No use bringing it up unless you are itching for a fight for some reason. She's happy (apparently) why would you purposely sabotage it?
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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No use bringing it up unless you are itching for a fight for some reason. She's happy (apparently) why would you purposely sabotage it?
Get out with this "wouldn't mind" crap. Do you want to date her? Yes or no?
In your post, the only person showing disinterest is you.
Sure, I would like to date her.
What I am mentioning is that, if anything goes otherwise, I wouldn't mind being friends with her. I do understand that I seem uninterested in her and that's mainly because it seems like our interactions have plateaued.
I guess I should let time tell where it'll go.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Yeah, saying things like this is probably why she blew up at you. Another way of saying the same thing is that shes no longer holding your interest.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you are actually committed like you say the course of action you take is literally do what you've been doing. If opening up takes longer for you it takes longer. That's just the reality. She can't get mad at you for being you.
I'm not following.
She isn't mad at me for anything I've said. Only suggestion is that she may be annoyed how I blew her off.
No clue. Like Mr. Chan said, there's no sense in making a bigger deal out of this than it is.
That said, as I've mentioned, she isn't mad at me.
I think dreamcaster is mixing up your post with Clay Davis'.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Got the "after giving it some thought, I'd prefer if we just remained friends" text. Didn't expect that. I guess it was a weird situation since I'm so close with her friend. Sadly, I've got no weekend plans now.
Least I know things are solid with my friend - we saw a play last night, then went for a couple drinks. I think we'll just pretend this past week never happened.
Least I know things are solid with my friend - we saw a play last night, then went for a couple drinks. I think we'll just pretend this past week never happened.
Every time I see the "let's be friends" line dropped so suddenly. I assume that they have come within arms reach of their primary interest, someone that they're more interested pops up, or they decide last minute that they don't want to commit.
Depending on how much they like you, they won't be willing to just make you a friend. It's funny, I consult my inner most circle of female friends and they swear the friendzone doesn't exist. And one of them said that in most of her relationships she started off as friends with her partner, and that if a guy isn't willing to be friends he isn't worth it all lol. Not really the same thing as trying to date, and then deciding on friendship. But everyone is different...
Depending on how much they like you, they won't be willing to just make you a friend. It's funny, I consult my inner most circle of female friends and they swear the friendzone doesn't exist. And one of them said that in most of her relationships she started off as friends with her partner, and that if a guy isn't willing to be friends he isn't worth it all lol. Not really the same thing as trying to date, and then deciding on friendship. But everyone is different...
ZackieChan
Member
If course they would say the friendzone doesn't exist - it exists specifically because they are oblivious to it.
Clay Davis
Member
Hi again everyone. Good weekend so far?
She brought it up last night before we went out, she said she just needed to to know there's an equal amount of effort from me and that I'm being open and honest with her. We had a long talk about it and I think it's resolved. I told her I'm being as open and honest as I can be right now, I think she was okay with that response as she teased me about chipping away at my walls or digging under them.
We had a good night out too. Went to our first ever play - Wicked (which is really good if anyone hasn't seen it), so that was a really fun experience to share.
ZackieChan
Member
I'm too old for shit like that. I'd honestly end the relationship over this kind of nonsense distrust and disbelief. I've been there, done that, and my only thought is "never again."
A girl I was dating last year tried this silliness when I was doing her a favor. I didnt do it well enough for her, so she complained and got angry. I stopped talking to her until she apologized and hasn't done it again since. You need boundaries and some mutual respect.
A girl I was dating last year tried this silliness when I was doing her a favor. I didnt do it well enough for her, so she complained and got angry. I stopped talking to her until she apologized and hasn't done it again since. You need boundaries and some mutual respect.
Sounds like a pain in the ass. I bet that mindset is really working out for her.
fart town usa
Member
With no luck on tinder (made a few friends so that's cool), eharmony, POF, etc. I decided that I was completely done with online dating.
Decided to make an OK Cupid profile as I had never used it before and surprisingly I saw a profile of a girl that's totally my type.
Exchanged numbers the other day and have been texting back and forth. Super excited to meet her.
I think this will go places. Funny too because she resembles my ex and has the same interests. My ex, I thought she was the one but the relationship totally blew up, she was just too young and we're at different stages in life. This new girl though seems to be similar but she's more grounded in life and more mature. Like I said, real excited to meet her and to see where it leads.
Not saying I was seeking someone to replace what my ex brought to my life but I just think it's funny due to the similarities and all.
Decided to make an OK Cupid profile as I had never used it before and surprisingly I saw a profile of a girl that's totally my type.
