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[vern]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward.

Wait til a natural moment of interaction (talking about weekend plans, hobbies, general non work crap) and ask her if she wants to do something related to whatever you are talking about. If she passes then it's not a big deal.

If you straight up ask her to grab a beer after work when going over some TPS report then yea it could be weird and out of place, but if it's a normal human interaction then no one will feel awkward.

 

[Jokab]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward.

Wait til a natural moment of interaction (talking about weekend plans, hobbies, general non work crap) and ask her if she wants to do something related to whatever you are talking about. If she passes then it's not a big deal.

If you straight up ask her to grab a beer after work when going over some TPS report then yea it could be weird and out of place, but if it's a normal human interaction then no one will feel awkward.

Just asking to do something after work while the subject is up can be taken as a friendly invite though and not a date. Gotta be careful with that.

 

[vern]

Just asking to do something after work while the subject is up can be taken as a friendly invite though and not a date. Gotta be careful with that.

Yea for sure, in general you don't wanna br indirect about your desires, but this is a colleague and he's worried about things being awkward if he gets rejected. You gotta play it right... I think it's not too hard to show interest without being too overt, but maybe that's why I'm usually pretty successful with the ladies 😏 It does take some learning. If she agrees to go out with him he can make it more clear what he's after simply by setting up the time and place. 11 am at a bookstore on saturday morning has different implications than 7Pm at a bar on Saturday night.

My main point was it's only awkward if you are awkward and don't know how to interact with people. People ask other people to do stuff all the time, coworkers are no exception.

 

[chicko1983]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward.

Wait til a natural moment of interaction (talking about weekend plans, hobbies, general non work crap) and ask her if she wants to do something related to whatever you are talking about. If she passes then it's not a big deal.

If you straight up ask her to grab a beer after work when going over some TPS report then yea it could be weird and out of place, but if it's a normal human interaction then no one will feel awkward.

Yeah, I wouldn't feign asking her out just to go over some work.

We talk regulalry about non work stuff and there have been a few good moments when I'm sure she wants me to ask her out but my insecurities take over.

We have an interstate work trip lined up next week. A couple others are going as well, but I'm sure there will be a time when we are together and in an out of a work situation (at dinner or the hotel). I've now convinced myself I'm going to try my luck then.

Edit, come to think of it, last week she did ask me about the details of this trip (how long, whereabouts, what we are doing etc). I now think she was seeing if there would be down time where we could just hang out, like I was just wondering.

 

[ZackieChan]

Just asking to do something after work while the subject is up can be taken as a friendly invite though and not a date. Gotta be careful with that.

Vern only asks girls out when he's visibly aroused. It's obvious to her that he's asking her on a date.

 

[vern]

Vern only asks girls out when he's visibly aroused. It's obvious to her that he's asking her on a date.

🤔

 

[Exokell]

Yeah, I wouldn't feign asking her out just to go over some work.

We talk regulalry about non work stuff and there have been a few good moments when I'm sure she wants me to ask her out but my insecurities take over.

We have an interstate work trip lined up next week. A couple others are going as well, but I'm sure there will be a time when we are together and in an out of a work situation (at dinner or the hotel). I've now convinced myself I'm going to try my luck then.

Edit, come to think of it, last week she did ask me about the details of this trip (how long, whereabouts, what we are doing etc). I now think she was seeing if there would be down time where we could just hang out, like I was just wondering.

I think you're over thinking and over analyzing anything she says or does. Ask her number and pretend it's just some work related bullshit. Converse and give slight hints and shit. See what happens.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I think you're over thinking and over analyzing anything she says or does. Ask her number and pretend it's just some work related bullshit. Converse and give slight hints and shit. See what happens.

It's true. He should've fucked her halfway through new employee orientation.

I've been reading around about how to pick up women's signals better.

One of the statements which keeps coming up is "if you think she likes you, she most likely does". Do people here mostly agree with that?

The new girl at work seems to like me, I definitely like her, but I'm not sure if it's because we are working on a project together and she is just being friendly.

