Yikes that's what I call an overreaction
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Yikes that's what I call an overreaction
Seek help. Pretty telling that you put "I didn't take it out on her or anything though" but that's exactly what you did.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Can't even chew you up cause I can't formulate actual.advice to cover this. You're in therapy. Just like keep doing that and next time you get annoyed by a random word just like shrug your shoulders and go back to having sex man.
Incendiary
Banned
I wish I could convince my friend of this - his dating strategy is be friends with women and hope they eventually develop feelings for him.
This is definitely something you should talk to someone about. You say you didn't take it out on her, but you did. Especially since it was something innocuous she said that led to you almost immediately ending the relationship. I get sex is a natural need but I'd refrain from any sort of physical intimacy for a while if one word is going to set you off like that.
I'm not in therapy. I just know I need it but don't get it because money and discomfort. It's definitely an attachment thing. I'm not over my goddamn ex and someone calling me that when I have zero feelings for them made me irrationally angry.
Seeing as calling someone "baby" is extremely common in general, yeah.... Overreaction central. But. Oh already know what you have to do. "discomfort" isn't really an excuse.
Bruh
Gotdatmoney
Member
Discomfort?
Lol son you blew up on a girl cause she called you baby during sex and you're here talking bout discomfort? I do not care whether you are or are not over your ex, you can not treat people like that then talk about how "you" are uncomfortable or "were" angry.
Look up some therapists today and talk about low budget options. Screw your excuse game man. You're mental health is a lil more important than "discomfort".
I guess it's that I don't like showing or talking about my vulnerabilities. Even my best friend doesn't know about any of this stuff with this girl. It makes me feel bad because he tells me everything. He even felt the need to call me after his first time with the girl he's currently with. Everyone has a certain image of me that unbeknownst to them is completely inaccurate and I guess I try to maintain it. Just the fact that I got mad because some girl called me baby made me mad. It's just so ridiculous. I wish I could say without a doubt that that was the last straw but I don't even know. I'm sick of having my ex so much as even enter my mind for a second. This is probably kinda off topic at this point so I'll just shut up about it.
Gotdatmoney
Member
RyanardoDaVinci
Member
I haven't talked to or texted her since Thursday. I've tried it before, staying friends with a girl that isn't interested in you but knows how you feel -- worst decision of my life and I'll never do it again.
Though it's pretty fucking difficult to not want to talk to her when I'm sitting in traffic for 20 minutes staring at the vanity license plate in front of me that literally says "EYE(heart symbol)HERNAME" while "Don't Stop Believin'" is playing on the radio.
Fuck you, universe. I didn't do anything to you, leave me alone. >:[
Dr. Kitty Muffins
Member
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Hey everyone, its been a billion years since I have been in this thread and I wanted to get some feedback from anyone and everyone about something seriously messed up and recurring in the bc lower mainland dating scene.
I have been going on for nearly 4 years single and making an effort in the dating world, some may remember my posts from yonder...and nothing has changed lol *secret sad tear* but lately I have been noticong a sort of "trend" so to speak of all the guys asking to go on a date with me.... putting little to no effort in their appearance... like not even smelling decent, and thats not all oh no, to make matters worse a lot of guys are now showing up drunk or high or both. I feel super fucking disrespected by this since I make such an effort to look clean, smell nice, dress appropriately, and be sober... and I get that shit in return.
Anyone have any experience or feedback you could help me out with? I am getting burned out with all the lack of basic respect I am getting. Also just to preface, the guys are not the shirtless/420 dudes you see that advertise wanting no committment or casual, they are the ones wanting relationships and monogamy and the "non party girl".
I also changed the fuck out of my profile making it a lot more straightforward but still lighthearted...I think, a lot less messages now thats for sure.
*TO SUMMARIZE: HELP
I have been going on for nearly 4 years single and making an effort in the dating world, some may remember my posts from yonder...and nothing has changed lol *secret sad tear* but lately I have been noticong a sort of "trend" so to speak of all the guys asking to go on a date with me.... putting little to no effort in their appearance... like not even smelling decent, and thats not all oh no, to make matters worse a lot of guys are now showing up drunk or high or both. I feel super fucking disrespected by this since I make such an effort to look clean, smell nice, dress appropriately, and be sober... and I get that shit in return.
