direct_quote
Member
So against my better judgement I think I'm going to apologize to my ex girlfriend after not talking to her for a month. Is that equivalent to me falling on my own sword?
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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Even with your vagueposting, it sounds like a terrible idea.
This is why people were calling you out on your lack of empathy.
direct_quote
Member
Well I guess to add more clarity, my ex girlfriend broke up with me due to me not being open with her. I also kind of lied about how long it had been since I was in a relationship. So I feel bad for lying and not being more open with someone who had trust issues because she was cheated on.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Reading a lot of Gugi's stuff last page I realized I'm totally in the spectrum of shit she hates haha. Not the dumb stuff like saying rude things over apps or not grooming (that's disgusting) but like for instance I personally dont wanna do dinner dates as date one pretty much ever. For someone I never met before I dont really wanna share dinner with them or have to do the normalities of it with a random. Personal preference. Rather just get coffee or a walk or something. Cheap, conductive to talking.
Same with the whole sex thing. I am not a "gotta have sex immediately" person but I am not waiting until the thing gets super serious and committed before hand. Can't do it.
I think maybe she needs to try a paid app because stuff like Tinder is more free flowing.
Man don't do this. It's extremely stupid. Just like move on.
Same with the whole sex thing. I am not a "gotta have sex immediately" person but I am not waiting until the thing gets super serious and committed before hand. Can't do it.
I think maybe she needs to try a paid app because stuff like Tinder is more free flowing.
Man don't do this. It's extremely stupid. Just like move on.
Krauser Kat
Member
Move on.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Man I feel like I have to defend all the BC guys here lol
Yes, the area is pretty desirable so you're going to get people visiting from out of town, people who moved here for school/work, and people who just came here because we have mountains and water and hosted the Olympics that one time. I feel like you can sort those people out though. Avoid the more hookup apps like Tinder, for one. Hint at how long you've been here, like "I came here for school and loved it so much I stayed" or "I was born and raised here so I'm unfortunately a Canucks fan". That can appeal to people of a similar upbringing and mindset.
With regards to dating sites/apps, I never had any success with Tinder or Plenty of Fish. OKC and Coffee Meets Bagel were vastly superior and I did meet a lot of people looking for something more serious. I'm not into drugs or alcohol and never met anyone else who was into that stuff.
I personally would not mind if a girl said "no one night stands or FWB" on her profile because I know she gets a lot of unsolicited messages like that.
I do think though that dinner as a first date can be a bit of a deterrent. If conversation happens to flow towards that point (maybe you're talking about your favourite restaurants) then it would be an exception, but dinner requires more time/money investment than coffee or a walk. I personally feel a first date should just be a means to verify that they look like their pictures and they're not secretly a serial killer (though how would you find that out on a first date anyway).
I don't know if the area has changed that much either. Perhaps a hyperconnected society and the high cost of living has made people more transient and less committal. That could translate to changes in the dating scene.
Yes, the area is pretty desirable so you're going to get people visiting from out of town, people who moved here for school/work, and people who just came here because we have mountains and water and hosted the Olympics that one time. I feel like you can sort those people out though. Avoid the more hookup apps like Tinder, for one. Hint at how long you've been here, like "I came here for school and loved it so much I stayed" or "I was born and raised here so I'm unfortunately a Canucks fan". That can appeal to people of a similar upbringing and mindset.
With regards to dating sites/apps, I never had any success with Tinder or Plenty of Fish. OKC and Coffee Meets Bagel were vastly superior and I did meet a lot of people looking for something more serious. I'm not into drugs or alcohol and never met anyone else who was into that stuff.
I personally would not mind if a girl said "no one night stands or FWB" on her profile because I know she gets a lot of unsolicited messages like that.
I do think though that dinner as a first date can be a bit of a deterrent. If conversation happens to flow towards that point (maybe you're talking about your favourite restaurants) then it would be an exception, but dinner requires more time/money investment than coffee or a walk. I personally feel a first date should just be a means to verify that they look like their pictures and they're not secretly a serial killer (though how would you find that out on a first date anyway).
I don't know if the area has changed that much either. Perhaps a hyperconnected society and the high cost of living has made people more transient and less committal. That could translate to changes in the dating scene.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You dont need to do that lol. The "everyone around this area does drugs or X, Y, Z thing" is only a valid argument if you live in the middle of nowhere or you're talking about watching hockey (*in Canada lolol). If you live in or near Vancouver this is not an actual realizable argument and shouldn't be treated as such.
