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[cordy]

I've read it all and I gotta say that I don't think he needs to. What he's saying is solid. We've been down this road many times in dating age. Your story isn't unique, except for the fact that it's ten years lol. Usually people start to realize they dun goofed by year 3 of talking every day and never meeting.

Like I said, it's your opinion and you're free to have it.

It's all good lol.

What Vern said. I mean, what is your end goal for the relationship? Some dirty talk or cybering? Because you basically talk every day and all that, so what would be different. The problem is that she doesn't seem to want anything more, and I have a feeling that you do.

But the real issue is of overinvestment. You are UNBELIEVABLY invested in this woman, and the super long post full of unimportant details (that you probably swear are all crucial) is a telltale sign. As Vern said, it's happened in these threads numerous times.

Eh, I didn't even want to head down this road but we've talked sexually plenty of times in the past. We know all about each other in those regards. She knows my past with exs, the works. Vice-versa. I'm not going to talk about this part more but the dirty talk and cybering stuff, before the relationship we've been ok with that. Of course when she got into a relationship that talk ended. An end goal for this if it worked out would be a real-life relationship. We plan on meeting early next year due to money constraints these past years but now with our new corporate jobs we're all good. If all works out career-wise then next year I'll be able to quit this job and follow my dream full-time given the hustling I've done this past year.

And man like I keep saying, it's all good for you all to have your own opinion on it. That's why I posted here, to read opinions. I left a good amount out but I did leave the gist of it so opinions are interesting to read what I was said. I'm not hurt by any of these opinions, that's why I brought it to light lol. Anyone's POV is great to me.

 

[ZackieChan]

Alrighty then. Best of luck to you.

 

[cordy]

Thank you and I really appreciate all these opinions. You guys really came with the quickness too. I also apologize for leaving a lot of details out even now I'm leaving a lot out. I accidentally made it seem as though I've liked her since the beginning and was talking to her a lot and waiting for 10 years before I said anything which isn't what happened. We were standard online friends for the first 5 years through a forum, added each other on MSN/Skype and talked every once in a while. After the 6th (and after my numerous relationships that didn't work out IRL and after I cut some bad friends in my life) we got closer and it gradually built up to us talking for hours daily. I started liking her once I got to know her. Then you can fast-forward it to today. That's not important regardless though, what matters is the here and now.

Either way GAF came through and I'm taking these comments to heart. I really feel a lot better after getting this out. Thanks for the help I appreciate it. I'll let yall know any updates I have.

 

[vern]

As ZC said good luck to you. But one more word of advice... you shouldn't talking to anyone 5 hours per day. Not even your wife. 1 hour is already too much. Different strokes and all that but it's madness what you've been doing with regards to your chatting.

How do you have any time to do the "hustling" you mentioned when you are talking for hours on end?

Also you never answered, do you or her "bf" send her gifts?

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

This would make a great Catfish episode.

 

[vern]

This would make a great Catfish episode.

Nah they've had cybersex. Shits real.

 

[FLAguy954]

Oh hell no. All of it.



Just moved here? Unemployed? I wouldn't say that it's a requirement that you disclose that prior to a date. Maybe the kid, but even then, meh. You didn't marry her, you went on a fucking first date for drinks. Mellow out a bit.

Bro, I am mellow about it.

Those are red flags for me, especially since we linked up on POF and her profile mentioned none of these things.

 

[Scotch]

I'm just so confused with it all.

Aren't we all. I'm part astonished, part fascinated. Not just about her, mind you, but the both of you. So many questions.

First off, she doesn't have a relationship as far as I'm concerned. Call me old fashioned, but a relationship involves physical contact. How does contact with her "boyfriend" differentiate from you? Do they cyber or something?

How do you communicate with her? Video, voicechat or text chat? (You DO know what she looks like, right? I'd assume so but this whole thing is so weird to me.)

Were your past relationship with real people or on the internet as well? Why didn't they work out?

And look, Vern is right. You shouldn't be talking to anyone for 5 fucking hours a day, let alone some girl on the other side of the country that doesn't want to date you. You could have invested that time in talking and dating with people irl, your work, a hobby, your fitness, anything, and you would've been so much happier and better for it. You say you've had trouble with relationships, but it helps a lot when you work on yourself, when you build some experience, when you live an interesting life. Talking for 5 hours to this girl is stopping you from doing that.