Anyone have any experience or feedback you could help me out with? I am getting burned out with all the lack of basic respect I am getting. Also just to preface, the guys are not the shirtless/420 dudes you see that advertise wanting no committment or casual, they are the ones wanting relationships and monogamy and the "non party girl".
I also changed the fuck out of my profile making it a lot more straightforward but still lighthearted...I think, a lot less messages now thats for sure.
*TO SUMMARIZE: HELP
Count Dookkake
Member
How old are you?
How fit are you?
Do you have any interests or obligations that might be scaring off better guys?
How fit are you?
Do you have any interests or obligations that might be scaring off better guys?
Ok age and fitness level should have nothing to do with if someone deserves a basic level of respect or not.
I am a loyal monogamous person that doesnt do drugs and rarely if ever drinks, I work out hard as fuck for 3 days in a week maybe adding in a bit more in between and im 24 years old,I have a ton of interests that fit with most people and I have a car, something a lot of guys on there dont have (which who cares). I think maybe because I am not super flirty outright it makes guys think something else? I just like to be a bit conservative when I meet a guy because I am not there to go fuck the first dick in line ....
Count Dookkake
Member
Adam_Roman
Member
About how many people have you noticed like this lately? It seems to me like it might just be a streak of bad luck but I don't know.
Messofanego
Banned
So you're not even into this girl and just used her for sex? She was right.
I honestly wish it was just a few gross guys, in the few years of dates I have been on at least 16? And I would say at least 8 have been that way, one just attempted assualt.
Well asking those two questions in the context I gave made it seem that way. But thanks also.
Count Dookkake
Member
Just because you infer something doesn't mean it has been implied.
Anyway, you asked why you were getting sub-par dudes. The only way to figure that out is by doing troubleshooting. You didn't really give enough info, so I had to ask those questions. Now if you were fat or old, or had kids, or had a weird hobby, it wouldn't mean you deserved disrespect, but those can all be limiting factors in one's dating pool.
Messofanego
Banned
Where are you getting these douches from? Might want to try another website if it attracts such boys. You could try relaying your horror stories onto your profile and put requirements like "I can't believe I'm having to say this but please dress well, smell well, don't get intoxicated".
I also mentioned that said guys I spoke to were not the type that act shitty (or at least they advertise themselves that way) I am not a skinny fitness aerobics body, I am soft but I make efforts with my fitness best way to describe my body is that it looks like the renaissance paintings and sculptures? More leg muscle though. I think I am just concerned with the deceit, although what do I expect from online dating?
I want to move onto pay sites because I am not looking for loose "fun" but I have had money stolen from me from a pay site in the past so I am seriously skeptical. That last tidbit is perfect actually, I shall be using that thank you!
BC is British Colombia in this case？
And not blaming you for the guys you meet and date at all, but I do think you should do some self reflection after each date or series of dates, whether the dude is slob or wearing a suit or whatever in between. It's always good to look back at what you did (or didn't do) and think about what you can do better. Hope this doesn't sound like victim blaming because a) besides the assault situation I don't think there was a victim in the rest of the cases, just bad dates, and b) I think you should do the same reflection and critique of yourself after good dates too...
I mean there must have been some sort of similarities present between the different men, whether it's just the same app you used or something else a bit deeper, only you really can know. I think by date 4 or 5 of smelly drunk dudes you should have just been ditching them as soon as you met them; if you didn't I hope you will in the future. You don't owe them time or politeness. If the date isn't working excuse yourself and leave. And if a dude is drunk or stinky you should know pretty quickly, and since those are deal breakers for you just peace out. Fuck it.
And good luck Mona Lisa 😉
And not blaming you for the guys you meet and date at all, but I do think you should do some self reflection after each date or series of dates, whether the dude is slob or wearing a suit or whatever in between. It's always good to look back at what you did (or didn't do) and think about what you can do better. Hope this doesn't sound like victim blaming because a) besides the assault situation I don't think there was a victim in the rest of the cases, just bad dates, and b) I think you should do the same reflection and critique of yourself after good dates too...
