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[names2hard4you]

No one implied it was rare. They implied it was a bad idea. Which it is if this is your career.

Exactly this ^

I mean I get it, you go to work every day and see people there that you may or may not take a liking to, and that's fine. But anything beyond a workplace friendship is in my opinion way too risky, specially if you want to move forward in your career. What if the other person gets the job over you. Or vice versa. Are you ready to compete at work and sleep together at home?? Will you be able to focus and not take a bias towards any of the ideas given by the other party during a meeting, or when sitting at the same table?? What if you forgot to take the garbage at home and the other person is unhappy about that. Will that affect the project and the people involved? It goes beyond your relationship with that partner, it will ultimately affect the workplace as well.

 

[chicko1983]

Good thing online dating exists!

Seriously though, it's such a risky thing if the two of you work close together. So much potential for trouble if it doesn't end well. So much.

Online doesn't work for me being Sri Lankan descent in Australia, that's the truth. I've only met with three people from online dating.

The vast majority of women I've dated, I've met at bars and clubs, where I can actually talk to them rather than being dismissed instantly on looks.

ive got a wedding coming up this weekend, so I will see who is there. Hopefully I'm on a singles table.

 

[GK86]

Break up with her YESTERDAY, Clay. I think we recommended that course of action weeks ago.

Pretty sure people are supposed to do the opposite of the advice given.

 

[Clay Davis]

Hi again.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your advice. She called me a little while ago and was upset that I didn't reply to her message. She started to cry saying that if I cared about her I would have called to make sure she's OK and find out why she didn't want to meet. I decided to act on the advice given and told her that I feel it's not going to work out and I can't keep doing this any more. I said that I appreciate she's going through a difficult time with her friends and her feeling lonely, but it's not fair for her to put the pressure of constantly being there for her on my shoulders. She hung up and blocked me on Whatsapp, so I think that's that.

I was going to send her a text message saying sorry, but then I stopped to think about what I actually have to be sorry about, I thought about what some of you said about my apologising and I think you're right, I always apologise and try to keep the peace and I think that comes off as a sign of weakness or lack of willingness to deal with negative situations. I need to change this, so I'm going to focus on myself for the time being and really think about what kind of person I am and why I always end up apologising for things I shouldn't and always forgive people for things that are actually big deals.

I'm thankful I have a good support network through friends and on here, so thank you everyone for your advice, for taking the time to read through my long winded posts and for offering advice that I needed to hear. Before today, I hadn't thought about why I always apologise and why I shy away from confrontation, I need to figure this out. So thanks again, I wish I was able to offer something instead of always taking, hopefully some day I'll be able to repay the kindness by offering advice to others.

I thought this would work out, we had so much in common and in the beginning at least, we talked for hours and it felt good. I think that's why I let things go initially, I don't know, I need to do some introspection, that much I know is obvious.

Take care and good luck to everyone seeking advice, you couldn't have come to a better place.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Hi again.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your advice. She called me a little while ago and was upset that I didn't reply to her message. She started to cry saying that if I cared about her I would have called to make sure she's OK and find out why she didn't want to meet. I decided to act on the advice given and told her that I feel it's not going to work out and I can't keep doing this any more. I said that I appreciate she's going through a difficult time with her friends and her feeling lonely, but it's not fair for her to put the pressure of constantly being there for her on my shoulders. She hung up and blocked me on Whatsapp, so I think that's that.

I was going to send her a text message saying sorry, but then I stopped to think about what I actually have to be sorry about, I thought about what some of you said about my apologising and I think you're right, I always apologise and try to keep the peace and I think that comes off as a sign of weakness or lack of willingness to deal with negative situations. I need to change this, so I'm going to focus on myself for the time being and really think about what kind of person I am and why I always end up apologising for things I shouldn't and always forgive people for things that are actually big deals.

I'm thankful I have a good support network through friends and on here, so thank you everyone for your advice, for taking the time to read through my long winded posts and for offering advice that I needed to hear. Before today, I hadn't thought about why I always apologise and why I shy away from confrontation, I need to figure this out. So thanks again, I wish I was able to offer something instead of always taking, hopefully some day I'll be able to repay the kindness by offering advice to others.

I thought this would work out, we had so much in common and in the beginning at least, we talked for hours and it felt good. I think that's why I let things go initially, I don't know, I need to do some introspection, that much I know is obvious.

Take care and good luck to everyone seeking advice, you couldn't have come to a better place.

Reading this made me so happy. Proud of you man.

 

[ZackieChan]

She'll unblock you tomorrow and try to get back in your life. Block her proactively.