 

[cordy]

As ZC said good luck to you. But one more word of advice... you shouldn't talking to anyone 5 hours per day. Not even your wife. 1 hour is already too much. Different strokes and all that but it's madness what you've been doing with regards to your chatting.

How do you have any time to do the "hustling" you mentioned when you are talking for hours on end?

Also you never answered, do you or her "bf" send her gifts?

Yeah...that I'm not agreeing with. My parents talk for hours daily and they're still together, her parents are the same, grandparents the same, married friends of mine the same, the "talking for 5hrs a day" thing is pretty common here with most people who are married and still together but before that they worked their way up to talking to lot. As for the hustling thing, I work for a pharmaceutical drug wholesaler who sells to hospitals and pharmacies and I work from home. I can get OT if needed and It's pretty easy to open up Skype and speak. Beyond that, for odd jobs I can work at my apartment complex part-time working the office. I also have my phone if I'm bored.

And as for the gifts thing, actually I have answered that on the last page. Yes I buy her gifts at times (Christmas and birthdays) and she does the same for me. There was even a point where I needed 500 dollars to go on a major trip and she gave me the money for it surprisingly because she believed in my dreams. Even when she had loans she provided the money. Of course I paid her back since she's got her own money issues (even though she told me to not pay her back), it was the fact she did it in general which was interesting. I'm not sure if her boyfriend sends her gifts these days, I know he's done it in the past though so I'm assuming it still happens.

Aren't we all. I'm part astonished, part fascinated. Not just about her, mind you, but the both of you. So many questions.

First off, she doesn't have a relationship as far as I'm concerned. Call me old fashioned, but a relationship involves physical contact. How does contact with her "boyfriend" differentiate from you? Do they cyber or something?

How do you communicate with her? Video, voicechat or text chat? (You DO know what she looks like, right? I'd assume so but this whole thing is so weird to me.)

It's pretty similar except I and her talk more than she talks to him. Of course the content's different given he's her boyfriend but the way we talk (Skype) is the same. We talk through text chat, voice chat and yes video calls. I know how she looks and I've known how she looks for the past 10 years and it's understandable to ask questions it's cool. Same for her and me.

Were your past relationship with real people or on the internet as well? Why didn't they work out?

Both. Some online, some in person. The ones online didn't work because the girls liked another/didn't have feelings for me anymore/cheated and the ones in person didn't work because we stopped having feelings for each other.

And look, Vern is right. You shouldn't be talking to anyone for 5 fucking hours a day, let alone some girl on the other side of the country that doesn't want to date you. You could have invested that time in talking and dating with people irl, your work, a hobby, your fitness, anything, and you would've been so much happier and better for it. You say you've had trouble with relationships, but it helps a lot when you work on yourself, when you build some experience, when you live an interesting life. Talking for 5 hours to this girl is stopping you from doing that.

Yeah, this is something I'm not understanding and I can't rock with because it's the first time I've heard of such thing. While I do understand that if I spent the 5 hours elsewhere I could get more accomplished (such as doing other things) my life's pretty filled right now. I've got a full-time job, work on music on the side, actively workout, play games and a lot of the time the 5 hours isn't strictly talking to her and doing nothing else. Usually the 5 hours is me talking to her and either playing a game, listening to music, sometimes working out, just mult-tasking really. Of course there's times where I'm just talking to her but I'm also searching online on random sites since I'm a big multi-tasking.

The "can't talk to someone for 5 hours a day" thing is something that I've honestly never heard until now because where I'm at (the South in the US, she's West Coast) man, I see people do it all the time and they're still together. It's interesting hearing people say you shouldn't do it. I still remember me and my homies playing games for 5 hours straight talking and chilling.

And thanks I appreciate both responses, really.

 

[gwailo]

There's a huge difference between hanging out with friends and talking with someone for 5 hours online every. Single. Fucking. Day.

You need to have contact with people in real life. Get off of the computer and stop wasting your life with this person.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Been talking to this girl for a month, I've seen her everyday, but she's not really over her ex. She's said she's left dude in the past for about a month before she ends up back with him. She says she regretted leaving to go back to him, and wants this time to be different. They lived together for over a year, and what's different this time is she actually moved out. Said she never planned on doing that, but she liked me enough to take that chance. They took their good old time moving out, maybe 8 times going to the apartment to get things together, and she said nothing happens but just talk and cry about how it's over. Now yesterday, she went out bowling with him. She told me it wasn't a date, and that I don't have to worry, that she's not going anywhere. After I heard that, I told her that I was done, that I couldn't handle her ex constantly prowling, and in her phone everyday trying to sweet talk her back. Just to have her leave him in a few months. I can't handle the stress, I'm not going to get feelings for someone that I know has a big chance of leaving at any moment.