As someone living in Vancouver but not from here or anywhere else in Canada, I can probably chime in. Most of my single female friends as well as the girls I've dated have told me horror stories about Vancouver and BC guys in general. Seems that they're either a spoiled rich kid or an unemployed slob living on their friend's couch until their movie career kicks off. I've not heard stories of guys showing up dressed like slobs or smelling badly though.
Looking for non-smokers (cigarettes) shouldn't be too difficult, but I think finding people who don't smoke weed at least recreationally is pretty hard. There are many people who aren't into the party/clubbing scene in Vancouver, they tend to be more into the hiking/outdoorsy stuff which is obviously huge. There's also a pretty sizeable social dancing community in the city, swing, salsa, blues etc and these people aren't into the party lifestyle either in my experience.
I would echo some of Gotdatmoney's comments about not liking dinner dates as first dates and not being willing to wait an eternity for sex. But I don't think that will be a major inhibitor to your dating prospects.
I feel like when some guys use apps like tinder or dating sites in general they categorize girls based on their attractiveness. Some girls are girlfriend material are worth putting in effort for and some girls might be worth banging during a dry spell if they don't have to put too much effort in. Obviously the criteria for categorization will be different for each guy but it mostly comes down to general attractiveness.
Looking for non-smokers (cigarettes) shouldn't be too difficult, but I think finding people who don't smoke weed at least recreationally is pretty hard. There are many people who aren't into the party/clubbing scene in Vancouver, they tend to be more into the hiking/outdoorsy stuff which is obviously huge. There's also a pretty sizeable social dancing community in the city, swing, salsa, blues etc and these people aren't into the party lifestyle either in my experience.
I would echo some of Gotdatmoney's comments about not liking dinner dates as first dates and not being willing to wait an eternity for sex. But I don't think that will be a major inhibitor to your dating prospects.
I feel like when some guys use apps like tinder or dating sites in general they categorize girls based on their attractiveness. Some girls are girlfriend material are worth putting in effort for and some girls might be worth banging during a dry spell if they don't have to put too much effort in. Obviously the criteria for categorization will be different for each guy but it mostly comes down to general attractiveness.
I think the online dating scene in BC is fucked to be honest lol.You could try marriage or paid websites (at least paid for men but free for women) for more relationship-ready men and not casual flings cause that's what dating websites tend to become.
Or maybe British Columbia is just fucked
Thank you for this I really needed it, super helpful and reassuring!
Obviously not all people do it, but from what I have been seeing online and off/other peoples observations it is a huge problem and is getting worse.
I want to go back on OkCupid but everytime I do I end up looking at all the gender based questioms guys answer and all of them are really sexist and the site then turns me completely off. Dinner is formal I do agree but thats why I usually suggest meeting up before we decide on a place...normally I get guys to send me updated pictures of themselves or talk on the phone for a bit just to get a feel for things. Also a helpful post thank you.
I almost only know a handful of people that dont smoke weed here, it kind of makes me feel like im an alien. I know Tinder is just a garbage site, I am going to remove my profile from it because even though there are a small amount of guys that are genuine, its not worth softing through all the sleazy guys looking for a poke.
When I used okcupid I never really paid much attention to the match percentage or the questions people answered. I purely used it as a way of getting to meet people. I don't really factor in anything they say in their profile (unless it's truly awful). Nothing is real to me until I meet them in person.
I've only once or twice asked to speak to someone on the phone before meeting and that was when I was concerned I was being set up or scammed. I get being cautious about meeting people in real life, especially when your safety is at risk, but is it possible you might be spending too long talking to people before meeting them? I often find that creates a higher chance of a date being disappointing, because you've build up an image of them in your head or you've run out of things to talk about in person.
Is your no weed policy a zero tolerance thing or are you only against get high every day? I don't mind dating people who smoke weed as long as they don't do it around me or show up to our dates high, but I'm not looking for a long term partner. If I was, maybe my standards would be different.
Tinder can lead to long term romances. You just have to be very patient. I think the trick with online dating sites is just to get to the meeting as soon as possible so as not to waste your time. Maximize the volume of dates to up the chances of meeting someone you're compatible with.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you and all the people you know and or have heard things from congregated and were able to identify the drug usage of 5000 people (doubtful) you would only have identified 1% of a city the size of Vancouver, Edmonton or Hamilton. Is this really a reasonable anecdote to be forming opinions off of?
Being perfectly honest you're going to become jaded if you let stuff like this color your opinion. It's the equivalent of "every girl/guy has a SO!" Naw they dont. But if your mindser is already defeatist your not going to recognize prime opportunities.