 

[Astral]

Hanging up without a word and then blocking you? How obnoxious.

 

[Incendiary]

Went on two dates on Sunday and yesterday and man, they were complete polar opposites of each other.

The first was with a girl who was a decent enough person, but she had recently broke up with a long-term boyfriend and there was some bitterness there. Also a lot of negative energy, a very 'fuck the system' vibe that's cool and edgy in high school but not now. And she talked a lot and kind of expected me to agree with her over having a conversation. A person I wouldn't mind being friends with, but I just had zero interest in dating her.

Then last night I went out with a girl who was fun, we were laughing a lot and everything was positive and relaxed. Completely different energy the entire date - there was banter, there was physical chemistry, we had actual back-and-forth conversations. The night ended with a kiss (or several) and we spent today texting and have already set up another date for this week.

Needless to say, it's really given me perspective on settling. The first girl was someone who I liked sorta, and probably would have gone on a few more dates with if I wasn't seeing anyone else, and maybe would have convinced myself I liked after some time. But the time I had with the second girl was day compared to night - much, much brighter and I didn't have to convince myself of anything, I -wanted- to see her again, almost immediately after the date ended.

So yeah: moral of the story is don't settle. You'll know a good connection and if somebody is worth your time when it happens.

She'll unblock you tomorrow and try to get back in your life. Block her proactively.

Yes. Do this. For your own sanity, do this and make sure she can't change her mind (or yours).

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Time for a new avatar

Perfect idea. Done.

Went on two dates on Sunday and yesterday and man, they were complete polar opposites of each other.

The first was with a girl who was a decent enough person, but she had recently broke up with a long-term boyfriend and there was some bitterness there. Also a lot of negative energy, a very 'fuck the system' vibe that's cool and edgy in high school but not now. And she talked a lot and kind of expected me to agree with her over having a conversation. A person I wouldn't mind being friends with, but I just had zero interest in dating her.

Then last night I went out with a girl who was fun, we were laughing a lot and everything was positive and relaxed. Completely different energy the entire date - there was banter, there was physical chemistry, we had actual back-and-forth conversations. The night ended with a kiss (or several) and we spent today texting and have already set up another date for this week.

Needless to say, it's really given me perspective on settling.

I've been through dozens of "nice, but" girls -- enough that I have to flag that I'm talking about literally nice comma but rather than commenting otherwise. The more you date, the more you realize that each interaction brings with it different things, right? And it also helpfully flags what's missing.

There was probably nothing wrong with the first girl; however, you didn't vibe with her, and you smartly moved on. Too often people cling to things, hoping it gets better. Things do improve in time, but I'm now of the mindset that if there's no banter and physical chemistry from the beginning, it's never happening, and I'm not putting in the effort (and, usually, neither do they). Weirdly, the last girl I dated, we have insane physical chemistry. But there's no banter; we're just slightly out of sync, even though she's smart and, honestly, a great person. Similarly, the girl I dated last fall: we had no sexual chemistry, but we were operating on exactly the same wavelength mentally.

But you really do need both.

 

[Messofanego]

Hi again.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your advice. She called me a little while ago and was upset that I didn't reply to her message. She started to cry saying that if I cared about her I would have called to make sure she's OK and find out why she didn't want to meet. I decided to act on the advice given and told her that I feel it's not going to work out and I can't keep doing this any more. I said that I appreciate she's going through a difficult time with her friends and her feeling lonely, but it's not fair for her to put the pressure of constantly being there for her on my shoulders. She hung up and blocked me on Whatsapp, so I think that's that.

I was going to send her a text message saying sorry, but then I stopped to think about what I actually have to be sorry about, I thought about what some of you said about my apologising and I think you're right, I always apologise and try to keep the peace and I think that comes off as a sign of weakness or lack of willingness to deal with negative situations. I need to change this, so I'm going to focus on myself for the time being and really think about what kind of person I am and why I always end up apologising for things I shouldn't and always forgive people for things that are actually big deals.

I'm thankful I have a good support network through friends and on here, so thank you everyone for your advice, for taking the time to read through my long winded posts and for offering advice that I needed to hear. Before today, I hadn't thought about why I always apologise and why I shy away from confrontation, I need to figure this out. So thanks again, I wish I was able to offer something instead of always taking, hopefully some day I'll be able to repay the kindness by offering advice to others.

I thought this would work out, we had so much in common and in the beginning at least, we talked for hours and it felt good. I think that's why I let things go initially, I don't know, I need to do some introspection, that much I know is obvious.

Take care and good luck to everyone seeking advice, you couldn't have come to a better place.

Good.

