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[Salamando]

There was a moment of clarity today that I had that made me icredibly depressed.

I just don't think my relationship is going to work out.

It's not because we don't get along. We get along fantastically. Our personalities mesh so well and she's basically everything I've ever looked for in a partner.

But the logistics of our relationship and living situations are too fucked. I've complained about it before, but I always felt this was something that could change. Tonight I realized that it wasn't going to get better.

I don't want to have to rent a hotel just to spend the night together. That basically limits it to like twice a month and I just cant do it anymore.

Tonight I tried getting her to spend the night. She refused. I get that we can't stay at her place, but then it has to be my place. She hates coming over period bease it's just not private enough and she doesn't want to shower in my bathroom since it share it with someone.

This isn't going to change. The feeling I'm getting is that she'd never feel comfortable with coming over, no matter who my roommates are. As long as I have roommates, she won't come over. Not enough privacy.
I can't afford to live by myself.

It sucks that two people who work so well together can't work out. We are going to Boston next month. After that, I'm going to break it off. I am already emotionally preparing myself, but I know I'm going to take it hard. But I know it's the right thing to do.

And it hurts knowing that. I'm going to miss her so much. She truly is incredible.

This is not a problem solved - it's a problem delayed.

Let's say you follow through with this...months from now, you meet a new girl...what do you expect to change? Your job will still pay too little, your roommate will still be a jackass. Are you hoping your new boo has a cool roommate or a killer job?

Talk to her about your fears.

 

[longdi]

Help gaf! How do i initiate and carry on a conversation without sounding like a q&a interview session...im kinda afraid to make lame jokes or appearing stupid. What's your seceretss..

 

[Salamando]

Help gaf! How do i initiate and carry on a conversation without sounding like a q&a interview session...im kinda afraid to make lame jokes or appearing stupid. What's your seceretss..

Be more willing to make lame jokes and appear stupid. No secrets, just talk to everyone and learn from the bad conversations.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Yo mega. What are the chances of you finding your own place? Even if its a box it might be worth it buddy. You talk about this girl like she is the best thing ever. But roomates can cause a big problem. Trust me. I been there, I know. Its hard to be intimate when you live with other people.

Think about it buddy. When are you going to find something like this again? How much do you care about this girl?

Dont go making any rash decisions just yet. If you really think that you have met a girl that is worth fighting for, then fucking fight for her bro. Do whatever the fuck you have to to make it work. Fuck your roomates and what they think. If things are guna get serious.. and I dont know how old you are... you're guna have to ditch tbe roomates eventually and do your own thing.
Fuck your roomates, fuck the "logistics" of everything.
Grab life by the balls man. Dont ever pass up a good oppertunity. Especially over some roomates who dont give a fuck about you at the end of the day.

I'm rambling a lil bit cuz im drunk as fuck but dont go fucking throw sometikng good away because you are afraid of what other people might think.

 

[gaiages]

To be blunt Mega, if this isn't the thing that will finally get you to try and move out, nothing ever will change.

Guess you and your batshit insane roommate are made for each other.

 

[Llyranor]

Break up with the roommate, not the gf.

 

[vypek]

There was a moment of clarity today that I had that made me icredibly depressed.

I just don't think my relationship is going to work out.

It's not because we don't get along. We get along fantastically. Our personalities mesh so well and she's basically everything I've ever looked for in a partner.

But the logistics of our relationship and living situations are too fucked. I've complained about it before, but I always felt this was something that could change. Tonight I realized that it wasn't going to get better.

I don't want to have to rent a hotel just to spend the night together. That basically limits it to like twice a month and I just cant do it anymore.

Tonight I tried getting her to spend the night. She refused. I get that we can't stay at her place, but then it has to be my place. She hates coming over period bease it's just not private enough and she doesn't want to shower in my bathroom since it share it with someone.

This isn't going to change. The feeling I'm getting is that she'd never feel comfortable with coming over, no matter who my roommates are. As long as I have roommates, she won't come over. Not enough privacy.
I can't afford to live by myself.

It sucks that two people who work so well together can't work out. We are going to Boston next month. After that, I'm going to break it off. I am already emotionally preparing myself, but I know I'm going to take it hard. But I know it's the right thing to do.