Here is another example of something that is too extreme for me. Talk on the phone before I've even seen you in person? It's a very aggressive take on the matter. Online dating. Hell dating in general is a lot of Ls and then a W here and there. That's the nature. It just seems like you're not seeing that shit isn't going to be nice most of the time in this environment. It only takes one good experience to literally set you up for tons of happy times.
Incendiary
Banned
I met a girl on Tinder, we seemed to get along great, so we exchanged phone numbers - she then proceeded to try and call me two or three times, unprompted, before we had even had a chance to meet in person. I dropped her immediately - that made me super uncomfortable.
names2hard4you
Member
The same has happened to me ^ It is an immediate nono. The thing about dating is that you aren't supposed to put THAT much effort into it, at least at first. You haven't even met the person, and if you are going by a couple of texts you can easily delude yourself into thinking they are something else. I've fallen victim to this.
I've got a date lined up for early next week. A little later than I'd like, but due to midterms and a family birthday this weekend, alongside her having crunch hours at work, it had to be done. I noticed her and myself slipping into the good old "texting throughout the day" a little bit too much, so I broke it off in order to concentrate on my studies and let her do her job.
Again, she seems great, we are both originally from Europe, she's educated, all that hence the slip up. But I ain't making a full blown picture of who she is, and will be waiting until we meet to start opening up with her more.
names2hard4you
Member
There is a difference between a short call before a date, and a call in the middle of the day while she is walking her dog to talk about nothing. This when the date is days away. I was busy at work, kept trying to get off and she wouldn't have it.
Phone calls are fine if they have a purpose and aren't interfering with other matters. Now if I haven't even seen you in person and you are calling me out of nowhere for no good reason at business hours, I mean...
I only mean the answers to questions that were designed to point out blatant sexists. I try to talk to them for at least three days or so to get a feel of them past "hey hows it going" my weed policy is really only open to people that may do it at a party or once in a while...in my experience the guys that smoke weed have a hard time paying attention to the conversation or talking about interesting topics so I just avoid them now. That is true, I should hasten my timing lol. Thank you
Im just saying it seems this way because nearly every experience has this outcome and it scares me like where are all the sober people? I usually let the guy call me I will never initiate a call because I hate my voice, but it does make me feel better about meeting them after.
Ugh not even asking to call is creepy af.
Long past are those days friend, I miss it sometimes.
Some people like hearing voices, I like to hear if someones voice is nice first lol...obviously not a deal breaker though since I have a bad voice.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Yes.
Also yes.
Congrats and good plan.
Phones have a talking feature? You sure?
But seriously, maybe its a me thing but just a text saying, heading out is pre much all I want
I dunno, doing sober people stuff? What is sober people stuff come to think of it
But actually, your probably just unlucky if this is your current experience. Just keep trying
Hearing their voices, seeing if they look like their pics indicate...that's all stuff I do on the first meet. Won't even call it a first date...I just think of it as two adults meeting up in meatspace, feeling each other out, seeing if we want to go on real dates. Hence meeting up for coffee or drinks. If something doesn't match up you can bail in 15 minutes, and you're only out $5 ($11 if you paid parking).
Subpar Spatula
Banned
Dating in BC and more specifically Vancouver is more based around social and economic ladders. I have a few friends who won't date people from Surrey, Langley, etc. because of the implied issues that they could have + undesirable locations. These people aren't gold diggers but prefer their partner reflect their ambition / economic stature. The point is you may only appeal to men or women in your social / economic demographic.
Well, you could say this is for every part of the world.
Well, you could say this is for every part of the world.
While I think it's generally true that people date around their social and economic circles, most people don't have a problem dating someone from a different social class or ethnic background. I don't generally date people from Surrey or Langley not because of the implied social status that comes with living there, it's just because it's a pain in the ass to get there. I don't want to take an hour and a half journey to see someone when there are plenty of people to date a lot closer. I've dated girls from Port Coquitlam and Abbotsford and it just doesn't work for me. Even if I had a car it's too much of a hassle for me.
There are common types you will encounter when you go into any city thats true, that is probably where my issue lies, I am so out of touch with all the cities common types. OkCupid would be perfect for me in theory but it always has a way of making me just...angry or depressed.
Like doing anything not high or drunk lol.I dunno, doing sober people stuff? What is sober people stuff come to think of it
But actually, your probably just unlucky if this is your current experience. Just keep trying
I think that it is just bad luck....for 3 years. D:
Gugi, your attitude is extremely defeatist, and I have a feeling that has to do with your "bad luck". Come on, there's other people in the friggin' world (or BC) that don't drink or get high for Christ's sake. Moreover, every solution others have given you you seem to have an excuse for. You don't want to use Tinder, but OKC makes you angry/sad? You want to talk on the phone before meeting up (which imo is a bit pushing it in online dating), yet you don't actually want to make the call because you hate your voice? Guess what, if they do call you first, guess what they're gonna hear regardless?