So, after I sent that, she said "Wow, this is absolutely crazy. I was about to tell you that when I was with him all I could think about was you." "I gotta say, I'm broken. Just when I made my decision, that it was you."

A few messages back and forth and I'm at square one, with the ex around, and me still tolerating it. They were together three years, and it's hard to compete with that history, especially when he's telling her things like "I was about to marry you, give you a house, and kids. All you had to do was wait a little longer."

She said he told her that he can tell that she's falling for me, and is fading from him. When they were bowling.

Idk what tf to do. I know I have about a 50/50 chance of getting fucked over so fuckin hard, but I like this girl way too much to let her go back to him. Considering she told me she's left him 10+ times, tried killing herself, and he laid hands on her. I don't want that for her.

Help me lol

 

[Scotch]

Yeah, this is something I'm not understanding and I can't rock with because it's the first time I've heard of such thing. While I do understand that if I spent the 5 hours elsewhere I could get more accomplished (such as doing other things) my life's pretty filled right now. I've got a full-time job, work on music on the side, actively workout, play games and a lot of the time the 5 hours isn't strictly talking to her and doing nothing else. Usually the 5 hours is me talking to her and either playing a game, listening to music, sometimes working out, just mult-tasking really. Of course there's times where I'm just talking to her but I'm also searching online on random sites since I'm a big multi-tasking.

The "can't talk to someone for 5 hours a day" thing is something that I've honestly never heard until now because where I'm at (the South in the US, she's West Coast) man, I see people do it all the time and they're still together. It's interesting hearing people say you shouldn't do it. I still remember me and my homies playing games for 5 hours straight talking and chilling.

When you put it like that it doesn't sound so bad. Of course you can talk for hours with your friends. But it's not healthy to do that with someone you're romantically interested in, when those feelings are not reciprocated / she has a boyfriend. And especially not everyday.

Been talking to this girl for a month, I've seen her everyday, but she's not really over her ex. She's said she's left dude in the past for about a month before she ends up back with him. She says she regretted leaving to go back to him, and wants this time to be different. They lived together for over a year, and what's different this time is she actually moved out. Said she never planned on doing that, but she liked me enough to take that chance. They took their good old time moving out, maybe 8 times going to the apartment to get things together, and she said nothing happens but just talk and cry about how it's over. Now yesterday, she went out bowling with him. She told me it wasn't a date, and that I don't have to worry, that she's not going anywhere. After I heard that, I told her that I was done, that I couldn't handle her ex constantly prowling, and in her phone everyday trying to sweet talk her back. Just to have her leave him in a few months. I can't handle the stress, I'm not going to get feelings for someone that I know has a big chance of leaving at any moment.

So, after I sent that, she said "Wow, this is absolutely crazy. I was about to tell you that when I was with him all I could think about was you." "I gotta say, I'm broken. Just when I made my decision, that it was you."

A few messages back and forth and I'm at square one, with the ex around, and me still tolerating it. They were together three years, and it's hard to compete with that history, especially when he's telling her things like "I was about to marry you, give you a house, and kids. All you had to do was wait a little longer."

She said he told her that he can tell that she's falling for me, and is fading from him. When they were bowling.

Idk what tf to do. I know I have about a 50/50 chance of getting fucked over so fuckin hard, but I like this girl way too much to let her go back to him. Considering she told me she's left him 10+ times, tried killing herself, and he laid hands on her. I don't want that for her.

Help me lol

I'd say your chances of getting fucked over are way higher than 50/50. Don't try to save her.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'd say your chances of getting fucked over are way higher than 50/50. Don't try to save her.

I said that, but it's more that I want to steal her than save her. I could honestly imagine a future with her if this works out. She's basically perfect for me, besides that she listens to country (No she's not a trump supporter lmao). Never clicked with someone like her before.