I was in a different office today and she asked me a pretty rudimentary work question via email which others around her could have answered. I said I'd go over it with her when I get back to the office if she wasn't in a rush. Her reply was that she just wanted to send an email before she forgot to ask me when I was back.

A work relationship with someone I work closely with, is younger (5 years), and new to the company? Yay or nay? I'm on the verge of asking her out for a drink, but if there's rejection, it could be awkward.

Since no one else is asking you this: what company? What are HR's policies? What's the culture like concerning dating? Do you work in the same department? Do you directly report to the same person? This could be more than awkward; it could actually impact you professionally.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Yall really need to stop shitting where you're eating. If you're actually in a position where you value you job professionally, why are you putting it in jeopardy over "maybe an office girl might like me"?

I'm pretty much gonna tell people to go for it in all situations except at work. Focus on your economic situation b. Work is what puts food on the fucking table, it's a lil more important than a date. Get your money man. Billions of women (men too for the girls that read thus thread) exist outside of the one place that happens to sustain you.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Everyone in my office is the same age as my parents so I don't have to worry about ever asking someone out at work.

 

[gaiages]

Yall really need to stop shitting where you're eating. If you're actually in a position where you value you job professionally, why are you putting it in jeopardy over "maybe an office girl might like me"?

I'm pretty much gonna tell people to go for it in all situations except at work. Focus on your economic situation b. Work is what puts food on the fucking table, it's a lil more important than a date. Get your money man. Billions of women (men too for the girls that read thus thread) exist outside of the one place that happens to sustain you.

For fucking real lol. My current job is career related and I barely want to make friends with anyone here for possible drama related reasons, let alone date anyone. Work "buddies" only for reference purposes, please.

Though I kind of understand why it happens a lot. You're around these people a third of the day five days out of seven a week. Other than potential housemates those are the people you see the most lol. Still, it's usually not the best idea.

 

[Llyranor]

The best thing is still having to see them everyday and having to act professional around them after they dump you




..... D:

 

[gwailo]

I just would feel smothered. Then you'd basically be around the other person all day every day. Sometimes work is a nice break from relationships.

And yeah, outside of retail and the service industry, dating at work is a terrible idea. I'm sure someone will pipe up "I met my SO at work" but for every one story like that there's 10 or more that end up awkward at best and HR being involved at worst.

 

[Astral]

What about dating someone from a class cohort you'll be with for the next one or two years? Is that shitting where you eat?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

For fucking real lol. My current job is career related and I barely want to make friends with anyone here for possible drama related reasons, let alone date anyone. Work "buddies" only for reference purposes, please.

Literally the same. Like I have no desire to be buddy buddy with my work.colleagues. We get along but I am good with leaving it there. Granted I am (fingers crossed, hearing back soon) possibly making a big caareer jump so I am way more cautious in general

Though I kind of understand why it happens a lot. You're around these people a third of the day five days out of seven a week. Other than potential housemates those are the people you see the most lol. Still, it's usually not the best idea.

Oh I get it. It's just a bad idea. My friend tried to do it and I was just like "I really wouldn't do it if I were you man. It doesn't end well" and he was like "Nah man it will be fine" . . . It wasn't fine. I know spending time with people builds relationships but it takes little to just view it as friendship and nothing more.

_________
@Astral

If your relationship with someone involves having to work closely together and requires cooperation I would consider it strongly before going through. But no one is paying you to be professional at school and no one outside of your immediate peer group really gives a shit if you and Nicky dated and hate each other now if they arent paying you. So as far as school is concerned if you canr keep it civil and not destroy networking abilities its w/e.

 

[ZackieChan]

I can't imagine working with someone all day and seeing them again at night. I need my space. Luckily I work for myself, by myself, so that's not an issue. I go to a virtual/co-working office rather than working from home, so even if we lived together it would avoid this problem. It may seem really great in the beginning, but it will wear you down eventually.

 

[Lucid07]

Is it bad to lie to a date/someone you're seeing about the amount of past sexual partners?