Exchanged numbers the other day and have been texting back and forth. Super excited to meet her.
I think this will go places. Funny too because she resembles my ex and has the same interests. My ex, I thought she was the one but the relationship totally blew up, she was just too young and we're at different stages in life. This new girl though seems to be similar but she's more grounded in life and more mature. Like I said, real excited to meet her and to see where it leads.
Not saying I was seeking someone to replace what my ex brought to my life but I just think it's funny due to the similarities and all.
AlexFlame116
Member
Dang. Reading all this made me realize that I haven't gone on a single date yet. And I'm turning 23 next month. Yikes.
Random interjection of some quick tips:
1. Don't worry, that's not a bad thing.
2. Don't put enormous pressures and expectations on it or yourself getting started.
3. Dating is good life experience when it comes to relating with others so have fun with it.
fart town usa
Member
I'm definitely not. I always make it a point to leave prior relationships in the past. It's just that the similarities are there and it's not necessarily a bad thing in this case.
Haha, I'm afraid not! She changed her mind on things regardless, not that I probably would've gone in the first place (I was curious though).
In other news I'm actively speaking to about 6 girls online at the moment, with a few of them looking quite likely to lead to a date.
It's bizarre how it always seems to happen at once with me...
AlexFlame116
Member
1. Thanks for that. I've been getting nudges to start now from family and coworkers though so I'm gonna have to do it sooner than later haha.
2. Yeah I struggle with that. On myself though. Not on the person.
3. Yeah hopefully!
RyanardoDaVinci
Member
I'm kinda losing my mind here for the last week and I don't really have anyone to talk about this with so I'll vent here.
I'll try to summarize:
- I'm crazy about this girl at work, have been for months but I figure I have no chance because that's how it goes and she has a boyfriend.
- We're texting back and forth last week about work stuff and I make a stupid Family Guy joke (bababooey Howard Stern's penis) expecting a "Hahaha wtf" reply or similar.
- Instead she replies, "You feel it too? I've always felt there was something between us."
- I'm floored. I even google the damned sentence to see if it's a reference to anything. It isn't.
- I'm going WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF for 5min straight before asking if she's serious because I don't know how to answer that.
- She wants me to answer seriously.
- I do, I tell her I feel the same, there's something between us etc.
- "Well, Ryan, I'm getting married."
-
- More things were said, leading me to ask her if she was serious about feeling something between us. She didn't really answer, just said she thought I liked her.
- I asked her if she does, or did she ever have any feelings for me. She doesn't give an answer.
- I ask again, straight up, "Do you have feeling for me?" She doesn't give an answer.
- I talked to her in person the next morning and she said she wasn't serious about feeling anything between us.
- Saw her at work Thursday (my last day there) but didn't talk to her and haven't really since then.
None of this makes any sense. Why would she say there's something between us right out of the blue? Why would she say she wasn't serious about anything between us but want me to answer her seriously? If she truly feels nothing for me, why would she want to know or even care about how I feel about her?
I'll try to summarize:
- I'm crazy about this girl at work, have been for months but I figure I have no chance because that's how it goes and she has a boyfriend.
- We're texting back and forth last week about work stuff and I make a stupid Family Guy joke (bababooey Howard Stern's penis) expecting a "Hahaha wtf" reply or similar.
- Instead she replies, "You feel it too? I've always felt there was something between us."
- I'm floored. I even google the damned sentence to see if it's a reference to anything. It isn't.
- I'm going WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF for 5min straight before asking if she's serious because I don't know how to answer that.
- She wants me to answer seriously.
- I do, I tell her I feel the same, there's something between us etc.
- "Well, Ryan, I'm getting married."
-
- I asked her if she does, or did she ever have any feelings for me. She doesn't give an answer.
- I ask again, straight up, "Do you have feeling for me?" She doesn't give an answer.
- I talked to her in person the next morning and she said she wasn't serious about feeling anything between us.
- Saw her at work Thursday (my last day there) but didn't talk to her and haven't really since then.
None of this makes any sense. Why would she say there's something between us right out of the blue? Why would she say she wasn't serious about anything between us but want me to answer her seriously? If she truly feels nothing for me, why would she want to know or even care about how I feel about her?
Don't be that guy bro. She's getting married. Find somebody else. Anyways need to vent. Was seeing this girl for a month, really like her. Became us like a week ago then she breaks up with me yesterday. All coz she wants to fuck this 20 yr old girl at work. I even asked her when I was talking to her that I felt like she just wanted to fuck around. She denied it at that time and she told me she wanted something serious too. Feel like shit. I wanna save this girl but I guess she didn't wanna be saved.