Also, I kinda want to be able to sing Trey Songz "It's mr steal your girl" and be for real about it. lol

 

[gwailo]

She is intentionally creating drama. There's a good chance the boyfriend will want to kick your ass, if he doesn't already. Delete contact and move on. The girl is being manipulated/abused and TBH you are not equipped to handle that situation especially if you are of the mindset of "stealing" her. You're only feeding into the fucked up overly dramatic shit of her life. Even if you did "win" her away, chances are she would still crave the drama and create a bunch of BS to make it happen.

 

[Ray Wonder]

She is intentionally creating drama. There's a good chance the boyfriend will want to kick your ass, if he doesn't already. Delete contact and move on. The girl is being manipulated/abused and TBH you are not equipped to handle that situation especially if you are of the mindset of "stealing" her. You're only feeding into the fucked up overly dramatic shit of her life. Even if you did "win" her away, chances are she would still crave the drama and create a bunch of BS to make it happen.

I met him at the bar already (Not really meet him, just was in the same room <5 ft away from him at some points for a long period of time), we were out with a big group her friends and since they have a lot of mutual friends he showed up too. It was someone's birthday. He was chill. Even though we didn't talk.

 

[Ray Wonder]

And tbh I've been in my fair share of tuffles and I'm not worried about him. I got like 40 lbs on him too, he's not v big.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I said that, but it's more that I want to steal her than save her. I could honestly imagine a future with her if this works out. She's basically perfect for me, besides that she listens to country (No she's not a trump supporter lmao). Never clicked with someone like her before.

Also, I kinda want to be able to sing Trey Songz "It's mr steal your girl" and be for real about it. lol

Lol. This whole thing reads like an infinite loop of Ls. You fucking serious? "I wanna steal her not save her?". Son, it's the same fucking thing to anyone with eyes.

There is no advice here for you man. No one here is gonna try and give you advice on how to woo a manipulative clown. You can peace out because this drama is some bullshit which is never ever going away or you can swim in a pool of Ls about how "she's the one"

Between this and cordy I truly wonder if yall can't step back, read what you're actually typing and be like "woah, this is fucking stupid. I need out"

 

[Ray Wonder]

Lol. This whole thing reads like an infinite loop of Ls. You fucking serious? "I wanna steal her not save her?". Son, it's the same fucking thing to anyone with eyes.

There is no advice here for you man. No one here is gonna try and give you advice on how to woo a manipulative clown. You can peace out because this drama is some bullshit which is never ever going away or you can swim in a pool of Ls about how "she's the one"

Between this and cordy I truly wonder if yall can't step back, read what you're actually typing and be like "woah, this is fucking stupid. I need out"

Thanks for your opinion! It was helpful, and very constructive.

I think the biggest part that keeps me around is that I got her to move out, completely, from her apartment with him. Place is empty, and landlord ended the lease. They can't go back.

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

Dude, don't literally fight for a girl.

Surely the fact you have to "steal" her is enough for you to realise she doesn't want to be with you?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Thanks for your opinion! It was helpful, and very constructive.

I'm serious. How can you read this and not understand how ridiculous it is? Do you genuinely think this ex bf drama is going to end? Do you genuinely think you can save someone who doesn't wanna be saved?

And man she can get another place with him. The fact you have had to force her to move out. You think that's good? She shoulda wanted to do that from theb ump without you pushing for it.

Ultimatums are generally bad but like there is nothing wrong with "as long as you live with and talk to your ex I'm out indefinitely"

 

[Jokab]

Thanks for your opinion! It was helpful, and very constructive.

I think the biggest part that keeps me around is that I got her to move out, completely, from her apartment with him. Place is empty, and landlord ended the lease. They can't go back.

Gotdaymoney's advice is harsh but on point. Get out of this right now, it's not healthy.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Dude, don't literally fight for a girl.

Surely the fact you have to "steal" her is enough for you to realise she doesn't want to be with you?

I mean, she sleeps in my bed every night, not his. She left their apartment they had together. We've already taken trips out of state together.

I'm just trying to give some more context, if you still think that way, that's fine.

Ya'll are probably right. Like I said, I did send the "I'm done" text before. I'll have to stick with my instincts.

 

[vypek]

Ray Wonder, she is doing the same thing with you that the ex does with her. Claims things are just about to get better or that you are the one she chooses as soon as something goes awry and the person being manipulated starts pulling away. If she was serious about getting this guy out of her life then she would cut contact. She left him over 10 times but kept going back? That isn't a relationship that will easily (or at all) go from romantic/manipulative to platonic.