I mean there must have been some sort of similarities present between the different men, whether it's just the same app you used or something else a bit deeper, only you really can know. I think by date 4 or 5 of smelly drunk dudes you should have just been ditching them as soon as you met them; if you didn't I hope you will in the future. You don't owe them time or politeness. If the date isn't working excuse yourself and leave. And if a dude is drunk or stinky you should know pretty quickly, and since those are deal breakers for you just peace out. Fuck it.
And good luck Mona Lisa 😉
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I'm in the same area and can only speak of my own experience, but in all my years of online dating I only met one person who didn't look like their pictures. Everyone else was nice and presentable.
Its limited to one date because I dont tolerate vileness. I do self reflection all the time, in fact I am constantly doubting myself even when I did nothing out of the ordinary. My last date told me that I was "classy" and shared good values that he wanted in a woman but he himself did not reflect so I must be decent? There are no real similarities that I can think of because a lot of the guys are very different and from different apps. I dont know how much more self reflection I can do when I change my formula every time and I still get the same outcome, I am literally nearing a breaking point of just giving up entirely. At what point does it stop being about self reflection? I think its the culture around here now (and yes I mean British Columbia) so many people tell me that other provinces are so much better but I can't move so I am stuck with the lot I have to pick from.
It used to be the same way a few years back (like 6 years) but something has changed... maybe because im older I am not as much of a commodity now? I dont know anymore, im so confused and disheartened and I feel like I have no worth to men anymore even though I consider myself a decent human being...(and I am not saying that boastfully) I just dont know anymore.
Count Dookkake
Member
Being a decent human being is great, but for online dating you need decent pics and no red flags. They can find out that you are a decent person during first date conversation.
AdventureRacing
Member
I'm not too familiar with the the area but how big is the population? I'm guessing that 8 (or even 16) guys over a few years isn't a huge sample size. If it was the general culture you should be noticing it outside of the dating scene as well.
I feel like outside of really extreme examples it's never the area that's the problem. I'd say it's more likely you've been unlucky and it's making you jaded about dating in general. It's a pretty common feeling and it's a shame that you've had bad experiences. Maybe try different dating sites or perhaps try other means of meeting people. Whilst a change in scenery can definitely help I don't think it's necessary unless it suits other aspects of your life.
I feel like outside of really extreme examples it's never the area that's the problem. I'd say it's more likely you've been unlucky and it's making you jaded about dating in general. It's a pretty common feeling and it's a shame that you've had bad experiences. Maybe try different dating sites or perhaps try other means of meeting people. Whilst a change in scenery can definitely help I don't think it's necessary unless it suits other aspects of your life.
ZackieChan
Member
What age range are you dating in? Maybe try older guys who are further along into a career and such? Even on NeoGAF, people in their early to mid 20's seem to deny that they're adults. I'm always presentable on dates and never drunk at 38.
But your forehead rivals even the largest of the girls I date. That's the problem with dating older guys.
I have 2 body pics that are up to date and 4 face shots with foreward faceing straight on angles and differing degrees of makeup so as not to "trick" anyone and everything is up to date and recent. I don't know what red flags I could be portraying in my profile, unless you consider being sober and not doing drugs or clubbing all the time a red flag?
It could be years of bad luck, I dont go on dates if the messages sent to me are ridiculous which is 70 percent of them, a lot of people here do drugs(cocaine included) and it seems to be a big deal at least on the vancouver side of things. I have met some very nice guys but there is always something that I cant let pass mainly drug use or the want of children(although I usually filter those out pretty fast). I want to be optimistic again but I feel like no one actually wants a relationship anymore unless it was achieved by having meaningless sex all the time prior? I dont like casual sex at all so this sucks for me.
25-32 I find guys that are younger are way less likely to be responsible or hold a decent conversation (not all obviously) but then again older guys seem to be aged past their actual number (so many 30-32 year olds act like my dad or his friends and who are all almost 60). Im glad that at least you think you should look presentable on a date... I was under the assumption that we were all supposed to "impress" the other person but I am not so sure anymore.