RyanardoDaVinci
Member
Yeah, don't worry. I don't want to be that guy either, I hate that guy.
I just like to have answers and for things to make sense -- though I guess that can be unreasonable when dealing with "emotions!"
I just like to have answers and for things to make sense -- though I guess that can be unreasonable when dealing with "emotions!"
Yeah, closure really isn't a thing you get in these situations.
Hi Dating Age, my first time posting here. Just getting out of a five-year relationship as of two months ago. It was kinda amicable because I was moving out to grad school and we both knew it would be too difficult to carry on long-distance. My problem has been that over the last month and a half I haven't been able to arrange so much as a coffee date at my new college. It's kind of a biggish state school, but no one uses the dating sites here (maybe 10 girls in my area on okcupid, similar numbers on pof, tinder and bumble are at most 1-2 new swipes per day).
Unfortunately online dating is how I met my ex, who was also my first relationship, so I am at a loss for how I go about getting dates in real-life. My immediate go-to would be girls in the music department since we'd have the most in common, but I have to worry about "conflict of interest" problems with my graduate assistantship. So it wouldn't be just, "Hey we have a lot in common, how about coffee sometime?" it would have to be, "are you currently enrolled in a music theory class?" "Yeah." "Oh nevermind, I wasn't going to ask anything." Otherwise in my day-to-day routine I don't come across anybody else except music students.
Personally I do have a lot of things going for me, such as being pretty successful in my field so far, I'm financially secure with my grad assistantship, and I've been told by my ex and others that I'm relatively good looking. I do however have pretty bad problems with social anxiety, self-esteem, and depression. When I'm in an interaction with a person I do fairly well, but I'm never the one to initiate social interactions. I feel that I am ready to date again, and that among my peers I should be date-able, but the longer I'm going without so much as a coffee date, the worse I am feeling about myself, and questioning any positives I currently have.
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I know being at a university is really one of the best opportunities to get out and date, but I'm just having a really hard time. I do know the common advice like hit the gym, and join some extracurricular activities, but any advice is appreciated. Right now the only thing I can think of to do, would be to hang out at the University Center, and approach random girls for conversations, but that kinda feels strange to me.
Unfortunately online dating is how I met my ex, who was also my first relationship, so I am at a loss for how I go about getting dates in real-life. My immediate go-to would be girls in the music department since we'd have the most in common, but I have to worry about "conflict of interest" problems with my graduate assistantship. So it wouldn't be just, "Hey we have a lot in common, how about coffee sometime?" it would have to be, "are you currently enrolled in a music theory class?" "Yeah." "Oh nevermind, I wasn't going to ask anything." Otherwise in my day-to-day routine I don't come across anybody else except music students.
Personally I do have a lot of things going for me, such as being pretty successful in my field so far, I'm financially secure with my grad assistantship, and I've been told by my ex and others that I'm relatively good looking. I do however have pretty bad problems with social anxiety, self-esteem, and depression. When I'm in an interaction with a person I do fairly well, but I'm never the one to initiate social interactions. I feel that I am ready to date again, and that among my peers I should be date-able, but the longer I'm going without so much as a coffee date, the worse I am feeling about myself, and questioning any positives I currently have.
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I know being at a university is really one of the best opportunities to get out and date, but I'm just having a really hard time. I do know the common advice like hit the gym, and join some extracurricular activities, but any advice is appreciated. Right now the only thing I can think of to do, would be to hang out at the University Center, and approach random girls for conversations, but that kinda feels strange to me.
You hit the main things, join some clubs and whatnot... for extra advice I would say, since you have social anxiety and are afraid to talk to random girls try this to start:
Since you are new to the school you might not know where everything is, try asking a girl or group of girls that you are attracted to where x building is, or something else mundane and non threatening to start. Don't be necessarily using this as a way to hit on girls, cuz I don't really like the "lying" approach (assuming you do know where x building is), but use it as a way to get confident to approach a girl you don't know and talk to her. She may even walk you to the place you wanna go and you can practice your conversation skills. Once you've started to gain some confidence with this approach, feel the social anxiety diminish, and no longer think it's strange to talk to random girls, then you can start talking to girls without any pretense of being lost.
Thanks vern. That's a really good tip for me. I only have really bad anxiety when there is no reason I am talking to someone. Sometimes when I go to bars alone I pretend I am looking for a friend who I'm supposed to meet there, and it eases the anxiety. I'll try talking to some girls by using your advice this week.