And it hurts knowing that. I'm going to miss her so much. She truly is incredible.

Is her problem with staying over specifically that it is shared and not private enough or actually that you have a bad roommate?

From reading your previous posts and especially this post, it seems like breaking it off would be a monumentally bad idea. Your portraying this woman as being great for you in so many ways and the only "con" is that you two can't spend the night together often enough. Is it really worth throwing away everything positive in a partner for that?

With how bad you know you'll miss her and how much you know the breakup is going to hurt you, it seems like you'd either manage with not spending nights together as often as you want or being forced to get some really small place by yourself. I think you live in an expensive part of California so it does seem like it would be better to just deal with the one single negative of not spending nights sleeping over.

Don't let go of someone you know is good for you with someone who seems to have a real negative effect on you. No guarantee that logistics will never change and you won't be able to switch industries or get somewhere new to stay or if she'll eventually decide she doesn't like spending nights without you and decides she'll try to stay over more often.

Think it through. There's a good reason you feel so bad about even thinking of breaking up with her.

 

[War Peaceman]

Mega maybe your girlfriend should compromise and you know... stay at your house and use your shower.

 

[artsi]

This isn't going to change. The feeling I'm getting is that she'd never feel comfortable with coming over, no matter who my roommates are. As long as I have roommates, she won't come over. Not enough privacy.
I can't afford to live by myself.

It sucks that two people who work so well together can't work out. We are going to Boston next month. After that, I'm going to break it off. I am already emotionally preparing myself, but I know I'm going to take it hard. But I know it's the right thing to do.

Why are you saying that? What about when you've been dating for long enough to move in together?
Then you both have fucking amazing roommates.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Wow, this sarahah app is great for a quick boost of self-esteem.

 

[gaiages]

Mega maybe your girlfriend should compromise and you know... stay at your house and use your shower.

Honestly? If my SO had a completely fucking psycho roommate I wouldn't want to use the shared shower either. And generally if I can't shower somewhere I'm not going to want to stay on a weeknight.

Fuck knows what he'd do

 

[electricshake]

There was a moment of clarity today that I had that made me icredibly depressed.

I just don't think my relationship is going to work out.

It's not because we don't get along. We get along fantastically. Our personalities mesh so well and she's basically everything I've ever looked for in a partner.

But the logistics of our relationship and living situations are too fucked. I've complained about it before, but I always felt this was something that could change. Tonight I realized that it wasn't going to get better.

I don't want to have to rent a hotel just to spend the night together. That basically limits it to like twice a month and I just cant do it anymore.

Tonight I tried getting her to spend the night. She refused. I get that we can't stay at her place, but then it has to be my place. She hates coming over period bease it's just not private enough and she doesn't want to shower in my bathroom since it share it with someone.

This isn't going to change. The feeling I'm getting is that she'd never feel comfortable with coming over, no matter who my roommates are. As long as I have roommates, she won't come over. Not enough privacy.
I can't afford to live by myself.

It sucks that two people who work so well together can't work out. We are going to Boston next month. After that, I'm going to break it off. I am already emotionally preparing myself, but I know I'm going to take it hard. But I know it's the right thing to do.

And it hurts knowing that. I'm going to miss her so much. She truly is incredible.

Why can't you stay at hers? Because she lives with her mum? Are you a secret? If not, I don't see what the big deal is. But also, get a new roommate ffs.

 

[WolfeTone]

Mega, do you think your living situation is never going to change? Are you still going to be living there next year? Couldn't you potentially move in with your girlfriend by that point?

I know money is tough, but don't resign yourself to things never changing. We can all see how happy this girl makes you, don't throw that away because of your living situation.

Talk to her about this. Tell her what you've told us (except the part about wanting to break up).

 

[Leeness]

Mega, please don't throw away your girlfriend who you say makes you incredibly happy, for your fucking psycho roommate.

Move. Out.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Mega you are melodramatic.

 

[PancakeBurglar]

Either move in with her or find a new place with new roommates closer to where she lives.

 

[Seirith]

There was a moment of clarity today that I had that made me icredibly depressed.

I just don't think my relationship is going to work out.

It's not because we don't get along. We get along fantastically. Our personalities mesh so well and she's basically everything I've ever looked for in a partner.