You expressed how you felt and she still hangs out with him after she manipulated you into coming back. Analogous with how she leaves and he baits her back each time. No one is winning in this situation. Only thing I can think to see working is you asking her to cut ties with her ex for good or you are 100% done and actually mean it/follow through.


EDIT: Ah, you already replied above now to people who are giving advice to you as well. I'm too late lol

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'm serious. How can you read this and not understand how ridiculous it is? Do you genuinely think this ex bf drama is going to end? Do you genuinely think you can save someone who doesn't wanna be saved?

And man she can get another place with him. The fact you have had to force her to move out. You think that's good? She shoulda wanted to do that from theb ump without you pushing for it.

Ultimatums are generally bad but like there is nothing wrong with "as long as you live with and talk to your ex I'm out indefinitely"

I didn't force her, she told me she left the apartment because of me. She doesn't live with him. The talk to your ex thing is what I said last night. If she doesn't stop, you're right. I can't deal with it, I'll let her go.

 

[Salamando]

Idk what tf to do. I know I have about a 50/50 chance of getting fucked over so fuckin hard, but I like this girl way too much to let her go back to him. Considering she told me she's left him 10+ times, tried killing herself, and he laid hands on her. I don't want that for her.

Whoa now, she either attempted suicide or threatened suicide to get out of a relationship? And she still hasn't cut that guy out of her life, when she already has the out?

That and that alone is troublesome. Girl needs a therapist, not a gentleman caller.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Whoa now, she either attempted suicide or threatened suicide to get out of a relationship? And she still hasn't cut that guy out of her life, when she already has the out?

That and that alone is troublesome. Girl needs a therapist, not a gentleman caller.

She said she took a handful of pills that she didn't know what they were. And said she tried to drown herself. I already told her she needs to see a therapist because that's not normal.

 

[gwailo]

Those sound like BS "attempts" - like not even cry for help stuff, more like pay attention to me crap. Again, more drama and it will never end for these types of people. She probably loves having two guys throwing themselves over her

 

[Salamando]

Those sound like BS "attempts" - like not even cry for help stuff, more like pay attention to me crap. She probably loves having two guys throwing themselves over her.

Let's not go there. Suicide attempts of any kind are serious enough to merit therapy. Without it, she shouldn't be dating anyone.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Those sound like BS "attempts" - like not even cry for help stuff, more like pay attention to me crap. She probably loves having two guys throwing themselves over her.

Yeah, I agree with both of those points, and I would love to have two girls throwing themselves at me like this.

And the above post ^^ even though I think it's a cry for attention, I still recommend therapy.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I didn't force her, she told me she left the apartment because of me. She doesn't live with him. The talk to your ex thing is what I said last night. If she doesn't stop, you're right. I can't deal with it, I'll let her go.

Ah okay. You said in a previous post you got her to leave so it sounred like she was pressured into it. Granted the fact it took 8 trips to move out implies she really didnt enjoy it.

Whoa now, she either attempted suicide or threatened suicide to get out of a relationship? And she still hasn't cut that guy out of her life, when she already has the out?

That and that alone is troublesome. Girl needs a therapist, not a gentleman caller.

I dunno how I missed this. This is seriously not aight.

She said she took a handful of pills that she didn't know what they were. And said she tried to drown herself. I already told her she needs to see a therapist because that's not normal.

Is this behaviour genuinely what you wantto expose yourself too? That is not a healthy base to try amd start a relationship from. Forget my other comments, this is top concern. This whole situation can go nowhere positive until all this stuff is worked out. Hell. Even if its all worked out that is questionable.

 

[Lulubop]

Man, what's going on in here?

 

[Mr Solo Dolo]

She needs help.

Say you do get into a relationship with her but things turn sour and you end things. Knowing how she is, and what she's done in the past, do you really want that drama.

 

[LordKasual]

Been talking to this girl for a month, I've seen her everyday, but she's not really over her ex----

GG. There's no happy ending to this for you.

This is the type of situation where the best case scenario is that she leaves her abusive Ex, you guys start dating and its awesome, and then a month or three later, wild Ex appears and suddenly they're having sex. And neither you or her will be able to articulate how or why.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'm not going to stop talking to her because she has some problems. I have problems too. If she needed help with that I'd help her. I'd leave for other reasons, but not that.