Block her on whatsapp, delete her number, whatever you do, get rid of her in your life. You deserve way better.

 

[WolfeTone]

I really disagree this is information that you need to divulge at all ignoring this isn't even his gf. Why does someone need to know thi?. You're just entitled to know everything about my sexual past because we are kinda seeing each other currently? Beyond "I'm clean" I don't even see a reason why this should come up in the dating stage. .

This is fine. But otherwise naw. If you are fine givimg out the info then go for it but of you aren't don't. Just say "I don't really share that stuff.". I mostly just jeep it personal.

I guess for me it's not something that's very personal. It's just curiosity. I don't mind divulging that information to friends or anyone who asks. I wouldn't tell my coworkers or family but I very much doubt they would ever ask me.

If a girl I'm dating asks me and my answer gives her a negative impression of me, then she is not someone I'd be interested in dating in the first place. I don't care how many people she's slept with and wouldn't care if it never came up.

Hi again.

Good job Clay. That couldn't have been easy for you. You said a lot of encouraging things in your post that bode well for a healthy dating life and healthy personal life in general.

One thing that you may have already realized and that others here have mentioned, this girl will try to contact you again. She may say nice things which might encourage you to engage with her and be sympathetic or she may say hurtful things in an attempt to provoke you. Either way, she is just looking for your attention and you would be wise to ignore her, now matter how much you might crave ending things on a positive note. This girl sounds very immature and is likely to try to 'win' the break up.

Don't let that take away from how you handled the situation though. You did so in a very appropriate and mature way.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

.

We did it, Dating-Age.

 

[Astral]

I asked a girl out from class. Well not really asked out but expressed my interest. She gently rejected me. This only like the 4th girl I ask out ever. I always feel a little let down afterwards but mostly fine. It's never awkward the day after or anything and I don't think much of it. After rejection I mean. Which was all of them except my ex. I guess it's really, really hard for me to actually go for it which is the problem. I get really shy. I'm not sure what to do now. I wish I could say "on to the next one" but there is no next one.

 

[LucidMomentum]

I asked a girl out from class. Well not really asked out but expressed my interest. She gently rejected me. This only like the 4th girl I ask out ever. I always feel a little let down afterwards but mostly fine. It's never awkward the day after or anything and I don't think much of it. After rejection I mean. Which was all of them except my ex. I guess it's really, really hard for me to actually go for it which is the problem. I get really shy. I'm not sure what to do now. I wish I could say "on to the next one" but there is no next one.

Most people go through life wondering what would have happened if they asked, and / or never get over being turned down.

There will be someone else in time, but for now don't make it awkward and just get back to your usual business. You asked and that takes a lot of effort in and of itself.

Good on ya man, I know how you feel. It's that time of year when I hate not dating someone but this year I'm not going to be desperate and end up finding someone I'll just break up with after Valentine's day.

 

[War Peaceman]

This is a red letter day.

This is the first day someone actually performed dating-age's advice and made the awkward but correct decision.

Well done, Clay Davis. I thought your post was very well reasoned and reflective. You'll do well.

 

[Astral]

Most people go through life wondering what would have happened if they asked, and / or never get over being turned down.

There will be someone else in time, but for now don't make it awkward and just get back to your usual business. You asked and that takes a lot of effort in and of itself.

Good on ya man, I know how you feel. It's that time of year when I hate not dating someone but this year I'm not going to be desperate and end up finding someone I'll just break up with after Valentine's day.

Thanks. Believe me I won't make it awkward. That's one thing I feel like I'm always good about. I'm not really bummed about the rejection itself. I just kinda wanna date and stuff and like really connect with someone again. It feels like I'm missing out on something fun.

This is a red letter day.

This is the first day someone actually performed dating-age's advice and made the awkward but correct decision.

Well done, Clay Davis. I thought your post was very well reasoned and reflective. You'll do well.

The way he resolved that so quickly actually motivated me to just ask this girl out lol.

 

[Kevtones]

 

[Clay Davis]

Sorry for yet another long post, but I really should have checked this thread after my post last night as she did exactly what some of you said she would. She unblocked me during the night and sent a number of messages about how I'd made her feel worthless, how I didn't care about her because I was willing to abandon her without trying to fix things, how what I'm doing to her shows I don't have any empathy or a caring bone in my body (her exact words) and how everyone always uses her and abandons her, how she thought I would be different and how much I've hurt her by making her feel replaceable and unwanted.