But the logistics of our relationship and living situations are too fucked. I've complained about it before, but I always felt this was something that could change. Tonight I realized that it wasn't going to get better.

I don't want to have to rent a hotel just to spend the night together. That basically limits it to like twice a month and I just cant do it anymore.

Tonight I tried getting her to spend the night. She refused. I get that we can't stay at her place, but then it has to be my place. She hates coming over period bease it's just not private enough and she doesn't want to shower in my bathroom since it share it with someone.

This isn't going to change. The feeling I'm getting is that she'd never feel comfortable with coming over, no matter who my roommates are. As long as I have roommates, she won't come over. Not enough privacy.
I can't afford to live by myself.

It sucks that two people who work so well together can't work out. We are going to Boston next month. After that, I'm going to break it off. I am already emotionally preparing myself, but I know I'm going to take it hard. But I know it's the right thing to do.

And it hurts knowing that. I'm going to miss her so much. She truly is incredible.

That sounds like a horrible idea. Have you talked to your GF about how you feel and your concerns? What does she think?

Why can you not stay at her house? Is it her apartment her mom lives in or is it her moms apartment she lives in?

She is an adult, why can you not stay over there?

Is she willing to move out with you and the two of you get an apartment?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You're 30 years old. Stop being a fucking child.

Have an actual conversation with her about how to move forward and solicit her input. Also, show her your spreadsheet rather than (solely) make GAF topics about it.

And start formulating a plan to move.

Your living situation is shit.

Your commute is shit.

Your job is shit.

These are things you NEED to be working on, but you're not. You don't get a pity party in this thread. You get people who care enough to offer actionable advice.

 

[Megalosaro]

That sounds like a horrible idea. Have you talked to your GF about how you feel and your concerns? What does she think?

Why can you not stay at her house? Is it her apartment her mom lives in or is it her moms apartment she lives in?

She is an adult, why can you not stay over there?

Is she willing to move out with you and the two of you get an apartment?

I'm not a secret, but her mom doesn't want me to stay over because they share a one bedroom.

As for moving out, I can't just pop put because I'm on a lease that ends in december. And in any case, I'd still need to move to som Le place with roommates. She said as much. She is super picky about privacy.

 

[gaiages]

I'm not a secret, but her mom doesn't want me to stay over because they share a one bedroom.

As for moving out, I can't just pop put because I'm on a lease that ends in december. And in any case, I'd still need to move to som Le place with roommates. She said as much. She is super picky about privacy.

Here's a grand idea

Why not move in TOGETHER?

 

[Megalosaro]

We've talked a bit about this. The issue is the income disparity. Any place we could afford together would be a downgrade from the place she has with her mom.

I can't really afford OC rent. At least not yet. And in any case, she still has 9 months on her lease.

 

[gaiages]

We've talked a bit about this. The issue is the income disparity. Any place we could afford together would be a downgrade from the place she has with her mom.

I can't really afford OC rent. At least not yet. And in any case, she still has 9 months on her lease.

Have you talked to her about downgrading her life to be together or are you just making assumptions about it?

I'm wondering what you've discussed with HER before drawing up all of these conclusions. It's not really clear here.

I mean she shares a one bedroom with her mom but is really that picky about privacy? She really has a problem with ANY roommate?

 

[electricshake]

We've talked a bit about this. The issue is the income disparity. Any place we could afford together would be a downgrade from the place she has with her mom.

I can't really afford OC rent. At least not yet. And in any case, she still has 9 months on her lease.

Get a place with her and her mum? Not ideal but surely better than your current roommate? Unless you have Stockholm syndrome...

 

[Megalosaro]

Have you talked to her about downgrading her life to be together or are you just making assumptions about it?

I'm wondering what you've discussed with HER before drawing up all of these conclusions. It's not really clear here.

I mean she shares a one bedroom with her mom but is really that picky about privacy? She really has a problem with ANY roommate?

We've talked about all of this. We talk about pretty much everything and are very open.

She does not want to downgrade her life. She has said as much. Her apartment, even though it's a one bedroom, is in a really nice gated community. Who would want to give that up?

My apartment isn't terrible, but it's not great either. It's just a normal apartment. Regarding the privacy thing, she has a hard time having me inside her apartment when her mom is home. Regarding roommates: she said "it's not YOUR apartment" if you have roommates. She doesn't want to hear them, and she doesn't want them to hear us.