 

[Llyranor]

Why do you feel you need to lie about it?

Do they require a specific number or something?

 

[Lucid07]

Why do you feel you need to lie about it?

Do they require a specific number or something?

It's just that it's a significant amount more than themselves. Considering theirs was with people they'd been in relationships with and mine are one night stands.

 

[Llyranor]

Just say you have good experience or ballpark it. If they're being pushy and demanding and won't let it go, I'd be a bit wary. As in, why does it matter so much to them?

Yes, you've been with other people before. It was all consensual, that should be the end of it.

 

[vern]

It's just that it's a significant amount more than themselves. Considering theirs was with people they'd been in relationships with and mine are one night stands.

You just trying to smang or wanna have a relationship? I mean honesty is best generally I guess but if you just wanna get in there may as well say a made up number. If you want a long term thing tell the truth.

Or just say it's not important, because it isn't.

 

[Clay Davis]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice. The girl I'm currently seeing (the one I talked about previously, she works in the local supermarket) is becoming very clingy and constantly texts me throughout the day. For example, on Sunday, I was out with a couple of close friends and in the space of about an hour she sent me 8 messages. I had told her beforehand that I'd be with friends with the expectation that she'd understand that meant I want to be left alone but she didn't, even my friends picked up on it and commented that maybe I should call her to get her stop, but that's not fair is it?

I should be allowed days where I don't have to think about messaging her or calling her or skyping her. What made me want to post this is is that afterwards when I did get home and message her, she was extremely passive aggressive and has continued to be to today. I asked her if she'd like to have dinner tonight, her response was why don't you take your friends instead.

I haven't replied and I doubt I will. The thing is, I can feel it affecting me. I get the sense she wants to isolate me or at least always be the centre of attention and when I don't play along and give her want she wants, she becomes aggressive and then it falls to me to repair things by apologising.

I know she's lonely, the last of her single friends got married recently, but she won't do anything about it. I suggested she join a few groups or try to make new friends and she always snaps back at me to shut up or that maybe I should pay more attention to her.

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

 

[Watevaman]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice. The girl I'm currently seeing (the one I talked about previously, she works in the local supermarket) is becoming very clingy and constantly texts me throughout the day. For example, on Sunday, I was out with a couple of close friends and in the space of about an hour she sent me 8 messages. I had told her beforehand that I'd be with friends with the expectation that she'd understand that meant I want to be left alone but she didn't, even my friends picked up on it and commented that maybe I should call her to get her stop, but that's not fair is it?

I should be allowed days where I don't have to think about messaging her or calling her or skyping her. What made me want to post this is is that afterwards when I did get home and message her, she was extremely passive aggressive and has continued to be to today. I asked her if she'd like to have dinner tonight, her response was why don't you take your friends instead.

I haven't replied and I doubt I will. The thing is, I can feel it affecting me. I get the sense she wants to isolate me or at least always be the centre of attention and when I don't play along and give her want she wants, she becomes aggressive and then it falls to me to repair things by apologising.

I know she's lonely, the last of her single friends got married recently, but she won't do anything about it. I suggested she join a few groups or try to make new friends and she always snaps back at me to shut up or that maybe I should pay more attention to her.

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

Have you tried talking to her about this behavior? For a long while, my girlfriend was pretty clingy (and still is, to an extent), but eventually I hit a point where I just needed to sit down with her and tell her that we each need to do our own thing sometimes. As long as she is getting adequate attention from you and you aren't constantly blowing her off, she needs to realize that you need some time to yourself every now and then.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice. The girl I'm currently seeing (the one I talked about previously, she works in the local supermarket) is becoming very clingy and constantly texts me throughout the day. For example, on Sunday, I was out with a couple of close friends and in the space of about an hour she sent me 8 messages. I had told her beforehand that I'd be with friends with the expectation that she'd understand that meant I want to be left alone but she didn't, even my friends picked up on it and commented that maybe I should call her to get her stop, but that's not fair is it?

