Mega, if you are breaking up with your girl, you do it BEFORE Boston, not after. Not only is that exceptionally cruel and unusual to take her on vacation just before dumping her, but it'll also be an awkward as hell trip. You'll be fretting about what is coming, and she'll feel how weird you're being. The whole thing sounds like a recipe for disaster. Even if she's already put money into it, you do it before.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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always crazy bacon
Banned
You can avoid most cat fishing if you request a video call with the people you plan to meet. A catfishes will make all kinds of excuses as to why it's not possible and that will be a red flag. If it's too good to be true, it also probably is. Overweight nerd, not much dating sucesss and then hits it of with a cute Asian girl, you'll need to self asses the situation. Anyway, don't feel too bad, you'll have an interesting dating story for the future and a lesson to be more careful.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Just got ghosted, I don't get it. I started talking to this girl on tinder for over a day, she added me on all social media and talked till really late in the morning I wake up and wham! Deleted me off everything. I don't get it, if you don't enjoy talking or if there is any issues i'd rather be told up front instead of now where I'm wondering what I did wrong
Nothing, she got a better offer.
Just got ghosted, I don't get it. I started talking to this girl on tinder for over a day, she added me on all social media and talked till really late in the morning I wake up and wham! Deleted me off everything. I don't get it, if you don't enjoy talking or if there is any issues i'd rather be told up front instead of now where I'm wondering what I did wrong
Don't invest that much time in somebody you've never met. Chat for a bit, invite them on a date / offer to meet.
Megalosaro
Banned
I'm not going to break up with her. I am going to talk to her though. I'm going to explain to her that I'm going to work on getting my own place, but in the mean time I want her to stay over and what I can do to make her more comfortable in my home.
Messofanego
Banned
Why can't she compromise just a little too by going to her place and having mom be out of the house when you gotta do the deed? Or just the mom be cool with it, and put on headphones or something lol?
Ahhh I misunderstood then. Fair enough.
Just got ghosted, I don't get it. I started talking to this girl on tinder for over a day, she added me on all social media and talked till really late in the morning I wake up and wham! Deleted me off everything. I don't get it, if you don't enjoy talking or if there is any issues i'd rather be told up front instead of now where I'm wondering what I did wrong
People ghost because it can be dangerous to not ghost. She didn't know you well enough to know how you handle rejection.
You very likely didn't do anything wrong, there's 10,000 reasons she could have changed her mind. Don't worry about it, that's part of the online dating game.
Megalosaro
Banned
We've done something like that, but again they share a bedroom. Her mom has basically the same schedule, and her mom is a homebody.
We've hung out when her mom isn't home, but she is very respectful of her mom and didn't want to inconvenience her. And I don't want her too. If she isn't comfortable coming over with me having roommate, no way in hell will she be ok telling her mom to put on "headphones".
And this isn't even just about doing the deed. I just want to be able to sleep next to my gf without springing for a hotel.
Messofanego
Banned
I just feel bad that you're the only one compromising here.
Glad you have decided not to break up with her. Living situations and jobs can change. If you love her and she loves you, you will find a way to make it work.
I've been stalking this thread for a little while, but well, here goes.
I've just ended a 7 year relationship with my fiancée (was getting married in November)
I'm kind of in limbo at the moment. We had some really significant issues but at the end of the day she was a really good person and my best friend but we were just so incompatible in other areas and wanted different things in life.
So, here's the plan. I'm 32, been living with my parents in all that time (long story). I've decided I'm going to find a room mate and get a place near the beach. I'm also going to the gym 6 times a week and working on my diet. But what next? It feels way too early to get on tinder etc. I'm just not ready for complex emotions right now. Also going to vegas for a bucks party and then maybe Cabo by myself in a few weeks.
What do you guys think of the plan?
I've just ended a 7 year relationship with my fiancée (was getting married in November)
I'm kind of in limbo at the moment. We had some really significant issues but at the end of the day she was a really good person and my best friend but we were just so incompatible in other areas and wanted different things in life.
So, here's the plan. I'm 32, been living with my parents in all that time (long story). I've decided I'm going to find a room mate and get a place near the beach. I'm also going to the gym 6 times a week and working on my diet. But what next? It feels way too early to get on tinder etc. I'm just not ready for complex emotions right now. Also going to vegas for a bucks party and then maybe Cabo by myself in a few weeks.
What do you guys think of the plan?
Getting on tinder doesn't need to be complex emotions. Could just be meeting up. Or just boning. Doesn't need to be complicated at all... the rest sounds good I guess. Aside from the roommate thing. Get a bungalow or studio near the beach. Live alone.
Megalosaro
Banned
Today went well.
Picked her up, had Panda Express, then went back to her apartment.