 

[MogCakes]

I would suggest you talk to her about the whole breakup thing and how seeing her twice a month via hotel rooms isn't gonna work indefinitely.

 

[Seirith]

We've talked about all of this. We talk about pretty much everything and are very open.

She does not want to downgrade her life. She has said as much. Her apartment, even though it's a one bedroom, is in a really nice gated community. Who would want to give that up?

My apartment isn't terrible, but it's not great either. It's just a normal apartment. Regarding the privacy thing, she has a hard time having me inside her apartment when her mom is home. Regarding roommates: she said "it's not YOUR apartment" if you have roommates. She doesn't want to hear them, and she doesn't want them to hear us.

Have you thought about moving to other areas that are cheaper?

How to do 2 adult women share a 1 bedroom apartment? She may have a "nice" apartment but she is 30ish (I assume, based on your age) living with her mom to afford rent. Is she going to do that forever?

Why not look for a better job and when her lease is up, you find a place together? That gives you 9 months to find a better job.

You can find someone to replace you at your current apartment when you move out.

Throwing out an amazing relationship over the cost of living is insane.

If you love her and she loves you, you need to have a conversation about moving forward and how you will do it so that you can live together with out anyone else. If she loves you as much as you love her, you two will make it work.

I had a coworker and her boyfriend, 1 made about 32k and the other worked as a cook and made less, who paid $1500 a month for an apartment. They could afford it. So you you can your GF if you want to.

 

[War Peaceman]

Honestly? If my SO had a completely fucking psycho roommate I wouldn't want to use the shared shower either. And generally if I can't shower somewhere I'm not going to want to stay on a weeknight.

Fuck knows what he'd do

I knew he had a roommate that he didn't get along with. I wasn't aware of the details. If he is then she is definitely in the right.

But if he could replace the madman with a normal human being she should come over, no question. If she can't be in a house with another person she needs to sort out her own hang ups. She shouldn't be so difficult.

 

[FyreWulff]

I knew he had a roommate that he didn't get along with. I wasn't aware of the details. If he is then she is definitely in the right.

But if he could replace the madman with a normal human being she should come over, no question. If she can't be in a house with another person she needs to sort out her own hang ups. She shouldn't be so difficult.

Mega used to have threads about him a while back. The guy would fucking rage and start punching things in his room just because he overheard sex. People have been telling Mega to get away from this dude for years.

 

[artsi]

Mega used to have threads about him a while back. The guy would fucking rage and start punching things in his room just because he overheard sex. People have been telling Mega to get away from this dude for years.

Yet he went to Japan with him, I'm rooting for Mega 100%, but he needs an intervention regarding his roommate.

 

[gaiages]

I knew he had a roommate that he didn't get along with. I wasn't aware of the details. If he is then she is definitely in the right.

But if he could replace the madman with a normal human being she should come over, no question. If she can't be in a house with another person she needs to sort out her own hang ups. She shouldn't be so difficult.

Now that, I agree with.

 

[War Peaceman]

mega dude you need to have some conviction. If that is true he is not safe to be around.

 

[EchoChamber]

Wait...Megalosaro is 30 years old?? Wow i though he was early 20s.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

You should fight your roomate.


Holy fuck I have a date in 2 hours and I think im still drunk from last night.

 

[Spoiled Milk]

You should fight your roomate.


Holy fuck I have a date in 2 hours and I think im still drunk from last night.

name checks out

 

[Gizuko]

Mega used to have threads about him a while back. The guy would fucking rage and start punching things in his room just because he overheard sex. People have been telling Mega to get away from this dude for years.

This is just sad.

Megalosaro, money-related issues are always hard to deal with, and sometimes we can feel powerless when dealing with them, but I honestly think there are a lot of things you should do before considering breaking up with your gf.

She seems to have a difficult stance regarding roommates, and she should definitely concede a bit if your roommate wasn't such an asshat. You should still talk things through with her once again, then perhaps bring this whole thing up (and tell her that this can't go on forever, etc) again after your trip.

I understand you both have gone over this before, but it's worth going over it again, specially if you are considering breaking up.