I don't think you should be trying to impress anyone on the date, ideally you are naturally well groomed and sober and decently dressed. Then you can just be yourself. If first date or two you are presenting something that isn't you in order to impress a person then you are just delaying the inevitable "break up."
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Crazy how some people have one rule for them-self and one rule for others.
So my girlfriends sister has been seeing this guy for the past few weeks. They're not in a relationship but they are dating and they are sleeping with each other. Anyways she was round his and found women's underwear under his bed. She wasn't too upset but did start questioning whether or not he can be trusted. What she fails to remember is she slept with three different other guys, in three consecutive nights the week prior, fml.
So my girlfriends sister has been seeing this guy for the past few weeks. They're not in a relationship but they are dating and they are sleeping with each other. Anyways she was round his and found women's underwear under his bed. She wasn't too upset but did start questioning whether or not he can be trusted. What she fails to remember is she slept with three different other guys, in three consecutive nights the week prior, fml.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah - "presentable" to mean means at least 2 of the three S's, with a shirt that has a collar. I look like I always look, but I'm not dirty. My forehead will forever be shiny, though.
Eh, she's living that life. I can't knock her hustle.
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Yeah fair play to her, she's still single and free to do what she wants.
I just think you cant really complain and get upset over the guy when you're doing the exact same thing.
I just think you cant really complain and get upset over the guy when you're doing the exact same thing.
Count Dookkake
Member
Exact same thing would involve leaving some dude's underwear for him to find in bed.
ZackieChan
Member
She can DO whatever she wants, but certainly you don't need to respect that behavior.
gugi40
I think your area probably has a lot to do with it. Vancouver/BC strikes me as a party area. So I think you should be explicit in your profile and let people know that you don't like drinkers/smokers. Females seeking males on free sites can definitely be more picky because the numbers are by far in their advantage. Also maybe plan more formal things for the first date. Like if I'm meeting someone for a drink/coffee, I'm not going to get really dressed up. Like some others have said, maybe try offline methods for finding dates. Online dating is inherently lazy, a lot of people use it because there is actually very little effort involved if you're using it correctly.
Kitty Muffins
Please tell me this is not for the person you're kinda sorta maybe dating.
Astral
Along with your total lack of empathy for the woman's feelings, you're displaying borderline sociopathic behavior. Get off this forum and seek actual professional help.
I think your area probably has a lot to do with it. Vancouver/BC strikes me as a party area. So I think you should be explicit in your profile and let people know that you don't like drinkers/smokers. Females seeking males on free sites can definitely be more picky because the numbers are by far in their advantage. Also maybe plan more formal things for the first date. Like if I'm meeting someone for a drink/coffee, I'm not going to get really dressed up. Like some others have said, maybe try offline methods for finding dates. Online dating is inherently lazy, a lot of people use it because there is actually very little effort involved if you're using it correctly.
Kitty Muffins
Please tell me this is not for the person you're kinda sorta maybe dating.
Astral
Along with your total lack of empathy for the woman's feelings, you're displaying borderline sociopathic behavior. Get off this forum and seek actual professional help.
We agreed it was just sex from the beginning. Both of us. So no, I didn't use her.
Gugi and Leeness' experiences and the existence of Tabris does not paint a pretty picture of BC guys 
I still dressed up nicely on coffee first dates, first impression and all. Or at least I took a shower and wore a dress shirt.
Dr. Kitty Muffins
Member
So why the flowers?
And ones for saying "I'm sorry" on top of that. Why can't he just say I'm sorry??
Sorry if I misundeetood, but... Wasn't it a FWB situation? In that case sure you may not have romantic feelings, but generally you care a little about the feelings of a friend.
Or even it was just casual sex, generally people that do things with other people have a smidge of empathy. Your attitude towards people in general seems rather cold/untrusting.
I just hope you actually go and get professional help.
Well thats kind of what I mean by impress, like show them that you are that way as a normal person on an everyday basis since first impressions are key. Its a bit different then going on a date and having your first shower in 8 months, as a means to impress.