 

[Holyoneturtle]

Well guys I had a date with a girl that i really liked. I met her online and we have been talking for 2 weeks (3 weeks if you count our online messages) and i finally got to meet her on Saturday. Now although sparks did not fly I had a good enough time that i could have a 2nd date with her. Unfortunately she must not have felt the same way because she ghosted me. If there is one thing I hate when it comes to dating is being ghosted.

Sunday is when my worries started to grow when she had not texted me by 5 pm (she usually starts texting me in the morning) I just passed it off as her being busy. But deep down inside I knew something wasn't right. I sent her text and told her to call me when she had a chance, calling has been our main form of communication as of Friday before last. She didn't call me or text me on Sunday.

Yesterday I was mopey because I seriously thought it was going to go somewhere with this girl. I was talking to other girls i met online but I stopped talking to them on Thursday because i really thought this was a sure thing. I also was trying to think what I did wrong. I sent one last text to see if she would respond even though in my heart I already knew the truth. By the end of the day there was no response.

As of today I'm over it. I'm happy that I was able to get over it quickly considering that in my old days I probably would have moped around for like a month. Rejection was one of the things that scared me from asking girls out on a date but I think I'm finally being able to handle it. But I think this would have been easier if she didn't ghost me. On the bright side I have another date on Saturday and I'm looking forward to it. I don't have that strong connection that i did with the other girl but we have a lot in common so far. I'm not really asking for anything, I just wanted to speak my mind about this.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'm not going to stop talking to her because she has some problems.

That's all you took from this eh?

"Dating age, yall so shallow, you don't ditch people cause they got 'some problems', that's terrible"

Here is a genuine piece of advice. People that try to commit suicide because of an ex but also still desparately cling to that person dontal make good partners. You can and should ditch someone who has zero desire to tacklr their issues but want to drag you into them.

We dont think you should stop talking to her because she has issues. We think you should stop trying to date her because those issues are not going away but you insist you can save her from them.

What do you want us to say?

"You're good bruh, shit will figure itself out. Be patient"

Okay. There ya go.

 

[Barzul]

Been talking to this girl for a month, I've seen her everyday, but she's not really over her ex. She's said she's left dude in the past for about a month before she ends up back with him. She says she regretted leaving to go back to him, and wants this time to be different. They lived together for over a year, and what's different this time is she actually moved out. Said she never planned on doing that, but she liked me enough to take that chance. They took their good old time moving out, maybe 8 times going to the apartment to get things together, and she said nothing happens but just talk and cry about how it's over. Now yesterday, she went out bowling with him. She told me it wasn't a date, and that I don't have to worry, that she's not going anywhere. After I heard that, I told her that I was done, that I couldn't handle her ex constantly prowling, and in her phone everyday trying to sweet talk her back. Just to have her leave him in a few months. I can't handle the stress, I'm not going to get feelings for someone that I know has a big chance of leaving at any moment.

So, after I sent that, she said "Wow, this is absolutely crazy. I was about to tell you that when I was with him all I could think about was you." "I gotta say, I'm broken. Just when I made my decision, that it was you."

A few messages back and forth and I'm at square one, with the ex around, and me still tolerating it. They were together three years, and it's hard to compete with that history, especially when he's telling her things like "I was about to marry you, give you a house, and kids. All you had to do was wait a little longer."

She said he told her that he can tell that she's falling for me, and is fading from him. When they were bowling.

Idk what tf to do. I know I have about a 50/50 chance of getting fucked over so fuckin hard, but I like this girl way too much to let her go back to him. Considering she told me she's left him 10+ times, tried killing herself, and he laid hands on her. I don't want that for her.

Help me lol

Honestly man I'll bail, very good chance at the minimum she'd end up cheating on you with him if not leaving altogether. She needs to learn to be single before jumping in with you. Sever ties now while you don't have as great an investment in that relationship. She sees you as a what she could have, but she still wishes her ex could become what you currently represent for her. Fam trust me you don't need that...you'll find yourself second and triple guessing her words and actions continuously. It's not healthy.

 

[Ray Wonder]

That's all you took from this eh?

"Dating age, yall so shallow, you don't ditch people cause they got 'some problems', that's terrible"

Here is a genuine piece of advice. People that try to commit suicide because of an ex but also still desparately cling to that person dontal make good partners. You can and should ditch someone who has zero desire to tacklr their issues but want to drag you into them.

We dont think you should stop talking to her because she has issues. We think you should stop trying to date her because those issues are not going away but you insist you can save her from them.

What do you want us to say?