I should be allowed days where I don't have to think about messaging her or calling her or skyping her. What made me want to post this is is that afterwards when I did get home and message her, she was extremely passive aggressive and has continued to be to today. I asked her if she'd like to have dinner tonight, her response was why don't you take your friends instead.

Hell naw man. Hell fucking naw.

I haven't replied and I doubt I will. The thing is, I can feel it affecting me. I get the sense she wants to isolate me or at least always be the centre of attention and when I don't play along and give her want she wants, she becomes aggressive and then it falls to me to repair things by apologising.

Why the fuck are you appologizing for not responding to texts while out with friends. Man hell naw. Stop that shit.

I know she's lonely, the last of her single friends got married recently

Boo fucking hoo. Learn to be an independent adults. Her friends are gonna live their lives. She should too.

but she won't do anything about it. I suggested she join a few groups or try to make new friends and she always snaps back at me to shut up or that maybe I should pay more attention to her.

If anyone talked to me like that upon me suggesting ways to help . . . Bruh come on

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

Man you need to dump this girl like its garbage day. W/e dark place she goes is not your problem. Don't be a hostage to someone's emotions.

Is it bad to lie to a date/someone you're seeing about the amount of past sexual partners?

You don't need to answer that question at all. You're not obligated to share that info.

 

[vypek]

Is it bad to lie to a date/someone you're seeing about the amount of past sexual partners?

I imagine when people ask this, its related to a possible insecurity. Or that they'll assume the number is a lie anyways. Best case scenario is that its a question where they don't really care about the answer and just want to hear your reply. Like others said you could just not answer or say its not important.

 

[WolfeTone]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice.

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

I've been here before myself Clay. It's not fun.

Hardest thing to learn is that you are not responsible for her isolation and loneliness. You are not responsible for fixing it either. Don't stay with someone because you're worried they'll be lonely without you. How would you feel if someone you were dating told you that's why they were with you?

This girl needs to learn how to take care of herself. When people on here say 'work on yourself before finding a relationshp', they're talking about people like this girl. She's not ready for a relationship if she needs constant attention and validation by text.

My recommendation would be to break up with her. It will be hard, but ultimately better for the two of you.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Is it bad to lie to a date/someone you're seeing about the amount of past sexual partners?

Not at all. If it's a high number they'll get insecure about your commitment to them or paranoid about you having STDs. I get this from my partner and they think it's less than 10 people Ive had sex with. It's been the same reaction from previous partners.

The true number is over 100, and even then that's nowhere near the real number.

 

[gwailo]

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely?

No.

She's lonely because of her shitty behavior. But because you are acquiescing to her (especially by apologizing - WHY are you doing this - never a good idea to say sorry just to shut someone up) it is justifying her actions. So it is just keeping a hamster wheel of crap going that's never going to stop. You're acting like this is a LTR that you're in dire need to salvage when in reality it's someone that you've been dating for a few weeks. Based on this post and others, TBH I don't think there is much to salvage here. She should be in therapy (or maybe just grow up a little and drop the junior high dramatics) and you shouldn't be the one providing it.

 

[Krauser Kat]

UPDATE TIME

We went and got sushi and polished off a bottle of wine at the restaurant then walked home. Got back to my place, drank some more wine and played with my dog until we started fooling around.

I took her to my bed and went at it again and she wore one of those chasity leotards that looks fucking AMAZING on her once her pants were off.

She thought sex before knowing someone for more then 2 days was weird for her. I totally agreed with her consent and didnt push her further but i did my thing within the boundaries set and gave her a really really fun night.

tonight im making dinner and she is stopping by after some work function. I really need to catch up on my sleep.

 

[WolfeTone]

Is it bad to lie to a date/someone you're seeing about the amount of past sexual partners?

I would say yes, it's bad. You should be honest about your sexual past. If someone has a problem with the number of people you've slept with then it might indicate that they have a different attitude towards sex than you.

If they're concerned about STDs, then you should be able to assuage those feelings by informing them that you've been tested and are clean.

 

[Salamando]

Clay, break up with her. Those dark thoughts could easily be another aspect of emotional abuse - holding you hostage in a relationship you don't want to be in.