Usually when we hang out at her place, we chill outside at this gazaboo thing. We did the same tonight. She wanted to build a gundam model since I mentioned I build them when I was showing her japan pictures. So we started on an HGUC Doven Wolf. Which she really got into and was faster than me.
Afterwards I asked her about staying at my place. She got really defensive but I was patient, but firm in explaining that it was important for us to have that private place. She made a few comments like "spending time together isn't good enough", but I answered with "of course it is, this is just one more way to spend time.
So i asked what i can do to make her feel more at home at my place. She eventually opened up to the idea.
Picked her up, had Panda Express, then went back to her apartment.
Usually when we hang out at her place, we chill outside at this gazaboo thing. We did the same tonight. She wanted to build a gundam model since I mentioned I build them when I was showing her japan pictures. So we started on an HGUC Doven Wolf. Which she really got into and was faster than me.
Afterwards I asked her about staying at my place. She got really defensive but I was patient, but firm in explaining that it was important for us to have that private place. She made a few comments like "spending time together isn't good enough", but I answered with "of course it is, this is just one more way to spend time.
So i asked what i can do to make her feel more at home at my place. She eventually opened up to the idea.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yeah. After that long it definitely gets lonely. When I first got my own place I felt so fucked up being alone in the first time in forever. It was hard as fuck. But now that I have adjusted, I dont think I could ever have roomates again. It feels awesome to have all the freedom. It still gets lonely but then I just go out and have some pints with some people and its all good.
It took me a while to really even start talking to girls. I just wasnt interested in the first few months. But IMO its really important to get your independence back. It also looks better to have your own place when you hit our age. I just got a tiny apartment above a pub right near the beach and a few minute walk from downtown. Its perfect.
And yeah if you dont feel like going on Tinder just dont. Give yourself some time.
The trasition can be rough for sure but ince you adjust you'll be golden. So I recommend going solo. Just spend a lot of time going out and doing fun stuff and not sitting around feeling all down and shit. I did that and it nearly killed me.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
It seems like you addressed a difficult issue in an adult way and are potentially getting a positive outcome. Nice one. Make sure she follows through with it.
Also it is incredibly weird that she sleeps in the same room as her mum.
Sounds like you went through something similar?
Anyway, I'm actually just looking forward to this new chapter in my life. I could dwell on a lot of things but I'm choosing to be positive about this change.
You may be right in that I should go solo, but I can always try it out for a few months first and see how it goes as I won't be committed. Any tips on joining social circles in your local area? Like, are you contacting friends for beers or do you just head to the pub? Kinda hoping I can just cruise down to the pub and make friends
Last year, I bought my own place and I was lonely as f#ck. Thought more people would hit me up like my closest friends, but no.
One month I was so lonely and depressed, never want to have that feeling again. Luckily my sports friends hit me up alot now.
I made new friends with sports. I see them alot more than my other group of friends. I never just go alone to a pub or something, so don't have any tips about that for you.
Best tips I can offer...find a group of people and be in proximity to them frequently. Keep yourself approachable (not buried in a book, absorbed in your phone, or listening to music), and be willing to potentially embarrass yourself with a stupid joke. Try to explore your new city a bit to find social groups with hobbies you enjoy - Meetup.com and local free papers can help here.
You know, that's what that gets me about the whole thing.
Like, she doesn't want ANY roommate EVER because then it's "not your own place". But yet not only does she live with her mom, but they share a one bedroom. That's even less privacy than having a roommate!
Also, she doesn't want to "give up her lifestyle", but no matter how good that apartment that is, she lives with her mom in a one bedroom apartment. How is that such a good lifestyle?
It just feels so off. I understand needing to do things that might be rough like living with a family member or roommate in a 1/1, but to then turn around and be like "no roommates ever for you! my lifestyle is great!" comes off really badly. Almost hypocritical.
Krauser Kat
Member
Hey! i have only done 4 in one day... and that was too much. Also in all different parts of the city.
Not having roommates is the best thing ever, but then again I'm an introvert.
Otherwise, considering volunteering, for example at an animal shelter or hospital. You get to do some good, and you know that the people you'll meet are at least decent people.
It does sound weird (less privacy is still better than no privacy with hover-mom). On the other hand, I also kind of understand. Living with family is one thing, living with strangers who you might not get along with is another. But her living situation and perspective definitely come off as strange.
I hear meetup.com is good
Otherwise, considering volunteering, for example at an animal shelter or hospital. You get to do some good, and you know that the people you'll meet are at least decent people.
It does sound weird (less privacy is still better than no privacy with hover-mom). On the other hand, I also kind of understand. Living with family is one thing, living with strangers who you might not get along with is another. But her living situation and perspective definitely come off as strange.