"You're good bruh, shit will figure itself out. Be patient"

Okay. There ya go.

I mean, I'm taking your other advice in, and considering it. I disagree with that part of it.

It always seems like you don't like me, specifically, and always want to be snarky and shitty when you're trying to tell me how insanely wrong I always am.

Honestly man I'll bail, very good chance at the minimum she'd end up cheating on you with him if not leaving altogether. She needs to learn to be single before jumping in with you. Sever ties now while you don't have as great an investment in that relationship. She sees you as a what she could have, but she still wishes her ex could become what you currently represent for her. Fam trust me you don't need that...you'll find yourself second and triple guessing her words and actions continuously. It's not healthy.

This is good advice, thanks. And, I honestly feel this way too.

 

[gaiages]

Christ, what the fuck is going on in here

Cordy, whatever the hell this "relationship" you have with this random Internet woman is not healthy. You say talking for five hours a day is normal, but the only examples you bring up are married people. Are you two married? No. I have plenty of people I talk to online, but never for more than like an hour total for all of them (most of that is work downtime) and if I can't talk for a period of time they aren't going to throw a goddamn fit. Why? Because we're all adults. I won't even get into the rest of it.

Ray, I already know you don't listen to us so all I'll say is that I hope you don't end up dead in a ditch or something. The shit you're doing is fucking crazy.

 

[vern]

Yeah...that I'm not agreeing with. My parents talk for hours daily and they're still together, her parents are the same, grandparents the same, married friends of mine the same, the "talking for 5hrs a day" thing is pretty common here with most people who are married and still together but before that they worked their way up to talking to lot. As for the hustling thing, I work for a pharmaceutical drug wholesaler who sells to hospitals and pharmacies and I work from home. I can get OT if needed and It's pretty easy to open up Skype and speak. Beyond that, for odd jobs I can work at my apartment complex part-time working the office. I also have my phone if I'm bored.

And as for the gifts thing, actually I have answered that on the last page. Yes I buy her gifts at times (Christmas and birthdays) and she does the same for me. There was even a point where I needed 500 dollars to go on a major trip and she gave me the money for it surprisingly because she believed in my dreams. Even when she had loans she provided the money. Of course I paid her back since she's got her own money issues (even though she told me to not pay her back), it was the fact she did it in general which was interesting. I'm not sure if her boyfriend sends her gifts these days, I know he's done it in the past though so I'm assuming it still happens.

It's pretty similar except I and her talk more than she talks to him. Of course the content's different given he's her boyfriend but the way we talk (Skype) is the same. We talk through text chat, voice chat and yes video calls. I know how she looks and I've known how she looks for the past 10 years and it's understandable to ask questions it's cool. Same for her and me.

Both. Some online, some in person. The ones online didn't work because the girls liked another/didn't have feelings for me anymore/cheated and the ones in person didn't work because we stopped having feelings for each other.


Yeah, this is something I'm not understanding and I can't rock with because it's the first time I've heard of such thing. While I do understand that if I spent the 5 hours elsewhere I could get more accomplished (such as doing other things) my life's pretty filled right now. I've got a full-time job, work on music on the side, actively workout, play games and a lot of the time the 5 hours isn't strictly talking to her and doing nothing else. Usually the 5 hours is me talking to her and either playing a game, listening to music, sometimes working out, just mult-tasking really. Of course there's times where I'm just talking to her but I'm also searching online on random sites since I'm a big multi-tasking.

The "can't talk to someone for 5 hours a day" thing is something that I've honestly never heard until now because where I'm at (the South in the US, she's West Coast) man, I see people do it all the time and they're still together. It's interesting hearing people say you shouldn't do it. I still remember me and my homies playing games for 5 hours straight talking and chilling.

And thanks I appreciate both responses, really.

I see you've changed talking 5hours per day to basically "hanging out with skype open" while you do other stuff.

Of course in a relationship (a real relationship) people hang out with each other and talk, that's normal, though I don't think your parents, grandparents, etc. would answer that they talk for 5 hours per day if you asked them. Most people have lives, outside of their relationship even. They work, they have hobbies, they have friends, and yeah they also have each other. Hanging out is fine, even if it is virtual, though I still think 5 hours is a lot even for married people, but it's more normal than what you initially made it out to be. But I still think your relationship with her is pretty wacky. Can't imagine being friends for 10 years and liking someone for 5 and never taking a plane out to see her. Seems fishy still... even with all your explanations. Good luck to you dude.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I mean, I'm taking your other advice in, and considering it. I disagree with that part of it.