Still, solving this issue with your current gf by breaking up will only bid you so much time, and in exchange of such a wonderful relationship, going by your posts. Later on the same issues will come back, you'll either have another fallout with your roommate or your gf will realize he's a jackass and will take a similar stance.

You really need to do something about your situation, not your gf.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I lived with a crazy ass roomate and I was afraid to confront him about anything. It actually took him going to prison for a long time to actually cut contact with him. So I can empathize with it being a difficult situation. But its most definitely not a healthy one and the sooner you get out of that situation the better.

 

[gaiages]

This is just sad.

Megalosaro, money-related issues are always hard to deal with, and sometimes we can feel powerless when dealing with them, but I honestly think there are a lot of things you should do before considering breaking up with your gf.

She seems to have a difficult stance regarding roommates, and she should definitely concede a bit if your roommate wasn't such an asshat. You should still talk things through with her once again, then perhaps bring this whole thing up (and tell her that this can't go on forever, etc) again after your trip.

I understand you both have gone over this before, but it's worth going over it again, specially if you are considering breaking up.

Still, solving this issue with your current gf by breaking up will only bid you so much time, and in exchange of such a wonderful relationship, going by your posts. Later on the same issues will come back, you'll either have another fallout with your roommate or your gf will realize he's a jackass and will take a similar stance.

You really need to do something about your situation, not your gf.

I really do hope you take this post to heart, Mega.

 

[Gabbelgak]

I can't believe I'm going to put this out there but I'm turning to GAF for advice.

I just started dating this girl, we've been on 3 dates so far. Took her to a drive in theater where we ended up just talking for like 5 hours, took her to a beach picnic where we just talked and then she came over to my place for the 3rd date and we sat and watched game of thrones. When I say we watched game of thrones, that's literally all we did. This woman is great, she has a good job, is smart, great looking, easy to talk to, understanding. We are meeting up again tomorrow (just dinner break while she's at work)

I'm quite confident with most things in my life now, I think I look pretty good - go to the gym very often, just ran a triathlon, etc. Have a job I enjoy and am proud to say I work for. I'm actually quite comfortable talking with people now - however - why this is so difficult for me to write about is I'm 34 years old. I've never really been in a relationship - the only other girl I've even kissed was in high school, I just never pursued relationships or thought I would want one and I wasn't confident enough in myself in my 20's to pursue it either. I'm not shabby at romantic gestures, like surprising her with her favorite candies, romantic beach picnic, basic things like opening the door - but when it comes to actually being more intimate I'm like in shell shock or something.

I've told her I'm rather shy in that regard and it's "new terrain" for me. She was understanding and said we can take it at a pace that is comfortable to us both but has also said she likes physical things like kissing, hugging, snuggling. I don't want to deny her (or myself) these things but at the same time I find it incredibly difficult to commit physical displays of affection out of fear of the other person not being happy with it (despite her flat out saying she likes those things) or that I'm "doing it wrong"

Aside from just do it - there's no way to get over it except doing it (I know this) is there any advice anyone is able to really provide to kind of help me with the, courage I guess, to just do it.

 

[vypek]

I can't believe I'm going to put this out there but I'm turning to GAF for advice.

I just started dating this girl, we've been on 3 dates so far. Took her to a drive in theater where we ended up just talking for like 5 hours, took her to a beach picnic where we just talked and then she came over to my place for the 3rd date and we sat and watched game of thrones. When I say we watched game of thrones, that's literally all we did. This woman is great, she has a good job, is smart, great looking, easy to talk to, understanding. We are meeting up again tomorrow (just dinner break while she's at work)

I'm quite confident with most things in my life now, I think I look pretty good - go to the gym very often, just ran a triathlon, etc. Have a job I enjoy and am proud to say I work for. I'm actually quite comfortable talking with people now - however - why this is so difficult for me to write about is I'm 34 years old. I've never really been in a relationship - the only other girl I've even kissed was in high school, I just never pursued relationships or thought I would want one and I wasn't confident enough in myself in my 20's to pursue it either. I'm not shabby at romantic gestures, like surprising her with her favorite candies, romantic beach picnic, basic things like opening the door - but when it comes to actually being more intimate I'm like in shell shock or something.