That is what I am starting to notice, there is an overabundance of guys "just visiting and wanting some 'fun'" and it grosses me out.
I am extremely explocit with what I want in my profile, hence why now I probably filtered out all the (what I consider) losers. I always want to go to dinner for a date but so many guys are hesistant even though I tell them that I will pay for myself if its a money thing and that we can meet somewhere first and see if we like our appearances first then head out.
Yeah I wish they were the stereotype of the loving and gentle lumberjack... instead its the scraggly bearded addict.... :/ I sometimes just want to move away but I like it here too much. I like to look nice when I meet people or go out, sometimes I dress down of im tired or not going anywhere but on a date I used to see guys wear a nice shirt and clean body lol but now guys show up dirty in their work clothes, like wow ok I didnt know I was a job site.Gugi and Leeness' experiences and the existence of Tabris does not paint a pretty picture of BC guys
I still dressed up nicely on coffee first dates, first impression and all. Or at least I took a shower and wore a dress shirt.
Messofanego
Banned
I guess I have become kinda untrusting, and no doubt it was cold of me to send such an abrupt text ending it. I did explain why I did it but she was way too drunk to listen. She just kept saying the same thing over and over. It didn't even occur to me honestly how she must've felt till now and I never exactly said sorry lol. I'm bad...
Messofanego
Banned
You could try marriage or paid websites (at least paid for men but free for women) for more relationship-ready men and not casual flings cause that's what dating websites tend to become.
Or maybe British Columbia is just fucked
Gugi40, here are my 2 cents:
1. In my experience, probably half of all people you meet on any given day, probably have some issue with substance abuse. Whether its actual, degenerating abuse. Or some sort of dependancy to cope with anxiety. Or something relatively low on the problem scale of----habitually gets high/buzzed/whatever, before every opportunity for fun. etc.
Drugs are awful and a ton of people use them. Now, with the advent of legal Marijuana, I can't seem to escape weed talk. No matter where I am.
I can't tell you how many times I have told someone my thoughts about (insert music/movie/vaguely art related thing here) and they can't believe that I don't do drugs. But those same people automatically do drugs, before any serious consumption of fun/art/entertainment/etc.
2. You should make as serious attempt to make real life connections. Talk up some prospects at the gym. If you work for a company with a large amount people/departments, make up excuses to visit new sections of the company. Try to work any of your hobbies or interests, into real life social opportunities. Talk to that cute person at the grocery store. etc.
Online dating tends to largely appeal to a certain few subsets of people types. Additionally ,there is a lot of guesswork and floating on faith, until that first date. Whereas real life contact, you can see who you are talking to, guage their mannerisms, expresssions, etc. and pretty much micro date them in a few minutes.
A lot of people have hangups with real life contact. Whether you do or not------just make the leap. Like tearing off a band-aid.
1. In my experience, probably half of all people you meet on any given day, probably have some issue with substance abuse. Whether its actual, degenerating abuse. Or some sort of dependancy to cope with anxiety. Or something relatively low on the problem scale of----habitually gets high/buzzed/whatever, before every opportunity for fun. etc.
Drugs are awful and a ton of people use them. Now, with the advent of legal Marijuana, I can't seem to escape weed talk. No matter where I am.
I can't tell you how many times I have told someone my thoughts about (insert music/movie/vaguely art related thing here) and they can't believe that I don't do drugs. But those same people automatically do drugs, before any serious consumption of fun/art/entertainment/etc.
2. You should make as serious attempt to make real life connections. Talk up some prospects at the gym. If you work for a company with a large amount people/departments, make up excuses to visit new sections of the company. Try to work any of your hobbies or interests, into real life social opportunities. Talk to that cute person at the grocery store. etc.
Online dating tends to largely appeal to a certain few subsets of people types. Additionally ,there is a lot of guesswork and floating on faith, until that first date. Whereas real life contact, you can see who you are talking to, guage their mannerisms, expresssions, etc. and pretty much micro date them in a few minutes.
A lot of people have hangups with real life contact. Whether you do or not------just make the leap. Like tearing off a band-aid.
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