Megalosaro
Banned
The two big things are
1 - Noise. She doesn't want anyone to hear us. At all.
2 - the bathroom situation. She wants to have
Unrestricted access and is worriedabout my room mate (not the asshoe, my other roommate) will get upset she uses the bathroom . Feels word taking a shower.
We are babysitting her neice on friday. Afterwards, we are going to go back to my b place.
It's not like she hasn't been there before. She's come over a few times. U guys we just have to ease her in. It's a strange place to her still.
1 - Noise. She doesn't want anyone to hear us. At all.
2 - the bathroom situation. She wants to have
Unrestricted access and is worriedabout my room mate (not the asshoe, my other roommate) will get upset she uses the bathroom . Feels word taking a shower.
We are babysitting her neice on friday. Afterwards, we are going to go back to my b place.
It's not like she hasn't been there before. She's come over a few times. U guys we just have to ease her in. It's a strange place to her still.
So..... it's come back to be specifically about the toxic roommate creating issues again.
Re: noise thing. Even if you move to a place without roommates, unless you have your own house, your neighbors will still hear anything loud.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You're looking at this through an American lens, what she is saying to me (as a guy that lives in China with his wife) makes sense culturally, even though Megas girlfriend is East Asian not Chinese.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Your roommate sucks and she's being unreasonable.
You still need to move out.
Like I said before, you're just putting out fires without even thinking ahead. What happens 6 months from now when you DO want to move in together?
You two are old enough that you've got to incorporate logistics into your thought process. She's also maybe at the age where she's thinking of kids and a partner.
You have a noted tendency to accept the status quo, because you're a risk-averse person. But you're not moving forward.
Look, assume the best outcome: you two, happily together, crazy in love and building Gundam figures. How do you get there? Work backwards. Your posts are all the same; you've done nothing other than attempt to socialize your (admittedly unreasonable) girlfriend into your situation, while we here on GAF soothe your anxieties.
Would it kill you to see if there's another apartment available - or a house with other roommates! - closer to her, your job, or both? Would it hurt to talk to your supervison about additional responsibilities?
Eventually, your girlfriend is going to realize you have no plan. It won't be a happy conversation. It's one thing to try, fail, and pivot; it's another to not try altogether.
(To be honest, you should look into the Air Force or Navy. You'd make way more money, could punch after 4 years, and have a marketable security clearance.)
LordKasual
Banned
you the person with the cunt roommate, yeah?
come on dude...you still letting this guy dictate your life?
I can understand her being self-conscious about privacy...but it really sounds like the brunt of the self consciousness is coming from the fact that your roommate makes no attempts to conceal the fact that he hates your girl.
I honestly don't know how you put up with that
I really don't know who's more at fault here. Her crippling anxiety towards people knowing she exists with you, your reluctance to do what's necessary to make her feel comfortable....or just your roommate who is an asshole and seems to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever as it relates to your life.
Just got ghosted, I don't get it. I started talking to this girl on tinder for over a day, she added me on all social media and talked till really late in the morning I wake up and wham! Deleted me off everything. I don't get it, if you don't enjoy talking or if there is any issues i'd rather be told up front instead of now where I'm wondering what I did wrong
She probably got conformation with some guy she really wanted to talk to. You got ghosted because it takes less energy to just remove you from her life digitally instead of actually having to engage you about it.
The sad reality of online dating is that you get to see how truly fickle and selfish people are when they're given near infinite options and opportunities to choose from. Especially as a female, if you're just searching casually (most people are), you don't really need to to commit to anything when the option of someone better is always possibly a few clicks/swipes away.
Sucks, but that's just the game. If you probably think back hard enough, you'll realize that you've probably more or less done the same thing to another chick you weren't too interested in.
Megalosaro
Banned
I don't share the bathroom with the asshole. He has his own bathroom. And asshole doesn't care anyway. He thinks it's strange she doesn't come over
And the one she is worried about doesn't care
And I hardly don't have a plan. I've been applying every day. And have had a few interviews
And the one she is worried about doesn't care
And I hardly don't have a plan. I've been applying every day. And have had a few interviews
always crazy bacon
Banned
Stop making excuses for that cunt. Your enabling and excusing of him is as bigger problem as his cuntery.
LordKasual
Banned
Okay, it sounds like the problem is probably mostly on her end then. (if we're just going to take your cunt roommate not being an issue at face value)
If she can't get over her crippling anxiety towards people knowing you do girlfriend/boyfriend things when you're alone, and makes no real attempt to change, then what can you really do about that???
Sounds like your choice is either to mold your situation to her needs or to keep having issues.