I've told her I'm rather shy in that regard and it's "new terrain" for me. She was understanding and said we can take it at a pace that is comfortable to us both but has also said she likes physical things like kissing, hugging, snuggling. I don't want to deny her (or myself) these things but at the same time I find it incredibly difficult to commit physical displays of affection out of fear of the other person not being happy with it (despite her flat out saying she likes those things) or that I'm "doing it wrong"

Aside from just do it - there's no way to get over it except doing it (I know this) is there any advice anyone is able to really provide to kind of help me with the, courage I guess, to just do it.

It seems like you really understand your situation well and thought on it a lot.

Not sure what to you can do to get courage. But maybe if you realize you don't have to be worried you'll feel more emboldened and comfortable. You've already told her it's new terrain and that she is understanding. So it doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about at all. Especially considering she likes physical things.

You're just in your own head with a mental block but have no reason to. I think you just have to force yourself to go for it once and when you do you won't really have that mental issue.

 

[Steamlord]

I got fired the other day and asked out the receptionist on the way out. I didn't like the job anyway so I'd say it was a net positive.

 

[Gizuko]

I forgot to mention this earlier, but I'll be meeting the girl I talked about previously this monday. Ended up being an afternoon date, but we have been talking a lot since then, so I hope it goes well - we are pretty similar, to the point it's almost scary. I really have to thank you all for helping me out a few days ago.

I can't believe I'm going to put this out there but I'm turning to GAF for advice.

I just started dating this girl, we've been on 3 dates so far. Took her to a drive in theater where we ended up just talking for like 5 hours, took her to a beach picnic where we just talked and then she came over to my place for the 3rd date and we sat and watched game of thrones. When I say we watched game of thrones, that's literally all we did. This woman is great, she has a good job, is smart, great looking, easy to talk to, understanding. We are meeting up again tomorrow (just dinner break while she's at work)

I'm quite confident with most things in my life now, I think I look pretty good - go to the gym very often, just ran a triathlon, etc. Have a job I enjoy and am proud to say I work for. I'm actually quite comfortable talking with people now - however - why this is so difficult for me to write about is I'm 34 years old. I've never really been in a relationship - the only other girl I've even kissed was in high school, I just never pursued relationships or thought I would want one and I wasn't confident enough in myself in my 20's to pursue it either. I'm not shabby at romantic gestures, like surprising her with her favorite candies, romantic beach picnic, basic things like opening the door - but when it comes to actually being more intimate I'm like in shell shock or something.

I've told her I'm rather shy in that regard and it's "new terrain" for me. She was understanding and said we can take it at a pace that is comfortable to us both but has also said she likes physical things like kissing, hugging, snuggling. I don't want to deny her (or myself) these things but at the same time I find it incredibly difficult to commit physical displays of affection out of fear of the other person not being happy with it (despite her flat out saying she likes those things) or that I'm "doing it wrong"

Aside from just do it - there's no way to get over it except doing it (I know this) is there any advice anyone is able to really provide to kind of help me with the, courage I guess, to just do it.

You really just need to act. It REALLY is that simple. If she dislikes something, she'll tell you - being as considerate as she seems to be. Specially when dealing with things as tame as those you listed.

In fact, the bolded might even be her telling you to do those, her way of saying it's fine, to start there.

As soon as you start snuggling, kissing, hugging, etc, you'll notice your uneasiness will fade and you'll start doing them unconsciously.

 

[Astral]

Guys I need confirmation. Is sending a girl you've been talking to for a month but have only gone on a single date with, still just getting to know her, flowers for her birthday a bad idea? I'm telling my friend not to fucking do it but he's still thinking about it. His sister agrees with me and so does another friend. They're barely dating. They are nothing.

 

[Llyranor]

One date? It's a terrible idea. 1 month of 'talking' is not a useful measure of anything.

 

[Beren the Empty-Handed]

Well I fucked up big time. I was on my way to a date when my roommate texted me to remind me about their birthday party tonight (not actually their birthday today, but there won't be another party). I had to text my date to e cancel and hopefully postpone. The party is at a venue that sells tickets and they're sold out so I couldn't invite her. She wasn't happy and this was supposed to be a first date but I can't just not go to my roommates birthday party. I was swearing the whole way home. She probably won't give me a second chance since this was last notice. But someone was going to be upset and I didn't want it to be the person I lived with.