TipsyArchmage
Neo Member
I wouldn't worry too much about "conflict of interest", it's school. People date classmates all the time
Messofanego
Banned
To confirm you're committed, you could try raw dogging. I heard that's an exclusive thing.
Oh sorry I should have been more clear about that. There are actual University rules against me dating music theory students (about half of the students in the music department) since I grade their papers. So I can date undergrads, its just if I am interested in a undergrad in the music department, I literally have to ask if they are in music theory. But honestly I'm almost like, just screw it at this point, since I've already messaged all girls in a 25 mile radius of my university on Okcupid, and dating someone who was also into music would make me really happy.
SpiritSlayer
Member
No worries friend I'm in the same boat but 24. I really am interested in dating but I don't know where to start.
Clay Davis
Member
Hey Zackiechan. How's things?
If I'm honest, which I feel I can be here, it does feel somewhat pushy of her to make those kinds of demands. I enjoy our time together though, we get on well, we share similar interests and she's really easy and fun to talk to, but my feelings are all over the place since this argument.
On some level I suppose I can understand her fears and the desire/need for me to confirm my commitment, but at the same time to get angry about it and cause an argument has left me a little worried that she might have issues I haven't seen yet, which isn't a bad thing, we all have our own issues, but I tend to notice it to more when someone gets angry/aggressive over something that I don't think really warrants that kind of response and it makes me put my guard up.
I'll just see how it goes and hope for the best.
Haha! I'll bring it up next time she asks now committed I am.
I'm kinda losing my mind here for the last week and I don't really have anyone to talk about this with so I'll vent here.
I'll try to summarize:
- I'm crazy about this girl at work, have been for months but I figure I have no chance because that's how it goes and she has a boyfriend.
- We're texting back and forth last week about work stuff and I make a stupid Family Guy joke (bababooey Howard Stern's penis) expecting a "Hahaha wtf" reply or similar.
- Instead she replies, "You feel it too? I've always felt there was something between us."
- I'm floored. I even google the damned sentence to see if it's a reference to anything. It isn't.
- I'm going WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF for 5min straight before asking if she's serious because I don't know how to answer that.
- She wants me to answer seriously.
- I do, I tell her I feel the same, there's something between us etc.
- "Well, Ryan, I'm getting married."
-- More things were said, leading me to ask her if she was serious about feeling something between us. She didn't really answer, just said she thought I liked her.
- I asked her if she does, or did she ever have any feelings for me. She doesn't give an answer.
- I ask again, straight up, "Do you have feeling for me?" She doesn't give an answer.
- I talked to her in person the next morning and she said she wasn't serious about feeling anything between us.
- Saw her at work Thursday (my last day there) but didn't talk to her and haven't really since then.
None of this makes any sense. Why would she say there's something between us right out of the blue? Why would she say she wasn't serious about anything between us but want me to answer her seriously? If she truly feels nothing for me, why would she want to know or even care about how I feel about her?
Maybe she said it to keep you around or play with your emotions, who knows? Maybe for a brief moment she did think she had something with you. What I do know is that I would instantly drop any girl who was married or in a relationship if we weren't already friends. Don't do this to yourself man. Why would it matter if she haelings for you anyway, she's with a guy and is getting married. Is that a web you want to get tangled in?...
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Read the OP of this thread. Seriously.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I'm pronably a lil nore patient than Zackie in that regard but like, I really wouldnt argue bout committment. Like I am seeimg a girl and we are exclusive that's basically all I feel I need to say on the issue. I'm not going to start divulging deep personal shit I dont wanna share just to help someone's petty insecurities.
If this comes up again I suggest you say, "look, I'm actually serious about this relationship but I dont enjoy being pushed to say and share stuff I'm not ready to talk about. I need you to respect that". And then kill the convo right there.
I think it depends on your life situation and how easy it is for you to get other dates with regards to how much shit you'll put up with. I don't have patience for any bs anymore, I'm like ZC, girl wants to play games or push me around I'll date someone else.
Btw I'm 5 days into anew relationship. Feels a bit strange not dating a new girl each night, but also feels really good. We will see how long it goes ...
Gotdatmoney
Member
I haven't been on a date in a while but generally there is shit I can handle and stuff I just am like "no fuck off". I feel ya though, when your options are open you dont have to put up with bullshit. On the other hand? Even if your options are not limited you still should have that mindset imo.
On the side, congrats on the new relationship
ZackieChan
Member
I give it 3 more days
Edit: I'm watching Can't Hardly Wait, and everyone should watch this and never be like this dude. And listen to Pharcyde's Passin' Me By and never do anything those guys do.
