something other than the usual with her.

Ever since she insisted on me adding her on Facebook and her inviting me out, I kind of stopped bothering, especially since she's spotty with her communicating.

I'm wondering if it was just nothing in the first place. She's a great person, so I wouldn't mind just being friends with her, but I wouldn't mind anything more than that as well.

 

[ZackieChan]

I have no idea what you're asking. But it sounds like your making something simple into something difficult and complicated. Mirror her engagement.

 

[Clay Davis]

Morning dating gaf. Everyone doing well?

I was hoping to get some advice. It's been going good with the girl I'm seeing but last night we had an argument about how to define our relationship. She wanted me to confirm that we're exclusive, to which I did, I asked her the same and she confirmed the same but somehow the conversation became about why she had to bring it up and that she felt that even though I agreed to be exclusive, she didn't feel I was fully committed and that I was being distance. I told her that I wasn't but she wouldn't it let it go and kept saying that she needed to know I was committed and I needed to show her I was by letting her in.

I've been open about my past with her, she's been open with me and I thought I was opening up and letting her in but she still feels I'm holding back. Maybe, subconsciously, I am? I don't know, but this morning I sent her a good morning text and wished her a good day with her mum to which she called me a minute later saying thank you and that she'd like to see me tonight, as we had planned before our argument. She sounded absolutely fine and happy when I confirmed that we'd be meeting tonight.

What I'm asking in a very long winded way, should I forget about the argument as she seems to have or bring it up when I see her tonight?