I'm not going to reply, I know what she's doing so I've done what was suggested, I've blocked her on Whatsapp, I've blocked her number on my phone and I'm going to move forward because as someone said, I'm not in a long term relationship with her and her and yet everyday felt like a striggle and after thinking about it, I realised she was the reason I felt so down the past couple of weeks. I mistook these feelings I had for something else and I know how bad this might sound, but last night after it was all over, I actually felt happy, genuinely happy that I wouldn't have to deal with her any more.

Today's a new day, it didn't start well with those messages but there's lots to look forward to, a friend insisted I spend the say with her instead of moping around at home (today I was originally supposed to spend it with my now ex-girlfriend) and overthinking things.

Take care and I hope everyone has a good day.

 

[chicko1983]

Take care and I hope everyone has a good day.

Well done again. You should have blocked her last night as some suggested, but as long as you didnt reply today, you have done the right thing.

Today all I said to the 'girl in the office' this morning was Hi. I was pretty busy with my own work and didn't give her any attention, without being rude.

There were three or four instances where she interrupted conversations I was having with other people today in order to get some attention from me because I wasn't giving her any.

Its true: the more you want them, the less they want you and vice versa.

 

[gaiages]

Clay I'm so proud of you ;w;

 

[gwailo]

I'm not going to reply, I know what she's doing so I've done what was suggested, I've blocked her on Whatsapp, I've blocked her number on my phone and I'm going to move forward because as someone said, I'm not in a long term relationship with her and her and yet everyday felt like a striggle and after thinking about it, I realised she was the reason I felt so down the past couple of weeks. I mistook these feelings I had for something else and I know how bad this might sound, but last night after it was all over, I actually felt happy, genuinely happy that I wouldn't have to deal with her any more.

Don't feel bad about feeling good about the breakup. Her line about "abandon her without trying to fix things" (aka fix her) is very telling. You've only been going out for a few weeks and she is already expecting you to turn her life around. It's a very immature and selfish point of view. I have a feeling that she doesn't have any friends not because her friends got married, it's more that they got sick of having to constantly coddle and baby her. Again, you shouldn't have to be anyone's therapist in a relationship. It isn't helpful to either of you and does nothing in the end to solve the underlying issues.

There were three or four instances where she interrupted conversations I was having with other people today in order to get some attention from me because I wasn't giving her any.

You don't want to date people like this. This sort of person is like the one young Mr Clay was dating and they'll be texting you every 5 minutes. Also if she is acting like this now and injecting herself into work conversations that she has no part of just to get attention, how do you think she'll handle herself if you have a bad breakup?

 

[vypek]

I thought the twist in Clay's recent post was going to be that because he didn't see people's post last night that he took her back and fell into the pattern she wanted. I've been lurking these threads since last OT and its pretty amazing that someone took the advice right away and then followed up by taking the right steps the next day (even without seeing the follow up posts). Pretty awesome.

 

[WolfeTone]

Sorry for yet another long post.

It's so satisfying reading this. Thanks Clay. In a way I'm glad she contacted you because you got to see what kind of person she really is.

As we've said before, you've handled this perfectly. Enjoy your freedom from the negativity that this person was injecting into your life.

 

[Krauser Kat]

More updates.

3rd date in three days. Girl is still amazing. Sex was AMAZING.
Both looking forward to seeing each other again.

 

[LucidMomentum]

I'm not really bummed about the rejection itself. I just kinda wanna date and stuff and like really connect with someone again. It feels like I'm missing out on something fun.

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Can't let it end you up in a destructive relationship though, keep that in mind.

Like, I love my hobbies and what I'm doing currently in life, and I enjoy my friends but there's something special about that one on one relationship with someone, and of course the chance to have some sex too.

But that's not worth destroying the other parts of your life for, really. I gotta tell myself that when I feel lonely and/or desperate.

Take care and I hope everyone has a good day.

I am now man! Congrats! I kept a relationship like that going for too long cause I was scared to be alone. You did what I couldn't do back then.

More updates.

3rd date in three days. Girl is still amazing. Sex was AMAZING.
Both looking forward to seeing each other again.

IT'S A HOME RUN!

Congrats man. That's what's up.

 

[names2hard4you]

Clay, you better watch out:

Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

[Soriku]

Should I go to the movies or a mall on a second date, do you guys think? Our first date was at Starbucks and that went over really well. I think a movie would be more exciting but we can walk and talk more freely at the mall and maybe grab a bite to eat.

 

[ZackieChan]

Should I go to the movies or a mall on a second date, do you guys think? Our first date was at Starbucks and that went over really well. I think a movie would be more exciting but we can walk and talk more freely at the mall and maybe grab a bite to eat.

Is there a movie theater at the mall? Bam.

 

[names2hard4you]

Is there a movie theater at the mall? Bam.