I'm not sure there was another way to do this without blowing off my roommate.

FUCK.

 

[jwk94]

GAF! I just had the most unique (for me) outing with this girl I met off Tinder. For the past week we've been chatting, short conversations. So, today we went shopping, then Olive Garden, then back to my place to watch Sleepaway Camp. When we got to my place, I showed her around briefly, and she made a beeline for my Switch the moment she saw it. So, we played a few rounds of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, then watched the movie.

Afterwards, we just chilled and talked about everything from religion to sexuality to gender norms, Trump, race in the USA, our goals, friends, and just so much crap that I can't remember. I just realized the whole thing lasted for eight hours! We have a real date planned for tomorrow. I'm so excited!

 

[Sheentak]

I got catfished and feel incredibly vulnerable.
just kinda wanted to talk about a very uncomfortable experience I just had and see if Sunday nyone had any advice to make me feel a bit better.

So I have been using tinder, pof ect for hook ups for some moderate success and things have been looking good. So few days ago I matched up with this cute Asian girl and we start talking/flirting and she wants me to come over Sunday . She also sent me some Lewds so that's promising.
I've done this quite a few times never had that much of a problem
So far so good.

So I go to her apartment in central its in a pretty nice area and all looks good and then the door opens and this middle aged guy opens up the door wearing sunglasses and a very loose robe.
This point I'm kinda a bit worried and I ask for the persons name and the guy goes that's me.
I have this horrible habit of freezing in situations like this. So I'm frozen at the spot and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

Turns out the person is a transman and the pictures were pre transition..
Look I'm pretty accepting but I feel incredibly creeped out right now. The fact that his trans isnt the issue but the fact that he had me to believe he was a girl in his 20s..His also 10 years older not that it matters. I mean I guess some of the pictures were accurate technically as they were the person pre transition.
But this is messed up, I'm really upset . he explains that his trans I'm still frozen and he invite me in.
I Apologise (why I'm apologising I don't know) and say I'm not feeling this. I apologised multiple times.. And I leave.
Side note the elevator was stuck too so it made the whole situation way more awkward than it was.

So I'm just sitting right now in a park feeling quite vulnerable and I'm not okay
Its wierd nothing happened but I still feel. Awful.
The fact the person is trans isn't the issue it's I got catfished by a dude and he still had expectations of a hook up.
I just feel really wierd, sorry I'm rambling but I needed to tell GAF and you always are there for the community.

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

I've got quite a few large tattoos (chest piece, 3 large pieces on my arm) and I have no problem getting matches on Tinder. Before I got Tinder my friend told me lots of girls like guys with beards and tattoos on Tinder and that I'd be fine lol.

Yeah I've got quite a big beard with an undercut hair cut (think Josh Mario John but nowhere near as attractive) and it does help. I always find most girls that are also tattooed or "alternative" ending up matching with me.

 

[Messofanego]

I got catfished and feel incredibly vulnerable.
just kinda wanted to talk about a very uncomfortable experience I just had and see if Sunday nyone had any advice to make me feel a bit better.

So I have been using tinder, pof ect for hook ups for some moderate success and things have been looking good. So few days ago I matched up with this cute Asian girl and we start talking/flirting and she wants me to come over Sunday . She also sent me some Lewds so that's promising.
I've done this quite a few times never had that much of a problem
So far so good.

So I go to her apartment in central its in a pretty nice area and all looks good and then the door opens and this middle aged guy opens up the door wearing sunglasses and a very loose robe.
This point I'm kinda a bit worried and I ask for the persons name and the guy goes that's me.
I have this horrible habit of freezing in situations like this. So I'm frozen at the spot and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

Turns out the person is a transman and the pictures were pre transition..
Look I'm pretty accepting but I feel incredibly creeped out right now. The fact that his trans isnt the issue but the fact that he had me to believe he was a girl in his 20s..His also 10 years older not that it matters. I mean I guess some of the pictures were accurate technically as they were the person pre transition.
But this is messed up, I'm really upset . he explains that his trans I'm still frozen and he invite me in.
I Apologise (why I'm apologising I don't know) and say I'm not feeling this. I apologised multiple times.. And I leave.
Side note the elevator was stuck too so it made the whole situation way more awkward than it was.