UPDATE TIME

We went and got sushi and polished off a bottle of wine at the restaurant then walked home. Got back to my place, drank some more wine and played with my dog until we started fooling around.

I took her to my bed and went at it again and she wore one of those chasity leotards that looks fucking AMAZING on her once her pants were off.

She thought sex before knowing someone for more then 2 days was weird for her. I totally agreed with her consent and didnt push her further but i did my thing within the boundaries set and gave her a really really fun night.

tonight im making dinner and she is stopping by after some work function. I really need to catch up on my sleep.

The weird part here is both of you were able to find time to date three days in a row. Or maybe that's just me. Much as I like the early phase, it's nice to give it room to breathe a little.

 

[asagami_]

How I must approach this co-worker? She was in my area, but she move out and now I can't talk so much with her like I could before. I can talk her in FB, but I suspect it would be a little awkward do it because she is not my friend in the site. But frankly, I don't want wait to a perfect moment to talk with her.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Clay, break up with her. Those dark thoughts could easily be another aspect of emotional abuse - holding you hostage in a relationship you don't want to be in.

The weird part here is both of you were able to find time to date three days in a row. Or maybe that's just me. Much as I like the early phase, it's nice to give it room to breathe a little.

Personally I found the weirdest thing being that after that "I'm so turned on text" he still didn't get some. I thought that was what she was saying. How could that not be it?

Spoiler

/s

 

[gwailo]

How I must approach this co-worker? She was in my area, but she move out and now I can't talk so much with her like I could before. I can talk her in FB, but I suspect it would be a little awkward do it because she is not my friend in the site. But frankly, I don't want wait to a perfect moment to talk with her.

See above - pretty much everyone here is in agreement that dating co-workers is a bad idea. And do NOT just randomly message her via FB. That is really creepy.

 

[M52B28]

How I must approach this co-worker? She was in my area, but she move out and now I can't talk so much with her like I could before. I can talk her in FB, but I suspect it would be a little awkward do it because she is not my friend in the site. But frankly, I don't want wait to a perfect moment to talk with her.

How about you don't approach her?

There are other places to meet women besides the workplace. Especially, considering that you have no real clear way of contracting her outside of work, you'll look pretty nosy adding her on Facebook without any pretence besides wanting to get with her.

Don't do it.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I would say yes, it's bad. You should be honest about your sexual past. If someone has a problem with the number of people you've slept with then it might indicate that they have a different attitude towards sex than you

I really disagree this is information that you need to divulge at all ignoring this isn't even his gf. Why does someone need to know thi?. You're just entitled to know everything about my sexual past because we are kinda seeing each other currently? Beyond "I'm clean" I don't even see a reason why this should come up in the dating stage. .

If they're concerned about STDs, then you should be able to assuage those feelings by informing them that you've been tested and are clean.

This is fine. But otherwise naw. If you are fine givimg out the info then go for it but of you aren't don't. Just say "I don't really share that stuff.". I mostly just jeep it personal.

How I must approach this co-worker? She was in my area, but she move out and now I can't talk so much with her like I could before. I can talk her in FB, but I suspect it would be a little awkward do it because she is not my friend in the site. But frankly, I don't want wait to a perfect moment to talk with her.

Read this page. Don't do it man.

 

[names2hard4you]

I've been noticing that GAF has a thing for coworkers. Man I can't even imagine going there. I'd rather keep my work and personal life separate.

 

[M52B28]

Furthest thing I've done with a co-worker is smoke weed and have a drink with a guy in a separate department.

I mentioned in a thread that a co-worker asked me out for a drink after work, on a Sunday, and I declined her.

 

[Astral]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice. The girl I'm currently seeing (the one I talked about previously, she works in the local supermarket) is becoming very clingy and constantly texts me throughout the day. For example, on Sunday, I was out with a couple of close friends and in the space of about an hour she sent me 8 messages. I had told her beforehand that I'd be with friends with the expectation that she'd understand that meant I want to be left alone but she didn't, even my friends picked up on it and commented that maybe I should call her to get her stop, but that's not fair is it?