It's just me, but it sounds like her self-consciousness is weighted higher than spending time with you.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Same coment as I made to Gaiges, it's cultural not personal
LordKasual
Banned
Well...just being completely honest, the end result is the same, so i don't think this really changes the reality of the situation.
It makes it sound less like a personality issue on her end, but it isn't going to make the conundrum any better
In fact that just makes it worse lol
I can field this one. It's the roommate.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Yeah sounds like she needs to suck it up and just get used to spending the night at your place every once in a while. If a girl I was seeing couldn't spend the night because "dumb reasons" I'd be like what's up we can't keep doing this. Do what you can to make her as comfortable as possible at your place regardless of the roommate and tell her you really want her to spend the night.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Wow! cultural insensitivity gets a "LOL" from you. Nice...
The girl I talked about before cancelled today's date. She seemed really apologetic about it all (she wasn't feeling right, told me it's that time of the month) and told me she really wanted to meet me at another date, which was reassuring in a way.
I had to go through a bit of trouble to open today, which kind of rubs me the wrong way. That one, however, is on me.
I had to go through a bit of trouble to open today, which kind of rubs me the wrong way. That one, however, is on me.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Naw, it's his. His roomate isn't gonna change. Assholes will be assholes. We all have the power to choose who we associate with. If he is still living with this guy, accepting all this fuckboy none sense and going on trips with the dude why the fuck should anyone care about his greivances here?
I don't feel bad for Mega, I feel annoyed that this is even a topic of discussion still. If you don't wanna fix your problem that's fine, but god damn, shush about it then.
Megalosaro
Banned
Hey man, im trying my best. I actually am looking for work. I actually am looking for v other places.
I'm trying my best c with what I have. But this shit doesn't happen over night
I'm trying my best c with what I have. But this shit doesn't happen over night
Since I'm not familiar with the cultural aspect you are referring and can only look at through an American lens, could you explain the cultural part of it?
LordKasual
Banned
...they're having problems with their relationship. Girlfriend is having privacy issues. If they are worked out, then Mega and Girlfriend have a happy ending. If the problem is dealing with the girlfriend's personal hangups, then she needs to work on them. Mega can help her with this however he can, and they can come to a compromise that is mutually beneficial.
However, if the girlfriend's personal hangups are because of her culture, then suddenly this is far more difficult, because they are not only her personal hangups, they are hers, her families, possibly any of her peers who share her culture.
If it is indeed a cultural issue, then i was absolutely right -- she weighs her self-consciousness higher than she does her relationship with Mega. That doesn't make her a bad person, but it absolutely makes it worse for Mega because, seeing as his culture doesn't have such inherent restrictions, it puts all of the work on him. (if we're going to agree that the burden IS entirely on him, simply because someone can accuse him of being "culturally insensitive" otherwise.)
"Cultural insensitivity" has zero value here as far as problem solving goes
Gotdatmoney
Member
Okay good then. One thing I can't deal with is people who complain while not putting in the work to better their situation. If you're working to remedy it then that's really good man. Keep at it, it's coming 😄 I feel like it wasn't that long ago you were content with the living situation. Did something change?
Now I know where $350 a month on dates is going.
/s , kind of
Sounds like things are working out a little better though, happy for you.
Megalosaro
Banned
Panda was cheap as fuck. We split a 2 item lol.
Regarding what changed.
1- I'm bored at my job and felt I havent grown.
2- they moved us from OC to LAX area
Regarding what changed.
1- I'm bored at my job and felt I havent grown.
2- they moved us from OC to LAX area
always crazy bacon
Banned
I'm on iPad now. I might have time tomorrow to do a long form post. I've seen lord casual's post under yours so, I'll put a park on responding to that.
To be honest, it's a bit OT and actually intended to help Mega with a cross cultural relationship. But his shitty roommate is beyond my advice we have all given.
That is true, I didn't factor in that she's of Asian descent so living with mom is less stressful, though I still think she's being a little weird about the no roommates whatsoever thing.
I mean HIS roommates? Completely understandable. Friendly roommates? Not so much. Living where they live, she's going to have to be the one to give on this, unless they both suddenly get really awesome jobs. It's just the reality of living in that part of Cali, cultural hangups or not.
He insults her and punches walls if he hears sex and is surprised she doesn't come over?
um... well, I wouldn't come over either.
It's actually kind of funny now, they're both in roommate situations but neither wants to leave their roommate situation
Megalosaro
Banned
She has that whole filial piety thing though. She's the oldest cold, so she has to take care of her mom. She cant move out. And I'd we were to move in or even get married, I suspect mom would be there too
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Kinda serious: just marry her and have her and her mom as roommates?
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
i don't think it really is about this for her
it doesn't explain why she is so uncomfortable staying at yours
at best, she seems very fussy and coddled
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