It almost feels as though you're setting yourself up for failure. Tinder failed for three years? Try something else. Match. OKC. Maybe just going to a Meetup with likeminded people and realizing that maybe the things you're looking for aren't that uncommon. You can't expect to try the same thing over and over again and expect something to magically change.
It almost feels as though you're setting yourself up for failure. Tinder failed for three years? Try something else. Match. OKC. Maybe just going to a Meetup with likeminded people and realizing that maybe the things you're looking for aren't that uncommon. You can't expect to try the same thing over and over again and expect something to magically change.
I'm assuming this question has been asked a million times, but I'm struggling with it. I've been talking to this girl for about 1-2 months. We've seen each other for the past 3 Saturdays with plans to meet this week too. My question oddly enough is whether she actually likes me and how to tell? While she does seem interested in meeting up when I mention it, there are many times she seems indifferent when texting. I'm normally the one about 80% of the time initiating the conversation. Sometimes she'll be online but take her time responding back. Other times its immediate. While I flirt with her often, I can't recall her doing the same. I'm so confused.
names2hard4you
Member
You are overthinking. A problem I too used to have when I started. There is a time when "you need to let go". Everyone has their own life to worry about, and you clearly are putting this person over everything else going on in your life. Sure you can send a message, but noticing that she is online and not responding means that you are waiting. A word of warning is that very often, girls do not like this behavior. It is overbearing, and quite frankly, clingy. You have gone out 3 times, so you need to relax. You don't need to message each other 24/7. If she's not starting the conversation, maybe it is a sign that there is nothing to be said?
ZackieChan
Member
He didn't even go on the date, so it was only $6 😅
It's like the people in the "applying for jobs" thread that have been applying unsuccessfully for YEARS, but haven't done anything majorly different. It's like Bruce Lee says - gotta be like water.
She probably doesn't like you romantically, going by what you said. So you're just hanging out as friends? Ask her on a date. If she says yes, she probably likes you. Otherwise either stop talking to her, or if you can handle being friends without romance, keep being friends.
I've asked her out twice, she asked the last time. I'd be genuinely surprised if she wasn't aware I'm interested in her.
Truthfully I've been thinking along on the same line. Appreciate the advice I'll definitely follow it.
Has she touched you in anyway beyond a goodbye hug?
As Zackie suggested, ask her out on a date. It's the simplest and clearest way to gauge interest. That you've been on three meetings without kissing, its safe to assume they weren't dates.
names2hard4you
Member
How to get a date by Joe Santagato. Literally just saw this on my Youtube feed. Sure, the guy cracks a joke here and there since that is his thing, but some of his advice is quite solid. Don't lie about your height though LOL.
ZackieChan
Member
I'm too old for this shit
How to get a date: Be as good looking as Joe Santagato
Subpar Spatula
Banned
Work out and follow fashion trends?
Not really excuses since I go out of my way to do that shit regardless of how I feel about it and I dont show my distaste for anything to the person im dating so no its not my "bad luck" seeping out or something :/ I didnt use Tinder for three years in fact I barely use it for the exact reason everyone says (its for being sleazy). I tried OkCupid multiple times in different ways and always get the same result, I use POF for years and try different shit with the same result. I feel like you didnt even read my posts or maybe just took them way out of the wrong side and ran with that. I came here for advice (which I have already acted on) not shade.
EchoChamber
Member
Finally I'm going to use tinder 😁 hopefully something happens.
You will more than likely come back a humbled person.
AdventureRacing
Member
Yeah but back then most of the time you'd already have met someone in person before you would talk to them on the phone. That's a completely different scenario to online dating IMO. Personally I don't think it's necessary to talk on the phone before a date and I dare say for a large part of the population that rings true. Texting is fine to organise the meetup and the rest you can discuss in person.
EchoChamber
Member
Fuck I think I discovered I'm shallow as fuck hahaha a lot of nopes using tinder.
ZackieChan
Member
You're right on track to get zero dates from it. Keep it up!
Krauser Kat
Member
I dun goofed myself.
went to a girls high school reunion for our first date. GOES FANTASTIC.
We have another date the next week going to a climbing gym and it was awesome.
We both go back to gym a couple days later.