Was going to say exactly this lol. All theatres here are either in a mall or right next to one. Do both.

 

[Soriku]

Is there a movie theater at the mall? Bam.

Sadly no lol, otherwise I would've jumped at it.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Should I go to the movies or a mall on a second date, do you guys think? Our first date was at Starbucks and that went over really well. I think a movie would be more exciting but we can walk and talk more freely at the mall and maybe grab a bite to eat.

How old are you? Not a dig, by the way. I think movies are terrible dates though (unless you do something before the movie) because you're not actually interacting with someone.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Sadly no lol, otherwise I would've jumped at it.

Movie, then Mall?

I feel like just a movie isn't the best date, cause you don't do a lot of talking.

Unless you're horny and want an excuse to fool around in public you'll be focused on the movie mostly.

 

[Soriku]

How old are you? Not a dig, by the way. I think movies are terrible dates though (unless you do something before the movie) because you're not actually interacting with someone.

22. My date is 18.

The bolded was my thought and I was thinking of saving a movie for another time...

Btw it can only be one or the other.

 

[LucidMomentum]

22. My date is 18.

The bolded was my thought and I was thinking of saving a movie for another time...

Btw it can only be one or the other.

Mall then. Movie is for when you know someone a bit more and don't mind chill.

 

[nitewulf]

Where to begin.

I got divorced in January, and prior to that we were separated for about 1 and a half years. During that time I really wasn't ready for dating, I had met women through friends and could have used them for sex but felt a massive amount of guilt, because none of them were really my type. One straight up was looking for a husband, hot as fuck, I could have just played her and dropped her if I wanted - but I couldn't, that's just not in me. The other one, she is dope but we had nothing in common.

In the meantime I tried all the online stuff but had no hits, I'm not white, and short and frankly I wasn't really putting in a lot of effort in these apps/sites. I did get one date out of OKC, and we had a good date, ended up making out and she seemed really into me but after the date she went radio silent and I never heard from her again.

On night outs with friends I managed to get numbers from pretty much most girls I approached and talked to, but none of them ever actually responded back. Ever.

Very recently I met a girl at a Taco Meetup (best meetup ever), and I texted her after a few days and she was like, "Yeah I definitely wanna get a drink, but I'm super busy for the next two weeks, I will let you know after...". I don't think she wanted to get that drink.

But none of that phases me really, in that time I cultivated a super cool group of friends, in fact most of them are women and it's wonderful to be friends with women and have no sexual tensions and just go out and have fun.

Now there's this one girl, who's my best friend's wife's best friend (let's call her GIRL). From the day I met her I found her attractive, but she wasn't in my scope, I immediately dismissed her as she is way out of my league. She was involved with a dude at that point anyway. She soon became single, and we will come to that.

In the meantime we all hang out in a group etc. One night GIRL does something, which actually makes me start having a crush on her. That's the thing.

We were out for my best friend's wife's (let's call her Julia) BDay, and one of Julia's friends is a total bitch right (Let's call her Lucy), and I don't know, I was a bit drunk as well I guess, we are at this KBBQ joint, so Lucy was sitting next to me and she puts aside the lettuce on her plate and I just grab it and start chewing it...and she flips.
"Oh my god, why wouldn't you even ask me first??",
I'm like: "But you set it aside and just mentioned you didn't want it.",
"Well you should still ask!!".
So I feel bad right, and offer her a bunch of chicken (I ordered a large platter of BonChon chicken for myself, super good, highly recommended ++ ).
And she's like: "Dude I don't want your chicken, OK?",
I'm like: "Why don't you just try a piece?"
She's yells: "Dude stop forcing me to eat fucking chicken"
And at that point I just shut up...cause this shit was getting out of hand.
Then she starts talking to her friend who's sitting in front me about being at a party where some dude was bothering her.
So she says, "And then I fucking bit his nose!" And gives me a death stare.
It was a bait. And I fucking took it.
So I simply stated: "Yeah, that sounds about right."
Lucy flipped and screamed: "Stay the fuck out of out conversation!" And stormed off.
At this point GIRL, who was sitting in front of Lucy ran out of her sit and sat next to me, shrugged and said, "Hey don't worry about her, can I try some chicken?"
That showed me she had a keen sense of emotional intelligence. She diffused the situation, she ensured that Lucy couldn't come back and sit next to me, she also intently followed the situation and felt compelled to intervene where as everyone else was pretty much oblivious to all this drama and were just having fun. So I realized there was more to her than just the looks. Fine.

So I'm not a spring chicken, I'm 35, I'm collected and calm. I have a great career. I love having fun, going out to music fests. I do bad ass things like travel all over the place and drive a bad ass car.