I should be allowed days where I don't have to think about messaging her or calling her or skyping her. What made me want to post this is is that afterwards when I did get home and message her, she was extremely passive aggressive and has continued to be to today. I asked her if she'd like to have dinner tonight, her response was why don't you take your friends instead.

I haven't replied and I doubt I will. The thing is, I can feel it affecting me. I get the sense she wants to isolate me or at least always be the centre of attention and when I don't play along and give her want she wants, she becomes aggressive and then it falls to me to repair things by apologising.

I know she's lonely, the last of her single friends got married recently, but she won't do anything about it. I suggested she join a few groups or try to make new friends and she always snaps back at me to shut up or that maybe I should pay more attention to her.

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

Wow that's just how my ex was. It wasn't because she was lonely but because she was childish, wanted to be the center of my attention at all times and wanted everything her way. I honestly didn't mind the clinginess that much until she started getting legit angry whenever I couldn't call her or if I took too long to text. Even though she would often take long herself but of course her excuses are always valid. Idk how much you like this go but if that behavior continues, just drop her.

 

[chicko1983]

I think you're over thinking and over analyzing anything she says or does. Ask her number and pretend it's just some work related bullshit. Converse and give slight hints and shit. See what happens.

I have her number, been conversing plenty, and there's been plenty hints from my end. I'm pretty sure she is giving me hints.

Another female Coworker said to me on the other day "x looks pretty today" and I'm sure she was saying that to see my reaction. There have been enough hints that I reckon it's obvious to everyone else we both like each other.

It's true. He should've fucked her halfway through new employee orientation.

Since no one else is asking you this: what company? What are HR's policies? What's the culture like concerning dating? Do you work in the same department? Do you directly report to the same person? This could be more than awkward; it could actually impact you professionally.

Big engineering firm, plenty of people have hooked up with coworkers before, yes same dept and yes same reporting person. Yes it would be awkward.

Yall really need to stop shitting where you're eating. If you're actually in a position where you value you job professionally, why are you putting it in jeopardy over "maybe an office girl might like me"?

I'm pretty much gonna tell people to go for it in all situations except at work. Focus on your economic situation b. Work is what puts food on the fucking table, it's a lil more important than a date. Get your money man. Billions of women (men too for the girls that read thus thread) exist outside of the one place that happens to sustain you.

Yep, these are the reasons why I've never considered dating someone at work. And I'm pretty sure I've advised others in this thread the same way in the past.

Ive slept on it and I'm gonna slow things down today. Im not going to instigate any coffee breaks, emails or chit chat.

 

[turtle553]

I've been noticing that GAF has a thing for coworkers. Man I can't even imagine going there. I'd rather keep my work and personal life separate.

It's not really rare. Especially once you are out of school, work will be the place you spend the majority of your time around a large group of people.

 

[ZackieChan]

I've been noticing that GAF has a thing for coworkers. Man I can't even imagine going there. I'd rather keep my work and personal life separate.

Why if you slang dope together?

 

[chicko1983]

It's not really rare. Especially once you are out of school, work will be the place you spend the majority of your time around a large group of people.

Exactly.

And when you are like me and I've pretty much exhausted my friends' single friends (either not attracted, it's only one way attraction or there is no connection) Then you have removed a big part of where it's likely I'll meet someone.

 

[gaiages]

Exactly.

And when you are like me and I've pretty much exhausted my friends' single friends (either not attracted, it's only one way attraction or there is no connection) Then you have removed a big part of where it's likely I'll meet someone.

Good thing online dating exists!

Seriously though, it's such a risky thing if the two of you work close together. So much potential for trouble if it doesn't end well. So much.

 

[turtle553]

Good thing online dating exists!

Seriously though, it's such a risky thing if the two of you work close together. So much potential for trouble if it doesn't end well. So much.