It always seems like you don't like me, specifically, and always want to be snarky and shitty when you're trying to tell me how insanely wrong I always am.



This is good advice, thanks. And, I honestly feel this way too.

Dude, you're being ridiculous. Every time someone disagrees with you you act like it's some personal beef that someone is out to get you. You did the same nonsense with me, get over it.

Also, you know the answer to your problem you just don't want to do it. And stop trying to equate your decisions to corny ass rap songs...

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I mean, I'm taking your other advice in, and considering it. I disagree with that part of it.

It always seems like you don't like me, specifically, and always want to be snarky and shitty when you're trying to tell me how insanely wrong I always am.
.

I can't remember any conversations we have had honestly.

But the snark is not some unique thing. I give it straight to everyone. I am not nice, I aint pretending to be.

There ia one thing that sucks to see and its people subjecting themselves to torture like this. Life is so short. Why on earth do people want to be treated like this voluntarily?

If you feel I have something against you personally that's fine. I don't (way too much effort) but I aint entertaining a "gotdatmoneyy picks on me" convo either. I will note it and put you on the ignore list.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Dude, you're being ridiculous. Every time someone disagrees with you you act like it's some personal beef that someone is out to get you. You did the same nonsense with me, get over it.

Also, you know the answer to your problem you just don't want to do it. And stop trying to equate your decisions to corny ass rap songs...

I'm taking the advice in here. All that extra shit isn't necessary, I was being level headed and listening to you all.

And you do get like that though. And then when I respond with any sort of snark back at you or anyone I get so much shit in here.

Never fucking mind. I'll just stop.

I'm gonna call it off, just to let you all know. Thanks for validating my fears. This time I'll make the grown up decision.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Dude, you're being ridiculous. Every time someone disagrees with you you act like it's some personal beef that someone is out to get you.

Its totally possible I am super snarky amd shitty to him all the time. But I don't remember any actual convos we have had because besides like the 5-7 regulars I dont recognize anyone (except Jasons Ultimatim lololol)

But like its fine. I can be less snarky if its hurtimg feelings or w/e. If it's actually making people feel bad then w/e I can tone it down.

 

[Scotch]

I'm not going to stop talking to her because she has some problems. I have problems too. If she needed help with that I'd help her. I'd leave for other reasons, but not that.

What if she can't be helped, doesn't want to be helped, or won't help herself?

I say this as someone with an ex-girlfriend who was manipulative, suicidal, told me she was mistreated by her ex but still saw him on ocassion (and guess who she ran off to when I broke up with her?) You need to bail the fuck out.

 

[Llyranor]

Look guys, I understand that you think talking online with a girl for over 5 hrs a day for 5 yrs sounds bad on paper. And I understand that you consider the fact that I'm spending that much time with her even though we're not in a relationship (and I wish we were, even if I deny it, since I am posting about her in a dating thread) a red flag. But it's just your opinion, man.

 

[Messofanego]

Sorry, I'm still reeling from talking to ANYONE for 5 bloody hours. It's like the Lav Diaz of phone calls.

 

[artsi]

There's some heavy stuff here, but I just came to say that my first date in 3,5 years is tomorrow and I'm getting goosebumps. I hope all goes well.

 

[gaiages]

Its totally possible I am super snarky amd shitty to him all the time. But I don't remember any actual convos we have had because besides like the 5-7 regulars I dont recognize anyone (except Jasons Ultimatim lololol)

But like its fine. I can be less snarky if its hurtimg feelings or w/e. If it's actually making people feel bad then w/e I can tone it down.

People need tough love, you don't need to stop Ray isn't in here a lot, but when he is we all give him a hard time... Mainly because he gets in these insane situations and doesn't really listen to outside advice quickly. Likelihood is you weren't picking on him or whatever, you just do you

There's some heavy stuff here, but I just came to say that my first date in 3,5 years is tomorrow and I'm getting goosebumps. I hope all goes well.

Good luck!

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Been talking to this girl for a month, I've seen her everyday, but she's not really over her ex.

I think if she has these feelings for you, spends a bunch of time with you, and even sleeps in your bed all the time then you should have "won" her over already. Her ex should not still be in the picture. I think if you continue on with this girl, it'll bite you in the ass one day.