So as summer approached I invite GIRL and Julia wherever I go, rooftop clubs, beach parties. etc. Even at this point she really isn't in my scope of possibilities, I just know she is hot, she loves to dance and I love having hot women around me at places, such that I myself look more attractive to potential girls I may want to hit on.

I hate the TV/Movie trope of hot girl + ugly guy thing, I don't think it's realistic and I think it totally skews our (men's) expectations in general, so I filter out any possibilities with her.

So mostly she rejects my invitations but a few times we do end up together we have a lot of fun at like electronic music fests, etc. But mostly she ignores me, right.

Recently my best friend threw a BBQ, and at that same day another friend threw a birthday party, so we all decided to go to the BBQ first and then hit a rooftop bar for the birthday. GIRL is not a part of the birthday party crowd, but since she is at the BBQ, I casually just ask her to join later. Turns out she shows up at the place before like anyone else and starts asking about me. So my boy and his girl sit with her they start hanging out. Meantime my boy texts me "Yo she's here where the fuck you at?"
I was surprised, cause I didn't think she'd show...so I rush over there and we have fun.

Then she invites me to this modern dance short film productions showcase (where she helped produce two of the films...the fuck do I know about this shit yeah? I'm there for her!), and after the screenings she's like: "Hey, few of us are grabbing some falafel, what's your plan, wanna come? No pressure!". Meantime Julia was there with her crew as well, and we already decided to go to this BBQ joint called Fette Sau (yay Williamsburg, what! what!). So I make a misstep or may be the right step, I didn't wanna seem like a puppy that follows her around so I was like, "Well we kinda planned to go to this BBQ place...", She's like: "Sure, no pressure!"
Anyway, we go, I eat like a barrel of smoked meat...and I drive back home, cause I had to do some early morning shopping as I was throwing a BBQ the next day. Which I invited GIRL to, and she rejected, but this time with the caveat, "I really wish I could come, but I am going to DC". Fine. On the drive back she texts me. I'm not a douche so I don't check the text as I'm driving my bad ass car and don't wanna cause an accident.
I come home and check: "Hey, where did you go, the girls wanna hang out and we are at Union Pool, wanna come?"
So I tell her I left already and compliment her on her production of modern dance short films. We say goodnight.
Then for Halloween she invites me over to pre-game, so we end up at her place, we drink, then we go out, more friends meet us and have a grand old time. All the while she is talking about boys she meets and kisses, but she doesn't like them and isn't into them and how Tinder sucks blah blah blah.
And I'm totally nonchalant, you know, cool.
Meantime my boy's girl is like: "I think she enjoys being around you a lot, you should ask her out one to one. Just you and her."
And my boy is like: "I think she likes you, but she definitely wants you to be aggressive and ask her out, you know?"

She is throwing an election party on the 8th and I'm invited.
She texted me, "Hey, your whiskey (from the Halloween pre-game) is still almost full, don't buy another bottle, just come"

My question: "Does it seem like she likes me?"

I have a gut feeling she does, but for aforementioned reasons, I do not have the confidence that she does.
a) pretty much every girl I approached rejected me over the past year and a half.
b) she is way out of my league, she's playing premier league football and I'm like ball boy for Sheffield Wednesday.

So I will ask her out, that's really not the issue, cause I will, for my own sanity. It's just that, I don't wanna get rejected by her, cause I like her a lot. Rejections from the other girls didn't phase me a bit, I just moved on to the next girl. But rejection from her will sting.

A lot.

Does it seem like she likes me?

 

[Salamando]

My question: "Does it seem like she likes me?"

I have a gut feeling she does, but for aforementioned reasons, I do not have the confidence that she does.
a) pretty much every girl I approached rejected me over the past year and a half.
b) she is way out of my league, she's playing premier league football and I'm like ball boy for Sheffield Wednesday.

So I will ask her out, that's really not the issue, cause I will, for my own sanity. It's just that, I don't wanna get rejected by her, cause I like her a lot. Rejections from the other girls didn't phase me a bit, I just moved on to the next girl. But rejection from her will sting.

A lot.

Does it seem like she likes me?

According to Zackiechan's Theorom of Paragraphocity, you've already screwed up. Said it yourself...the rejection will sting, a lot...that means you're over-invested in a girl before you have a reason to.

Does she like you? Yes, but that's not the question you want an answer to. You want to know "If I ask her out, will she say yes?" to which we have no fucking clue. Yes, she likes you, but its hard to tell the difference between a romantic like and a friendship like without witnessing it first hand.