Yeah, if you are sitting next to each other it may be risky. But it's not a big deal if you are working a job that is not a long term career or it's a big company and you are in different departments. Most people can handle things like adults. Life is full of risks.

 

[Messofanego]

Hi dating gaf. How's everyone doing?

I'm stuck at a crossroads and I need some expert advice. The girl I'm currently seeing (the one I talked about previously, she works in the local supermarket) is becoming very clingy and constantly texts me throughout the day. For example, on Sunday, I was out with a couple of close friends and in the space of about an hour she sent me 8 messages. I had told her beforehand that I'd be with friends with the expectation that she'd understand that meant I want to be left alone but she didn't, even my friends picked up on it and commented that maybe I should call her to get her stop, but that's not fair is it?

I should be allowed days where I don't have to think about messaging her or calling her or skyping her. What made me want to post this is is that afterwards when I did get home and message her, she was extremely passive aggressive and has continued to be to today. I asked her if she'd like to have dinner tonight, her response was why don't you take your friends instead.

I haven't replied and I doubt I will. The thing is, I can feel it affecting me. I get the sense she wants to isolate me or at least always be the centre of attention and when I don't play along and give her want she wants, she becomes aggressive and then it falls to me to repair things by apologising.

I know she's lonely, the last of her single friends got married recently, but she won't do anything about it. I suggested she join a few groups or try to make new friends and she always snaps back at me to shut up or that maybe I should pay more attention to her.

I guess what I'm asking is, would it wrong if I broke up with her knowing that she's lonely? I know I can't put up with this for much longer, I can see the wheels of her emotional abuse/manipulation turning but at the same time I worry that if I break up with her, she'll be left alone and she has expressed some dark thoughts. Not dark as in what if she killed herself, but dark as in if she were to disappear, no one would care.

You're not her therapist or carer. She needs to sort herself out first.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

It's not really rare. Especially once you are out of school, work will be the place you spend the majority of your time around a large group of people.

No one implied it was rare. They implied it was a bad idea. Which it is if this is your career.

Exactly.

And when you are like me and I've pretty much exhausted my friends' single friends (either not attracted, it's only one way attraction or there is no connection) Then you have removed a big part of where it's likely I'll meet someone.

Just keep doing new things. Working to meet new people. Online. I don't genuinely believe work is the place where you gotta find the one. I don't even kind of believe it.

Yeah, if you are sitting next to each other it may be risky. But it's not a big deal if you are working a job that is not a long term career or it's a big company and you are in different departments. Most people can handle things like adults. Life is full of risks.

The advice is only really for people in long term jobs and careers. No one gives a shit if you work at walmart and date another cashier. But if you work in the same department or closely nah. Conflict of interest. Too much chance for shit to go sideways. If you actually care about your job I wouldn't risk it because most people do not handle this like adults. Life may be full of risks, it doesn't mean you jusy say fuck it to risk mitigation. "Well the view is nice so I'ma stand at the edge of this cliff yolo squad goals".

Obviously not.

 

[ZackieChan]

Break up with her YESTERDAY, Clay. I think we recommended that course of action weeks ago.

 

[Krauser Kat]

Clay, break up with her. Those dark thoughts could easily be another aspect of emotional abuse - holding you hostage in a relationship you don't want to be in.

The weird part here is both of you were able to find time to date three days in a row. Or maybe that's just me. Much as I like the early phase, it's nice to give it room to breathe a little.

She travels for work a lot and im going to be busy from wednesday until past the weekend so we kind of just crammed it in there. Normally i think we are both busier. Also we are kind of motivated right now.

It will be nice to breath a bit and have a good weekend day together.

 

[gwailo]

If you actually care about your job I wouldn't risk it because most people do not handle this like adults.

100% this. Even if you and the other person are cool with things, most offices are gossipy as hell (or at least there will be a few people that are nosy blabbermouths) so your business will become the office's business as well. Even if it's a big company and you work in different departments, shit can go south really quick. I know people that have had to quit because of workplace relationships gone wrong and the ensuing HR shitshow.

TBH if your only dating option is the people at work, you really need to expand your horizons.