Edit: I'm watching Can't Hardly Wait, and everyone should watch this and never be like this dude. And listen to Pharcyde's Passin' Me By and never do anything those guys do.
Clay, you've been going out with this person for what, like a month?
That sort of conversation should not even really be coming up, much less turning into an argument.
She seems clingy/needy and has trust issues. I suspect somebody cheated on her in the past and now she's paranoid. I will agree with gotdatmoney and you need to set boundaries. You're not her husband or fiancé, hell, you're barely a boyfriend at this point. Both of you seem overinvested into making this into some sort of "perfect" relationship when in fact you really barely know each other. Give it time to develop organically, otherwise you're both going to feel smothered.
That sort of conversation should not even really be coming up, much less turning into an argument.
She seems clingy/needy and has trust issues. I suspect somebody cheated on her in the past and now she's paranoid. I will agree with gotdatmoney and you need to set boundaries. You're not her husband or fiancé, hell, you're barely a boyfriend at this point. Both of you seem overinvested into making this into some sort of "perfect" relationship when in fact you really barely know each other. Give it time to develop organically, otherwise you're both going to feel smothered.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Be more social. Join a club. Go to the gym. Use all opportunities you get to meet people and try to break out a bit amd talk. First step is buildimg your comfort around people.
I base all my girl decisions off of Drake's Marvin's Room. It's the only way to live.
It can be frustrating in situations like these. It can feel pretty insulting to be asked to 'prove' your loyalty and commitment especially if you've done nothing wrong. Not to excuse this girl's behaviour, but has she been cheated on or lied to in the past?
You've made your commitment to her clear. If your word is not enough for her and argument becomes a recurring thing I would simply walk away like others here have suggested. You can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you.
ZackieChan
Member
I made it two minutes in before I couldn't take anymore simping
Gotdatmoney
Member
How dare you. Marvin's Room is love. Marvin's Room is life. Marvin's Room is 90% of this threads dating perspective
Hell, the "I'm married" story is basically it in a nutshell llolZackieChan
Member
How dare you. Marvin's Room is love. Marvin's Room is life. Marvin's Room is 90% of this threads dating perspective
"Whatchu' doin' that's so important?" is where I stopped. Too real for me
I have no idea what you folks are discussing. What I do know:
- "let time tell where it'll go" is a terrible approach to dating. If you want to date someone, ask them out, or someone else will.
- Clay's girl sounds like she has baggage. Try your best, don't kill yourself trying to make it work, she ultimately has to choose to trust him.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt was (and still is) quite attractive. I would give her a letter.
- "let time tell where it'll go" is a terrible approach to dating. If you want to date someone, ask them out, or someone else will.
- Clay's girl sounds like she has baggage. Try your best, don't kill yourself trying to make it work, she ultimately has to choose to trust him.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt was (and still is) quite attractive. I would give her a letter.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I'm surprised you made itbpast
"The women that I would try, is happy with a good guy, but I've been drinking so much, that I'ma call her anyway"
You're getting soft Zackie.
We're just discussing song of the generation Marvin's Room.
Oh and Clay gotta tell this girl to chill. In the exact same tone as Samuel L Jackson in the pulp fiction diner scene.
My situation is a little similar to Clay with the trust issues. However, knowing her background, I sympathise with her and excuse it. It doesn't bother me terribly as of now and she's very sweet otherwise, so I'd like to slowly work through it. If she makes any unfounded accusations or demands though, I cut right though that bullshit (with love) in hopes that I'm helping us both grow.
At the same time, I realize it isn't my responsibility to fix her issues, so if I can't take it I wouldn't feel obligated to stay. I'm hoping that never happens cause I care about her, but I'm not gonna let myself feel guilt.
At the same time, I realize it isn't my responsibility to fix her issues, so if I can't take it I wouldn't feel obligated to stay. I'm hoping that never happens cause I care about her, but I'm not gonna let myself feel guilt.
I didn't post this earlier because I didn't wanna get chewed out but I probably need it. That and therapy. I'd been FWB with a friend of mine for a few weeks. Last week while we were doing it she moaned "baby." Pretty natural reaction when having sex right? Except upon hearing it, I got pissed. Like legit angry. My mood changed completely. I didn't take it out on her or anything though. After a few more minutes we just stopped and I went home. That night I sent her a text saying I didn't wanna do that anymore. She said she was cool with it. A couple of days later she drunkenly texts me saying I used her and that I just got what I wanted, etc. We haven't spoken since. What I can't believe is that one fucking innocent word triggered me like that. I'm insane.
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