Finally, there's no such things as leagues, and you can't fault women for turning you down when you yourself describe your feelings mostly in the negative (not ready for it, feeling guilty about doing stuff, not putting effort in).

 

[nitewulf]

According to Zackiechan's Theorom of Paragraphocity, you've already screwed up. Said it yourself...the rejection will sting, a lot...that means your over-invested in a girl before you have a reason to.

that is totally true. it's all this dry period i guess.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

that is totally true. it's all this dry period i guess.

You already said you want to ask her out. Based on how confident you generally sound throughout your many, many paragraphs (also, are you based in DC? I am too), you won't change your approach irrespective of what we advise you.

You just needed to put pen to paper, so to speak, to collect your thoughts. Yeah, things might sting. But as a fellow divorced guy, I want to offer you this: the fact that you can feel this way about someone else is a positive sign, even if things don't work out. She's the first step in things getting easier for you.

So take it.

 

[mugurumakensei]

Proposed to my GF yesterday with a ring pop. She said yes. Before I get hounded on, I plan to buy a nice wedding band. I just wanted the proposal to be goofy and subdued rather than extravagant like those guys who propose on the jumbotron.

 

[nitewulf]

You already said you want to ask her out. Based on how confident you generally sound throughout your many, many paragraphs (also, are you based in DC? I am too), you won't change your approach irrespective of what we advise you.

You just needed to put pen to paper, so to speak, to collect your thoughts. Yeah, things might sting. But as a fellow divorced guy, I want to offer you this: the fact that you can feel this way about someone else is a positive sign, even if things don't work out. She's the first step in things getting easier for you.

So take it.

Thank you. I am based in NYC, she was just going to DC for the weekend, from NYC.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Proposed to my GF yesterday with a ring pop. She said yes. Before I get hounded on, I plan to buy a nice wedding band. I just wanted the proposal to be goofy and subdued rather than extravagant like those guys who propose on the jumbotron.

Congrats man. People put too much priority on what others say they should do for stuff like that. If she liked the proposal, that's what matters.

She said yes, you must've done something right. Don't forget to keep things fresh though, even if you're out of the "dating" stage now!

 

[ZackieChan]

According to Zackiechan's Theorom of Paragraphocity, you've already screwed up. Said it yourself...the rejection will sting, a lot...that means you're over-invested in a girl before you have a reason to.

Does she like you? Yes, but that's not the question you want an answer to. You want to know "If I ask her out, will she say yes?" to which we have no fucking clue. Yes, she likes you, but its hard to tell the difference between a romantic like and a friendship like without witnessing it first hand.

Finally, there's no such things as leagues, and you can't fault women for turning you down when you yourself describe your feelings mostly in the negative (not ready for it, feeling guilty about doing stuff, not putting effort in).

Glad I didn't have to say it.

Spoiler

Holy fuck

My takeaway is that I fucking love BonChon Chicken and can't wait to be back in either Palo Alto or Bangkok to eat it.

 

[Llyranor]

According to Zackiechan's Theorom of Paragraphocity

Lmao

 

[gwailo]

Nitewulf

What is that, a 1500 word essay about someone you've hung out with a couple of times?

Jesus tapdancing Christ, man. Just ask her out and (more importantly) chill out. That sort of behavior is gonna kill any relationship because you're gonna be overanalyzing every little thing and driving yourself nuts.

 

[Condom]

My question: "Does it seem like she likes me?"

I have a gut feeling she does, but for aforementioned reasons, I do not have the confidence that she does.
a) pretty much every girl I approached rejected me over the past year and a half.
b) she is way out of my league, she's playing premier league football and I'm like ball boy for Sheffield Wednesday.

Leicester won the league, Leicester.

As for the rest, seems like you actually came of as cooler than you might actually be because you acted not-interested. You can probably get something short term going on just don't expect a 40 year marriage.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

If one must write an essay I propose we use the 5 paragraph style. Needs a hypothesis, 3 supporting paragraphs and a conclusion. This would help because if the first paragraph contained "do you think she likes me" instead of the laast one, I coulda immediately answered with "Read the topic title" and we would have reduced waste by roughly 86%.

I feel its the only logical solution to this problem.

 

[nitewulf]

My takeaway is that I fucking love BonChon Chicken and can't wait to be back in either Palo Alto or Bangkok to eat it.

NYC K-Town has some really good spots. This chicken is the shiz, it's double fried apparently.

Nitewulf

What is that, a 1500 word essay about someone you've hung out with a couple of times?

Jesus tapdancing Christ, man. Just ask her out and (more importantly) chill out. That sort of behavior is gonna kill any relationship because you're gonna be overanalyzing every little thing and driving yourself nuts.