So I'm just sitting right now in a park feeling quite vulnerable and I'm not okay
Its wierd nothing happened but I still feel. Awful.
The fact the person is trans isn't the issue it's I got catfished by a dude and he still had expectations of a hook up.
I just feel really wierd, sorry I'm rambling but I needed to tell GAF and you always are there for the community.

Sucks that you were deceived. This is why you always meet up in a public place so if you get catfished, you have no issue just leaving and not having to feel uncomfortable physically.

 

[Reave]

I got catfished and feel incredibly vulnerable.
just kinda wanted to talk about a very uncomfortable experience I just had and see if Sunday nyone had any advice to make me feel a bit better.

So I have been using tinder, pof ect for hook ups for some moderate success and things have been looking good. So few days ago I matched up with this cute Asian girl and we start talking/flirting and she wants me to come over Sunday . She also sent me some Lewds so that's promising.
I've done this quite a few times never had that much of a problem
So far so good.

So I go to her apartment in central its in a pretty nice area and all looks good and then the door opens and this middle aged guy opens up the door wearing sunglasses and a very loose robe.
This point I'm kinda a bit worried and I ask for the persons name and the guy goes that's me.
I have this horrible habit of freezing in situations like this. So I'm frozen at the spot and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

Turns out the person is a transman and the pictures were pre transition..
Look I'm pretty accepting but I feel incredibly creeped out right now. The fact that his trans isnt the issue but the fact that he had me to believe he was a girl in his 20s..His also 10 years older not that it matters. I mean I guess some of the pictures were accurate technically as they were the person pre transition.
But this is messed up, I'm really upset . he explains that his trans I'm still frozen and he invite me in.
I Apologise (why I'm apologising I don't know) and say I'm not feeling this. I apologised multiple times.. And I leave.
Side note the elevator was stuck too so it made the whole situation way more awkward than it was.

So I'm just sitting right now in a park feeling quite vulnerable and I'm not okay
Its wierd nothing happened but I still feel. Awful.
The fact the person is trans isn't the issue it's I got catfished by a dude and he still had expectations of a hook up.
I just feel really wierd, sorry I'm rambling but I needed to tell GAF and you always are there for the community.

Well, I certainly can't blame you for feeling weirded out. What happened to you was awful, plain and simple. Like you said, it's not the fact that it was a transsexual, but because you were deceived and stuck in an uncomfortable situation like that.

Sadly, there's just no filter to weed out liars. If there was, I think we could all agree that online dating would be a breeze in more ways than one. So, that's why I don't think you should feel too weird about it. Although your situation was definitely an extreme, a lot of us have dealt with incredibly deceitful people through online dating in some form or fashion. Some people in this world, regardless of gender or orientation, are just warped -- thinking that they can mislead people, then unveil the truth and still get what they want. It's a sick form of entitlement.

When I used to use Tinder, there were about 4-5 dates that I had with women who had posted old and outdated pictures of themselves, but looked shockingly different in real life. In fact, there was one girl that I was supposed to meet at Starbucks, and I literally had no idea that she was sitting 10 feet away from me reading a book while waiting for me to arrive because she was at least 50lbs heavier and had a different hair color than her photos indicated. So, I actually thought she stood me up and left. It wasn't until I texted her about standing me up that she replied back saying she was the girl reading the book, and took a picture of herself to show me how she looked.

I gently asked how recent her profile pictures were (to subtly imply that she didn't look like her pictures), and she proceeded to call me to leave eight voice messages to berate me -- calling me shallow, a weight-shamer, and other awful things. She sounded psychotic, and it creeped me out. In the end, I just blocked her number because I don't dignify that kind of shit, but it proved that some people want to sell people on a lie and back them into a corner to get their way. It wasn't about her weight at all. It was about the manipulation.

I kept at online dating and eventually found my current girlfriend, so I wouldn't say that online dating should be avoided like the plague after what happened to you. If anything, the worst is over, and it'll just get better from here.

 

[dcelw540]

Just got ghosted, I don't get it. I started talking to this girl on tinder for over a day, she added me on all social media and talked till really late in the morning I wake up and wham! Deleted me off everything. I don't get it, if you don't enjoy talking or if there is any issues i'd rather be told up front instead of now where I'm wondering what I did wrong