We then take yoga there and i buy a membership to the climbing gym (the yoga is free with the membership)
We go climbing again last night and she friend zoned me, i still want to go climbing and get fitter and meet new people but im still really attracted to her. First Time i have slept with someone and got one sided friendzoned. Shits going to be rough since she is my only climbing partner right now.
went to a girls high school reunion for our first date. GOES FANTASTIC.
We have another date the next week going to a climbing gym and it was awesome.
We both go back to gym a couple days later.
We then take yoga there and i buy a membership to the climbing gym (the yoga is free with the membership)
We go climbing again last night and she friend zoned me, i still want to go climbing and get fitter and meet new people but im still really attracted to her. First Time i have slept with someone and got one sided friendzoned. Shits going to be rough since she is my only climbing partner right now.
I was giving advice, not throwing shade. I'm just blunt.
all my advice boils down to is "be more positive and get yourself out there to meet more people in general". But this is just my opinion on the situation, you can freely ignore it or take it. And yes I read your posts. I read almost every post. I think it'll drive me insane someday (not because of you of course, your situation is relatively mild).
Gotdatmoney
Member
Eh that wasn't shade. An example of shade would be the thread title for example lolol (good ole Jason's Ultimatum).
There is a lot of negativity in your posts (well actually that's normal course for this thread) that is uneeded. The major thing that has to be understood is that criticism shouĺdn't be taken as an attack. No one is out here trying to tear anybody down for fun.
But in order to get new results you are going to have to try new things. I think that's the major thing. Turn your focus to things you can do to be in a better position opposed to what others are doing. For example, if you have deduced everyone does drugs in your area then you may consider moving. These people aren't going to stop doing them so youbshould put more energy into doing you.
Also Tinder is awesome
2 things.
1. Why did you go and buy a membership to this place with a girl you've seen like what? 3 times.
2.Why do you need a partner for this? You can't do it alone? If not, go back to point 1.
The solution to this however is to stop talking to this girl and do your own thing.
She's not that into texting. Chill out and don't be that guy waiting by his phone waiting desperately for a reply. Especially the part about looking to see if she's online. That's borderline creepy.
She probably wasn't all that into you to begin with. Most likely wanted a date to her reunion so she wouldn't have to show up alone and then threw you some pity sex as payment. I'm sure that climbing gym has some sort of class, join up with that, delete that girl's contact info and move on.
I'm not that old - this was with online dating as well. TBH I would rather do one short call to set things up than send a bunch of texts. I can understand people being put off by getting multiple/long calls or ones during work, but people cutting things off just because they want to talk on the phone is kind of an over-reaction IMO and I hate talking on the phone and am not very talkative to begin with.
I would have already moved if it were that easy, and of course there is negativity! Why would I be all happy and cheerful about my situation? Anyone who remembers my past posts will know that I have been through some shit. The fact of the matter is that I still am searching all hopeful and showing men my best and true self everytime so when I am being told that its my fault for my trouble because I am negative in a thread where I feel safe to be honest about a trying situation, yeah it feels like an attack. Acting like I havent tried other things... lol oh man.Eh that wasn't shade. An example of shade would be the thread title for example lolol (good ole Jason's Ultimatum).
There is a lot of negativity in your posts (well actually that's normal course for this thread) that is uneeded. The major thing that has to be understood is that criticism shouĺdn't be taken as an attack. No one is out here trying to tear anybody down for fun.
But in order to get new results you are going to have to try new things. I think that's the major thing. Turn your focus to things you can do to be in a better position opposed to what others are doing. For example, if you have deduced everyone does drugs in your area then you may consider moving. These people aren't going to stop doing them so youbshould put more energy into doing you.
Also Tinder is awesome
I was giving advice, not throwing shade. I'm just blunt.
And yes I read your posts. I read almost every post. I think it'll drive me insane someday (not because of you of course, your situation is relatively mild).
Not really, all I saw was you assuming that it is just me thats the problem and that I should try OkCupid again (which I am already doing). Only at the end was there some bit of advice which blandly says the ole' geneeic get out and meet people... why would I be online dating if I could just constantly get out and meet new people, but then again you guys dont know my situation for that :/
Krauser Kat
Member
I wanted to join the gym before her.
She introduced me to it officially though. I really dont mind being friends with her in the long run. Just right now i still think she is cute as fuck and would like a different relationship with her.
Climbing is way more fun with two people even if its platonic. I just have to see some more people and crush on someone else for her to make the full transistion to platonic friend/climbing partner.
really this went from, I get to climb with a sexy girlfriend to i get to climb with an attractive girl that im friends with. Its a little less awesome but ill live.
EchoChamber
Member
I think you are right ZackieChan I am already out of people to swipe 😱
ZackieChan
Member
Tinder is not for being too picky
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