Yeah, absolutely right, I know all this internally, this post was more for therapeutic reasons. Advocatus Diaboli had it right.

If one must write an essay I propose we use the 5 paragraph style. Needs a hypothesis, 3 supporting paragraphs and a conclusion. This would help because if the first paragraph contained "do you think she likes me" instead of the laast one, I coulda immediately answered with "Read the topic title" and we would have reduced waste by roughly 86%.

I feel its the only logical solution to this problem.

I'm a story teller, a lot of the reasons for writing it out was to get it out there, as well to entertain. I hope at least some of it was funny?

The thing is, this thread helped to essentially calm me down and not just go nuts by over thinking things. I don't wanna be over eager or aggressive, that's just not my thing anyway. And when I ask her out, I do wanna clearly point out that it's a date, that's why this thread is helpful. We hang out in groups anyway, that doesn't really mean anything.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'm a story teller, a lot of the reasons for writing it out was to get it out there, as well to entertain. I hope at least some of it was funny?

I'm just a snarky dick, don't mind me

The thing is, this thread helped to essentially calm me down and not just go nuts by over thinking things. I don't wanna be over eager or aggressive, that's just not my thing anyway. And when I ask her out, I do wanna clearly point out that it's a date, that's why this thread is helpful. We hang out in groups anyway, that doesn't really mean anything.

Yeah I understand that sometimes we just gotta vent. Thats cool. Jist use the 5 paragraph method

But seriously what time has made me realize is that if you want something you're honestly better off just asking for it plainly and from the start.

It just makes shit way easier and relieves the stress of thinking and rflecting over it constantly.

I wanna talk to a girl I just hit her up. She doesn't respond? Cool then she doesn't move on. I wanna date. Just ask straight up. It cuts down on time. I go to the bar and see a girl I just talk to her. If she is into it is obvious. If not then it is what it is. Everynso often you have moments of doubt (well I do, wont speak for anyone else) but after getting over the fear of rejection feels good to never be stressing bout answers. You want em you just go out and get em.

 

[ZackieChan]

^ This.

And the problem with writing out these long ass posts, is that it means you've put a ridiculous amount of thought and effort jnto something that could be snuffed out in a second with a "no."

Avoid that problem by asking them out before doing all that work.

 

[Incendiary]

I'm a story teller, a lot of the reasons for writing it out was to get it out there, as well to entertain. I hope at least some of it was funny?

The thing is, this thread helped to essentially calm me down and not just go nuts by over thinking things. I don't wanna be over eager or aggressive, that's just not my thing anyway. And when I ask her out, I do wanna clearly point out that it's a date, that's why this thread is helpful. We hang out in groups anyway, that doesn't really mean anything.

The important thing is: if she says no, are you gonna still be able to hang out with her? If yes, go for it. If no, still go for it, but try not to be a douche after, heh.

Also stories are fine, but if you want advice it's usually more helpful to keep it concise. For one more people will likely read it, and for two it comes across poorly if you're recounting all these small details.

Example #1: Hey guys, I think this girl might like me - she invited me to her Halloween party, we hung out and got along well, and at the end of the night she hugged me goodbye even though we'd only hung out once before and she didn't hug other people goodbye when they left. Should I ask her out?

Vs.

Example #2: So there's this girl - I think she might like me. The first time we hung out it was with friends - I didn't really know her that well and there was a lot of us so we didn't get to talk much but I caught her looking at me a few times and she kinda smiled and there was this one moment where she laughed at my jokes and so I had a good time and then I ended up invited to her Halloween party and her costume was really cool and I complimented her on it and she said she liked my costume, but there was kind of a flirtatious tone to how she said it and then even though there were lots of different groups and she was the host she kept coming back to where I was and hanging out with the group I was in and sitting next to me a lot of the time and she was definitely engaging me in conversation like there was this one time where she laughed at something I said and then when I was leaving she hugged me and I hadn't seen her hug anybody else when they were leaving so that's something and she seemed a little disappointe I was leaving and she also said she'd invite me to other parties if she threw them and kind of smiled so does she like me guys also I added her on Facebook and she accepted my friend request like immediately that's a good sign guys right should I ask her out?

---

Not trying to give you shit or anything, but when you're interested in somebody there are a lot of small details you pick up on that seem relevant and might be engaging and important to you. And I get the wanting to tell stories and be entertaining (I'm the same way.). Just...sometimes you need to rein it in, especially when asking strangers on the Internet for advice, ha. And definitely, definitely don't replay all the small details over and over again in your head and analyze every tiny action. We've already got a guy on GAF that does that.